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Conversation Transformation: Recognize and Overcome the 6 Most Destructive Communication Patterns
One of the New York Post's Top 10 Best Career Books of 2012
Repair communication breakdowns on the spot and drive positive results in every conversation
Failed conversations can take a heavy toll on our professional and personal lives, threatening to damage relationships, erode trust, and make it impossible to resolve conflicts, reach decisions, or achieve mutual understanding.
Conversation Transformation gives you practical guidelines for managing the six most common (and aggravating) conversation yes-buts, mind-reads, negative predictions, leading questions, complaining, and verbal attacks. Each skill-building chapter guides you through a three-step process for replacing unconstructive habits with more effective
Learn to recognize an ineffective communication pattern the instant it occurs.
Use specific new strategies to turn the conversation in a better direction.
Engage in repeated, structured practice to turn those actions into new habits.
Repair communication breakdowns on the spot and drive positive results in every conversation
Failed conversations can take a heavy toll on our professional and personal lives, threatening to damage relationships, erode trust, and make it impossible to resolve conflicts, reach decisions, or achieve mutual understanding.
Conversation Transformation gives you practical guidelines for managing the six most common (and aggravating) conversation yes-buts, mind-reads, negative predictions, leading questions, complaining, and verbal attacks. Each skill-building chapter guides you through a three-step process for replacing unconstructive habits with more effective
Learn to recognize an ineffective communication pattern the instant it occurs.
Use specific new strategies to turn the conversation in a better direction.
Engage in repeated, structured practice to turn those actions into new habits.
1 pages, Audio CD
First published January 1, 2012
65 people are currently reading
556 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
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January 6, 2020I've been thinking about the sense of hearing, and that's made me think much more about listening. How can I learn to listen better, to hear what people are really trying to say, and speak in a way that invites true communication?
November 10, 2015
It would be unfair to review “Conversation Transformation” purely as a book. “Conversation Transformation” is in fact merely one component of a very good blended learning process. For example, readers are encouraged to take an online pre and post-test of their communication skills. In addition to the comprehensive and well-designed learning exercises throughout the book, the reader is also encouraged to visit online for further exercises or to hear dialogue (for example, because this book is about conversations, it’s almost impossible to illustrate voice tone in the written word).
The basic concept behind “Conversation Transformation” is that communication breakdown comes about because of the words used or the way the messages are framed, not because of the nature of the people or the complexity of the issue. What a refreshing change the authors bring to the topic of communication! So many books on the subject unfortunately try to turn the reader into an amateur psychologist. By contrast, the authors of “Conversation Transformation” focus on the real reasons communications break down – the words people use or the way they are expressed.
The good news about this approach is that every one of us can learn how to improve our communication merely by changing what and how we say things. The simple three step learning approach the authors suggest is:
1. Awareness – Seeing the way out of your rut through realisation, attention and observation.
2. Action – Getting into your new groove by substituting a new behaviour for an old one.
3. Practice – Staying in the groove by using behaviours that are rewarding, intensive and incremental.
Although this book could be described as quite dense or intense, it is necessarily so. This may be challenging for the reader with a short attention span. However, if one gets a gist of the topic, it is easy to jump straight to the exercises to get into action. In fact, there are occasions in the book where the authors suggest such a tactic.
In terms of the content, the book covers six problematic communication behaviours, from yes-buts to verbal attacks. I particularly liked the section on yes-buts – it was the first of the six and made such good common sense that it should engage the reader in wanting to learn more, straight away.
If there was one criticism I had of the book (and it’s only a small one), there were no visuals. It’s appreciated that we are talking about conversation, so that may be difficult. One area where a visual would work well is in the funnel analogy for the four types of questions.
Whilst the book can be read and used as a stand-alone guide for improving one’s conversations and overall communication skills, it would probably be more effective to involve as many of the learning experiences offered. My recommendation is to buy the book and do as many of the online activities as suits your needs. “Conversation Transformation” will not only transform your conversations, it will transform your relationships.
The basic concept behind “Conversation Transformation” is that communication breakdown comes about because of the words used or the way the messages are framed, not because of the nature of the people or the complexity of the issue. What a refreshing change the authors bring to the topic of communication! So many books on the subject unfortunately try to turn the reader into an amateur psychologist. By contrast, the authors of “Conversation Transformation” focus on the real reasons communications break down – the words people use or the way they are expressed.
The good news about this approach is that every one of us can learn how to improve our communication merely by changing what and how we say things. The simple three step learning approach the authors suggest is:
1. Awareness – Seeing the way out of your rut through realisation, attention and observation.
2. Action – Getting into your new groove by substituting a new behaviour for an old one.
3. Practice – Staying in the groove by using behaviours that are rewarding, intensive and incremental.
Although this book could be described as quite dense or intense, it is necessarily so. This may be challenging for the reader with a short attention span. However, if one gets a gist of the topic, it is easy to jump straight to the exercises to get into action. In fact, there are occasions in the book where the authors suggest such a tactic.
In terms of the content, the book covers six problematic communication behaviours, from yes-buts to verbal attacks. I particularly liked the section on yes-buts – it was the first of the six and made such good common sense that it should engage the reader in wanting to learn more, straight away.
If there was one criticism I had of the book (and it’s only a small one), there were no visuals. It’s appreciated that we are talking about conversation, so that may be difficult. One area where a visual would work well is in the funnel analogy for the four types of questions.
Whilst the book can be read and used as a stand-alone guide for improving one’s conversations and overall communication skills, it would probably be more effective to involve as many of the learning experiences offered. My recommendation is to buy the book and do as many of the online activities as suits your needs. “Conversation Transformation” will not only transform your conversations, it will transform your relationships.
March 17, 2024
This is indeed one of those rare books -- and systems -- that is transformational. The six conversational traps the authors identify -- Yes, but; mind reading; negative predictions; leading questions; complaining; and, blame attacks -- are the stuff of endless misery in work and personal relationships. If we could all train ourselves to stop using these painful ways of communicating, and learn how to recognize them and defuse them when others use them, what a wonderful world it could be, what a wonderful world it could be.
The book is replete with examples, techniques, and exercises for turning these conversational traps into opportunities for better connections.
The book is replete with examples, techniques, and exercises for turning these conversational traps into opportunities for better connections.
November 14, 2019
Class assigned. Pretty good advice on certain communication issues and how to deal write them. I wasn’t overly amazed but I’m sure the work. Sometimes though, the other side just won’t communicate back and this stuff may not work.
March 12, 2021
A really good, comprehensive course of exercises to improve your communication skills. Didn't expect to like this book as much as I did.
May 14, 2018
It had some unexpected bits that made me reconsider my daily communication & had a good structure that I got used to after "Yes, but..." chapter that was easy to grasp in following chapters. I'm giving this 3 stars as I lack practice to see if the strategies described in the book actually work. I'll get back to this review once I try them out fully.
September 18, 2021
it aims at basically teaching you what every seminar/book about communication ever will - how to take out the combative and predictive elements out of a conversation (aka your biases), and negotiate towards a solution
February 11, 2019
Good ideas on transforming contentious arguments into productive conversations.
February 8, 2022
Life changing. Mind blowing. Everyone should read this.
February 4, 2013
I can say that this book is a reference that you must read more than once. Its the only book I read that offers many exercises; Which works best with partners and groups. I am sure that you will get out with at lest 5% benefit after first reading.
August 12, 2013
This is a book I dipped into frequently and will continue to refer to. We destroy so much potential enjoyment with clumsy conversation.
Want to read
September 17, 2013Совсем другой разговор
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews