لا تتأخر مرة ثانية: 7 علاجات لمدمني التأخير

by Diana Delonzor

مدمن التأخير: شخص لديه قدرة يتعذر تفسيرها على الاستيقاظ في السادسة صباحاً، ومع ذلك يظل يتأخر عن موعد العمل في التاسعة.

"ديانا ديلونزور في وصف موجز لمدمن التأخير في مقدمة كتابها"

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Personal Growth, Productivity, Adhd

169 pages, Unknown Binding

First published November 1, 2002

Reviews

[Tamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am chronically tardy. My mother likes to remind me that my birth on my due date was the last time I was on time. While I don't think one book is going to solve 30 years' worth of tardiness, reading this book gave me some valuable insight as to why I am constantly late, no matter how much time I have on my hands. I've implemented some of the author's suggested strategies, and more importantly, become more mindful of the psychological factors that hinder my efforts to be on time. To my surprise, I have actually arrived early on several occasions in the last couple weeks, which is a nice feeling. I'd recommend this book to anyone who has a difficult time with punctuality--not as a cure-all, but definitely as a step in the right direction.

[Haider Al-Mosawi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The thing I loved most about this book - and wish more writers take this approach (including myself!) - is that the author identifies different psychological causes for the "punctually challenged" and offers different solutions.

How many times have you read a book or blog post that says: "If you procrastinate, then you should do this..."

In this book, she follows the formula: "If you're not punctual, then it could be for these reasons, and you this is what you can try out for each reason..."

Many of the problems we face in life are, in fact, symptoms of psychological issues. And while we may experience the same symptoms, they could be for entirely different reasons, and I applaud the author for taking this approach when dealing with the problem of tardiness.

She explores a lot of psychological issues in this book and deals with the topic in a very simple and thoughtful manner.

I think she could've ended the book with a simpler and more practical set of action steps.

[Kimberly Fields · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I was impressed that it was based on solid psychology, not just some author's opinions about how to not be late. It was interesting to read about the different underlying reasons for chronic lateness (and see some of myself in each of them). It was also really interesting to learn about factors that cause lateness- that it can actually be at least partially a result of biological tendencies, different ways people's brains work, etc. The authors surveyed several hundred people about lateness tendencies and discovered that people who are chronically late are actually wired differently. They tend to have higher levels of anxiety, depression, and distractability, and lower levels of self-esteem and self-discipline. In addition, late people actually perceive time differently from those who are generally on-time. In spite of these biological/personality differences, I liked that the author didn't just give permission to accept tendencies toward lateness because "it's the way I'm wired." Instead, throughout the book, the author showed how those tendencies could result in lateness, and gave specific examples of how to overcome those tendencies. I really liked the simple exercises included in each chapter, to help readers to learn how to overcome lateness, based on the underlying reason for lateness. The exercises were genuinely helpful, but simple enough to not be overwhelming.

I highly recommend this book to everyone. If you are chronically late, it will give you a lot to think about and work on, and if you are always on time, it will help you understand the late people in your life (there's a whole chapter at the end of the book dedicated to those who regularly deal with late people, which gives some really good tips and ideas for dealing with continually late people. I liked this book enough that I plan to add it to my personal library, so that I can use it as a reference to remind me of the areas where I need work to overcome my tendencies toward lateness.

[Moonkiszt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes. I'm one of those. L84SHR.

I've been on the repenting side of the argument since the day my folks scooped me up and carried me places. Chided, shamed, nagged, yelled at, spanked, grounded, friends lost, prime locations lost, races, tests, vaccines missed, and a whole bunch of time saved. My Dad was a there-15-minutes-before sorta guy, and oh we just sat there waiting and waiting for stuff to start. As I grew up, I figured I could do just a couple more things before I flew out the door. And have. But there have been casualties.

I've been reading this book every morning for a couple of years, just cycling through it. And she's convinced me. What's discussed in this book is very important to a bunch of people. I get it.

I'm putting the book away for now.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Remember, you don't simply wake up one day magically cured of procrastination and lateness. You first need to address the underlying reasons."

This is the kind of book you'll want to immediately re-read as soon as you finish. Delonzor really did her homework to write this book. With humorous yet sobering real life examples, her "7 cures for the punctually challenged" is not a one size fits all solution. She allows the reader to identify their personal root causes for lateness and offers plenty of targeted exercises for addressing the heart of the matter. And best of all, those around me have already seen a change in my behavior as a result of what I've learned.

[Sophia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very easy to understand and full of relatable anecdotes. The author provides tons of strategies and exercises to help hold yourself accountable. Highly recommend to anyone chronically late!!

[Sarede Switzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book that really breaks down some of the major factors that contribute to chronic lateness. As a "former card-carrying member of the punctually challenged" myself (the author's terminology), this book was mostly helpful for realizing that there are others out there like me, and in having a deeper understanding of the psychological underpinnings of my former chronically tardy ways. At the end of the day, I don't think this book alone is enough to nix this bad habit, however it has proven to be a great companion to serious motivation and commitment to change.

[Grace Pacie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the only serious book I have found on the subject of punctuality, though it was published way back in 2003. There are thousands of books about procrastination, but that is a different subject. Procrastination is about starting - lateness is about finishing.
This book is a good exploration of the question of why we are late, but slides into the trap of so many self help books, by over-using the words "You must..."
Diana makes it clear that she is writing about lateness from a personal perspective. Did she solve her own problem? The claim of the book's title is unrealisable. Sadly we can't ask the author for her opinion, because she is now sadly 'late' in the other meaning of the word - she passed away in 2014.
This is why I have now written "Late! A Timebender's guide to why we are late and how to change", as there is a lot more to be said on this subject.

[Magda]

suggested by an Ask a Manager commenter
http://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/as...

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Since I was a child, I've struggled with timeliness. Came across this book while searching the library website and thought I'd take a look. So far, the book is doing a great job explaining why punctuality is so important in our culture - if only to relieve oneself of the guilt associated with being late. It categorizes reasons why people struggle with being on time. For me, one reason I identified with is a difficulty being motivated. Lots of humor, plus suggestions on how to be more punctual. I do feel motivated to change my ways.

[Reba Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a lot of great information and insight packed into a fairly fast read. The author is a psychologist who's done behavioral studies on tardiness, so it's not just another, "You can do it, so do it!" self-help books. It delves into different types of procrastinators, different reasons for chronic lateness, and many exercises and actions plans for each type of tardee. I highly recommend it. I'm only knocking off one star for grammatical and typographical errors in the e-book version; for an e-book that costs $9.99 I think a professional copyedit should've been mandatory...

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm really glad I read this book - and even though I don't fall into the perpetually late category, there was a lot to learn. It's the kind of book I'd like to recommend to others without offending them. "Hey - you might like this book - it's about being late :)" Seriously - I think most people would find it interesting (because even if you're never late, you know people who are - and you understand them a bit better too)

[Chrissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

From what I read online, there aren't a lot of books out there for the "punctually challenged" but I thought this was a great book. First defining what kind of a late person you are, then giving lots of helpful tips on getting better with time. Since this is a long time problem for me, I ended up buying the book and making lots of notes in it, figuring I may need to reference it again and again! I would recommend this book to anyone who's perpetually late and wants to change!

[Tishy Wishy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Update:
Re-read this book because it was so insightful. I'm definitely not the same person, having used the tools and methods written to become an early-bird, battle anxiety and stay committed to following through with projects/issues. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking to learn more about why they always run late and ways in which to combat it.

Originial Review:
Changed my approach to being late and procrastination because of this book.

[Audra · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easy-to-read "self-help" book. I’ve gotten about 50% better with my lateness since I’ve read this book. There are a lot of exercises in the book, that I can do if I go off-track. Not only does it help with lateness, but also with other areas in life, such as organization, etc. I may hang onto it forever, just to keep it as a reminder!

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't say enough positive things about this book. First of all, it's one of the only books I've ever found on the topic, and for those of us who suffer from chronic lateness, it's very much needed. Secondly, it addresses the problem in a practical fashion, but also at depth. If you struggle with being on time, you MUST read this book.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding! This book was so spot on. I felt a little depressed realizing that every reason she explained for being late applies to me, but it is truly a wake up call to understand the drivers behind my behavior. This book has inspired me to change and has given me some hope that it can be done, with the tools she’s provided. Highly recommend for anyone wanting to understand chronic lateness.

[Zoe Soon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is short and to a certain extent, I agree with some reviewers that there are other self-help books that have similar concepts.. but what I particularly liked (and disliked) this book is that it tailors the content to punctually challenged people like myself.

I think I can count the number of times with both of my hands I was on time. Every time I told myself that was the last time and I would repeat it again for the next meeting. This tardiness has caused many of my relationships to turn sour because who the hell loves waiting.

This book spoke to me. It's as if I finally found "someone" who can understand. Every time I showed up late to a certain event, I feel bad and this seems like a cycle. Others think I am disrespecting them or their time but my thoughts are just so preoccupied that disrespecting them is the last thing on my mind.

I am determined to improve and be on time - trying to adhere to the Lombardi's time since a month ago, because I had enough of feeling bad about myself.. and apologising every time.. only to find that I feel bad about myself again.

Diana Delonzor highlights different types of latecomers and the reasons behind it, providing some form of basic analysis. She makes it easy to understand with her laymen's terms, understanding she headed university study investigating chronic lateness, its causes and the psychological characteristics of late people vs. timely people (credit Google Search). At the final chapter, she also addressed to people who face tardy people - loved ones, colleagues, and children.

All of the seven types of late people are given names that are straight to the point:
1. The Rationaliser - people who are their own PR and deny of their wrongdoings or bad image, putting themselves in the good light.
2. The Producer - Packed a full-day activity without full grasp of how much time is left
3. The Deadliner - Seeking out excitement and adrenaline - enjoys rush of the last minute. Quick relieve of boredom
4. The Indulger - Lack of discipline (Self-control) - taking the easy way out (easier to be comfortable on the bed than to prepare)
5. The Absent-minded Professor - Easily distracted
6. The Rebel - A) They can enjoy because they want to take charge B) authority resistor C) People who feel compelled to break the rule and to be different. "I am different. I march to my own drummer".
7. The Evader - A) Low self-esteem and high anxiety. e.g. feeling the anxiety to be at the party later, a person is insecure about her looks, personality, and ability to keep up with conversations. So this person arrange the perfect situation for herself - works out, shop for perfect dress and fixes her hair to reduce her anxiety. But the need to perform them takes priority over getting out of the house on time. B) Low self-esteem sometimes have low expectations of themselves. They may put themselves in embarrassing or undignified situations where they're forced to apologise or make excuses - situations that people with high self-esteem try to avoid.

She has provided steps to overcome them for each categories and summarises the actions in the Appendices which is very useful.

It's such a relief reading this book because she did mention quitting tardiness is difficult just like quitting alcohol and cigarettes, and dieting. Everyone else just said," be on time" but it can be a difficult habit to kick no matter how much the tardy person wants it. It's a pity that Diana, a time management expert, has passed on. Otherwise, many of her other books might be helpful to tardiness people like me.

[Davida · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read it all the way through. Thought provoking and encouraging. I think it will help me!

p. 5 "I discovered that the excitement of having to rush gave me a jolt that motivated and spurred me on. I found that my need for stimulation was caused by a tendency to feel easily bored and restless. Once I saw why I liked to hurry--why I preferred the sprint to the stroll--not only did I leave the ranks of the punctually challenged, but I also began to procrastinate less in general. I started to plan my time more effectively and to use more organization in my daily affairs. As I worked toward the goal of being more timely, I began to see the importance of being a reliable person. Developing that side of myself soon became a priority."

The book breaks down late people into different categories. I found myself in a few of them, including, The Producer:

p. 35 "Do I feel the need to squeeze as much activity as I can into each day? Do I view unproductive time as time 'wasted'? Am I pleased when the day goes by quickly? Do I often underestimate everyday tasks, such as getting dressed in the morning or driving to work, even though I've performed those routines many times before?" This isn't totally me, but the lack of awareness of how long things take is totally me.

p. 38 the brain hemisphere theory: right side controls creativity and intuition. The left side controls organization. People who are right-brained have a harder time gauging time.

There are also activities in the book for each type of late person to practice. Here are the two for Producers:

"1. Create a mantra to curb your optimism like, 'Am I doing too much?' or 'Do I need to do this right now?' 2. Learn to say no to others." Practice mantras ahead of time so you don't overcommit.

p. 47 Use music and timers to stay on track and not drift into magical thinking about how long things take.

Another type of late person is the Deadliner: p. 53 "For thrill-seekers, adrenaline can be a way of staving off boredom and anxiety. While most people dislike being bored, idle time is not just unoccupied time for the deadliner; it's a source of anxiety. Creating stimulating and adrenaline-producing situations is a way of distracting him from his feelings. Rather than accepting the sometimes slowness of life, the deadliner attempts to deal with boredom and the anxiety it causes by starting fires and rushing to put them out."

On working with the deadliner temperment: p. 56 "If you love the stimulation, the hustle and bustle, you'll only feel frustrated trying to become a calm, unhurried person...find more constructive ways to obtain stimulation."

Another type of late person is the Indulger or person with low self-control. The author cites Bill Clinton as an example of this type! The indulger wants to have it all. Part of this is about not wanting to grow up or accept limitations. p. 64: "...some people balk at having to live by real-life limitations and make grown-up choices. Instead, they gravitate toward an 'all things possible' mind-set, convincing themselves that they don't have to give anything up. Unfortunately, life doesn't always accommodate this type of thinking. For most of us, accepting discomfort is difficult. Yet that's really what self-discipline and successful habit-breaking are all about--the ability to make sacrifices and to accept limitations. It's the strength to choose what's best in the long run instead of what feels good right now, even if it means having to give something up." This is kind of an immature, selfish trait when you look at it, isn't it? On the one hand, this is a fun person to be and to be around, but it can lead to problems too!

p. 66 --some causes of this late type of person are caused by how they were raised. It can also be attributed to long engrained habits that are reinforced by neural pathways over time.

p. 100 The Rebel is another personality type. This person is late because they don't like to follow rules. The author suggests finding other ways of asserting your individuality. You can still feel special and different without being late!

p. 105 The "evader syndrome" is found in a person who procrastinates or ignores deadlines as a way to deal with anxiety or depression. Similar to the deadliner.

I especially liked that the author included a section for people who live with, love, and work with the punctually-challenged. She also has many very direct actions and strategies that late people can take to stay on track and reach their goals.

[Kira Nerys]

Definitely read this at least a decade ago. Very odd to return to it now, knowing a) I'm still having approximately the same issues and b) more of this stuck with me than I expected. Anyway, no one would write a book like this today, mostly because today you wouldn't talk about lateness without discussing anxiety and ADHD and executive function disorders and other neurodivergent reasons why some people are chronically late.

That was...kind of hard, honestly. There were times reading this book when lateness felt like such a personal failing. Framing it in the language of mental health removes some of the blame. On the other hand, Delonzor poses these 7 archetypes of late people in order to parse out the different emotions and reasons that may go into lateness. For some of those, selfishness does play a role, and maybe people need that pointed out. I do not believe that my issues come from that, and I don't believe feeling guilty will help me change. I've given up (what feels like) many beloved parts of my life because the shame, self-hatred, and negativity of lateness is too overwhelming.

I wish I felt the techniques and exercises the book so clearly boasts actually seemed like they worked. I am doubtful. I struggle to integrate them into my life, struggle to commit, struggle to identify what could help...saying that makes me feel down on myself, which isn't nice. I think it's no surprise that I've gone straight from reading Never Be Late Again to Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Perhaps Tiny Habits is more of the 2020s zeitgeist, perhaps it's more in line with my personal philosophies, perhaps I've just learned that mental health can require work and healing and medication to manage. Regardless, I will keep Delonzor's perspective in mind as I try to adjust my tiny habits and change.

[Dominique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful Book

Never Be Late Again is a good book for those who have issues being early to commitments. The book describes seven different types of late people in no particular order: the Absent-Minded Professor, the Indulger, the Evader, the Rebel, the Rationalizer, the Producer and the Deadliner.

The book describes psychological issues with punctuality, the seven types of late people and ways that the late person can apply the tips that were mentioned. In addition, the book has a section for people who are “early birds” and how they can resolve issues with those who are late.

Because there are so few books written about punctuality, I do recommend this book along with Gracie G. Pacie’s book LATE! A Timebender's guide to why we are late and how we can change That book discusses lateness but the author splits people into two groups: Timebenders and Timekeepers. Late! Has tips for psychologically tricking the mind of its readers into being on time whereas Never Be Late Again, for the most part, requires the reader to apply self-discipline and “just do it.”
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Dictionary Reference/Word Count Review: 13
Grammatical Error Count: N/A

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated much of what Delonzor explains in this book. As a person who is always running down to the last second (and sometimes a few minutes late) it was very helpful to know that being on time isn't necessarily from lack of trying, but because of various engrained ways of thinking and behaving (and sometimes personality traits). She lists seven types of late people and I fell under one category for certain (The Producer, basically someone whose always tries to pack in more), with a little crossover into a couple of others. She then offers specific solutions for each type of person. Furthermore, she sets reasonable expectations, explaining that backsliding is likely after an initial burst of success. She even has a chapter for those who are not tardy to explain where their late counterparts are coming from and how to assist them in being more timely. I'm still in the process of implementing some of her tips and solutions, but I appreciated this way of looking at tardiness and the approaches given for being on time.

[Analogue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having read many self help books and articles on procrastination I was hesitant to purchase yet another waste of money. THIS ONE BOOK addressed my actual problem (I am 'The Absent-Minded Professor' type noted in the book) and after applying her rules and advice, my life has CHANGED! Thank you Ms De Lonzor. I will tell you what she wrote that got me "going": author asks reader to note when a distraction occurs- and to force self to return to original project, putting away the distracting object(s). Very difficult and persistent debilitating personality disorder requires tough work, and somehow, either the timing was right or her way of addressing the problem is just right- but What a GREAT HELP this has been to me. So few projects of mine reach the "Finished" stage, that will change, if I keep pressing on with her advice and suggestions.

[Rawan Ahmed · Rating 4 out of 5]

كل اللى يعرفنى عارف ان مواعيدى مضروبه بالنار و مفيش أمل من اصلاحها.
مع أهلى، صحابى، شغلى و دايما بتحصلى مشاكل كتيره جدا بسبب التأخير المستمر. و فعليا فقدت الأمل و بطلت حتى أحاول لحد ما بالصدفه البحته شفت الكتاب شدنى headline و قولت لنفسى مش هخسر حاجه.

أول مراحل العلاج إن الإنسان يعترف إنه عنده مشكلة و محتاج يركز معاها عشان تتحل و بعدين الكاتبه بتستفيض فى الشرح لكل نوع من السبع انواع للتأخير ف لاقيت نفسى فى اتنين و ثلاثه منهم بنسب مختلفه و بعدين بتتكلم عن حلول ف حاولت اطبقها و بقيت بوصل شغلى فى المعاد بالظبط او متأخر دقيقه او اتنين كحد أقصى و ده بالنسبالى بعد تأخير ربع و تلت ساعة تقدم مذهل.

[Robyn Newstadt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book irritating and amateurish. I gleaned a few tips and some of the anecdotes were funny, hence the 2 star rating.
I did not relate to the personality types described and the exercises seemed silly.

The author padded the book by rehashing everything at the end in a chapter called "For the Early Bird".

[Leanna Gatlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

More than just punctuality

More than just about punctuality, this book helps you see whats behind your chronic lateness and provides non-judging tools for introspection and self-guided improvement. Great read!

[Niniane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful stories! It describes how some people have “magical thinking” that they could fit more activities in. Also, if you lack discipline to end your current activity in order to go to the next one, you can practice.

[Ruby Grossman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly practical and no judgments imposed

Extremely helpful and motivating - exercises are easy, well thought-out and helpful. I look forward to becoming a better me. Nice part at the end for those frustrated with the late-comers in their lives.

[Hilary Ryder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps the most helpful book I have read this year. Helpful analysis of why one is late and then tailored exercises to prevent lateness really worked for me!

[Jay Vaid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nice book