Brain-Based Parenting: The Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment

by Daniel A. Hughes, Jonathan Baylin

An attachment specialist and a clinical psychologist with neurobiology expertise team up to explore the brain science behind parenting. In this groundbreaking exploration of the brain mechanisms behind healthy caregiving, attachment specialist Daniel A. Hughes and veteran clinical psychologist Jonathan Baylin guide readers through the intricate web of neuronal processes, hormones, and chemicals that drive―and sometimes thwart―our caregiving impulses, uncovering the mysteries of the parental brain.

The biggest challenge to parents, Hughes and Baylin explain, is learning how to regulate emotions that arise―feeling them deeply and honestly while staying grounded and aware enough to preserve the parent–child relationship. Stress, which can lead to “blocked” or dysfunctional care, can impede our brain’s inherent caregiving processes and negatively impact our ability to do this. While the parent–child relationship can generate deep empathy and the intense motivation to care for our children, it can also trigger self-defensive feelings rooted in our early attachment relationships, and give rise to “unparental” impulses.

Learning to be a “good parent” is contingent upon learning how to manage this stress, understand its brain-based cues, and respond in a way that will set the brain back on track. To this end, Hughes and Baylin define five major “systems” of caregiving as they’re linked to the brain, explaining how they operate when parenting is strong and what happens when good parenting is compromised or “blocked.” With this awareness, we learn how to approach kids with renewed playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, and empathy, re-regulate our caregiving systems, foster deeper social engagement, and facilitate our children’s development.

Infused with clinical insight, illuminating case examples, and helpful illustrations, Brain-Based Parenting brings the science of caregiving to light for the first time. Far from just managing our children’s behavior, we can develop our “parenting brains,” and with a better understanding of the neurobiological roots of our feelings and our own attachment histories, we can transform a fraught parent-child relationship into an open, regulated, and loving one.

Genres: Parenting, Psychology, Adoption, Nonfiction, Neuroscience, Counselling, Brain

264 pages, Hardcover

First published April 23, 2012

Reviews

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

The core strategy may be critical, but I felt like the bulk of the book is there to persuade people to implement it. I don't think I needed that volume of persuasion, others might.
Summary:

1. Stressed parents often react to perceived problems with their children without enough empathy to persuade their children that the relationship is secure, and this results in everyone listening to each other less.

2. People pick up patterns of parenting behavior from their own parents, when they are younger.

3. The toughest challenge of being a parent is saying positive and engaged, emotionally, with their children (assuming their other basic needs are met...)

4. pACE: playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy are they keys for a parent to focus on in order to regulate their own emotions during stressful situations with their children, while fostering feelings of trust and understanding. Basically, don't assume, ask. And be civil about it. When appropriate (thus the lower case "p" ) be playful to keep things in perspective, but never at the expense of empathy.

[Caren Rosser-morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is very important work and I hope it will shift our family based intervention models away from those that focus almost exclusively on lower brain processes and towards a more neurologically integrated view of human relationships and parenting. I would have given it 5 stars but the parents I work with are having a hard time getting through the book because of the writing being a little too dense for them. I hope Hughes and his colleagues will come out with a more accessible work book type piece for parents trying to shift their interaction style.

[Tina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really excited by the premise of this book as I was experiencing my own blocked care scenario with my toddler and it seemed to promise better understanding toward a solution. I got so bogged down in the introductory chapters on the physical composition and mental functioning of the brain that in the months it took me to get to the interesting part of the book, my toddler had grown out of the tantrumy phase without any changes on my part. I liked the example dialogues best about this book and the brain explanations the least. The dialogues taught me how to communicate in a way that is empathetic, non-judgmental and guides my child to his own conclusion that his behavior was incorrect and how to make amends.

I found a lot of the same information in The Reflective Parent: How to Do Less and Relate More with Your Kids, but in a more readable format.

[Adeline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really eye opening in giving insights to the importance of the good brain health in parenting. A mature, healthy brain is critical in the process of parenting. Recommended for parents, caregivers and therapists!

[Lisa Bean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great content, but very technical. Felt like it was written for a doctor or psychologist audience.

[Abigail Bee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This took me sooo long to read because I kept putting it down and losing myself in fiction. My goal was to finish it before 2024, and look at that, I've (just) made it!
Now that I've spent the past week exclusively reading this book, I have no idea why it took me so long. This nonfiction is fascinating. I have learned so much about parent-child connections and how our brains "talk" and influence each other. Most notably, I've learned that I need to get more sleep (my main source of stress) and learn to meditate (2024 goal!). I'll definitely be returning to this book at least once a year to refresh its good lessons:)

[0vai5 · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a decent book with a good dose of repeated content. Although I find the details presented about functioning of our brain intresting but unnecessary, and the key ideas of the book can be presented without going into it. Authors themselves used little of it in the later part of the book.

[m j houghton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book

A lot to take in so I plan to read it again before too long. Especially good for adopted or fostered children

[Julian · Rating 5 out of 5]

A joyful, rewarding and practical book to read, both from the perspective of a psychotherapist and that of a parent. I only just noticed that I used words in that opening sentence which illustrate their authors' accurate and succinct summary of the 5 dimensions of parenting: approach rather than avoidance, parental joy and reward, parental meaning making, parental child reading and seeing the world from their perspective, and the practical aide to parenting: parental executive functioning.
For the scientist, there is a clear description of the dyadic ( ire co regulation of BOTH the parents and the child's brain) brain mechanisms operating in synchrony when parenting is done within a secure attachment framework, or what Stephen Porges would term the social engagement system,The frontal cortices, limbic structures, Insula, anterior cingulate, mirror and von economo NEURONS all get a mention.
Even more importantly, through case examples punctuated through the book at regular intervals, we see how this information can be made readily accessible to parents and the general public alike, in the service of reducing any defensive shame, anger and other averse emotions that may result in 'blocked parental care'
This is certainly a book I will be referring to over and over again as a father and as a clinician.
Five stars!

[Kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I am not a parent nor a therapist (nor do I care to be one), I read this book based off of a recommendation because of my fascination with how the mind works. The information was insightful and interesting. I am thankful for the few psychology classes I had took years ago as this is very neuroscience heavy (as the title obviously expresses). Although, admittedly, some information was more difficult to grasp, overall this book is a great read for anyone who is interested in learning more about how one's brain effects and can be affected by child rearing. Not only does it give a glimpse at how your own childhood has shaped you (and your possible care-giving), but it also looks at how you can take control and consciously work on improving your relationship with your child through neuroscience.

[suzbug3 suzbug3 · Rating 3 out of 5]

While key concepts are articulated here, the authors would have benefited from an editor. While intended for parents as well as mental health professionals, the writing is dense and the book is far from accessible. Worth reading if you are willing to overlook the writing to learn some of the core concepts.

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even if you are not a parent [as I'm not], this book is helpful in learning about how you function in relation to other people when it comes to what is going on in your brain. A book I will certainly pick up again when the kids start coming.

[Kelly Reinhart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great, informative book! Great source for both parents and therapists. The neuroscience behind parenting is explained in a way that's understandable to those outside the field, and vignettes give examples for dialogue between therapist and parent and parent and child.