The Hands that Crafted the Bomb: The Making of a Lifelong Antifascist

by Josh Fernandez

Josh Fernandez is a community college professor who finds himself under investigation for “soliciting students for potentially dangerous activities” after starting an antifascist club on campus. As Fernandez spends the year defending his job, he reflects on a life lived in protest of the status quo, swept up in chaos and rage, from his childhood in Boston dealing with a mentally ill father and a new family to growing up in Davis, California, in the basement shows of the early '90s when Nazi boneheads proliferated the music scene, looking for heads to crack. His crew’s first attempts at an antifascist group fall short when a member dies in a knife fight. A born antiauthoritarian, filled with an untamable rage, Fernandez rails against the system and aggressively chooses the path of most resistance. This leads to long spates of living in his car, strung out on drugs, and robbing the whiteboys coming home from the clubs at night. Fernandez eventually realizes that his rage needs an outlet and finds relief for his existential dread in the form of running. And fighting Nazis. Fernandez cobbles together a life for himself as a writing professor, a facilitator of a self-defense collective, a boots-on-the-ground participant in Antifa work, and a proud father of two children he unapologetically raises to question authority. But his parents and academia seem to think Fernandez is failing miserably, putting his children and his students at risk, and they treat Fernandez like he’s a time bomb, ready to explode at any moment. They may have a point.

256 pages, Paperback

Published February 13, 2024

Reviews

[Jack · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I must have been yelling, because the neighbor shouted over the fence, 'I called the police.'

'Fuck you,' I said. 'I'll kill you next.'"

This is an abrasive book, and if you find yourself relating to a lot of it like I did, then there's probably something wrong with you and you'll probably really enjoy this book like I do.

[Kayla · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sigh. A little sad to give this such a low rating!

I met Mr. Fernandez at a community event and he was very kind and donated to our table, so I wanted to pay it back and read his book. Plus, how often do you get to read a book about someone you had a second-long interaction with, right?

While I still think he is kind, I am blown away by this book. I wanna break my review into the content/josh himself, and then the writing.

It is so shocking how someone can miss the point so often, even when writing the words themselves. I kept hoping for some revelation that he was wrong about things, anything, and it just never happened. It seems like he truly believes he is harmed by the system, when in reality he chose to throw away all of his benefits. While he of course goes through life differently as a Mexican man than he would a white man, i would have a completely different perception of him had i not met him in person first. He clearly has privilege in being seen and treated as a white man, as evidence by his many fond relationships with nazis and white supremacists over his lifetime. But in the same breath, will brag about his violence and anger towards them. He says he can’t see eye to eye with his stepdad because his stepdad grew up in a nice home with ample opportunities….the exact same thing Josh had. Only difference is that Josh threw it all away. I am partially sympathetic because it does seem that he was clearly struggling with ADHD or some related disability as a child. However, he is not only an adult now but a parent, and I do think its alarming he still cant see it.

There is a part in the book where he brags about his writing, saying that when it has always come easy to him. Frankly, I can’t tell. He hops back in forth through time sharing moments in his life, and i assume they are meant to say *something* amongst the present day investigation that we are reading about. But the message never lands. And the ones that do never make any sense. I spent a lot of my time reading look off into the distance trying to piece together what he could’ve possibly meant.

Overall i think he means well. However, I hope he amends things with his parents and realizes things for himself.

[Evangelyn · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book has no plot, misleading, and masturbatory. Reading this book was like hanging out with a person you can’t stand. It has nothing to do with anarchism or making bombs.

While reading this you get the feeling that this seems outlandish and he maybe embellishing or straight up lying. On page 191 he reveals that “maybe” he did make it all up. How can you call something a memoir if you’re just going to be like just kidding maybe I’m crazy and I made it all up???

He doesn’t get fired for this antifa group he organized in fact he gets an award for it. (Not mentioned in the book of course I saw it in a youtube video and his admin actually praises him for it) When the alleged whole point of the book is that he was fighting for this group when that just was not true at all.

He wants to make it seem like he has struggled because he thinks it gives him some sort of authenticity but really he’s just a rich turd from the suburbs.

He also touches someone’s genitals while they were sleeping on a greyhound bus and just glosses over to the next part?? What the hell was that about?

No plot, no character development, no resolution and the stories he recounts are very boring-even with his embellishments to them and they are still boring. Save your money don’t buy this book.

[Paul Doke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, painful and inspiring. Honestly one of the best memoirs I've read in a long time.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't read memoirs very often—especially if they're by someone I've never heard of—but almost every time I do, I'm satisfied. There's something about reading the words of someone explaining to how they got where they are. I don't really care how white supremacists and nazis got to where they are, but I love the stories of regular people. Josh Fernandez is a regular person, but he's also a raging antifascist (if you couldn't tell by the title), and this interests me the most, because I've spend far too many hours wondering how I got here.

Fernandez jumps back and forth between telling the story of his past and recounting the events of the very near past. Reading about his childhood and young adulthood was my favorite part, because that's really what I'm interested in. He was a wild human being since birth. He got into trouble because he didn't know where to direct his legitimate rage; he turned to drugs and alcohol because this world is fucked up, especially if you're cursed to constantly think about it; eventually he used his intellect and real world experience to carve out a good life. These are all things I can relate to, and it's nice to see it reflected in a seemingly awesome person.

A couple of things that I was able to relate to most (besides the obvious hating of nazis) were him rediscovering his culture (he's a Mexican dude born in the US), and doing it through the lens of antifascism (I had a similar journey with my Judaism); and his discovery that “for someone who's led a life of chaos and destruction, there's something to be said for routine. The predictability of repetition acts as a security blanket.” Truer words have never been spoken.

The only parts of the book that made me slightly angry and want to talk to the author were a couple scenes with the police. Although Fernandez has no problem cursing cops out to their face, protesting against them, and even wishing for their demise, when he's robbed he also has no problem calling the police and letting them know who robbed him. There's another scene towards the end of the book where Fernandez is in jail and being treated like shit by the guards. He says he can't blame them for working the jobs they work. I think it's pretty easy to blame someone who chooses to earn his paycheck by torturing slaves.

Fernandez is now a professor at a community college and he reminds me of a teacher and a librarian at the community college I went to; two people who played a big part in putting me on the path I still walk to this day.

[Erik Hanson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t get it twisted - although this book is listed under the Anarchism section and has a title of “The Hands that Crafted the Bomb” it is not what you would expect.

This is no manifesto bristling with anger and a desire to burn the establishment to the ground.

This is a memoir of the beauty of this world and how one man found it by going through a world of shit.

The stories Josh tells here are rough. Anecdotes of pain and loss and the struggle to survive in a harsh environment. The account of his battle with a system designed to promote the privileged is utterly captivating.

I blazed through this book in a matter of days. I could not stop until I reached the glorious end and cheered at the triumph of it all.

Inspired. Crackling with an energy that makes you want to join the fight. I cannot recommend this book enough.

We all craft our own bombs. Josh’s words have helped me cut the right wires on mine to stop the countdown with 1 second left on the clock.

[Haylee Medeiros · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is painfully human: gritty, revealing, and sentimental. It was imposible to put down the same way it's imposible to look away from a car wreck as you drive by. For anyone apprehensive of antifacism, this memoir does a remarkable job exploring the experience.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heartbreaking, hilarious tale of struggle and redemption.

[Terra Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Raw, refreshing, unapologetic in every way.

[Toby Mustill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This really isn’t the type of book I usually read. Memoirs aren’t my thing. But this one really delivered. I devoured the book in a way that I don’t usually.