Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection

by Gregg Krech

Drawing on Eastern tradition, Naikan ("nye-kahn") is a structured method for intensely meditating on our lives, our interconnections, our missteps. Through Naikan we develop a natural and profound sense of gratitude for blessings bestowed on us by others, blessings that were always there but went unnoticed. This collection of introductory essays, parables, and inspirations explains what Naikan is and how it can be applied to life and celebrations throughout the year. Gregg Krech is Executive Director of the ToDo Institute, a Naikan education and retreat center near Middlebury, Vermont.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Philosophy, Self Help, Japan, Spirituality, Meditation

220 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2001

Reviews

[xenia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Be grateful to your boss for paying you? Fuck off. I'll be grateful to the hundreds of thousands of workers who came before me and protested for shorter workdays, weekends, lunch breaks, sick leave, maternity leave, safety regulations, reasonable dismissal, minimum wage, and a slew of other benefits I don't know about.

This positivity shit is precisely what gives Buddhism a bad rep in social justice circles. You can be mindful and grateful for all the little things that sustain you and your friends without sacrificing your intellectual capacity to recognise injustice in the world.

I tentatively liked the book's focus on self-examination, as a way of escaping the ego (and its tendency to blame others). I've lived long enough to understand that self-responsibility should not be conflated with neoliberal subjectivity—that being honest to those around you, as well as examining your own conduct, is vital to healthy relationships—but what irks me about Buddhism is that it completely lacks any historical analysis of how the ego comes into being in the first place. Sure, selfishness is a transhistorical phenomenon, but understanding the ways selfishness manifests, towards what goals, and through what methods, alerts us to how power operates, in the here and now, through particular social institutions and cultural formations.

I would argue that critique is just as important as self-examination, because through critique we develop an understanding for and empathy towards those trapped in karma (the unexamined behaviours we inherit and reproduce towards the ill outcome of ourselves and those around us). Through critique, we understand that just saying "be grateful" will annoy the shit out of someone who's addicted to doomscrolling, because what needs to be engaged with are their feelings of boredom, insecurity, and lack of agency, as engendered by social media platforms driven by profit incentives.

You're not going to smash apart the ego without smashing apart the structures that engender it.

[Roya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got 50% through it and gave up when the author starting lamenting that he had taken his mitochondria for granted. The fundamental concept of Naikan is a very good and constructive one, but the author's approach is a bit over the top for me. If you are inclined to be hyper-critical of yourself, the concepts get overwhelming and can be debilitating rather than helpful. However, the book did help raise my awareness and I am consciously and gradually trying to change my attitude. I would place this book in the category of spiritual reading. Take it slowly.....and then maybe you will get through it if you are in the right mind-set.

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most interesting translations I ever worked on during my career was about Naikon therapy. I had never heard of it before and was really fascinated to learn about an approach at self-help and therapy that did not focus on one's inner feelings or building esteem but rather was a type of self-reflection not focused on the self. Naikan means inner or self reflection. I learned that the therapy has been especially successful in clinical situations with severe depressions or troubled young people. It has also been successfully used in prisons in Japan and with alcoholics. In fact, on the latter it had something in common with the philosophy used in AA. An other-oriented philosophy that is also based on Buddhist Pure Land and 他力。

I was really impressed by what I learned and was recently reminded of the philosophy when reading a book by an American Buddhist that was just dripping in self-focus. So, I picked up this short volume to learn more. The author runs an institute in Vermont that tries to promote this kind of gratitude-based therapy--Naikan plus Morita School psychology.

Something I learned in the book is that the therapy is not just about human gratitude but extends to inanimate objects, gratitude toward the food we eat and the air we breath... it is an overall gratitude that is not just feeling gratitude but a practice that demands the concrete expression which seems to suggest that it is the somatic expression that is prioritized over feelings or private thoughts.

Also something to consider is that this is a practice of mindfulness and of paying attention.

In Japan, people are constantly made to engage in 反省文 and 反省会. I think I got rather good at it. But I have a vivid memory of working for hours to put on a show at my son's preschool in which we mothers performed as an act of gratitude toward the teachers. It was grueling. At the end, when I thought we could go for drinks and self congratulate ourselves, the moms actually made us go around in a circle to reflect on everything we did wrong and what we could have done to improve our own performance! It was unforgettable. I love Japan.

The author relates this to the Christian Catholic practice of Confession--healthy.

Going to read Medio Moore's new book Hidden Zen next. Also on somatic zen.
#2021 Re-Read

[shell · Rating 3 out of 5]

i came across this book in the course of my research and found it had many simple and profound ideas. i liked many of the exercises designed to cultivate gratitude. i was especially touched by the author's beautiful poem on p47-48. i can't say i agreed with all of their ideas though. i worry that the notion of focusing on the troubles and difficulties that you cause others could cause some people more pain than they're already experiencing. in my experience some people are already well aware of this aspect of themselves, to excess. anyways, worth a read.

[Jess]

Mostly entertaining in its goofiness and has some good ideas, but... one of the things I'm working on is not being overly self-critical of myself and this book is really not going to help with that goal. Maybe in a few years I'll try this again, but I think I'm at the wrong stage in my life for this right now.

[Jeremy Anderberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

“We notice the obstacles because we have to get around them to proceed. But what if we go through life only noticing obstacles, problems, and difficulties? Shouldn’t we expect our experience to be one of anger, hurt, disappointment, and anxiety? What about the support, care, and kindness we receive each day? Through such awareness, we discover the invisible gifts of life.”

While making goals for the year ahead is important, equally valuable is spending plenty of time looking in the mirror regarding the year gone by. Krech is a therapist in the tradition of Japanese morita—an action-based style of therapy. One of his older books is all about naikan, or, as the subtitle lets on, the Japanese art of self-reflection.

Krech challenges the reader to examine each of their relationships—with their partner, children, siblings, coworkers, friends, etc.—and ask three primary questions:

What have I received from ____?
What have I given to ____?
What troubles and difficulties have I caused ____?

The entire book expounds on these ideas, forcing you outside of your own head and experience (a theme shared by all the books here in this week’s newsletter). It’s sometimes a little cheesy, but going through it will make you a better person heading into 2021. Period.

Gets 4 stars not for the writing, but for what this book will give you.

[Vadim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Книга для тех, кому хотел бы стать благодарным и лучше видеть поводы для благодарности (попросту -- "удовольствия", вообще приятную сторону жизни). В основе предлагаемого метода ежедневные медитации, которые сосредоточены на трех вопросах:
-- что я получил от других;
-- что я отдал другим;
-- какие сложности и неприятности я принес другим.

[Rayna · Rating 5 out of 5]

While there were some rather ridiculous moments in this book (thanking your mitochondria and apologizing to vegetables), overall it was an amazing read... a way to shift the way you look at yourself and others and the world in general, and increase gratitude for all the support the world offers you daily. I will read it again, this time with an eye to doing all the exercises to really cement the practice.

[Ian Felton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A drastic shift in perspective desperately needed in our society.

Three questions make up the bulk of Naikan: What have I been given? What have I given? What troubles have I caused?

These questions are used to reflect on people in our lives, starting with our mother. During this reflection, we may discover how much of our lives have been dependent on others working and giving of themselves to make our lives possible.

It's easy for us to notice how others have slighted us by being late, lying to us, and countless other ways we identify about how others don't live up to our expectations. But what about us? What do we do that causes trouble for others, both loved ones and strangers?

Ultimately, by practicing Naikan we may discover that during our lives we have taken and been given far more than we can ever repay - no matter how much we give of ourselves. The point of Naikan isn't to turn us into martyrs, but to help us to become immensely grateful for all we are given, to turn bitterness and blaming into appreciation and gratitude and to look deeply into moments, and not just sit on our high-horses examining each imperfection of life.


Each breath we take is a gift. We are entitled to nothing. Let that sink in. We are not entitled to anything that comes our way. Our body is a gift, our mind is a gift, our work is a gift, our loved ones are gifts. Nothing is given to us that also won't be taken away, so it is up to us to reflect on that so that we don't take each small moment for granted.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very simple way of looking at life, giving thanks for what we have, and recognizing our inpact on the world. I had the pleaseure of spending a week with Gregg Krech and his wife Linda at the Todo institute in Vermont, and it remains to this day one of the best life experiences I have had...Thank you!

[Peter Wolfley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this one but came away disappointed. It dives down to such a minuscule level that it stopped being useful. However, I will say that the practice of habitual self reflection is critical for self improvement and this book offers a daily practice for doing just that.

[Shana · Rating 1 out of 5]

***Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review***

I thought this anniversary edition of Naikan would be a contemplative read to round out the year; however, there are several aspects of this book that I found either out-of-touch, dated, or even downright harmful. In theory, Naikan seems sound. Gratitude is very trendy, and there are many saying much of the same thing as Gregg Krech. I have no issue with going down the line to bring awareness to all of the people/things that had to exist in order for something as seemingly simple a morning cup of tea to be present in my mug. I have no qualms with working to see the good around me and in my relationships, and placing a greater value on them.

What I don't find helpful is the extensive account-taking, like trying to add up what it cost (in dollars) my parents to raise me. No one asks to be born. For me to be in existence and be raised with my material needs met seems like the bare minimum given that I did not ask to be here. I am here for reasons I had no control over, and man, we could really get far into this especially given the dismal reproductive rights in the US. Yeesh.

I also felt very put off by his holiday recommendations. Reflections on New Years? Sure. But the Thanksgiving part was... ick. He was so focused on not eating turkey and volunteering at a soup kitchen that he completely missed the obvious. Or was that intentional? How about thanking and showing gratitude by showing up for native folks who are still very much here? Perhaps meaningful action for this particular "holiday" should mean doing something to amplify and support the work of the very people who continue to be harmed by the perpetuation of this Thanksgiving myth? This seems so obvious, and I can't help but wonder if the author has done any work whatsoever on examining himself in order to even understand why he can spend his life peacefully contemplating Naikan when some people are working their asses off to survive the day.

Finally, the part where he talks about modern day psychology and the practice of therapy was enraging. I can't seem to find anything in my searches that indicates the author is a therapist of any sort, and yet he presents to mental health professionals and has been "conducting retreats and online courses on Japanese methods of psychology for 33 years," according to the Stonebridge Press website. If Krech paid any attention whatsoever to the therapy world, he might be surprised to find that there are many of us challenging and working outside the narrow scope of Western psychotherapy. He makes it sound as if Naikan is the only path, and that too is ignoring the fact that BIPOC therapists are including ancestral healing in beautiful and creative ways to their therapy practices already, and he's not gonna be the white/white-presenting savior to guide us all to enlightenment. As a therapist (and one with Japanese heritage at that) I was particularly incensed by his tone in that section of the book.

All in all, I would say that the good in this book is in its exploration of larger themes, but that the more detailed work is better explained by others who are current, inclusive, and more thoughtful. I imagine that Krech has had many decades to perfect his explanation of Naikan to audiences outside of Japan, and yet I think he misses out on the cultural nuances that make this practice sound different in other contexts. Some of his explanations are things that, in Japanese, have a connotation that doesn't have an equivalent in the English language. That said, I think the limitations are not just linguistic, but also in the perceived lack of connection to the issues that matter in the present. Or it could be unexamined privilege. Either way, it greatly detracted from my appreciation of this book.

[Matt Styles · Rating 4 out of 5]

In his book “Naikan”, author Gregg Krech subtitles it with “Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection”. Having now read the book, I personally wouldn’t say that the book is about gratitude, really. Or, perhaps I should say, Naikan itself is not about gratitude. Gratitude is merely a byproduct of practicing Naikan. In my experience, the primary goal and true fruit of Naikan is an experiential understanding of interbeing, of interconnectedness. In order to attain that understanding, it uses as its object of study the most immediate point of connection we have, which is ourselves. Naikan has us take a magnifying glass to the subtle yet innumerable connections that bind us to everything around us. We notice not just the numerousness of said connections, but also the absolute depth to which they penetrate our very being, down to our very cells.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"Fundamentally, our capacity for compassion and empathy requires an awareness of interconnectedness."

"Through the intense and reality-based examination of our lives, we can develop a natural and profound sense of gratitude for blessings bestowed on us by others."

"Yet it is our suffering that awakens our desire for truth. It nudges, pricks, and pokes us with difficult questions and discontent."

"Naikan broadens our view of reality. It's as if, standing on top of a mountain, we shift from a zoom lens to a wide angle lens. Now we can appreciate the broader panorama; our former perspective is still included, but it is now accompanied by much that had been hidden. And what was hidden makes the view extraordinary."

"If we are not willing to see and accept those events in which we have been the source of others' suffering, then we cannot truly know ourselves or the grace by which we live."

"We live under the illusion of independence."

"It is uncomfortable to acknowledge our own ingratitude. But through such an investigation we can become aware of the mechanics of ingratitude and perhaps bring more appreciation into our own life as well as the lives of others."

"The effort itself may lead to the realization that our debt to others can never be repaid. But until we have exhausted ourselves trying, we won't know, nor can we comprehend, the grace that underlies the fabric of our life."

"The more we think we deserve something, the more difficult it is to genuinely appreciate it as a gift."

"Through the third question we come to realize that we cannot observe ourselves directly, just as the eye cannot see itself. We need a mirror. And that mirror is the experience of others with whom we make contact. Through their eyes and heart we discover a path to self-awareness."

"We begin to see that our bodies, our stuff, even our ideas and words are musical arrangements whose notes come from somewhere else."

"When we pause and reflect on the roots of all this stuff, we get connected, in both time and space, to the web of interdependence that surrounds us and is us. In such a world, how can we feel unloved? And how can we ever be lonely?"

"We are restored to being whole, and our wholeness allows us to accept our past wounds without making them the center of who we are."

"It's extraordinary how something that's not there can block our view of what actually is there."

"Haya Akegarasu, a Buddhist priest, said, "To understand oneself, to understand others-this ability belongs to us. When we understand ourselves and others we cannot help but open up a new road to our lives. But whether other people understand us or not-that can't be helped, that depends on other people.""

[Hikari · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Naikan concept was developed in the 1940s by a Japanese Buddhist from the Pure Land tradition and focuses on self-reflection around 3 questions when thinking about a specific person (e.g. your mum, a particular work colleague, etc.)
1. What have I received from [person X]?
2. What did I give to [person X]?
3. What troubles or difficulties have I caused [person X]?

The central insight from Naikan is that we’re all very good at complaining about others but not very good at 1) counting our blessings and 2) realising just how much others give us. By using these questions as part of a daily self-reflection regime, we should grow in our gratitude (as we realise how much others do for us) and in our self-awareness of when we’ve slipped up (and we chose not to exercise self-control).

Where I felt the book was lacking (from a philosophical/theological perspective) is any sense of what to do with these lists you’ve made under the 3 questions. Sure, you might have 20 things under one of the headings but is that enough or too much? Indeed the book explicitly side-steps any notion of right/wrong and just focuses on identifying when we’ve inconvenienced someone. But, if right/wrong moral judgements don’t matter, then why should we care when we’ve inconvenienced someone (as it’s not wrong)? In addition, there’s no sense that some mistakes are bigger than others - bad mouthing another person and startling a bird when you opened a door would both just be items of equivalent standing in your lists. But (from a western perspective), we know they aren’t of equal value and bad mouthing another person is clearly worse than startling a bird. Also missing is any sense that correcting someone sometimes is a good idea and beneficial - parents/teachers/mentors who help us understand our errors and work with us to correct them are a blessing.

The book zips along and is an easy read (albeit a little repetitive). There are exercises to do (and keep doing) so that you can integrate these questions and reflections into your life. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Aleš Bednařík · Rating 5 out of 5]

Napriek tomu, že Naikan je o sebaspytovaní sa v troch oblastiach, cez tri jednoduché otázky, tak je to celkom milá, komplexná a zaujímavá kniha. Bez ezoteriky, pragmatická. Má návody (very simple), niekoľko osobných príbehov autora ukazujúcich praktickú aplikáciu Naikan techniky, niekoľko metaforických príbehov ilustrujúcich niektoré princípy Naikan.
Ale vlastne v Naikan nejde o techniku, ale o celkový prístup vďačnosti k všetkému, čoho sme prítomní a čoho sme svedkami a čoho sme užívateľmi.
Naikan je vlastne sebaspytovanie sa v troch oblastiach - ako nám prospieva svet a iní ľudia, ako prispievame iným a svetu my, a ako zaťažujeme svet a druhých svojim správaním.
Z toho vyplýva, že Naikan ide o kus ďalej ako samotná vďačnosť - ide do obojsmerného seba-spytovania ako svet vplýva na nás a my na neho. A to sa mi páči.
Najmä tretia otázka sebaspytovania - ako zaťažujeme druhých svojou existenciou, prístupom a správaním - nie je úplne pre každého, Najmä nie pre tých, ktorí si myslia, že svojou samotnou existenciou druhých otravujú.
Mne sa ale Naikan páči v tom, že chce udržať realistický pohľad na seba a na svet. A to je múdre.

[Lady · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. I love learning about new things and I certainly took on board some of the aspects of this book. It was interesting reading but for me a little over the top. This book will certainly work for some people. Even though it didn't fully work for me I am still glad to have read it as I have learned some great lessons from it. It was well written and mostly easy to understand and take on board. The author uses his own life as examples to back up and explain the principles of Naikan. At times I think the author shared a little too much. I was certainly cringing. Let's just say a list of what he was thankful for and what his wife does for him might have been better emitting the more intimate things. This book would be great for people to learn more about some interesting Japanese/Buddhist practices. This book certainly gives you alit to think about. Many thanks to the author and publishers for bringing us this interesting read. I am certainly thankful for the authors' efforts to explain Naikan and I will be taking on board the things that I have learnt.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. If you’ve enjoyed anything by Tim Ferris, or you read The courage to be Disliked and it spoke to you, or even just run of the mill “How to Win Friends…” you should definitely read this book. I had no idea what Naikan was when I selected this, I was (in all honesty) going into it thinking it would help me develop my calligraphy (a misleading cover perhaps). I was glad to be wrong on that. This book is practical, inspirational and spiritually affirming all at once. A great alternative to the self-help commercialism that seems to have increasingly burdened the book market in recent years. 5/5

[Diana Sandberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh. I approached this book as being possibly just another opportunity to feel bad about my shortcomings. Paradoxically, while it does encourage one to consider how one has caused others difficulties, the overwhelming immediate experience is joy and release. Gratitude, in fact. I am pleased that this happens to be the first entry in this year’s reading diary. I hope that every time I look it over, and particularly at the end of the year, I will be able to recognize the life-changing gifts of this book and its author (and his predecessors….gratitude seems to spread quickly :>)

[Tino Paz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wise and practical

Asks us to look at ourselves holistically, not cut off one another. Easier said than done when more often than not, it’s always about us or me first and foremost. But in reality (in actual reality not just the reality our mind can comprehend) I/we are alway both more and less than we realize at the same time. Naikan is an insightful guide on the path of holistic self-awareness that is a revolutionary step toward sustainable peace and fulfillment.

[Harvee Lau · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the messages of this book and to find out about Japanese Naikan practices of self reflexion. The book is straightforward and simply elaborates on three main questions that one asks oneself. I found it useful and enlightening and a different approach to self improvement, meditation, and how to look with fresh eyes at all the different everyday challenges.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started reading this book and stopped, because I got distracted by other titles but when I came back to it, I loved it more for the aspect of gratitude, of being thankful and giving thanks in all that I do and such mindfulness in times as this, made this an insightful read.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for the eARC.

[Sibylle Westbrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true life changer! I recommend this book to anyone who would like to explore a different approach than conventional Western psychology. I started a daily Naikan journal, and I find the focus away from oneself to others at the same time humbling and empowering.

[Jack · Rating 1 out of 5]

Two possibilities exist: either Krech is trolling me with this bullshit about thanking my mitochondria and the concept of heat or he genuinely believes this is sound advice and does this himself.
Both are equally terrifying.

[Susie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had no clue what Naikan was before I read this, but thought it sounded interesting and very positive. I wasn’t disappointed, I came away with lots of tips and idea’s.

Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.

[Kanhary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve practiced every exercise in this book:

What I have received?
What did I give?
What troubles or difficulties I caused?

I’ve been practicing these one hour per day and it’s super duper effective!!!

Highly recommend!!!!!!!!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting.

[Jean Grossman · Rating 5 out of 5]

have read multiple times and will again. keeps me centered.

[Emm-etc · Rating 5 out of 5]

“To live a life of gratitude is to open our eyes to the countless ways in which we are supported by the world around us.”

[Kayla Platoff · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first, I thought that I could give this book a good rating. However, as I read further I realized that I absolutely hated the author, so this rating is purely for that reason. I really like the idea of Naikan, but the author went way too far with it. I think that Krech is way too self centered even though the whole point of Naikan is to think of others. Yes, he points out many times that humans are imperfect and it's difficult to think of others, but at times it's like he doesn't even try. Some of his ideas are way too out there and I can't stand some of what he has to say. I actually got angry when he began saying that we should thank our mitochondria...did he really think we would take that seriously? Up until that point, though, I was totally with him.After that, he annoyed me to no end. His book has lots of inconsistencies throughout and some of his thoughts are just way too out there for my taste. Naikan is a beautiful way to look at life and I do employ some of the basic concepts in my life, but anything that Krech himself offered up I just can't get behind.

[Samuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

It struck me as a fairly inconsistent book, really. The description of the Naikan technique itself was clear and easy to follow, and the explanations of the various exercises were solid. I felt, however, like many of Krech's arguments against psychotherapy were straw-man critiques, and unhelpful, and I wondered about his relationship advice as well. The techniques for self-reflection have value, but I felt like the book rested on assumptions that weren't examined as thoroughly as I would have liked.

Them's just my two cents though.