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Practicing Peace in Times of War
With war and violence flaring all over the world, many of us are left feeling vulnerable and utterly helpless. In this book Pema Chödrön draws on Buddhist teachings to explore the origins of aggression, hatred, and war, explaining that they lie nowhere but within our own hearts and minds. She goes on to explain that the way in which we as individuals respond to challenges in our everyday lives can either perpetuate a culture of violence or create a new culture of compassion.
"War and peace begin in the hearts of individuals," declares Pema Chödrön at the opening of this inspiring and accessible book. She goes on to offer practical techniques any of us can use to work for peace in our own lives, at the level of our habits of thought and action. It's never too late, she tells us, to look within and discover a new way of living and transform not only our personal lives but our whole world.
"War and peace begin in the hearts of individuals," declares Pema Chödrön at the opening of this inspiring and accessible book. She goes on to offer practical techniques any of us can use to work for peace in our own lives, at the level of our habits of thought and action. It's never too late, she tells us, to look within and discover a new way of living and transform not only our personal lives but our whole world.
128 pages, Hardcover
First published August 29, 2006
151 people are currently reading
2528 people want to read
About the author
Pema Chödrön
195 books5,449 followersAni Pema Chödrön (Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, closely associated with the Kagyu school and the Shambhala lineage.
She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.
While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.
Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.
Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.
Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.
She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.
While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.
Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.
Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.
Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 187 reviews
November 16, 2017
I downloaded this one of those times Hoopla told me I still had downloads left that month and I felt compelled to use them. I have enjoyed previous books by Pema Chödrön, particularly When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. This interested me because it was narrated by her. Well, that's what I thought but in actuality this originated in audio, a series of teachings she gave at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco during a program held in 2004. I understand they have been transcribed into a printed form as well, but I'm not sure I would recommend that. Even the audio could have used considerable editing. Even though she must have prepared the talks ahead of time, there are a lot of ums, and the fourth talk seems to include a guided meditation and silent meditation period but the time for this is not included in the recording.
Still the content is good and I might seek out a longer text by the author on similar topics to dig deeper. It had a nice intersection with the MBSR class I just completed, about non-reacting, recognizing our own aggression, etc.
Still the content is good and I might seek out a longer text by the author on similar topics to dig deeper. It had a nice intersection with the MBSR class I just completed, about non-reacting, recognizing our own aggression, etc.
October 29, 2018
Succinct enough to re-read often and complex enough to never fully master...
September 3, 2014
Pema Chödrön wasn't always Pema Chödrön. She embraced Buddhism and her Buddhist name after living as a married woman and school teacher. When her husband announced he wanted a divorce, she flew into rage and grief. But that led to a search for a better way to live. She is now an honored author, Buddhist nun, and teacher.
This short, small book about practicing peace is based on her human experience, and the reactions and human traits we all share.
Many points of wisdom here. I list here just a few.
War is never going to end as long as our hearts are hardened against each other.
Clobbering people with your peace sign? The next time you get angry, check out your righteous indignation, check out your fundamentalism that supports your hatred of this person...
Whenever there's that sting of pain, I practice pausing, because I know that that moment is precious.
There is a practice we can do right then to help us stay present and awake. It is called compassionate abiding. Compassionate abiding provides a way to no longer invest in reactions with so much absolute truth.
This short, small book about practicing peace is based on her human experience, and the reactions and human traits we all share.
Many points of wisdom here. I list here just a few.
War is never going to end as long as our hearts are hardened against each other.
Clobbering people with your peace sign? The next time you get angry, check out your righteous indignation, check out your fundamentalism that supports your hatred of this person...
Whenever there's that sting of pain, I practice pausing, because I know that that moment is precious.
There is a practice we can do right then to help us stay present and awake. It is called compassionate abiding. Compassionate abiding provides a way to no longer invest in reactions with so much absolute truth.
August 18, 2015
One of the best. So tiny, but my companion in the middle of the night, again again and again. Just a few essential practices ... enough to build a life on.
April 7, 2019
I have been slowly moving toward Buddhism as a definition of my spirituality for a long time, almost all my life, it seems. This short little book attracted my eye when I was in the library one day, and I'm glad I took the time to read it. Practicing Peace outlines how to ground yourself in life, and also how to be comfortable with discomfort. This is another step in the direction of bringing peace to my own life.
July 18, 2025
Ten years after reading this book, I see that I need to have been rereading every year. One may learn how to better practice peace within oneself, yet one forgets just how to do it. In order for me to remember better and practice vetter, I am committing to rereading every year.
August 18, 2019
This little book packs a big punch. It invites us to learn how to live more easily with our fears and insecurities without being hooked into reacting. I'm thinking of buying a few to give away to people I love.
January 21, 2023
if you like this review i now have website: www.michaelkamakana.com
220120: another very good book by chodron. nothing particularly new metaphysically, but helpful in 'practice'. general theme is against fundamentalism, hardening of heart, responding on previous patterns that do not resolve or conquer but only promote further hate. psychological self-help, insight is efficacy of simple 'pause' in stressful moments...
220120: another very good book by chodron. nothing particularly new metaphysically, but helpful in 'practice'. general theme is against fundamentalism, hardening of heart, responding on previous patterns that do not resolve or conquer but only promote further hate. psychological self-help, insight is efficacy of simple 'pause' in stressful moments...
May 12, 2021
This was a book that I picked up for no particular reason. Probably because it was small. I love small books. The idea that I could read it in under a day and be a whole book smarter is always intriguing to me. This one was not that great though. The beginning was immediately off-putting because of the way the author equated the experience of the oppressor to the experience of the oppressed. She really conflated, I think, the subliminal emotional pain and mild cognitive dissonance of the oppressor to the embodied, generational mental anguish and physical endangerment of the oppressed. That equation was tone-deaf and insensitive, to me, and kinda turned me off of the rest of what she had to say.
I understand that nature of Buddhist ideologies tend toward existentialist appeals like the transcendent experience, or broad universalities, which indubitably have value. Still, I think the verbiage associated with peace, inherency, and transcendent (non)selfhood can be an aesthetic, superficial way to circumvent the true work of confronting ones ingrained prejudices. Like playing at colorblindness, ignoring homophobia, or denying sexist mentalities and cultural frameworks. These social constructions are arbitrary, but not meaningless, and using that arbitrarity to justify ignoring them is just a way to gaslight the oppressed and make them feel like their suffering is not deserving of attention and amelioration.
I think the author had a few interesting points to make, but she definitely didn't need a whole book to make those points. The primary ideas of the book, about connecting to emotions, non-reactivity, and introspection were ones I felt like could've been made in a fifteen minute TedTalk or a short opinion article online, not a whole book. Some of the ideas were really insightful, and a sentence or two really demonstrated those main ideas in a compact and interesting way, but then she just repeated herself for pages and pages, finding new iterations for the same concept. It just got really exhausting to read.
I understand that nature of Buddhist ideologies tend toward existentialist appeals like the transcendent experience, or broad universalities, which indubitably have value. Still, I think the verbiage associated with peace, inherency, and transcendent (non)selfhood can be an aesthetic, superficial way to circumvent the true work of confronting ones ingrained prejudices. Like playing at colorblindness, ignoring homophobia, or denying sexist mentalities and cultural frameworks. These social constructions are arbitrary, but not meaningless, and using that arbitrarity to justify ignoring them is just a way to gaslight the oppressed and make them feel like their suffering is not deserving of attention and amelioration.
I think the author had a few interesting points to make, but she definitely didn't need a whole book to make those points. The primary ideas of the book, about connecting to emotions, non-reactivity, and introspection were ones I felt like could've been made in a fifteen minute TedTalk or a short opinion article online, not a whole book. Some of the ideas were really insightful, and a sentence or two really demonstrated those main ideas in a compact and interesting way, but then she just repeated herself for pages and pages, finding new iterations for the same concept. It just got really exhausting to read.
November 13, 2017
One of the 12-step program slogans is "fake it til you make it." I think that's my approach with Pema Chodron and my ongoing quest to become more centered and sane. This is the third or fourth book I've ready by her (thankfully, she has many more) and I have not even attempted to establish any kind of meditation practice. Still, the way she frames her ideas and Buddhist concepts makes me reexamine my habitual approaches and patterns of thinking and reacting. There is no end game here. Just reading her invaluable words, for now, is enough.
May 28, 2020
The “war” here means personal wars of anger, resentment, rigid thoughts of fundamentalism, aggression, and self-absorption in our relationships. What a great time to read this little book, barely 100 pages, with targeted topics and practical methods to practice a peaceful demeanor, state of being, and heal ourselves and others. I read it in about 90 minutes at one sitting, snug in my home, near a window with lots of blue sky outside—and a pot of tea. Basically this book helps you to find the “soft spot” in your own heart and share it with others. Pema also has a lot to say about fear, pain, and suffering. If you are looking to read a book that can inspire you to transform the difficulties into resolution, calm, and strength, this 90-minute read will launch you into a new perspective. It’s a simple concept, this compassion for oneself and others. Pema says, don’t fall for the “hook.” Once you can identify this hook, you’re halfway there. I invite readers to give this little book 90 minutes of your time. Highly recommended. Paula Cappa is an avid book reviewer and an award-winning supernatural mystery author.
February 6, 2023
When I need a reminder.
May 19, 2025
When you feel insecurity, whether you’re feeling it in the middle of the night out of nowhere or whether it’s constant, there is a groundless and unformed quality to it.
Read
June 2, 2020quick, based on a lecture series.
March 29, 2024
Pema Chödrön's light, wisdom, and humor are an elixir for what ails the world and the soul.
October 9, 2025
This was the perfect moment for this slim volume in my life. I stuck some notes on post-its in a few places, and will see how I feel about them when I reread it in the future. Quite a lot here for me to work with.
January 13, 2024
An important book for yourself and for the world given current global affairs. I am going to pass my current copy along to my little free library in hopes the message spreads, and buy myself and my partner new copies. He works with at risk youth who often feel the anger and triggers, the “hooks” mentioned, and he leads a book group on campus. I think he may be able to open some minds and hearts with this.
December 23, 2016
This is a series of four talks given by American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco during a program held in 2004. The fundamental takeaway is one that will not be at all surprising to Buddhist practitioners or those familiar with the teachings, but might be unexpected to others: not only is working with one's own mental/psychological/emotional aggression a necessary prerequisite for bringing about peace in a war-torn world, but is in fact one and the same undertaking. The tenor of tension on the world stage that Pema alludes to in these talks back in 2004 is just as present now (and she did presciently note at the time that things were only getting worse!), making these talks not only timeless, but growing in importance. The onus of practicing this very personal development of peace in times of global war or near-war is on each and every one of us, and is utterly essential.
Reading any of Pema Chödrön's works always manages to convey her warmth, humor, and down-to-earthiness, but I recommend that readers also try sometimes listening to her talks in their raw form as delivered by her, before they are transcribed into book form. (The vast majority of Pema's books are based on her live talks/programs.) Besides just the (not at all inconsequential!) joy of hearing her spontaneously speak her own words in front of an audience, Pema's talks also quite often include guided meditations, which are much easier to follow in an audio format.
That being said, I am not sure that this particular title is one that's necessarily better in audio form. The first three talks are great, but the fourth and final one – the one that includes the guided meditation – feels kind of oddly and choppily edited, especially during the guided meditation part. I'm not sure if some of the audio has been spliced in from an otherwise-unheard question and answer session or what, but the guided meditation section definitely feels incomplete, a bit disjointed, and poorly delimited at the end. Although I did not read the book to compare it to the audio CD version, perhaps this is one of those times I'd recommend you read the book instead of listen to the audio. This is a vital topic for our times, when we are increasingly fighting more and more wars on every front – from the international to the interpersonal.
Reading any of Pema Chödrön's works always manages to convey her warmth, humor, and down-to-earthiness, but I recommend that readers also try sometimes listening to her talks in their raw form as delivered by her, before they are transcribed into book form. (The vast majority of Pema's books are based on her live talks/programs.) Besides just the (not at all inconsequential!) joy of hearing her spontaneously speak her own words in front of an audience, Pema's talks also quite often include guided meditations, which are much easier to follow in an audio format.
That being said, I am not sure that this particular title is one that's necessarily better in audio form. The first three talks are great, but the fourth and final one – the one that includes the guided meditation – feels kind of oddly and choppily edited, especially during the guided meditation part. I'm not sure if some of the audio has been spliced in from an otherwise-unheard question and answer session or what, but the guided meditation section definitely feels incomplete, a bit disjointed, and poorly delimited at the end. Although I did not read the book to compare it to the audio CD version, perhaps this is one of those times I'd recommend you read the book instead of listen to the audio. This is a vital topic for our times, when we are increasingly fighting more and more wars on every front – from the international to the interpersonal.
April 23, 2019
I should have reviewed this one some time ago but it is okay that I am just getting around to it. I love Pema and have read much of what she has written but I love how much she distilled things down to their most important essence in this small volume. I recommend it highly. I have had folks who were uncomfortable with her Buddhist approach but it really is delightful to cross reference powerful works such as this with your own personal core book references. You will soon see that there is much in common with your beliefs and what Pema has to offer. Even though it is short, there is no way for me to note all of the quotes that I love from this book so I will just offer up my favourite one.
"All of you are perfect just as you and you could use a little improvement."-Zen Master Suzuki Roshi
"All of you are perfect just as you and you could use a little improvement."-Zen Master Suzuki Roshi
April 22, 2019
I spent most of my time with this quick read translating Chodron's words into my paradigm of words. There are many great ideas to practice in this little book. It is a small, simple thing with a great message. And in my copy there are many exclamation points, and question marks. There are comments of agreement, ah-ha moments, and "I don't think that way" written all over the margins. I am curious about Chodron's view on marriage, and how being in that relationship can help or hinder one's peace efforts.
Being Christian, the one thing lacking that left a big hole for me was recognition of a Supreme Being, a god, my God, in guiding me, loving me towards peace. And thus, the translating.
Being Christian, the one thing lacking that left a big hole for me was recognition of a Supreme Being, a god, my God, in guiding me, loving me towards peace. And thus, the translating.
November 28, 2015
A short (100 pages) reminder that peace on a societal scale begins with a sense of peace within ourselves. The teaching here, however, is not to find some state of inner bliss. Instead, it's about getting comfortable with suffering, with uncertainty, and with insecurity. This book offers a gentle instruction on how to stay with those things that make us uneasy so that we can build up a sense of compassion for ourselves, then extend that to others, who are also invariably dealing with their own demons.
It's a brief teaching, but Pema gets right to the heart of it, with warmth, empathy, and humor.
It's a brief teaching, but Pema gets right to the heart of it, with warmth, empathy, and humor.
September 21, 2018
I'm not a Buddhist, but the guidance in this little book is accessible, understandable, and immediately practical for anyone of any spiritual background or belief. The power of pausing, breathing, and holding ourselves and others with peaceful intentions is more needed and necessary in our current world than ever before. I found myself underlining, copying quotes, and going back to ponder ideas and applications, over and over. This book earns a permanent place in my personal and spiritual resources.
July 16, 2017
I thought this book was AMAZING! If you are considering reading either "The Anatomy of Peace" or "Leadership and Self Deception" take the shortcut and read this instead. It covers all the same concepts but in a much more concise and direct manner. It also includes, in my opinion, insights that are much more deep and relatable. I would recommend this book in a heartbeat to anyone! Don't be deceived by the size there's a lot in there!
January 30, 2019
I found this gem on the new non-fiction release section of my library. And echoing the sentiments of other reviewers I was excited because I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve read by the author, Pena Chödrön, so far. This book was more than I expected. Definitely a book to read when you’re really ready to practice peace. A resource guide of sorts.
I especially enjoyed the chapter, “Not Biting The Hook.” 4.5 stars.
I especially enjoyed the chapter, “Not Biting The Hook.” 4.5 stars.
February 13, 2017
One of my most favorite short books I've ever read. I asked myself this question last night. How do I personally practice peace and bring that to the world at large? I realized I had a book that might answer some of the question. So I read it. And so should you. Pema Chodron is a Buddhist nun and has much wisdom we can learn from.
August 30, 2012
She is just amazing - not just because she is so wise and insightful but also because she has the strength and confidence to admit where she stumbles in her journey. I sure would love to go to Gampo Abbey and get to see the wisdom of this place in person!
November 30, 2016
If you are filled with angst regarding the recent presidential elections, this is a book for you. It helps to put things into perspective and I'll need to read it several times to perhaps learn how to regain my cool. I'm off to breathe.
September 10, 2018
Loved this tiny little book! Seriously, it should just be called "How to Find Your Chill." Chodron reminds us that it is important to step back from the moment. EVERY moment is a choice to breath or get hooked. A very simple reminder that the smallest action can have an enormous impact.
March 4, 2023
Bellissimo...molto profondo ma estremamente semplice
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October 29, 2022We often harden our hearts because we want to protect ourselves from our suffering. But if we continue in this way, ignoring and lashing out, repressing our unwanted feelings and distracting ourselves, after a long enough time, we will become rigid and closed off.
We will become manipulative toward people, not accepting them for their uniqueness, but judging them based on what they can do for us. Our fear, anger, greed, and ignorance will follow us wherever we go, whether we’re at work, at home, or sitting on top of a mountain. We will react, rationalizing our mistakes, ignoring our pain, attacking anyone who criticizes us, always threatened by the unknown. Our suffering will spill over onto those who are closest to us.
“We point our fingers at the wrongdoers, but we ourselves are mirror images; everyone is outraged at everyone else’s wrongness.” (Chödrön, Pema)
When we alienate ourselves from other people, rather than working on being more vulnerable and open, we feed our self-righteousness, anger, and discrimination. We blame and doubt. As long as we keep perceiving the world in these same unwholesome patterns, our suffering will never leave us.
“Whenever there’s a sense of threat, we harden. And so if we don’t harden, what happens? We’re left with that uneasiness, that feeling of threat. That’s when the real journey of courage begins. This is the real work of the peacemaker, to find the soft spot and the tenderness in that very uneasy place and stay with it. If we can stay with the soft spot and stay with the tender heart, then we are cultivating the seeds of peace.” (Chödrön, Pema)
We have self-destructive seeds within us, passed down through many generations. Yet at the same time, beyond our rigidity, we have a soft spot in our hearts.
From softness, we can discover spaciousness. From spaciousness, we can live in a boundless, ungraspable world.
We have to stay with what’s changing within us, letting our hearts heal in those moments. While we may not be in control of what’s outside of us, we can be with our minds, breaking apart our unthinking habits of aggression.
“We don’t automatically react, even though inside we are reacting. We let all the words go and are just there with the rawness of our experience.” (Chödrön, Pema)
If we stay with our uncomfortable feelings, we may discover that there’s no real resolution. No absolute answers. There is nothing to cling to. Most people are afraid of that groundlessness, fleeing toward an absolute answer, belief, or solution. They want to know what’s right and wrong, what can be defined and categorized, what can provide assurances of permanence.
“You have a choice whether to open or close, whether to hold on or to let go, whether to harden or soften, whether to hold your seat or strike out. That choice is presented to you again and again and again.” (Chödrön, Pema)
If we develop enough patience to be with our energy, even though we may feel afraid and angry and anxious, something within us will die. When we can let go, we will experience freedom through the death of our attachments, a release from our unwholesome approaches to life.
When we have thoughts, we can simply label them as thoughts. We can return where we are, over and again, disrupting our blind habits, minimizing our reactive tendencies, creating space within ourselves. When we are habitually unmindful, however, we are trapped as prisoners inside our own minds.
We are humans. We cannot escape aging, illness, loss, and death. Phenomena will change during our lives as well. When we refuse to see these realities directly, clinging to our pleasures while avoiding pain, we will cause suffering to ourselves and other beings.
Our tendency is to seek out security, but if we are to transform ourselves, if we are to help others, we have to look at our minds first. We have to see the impermanence in all things.
“Instead of asking ourselves, ‘How can I find security and happiness?’ we could ask ourselves, ‘Can I touch the center of my pain? Can I sit with suffering, both yours and mine, without trying to make it go away? Can I stay present to the ache of loss or disgrace — disappointment in all its many forms — and let it open me?’” (Chödrön, Pema)
Through our practice, we can become intimate with what threatens to harden our hearts. What barriers have we used to isolate ourselves from other people, so we could escape from feeling the pain of an orphaned child or war refugee, so we could protect ourselves from looking at our rejection and depression and fear? When we come to subtly recognize these barriers within us, they will begin to break apart.
“Becoming intimate with pain is the key to changing at the core of our being — staying open to everything we experience, letting the sharpness of difficult times pierce us to the heart, letting these times open us, humble us, and make us wiser and more brave. Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away.” (Chödrön, Pema)
We can recognize in ourselves our prejudices and fears, guilt and shame. We can connect to others through our common humanity, knowing that we have all felt similar emotions, that other beings want peace like we want peace, that they do not wish to suffer like we do not wish to suffer.
We may meditate to know ourselves but our practice should extend to the rest of our lives. Our feelings will come and go, arising and passing. We don’t need to reject our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. They may take up our attention at times, but we can let go of our old stories, our negative thoughts, our unhealthy desires, seeing them as clouds instead. Clouds drift on. They are neither solid nor permanent. Eventually they will fade into an empty sky.
Even when we are mindful, we will still feel sad, happy, angry, and jealous. These things will all come and go. Instead of merely reacting, we don’t have to take the bait. We can learn to be present with unpleasantness and pleasantness. When we are aware of what is, we simply are.
“Our interpretations and our opinions are just that — our interpretations and opinions. We no longer have to be under their control, or have them color everything we think and do. Strong reactions will continue to arise, just the way the weather changes. But each of us can develop our ability to not escalate the emotions so that they become a nightmare and increase our suffering.” (Chödrön, Pema)
Aggression begins in our minds. Violence begins in our minds. We can water the seeds of hatred, fear, greed, and ignorance. Or we can sink into awareness until something breaks open in our hearts.
“When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dynamic nature of your own being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You’re able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open. And you notice when you get caught up in prejudice, bias, and aggression. You develop an enthusiasm for no longer watering those negative seeds, from now until the day you die. And you begin to think of your life as offering endless opportunities to start to do things differently, endless opportunities to dissolve the seeds of war where they originate — in the hearts and minds of individuals like you and me.” (Chödrön, Pema)
We will become manipulative toward people, not accepting them for their uniqueness, but judging them based on what they can do for us. Our fear, anger, greed, and ignorance will follow us wherever we go, whether we’re at work, at home, or sitting on top of a mountain. We will react, rationalizing our mistakes, ignoring our pain, attacking anyone who criticizes us, always threatened by the unknown. Our suffering will spill over onto those who are closest to us.
“We point our fingers at the wrongdoers, but we ourselves are mirror images; everyone is outraged at everyone else’s wrongness.” (Chödrön, Pema)
When we alienate ourselves from other people, rather than working on being more vulnerable and open, we feed our self-righteousness, anger, and discrimination. We blame and doubt. As long as we keep perceiving the world in these same unwholesome patterns, our suffering will never leave us.
“Whenever there’s a sense of threat, we harden. And so if we don’t harden, what happens? We’re left with that uneasiness, that feeling of threat. That’s when the real journey of courage begins. This is the real work of the peacemaker, to find the soft spot and the tenderness in that very uneasy place and stay with it. If we can stay with the soft spot and stay with the tender heart, then we are cultivating the seeds of peace.” (Chödrön, Pema)
We have self-destructive seeds within us, passed down through many generations. Yet at the same time, beyond our rigidity, we have a soft spot in our hearts.
From softness, we can discover spaciousness. From spaciousness, we can live in a boundless, ungraspable world.
We have to stay with what’s changing within us, letting our hearts heal in those moments. While we may not be in control of what’s outside of us, we can be with our minds, breaking apart our unthinking habits of aggression.
“We don’t automatically react, even though inside we are reacting. We let all the words go and are just there with the rawness of our experience.” (Chödrön, Pema)
If we stay with our uncomfortable feelings, we may discover that there’s no real resolution. No absolute answers. There is nothing to cling to. Most people are afraid of that groundlessness, fleeing toward an absolute answer, belief, or solution. They want to know what’s right and wrong, what can be defined and categorized, what can provide assurances of permanence.
“You have a choice whether to open or close, whether to hold on or to let go, whether to harden or soften, whether to hold your seat or strike out. That choice is presented to you again and again and again.” (Chödrön, Pema)
If we develop enough patience to be with our energy, even though we may feel afraid and angry and anxious, something within us will die. When we can let go, we will experience freedom through the death of our attachments, a release from our unwholesome approaches to life.
When we have thoughts, we can simply label them as thoughts. We can return where we are, over and again, disrupting our blind habits, minimizing our reactive tendencies, creating space within ourselves. When we are habitually unmindful, however, we are trapped as prisoners inside our own minds.
We are humans. We cannot escape aging, illness, loss, and death. Phenomena will change during our lives as well. When we refuse to see these realities directly, clinging to our pleasures while avoiding pain, we will cause suffering to ourselves and other beings.
Our tendency is to seek out security, but if we are to transform ourselves, if we are to help others, we have to look at our minds first. We have to see the impermanence in all things.
“Instead of asking ourselves, ‘How can I find security and happiness?’ we could ask ourselves, ‘Can I touch the center of my pain? Can I sit with suffering, both yours and mine, without trying to make it go away? Can I stay present to the ache of loss or disgrace — disappointment in all its many forms — and let it open me?’” (Chödrön, Pema)
Through our practice, we can become intimate with what threatens to harden our hearts. What barriers have we used to isolate ourselves from other people, so we could escape from feeling the pain of an orphaned child or war refugee, so we could protect ourselves from looking at our rejection and depression and fear? When we come to subtly recognize these barriers within us, they will begin to break apart.
“Becoming intimate with pain is the key to changing at the core of our being — staying open to everything we experience, letting the sharpness of difficult times pierce us to the heart, letting these times open us, humble us, and make us wiser and more brave. Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away.” (Chödrön, Pema)
We can recognize in ourselves our prejudices and fears, guilt and shame. We can connect to others through our common humanity, knowing that we have all felt similar emotions, that other beings want peace like we want peace, that they do not wish to suffer like we do not wish to suffer.
We may meditate to know ourselves but our practice should extend to the rest of our lives. Our feelings will come and go, arising and passing. We don’t need to reject our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. They may take up our attention at times, but we can let go of our old stories, our negative thoughts, our unhealthy desires, seeing them as clouds instead. Clouds drift on. They are neither solid nor permanent. Eventually they will fade into an empty sky.
Even when we are mindful, we will still feel sad, happy, angry, and jealous. These things will all come and go. Instead of merely reacting, we don’t have to take the bait. We can learn to be present with unpleasantness and pleasantness. When we are aware of what is, we simply are.
“Our interpretations and our opinions are just that — our interpretations and opinions. We no longer have to be under their control, or have them color everything we think and do. Strong reactions will continue to arise, just the way the weather changes. But each of us can develop our ability to not escalate the emotions so that they become a nightmare and increase our suffering.” (Chödrön, Pema)
Aggression begins in our minds. Violence begins in our minds. We can water the seeds of hatred, fear, greed, and ignorance. Or we can sink into awareness until something breaks open in our hearts.
“When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dynamic nature of your own being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You’re able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open. And you notice when you get caught up in prejudice, bias, and aggression. You develop an enthusiasm for no longer watering those negative seeds, from now until the day you die. And you begin to think of your life as offering endless opportunities to start to do things differently, endless opportunities to dissolve the seeds of war where they originate — in the hearts and minds of individuals like you and me.” (Chödrön, Pema)
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