[(No One Has to Die Alone: Preparing for a Meaningful Death)] [Author: Lani Leary] published on

by Lani Leary

The experience of caring for a loved one through terminal illness and eventual loss can be incredibly isolating and emotionally overwhelming. No One Dies Alone offers accessible insights, practical tools, and personal stories to provide a sense of community, profound relief, and deep meaning for both caregiver and patient through illness, death, and bereavement.The first half of No One Dies Alone focuses on caregiving, while the second half focuses on the grieving process, including an entire chapter on how to compassionately support the unique needs of children through the grieving process. Each chapter is written to stand alone, allowing readers to reference any chapter and apply that information to their unique challenge.

Genres: Nonfiction

Paperback

First published April 10, 2012

About the author

Dr. Lani Leary has over twenty-five years of experience as a psychotherapist working with chronically ill, dying, and bereaved clients. She served as the director of mental health services at Whitman Walker AIDS clinic, as a professor of Death Studies at George Mason University, and as a researcher at the National Cancer Institute of NIH. Leary also garners wisdom from her personal experience—her mother’s death when she was a child, her father’s death from cancer, her own profound near-death experience—and has sat with over 500 people as they died.



Dr. Leary has spoken nationally at over 250 conferences, writes a bereavement column for www.healingthespirit.org, and is the author of Healing Hands an international, bestselling audiotape on therapeutic touch and pain management.

Reviews

[S. Jeyran Main · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Leary shares some wise words in this book. Ever thought to yourself if how we die matters? Or if we can make a difference to anyone we know that is dying? In this book, we not only learn more about having a better perspective but we also come to terms with finding meaning in the loss we feel.

What I mostly loved about this book was that the Author’s journey starts with her personal experience of losing her own father. I felt sorrowful reading her story and once finished, I had to take a couple of minutes to pull myself together. From this experience, the Author then begins to give us a meaningful insight into how this feels and how we should act. You will be shocked to know that this book will change your perspective and will create a better ‘YOU’ for when it’s needed.

“Dying may be painful; death is not” Dr. Leary informs us. We can cope, and we can process ways to grief in our own ways, but she emphasizes that validation is the key to resolving pain.

Also, the Author discusses that children grief differently than adults. This is a very sensitive topic, and very few have the right answer. I believe this book does give a very insightful idea on how it can be processed.

In summary, I recommend this book to people that are interested in the psychology of death and dying and anyone that is going through grief or has a loved one that is terminally ill.

[Deb Shelton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Out of all the many books I have read in my life; none have ever compared to the profound impact and significance of this book, No One Has to Die Alone. Dr. Leary not only spoke from her years of experience with this subject but also from her heart, gifting me with invaluable new insights. This book is not only about death, dying and grief; but also a lot about LIVING in the present with our loved ones, friends & family. I was bewildered to read a negative review from one reader who mentioned an irrelevancy to an example where no effort is too small to be aware of and in the present moment with your loved one who is dying...i.e: stating lip balm applied to dry lips...this example clearly was just the tip of the ice berg towards a much bigger picture of the entire process involved. When I was with my mother dying, the shock of her laying there would at times leave my siblings and I disoriented and perplexed at what was needed in that moment. If anyone has ever truly had their heart devastated at the loss of a loved one, they will know what I am speaking of. I am extremely action oriented and a real task manager; but even I spent moments where a simple act of applying lip balm would have escaped my dazed and sad mind.
I can not thank Dr. Leary enough for writing such an invaluable book. If I could afford it, I would purchase a copy for every person to read because of the lessons and education within this publication are monumental. I highlighted many sections in this book and asked my family to read it stating "this is how I wish to be treated in case I become terminally ill; but also how I wish to be treated while living too." Never have I ever been able to say a book has changed my life until now. I value my loved ones so much, I made sure they received a copy too. Sincerely, Ms. Shelton

[Kathy Sebesta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an insightful guide to dying, from the waiting thru the fact and after. It loox at the many ways people react, with good suggestions about the best ways to work with unhealthy responses.

I don't think book this would be much help for a person immersed in the dying process as I think it's way too detailed (and somewhat repetitious). Rather, the target seems to be the one who's helping. A grief therapist, perhaps, or a hospice nurse. The specific chapters offer guidance on each stage of the process as they may relate to specific issues, so for example if the person you're helping is a child or his parents, you can focus on what you need for them.

[Melody · Rating 4 out of 5]

We read books to help us parent well, to strengthen our marriage, to improve our careers and to manage our finances but it seems off-putting to read a book to help us prepare for death. But Lani Leary, author of No One Has To Die Alone, Preparing for a Meaningful Death, believes that how we die matters and how we serve our loved ones as they die matters most of all. The first part of the book focuses on how family and caregivers can make a difference through illness, dying and death. The second part addresses bereavement and includes a section on the special needs of grieving children.
Leary believes in life after death but readers who are nonbelievers or who follow a different tenet of faith will still find her practical advice invaluable. Leary provides actually phrases to say in difficult situations, questions to ask your loved one and how to divide housekeeping tasks if you are fortunate enough to be part of a team. She provides an informative timeline of symptoms and signs of the months, days and hours leading up to death. Although each death is unique and unknowable, we can prepare, we can strengthen our resolve to be fully present and helpful when someone we love dies.

[Leigh · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are better guides out there. I like the ones that provide actual case studies, rather than abstract theory or obvious advice e.g."apply balm to dry lips to increase your loved ones comfort." Brilliant suggestion, Einstein.