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152 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1993
’perhaps that’s the best of all stages when you’re falling in love, the stage, that is, where everything is still a cascade of unrealized potential, like when you’re standing outside an enormous amusement park of silence (just the distant sound of an orchestra tuning their instruments from somewhere beyond the trees) and you close your eyes and sigh in expectation, standing there before the main gate, where lightbulbs gleam brightly against the dark before you go inside, where the few attractions will just become noisier and noisier, more and more vulgar, as the jostling crowd grows even larger, the hawkers bolder, the entertainment simpler….until your reaction becomes a nightmare, as though these fancy, traditional firework displays were going off inside a prison cell… Finally, the gleaming lightbulbs and the fantastic displays go out, one by one, until the miraculous wonderland lies empty and abandoned, and the leaves begin to fall, suddenly it’s autumn, then the frost comes, it’s winter now, it’s snowing, the amusement park is buried in snow, covered in darkness and buried in snow, until the snow is the only thing left gleaming.’
’[T]hose are the people who are going to build their hopes in the Future; a future, oddly enough, that they regard in nostalgic terms, because it’s something they yearn for, they yearn and yearn, it’s something they’re actively working to produce, in a pleasant, large, though not overly large, happiness factory…therefore there’s no point in looking back, there’s just a compost heap of bygone days, days which to them are nothing but junk, rubbish, shit, good for nothing but fertilizing the ground from which their glorious future will spring.’
’It’s not the thought of death. No, that’s not the reason you ache in the springtime…it’s not an ache either, but a sorrow, a stab of worry…over life unlived; not the anger and angst about the fact that in the near future you won’t be experiencing anything at all (your fear of death actually decreases as you get older), but the nagging feeling that you haven’t experienced enough, that you’ve never really lived life, and even worse, that it’s to late to experience anything more, that the experiences you’ve had weren’t the experience you were meant to have, that somewhere along the way you took a wrong turn, and now it’s too late and as a result your life has in one sense been wasted.’
The trolley was black, and it looked like it had been through a fire or an explosion or maybe both, a wreck with no real route, but with a red cross on the door, and then the doors opened (the red cross had folded back and disappeared) and out had stepped a short, stocky, bareheaded (and bald) little man dressed in a shabby overcoat; his fingers sparkled with large rings showcasing various small gems. You thought he looked threatening, and you tensed yourself for a fight, but upon closer inspection, you decided that his face was actually warm, gentle and a little sad. Rings sparkling, he’d approached you and asked in an encouraging tone, Are you looking for someone? and, suddenly uncertain, you answered, Yes, but she’s not here, there must have been some misunderstanding, I don’t think either the clock or her heart works at night (it was suddenly night) and he said, Don’t worry about that, that’s not the reason you’re here, that was just an excuse; no, what you’ve got to understand is that meaning can be found in meaninglessness, and that these meaningless words hold all you need to know. Then he turned and vomited all over the platform. After that, he climbed back into the disfigured trolley, the doors closed (you noticed the red cross was now a skull), and the trolley had descended toward the city and disappeared.
From Beckett he gets the linguistic precision, the down-to-the-millimetre exactness, the brilliant pessimism, and last but certainly not least, the humour (which is often overlooked in Ulven’s texts, just as it’s often overlooked in Beckett’s, reverently shoved aside in favour of a form of awe for the gloom and doom that supposedly characterize them both, despite history’s overwhelming evidence to the contrary, namely, that the greatest pessimists are also the greatest humourists (and what else is there in life to laugh at than misery, tragedy, and suffering?)).This novel (for want of a better word) is far from being a poor man’s Beckett though. Indeed, at the end of his afterword, Sæterbakke expresses the hope that, like Kafkaesque (the best-known example), the term Ulvenesque becomes commonplace granting its namesake what he calls “adjectival status.” Having only read this one text I’m in no position to list off the necessary criteria to identify any text as Ulvenesque but maybe I’m not the best judge.
He watched the board in the water ten years ago. Or seventy-three years ago. On the beach. His hand on her thigh, up her skirt, and so on, no, not that, he thinks, but he could see flecks of light thrown from a sailboat as it drifted past a tangle of branches and leaves, disappearing and reappearing again, unbearably slow, and he could smell the acrid scent of roasted hotdogs coming from the bonfire up the beach (though by then the fire had burned down to a glowing, reddish-orange tangle that occasionally sent a shower of bright sparks gyrating upward with a snap), and he’s glad those days are past.His memories (and fantasies) bleed into each other. One minute he’s a love-struck young man climbing up a drainpipe to meet his girl and the next paragraph, without any warning, he’s a watchman in a factory. Assuming it’s the same man. He begins as a “he,” who eventually becomes a “you,” and then later a “he” again. My preference was to assume the old man’s mind is wandering and is entertaining itself as best it can. He goes from twenty-five to thirty-nine to forty-two to fifty to seventy-one and many points in-between. Like Krapp he wants to wallow in what might have been:
[Y]ou haven’t seen her for almost forty years, she’ll be old and ugly (like you). This argument isn’t entirely convincing, there’s something else there, and you realize, as the ungainly young man hands a stuffed animal (a plague-ridden one) to an older, well-dressed woman (who smiles happily), that you don’t want her now, you wanted her back then, you wanted her almost forty years ago, because if you got her now, it’d be too late, you’d only be getting the scraps, the leavings, the leftovers, the sweepings, the last remains of a life together, the so-called twilight years, during which you’d just sit and wait for the other to die…Others take a different view, that the fifteen or so characters in the book are distinct individuals who’ve reached a point of stasis in their lives. And why not? Maybe I’m trying too hard to unify the text. That’s the problem when you start comparing authors. It’s hard not to see echoes of The Unnamable here (“I can't go on, I'll go on.”) or Worstward Ho (“Fail again. Fail better.”):
No, even at seventy-one years of age you haven’t given up, you want to use up every bit of the cloying, mouldy remains of love (if it’s got anything to do with that at all) left at the bottom of your life; you completely lack the ability to let hope die. You’ve often wished you could just give up entirely, but that’s an inhuman task, you think, you’ve got to be a god, or at least a holy man, to simply give up, to resign yourself to the meagre pleasures afforded by the daily grind, though even those pleasures are few and fading, swiftly fading until they’re almost out of sight, while you drool—and will most likely go on drooling all the rest of your days—over the last sorry scraps of time, of experience, of life, whatever the hell that means.It doesn’t really matter. Like Beckett at his best Ulven here examines what it means to be human and, as with Beckett, what we see is often disappointing. So many missed or mishandled opportunities and yet “what you’ve got to understand is that meaning can be found in meaninglessness, and that these meaningless words hold all you need to know.”
“… por principios, me interesa escribir libros hostiles. Libros que molesten, tal vez atormenten al lector. Lo admito. Hay tantos lugares donde conseguir bálsamo y alivio para todos nuestros sufrimientos. Prefiero insistir en la miseria de la existencia en mis escritos. Ya hay suficiente morfina por ahí”
“… los intentos de desafiar los estereotipos son igual de estereotípicos que los estereotipos en sí”
“En principio, solo hay que abrir la puerta y empezar a caminar para hallarlo todo, absolutamente todo”
“Quizá ni siquiera sea dolor, sino pesar, desesperación… por la vida no vivida; tampoco disgusto o angustia por el hecho de que en breve ya no vayas a vivir nada más (la muerte te horroriza menos cuanto mayor te haces), sino la sensación desasosegante de no haber vivido nada, de no haber tenido una vida real y, peor aún, de que ya es tarde para vivir algo, o quizá más bien de que lo que deberías haber vivido era algo diferente a lo que viviste en realidad, de que te has perdido algo…”
“… lo peor quizá sea, piensas, la terrible sensación de que no podría, de ninguna forma sustancial haber sido de otra manera, de que no te habría ayudado tomar otras decisiones, relacionarte con otras personas, vivir en otros lugares, ejercer otra profesión, ser marido y viudo de otra mujer, etcétera…”
“… en realidad, detestas el invierno y te gusta la primera, y por lo tanto eres feliz cuando llega. ¿Cómo puede ser?”
“¿Cuántas veces has deseado ser capaz de rendirte?, pero ese es un arte sobrehumano, piensas, hay que ser divino, un santo, para rendirse, aceptar las alegrías ordinarias del sopor cotidiano, esas que se ven enormemente disminuidas, disminuidas hasta resultar casi invisibles, mientras babeas, y lo más seguro es que sigas babeando mientras te mantengas con vida, por esos despreciables restos de los restos del tiempo, de las vivencias, de la vida, o lo que sea que eso signifique”
“La vida humana no es más que un espectáculo superfluo”
“Quizás parte del secreto del arte resida en el hecho de que, sin que realmente lo sepamos, nos recuerda la imposibilidad de satisfacer una necesidad infinita, y que en esta misma imposibilidad murmura una amarga alegría: estamos separados de todo lo que podríamos haber tenido o sido, pero podemos pensar en ello”