Socijalna inteligencija

by Daniel Goleman, Jelena Stakić (Translator), Ksenija Vlatković (Translator)

Knjiga Socijalna inteligencija je uzbudljiva studija u kojoj autor opisuje samosvojnu sintezu najnovijih nalaza u biologiji i neuronauci,otkrivajuci da smo "oziceni za povezivanje" i da to ima nesluceno dubok uticaj na nase odnose u svim odnosima zivota.
Autor se dotice nekoliko oblasti medju kojima su i partnerski odnosi,odnosi izmedju deteta i roditelja,problemi dece dijagnostikovane sa ADHD-om,odnosi medju prjateljima,medju kolegama itd..

Goleman objasnjava koliko su,zacudo,tacni prvi utisci,objasnjava osnovne harizme i moci emocija,zamrsenost seksualnog privlacenja,i nacine otkrivanja lazi.Opisuje i mracnu stranu socijalne inteligencije,od narcizma do makijavelizma i psihopatije.Otkriva isto tako i nasu zadivljujucu sposobnost da vidimo umom, a i tragediju onih kod kojih je vid uma ostecen.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Science, Relationships, Sociology, Personal Development

401 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Author of Emotional Intelligence and psychologist Daniel Goleman has transformed the way the world educates children, relates to family and friends, and conducts business. The Wall Street Journal ranked him one of the 10 most influential business thinkers.

Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times best sellers list for a year-and-a-half. Named one of the 25 "Most Influential Business Management Books" by TIME, it has been translated into 40 languages. The Harvard Business Review called emotional intelligence (EI) “a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering idea.”

Goleman’s new book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, argues that attention — a fundamental mental ability for success — has come under siege. Leadership that gets results demands a triple focus: on our inner world so we can manage ourselves; on others, for our relationships; and on the outer forces that shape our organizations and society itself.

His more recent books include The Brain and Emotional Intelligence, and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence - Selected Writings.

Reviews

[Seth Jenson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here are some interesting quotes from the book:

“When someone dumps their toxic feelings on us, explodes in anger or threats, shows disgust or contempt, they activate in us circuity for those very same distressing emotions. Their act has potent neurological consequences. Emotions are contagious. We catch strong emotions much as we do a rhino virus, and so can come down with an emotional cold. Every social interaction has an emotional subtext. Along with whatever else we are doing, we can make each other feel a little better, or even a lot better. Or, a little worse, or a lot worse…”

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
-Marcus Aurelius

I also found the following facts very interesting:
-Those with an ongoing personal conflict are 2.5 times more likely to get a cold.
-Ongoing personal conflict puts people in the same category as vitamin c deficiency or lack of sleep.
-4.2 times more likely to get a cold if you are isolated and have few social connections.

[Don · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my ongoing exploration of emotional intelligence, I decided to give this book a try in an effort to build my own skills at recognizing and responding to social situations. I learned early into reading this that I had chosen the wrong book. Goleman goes into a fair amount of depth explaining the neurological basis for our emotional reactions to social stimuli, but doesn't extend the discussion to how we can build the ability to read social situations and modulate our own behaviors and responses to elicit a desired outcome. Admittedly, once I realized my error I skimmed the rest of the book, so I may have missed something.

[imane · Rating 5 out of 5]

الشعرة الرقيقة بين السذاجة والطيبة هي نفس الشعرة بين النفاق والذكاء الاجتماعي
السذاجة هي انك لا تعرف من هم البشر الطيبة هي تعرف من هم وتراهم وتفعل الخير لوجه الله
النفاق هي الفهلوة والتملق والكذب من اجل الحصول على مصلحة دنيوية الذكاء الاجتماعي هي معرفة وفهم الطبيعة البشرية وحسن التعامل والمداراة والمرونة في التعامل للحصول على مصلحة دنيوية واخروية
https://youtu.be/smCJPqM4aW8
https://youtu.be/F3d_ixJPQlY

البعض يقولون ان الذكاء الاجتماعي جاء من الماسونية ان تكون سياسي دبلوماسي مرن واكثر الاشخاص الاذكياء اجتماعيا هم رجال السياسة رجال الاعمال
والنرجيسيون دهاة شكلهم حلو ولسانهم حلو يعرفون متى واين وكيف وماذا يقولون في الوقت المناسب
طبعا ليس مطلوب منك ان تصبح مثلهم داهية لكن على الاقل يجب ان تفهم الطبيعة البشرية وتتصرف وفقها. هناك امور حتى لو بدت حقيقة فانها لا تقال وهناك امور حتى لو شعرت انه عليك فعلها لا يجب فعلها
الانطوائيون لديهم ذكاء منطقي وربما ذكاء رياضي لكن عندما يتعلق الامر بالتعامل مع البشر فهم يتصرفون كالمتوحدين قد يقولون امور لا ينبغي قولها او يتصرفون تصرفات ساذجة تجلب الضرر لانفسهم
في عالم البشر يجب ان تفهم لغة الكواليس تلك اللغة وراء الكلمات والاشارات ويجب ان تتحرك الحركة الصحيحة في الوقت المناسب

https://youtu.be/pn6ORxD0sLE

[Lulu]

My friend and I started reading this book at exactly the same time, one year ago. I made a comment to him over coffee 2 or 3 weeks ago about some trivia I had gleaned from Social Intelligence, and asked what he thought of that particular chapter. His reply was priceless (on many levels). He sighed and whispered "I am STILL reading it!". I leaned in an whispered, "SO AM I!". We agreed completely on these points: 1. This book is not good enough to devour, but not bad enough to give up on. 2. Either both of us, seemingly intellectual minds, are not quite as intellectual as we believe OR this book is simply a shell game. 3. We will never finish the book. Oddly enough, we are living proof of many of the points Daniel Goleman is attempting to make...the longer two people interact....they mirror one another. The irony of it all!

[Polly Trout · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goleman and I share a common passion for the places where spiritual practice and psychology overlap, and his work fascinates me. In both "Emotional Intelligence" and Social Intelligence" he shows how we can use our conscious minds to rewire our neurological response patterns, thus increasing the quality of our lives. In other books, Goleman explicitly talks about his belief that spiritual practices, like meditation or chanting, work because they rewire neural circuits along healthier pathways. This book does not deal with it directly, but if you understand that framework it provides a lot of food for thought along those lines.

For example, Goleman discusses "The Three Styles of Attachment," which are partly inherited and partly sculpted by social/parental influences in infancy and early childhood. He writes,

"Our childhood leaves its stamp on our adult ardor nowhere more clearly than in our "attachment system," the neural networks that operate whenever we relate to the people who matter the most to us. As we have seen, children who are well nurtured and feel their caretakers to empathize with them become secure in their attachments, neither overly clingy nor pushing away. But those whose parents neglect their feelings and who feel ignored become avoidant, as though they have given up hope of achieving a caring connection. And children whose parents are ambivalent, unpredictably flipping from rage to tenderness, become anxious and insecure."

So the three attachment styles are anxious, secure, and avoidant.

It is interesting to compare this theory side by side with the Buddhist theory (also found in some strains of Hindu philosophy, like the Yoga Sutras) that in order to become fully established in wisdom and compassion, we need to transcend both attachment and aversion. I think some people misinterpret this to mean that we need to cultivate emotional aloofness, an "avoidant attachment style" in the above paradigm. I think it is more useful to see the middle path as analogous to the "secure" attachment style -- centered, grounded, and avoiding the two extremes of clinginess (attachment) and aloofness (aversion). The secure attachment style allows us to enjoy both intimacy and solitude. The anxious person clings fearfully to intimacy and is not able to learn how to joyfully embrace solitude, while the avoidant person is unable to fully experience intimacy. The secure person joyfully embraces bothy intimacy and solitude because she knows how to stay centered in the radiant core of her true being.

I personally believe that we have both biological and spiritual dimensions, as does all of life. Goleman's work interests me because it gives me concrete ideas for how to more effectively tinker with my biological self, so that I can more fully live in my spiritual self.

[Emre Turkmen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Herkesin okurken kendi iç dünyasına yolculuk edeceği, kendi duygularıyla yüzleşeceği bir kitap✌️👌

[Ana Stanciu-Dumitrache · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mi-a plăcut mult, ca si Inteligenta emoțională.

[Blerina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone interested in understanding of why we feel what we feel, and what happens in our brains in different social circumstances and social interaction should read this book.
The examples Goleman brings here are those we witness everyday everywhere. Reading this book has helped me a lot to reconsider in a wiser way how my behaviours are affecting others around me and vice-versa. It has a lot of research data that some might also find it tedious.
As somewhere at the end of the book says, simply put, know how to 'act wisely'.

[Akimoto Hosokawa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super heavy on science so some parts were a bit of a sludge. But if you can get past the monotonous stating of facts, then there's a lot of depth in the topics being discussed; especially regarding human relationships. As you read this book, you realise how much of our biology (physical health) is influenced by the people we interact with, whether they are our colleagues, family or friends. If you're interested in psychology (specifically neuroscience, developmental and social psychology) and want to know more about learn relationships, then I'd recommend the. However, this book offers little advice or solutions.

[Deni · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5⭐ Науката зад т.нар. емоционална зараза беше интересна. Ако искаш да разбереш по какъв начин чисто физиологично ни влияе комуникацията един с друг, наличието или липсата на емпатия, Новата социална интелигентност ще ти е полезна.

В някои направления обаче е морално остаряла. Особено в посока ADHD.

Другото нещо, което ми направи впечатление е дипломатичното заобикаляне на темата за невромаркетинга, манипулацията на общественото мнение, пропагандата, влиянието на големите капиталистични корпорации, лобистите, политиците върху средата, която ражда масово емпатично осакатените хора. Говорим за изместване на ценности, но не казваме кой ги е изместил, защо ги е изместил и кой е отговорен, за да ги сложи обратно намясто. Говорим за това, че всички тези знание са известни от десетилетия, но не говорим за това защо чак сега са достъпни за широката общественост. И на кого, защо и с каква цел са били предоставени преди това.

Подсказка: били са ползвани първо с военни цели. Поздрави на цялата научна общност за това.

Не очаквах да заеме някаква позиция, но си е отявлен опит за пренасочване на вниманието и замазване на очите поставянето на цялата отговорност по този проблем само върху обикновения човек, при условие, че много добре знаем как си взаимодействат средата и начина на мислене.

Социалното инженерство е изключително опасно оръжие в ръцете на неправилните хора. Колкото и Голман да се опитва да ни убеди, че "е, те такова животно - нема."

Като към това прибавим и мизогинистичния тон по адрес на жените и омаловажаването на другите науки, освен тази на автора, и започваме да се сдобиваме с една малко нарцистична картинка, която, не знам за теб, но мен лично ме отблъсна. Плюс това книгата можеше и да се посъкрати but again this is just me.

Прочита на Александър Варонов беше прекрасен.

Когато ми се случи нещо подобно - страшно много съм харесала една книга на даден автор, но друга ме е изненадала неприятно - започвам да се съмнявам в собствената си преценка. Май ще се наложи отново да прочета Емоционалната интелигентност.

[Marian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sper sa am destula inteligenta sociala sa scriu review-ul acesta:)

Pentru mine cartea asta chiar si-a meritat banii si ulterior locul in biblioteca. De la grupuri de cimpanzei care se conformau in asa fel in cat prietenii lor din aceeasi rasa sa nu mai primeasca socuri electrice, la importanta oamenilor cu care ne inconjuram, am invatat destule chestii.
Cred ca pot povesti aici putin despre contaminarea emotionala, pe care unii din noi nu o constientizam sau poate o negam, avand circuite neuronale cu neuroni oglinda, putem simti ce simt si cei din jurul nostru doar privindu-i, de la filmele care reusesc sa ne emotioneze la partenerii cu care ne confruntam si preluam de la ei starile lor, pe de o parte acesti neuroni ne-au ajutat de-a lungul evolutiei acestei specii sa cream relatii cu cei din jur, putand sa simtim ce simt si ceilalti si asta cu mult mai repede decat formarea unei pareri despre acel sentiment.
Ca sa putem sa-i simtim pe ceilalti avem totusi de indeplinit niste conditii:
1.atentia sa fie reciproca
2.sa avem sentimente pozitive despre persoana cu care conversam
3.sa avem empatie
Mi s-a parut interesant ca o mare parte din a empatiza si ai simti pe altii este contactul vizual pe care eu adesea il evitam, si din acest fapt pierdeam o mare parte din informatia nonverbala pe care o transmitem.
In carte mai gasiti informatii si despre sistemele de atasament,

Pe scurt, copiii care au parte de multa empatie cresc de obicei cu un sentiment de siguranta;parintii anxiosi cresc copii anxiosi; iar parintii distanti cresc copii retrasi, care evita emotiile si oamenii.La maturitate, aceste patternuri se vor manifesta intr-o relatie ca stiluri diferite de atasament:siguranta, anxietate, evitare.

despre cum creierul nostru nu mai invata cand ne este frica, cand simtim anxietate, ceea ce mi s-a parut interesant avand in vedere modul in care se face scoala la noi in tara:))

[James Lamp · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is supposed to be the sequel to Emotional Intelligence. Goleman further argues that IQ is a poor way of gauging intelligence or how successful someone will be in life. This book is full of neuro-science, brain physiology and psychological studies involving children, medical and psychological patients, inmates and ordinary people. He explores such ideas as emotional contagion, social rewiring of abused and neglected youths, the Us vs. Them mindset, how humans form attachments to others, facial expressions and autism, romance and how our social well being affects our biology and physical well being. An overarching theme in this book is that our early social experiences with our parents and family and friends in childhood dramatically affect our temperaments and the ways in which we react to various social encounters, but that this is not destiny, that it can be changed. It was a pretty good read if psychology interests you.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was interesting, but not as incisive as his earlier Emotional Intelligence. It seemed a collection of chapters heading in a direction, but never really pulling it all together. I did learn a few things...the heavy-duty emotional work of the brain is generally done on the left side, and that the most important part of reaching attunement with another is through eye contact. It seems like we should know this, and we might say "of course," but sometimes it is the simple things that are the most important things to remember. He doesn't give us direction on how to develop more social intelligence, and spent perhaps a little more time than I liked on deviant behaviors. I have enough trouble trying to figure out everyday relationships without getting into the mind of the sociopath next door. But I'm sure the most troubling deviant behaviors propels much of the research, so we are likely to have that end of the bell curve as part of the discussion.

[Jeremy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a fast read by any means, but full of insight. A lot of it simply adds jargon and technical context to things you may already know deep down, but it's comforting to hear it from a scientific/researched point-of-view.

[Kristy Rousseau · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting subject matter and research. I just found it painfully boring and long. Not my cup of tea is all.

[Anthony Louis Garavito · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excelente libro; nos enseña como influye nuestro comportamiento en las personas y fomenta el cultivo de la compasión, empatía, tolerancia, etc.

[Farhan Khalid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Humans are built for connection, cooperation and relating to others

Social intelligence is about the ability to accurately read other people

It is the ability to navigate, gauge, communicate, and understand humans in social situations effectively

The ability to understand oneself and other people, is crucial for all of us. That’s not because it makes us more popular, but because it allows us to create deep emotional and supportive bonds with others. And these bonds can help us lead healthier and fulfilling lives

Low Road sets his camp in the amygdala and works at a higher speed based on raw feelings we infer from other people

It is responsible for the first impressions, which we form unconsciously noticing

High Road is the conscious, thinking part of the brain

Empathic accuracy allows you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s not only about understanding what they’re feeling but why they feel that way

Socially intelligent leaders are compassionate to employees during emotionally tough times

There will be situations when you have to look beyond your thoughts and emotions to another person’s emotions and motives to avoid failing at life

Childhood and culture are important factors impacting your social skills

You should not shelter your child from all unpleasant events to make him or her happy. It is better that he or she learn how to deal with undesirable emotions and return quicker to a happy state, mental resiliency

Our behavior creates and develops neural networks, we are not necessarily prisoners of our genes and our early childhood experiences

Parents who try to protect their sensitive toddlers from new experiences often end up making their kids more shy

Parents who support their timid children and even force them into new experiences, on the other hand, can contribute to making them less shy

Leading effectively is less about mastering situations—or even mastering social skill sets—than about talent for fostering positive feelings in the people whose cooperation and support you need

When we consciously or unconsciously detect someone else’s emotions through their actions, our mirror neurons reproduce those emotions. Collectively, these neurons create an instant sense of shared experience

Emotions and mood are contagious. Enthusiasm or anxiety spread like viruses

A bonded group is one that performs well

Being in a good mood helps people take in information effectively and respond nimbly and creatively. In other words, laughter is serious business

Our memories are in part reconstruction: every time we recall them, the brain rewrites them. And how our brain rewrites them is correlated to our current concerns, understanding, and feelings

Social inclination may be shaped by your brain’s wiring, but that doesn’t mean your behavioral patterns are set in stone

If you relax and then confront your fears and repeat it again and again, you will reach a point where you will overcome your fear – Exposure Therapy

The way we interact with other people can often be traced back to much deeper, cultural sources

Humans are likely to be more adventurous if they’ve been exposed to reasonable doses of fear at a young age

Women place positive relationships as the main source of their happiness while for men independence and a sense of personal growth are more important than relationships

Men care more about physical beauty and women about status and power in attraction

In a relationship, the party with less power will converge emotionally towards the party with more power

When the eyes of a woman that a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine – but not when she looks elsewhere

When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands

The feelings of the most expressive person in a meeting usually permeate to the others by the end

Deep listening is also about asking questions

Finding common interests create a social bond

Don’t be afraid to say or show you are sorry

There are three types of attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant

Stress isn’t just bad for your mental health. It also affects the genetic structure of cells responsible for maintaining your immune system

Indian hospitals don’t prepare food for their patients because they want to encourage patients’ friends and families to drop by at mealtimes and spend time with them

Social interaction and care have been shown to help cure illnesses

Another option is to place patients awaiting treatment among others who’ve already had the same procedure. When you’re surrounded by people who are happy about their experience, you’re also bound to be upbeat. Leaving patients alone with other sick and anxious patients, on the other hand, has the opposite effect. Negative feelings end up being reinforced. That means higher anxiety levels and longer recovery times

But there’s a problem. The ill are often subject to social stigmas that make it harder for them to regain their health

[Anton Grabreck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Goleman tackles the systematic dehumanization of friendship, parenting, employment, consumption, hospitals, education, and everyday encounters - an epidemic with biological and social consequences.

Way too good. The breadth and depth that each section dives into is exhausting. I'll need to go over this another 3-4 times just to absorb all of its concepts. But its definitely worth it.

[Hồ Vinh · Rating 2 out of 5]

At first glance, the book seemingly delivers a good chunk of promising pieces of advice on how to become more sociable or at least more understanding on this topic. Admittedly, it convinced me in the first half, in which I learned of how high road and low road complement each other; how one can sense harmony among a group of people by observing there verbal and non-verbal rhythm; how genes do not necessarily play a vital role in shaping a person characteristics and behaviors; and so on.

However (a big "however" here), the author strictly followed a monotonic formula in introducing a concept: 1) a case study 2) technical term to call it 3) its corresponding anatomical location on your brain 4) more case studies and interpretations 5) (sometimes) a lesson at the end of the chapter.

I have no doubt the author authoritative of the matter at hands, yet the lengthy writing deludes valuables information under it. I can say it is academically a literature review for Psychologist students, rather than a book welcomed by general audiences. I may be wrong, of course.

[Additional note]: one good thing I have learned is most of what happens in our minds are chemical reactions, so next time if you have a wave of uncontrollable anger toward someone, objectify your feeling with that fact might calm you down.

[Elizabeth Theiss Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goleman reviews a good deal of familiar territory from his work on emotional intelligence and happiness studies. What’s new here is that be links this work with recent studies in neuroscience to reveal the neural basis of social behavior.

[Neda · Rating 4 out of 5]

خلاصه: ارزش بسیار حیاتی روابط انسانی اهمیت آموزش و یادگیری و تغییر در فرد و اطرافش را دو چندان می کند.
مطالب علمی قابل توجهی در این کتاب است.

[Tom Schulte · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like books that explore understanding the brain as an organ (neurology) connecting to our understanding of the mind (psychology).

While I do not recall the phrase "micro expressions", I am fascinated by the idea that human evolution has longer relied on facial expressions than language. Now, we live in an age when the expressions still transmit, but the understanding is largely unconscious.

Edgar Allan Poe had an intuitive grasp of this principle. He wrote: "When I wish to find out how good or how wicked anyone is, or what are his thoughts at the moment, I fashion the expression of my face, as accurately as possible, in accordance with the expression of his, and then wait to see what thoughts or sentiments arise in my own mind or heart, as if to match or correspond with the expression."

Things like this rate the book an entry in the My philosophy list. Because, concepts like Primal empathy, Attunement, and Empathic accuracy directly correspond to foundations of my personal philosophy such as The Golden Rule and seeing the other's P.O.V., called here "Mindsight". With this, there is also the "Blindsight" where supposedly useless eyes still get interpreted signals to the amygdala. Like a "Phineas Gage", there is a study of an affected individual exemplifying this. In this book, the two mental processes are called the "high" and "low road". I have also heard them called System 1 and 2 in Thinking, Fast and Slow.

Social awareness refers to a spectrum that runs from instantaneously sensing another's inner state, to understanding her feelings and thoughts, to "getting" complicated social situations. It includes:

• Primal empathy: Feeling with others; sensing non- verbal emotional signals.
• Attunement: Listening with full receptivity; attuning to a person.
• Empathic accuracy: Understanding another person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Social cognition: Knowing how the social world works.

Social Facility

Simply sensing how another feels, or knowing what they think or intend, does not guarantee fruitful interactions. Social facility builds on social awareness to allow smooth, effective interactions. The spectrum of social facility includes:

• Synchrony: Interacting smoothly at the nonverbal level.
• Self-presentation: Presenting ourselves effectively. • Influence: Shaping the outcome of social interactions.
• Concern: Caring about others' needs and acting accordingly.

...

This ability to apprehend what seems to be going through someone else's mind is one of our most invaluable human skills. Neuroscientists call it "mindsight."

Mindsight amounts to peering into the mind of a person to sense their feelings and deduce their thoughts-the fundamental ability of empathic accuracy. While we can't actually read another person's mind, we do pick up enough clues from their face, voice, and eyes-reading between the lines of what they say and do-to make remarkably accurate inferences.

I was fascinated by the review of the work of John C. Crabbe. This gets into the environmental effects. This is interesting in the nature vs. nurture argument and to me the fascinating topic of epigenetics.

Crabbe was now a behavior geneticist at the Oregon Health and Science University and the Portland VA Medical Center—and of all things, renowned for his studies of alcoholic rodents. He has for years done research on mice from a strain called C57BL/6J, who are unique in their voracious appetite for alcohol. Studying them holds the promise of clues to the causes and, one hopes, cures for alcoholism in humans.

This strain of alcohol-loving mice is one of a hundred or so that are useful for medical research, such as a susceptibility to diabetes or heart disease. Each mouse in a given inbred strain is, in effect, a clone of every other such mouse; they share their genes like identical twins. One virtue of these strains for scientific researchers is their stability; a mouse of a given strain tested in various labs around the world should react like every other such mouse. But this very assumption of stability was questioned by Crabbe, in a now famous, simple experiment.

“We asked just how stable is ‘stable,’” Crabbe told me when I called. “We did the identical tests in three different laboratories, trying to make every aspect of their environment identical, from the brand of mouse feed they ate—Purina—and their age, to their shipping history. We had them tested at the same hour on the same day with identical apparatus.”

So at the identical point—April 20, 1998, between 8:30 and 9:00 A.M. local time—all the mice from eight different inbred strains, including C57BL/6J, were tested. One test simply offered them a choice of drinking regular water or an alcohol solution. True to form, the liquor-lovers chose the rodent martini far more often than did other mouse strains.

Next was a standard test for mouse anxiety. A mouse is placed at the crossroads of two runways, elevated three feet off the ground. Two arms of the crossroads have walls while the other two are open, which can be scary. Anxious mice cower next to the walls, while more adventurous ones explore the open runways.

To the great surprise of those who believe that genes alone determine behavior, however, within a given strain some decided differences on the anxiety test were found from lab to lab. For example, one strain, BALB/cByJ, was very anxious in Portland but quite adventurous in Albany.

As Crabbe noted, “If genes were all, you’d expect to find no differences whatever.” What could have caused the differences? Certain variables were beyond control from lab to lab, like the humidity and the water the mice drank—and perhaps most important, the people who handled them. One research assistant, for example, was allergic to mice and wore a respirator while holding them.

“Some people are confident and skilled at handling mice, while others are anxious or too rough,” Crabbe told me. “My bet is that mice can ‘read’ the emotional state of the person handling them, and that state in turn has an impact on the mouse’s behavior.” His study, featured in the prestigious journal Science, aroused a storm of debate among neuroscientists. They had to grapple with the disturbing news that minor differences from one laboratory to another, such as how the mice were handled, created disparities in how the mice behaved—which implied a difference in how the identical genes acted.

Crabbe’s experiment, together with similar findings from other labs, suggests that genes are more dynamic than most people—and science for more than a century—have assumed. It’s not just which genes we are born with, but their expression, that matters.

To understand how our genes operate, we must appreciate the difference between possessing a
given gene and the degree to which that gene expresses its signature proteins. In gene expression, essentially, a bit of DNA makes RNA, which in turn creates a protein that makes something happen in our biology. Of the thirty thousand or so genes in the human body, some are expressed only during embryonic development, then shut off forever. Others turn on and off constantly. Some express themselves only in the liver, others only in the brain.

Crabbe’s finding stands as a landmark in “epigenetics,” the study of ways the experiences we undergo change how our genes operate—without altering our DNA sequence an iota. Only when a gene directs the synthesis of RNA does it actually make a practical difference in the body. Epigenetics shows how our environment, translated into the immediate chemical surround of a given cell, programs our genes in ways that determine just how active they will be.

Research in epigenetics has identified many of the biological mechanisms that control gene expression. One of them, involving the methyl molecule, not only turns genes on or off but also tones down or speeds up their activity. Methyl activity likewise helps determine where in the brain the more than 100 billion neurons end up, and which other neurons their ten thousand connections will link to. The methyl molecule sculpts the body, including the brain.

Such insights put to rest the century-old debate on nature versus nurture: do our genes or our
experiences determine who we become? That debate turns out to be pointless, based on the fallacy that our genes and our environment are independent of each other; it’s like arguing over which contributes more to the area of a rectangle, the length or the width.

Back to the neurological/physiological underpinnings of human nature, the "OFC" is the orbitofrontal cortex, a region of the brain involved in decision making and other cognitive functions. This is a channel to take input to the amygdala leading to unruly, impulsive behavior.

The OFC also goes awry this way in those war veterans who, on seeing a battle scene on the evening news or hearing a truck back- fire, are flooded with traumatic memories from their own wartime nightmares. The culprit is an overactive amygdala, one that sends surges of panic in mistaken reaction to cues vaguely reminiscent of the original trauma. Ordinarily the OFC would evaluate such primal feelings of fear and clarify that it's just a television show or a truck we're hearing rather than enemy guns.

While it is kept in line by high-road systems, the amygdala cannot play the brain's bad boy. The OFC contains one of the array of neurons that can inhibit those amygdala-driven surges, that can just say no to limbic impulses. As low-road circuitry sends up primitive emotional impulses (I feel like yelling, or She's making me so nervous I want to get out of here), the OFC evaluates them in terms of a more sophisticated understanding of the moment (This is a library, or It's only our first date) and modulates them accordingly, acting as an emotional brake.

When those brakes falter, we act inappropriately. Consider the results from a study where college students who did not know each other came to a lab and were "virtually" put together in pairs in an online chat room to get acquainted. 28 About one in five of these Internet con- versations quickly became startlingly sexual, with explicit terms, graphic discussions of sex acts, and outright solicitation of sex.

But when the experimenter who conducted these sessions later read the transcripts, he was astounded. As far as he had seen while escorting the students in and out of the cubicles, they all had been low key, unassuming, and invariably polite-completely out of keeping with their uninhibited licentiousness online.

Presumably none would have dared plunge into such blatantly sexual talk had they instead been having a live, face-to-face conversation with someone they had met only minutes before. That is just the point: during in-person interactions we loop, getting an ongoing flow of feedback, mainly from the person's facial expressions and tone of voice, which instantly tell us when we are on track and off.

Something like the out-of-place sex talk in the lab has been documented ever since the earliest years of the Internet: "flaming," in which adults make childishly offensive comments online.

....

Anger and fear, both amygdala-driven, amplify the destructiveness of a budding bias. When flooded by these strong emotions, the prefrontal area becomes incapacitated, as the low road hijacks the high. This sabotages the ability to think clearly, thereby foiling a corrective answer to that essential question, does he really have all the bad traits I ascribe to Them? And if a damning view of Them has already been accepted, even in the absence of anger or fear that question is no longer asked.

More biology affecting how we act, such as the methyl molecule during development phases leading to lifelong effects, stress leading to disease and cortisol's impact on learning -

We know that low levels of vitamin C, smoking, and sleeping poorly all increase the likelihood of infection. The question is, can a stressful relationship be added to that list? Cohen's answer: definitely.

Cohen assigns precise numerical values to the factors that make one person come down with a cold while another stays healthy. Those with an ongoing personal conflict were 2.5 times as likely as the others to get a cold, putting rocky relationships in the same causal range as vitamin C deficiency and poor sleep. (Smoking, the most damaging unhealthy habit, made people three times more likely to succumb.) Conflicts that lasted a month or longer boosted susceptibility, but an occasional argument presented no health hazard.

While perpetual arguments are bad for our health, isolating our- selves is worse. Compared to those with a rich web of social connections, those with the fewest close relationships were 4.2 times more likely to come down with the cold, making loneliness riskier than smoking.

The more we socialize, the less susceptible to colds we become. This idea seems counterintuitive: don’t we increase the likelihood of being exposed to a cold virus the more people we interact with? Sure. But vibrant social connections boost our good moods and limit our negative ones, suppressing cortisol and enhancing immune function under stress.

...

In a simulation of the impact of cortisol on learning, college students volunteered to get injections that raised their cortisol levels, then to memorize a series of words and images. The result reflected the inverted U: in mild to moderate ranges, the cortisol helped the students remember what they had studied when tested on it two days later. But at extreme levels, the cortisol impaired their recall, apparently because it inhibited the crucial role of the hippocampus." This has profound implications for the kind of classroom atmosphere that fosters learning. The social environment, remember, affects the rate and fate of newly created brain cells. New cells take a month to mature and four more to fully link to other neurons; during this window the environment determines in part the final shape and function of the cell. The new cells that facilitate memory during the course of a semester will encode in their links what has been learned during that time-and the more conducive the atmosphere for learning, the better that encoding will be.

Distress kills learning. One classic finding dates back almost half a century to 1960, when Richard Alpert, then at Stanford, showed experimentally what every student already knew: high anxiety cripples test-taking ability." A more recent study of college students taking math exams found that when they were told the test was a practice, they scored 10 percent better than when they thought they were part of a team that depended on their score to win a cash prize-under social stress their working memory was hampered. Intriguingly, the deficit in this most basic cognitive ability was greatest for the smartest students.

A group of sixteen-year-olds scored in the top 5 percent on a national test of potential in math. Some were doing extremely well in their math class, but others did poorly despite their aptitude for the subject. The crucial difference was that the high-achieving students experienced focused pleasure about 40 percent of the time they were immersed in their studies-more often than they felt anxious (about 30 percent). By contrast, while studying math the low achievers experienced such optimal states only 16 percent of the time and great anxiety 55 percent.

Finally, I feel we live in a time of rampant otherism, where manipulated divisiveness threatens peace and stability.

...As Walter Kaufmann, the English translator of Martin Buber, put it, with the words "Us-Them," "the world vided in two: the children of light and the children of darkness, the sheep and the goats, the elect and the damned."

The relationship between one of Us and one of Them by definition lacks empathy, let alone attunement. Should one of Them presume to speak to one of Us, the voice would not be heard as fully or openly as would that of one of Us-if at all.

The gulf that divides Us from Them builds with the silencing of empathy. And across that gulf we are free to project onto Them whatever we like. As Kaufmann adds, "Righteousness, intelligence, integrity, humanity and victory are the prerogatives of Us, while wickedness, stupidity, hypocrisy, and ultimate defeat belong to Them."

When we relate to someone as one of Them, we close off our al- truistic impulses. Take, for example, a series of experiments in which volunteers were asked if they would be willing to get an electrical shock in place of someone else. The catch: they could not see the potential victim but simply heard a description of him or her. The more unlike themselves the other person was described as being-the more one of Them-the more unwilling they were to come to their rescue.

"Hatred," said Elie Wiesel, the Nobel Peace Prize winner and Holocaust survivor, "is a cancer that is passed from one person to another, one people to another." Human history chronicles an endless stream of horrors perpetrated by one group that turns viciously against another-even when that other group has far more similarities to than differences from themselves. Northern Irish Protestants and Catholics, like Serbs and Croatians, have battled over the years, though genetically they are each other's closest bio- logical brothers and sisters.

I like most the content here that is scientific synopses and connections made between studies and discoveries. There is also a lot of illustrative, anecdotal human interest stories, some of which I just scanned as they did not interest me as much.

From Scientists Tracked 1,000 Kids for 40 Years. This Was the No. 1 Predictor of Financial Success"

The best predictor of kids’ success? Emotional intelligence
...kids’ academic performance, worth ethic, and behavior toward others. ...none of them is the best predictor of whether a particular child will grow up to lead a satisfying, financially stable life.

[Nitin Vaidya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally Its Done!!! How fascinating this book was !!!An extremely complicated read with so much biology in it, took a lot of time to finish but it was very good. A must read book for all the people who want to understand relationships more deeply.

[Van Hoang · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned so many things from this important book, especially that we are susceptible to the moods of those around us, and in turn, are responsible for how we affect those we interact with. Spread love, be nice, practice empathy, make compassion the purpose of your life.

[Katrina Sark · Rating 3 out of 5]

"When the eyes of a woman whom a man finds attractive look directly at him, his brain secretes the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine, but not when she looks elsewhere."

In effect, being chronically hurt and angered, or being emotionally nourished by someone we spend time with daily over the course of years can re-fashion our brain. These new discoveries reveal that our relationships have subtle yet powerful life-long impact on us. Thus how we connect with others has unimagined significance.
When someone dumps their toxic feelings on us, explodes in anger or threats, shows disgust or contempt, they activate in us circuitry for those very same distressing emotions. Their act has potent neurological consequence. Emotions are contagious. We catch strong emotions much as we do a cold.

Every interaction has an emotional subtext.

Amygdala triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response to danger.
The brain responds to an illusion created by the film with the same circuitry as it does to life itself, even on-screen emotions are contagious.
The movies we watch commandeer our brain.

Rapport exists only between people. We recognize it whenever a connection feels pleasant, engaged and smooth. But rapport matters far beyond those fleeting pleasant moments. When people are in rapport, they can be more creative together, more efficient in making decisions.
Shared attention is the first essential ingredient. As two people attend to what the other says and does, they generate a sense of mutual interest, a joint focus that amounts to perceptual glue. Such joined attention spurs shared feelings. One indicator of rapport is mutual empathy. Both partners experience being experienced.

At one point he seemingly re-injured himself. If the other person happened to be looking the supposed victim in the eye during the injury, that person winced, mimicking his pained expression. But people who were not looking at the victim, were far less likely to wince, even though they were aware of his pain. When our attention is split, we tune out a bit, missing crucial details, especially emotional ones. Seeing eye to eye opens a pathway for empathy.

Attention in itself is not enough for rapport. The next ingredient is good feeling evoked largely through tone of voice and facial expression. In building a sense of positivity, the non-verbal messages we send can matter more than what we are saying.

The eyes offer glimpses into a person’s most private feelings. More specifically, the eyes contain nerve projections that lead directly to a key brain structure for empathy and matching emotions.
When two people’s eyes meet, they have inter-linked their orbital frontal areas, which are especially sensitive to face-to-face cues like eye contact. These social pathways play a crucial role in recognizing another’s emotional state.

Buber coined the term I-It for the range of relations that runs from merely detached to utterly exploitative. In that spectrum, others become objects. We treat someone more as a thing than as a person. Psychologists use the term “agentic” for this cold approach to others, viewing people solely as instruments to be used toward our own goals.

That ego-centric mode contrasts with communion, a state of high mutual empathy where your feelings do more than matter to me, they change me. While we are in communion, we stay in-sync, mashed in a mutual feedback loop. But during moments of agency, we disconnect. When other tasks or preoccupations split our attention, the dwindling reserve left for the person we’re talking with leaves us operating on automatic, paying just enough attention to keep the conversation on track. Multiple preoccupations take a toll on any conversation that goes beyond the routine, particularly when it enters emotionally troubling zones.

A person’s capacity for attuning – wanting to enter and understand another person’s inner reality. Psychoanalysts use the term “inter-subjectivity” to refer to this meshing of two people’s inner worlds. The phrase I-You is a more lyrical way of describing the same sort of empathic connection. As Buber described it in his 1937 book on the philosophy of relationships, “I-You is a special bond. An attuned closeness that’s often found between husbands and wives, family members and good friends. The everyday modes of I-You reach from simple respect and politeness to affection and admiration, to any of the countless ways we show our love. The emotional indifference and remoteness of an I-It relationship stands in direct contrast to the attuned I-You. When we’re in the I-It mode, we treat other people as a means to some other end. By contrast, in the I-You mode, our relationship with them becomes an end in itself.

Our brain registers social rejections in the very area that activates when we’re hurt physically.
Distress and separation and joy and bonding both bespeak the primal power of connection. When our need for closeness goes unmet, emotional disorders can result. Social rejection or fearing it is one of the most common causes of anxiety. Feelings on inclusion depend not so much on having frequent social contacts or numerous relationships, as on how accepted we feel, even in just a few key relationships.

At the extreme people with no capacity for empathy become psychopaths. But the far more common sub-clinical variety live among us, populating offices, schools, bars, and the routine byways of daily life.
Our ability to repair a disconnection, to weather an inter-personal emotional storm, and then re-connect again is one key to life-long happiness. The secret lies not in avoiding life’s inevitable frustrations and upsets but in learning to recover from them.

In a parent-child relationship where attunement of any kind occurs rarely and the parents are emotionally uninvolved with the child. Such children encounter only frustration in trying to get empathic attention from their parents. The absence of looping and hence shared moments of pleasure or joy increases the odds that a child will grow up with diminished capacity for positive emotions, and in later life will find it difficult to reach out to other people. Children of such avoidant parents grow up skittish. As adults, their expression of emotions is inhibited, particularly those emotions that would help them bond with a partner. In keeping with the model that parents displayed, they avoid not just expressing their feelings but also emotionally-intimate relationships.

The human mind depends on categories to give order and meaning to the world around us. By assuming that the next entity we encounter in a given category has the same main features as the last, we navigate our way through an ever-changing environment. But once a negative bias begins our lenses become clouded. We tend to cease on whatever seems to confirm the bias and ignore what does not. Prejudice in this sense is a hypothesis desperately trying to prove itself to us. And so when we encounter someone to whom the prejudice might apply, the bias skews our perception, making it impossible to test whether the stereotype actually fits.
When It becomes You, they turn into us.

Emotional contagion means that a goodly number of our moods come to us via the interactions we have with other people. In a sense, resonant relationships are like emotional vitamins, sustaining us through tough times and nourishing us daily.

The marital researcher John Gotman has found that in a happy stable marriage a couple experiences about five up-beat interactions for every negative one. Perhaps that same five-to-one ratio is an approximate golden mean for any on-going connection in our lives. We could in theory do an inventory that evaluates the nutritional value of each of our relationships. If say the ratio were reversed with five negative for every positive interaction, the relationship would be in urgent need of mending. A negative ratio of course does not necessarily mean we should end relationships just because they are sometimes or even too often difficult. The point is to do what we can to alter the troubling behaviour for the better, not banish the person.
Now that neuroscience can put numbers to that raw buzz of fellow feeling, quantifying its benefits, we must pay attention to the biological impact of social life. The hidden links among our relationships, our brain function, and our very health and well-being are stunning in their implications. We must reconsider the pat assumption that we are immune to toxic social encounters.

Strong distressing states like disgust, contempt, and explosive anger are the emotional equivalent of second-hand smoke that quietly damages the lungs of others who breathe it in.

In this sense, social responsibility begins here and now. When we act in ways that help create optimal states in others, from those we encounter casually to those we love and care about most dearly.

Nourish your social connections.

[Diana Lorena SRP · Rating 4 out of 5]

13 años han pasado desde la publicación de este libro.
10 desde la impresión de la copia que tengo, y por lo tanto la misma cantidad de tiempo desde que está en la biblioteca familiar (de hecho, el libro no es mío, no estoy segura si es de mi hermano o mi papá)
"Inteligencia Emocional" fue el primer libro que me acercó a las neurociencias, sí recuerdo muy bien que lo leí en el bachillerato, y que mi papá me lo pasó después de leerlo en su clase de Liderazgo.
"Inteligencia Social"da continuidad al modelo presentado en el libro anterior, y habla de cómo las interacciones sociales pueden modelar nuestro cerebro.
Me confieso pésima para la Neuroanatomía, así que las descripciones constantes de partes relacionadas con las funciones sociales me marean un poco, pero la discusión en cuanto a la importancia de las relaciones sociales para nuestro funcionamiento sigue siendo tan vigente hoy como lo fue hace 13 años.
PD: Acabo de notar que demoré un año en leerlo xD y este es el último libro en mi pila TBR!

[Ken Saunders · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goleman is excellent at making this information and ideas accessible and interesting, from the brain function science to the mutlilevel (here as "high road-low road") response and the you/it interaction.
But this book is more informative than useful in any practical sense. It connects common sense, golden rule type lessons of empathy and connection to interesting research. But there is not much in the way of advice or exercises outlined for anyone seeking ways to improve their own "social intelligence". A good chunk of the book is concerned with criminal behavior and parenting advice which is interesting but I have no reason to expect will become personally relevant.

My main takeaway is the importance of approaching others with a genuine interest in appreciating them on an individual level, and taking time to connect with them regularly. When attacked don't get defensive but instead look for common ground to move forward and build trust. Honestly I am exhausted just writing it here! But I am taking the priority to heart as it comes from someone who has spent decades studying these interactions and their results.

[Mannclaudiu · Rating 5 out of 5]

În această carte vom găsi o expunere științifică a psihologiei din spatele unui creier social, mai degrabă decât un ghid despre cum să socializăm.

Una dintre ideile care merită menționate, este construirea unei societăți bazate pe empatie și compasiune față de cei din jur. Este meritul nostru să ne extindem empatia pentru a ne înțelege unii cu alții împotriva diferențelor dintre noi, evitând să acceptăm împărțirile pe care le cultivă ura.

Compasiunea vindecă într-un fel în care medicina încă nu o poate face.

Autorul oferă numeroase exemple din viața personală și tot felul de povestiri cu personaje interesante, tocmai pentru a explica anumite aspecte ale inteligenței sociale.

“Trebuie să ne iubim unii pe alții sau să murim” - W. H. Auden

[Adrian Mora · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the way Dr. Daniel Goleman described what is happening in our brains when being social/anti-social. Over the past few months, the topic of the Human Brain is the most interesting subject I have been trying to learn more about. I wish I had more control of my emotions and it frustrates me that I still can't override my limbic "reptilian" brain when things get heated. Something as simple as calling the wireless company to dispute a charge fires up my old brain and the adrenaline and cortisol starts pumping. My heart rate speeds up, the moisture from my mouth seems to transfer to my palms, eyes dilate and my mind "frazzles". Ugh! I'm trying to stay calm cool and collected like the master...SAM HARRIS.

If you're a novice to the human Brain and Behavior connection then this is a great place to start!

[Sema Dural · Rating 4 out of 5]

“İnsan beyni, diğer insanlarla bağlantı kurmak üzere kablolanmıştır.
Birinin ruh hâli, doğrudan sizin biyolojinizi değiştirir.
Empati, zihinden önce sinir sisteminde başlar.
Sağlıksız ilişkiler, sigara kadar zararlı olabilir.
Ne hissettiğini okuyamadığımız kişiyle gerçek iletişim kuramayız.
Duygusal hijyen, beden hijyeni kadar önemlidir.
Güven, sosyal zekânın en yüksek ifadesidir.
İlişki içindeki beyinler bir ritim tutar; uyum varsa bağ güçlenir.
Sosyal zekâ bir yetenek değil, bir uygulama disiplinidir.”