What do you think?
Rate this book
The Worst Noel: Hellish Holiday Tales
Does the thought of mistletoe give you hives?
Does the sound of jingling bells
instill fear in your heart?
Do you hide under the covers from the day after
Thanksgiving till New Year's Day?
And even if you love Christmas, do the
hyperconsumerism, overindulgence, and
tinsel-covered everything make you crazy?
If you said yes to any of these questions, this is the book for you. You are not alone. Everyone has a Christmas-nightmare story to tell. Some of the best writers around have gone through some of the worst Christmases ever. Their tales of holly-draped horror are gathered here for your amusement, from NEAL POLLACK's Christmas-ham disaster to the accidental Santahood of JONI RODGERS to BINNIE KIRSHENBAUM's receiving what may be the worst gift ever given. And Stanley Bing gives us a peek at the lonely guy's Xmas feast. All this, plus many more recollections of Worst Noels past.
So pour yourself a glass of eggnog, chisel off a piece of rock-hard fruitcake, and curl up in the big comfy chair by the fireplace where the stockings have been hung with such care -- and settle in to read The Worst Noel.
Does the sound of jingling bells
instill fear in your heart?
Do you hide under the covers from the day after
Thanksgiving till New Year's Day?
And even if you love Christmas, do the
hyperconsumerism, overindulgence, and
tinsel-covered everything make you crazy?
If you said yes to any of these questions, this is the book for you. You are not alone. Everyone has a Christmas-nightmare story to tell. Some of the best writers around have gone through some of the worst Christmases ever. Their tales of holly-draped horror are gathered here for your amusement, from NEAL POLLACK's Christmas-ham disaster to the accidental Santahood of JONI RODGERS to BINNIE KIRSHENBAUM's receiving what may be the worst gift ever given. And Stanley Bing gives us a peek at the lonely guy's Xmas feast. All this, plus many more recollections of Worst Noels past.
So pour yourself a glass of eggnog, chisel off a piece of rock-hard fruitcake, and curl up in the big comfy chair by the fireplace where the stockings have been hung with such care -- and settle in to read The Worst Noel.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published November 1, 2005
46 people are currently reading
452 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 80 reviews
March 23, 2016
The Worst Noel. Indeed.
The worst Christmas hellish stories ever.
The worst Christmas hellish stories ever.
December 24, 2014
Looking back over the past 6 WEEKS, I can see that I really should have just shelved this one as "did not finish". I am a voracious reader and can read a book of this size in a few days; Outlander-sized books do take longer, maybe a week. But I am persistent and, hey, there are several very respected authors scattered in among the lesser known writers.
What was there not to like? The writing was fine because these folks are good at their craft. But there was no heart to these stories, not even a black one. The stories are uninspired, uninteresting, and unenjoyable. These folks, for the most part, are whiners and complainers. They are not enduring Hellish Holidays - no one dies, there are no tragedies befalling loved ones. The worst that can be said is that a deer dies (not a reindeer, by the way) in the first story, in a car accident. I don't know about you, but down here in Tennessee, it happens. The other tales involve Jews (several of the stories do - um, I know Jesus was a Jew but I didn't think they thought His birth was a religious holiday too), there's a ham story (I love Smithfield hams but I'm thinking he cooked it all wrong), there's one about an ungrateful teen transplanted to Canada from England, and on. But none of these stories were Hellish; it's a stretch to call them mildly uncomfortable. I actually thought the one involving a college kid trying to romance a girl and being stuck with a large snorer as a roomie was a bright spot in this collection. This might hit someone else's funny bone; for me it fell flat.
What was there not to like? The writing was fine because these folks are good at their craft. But there was no heart to these stories, not even a black one. The stories are uninspired, uninteresting, and unenjoyable. These folks, for the most part, are whiners and complainers. They are not enduring Hellish Holidays - no one dies, there are no tragedies befalling loved ones. The worst that can be said is that a deer dies (not a reindeer, by the way) in the first story, in a car accident. I don't know about you, but down here in Tennessee, it happens. The other tales involve Jews (several of the stories do - um, I know Jesus was a Jew but I didn't think they thought His birth was a religious holiday too), there's a ham story (I love Smithfield hams but I'm thinking he cooked it all wrong), there's one about an ungrateful teen transplanted to Canada from England, and on. But none of these stories were Hellish; it's a stretch to call them mildly uncomfortable. I actually thought the one involving a college kid trying to romance a girl and being stuck with a large snorer as a roomie was a bright spot in this collection. This might hit someone else's funny bone; for me it fell flat.
December 6, 2016
I'll give it a 1.5 because there was one story I liked. That's right, ONE out of 18. I was hoping for hilarious tales of holiday disasters. What I got was Jews who celebrate Christmas and a few other depressing stories. If you're looking for a good laugh read David Sedaris' Holidays on Ice or Santaland Diaries.
December 31, 2019
Having spent more than half my life in NY, I can relate to Jewish Christmas though having been raised Christian. NYers know more Yiddish than any other group other than actual Yiddish speaking Jews even if they're Italian, Irish or Asian; it's part of NY speak. A Yiddish Christmas should be a thing. my family spent many Christmas afternoon at our Jewish neighbour's house when the Jewish relatives would come over to celebrate as her children were half Catholic and why not?. I always get the feeling that most Jewish New Yorkers enjoyed having an extra holiday and it was to celebrate the birth of a Jew after all so what was the big deal? This is what happens when you grow up predominantly around artists and writers and those who have never been without a subscription to the New Yorker Magazine and the NYTimes from the time they could read.
The reason I bring all of this up is the number of stories in this book were written by Jewish writers. I had to laugh quite a bit throughout the book as they either reminded me of my own Christmases or those of friends, or they were just well written. This was a good Christmas book to end this years reading season with, half the Christmas reading I wouldn't have known about except for the collections put together online by the Brooklyn and Manhattan Librarians on the Libby App.
Getting through the holidays can be tough, but it's always nice to find stories about those who have shared your experience, or have had one bad enough to make your own feel like you need to be glad you were spared that particular hell.
This is a fun read, no matter your particular religion or feelings pro or con towards the holidays. So light your menorah and put lights on your real or fake tree as you drink your eggnog and get a laugh or two from this book.
The reason I bring all of this up is the number of stories in this book were written by Jewish writers. I had to laugh quite a bit throughout the book as they either reminded me of my own Christmases or those of friends, or they were just well written. This was a good Christmas book to end this years reading season with, half the Christmas reading I wouldn't have known about except for the collections put together online by the Brooklyn and Manhattan Librarians on the Libby App.
Getting through the holidays can be tough, but it's always nice to find stories about those who have shared your experience, or have had one bad enough to make your own feel like you need to be glad you were spared that particular hell.
This is a fun read, no matter your particular religion or feelings pro or con towards the holidays. So light your menorah and put lights on your real or fake tree as you drink your eggnog and get a laugh or two from this book.
August 8, 2021
Disclaimer: I wouldn’t have picked this book if not for the reading challenge prompt- a book with bad reviews.
A short story collection seemed easier to survive for such a prompt, and I’m glad I was right. The book has 18 stories about ‘hellish holidays’, and I can’t help but wonder if ‘hell’ was what the reader would have been transported to for daring to pick this one.
Okay, there are a couple of decent stories. But 3 nice ones from 18? Well, do your math. I sure don’t have to write a long review, but I need to rant. So here it goes.
Danner is Dead: A deer gets hits by a speeding car. The rest is an attempted stream of consciousness narrative that could have won a Pulitzer if the author threw in complex terminology. Nothing makes sense anyway. It looked like the author prepared for a 2-mark question but had to write the same answer for a 10-mark question. (Not sure if everyone will get this example, but Indians would know what I mean).
Blue Christmas: Sort of funny with an over-the-top dysfunctional family meeting. Bearable though. At least I didn’t have to wonder what happened.
Eight: Jews vs. Christian celebrations (a recurring theme in many stories). I don’t remember anything else, and I read it less than 72 hours ago. That says enough, I guess.
That’s Just about Enough Figgy Pudding, Actually: Logic vs. magic and stalking Santa? Well, bearable. The title is more interesting at any rate (ignoring the adverbs in there).
Birthdays: Another dysfunctional family but twisted and funny. (Don’t question my sense of humor, please. I need to retain my sanity.)
The Accidental Santa: Okayish, though I forgot the exact story. (That okayish comes from my notes, so I have no idea what I found bearable).
Christmas 2001: A collection of ‘sad’ Christmas celebrations. This one was touching. I felt sad for the narrator, so yes, this was a decent one.
The Bite Before Christmas: Loner moving around without destination on a Christmas Eve. Oh, well. Interesting theme. But the writing isn’t strong enough to make me feel anything except disinterest.
Survivor: Rambling at its best, or should I say worst? Ugh!
I’ll have Christmas with the Works on Rye, Hold the Ham, and Jesus: Jew vs. Christian celebrations. Maybe the title was better than the story.
Christmas in Paris: With an LGBT+ lead. It was sort of introspective. Not bad.
We Really Must Get Together This Year: I’ve read this author’s novels and am glad I didn’t read this first. This is probably one of her worst pieces. Uninspiring and boring.
The Gift of Magi Redux: Now, this one is rather good. I like it.
A Foreign Country: Brit vs. American and Jews vs. Christian Christmas celebrations. Okayish. Dry humor, or maybe I thought it was while the author meant something else.
The Jew Who Cooked Ham for Christmas: Moderately funny, I suppose. I like to imagine that the author tried to make it funny.
Rum Balls: Oh, well…
Buy Humbug: Twisted (the note says). I don’t remember the story. It’s less than 24 hours since I read it. Got erased faster than the lessons from school and college. That’s a record, I say!
The Gift That did not Need Wrapping: Sort of musing and minor ranting. A collection of memories. Nothing remarkable.
Not sure about Noel, but the book was hell. I rest my case.
I have no idea who and why they came up with this collection, but man, it’s something the readers could do without. The only saving grace is that I ticked off a prompt from the reading challenge. Phew!
A short story collection seemed easier to survive for such a prompt, and I’m glad I was right. The book has 18 stories about ‘hellish holidays’, and I can’t help but wonder if ‘hell’ was what the reader would have been transported to for daring to pick this one.
Okay, there are a couple of decent stories. But 3 nice ones from 18? Well, do your math. I sure don’t have to write a long review, but I need to rant. So here it goes.
Danner is Dead: A deer gets hits by a speeding car. The rest is an attempted stream of consciousness narrative that could have won a Pulitzer if the author threw in complex terminology. Nothing makes sense anyway. It looked like the author prepared for a 2-mark question but had to write the same answer for a 10-mark question. (Not sure if everyone will get this example, but Indians would know what I mean).
Blue Christmas: Sort of funny with an over-the-top dysfunctional family meeting. Bearable though. At least I didn’t have to wonder what happened.
Eight: Jews vs. Christian celebrations (a recurring theme in many stories). I don’t remember anything else, and I read it less than 72 hours ago. That says enough, I guess.
That’s Just about Enough Figgy Pudding, Actually: Logic vs. magic and stalking Santa? Well, bearable. The title is more interesting at any rate (ignoring the adverbs in there).
Birthdays: Another dysfunctional family but twisted and funny. (Don’t question my sense of humor, please. I need to retain my sanity.)
The Accidental Santa: Okayish, though I forgot the exact story. (That okayish comes from my notes, so I have no idea what I found bearable).
Christmas 2001: A collection of ‘sad’ Christmas celebrations. This one was touching. I felt sad for the narrator, so yes, this was a decent one.
The Bite Before Christmas: Loner moving around without destination on a Christmas Eve. Oh, well. Interesting theme. But the writing isn’t strong enough to make me feel anything except disinterest.
Survivor: Rambling at its best, or should I say worst? Ugh!
I’ll have Christmas with the Works on Rye, Hold the Ham, and Jesus: Jew vs. Christian celebrations. Maybe the title was better than the story.
Christmas in Paris: With an LGBT+ lead. It was sort of introspective. Not bad.
We Really Must Get Together This Year: I’ve read this author’s novels and am glad I didn’t read this first. This is probably one of her worst pieces. Uninspiring and boring.
The Gift of Magi Redux: Now, this one is rather good. I like it.
A Foreign Country: Brit vs. American and Jews vs. Christian Christmas celebrations. Okayish. Dry humor, or maybe I thought it was while the author meant something else.
The Jew Who Cooked Ham for Christmas: Moderately funny, I suppose. I like to imagine that the author tried to make it funny.
Rum Balls: Oh, well…
Buy Humbug: Twisted (the note says). I don’t remember the story. It’s less than 24 hours since I read it. Got erased faster than the lessons from school and college. That’s a record, I say!
The Gift That did not Need Wrapping: Sort of musing and minor ranting. A collection of memories. Nothing remarkable.
Not sure about Noel, but the book was hell. I rest my case.
I have no idea who and why they came up with this collection, but man, it’s something the readers could do without. The only saving grace is that I ticked off a prompt from the reading challenge. Phew!
December 21, 2014
So this book should really be titled Christmas sucks especially if you're Jewish.
February 4, 2011
Everyone has had less than a perfect Christmas--or a lot of them--during their lives. Even I, who decorate to the point that it appears that either 1. Christmas actually threw up, or 2. a Christmas bomb went off, have had a few negative Christmas experiences. Picture it--I was in first grade and on Christmas morning I picked up the note that Santa left as a thanks for the milk and cookies and realized that it was written IN MY MOTHER'S HANDWRITING! I can tell you that kicked my little six-year old butt. Or the Christmas morning when my family decided that it would be easier to burn the wrapping paper in the fireplace rather than walk to the kitchen to get a trash bag and we had a chimney fire. Yes, it WAS exciting to hear the roar and run outside to see flames flying 20 feet out of the top of the chimney, but the fire department didn't seem to share our amazement. Or the Christmas afternoon when my cousins and I decided that it would be fun to put a whoopie cushion on my Grandmother's chair. When she sat down, we heard vocabulary that I really don't think should be used on the birthday of Jesus--which alerted our parents that all was not well and brought them into the living room at a gallop, and then the true fun started. Just a tip--savvy children do not put a whoopie cushion between their parents and the Christmas eggnog. But I digress. This book is a series of short stories--some are laugh-out loud funny and some border on rants. But if you like accounts of deer running into the sides of vehicles, mice eating the homemade ornament and decorations off the Christmas tree, gifts gone wrong, uncomfortable social experiences, and many other Christmas mishaps, this is the book for you.
February 1, 2018
Quite honestly, I did not finish this book. I couldn't get through it when I had much more interesting selections waiting on my to read list after.
I really enjoyed the first story. It was fun, gruesome, and funny. I also enjoyed the one about "Santa" getting into a car crash. I would recommend these!
The other stories were so blah. They were boring, not exciting, and went on and on or stopped abruptly with no point.
I can't quite explain what I was looking for in a "hellish holiday tale" but some of these were really just the main person feeling sorry for themselves because the holidays give off that vibe. I wanted to hear people struggling through, but instead there were poorly planned holidays where they just didn't seemed to care. I didn't want to read about holidays being bad just because they are bad, I wanted to read about WHY. These stories didn't deliver. I guess after going through literally the worst Christmas of my life, I was hoping for someone to share my pain with in a way that I could laugh about (because I can't laugh about mine.)
The writing style was decent in some of these. But overall it was just bleh.
2 stars in case it got better after I stopped reading.
I will probably go through and read what others have said were good.
I really enjoyed the first story. It was fun, gruesome, and funny. I also enjoyed the one about "Santa" getting into a car crash. I would recommend these!
The other stories were so blah. They were boring, not exciting, and went on and on or stopped abruptly with no point.
I can't quite explain what I was looking for in a "hellish holiday tale" but some of these were really just the main person feeling sorry for themselves because the holidays give off that vibe. I wanted to hear people struggling through, but instead there were poorly planned holidays where they just didn't seemed to care. I didn't want to read about holidays being bad just because they are bad, I wanted to read about WHY. These stories didn't deliver. I guess after going through literally the worst Christmas of my life, I was hoping for someone to share my pain with in a way that I could laugh about (because I can't laugh about mine.)
The writing style was decent in some of these. But overall it was just bleh.
2 stars in case it got better after I stopped reading.
I will probably go through and read what others have said were good.
August 22, 2013
It's not right to dislike this book for its lack of "Christmas spirit," because, c'mon, look at the title and the cover. The fact remains that Christmas is far from perfect for pretty much everyone; it's our shared, national mindfuck. When I was working on my book about the economic and emotional impact of Christmas in America (called "Tinsel," 2009), I tried to read everything I could get my hands on about the holiday. The essays here fit into a dyspeptic genre of Christmas writing in which the only response to the overwhelmingness of Christmas is to go darkly humorous on it, right up to the point of too much bile. I think most of the essays here are too facile and not honest enough, or just not paying attention to tone. The Sedaris "Holiday on Ice" envy is pretty palpable too; sort of like the movie "Bad Santa" -- point out the unseemliness that comes with Christmas and then patch it up with some emotional Scotch tape. (Or just Scotch.) Despite occasional hits, the market for this sort of thing is very narrow. That's a lesson I'm still grappling with.
December 28, 2016
I love Christmas. I like a good, snarky book at times. I also enjoy poking fun at the ridiculous expectations we all set for ourselves at Christmas, and some of my family's most cherished stories of Christmases past are ones where someone left the turkey guts in the bag inside the turkey and cooked it accidently; the year everyone was puking sick; and the year my sister set her hair on fire at church Christmas Eve. Watching "Christmas Vacation" is an annual tradition at my house. I am also a Christian who knows, enjoys, and celebrates the REAL meaning of CHRISTmas.
But nothing, not even my considerable sense of humor, could prepare me for the horrific waste of trees that is this book. It is mostly a whiny litany by Jewish (??) writers who regale their readers with "awful" stories of the Christmas their family decided to stop celebrating Christmas in favor of more Jewish holidays.
Now, I'm going to go watch "Christmas Vacation" again.
But nothing, not even my considerable sense of humor, could prepare me for the horrific waste of trees that is this book. It is mostly a whiny litany by Jewish (??) writers who regale their readers with "awful" stories of the Christmas their family decided to stop celebrating Christmas in favor of more Jewish holidays.
Now, I'm going to go watch "Christmas Vacation" again.
September 1, 2012
The Worst Noel contains multiple short stories about individuals who find Christmas painful, and hard to deal with. Being a non-fan of the commercial, Christmas holiday season myself, I found this book mildly entertaining. The stories weren't too exhilarating.
My favorite story in The Worst Noel is "The Gift of the Magi Redux." This story is about a couple who buys each other the "wrong" Christmas presents, and the couple eventually breaks up as a result of not understanding one another. What a hilarious concept - who hasn't been with a person who bought them the "wrong" gifts?
The rest of the stories in this novel are so-so. Would I recommend The Worst Noel? Probably not - maybe only to those who have a deep hatred for Christmas.
For more book reviews, please visit http://dreamworldbooks.com.
My favorite story in The Worst Noel is "The Gift of the Magi Redux." This story is about a couple who buys each other the "wrong" Christmas presents, and the couple eventually breaks up as a result of not understanding one another. What a hilarious concept - who hasn't been with a person who bought them the "wrong" gifts?
The rest of the stories in this novel are so-so. Would I recommend The Worst Noel? Probably not - maybe only to those who have a deep hatred for Christmas.
For more book reviews, please visit http://dreamworldbooks.com.
March 24, 2012
I was interested in this title because a) I don't really care for the xmas season and b) Marian Keyes had written a story for the collection. Unfortunately, it turned out to be quite a disappointment. The Marian Keyes story was a cute piece of fluff, but not up to her usual. I understand though, that she has been struggling with her depression, and potentially wasn't well when she was approached for this project. There were very few stories that really interested me. Some of the authors that stood out were (in case I want to look them up too, I need a record): John Marchese, Anne Giardini, Mike Albo Elizabeth Noble and Neal Pollack. It's not a bad read, if you like short stories, but if you are a real xmas lover, stay far away.
December 17, 2020
Officially the worst Christmas book I ever read. I am not one to give up on books, but I came close; I kept thinking it might get better. I don't get the point; was it to depress people or something? To make fun of people who enjoy Christmas? To get back at the Smithfield ham people? Maybe it was supposed to be a parody of the often-uplifting Chicken Soup books. Our book club selected this as our December read, figuring we could use something light to end a disastrous 2020, but instead it went over like a lead balloon. (That cliched sentence would fit very well into the book.) While I thought some of the stories (and sentences) would never end, some stories ended so abruptly (even out of order) that all I could do was shake my head and hope the next was better.
March 7, 2013
When I saw this book, I knew I had to read it during the holidays. But I wasn't able to finish the book I was reading on the last few weeks of December so this is an overdue post.
This book is about the worst Christmas experience they've had. At first, I even thought that it was something scary that happened during the holidays. I somehow visualized it similar to the some Christmas thriller films. But that was not the case. I was expecting it to be really fun. But the moment I turned the few pages, I got extremely bored. Well, it was the Worst Noel after all. That was wrong for me to expect that's why I was also disappointed.
This book is about the worst Christmas experience they've had. At first, I even thought that it was something scary that happened during the holidays. I somehow visualized it similar to the some Christmas thriller films. But that was not the case. I was expecting it to be really fun. But the moment I turned the few pages, I got extremely bored. Well, it was the Worst Noel after all. That was wrong for me to expect that's why I was also disappointed.
July 14, 2011
Not quite what I expected, the first few stories ranged from humorous to down right funny, the rest were just variations on the same theme. I'm Jewish, and while we celebrated the holiday this one, most of them or all of them sucked. Most of the stories really weren't worth finishing. I am glad I didn't buy this in hardcover as I was so very tempted to do when it came out. Most definitely I got it via a library choice not a purchase.
December 16, 2017
Like all short story collections, some of the stories are better than others. I think this is especially true when each story is written by a different author. Some of these horrible Christmas stories were funny, but some were a little depressing. One thing I couldn't help but notice was that an alarming number of these authors are Jewish.
November 19, 2008
A collection of short stories only one of which I found interesting/entertaining. Many of the stories could have been written as a class assignment in creative writing. Most would not have received a passing grade.
November 12, 2012
Most of the stories were hard to get into, and you had to know their version of Christmas to really get how bad it was. And I was hoping more for funny stories about bad Christmases than depressing ones.
January 30, 2013
There were a couple of chuckles in this book but really it felt like the majority of the writers were just trying too hard to be clever or funny or add enough hyperbole to make their Christmas outstanding.
December 28, 2013
I bought this book as a bah humbug joke gift a couple years ago, and it has come back to haunt me. Of the short stories, l liked The Accidental Santa by Joni Rodgers. Super snarky, this book goes directly in the recycle bin rather than Goodwill.
November 22, 2016
To be honest, I am disappointed by this book. I expected the stories to be fun, but most of then weren't. Another unexpected element were the many Jewish stories. However, I have to say that some stories were pretty nice and made me smile :)
September 21, 2011
Thought it was going to be funny...it was only painful to get through, and I didn't finish it.
December 28, 2011
Wanted these to be much much funnier than they were.
September 29, 2012
Meh....one or two funny stories, but nothing great. Wouldn't read it again.
March 11, 2013
Sad stories by angry people. Not a good read.
December 13, 2014
This book should be renamed the "Worst Noel BOOK." After three lame stories hinging on Christmas vs Hanukkah, I'm done.
December 15, 2014
Don't bother. Foul language does not equate with humor and the stories were lacking.
February 21, 2015
Most of these were very dull and uninteresting. There were a couple that were ok, but even the Marian Keyes short story in here ( the main reason for opening the book) was one I had read before.
March 24, 2015
This was an out of season read. I can get a bit snarky during the holidays so thought it might be a fun book. The problem was that most of the stories were just not that entertaining.
November 12, 2015
Not worth your time.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 80 reviews