What do you think?
Rate this book
The Kingdoms and Elves of the Reaches #1
The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches
The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches
By: Robert Stanek
Narrarated by: Karl Fehr
THE #1 BESTSELLER FROM THE AWARD-WINNING, BESTSELLING AUTHOR! After the Great War that divided the peoples, the kingdoms of men plunged into a Dark Age that lasted 500 years. To heal the lands and restore the light, the great kings decreed that magic and all that is magical, be it creature, man, or device, shall be cleansed to dust. The cleansing raged for so long that no human could recall a time without it and it is in this time that the Dark Lord Sathar returned from the dark beyond. The one hope of the peoples of Ruin Mist was Queen Mother, the elf queen of old. She saw a way out of everlasting darkness, a path that required the union of the divided peoples. And so it began.
Read more: http://www.emusic.com/book/robert-sta...
By: Robert Stanek
Narrarated by: Karl Fehr
THE #1 BESTSELLER FROM THE AWARD-WINNING, BESTSELLING AUTHOR! After the Great War that divided the peoples, the kingdoms of men plunged into a Dark Age that lasted 500 years. To heal the lands and restore the light, the great kings decreed that magic and all that is magical, be it creature, man, or device, shall be cleansed to dust. The cleansing raged for so long that no human could recall a time without it and it is in this time that the Dark Lord Sathar returned from the dark beyond. The one hope of the peoples of Ruin Mist was Queen Mother, the elf queen of old. She saw a way out of everlasting darkness, a path that required the union of the divided peoples. And so it began.
Read more: http://www.emusic.com/book/robert-sta...
6 pages, Audiobook
First published February 1, 2002
51 people are currently reading
395 people want to read
About the author
Robert Stanek
311 books48 followersAlso writes as William R. Stanek and William Robert Stanek.
Robert Stanek has been a writer for over 30 years and is the author of over 50 books. The most popular series by Robert Stanek include the Ruin Mist books, the Magic Lands books, the Bugville books, the Bugville Jr. books, and the Bugville Learning books which area all available via Amazon, Audible, Playaway, OverDrive, and more than two dozen other retail and library partners. Join Robert Stanek and 200,000 fans on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/RobertStanekA....
Robert Stanek has been a writer for over 30 years and is the author of over 50 books. The most popular series by Robert Stanek include the Ruin Mist books, the Magic Lands books, the Bugville books, the Bugville Jr. books, and the Bugville Learning books which area all available via Amazon, Audible, Playaway, OverDrive, and more than two dozen other retail and library partners. Join Robert Stanek and 200,000 fans on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/RobertStanekA....
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
March 25, 2010
This is a poorly written self published book. I normally wouldn’t even bother to waste time writing a review about it, since it is just a self published book pretending to be greater than it is. However I’m angry that I was tricked into buying this crap.
This book is not a “modern day fantasy classic”. It is not “better than Harry Potter” or “Star Wars with elves”. Robert Stanek is not “America’s Tolkien”. Where did all this over-the-top hype come from? One can only guess (or risk censor from this site)
This book is full of stale, poorly descriptive writng. A short boring episode of what threatens to be some endless drawn out cliché (there are books 2, 3, 4 and then a “sequel series” (?) that goes on and on). This book is so unimaginative that there is even a “dark lord” and a “middle earth” thrown into the mix.
However, this book does have some unintentional funny bits. I had to laugh when I was told that “middle earth” was a realm between lower and upper earth. And the author clearly is confused about the meaning of many words, such as when a frightened princess speaks COYLY to a supernatural apparition.
I would suggest reading the 1st chapter on the Amazon preview feature - or doing an internet search on the author - before buying or getting this book.
This book is not a “modern day fantasy classic”. It is not “better than Harry Potter” or “Star Wars with elves”. Robert Stanek is not “America’s Tolkien”. Where did all this over-the-top hype come from? One can only guess (or risk censor from this site)
This book is full of stale, poorly descriptive writng. A short boring episode of what threatens to be some endless drawn out cliché (there are books 2, 3, 4 and then a “sequel series” (?) that goes on and on). This book is so unimaginative that there is even a “dark lord” and a “middle earth” thrown into the mix.
However, this book does have some unintentional funny bits. I had to laugh when I was told that “middle earth” was a realm between lower and upper earth. And the author clearly is confused about the meaning of many words, such as when a frightened princess speaks COYLY to a supernatural apparition.
I would suggest reading the 1st chapter on the Amazon preview feature - or doing an internet search on the author - before buying or getting this book.
January 6, 2013
My review here.
Or read it here:
The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches has been compared to JRR Tolkien and for good reason, they both contain magic, elves. and evil newly awakened. There are also words, sentences, paragraphs, and chapters in both books. So, I can completely understand why you would want to draw comparisons to both novels; however, once you get past those details the comparison quickly falls apart. We have three main characters: the young princess, an elf who believes duty comes before dishonor, and a young boy with magical powers. Each one of these characters have the emotional range of a sofa pillow and are as three dimensional as a sheet of paper. The book is targeted for young adults but I can not see anyone of any age finding this novel entertaining. Painting by numbers has more mystery and intrigue than what I found in this book. The characters are dreadful and most of that is due to the dialogue.
There are many passages in The Kingdoms and of the Elves of Reach that had me dumbfounded. I literally found myself shaking my head and re-reading portions of the book and then laughing out loud at some of the alliterations and illusions Stanek attempted to convey to the readers. I usually refrain from using book quotes in my reviews, but in this case I will make an exception.
“Always more reminders of the things she should or should not do—her proper place, always her proper place. She knew all about the proper things, the proper mannerisms, the proper greetings, her proper duties, her proper place. She had even been taught, though only recently, the proper things to do to invite a man’s attention. She was to begin courting. But why? “
Or this winning prose:
“But his search was in vain because he truly was alone. There was no one else with him.”
And the best for last:
"The robed figure lowered his hood to reveal childlike features riddled with lines that spoke of ages past and of hardship."
These are just a few of my favorites from a book riddled with absurd statements. It is as if he wrote the book and then went back to it with the express purpose of adding as many words that he knew from the thesaurus and placed them sporadically within the text. The book is full of awkward sentences and repetitive descriptions. It helped make it a little more tolerable to read but only from a comical standpoint.
At the heart of The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches are three people questing to defeat an unspeakable evil that is returning to the world. Sure Tolkien did it, but so have many other authors, all of which did it much better than Mr. Stanek. The book, while not hard to read, suffers from a very unimaginative individual.
I really tried to read this novel with an open mind and do my best to avoid the negative reactions from other reviewers and disappointed consumers but after finishing this dreadful debacle of a book, I found myself in the exact same spot as others. I have to warn you to stay away from The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches and any other book written by Robert Stanek. My recommendation is to avoid this at all costs unless death is the only other option, although death may be the better option.
Plot 3
Characters 2
Style 1
Overall 1/10*
*Negative numbers are unfortunately not an option.
Or read it here:
The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches has been compared to JRR Tolkien and for good reason, they both contain magic, elves. and evil newly awakened. There are also words, sentences, paragraphs, and chapters in both books. So, I can completely understand why you would want to draw comparisons to both novels; however, once you get past those details the comparison quickly falls apart. We have three main characters: the young princess, an elf who believes duty comes before dishonor, and a young boy with magical powers. Each one of these characters have the emotional range of a sofa pillow and are as three dimensional as a sheet of paper. The book is targeted for young adults but I can not see anyone of any age finding this novel entertaining. Painting by numbers has more mystery and intrigue than what I found in this book. The characters are dreadful and most of that is due to the dialogue.
There are many passages in The Kingdoms and of the Elves of Reach that had me dumbfounded. I literally found myself shaking my head and re-reading portions of the book and then laughing out loud at some of the alliterations and illusions Stanek attempted to convey to the readers. I usually refrain from using book quotes in my reviews, but in this case I will make an exception.
“Always more reminders of the things she should or should not do—her proper place, always her proper place. She knew all about the proper things, the proper mannerisms, the proper greetings, her proper duties, her proper place. She had even been taught, though only recently, the proper things to do to invite a man’s attention. She was to begin courting. But why? “
Or this winning prose:
“But his search was in vain because he truly was alone. There was no one else with him.”
And the best for last:
"The robed figure lowered his hood to reveal childlike features riddled with lines that spoke of ages past and of hardship."
These are just a few of my favorites from a book riddled with absurd statements. It is as if he wrote the book and then went back to it with the express purpose of adding as many words that he knew from the thesaurus and placed them sporadically within the text. The book is full of awkward sentences and repetitive descriptions. It helped make it a little more tolerable to read but only from a comical standpoint.
At the heart of The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches are three people questing to defeat an unspeakable evil that is returning to the world. Sure Tolkien did it, but so have many other authors, all of which did it much better than Mr. Stanek. The book, while not hard to read, suffers from a very unimaginative individual.
I really tried to read this novel with an open mind and do my best to avoid the negative reactions from other reviewers and disappointed consumers but after finishing this dreadful debacle of a book, I found myself in the exact same spot as others. I have to warn you to stay away from The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches and any other book written by Robert Stanek. My recommendation is to avoid this at all costs unless death is the only other option, although death may be the better option.
Plot 3
Characters 2
Style 1
Overall 1/10*
*Negative numbers are unfortunately not an option.
May 22, 2011
I was surprised to find this guy on here, but seriously, he's notorious for his sockpuppet astroturfing. He's got a great TvTropes page , though.
This is the guy that Photoshopped himself alongside Brian Jacques and claims himself the recipient of awards that don't exist. There's sporking of his stuff online, and you don't need to read much of it to know why this guy is so terrible. His name is fast becoming synonymous with "how not to market a book."
You've been warned, folks. Seriously, Google him for a good laugh and some head shaking.
This is the guy that Photoshopped himself alongside Brian Jacques and claims himself the recipient of awards that don't exist. There's sporking of his stuff online, and you don't need to read much of it to know why this guy is so terrible. His name is fast becoming synonymous with "how not to market a book."
You've been warned, folks. Seriously, Google him for a good laugh and some head shaking.
May 8, 2013
Dear Robert Stanek,
Your books are garbage. I find it quite comical that you would go to such lengths to make yourself look like a good author. Let's face it, you are not. This book was so bad. Just terrible really. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS BOOK OR THIS AUTHOR! Also, I find it funny that the only people that like your books have no profile pictures and the only books that they have ever reviewed are YOUR books.
Its almost as if YOU wrote those reviews yourself. Oh wait...YOU DID!
These books had a weak plot and weak characters. Do not waste your money. Robert Stanek, your books are a disease.
:)This was a negative review if you haven't already guessed. I read this book at the library and I have never been more dissapointed in anything in my life. I had more fun reading a cereal box.
Your books are garbage. I find it quite comical that you would go to such lengths to make yourself look like a good author. Let's face it, you are not. This book was so bad. Just terrible really. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS BOOK OR THIS AUTHOR! Also, I find it funny that the only people that like your books have no profile pictures and the only books that they have ever reviewed are YOUR books.
Its almost as if YOU wrote those reviews yourself. Oh wait...YOU DID!
These books had a weak plot and weak characters. Do not waste your money. Robert Stanek, your books are a disease.
:)This was a negative review if you haven't already guessed. I read this book at the library and I have never been more dissapointed in anything in my life. I had more fun reading a cereal box.
August 19, 2011
This book really shat on my soul.
May 21, 2013
The only thing worse than this book is Robert Stanek's behavior. I admit to being late in knowing about the Stanek fraud. I was nice about asking him on FaceBook about not being able to leave a review. He then comes back with an attack on another author that I keep up with on FB. I DO happen to like more than 1 author. Here's my conversation with Stanek:
Elia:
"I've asked a couple of times but my comments never shown up. I was wondering why I can't post a review of one of your books on Amazon? Has it been disabled? Thanks."
Robert Stanek:
"Stacy Avary aka Anastacia Kelley should probably see a psychiatrist. If you're her friend maybe you can convince her to start taking her medication. Good luck with that!"
Elia:
"Umm, what does she have to do with your books? I have more friends than just her. I don't know why you're being so nasty. She is an author. Is that why you're bitter towards her? Yes, I love 'Nightfall". I can love more than one book, you know. I'll review your book elsewhere but I will make a note of you acting jealous."
My guess is that he attacked this author because she was the 1st one he saw. I'm sure it's jealousy because she has legit reviewers honestly liking her work. I've never seen such terrible behavior before. In all honesty, his books are not and will never be as well-written as Kelley's. She has already written circles around him.
Stanek's book is so poorly written, I feel more like I'm reading gibberish than a supposed great book. The story is choppy; the scenes jump uncomfortably from 1 scene to the next that no one can follow. He should not be comparing his book to Tolkien. He should not think he's a better writer than Anastacia Kelley or any author out there. Stanek is one of the worst writers ever. After reading about the fraud, I was shocked how far he went to make himself look like a best seller. I'm positive those 5 stars are sock puppets. Pathetic.
Elia:
"I've asked a couple of times but my comments never shown up. I was wondering why I can't post a review of one of your books on Amazon? Has it been disabled? Thanks."
Robert Stanek:
"Stacy Avary aka Anastacia Kelley should probably see a psychiatrist. If you're her friend maybe you can convince her to start taking her medication. Good luck with that!"
Elia:
"Umm, what does she have to do with your books? I have more friends than just her. I don't know why you're being so nasty. She is an author. Is that why you're bitter towards her? Yes, I love 'Nightfall". I can love more than one book, you know. I'll review your book elsewhere but I will make a note of you acting jealous."
My guess is that he attacked this author because she was the 1st one he saw. I'm sure it's jealousy because she has legit reviewers honestly liking her work. I've never seen such terrible behavior before. In all honesty, his books are not and will never be as well-written as Kelley's. She has already written circles around him.
Stanek's book is so poorly written, I feel more like I'm reading gibberish than a supposed great book. The story is choppy; the scenes jump uncomfortably from 1 scene to the next that no one can follow. He should not be comparing his book to Tolkien. He should not think he's a better writer than Anastacia Kelley or any author out there. Stanek is one of the worst writers ever. After reading about the fraud, I was shocked how far he went to make himself look like a best seller. I'm positive those 5 stars are sock puppets. Pathetic.
October 26, 2012
I got this back in my early days of trying to find decent new fantasy to read after Tolkien, Jordan, and Brooks, and the 5-star reviews led me to believe that this was going to be real quality fantasy on a par with Tolkien himself. Unfortunately, it is not, and instead I was often - baffled. The writing is contradictory and confusing, and I found myself re-reading passages to try to visualize what was going on, but then giving up and pressing on just to finish.
The only reason I continued reading the series is that I was foolish enough to order them all at once instead of waiting to see if I liked the first one, and I was also foolish enough to hope they'd get better. I read four books from this author and instead of feeling like I at least got my money's worth, I just felt like I wasted a bunch of time as well as money.
The rave reviews are why I hoped it would get better, thinking it must be me and everything would click into place at some point. Unfortunately it never happened and I was extremely disappointed not to have discovered 'the next Tolkien.' The writing is too confusing, and the story fails to meet its potential.
It's a shame, but I did try, and I read all four books with an open mind. I am not just bashing the author out of spite. Reviews are opinions, and I feel that other readers should be able to consider my opinion as they choose whether or not to read any book. I really don't mind if someone disagrees with me - if you enjoyed the books, I am happy for you. I honestly couldn't.
The only reason I continued reading the series is that I was foolish enough to order them all at once instead of waiting to see if I liked the first one, and I was also foolish enough to hope they'd get better. I read four books from this author and instead of feeling like I at least got my money's worth, I just felt like I wasted a bunch of time as well as money.
The rave reviews are why I hoped it would get better, thinking it must be me and everything would click into place at some point. Unfortunately it never happened and I was extremely disappointed not to have discovered 'the next Tolkien.' The writing is too confusing, and the story fails to meet its potential.
It's a shame, but I did try, and I read all four books with an open mind. I am not just bashing the author out of spite. Reviews are opinions, and I feel that other readers should be able to consider my opinion as they choose whether or not to read any book. I really don't mind if someone disagrees with me - if you enjoyed the books, I am happy for you. I honestly couldn't.
January 22, 2015
Don't believe the hype. This book has not been recommended as claimed in the blurb. It is not a best seller. It has not won awards. It is amateur garbage that has been slickly marketed. It also is not appropriate for children.
In addition the narrator on the version sold through Audible is horrendous.
Do your due diligence before purchasing this one.
My advice: Don't waste any money or any time on this one. There is no one who would honestly and truthfully believe this trash is a great story.
There are however critiques of it on the web that are pretty entertaining. Find one of those instead if you really want to know what this book is all about.
I recommend this one: http://conjugalfelicity.com/keeper-ma...
In addition the narrator on the version sold through Audible is horrendous.
Do your due diligence before purchasing this one.
My advice: Don't waste any money or any time on this one. There is no one who would honestly and truthfully believe this trash is a great story.
There are however critiques of it on the web that are pretty entertaining. Find one of those instead if you really want to know what this book is all about.
I recommend this one: http://conjugalfelicity.com/keeper-ma...
January 5, 2024
"The best of us," Mary Osborne, author, "so many writers owe so much to Robert. He was ahead of his time."Yeah . . . no.
"A breathtaking world and an excellent epic fantasy series! This wonderful adventure reminds me of a cross between J.R.R. Tolkien, J.K. Rowling, Tad Williams, and C. S. Lewis."
"The Pulitzer prize-winning author and National Book Award recipient, Wallace Stegner, who is thought of as the Dean of Western Writers, once called William one of the most versatile and naturally talented writers he'd ever met, Tolkien's heir."
"Great series by a great author. A shame of these fake 1 stars from more than a decade after the book came out by adults on a YA/children’s book are still flooding it. Good Reads should be ashamed to been a part of killing the career of such a great author."
I came late to Stanek awareness. I think you had to be very online 15-20 years ago to be in the thick of it. My introduction came when I was first exploring Kindle books as my first e-book foray. I found myself on one of his book's pages on Amazon, with "INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLING AUTHOR" blazing and I thought, what could that possibly mean? I've lived in bookstores and libraries forever, and I figured if the claim were true there would be an ounce of name recognition. On the surface, his books sure didn't look like anything that would have made a splash. I found this title listed for free at the time and "bought" it to see what was going on. That was almost four years ago now.
I've learned about Stanek in the interim. The best and most-cited resource on the whole situation is http://conjugalfelicity.com/robert-st.... In brief, it's a cavalcade of narcissism and fakery, comparable to the Maradonia saga (captured on the same website), but less entertaining than Norman Boutin's public narcissism, if you want to rank such things.
But I'm not here to review a person, I'm reviewing a book. This book, in fact. It's absolutely the worst.
I've read a lot of terrible things. Many of them are documented here on Goodreads, but I've also taken paid beta reading gigs and have seen the gamut of amateur fantasy fiction, from people just starting out as writers with little to no clue about the craft. That's fine, they're learning and have room to grow before publishing anything. Some of those manuscripts have been confusing, aimless, artless, and very off track. Winds of Change is easily worse than most of them.
What is Winds of Change even about? Having read it, it's impossible for me to say. There are three main characters with separate storylines, and vague portents of change. I could not describe the personality of any character because they're ephemeral and they change on a dime. Most of the time it's unclear what any particular chapter or section is trying to accomplish because the writing is so sloppy. Words are used confusingly and incorrectly. Worldbuilding is handled terribly, and what content can be parsed is extremely dull.
Honestly, I'd rather read Whiskey Flowers and T.D. Wilson than ever read anything by Stanek again. It doesn't even deserve to be read ironically. At least objectively, absurdly bad writers like Dale M Courtney and Dwight David Thrash CPA FCPA CGMA offer some amusement; Stanek's offering is bland, boring, utterly artless, unamusing, dreary awfulness that deserves shunning for eternity.
There are illustrations! They are not good illustrations.
April 18, 2010
Our current daily commute audio book. So far I don't like it all: It's like the audio equivalent of watching paint dry but it's still very early in the book so I have hope since the book received a lot of positive reviews on Audible.
Update: The book never really got any better. Neither my son or I liked it. I would describe it the audio book as the auditory equivalent of "watching paint dry." Part of it has to do with the narrator (who was very flat), but the biggest problem is that very little of interest goes on in the book and much of it seems to be setting up bigger to take place in later books - too bad because I don't have the time or desire to follow up with later books in the series in the vague hope that it will get better.
Update: The book never really got any better. Neither my son or I liked it. I would describe it the audio book as the auditory equivalent of "watching paint dry." Part of it has to do with the narrator (who was very flat), but the biggest problem is that very little of interest goes on in the book and much of it seems to be setting up bigger to take place in later books - too bad because I don't have the time or desire to follow up with later books in the series in the vague hope that it will get better.
January 19, 2010
Worst book I have ever attempted to read.
February 15, 2015
I’m all for self-published authors, so it’s not really politically or aesthetically pleasant for me to beat up on a guy who’s just trying to make it. That said, this text could really use an editor, which is one of the virtues of the conventional agent/editor/publisher/ marketer process. Suffice to state that this text warrants a ’revise & resubmit’ response. (We need not feel too guilty in responding negatively here, though, as author apparently has had some bona fide success as a writer of non-fictional computer machine manuals and in children’s literature.)
Basic narrative splits between three protagonists, at least two of whom are nauseating adolescents. One is an aristocrat, whose motivation is the juvenile version of Mme Bovary--bored with comfortable life. Another guy is some kind of faerie guard who speaks in italics, which means either telepathic or constipated (hard to discern). Third is a bucolic virgin who might have superpowers. Development, such as it is, is traditional journey/quest--though it was not obvious to me what the objective was, except that everyone was on the move. Magical kid fights a bicephalous wolf. Italics faerie gets in a naval battle (which generates the infamous “ironic agony” noted by other readers). Not sure what princess does. Ends abruptly, with no manifest purpose.
On the whole, therefore, a poorly executed YA fantasy in the tolkienian/gygaxian vein, which, pursuant to what is now known colloquially as Sturgeon’s Law, places it somewhere within the standard deviation just below the mean.
What is interesting about this text, and what makes it worthy of a quick look, is the marketing campaign that supersedes it. Much of this has been detailed at http://conjugalfelicity.com/robert-st..., and there’s a comical series of stanek-oriented threads at westeros.com (http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/...).
The central allegation, which author has disputed NB, is that author created hundreds of sock puppets to praise the text directly in reviews, write negative reviews of perceived competitor texts, and contribute positive reviews to other texts such as “This is a great novel, in the tradition of Tolkien, Lewis, and Stanek.” Negative reviewers of this text, taken in by this kind of marketing, were perhaps understandably perplexed by the inconsistency between the claim and specification, as it were.
I don’t care much for the seeming moral debate on sockpuppets. It is after all the internets, and most of us, I’d think, have numerous personae that we use for different purposes, rarely using our True Names, because, as we all know from the ancient texts of speculative fiction, these confer authority over the Named by the Namer (Rothfuss of course is well known for the recent deployment of this old genre convention.)
We might thus regard the text of the ‘novel’ here to be merely an excuse for the marketing campaign. When comparing the effort that must’ve went into each respective product, it appears as though the text itself were composed over a couple of PBRs one afternoon, whereas the marketing campaign is a long labor in crafting characters (internet persona, i.e.) much more believable and affective than the crude stock figures of the text. Whereas the novel itself, manifestly in the quest-oriented tradition of serialized speculative fiction, does not plainly disclose its purpose, the characters of the sock-marketing campaign have a very plain quest to call attention to the text itself, which objective is well evidenced.
Sadly, many of the primary texts of the sock-marketing campaign were deleted by amazon, goodreads, and other hosts. I regard this as the equivalent of book-burning, though I’m sure someone slick can make the case that it is au contrare truly the answer to Rauschenberg’s erasure of de Kooning (see http://www.sfmoma.org/explore/collect...). The derridean reading of the whole affair likewise writes itself: the signifiers used in the construction of sock personae are merely reiterations of author, whose identity, for all we know, is more or less infinitely deferred through the process of signification. In this connection we don’t even get to the old question of authorial intent; author is absent. But: we also don’t really get to the more recent, but now old, formalist question of the text itself, which dissolves amid the much more salient text of the sockpuppetry. The socks circulate the drain of the absent text, a quantum singularity that need not be perceived directly.
We might therefore regard the performance of the socks as a slick pomo art form, for which the text is merely an occasion.
Recommending the socks for speculative fiction peoples, postmodernists, and the like.
Basic narrative splits between three protagonists, at least two of whom are nauseating adolescents. One is an aristocrat, whose motivation is the juvenile version of Mme Bovary--bored with comfortable life. Another guy is some kind of faerie guard who speaks in italics, which means either telepathic or constipated (hard to discern). Third is a bucolic virgin who might have superpowers. Development, such as it is, is traditional journey/quest--though it was not obvious to me what the objective was, except that everyone was on the move. Magical kid fights a bicephalous wolf. Italics faerie gets in a naval battle (which generates the infamous “ironic agony” noted by other readers). Not sure what princess does. Ends abruptly, with no manifest purpose.
On the whole, therefore, a poorly executed YA fantasy in the tolkienian/gygaxian vein, which, pursuant to what is now known colloquially as Sturgeon’s Law, places it somewhere within the standard deviation just below the mean.
What is interesting about this text, and what makes it worthy of a quick look, is the marketing campaign that supersedes it. Much of this has been detailed at http://conjugalfelicity.com/robert-st..., and there’s a comical series of stanek-oriented threads at westeros.com (http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/...).
The central allegation, which author has disputed NB, is that author created hundreds of sock puppets to praise the text directly in reviews, write negative reviews of perceived competitor texts, and contribute positive reviews to other texts such as “This is a great novel, in the tradition of Tolkien, Lewis, and Stanek.” Negative reviewers of this text, taken in by this kind of marketing, were perhaps understandably perplexed by the inconsistency between the claim and specification, as it were.
I don’t care much for the seeming moral debate on sockpuppets. It is after all the internets, and most of us, I’d think, have numerous personae that we use for different purposes, rarely using our True Names, because, as we all know from the ancient texts of speculative fiction, these confer authority over the Named by the Namer (Rothfuss of course is well known for the recent deployment of this old genre convention.)
We might thus regard the text of the ‘novel’ here to be merely an excuse for the marketing campaign. When comparing the effort that must’ve went into each respective product, it appears as though the text itself were composed over a couple of PBRs one afternoon, whereas the marketing campaign is a long labor in crafting characters (internet persona, i.e.) much more believable and affective than the crude stock figures of the text. Whereas the novel itself, manifestly in the quest-oriented tradition of serialized speculative fiction, does not plainly disclose its purpose, the characters of the sock-marketing campaign have a very plain quest to call attention to the text itself, which objective is well evidenced.
Sadly, many of the primary texts of the sock-marketing campaign were deleted by amazon, goodreads, and other hosts. I regard this as the equivalent of book-burning, though I’m sure someone slick can make the case that it is au contrare truly the answer to Rauschenberg’s erasure of de Kooning (see http://www.sfmoma.org/explore/collect...). The derridean reading of the whole affair likewise writes itself: the signifiers used in the construction of sock personae are merely reiterations of author, whose identity, for all we know, is more or less infinitely deferred through the process of signification. In this connection we don’t even get to the old question of authorial intent; author is absent. But: we also don’t really get to the more recent, but now old, formalist question of the text itself, which dissolves amid the much more salient text of the sockpuppetry. The socks circulate the drain of the absent text, a quantum singularity that need not be perceived directly.
We might therefore regard the performance of the socks as a slick pomo art form, for which the text is merely an occasion.
Recommending the socks for speculative fiction peoples, postmodernists, and the like.
May 6, 2011
Self published, poorly written, bad illustrations. Boring, even for kids who like fantasy.
April 21, 2013
I read these books when I was 13 or 14. Being a sucker for anything fantasy/elf related at the time, I finished most of them. I have to say I could have spent my time better, although looking back, they were a good laugh. The story is rather disjointed. There seem to be large chunks missing for no reason. I was very confused. I found a few of the characters mildly amusing but overall I just didn't know what the heck was going on half the time. Also the writing wasn't worth the money. It was awkward and unnatural. So...don't believe the hundreds of 5-star reviews.
(I'm also posting this review just to see what happens.) :)
(I'm also posting this review just to see what happens.) :)
August 18, 2010
So dreadful I never finished it.
January 26, 2013
Could not get into it. The narrator annoyed me, and the phrasing was awkward; it just felt amateurish.
November 30, 2015
This was one of the first books I bought after I signed up for my Audible membership. Clearly I fell victim to the marketing frenzy surrounding this book. Whatever the cause, the book just does not live up to the hype. It's laughable for Stanek to be mentioned in the same sentence as Tolkien, Rowling, or G.R.R. Martin. In fact, they probably don't even belong in the same universe. Don't bother.
February 22, 2020
This is the worst thing I have ever read, and I helped edit my High School's 'Literary Magazine' so that's saying something! It was so bad that I had to recalibrate my personal rating system and I am left with the feeling that everything I have ever rated should be bumped up a star to accommodate this new level of terrible.
January 30, 2008
I must be getting old, or my tastes have radically changed becuase I only made it about 2 chapters into this book before getting tired of the whole elf thing and giving up.
September 12, 2018
I'd like to add to all the brickbats thrown at this heap of irredeemable swamp muck, but instead I'm just going to list a bunch of my favorite awkward phrases. You're welcome.
- Vilmos beaded his eyes.
- Astonished, both his eyes grew wide.
- He saw the sun in the clearing and ran for it's safety.
- Galan had the insatiable curiosity of a preborn child.
- The eagle with it's stout, generous wings...
- Emel deliberately chased a spark of awe away from his face.
- Emel had his own skill of tongue...
- ...several expressions of glee escaped her anxious lips.
- She chuckled a bit...at (his) gauche waddle...
- ...the voice rang with heavy truths.
- ...the iron gate clambered closed.
All of page 100. Just...all of it.
- Emel looked at her, eyes agape...
- Yet, with a cry of ironic agony, their charge ended.
- There was a distinct quality to the spoken speech that was consciously inaudible to all save cautioned ears...
- The sound of hundreds of horses, the clash of whips and voices soon became overbearing.
- "I have given it much thought," he said furrowing his eyebrows...
- ...a pale and somber gibbous moon shown down.
- Now, faith in their service would take them to safety or deliver them from life.
- Vilmos beaded his eyes.
- Astonished, both his eyes grew wide.
- He saw the sun in the clearing and ran for it's safety.
- Galan had the insatiable curiosity of a preborn child.
- The eagle with it's stout, generous wings...
- Emel deliberately chased a spark of awe away from his face.
- Emel had his own skill of tongue...
- ...several expressions of glee escaped her anxious lips.
- She chuckled a bit...at (his) gauche waddle...
- ...the voice rang with heavy truths.
- ...the iron gate clambered closed.
All of page 100. Just...all of it.
- Emel looked at her, eyes agape...
- Yet, with a cry of ironic agony, their charge ended.
- There was a distinct quality to the spoken speech that was consciously inaudible to all save cautioned ears...
- The sound of hundreds of horses, the clash of whips and voices soon became overbearing.
- "I have given it much thought," he said furrowing his eyebrows...
- ...a pale and somber gibbous moon shown down.
- Now, faith in their service would take them to safety or deliver them from life.
December 23, 2013
NEVER WILL I SUCCUMB MY BRAIN FOR THIS TORTURE AGAIN!
How to get the same results WITHOUT READING THE BOOK!!
February 3, 2013
Could possibly be the worst book in the genre, no! the worst book of all time...
April 7, 2015
One need venture no further than the "Look Inside" feature on Amazon to know that Robert Stanek's "Keeper Martin's Tales #1" is NOT on par with Tolkien, Rowling or any other prolific author whatsoever. All cover editions for this book look as cheap as the contents they hide. The maps and illustrations are unremarkable. The location names range from awkward to bordering on plagiarism, if not over-stepping the bounds (Middle Earth?!)
But let's concentrate on the first few pages of chapter one, shall we?
After a couple of awkwardly-worded sentences, we're introduced to the character of Adrina. She's wearing a light shawl. Good and fine, but then the ambiguity of Bad Grammar kicks in well and truly with: "A breeze blew long strands of hair across her face." No indication whether the hair is attached to her head or has just blown in off the breeze. It goes on: "The hair, black as the receding night, flowed to her waist." I'm visualizing this stray thatch of hair that's randomly blown onto poor Adrina's face, falling down her body to her waist as the breeze dies. It's awkward, and it's jarring, but this is just the beginning; Mr Stanek is only getting warmed up. Wait for it.
A sentence later and we're given this: "... for the breeze came from the north and not from the West Deep." Am I supposed to take notice of the capitalization? I don't know. Is 'West Deep' a place? A region? Or just the 'deep west' as opposed to the 'north'? Never mind, it's still the beginning; let's move on...
"The silence seemed a shroud over the whole of Imtal clear to the Braddabaggon foothills." Okay, we're only into the first couple of paragraphs and we've already been given four place names. And remember, this is all Adrina's thought-process. Next line...
"Many stories below, the city's residents would soon awake." Ah, 'stories'? Surely, Mr Stanek, you mean 'storeys'? Moving on to the next paragraph...
"... for the silence echoed the aching of her heart." Is an aching heart silent? That's a first.
Maybe it was just a few weak introductory paragraphs while the author was finding his feet. Or maybe not. In the following paragraph Adrina gives us a ridiculous info dump, aka Geography 101. We get: "grey stone edifice," "cold palace wall," "portcullis tucked cleanly out of view," "Great Kingdom," "High Province in the north," "mountains of ice and stone," "rivers boiled," "blankets of fog," "forest of great white trees called giant birch," "South Province," "capital city," "majestic Quashan' valley," "East through the Kingdom," "East-West road," "Territories, divided east and west," "Untamed Eastern Territories," "Western Territories," "Kingdom Outposts: Zashchita and Krepost'," "River Krepost," "mountain city," "cliffs," "Statter's Bay." End of paragraph. Phew. I'm exahusted.
It doesn't get better. It continues on in its flat, tedious, uninspiring prose for page after page after page. Thank the stars that I looked inside before deciding whether to purchase this book.
The one good thing about Mr Stanek's strength of prose and command of grammar (or lack thereof) is that there are moments of utterly unintentional hilarity; well, maybe not, but at least a modicum of bemusement, enough to make you shake your head and chuckle at the awful choice of words, and be glad you dodged a bullet by not paying for this garbage.
But let's look deeper. The author claims that "Nearly a million people have read the Ruin Mist books." He also claims "Books by Robert Stanek have been read by well over 7.5 million people," and "A book of his is sold every 60 seconds," and "In 2013, his 150th book was published and there are over 1000 of his titles in distribution worldwide." Reading ABOUT Robert Stanek is almost as exhausting as reading his actual stories. Mr Stanek appears to be notorious. With so many fans he really ought to hold conventions; it would be great to see them all in one place, wearing cotton or woollen masks depicting their beloved author's face.
Final thought: Mr Stanek is at the opposite end of the spectrum to the great JRR Tolkien. Where the grandfather of epic fantasy knew how to weave literary magic, to create wonderful characters, an amazingly-detailed world, a high command of language, and an incredibly deep mythos, by contrast Robert Stanek is the weakest imitation, and whoever it is that thinks he's on par with Tolkien is sadly deluded.
But let's concentrate on the first few pages of chapter one, shall we?
After a couple of awkwardly-worded sentences, we're introduced to the character of Adrina. She's wearing a light shawl. Good and fine, but then the ambiguity of Bad Grammar kicks in well and truly with: "A breeze blew long strands of hair across her face." No indication whether the hair is attached to her head or has just blown in off the breeze. It goes on: "The hair, black as the receding night, flowed to her waist." I'm visualizing this stray thatch of hair that's randomly blown onto poor Adrina's face, falling down her body to her waist as the breeze dies. It's awkward, and it's jarring, but this is just the beginning; Mr Stanek is only getting warmed up. Wait for it.
A sentence later and we're given this: "... for the breeze came from the north and not from the West Deep." Am I supposed to take notice of the capitalization? I don't know. Is 'West Deep' a place? A region? Or just the 'deep west' as opposed to the 'north'? Never mind, it's still the beginning; let's move on...
"The silence seemed a shroud over the whole of Imtal clear to the Braddabaggon foothills." Okay, we're only into the first couple of paragraphs and we've already been given four place names. And remember, this is all Adrina's thought-process. Next line...
"Many stories below, the city's residents would soon awake." Ah, 'stories'? Surely, Mr Stanek, you mean 'storeys'? Moving on to the next paragraph...
"... for the silence echoed the aching of her heart." Is an aching heart silent? That's a first.
Maybe it was just a few weak introductory paragraphs while the author was finding his feet. Or maybe not. In the following paragraph Adrina gives us a ridiculous info dump, aka Geography 101. We get: "grey stone edifice," "cold palace wall," "portcullis tucked cleanly out of view," "Great Kingdom," "High Province in the north," "mountains of ice and stone," "rivers boiled," "blankets of fog," "forest of great white trees called giant birch," "South Province," "capital city," "majestic Quashan' valley," "East through the Kingdom," "East-West road," "Territories, divided east and west," "Untamed Eastern Territories," "Western Territories," "Kingdom Outposts: Zashchita and Krepost'," "River Krepost," "mountain city," "cliffs," "Statter's Bay." End of paragraph. Phew. I'm exahusted.
It doesn't get better. It continues on in its flat, tedious, uninspiring prose for page after page after page. Thank the stars that I looked inside before deciding whether to purchase this book.
The one good thing about Mr Stanek's strength of prose and command of grammar (or lack thereof) is that there are moments of utterly unintentional hilarity; well, maybe not, but at least a modicum of bemusement, enough to make you shake your head and chuckle at the awful choice of words, and be glad you dodged a bullet by not paying for this garbage.
But let's look deeper. The author claims that "Nearly a million people have read the Ruin Mist books." He also claims "Books by Robert Stanek have been read by well over 7.5 million people," and "A book of his is sold every 60 seconds," and "In 2013, his 150th book was published and there are over 1000 of his titles in distribution worldwide." Reading ABOUT Robert Stanek is almost as exhausting as reading his actual stories. Mr Stanek appears to be notorious. With so many fans he really ought to hold conventions; it would be great to see them all in one place, wearing cotton or woollen masks depicting their beloved author's face.
Final thought: Mr Stanek is at the opposite end of the spectrum to the great JRR Tolkien. Where the grandfather of epic fantasy knew how to weave literary magic, to create wonderful characters, an amazingly-detailed world, a high command of language, and an incredibly deep mythos, by contrast Robert Stanek is the weakest imitation, and whoever it is that thinks he's on par with Tolkien is sadly deluded.
January 13, 2019
I have to admit, I got to this thing out of curiosity due to the articles on conjugalfelicity and decided to, ya know, give it a whirl. It is, sad to say, a truly abysmal tale of woe that is not even so-bad-it's-hilarious. I'm not going to go beyond mentioning the supposed author shenanigans in passing, but none of that helped me be in any way lenient with the book itself. The sporkings on conjugalfelicity are hilarious, but the book is boring, filled with stereotypes, and just plain confusing. The prose is terribly purple and really distracts from the content the author is trying to convey (it's kind of weird and disturbing sometimes, too). You get the feeling he never edited any of it. It's impossible to read it attentively all the way through to the end. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I for one cannot recommend this 'novel'. It's not as entertaining as one might think.
December 1, 2008
Finished listening to this book on my iPod while commuting to work. I've started on the second book, so it must be at least mildy entertaining. It's not really very creative, and it drones on and on without coming to any conclusions. I think it's meant as an epic. This is only book 1, and it ends in the middle of turmoil, like the Star Wars movies. Unless you really have nothing better to do, I'd recommend listening to this while you do something else rather than reading it, as it is really a good time waster.
January 24, 2016
How do you market a wretched fantasy book to a much younger audience? Why, you chop it in half and sell it as two separate, shorter books!
Sadly for Robert Stanek's "The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches," which is the first half of "Keeper Martin's Tales." this just highlights what a confusing, frustrating train wreck his attempt at an epic fantasy is. There's almost nothing going on (even compared to the later works of Robert Jordan), the characters are disastrously shallow and/or obnoxious, the conflict is impossible to understand, and the way that Stanek writes every scene is brain-meltingly dull.
I wish I could summarize this book properly, but it's difficult to even do that much. Basically, a war is brewing among the four kingdoms, although I'm not sure who the villains are, what caused the conflict, or why the heroes are involved. It's not a good sign for an epic fantasy when your initial response is a long string of one-word questions: "Why? How? When? What? Huh?"
Three particular characters become embroiled in the conflict -- sociopathic "spunky princess" Adrina, the befuddled elf bodyguard Seth, and the sadistic magical child Vilmos. Vilmos is taken under the wing of wizened magician Xith; Seth is sent by the Elf Queen to get involved in... some conflict; and Adrina, after much contrived castle intrigue, goes... somewhere with her love interest Emel.
Yeah, "Keeper Martin's Tales" was a disaster of a book, but "The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches" is actually WORSE than the book it makes up the first half of. Stanek took what little substance the original "adult" book had, and halved it. Even if this semi-crooked approach to publishing weren't.... well, semi-crooked, this was not a good thing. It actually highlights just how LITTLE is actually going on in the story... and it ends at a totally random spot with a very awkwardly-placed "to be continued."
It's also painfully confusing; I had no idea what caused the war, who was involved in it, or even who the villains were. Robert Stanek is absolutely ghastly at exposition -- he's one of those authors who seems to assume that you understand all the terminology and backstory of his world without actually EXPLAINING it or finding some way (ancient texts, letters, dialogue) to exposit.
The plot (if you can say there is one) is a meandering disaster of inexplicable events (Vilmos encounters a two-headed beast that... has nothing to do with anything else). Stanek doesn't really bother to give any actual texture to his imaginary world and cultures -- there's a castle, and there's a place with elves and mood-ring rooms, but not much else. It's like a 2-dimensional stage set. Also, Stanek clearly has no idea how subplots progress, since he flings his characters to wherever he feels like putting them, without warning. For instance, in one chapter Seth is hanging out in the Elf... city? Country? Civilization?.... and the next he's suddenly in battle hundreds of miles away.
Furthermore, Stanek has a writing style that manages to be both bloated and vacuous, so that the act of reading it is like trying to do the backstroke in zero gravity. There's little substance there, but you have to slog through so much that it becomes exhausting to try to read. He keeps using words that he clearly doesn't understand ("Galan had the insatiable curiosity of a preborn child") and phrases that don't belong in a fantasy book ("It is called non-corporeal stasis, an out of body experience"). His writing simply rambles on without any actual POINT, littered with gaping plot holes, terrible metaphors, and Big Significant Events that.... aren't. And of course, his dialogue often sinks into nonsense (“Rouse two guards to council doors").
Stanek's characters are almost as ghastly as his prose -- Adrina, Seth and Vilmos all show signs of sociopathic behavior, whether it's frightening other people for fun or cold-bloodedly manipulating them. Nobody in this book does anything in a logical manner, bursting into tears or freaking out based on... whatever the author wants them to do at a given moment. Adrina is a particularly annoying character, since she also embodies the Rebellious Princess trope. So she would be irritating even if she weren't a sociopath.
As if "Keeper Martin's Tales" wasn't teeth-grindingly annoying already, "The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches" takes what little content Stanek's book had... and gives you only half for your money. Save your money for a book by Tolkien.
Sadly for Robert Stanek's "The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches," which is the first half of "Keeper Martin's Tales." this just highlights what a confusing, frustrating train wreck his attempt at an epic fantasy is. There's almost nothing going on (even compared to the later works of Robert Jordan), the characters are disastrously shallow and/or obnoxious, the conflict is impossible to understand, and the way that Stanek writes every scene is brain-meltingly dull.
I wish I could summarize this book properly, but it's difficult to even do that much. Basically, a war is brewing among the four kingdoms, although I'm not sure who the villains are, what caused the conflict, or why the heroes are involved. It's not a good sign for an epic fantasy when your initial response is a long string of one-word questions: "Why? How? When? What? Huh?"
Three particular characters become embroiled in the conflict -- sociopathic "spunky princess" Adrina, the befuddled elf bodyguard Seth, and the sadistic magical child Vilmos. Vilmos is taken under the wing of wizened magician Xith; Seth is sent by the Elf Queen to get involved in... some conflict; and Adrina, after much contrived castle intrigue, goes... somewhere with her love interest Emel.
Yeah, "Keeper Martin's Tales" was a disaster of a book, but "The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches" is actually WORSE than the book it makes up the first half of. Stanek took what little substance the original "adult" book had, and halved it. Even if this semi-crooked approach to publishing weren't.... well, semi-crooked, this was not a good thing. It actually highlights just how LITTLE is actually going on in the story... and it ends at a totally random spot with a very awkwardly-placed "to be continued."
It's also painfully confusing; I had no idea what caused the war, who was involved in it, or even who the villains were. Robert Stanek is absolutely ghastly at exposition -- he's one of those authors who seems to assume that you understand all the terminology and backstory of his world without actually EXPLAINING it or finding some way (ancient texts, letters, dialogue) to exposit.
The plot (if you can say there is one) is a meandering disaster of inexplicable events (Vilmos encounters a two-headed beast that... has nothing to do with anything else). Stanek doesn't really bother to give any actual texture to his imaginary world and cultures -- there's a castle, and there's a place with elves and mood-ring rooms, but not much else. It's like a 2-dimensional stage set. Also, Stanek clearly has no idea how subplots progress, since he flings his characters to wherever he feels like putting them, without warning. For instance, in one chapter Seth is hanging out in the Elf... city? Country? Civilization?.... and the next he's suddenly in battle hundreds of miles away.
Furthermore, Stanek has a writing style that manages to be both bloated and vacuous, so that the act of reading it is like trying to do the backstroke in zero gravity. There's little substance there, but you have to slog through so much that it becomes exhausting to try to read. He keeps using words that he clearly doesn't understand ("Galan had the insatiable curiosity of a preborn child") and phrases that don't belong in a fantasy book ("It is called non-corporeal stasis, an out of body experience"). His writing simply rambles on without any actual POINT, littered with gaping plot holes, terrible metaphors, and Big Significant Events that.... aren't. And of course, his dialogue often sinks into nonsense (“Rouse two guards to council doors").
Stanek's characters are almost as ghastly as his prose -- Adrina, Seth and Vilmos all show signs of sociopathic behavior, whether it's frightening other people for fun or cold-bloodedly manipulating them. Nobody in this book does anything in a logical manner, bursting into tears or freaking out based on... whatever the author wants them to do at a given moment. Adrina is a particularly annoying character, since she also embodies the Rebellious Princess trope. So she would be irritating even if she weren't a sociopath.
As if "Keeper Martin's Tales" wasn't teeth-grindingly annoying already, "The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches" takes what little content Stanek's book had... and gives you only half for your money. Save your money for a book by Tolkien.
April 24, 2017
I tried to read this. Sweet raptor Jesus, did I try. But this is beyond bad.
To tell you how bad exactly, the one person I know that managed to finish this mess and have some understanding of what's going on had to maintain his personal wiki to be able to google shit when he lost the plot.
I am not as dedicated. This book is incredibly badly written, filled with ridiculous similies and comparisons, one note characters that do almost nothing until the plot requires them too and events that I just don't know why are happening.
Most of the action in this book is OFF SCREEN. A great example is when in one chapter, A-team of characters is preparing for battle, then for a few chapters we switch to the B-team and then when we come back to the A-team, they just TALK about what a fight they had. And this isn't the only case where stuff I'd really like to read about is left to my imagination or spelled out in dialogue.
And that's all aside of the entire marketing and lying fiasco that the author personally is...
I might come back to this occasionally to at least TRY and finish it. I mean I finished 50 shades of Grey and Save the Pearls.
Let that sink in, I managed to read through SAVE THE FUCKING PEARLS but this is the book I couldn't finish. It's nowhere near as offensive as that racist piece of shit, but the writing is so bad I just... I can't.
It's like sitting down to watch a so-bad-it's-good movie and then realizing someone put on "MANOS" but without the MST3K riff. You just can't deal with that.
To tell you how bad exactly, the one person I know that managed to finish this mess and have some understanding of what's going on had to maintain his personal wiki to be able to google shit when he lost the plot.
I am not as dedicated. This book is incredibly badly written, filled with ridiculous similies and comparisons, one note characters that do almost nothing until the plot requires them too and events that I just don't know why are happening.
Most of the action in this book is OFF SCREEN. A great example is when in one chapter, A-team of characters is preparing for battle, then for a few chapters we switch to the B-team and then when we come back to the A-team, they just TALK about what a fight they had. And this isn't the only case where stuff I'd really like to read about is left to my imagination or spelled out in dialogue.
And that's all aside of the entire marketing and lying fiasco that the author personally is...
I might come back to this occasionally to at least TRY and finish it. I mean I finished 50 shades of Grey and Save the Pearls.
Let that sink in, I managed to read through SAVE THE FUCKING PEARLS but this is the book I couldn't finish. It's nowhere near as offensive as that racist piece of shit, but the writing is so bad I just... I can't.
It's like sitting down to watch a so-bad-it's-good movie and then realizing someone put on "MANOS" but without the MST3K riff. You just can't deal with that.
September 1, 2011
Terrible recording of a not great narrator.
December 5, 2017
See my review here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
March 18, 2016
Another badly written "fantasy"* novel composed mainly of cliches and elements of earlier, better works thrown together without much originality, written by an author (sorry, BEST-SELLING AUTHOR) seemingly more interested in self-promotion than in crafting a good story. See also the works of Morgan Rice, Allegra Skye, et al.
This clumsily titled book is (of course) the first in some apparently vast series, and as such is simply setup for future installments (with a large part of its pagecount being taken up by a huge glossary). Not a huge amount seems to happen at all, in fact, as it's divided between at least three non-interacting protagonists, two of whom are straight out of Generic Young Adult Fantasy 101: a rebellious princess and a young boy in a backwater village with special powers. The supporting cast continue the theme, with multiple mysterious mentor figures who say cryptic things about destiny, the obligatory unpleasant parental figure, the guy the princess has belligerent romantic tension with, etc. The third protagonist, an elven knight/bodyguard dispatched by his queen to protect the obligatory Chosen One, has some potential to be an interesting character (e.g. the fact that he's out of his depth and finds studying human culture confusing). His plotline also has glimmerings of imagination in its depiction of the elves' culture, but like the others, it is dragged down by vague, padded-out writing rife with cliches.
In summary: there are far better fantasy works out there, don't bother with this one unless you want to look at a shining example of the worst side of the genre.
*Quotation marks because there is little or nothing fantastical or imaginative about most stories of this sort; they're simply adventure stories that happen to use the standard-issue Generic Fantasy Setting as their backdrop.
This clumsily titled book is (of course) the first in some apparently vast series, and as such is simply setup for future installments (with a large part of its pagecount being taken up by a huge glossary). Not a huge amount seems to happen at all, in fact, as it's divided between at least three non-interacting protagonists, two of whom are straight out of Generic Young Adult Fantasy 101: a rebellious princess and a young boy in a backwater village with special powers. The supporting cast continue the theme, with multiple mysterious mentor figures who say cryptic things about destiny, the obligatory unpleasant parental figure, the guy the princess has belligerent romantic tension with, etc. The third protagonist, an elven knight/bodyguard dispatched by his queen to protect the obligatory Chosen One, has some potential to be an interesting character (e.g. the fact that he's out of his depth and finds studying human culture confusing). His plotline also has glimmerings of imagination in its depiction of the elves' culture, but like the others, it is dragged down by vague, padded-out writing rife with cliches.
In summary: there are far better fantasy works out there, don't bother with this one unless you want to look at a shining example of the worst side of the genre.
*Quotation marks because there is little or nothing fantastical or imaginative about most stories of this sort; they're simply adventure stories that happen to use the standard-issue Generic Fantasy Setting as their backdrop.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews