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Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep?
Does your child refuse to cooperate in the morning? Get into trouble for not listening? "Lose it" over seemingly insignificant issues? Seem to resist sleep? Are you tired? Really tired? An estimated 70 million American infants, children, and teens are sleep deprived. Could your child be one of them? Studies have shown that sleep deficits can contribute to hyperactivity, distraction, forgetfulness, learning problems, illness, accidents, and disruptive behaviors. Yet despite overwhelming scientific evidence, the connection between children's sleep habits and their behavioral and health problems has remained, until now, largely unrecognized. In this warm and practical guide, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka shows you how Sleepless in America offers weary and frustrated parents a helping hand and an exciting new approach to managing challenging behaviors. With her characteristic enthusiasm, pragmatism, and extensive experience as a teacher and parent educator, Kurcinka explains that often what our misbehaving kids really need is not more "consequences" or more medication, but more sleep. Integrating research on stress, sleep, and temperament with practical strategies and a five-step approach, Sleepless in America enables parents to help their "tired and wired" children get the sleep they so desperately need. When we choose sleep, we choose a happier, healthier, and more successful life for our families. With Sleepless in America , Mary Sheedy Kurcinka helps us make that choice.
Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
47 people are currently reading
390 people want to read
About the author
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
13 books46 followersMary Sheedy Kurcinka is a best-selling author and internationally recognized lecturer and parent educator. Her books Raising Your Spirited Child, Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook; Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles; and Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep have been translated into ten languages.
As director of parentchildhelp.com, Mary provides training nationally and internationally for families and professionals, including medical personnel, educators, and social service providers who serve families. Licensed as a parent educator and early childhood teacher, she has pioneered efforts to bring topics such as temperament, neurobiology, the importance of sleep, and emotion coaching into homes, schools, medical practices, and businesses. She is as comfortable as a keynote speaker for major professional conferences as she is working one on one with families in their homes or teachers in their classrooms.
Known for her real-life examples, Mary links research-based information with typical challenging behaviors and provides practical solutions that really work. Her presentations have helped hundreds of thousands of parents and professionals to understand children better, and themselves as well.
Born on a third-generation dairy farm, Mary lives with her husband in St. Paul, Minnesota. She is the proud mother of one son and one daughter — now adults with whom she loves to spend time.
As director of parentchildhelp.com, Mary provides training nationally and internationally for families and professionals, including medical personnel, educators, and social service providers who serve families. Licensed as a parent educator and early childhood teacher, she has pioneered efforts to bring topics such as temperament, neurobiology, the importance of sleep, and emotion coaching into homes, schools, medical practices, and businesses. She is as comfortable as a keynote speaker for major professional conferences as she is working one on one with families in their homes or teachers in their classrooms.
Known for her real-life examples, Mary links research-based information with typical challenging behaviors and provides practical solutions that really work. Her presentations have helped hundreds of thousands of parents and professionals to understand children better, and themselves as well.
Born on a third-generation dairy farm, Mary lives with her husband in St. Paul, Minnesota. She is the proud mother of one son and one daughter — now adults with whom she loves to spend time.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
November 29, 2010
Let me get the SINGLE negative about this book out of the way up front: it is titled and marketed too narrowly. Sleepless in America is NOT about just children and their sleep habits. It is about how to get yourself, your spouse, your baby/toddler/preschooler/schoolkid/teenager, EVERYONE to sleep in a kinder, easier, gentler, more loving way.
People with kids get a lot of advice about sleep. I've seen conjecture that because of the Back to Sleep campaign, babies sleep worse these days - which has turned "how is she sleeping?" into our generation's version of our parents' "is she potty trained yet?" People also tend to think that their way is the only way, hence they will push anything that works for them from leaving babies to cry to cosleeping. Have you ever had a pediatrician tell you to "put the baby down when drowsy but awake?" Have you ever had a baby who didn't then jolt awake screaming angrily? I haven't. If you have, I hope you enjoyed it! Experts tend to write books that push their own agenda as well, so some pediatricians write books bout leaving babies to cry and how that is the only way to have a healthy child. Some write books about magic quick fixes like swaddling, controlled crying, crib sleeping, cosleeping, etc. Some write books advocating lengthy sleep logs and attention to detail, which seems a bit ludicrous to me as people reading a book on sleep issues probably aren't getting enough sleep be at all detail-oriented. The No-Cry Sleep Solution was a great example of that - one I WANTED to love, I TRIED to love it, I just failed at it because when you are that sleep-deprived, you can't do what books seem to think you can.
Sleepless in America is the book I wanted that book to be. It explains why you, your spouse, your baby/toddler/child can't sleep. It gives the reasons that most of the sleep advice out there is actually harmful, what is harmful for some children but beneficial for others, what is perpetuated out of habit and custom instead of actual human need, then gives you easy, gentle solutions for adults and children of every age group. These solutions aren't quick fixes. There's no "three nights of crying then she slept through the night!" answer here. But they are easy, kind, loving, and help you treat yourself or your child as a human being worth of respect, closeness, calmness, and love even at night.
If I had read this book when my 4 year old was around 9 months, I don't think I would have ended up doing anything different. I would, however, have felt better and less confused and rudderless about what I ended up doing. I also may have been able to implement some ideas earlier and had to do less experimentation.
This book is the best book I have ever read on sleep (and I've read a lot of them!). It is kind, understanding, loving, and allows you to take what you want and leave the rest. Everyone should buy it.
People with kids get a lot of advice about sleep. I've seen conjecture that because of the Back to Sleep campaign, babies sleep worse these days - which has turned "how is she sleeping?" into our generation's version of our parents' "is she potty trained yet?" People also tend to think that their way is the only way, hence they will push anything that works for them from leaving babies to cry to cosleeping. Have you ever had a pediatrician tell you to "put the baby down when drowsy but awake?" Have you ever had a baby who didn't then jolt awake screaming angrily? I haven't. If you have, I hope you enjoyed it! Experts tend to write books that push their own agenda as well, so some pediatricians write books bout leaving babies to cry and how that is the only way to have a healthy child. Some write books about magic quick fixes like swaddling, controlled crying, crib sleeping, cosleeping, etc. Some write books advocating lengthy sleep logs and attention to detail, which seems a bit ludicrous to me as people reading a book on sleep issues probably aren't getting enough sleep be at all detail-oriented. The No-Cry Sleep Solution was a great example of that - one I WANTED to love, I TRIED to love it, I just failed at it because when you are that sleep-deprived, you can't do what books seem to think you can.
Sleepless in America is the book I wanted that book to be. It explains why you, your spouse, your baby/toddler/child can't sleep. It gives the reasons that most of the sleep advice out there is actually harmful, what is harmful for some children but beneficial for others, what is perpetuated out of habit and custom instead of actual human need, then gives you easy, gentle solutions for adults and children of every age group. These solutions aren't quick fixes. There's no "three nights of crying then she slept through the night!" answer here. But they are easy, kind, loving, and help you treat yourself or your child as a human being worth of respect, closeness, calmness, and love even at night.
If I had read this book when my 4 year old was around 9 months, I don't think I would have ended up doing anything different. I would, however, have felt better and less confused and rudderless about what I ended up doing. I also may have been able to implement some ideas earlier and had to do less experimentation.
This book is the best book I have ever read on sleep (and I've read a lot of them!). It is kind, understanding, loving, and allows you to take what you want and leave the rest. Everyone should buy it.
January 27, 2009
The Body
Your child’s body is also impacted as the tension and fatigue arise. Movements become jerky, frenzied, and often impulsive.
How well is your child able to control her body? Are her movements smooth and energetic, or is your child “wired” and unable to stop? To determine if your child’s behaviors may be caused by sleep deprivation, look for the following reactions:
- Clumsy, experiences frequent accidents, falls and injuries
- Frenzied, hyperactivity
- Wild at bedtime, can’t fall asleep – even when tired
- Hits, throws things, or shouts
- Has to be awakened in the morning
- Gets sick more frequently than other kids
- Craves carbohydrates or sugar
- Is lethargic; can’t seem to do what he is usually capable of doing
- Seems unable to stop from breaking the rules
Self-restraint takes energy. Tired, tense kids don’t have the stamina to control themselves.
Page 22
Another benefit of sleep is greater independence. Children who are well rested are more likely to experience calm energy. IN a state of calm energy, all systems are in balance, allowing them to stay engaged in the task at hand. They don’t’ need your assistance or energy to keep them awake and on task.
If your child is struggling to stay focused and pay attention, it’s important to recognize that sleep – or lack of it – may be the real culprit.
Page 25
How well are you able to concentrate and to perform? Are you easily distracted? When you are missing sleep, you will find yourself more likely to:
- Feel as though you are in a fog
- Mix up words
- Forget things
- Make a list and then lose it
- Perform poorly – especially on things that require quick thinking or action
- Miss “cues” from your children and others
- Miss your exit on the freeway
- Have difficulty making decisions or thinking things through
- Find it impossible to be creative
Page 34
Lay one child down, and he may cry for a few minutes. A mad cry, as though to say, “This is hard work! I don’t like it. I don’t want to rest,” but in less than five minutes, he falls blissfully asleep. As his parent, you realize that a bit of fussing was just what he needed to release the tension from his body and that he will now sleep well.
Lay another child down, and he screams as though he’s pleading, “Help me, please help me. I can’t stop!” And, indeed, he can’t. His heart racing, eyes wild, hair mussed, he is unable to bring his body back into balance and calm himself. If left unattended, he will cry for hours, overwhelmed by the rush of stress hormones in his body. He cannot stop until someone helps him, not because he’s trying to be manipulative but because of the tension and level of arousal in his body. Or, if he does finally “crash,” as a parent, you are left wondering … does he fall in exhaustion or despair?
Page47
By identifying the “window,” you get Mother Nature on your side, helping to move your child towards sleep.
…
Sometimes, despite your best efforts or intentions, you may miss your child’s “window.” You’ll know it, because he will move into overtired behaviors. ... When your child is crying, has gone into a frenzy of activity, becomes aggressive or silly, starts talking back, has over-the-top reactions, or can’t be satisfied no matter what you do, he’s moved past his “window.” Or, if he’s shrieking and streaking through the house, becoming more and more hyper, a second burst of energy has grabbed him and propelled him on into the night. If this is the case, not the time and move your goal sleep time fifteen minutes earlier the next night. Continue doing so each day until you catch the “window” and she falls asleep easily.
Page 133
Effective strategies for manging intestity
Do not leave this child to cry
The advise to teach the intense child to calm himself by letting him cry does NOT work. Because of his physiological makeup, he has great difficulty calming himself, and can cry for hours, vomiting as his distress increases. This is not intentional or manipulative behavior on his part. He simply can’t do it – yet. You can expect that this child, who needs to learn how to soothe himself and to fall asleep on his own, will require a much more exteneded process of breaking down the skills into tiny, manageable steps that don’t overwhelm his abilty to cope. He’ll get there, but it won’t be quickly, and it will take more effort on your part.
- Provide touch
- Protect the pace of his life
- Allow time to unwind
Pages 150-2
Place two four-month-old infants together in a room, then sound a loud bell. Odds are that one may not react at all or merely look in the direction of the sound. The other one, however, may startle, her eyes flying wide open, arms thrashing in the air before she bursts into tears. These are not learned response. They are physiological responses. Some children, by their very nature, find it easier to block stimuli than others. That’s why one child can fall asleep amid the noise of a birthday party, while another child awakens when someone merely tiptoes past her bedroom door. It takes much less stimulation for the highly sensitive child to feel agitated, increase her activity, or burst into tears. That’s why she awakens when her diaper is wet, she’s slightly hungry, or is feeling a bit lonely.
If your child falls into the 4 or 5 range on the sensitivity scale, you can predict that she will need you to protect her from overstimulation and to help her create a sleeping environment that feels right.
Page 153
After forty-five minutes to an hour, if your child has not fallen asleep, siesta time is finished. At Paidea Child Development Center, one-third of the kindergarten students nap during siesta, and in the four-year-old program, over three-quarters do.
Page 232
Consider moving siblings in together The experience of sleeping alone in a bed, in one’s own room, is very much limited to Western culture. It is a luxury rarely enjoyed or, for that matter, desired by many cultures of the world. In many societies, children are never expected to sleep alone. They simply move from their parents’ bed to one shared with their siblings.
Page 306
Something mysteriously wonderful happens as you and your child truly get the sleep you need. Life becomes a hot-fudge sundae, sweet, delicious, and irresistible. Sound sleep catapults you into the day ready to consume every last ounce of it. You are powerful, enticing, smart and capable when drenched in sleep. Happiness glow in your eyes and skin. It resounds in your laughter, deep and infectious.
Your children respond accordingly. Everything is easier; they listen and cooperate, and actually seem to enjoy one another’s company. Surprises are exciting instead of daunting. And, sometimes, they even offer to help without being asked.
A good night’s sleep has a power of its own. It allows you to truly discover the delight of living in a world that never stops – yet is enjoyed most – when you do. Choose sleep!
Page 316
Your child’s body is also impacted as the tension and fatigue arise. Movements become jerky, frenzied, and often impulsive.
How well is your child able to control her body? Are her movements smooth and energetic, or is your child “wired” and unable to stop? To determine if your child’s behaviors may be caused by sleep deprivation, look for the following reactions:
- Clumsy, experiences frequent accidents, falls and injuries
- Frenzied, hyperactivity
- Wild at bedtime, can’t fall asleep – even when tired
- Hits, throws things, or shouts
- Has to be awakened in the morning
- Gets sick more frequently than other kids
- Craves carbohydrates or sugar
- Is lethargic; can’t seem to do what he is usually capable of doing
- Seems unable to stop from breaking the rules
Self-restraint takes energy. Tired, tense kids don’t have the stamina to control themselves.
Page 22
Another benefit of sleep is greater independence. Children who are well rested are more likely to experience calm energy. IN a state of calm energy, all systems are in balance, allowing them to stay engaged in the task at hand. They don’t’ need your assistance or energy to keep them awake and on task.
If your child is struggling to stay focused and pay attention, it’s important to recognize that sleep – or lack of it – may be the real culprit.
Page 25
How well are you able to concentrate and to perform? Are you easily distracted? When you are missing sleep, you will find yourself more likely to:
- Feel as though you are in a fog
- Mix up words
- Forget things
- Make a list and then lose it
- Perform poorly – especially on things that require quick thinking or action
- Miss “cues” from your children and others
- Miss your exit on the freeway
- Have difficulty making decisions or thinking things through
- Find it impossible to be creative
Page 34
Lay one child down, and he may cry for a few minutes. A mad cry, as though to say, “This is hard work! I don’t like it. I don’t want to rest,” but in less than five minutes, he falls blissfully asleep. As his parent, you realize that a bit of fussing was just what he needed to release the tension from his body and that he will now sleep well.
Lay another child down, and he screams as though he’s pleading, “Help me, please help me. I can’t stop!” And, indeed, he can’t. His heart racing, eyes wild, hair mussed, he is unable to bring his body back into balance and calm himself. If left unattended, he will cry for hours, overwhelmed by the rush of stress hormones in his body. He cannot stop until someone helps him, not because he’s trying to be manipulative but because of the tension and level of arousal in his body. Or, if he does finally “crash,” as a parent, you are left wondering … does he fall in exhaustion or despair?
Page47
By identifying the “window,” you get Mother Nature on your side, helping to move your child towards sleep.
…
Sometimes, despite your best efforts or intentions, you may miss your child’s “window.” You’ll know it, because he will move into overtired behaviors. ... When your child is crying, has gone into a frenzy of activity, becomes aggressive or silly, starts talking back, has over-the-top reactions, or can’t be satisfied no matter what you do, he’s moved past his “window.” Or, if he’s shrieking and streaking through the house, becoming more and more hyper, a second burst of energy has grabbed him and propelled him on into the night. If this is the case, not the time and move your goal sleep time fifteen minutes earlier the next night. Continue doing so each day until you catch the “window” and she falls asleep easily.
Page 133
Effective strategies for manging intestity
Do not leave this child to cry
The advise to teach the intense child to calm himself by letting him cry does NOT work. Because of his physiological makeup, he has great difficulty calming himself, and can cry for hours, vomiting as his distress increases. This is not intentional or manipulative behavior on his part. He simply can’t do it – yet. You can expect that this child, who needs to learn how to soothe himself and to fall asleep on his own, will require a much more exteneded process of breaking down the skills into tiny, manageable steps that don’t overwhelm his abilty to cope. He’ll get there, but it won’t be quickly, and it will take more effort on your part.
- Provide touch
- Protect the pace of his life
- Allow time to unwind
Pages 150-2
Place two four-month-old infants together in a room, then sound a loud bell. Odds are that one may not react at all or merely look in the direction of the sound. The other one, however, may startle, her eyes flying wide open, arms thrashing in the air before she bursts into tears. These are not learned response. They are physiological responses. Some children, by their very nature, find it easier to block stimuli than others. That’s why one child can fall asleep amid the noise of a birthday party, while another child awakens when someone merely tiptoes past her bedroom door. It takes much less stimulation for the highly sensitive child to feel agitated, increase her activity, or burst into tears. That’s why she awakens when her diaper is wet, she’s slightly hungry, or is feeling a bit lonely.
If your child falls into the 4 or 5 range on the sensitivity scale, you can predict that she will need you to protect her from overstimulation and to help her create a sleeping environment that feels right.
Page 153
After forty-five minutes to an hour, if your child has not fallen asleep, siesta time is finished. At Paidea Child Development Center, one-third of the kindergarten students nap during siesta, and in the four-year-old program, over three-quarters do.
Page 232
Consider moving siblings in together The experience of sleeping alone in a bed, in one’s own room, is very much limited to Western culture. It is a luxury rarely enjoyed or, for that matter, desired by many cultures of the world. In many societies, children are never expected to sleep alone. They simply move from their parents’ bed to one shared with their siblings.
Page 306
Something mysteriously wonderful happens as you and your child truly get the sleep you need. Life becomes a hot-fudge sundae, sweet, delicious, and irresistible. Sound sleep catapults you into the day ready to consume every last ounce of it. You are powerful, enticing, smart and capable when drenched in sleep. Happiness glow in your eyes and skin. It resounds in your laughter, deep and infectious.
Your children respond accordingly. Everything is easier; they listen and cooperate, and actually seem to enjoy one another’s company. Surprises are exciting instead of daunting. And, sometimes, they even offer to help without being asked.
A good night’s sleep has a power of its own. It allows you to truly discover the delight of living in a world that never stops – yet is enjoyed most – when you do. Choose sleep!
Page 316
February 19, 2025
I am a big fan of good sleep practices, and I really enjoyed her previous book about spirited children. Thus, I picked up this book. I'm definitely an advocate of providing my children the best possible sleep outcomes if possible. Many times this takes away fun or there are missed opportunities in other people's minds (especially when visiting family or traveling), but I feel the benefit of sleep outweighs the missed opportunity in most cases. Or if I do let my kids stay up for an occasion, I know mentally I will have to prepare for tired cranky children later. Which is why most times I would rather not deal with cranky tired children because they are happier in the long run, even if they missed out with something fun that was late at night.
In this book specifically, I liked learning about children's tired cues. I did not realize when Emily acts like a 2-year-old and wants my help because she cannot do any of the nightly independent routines she is done for years (get her jammies on and brush her teeth) it is because she's tired. I need to do better at having more sympathy during those times instead of demanding that she do it herself.
I also liked learning about how important it is to have wind down time before bed and how screens/exercise/environmental stimulation will make it impossible for them to go to bed at their regular time. I feel this is especially important when their routines are out of sync, like when we're out of town or we have some event right before bedtime.
She talks about sleep in all ages of children from infants to 8+. I would recommend this book if you feel like your child is struggling with sleep in some aspect.
I also really loved that she advocates naps in any age of children. And that goes for adults too! It's amazing the benefits that a nap can provide. I have definitely seen it in my own life.
Sleep is so healthy and important! The end.
In this book specifically, I liked learning about children's tired cues. I did not realize when Emily acts like a 2-year-old and wants my help because she cannot do any of the nightly independent routines she is done for years (get her jammies on and brush her teeth) it is because she's tired. I need to do better at having more sympathy during those times instead of demanding that she do it herself.
I also liked learning about how important it is to have wind down time before bed and how screens/exercise/environmental stimulation will make it impossible for them to go to bed at their regular time. I feel this is especially important when their routines are out of sync, like when we're out of town or we have some event right before bedtime.
She talks about sleep in all ages of children from infants to 8+. I would recommend this book if you feel like your child is struggling with sleep in some aspect.
I also really loved that she advocates naps in any age of children. And that goes for adults too! It's amazing the benefits that a nap can provide. I have definitely seen it in my own life.
Sleep is so healthy and important! The end.
March 15, 2020
This was a great read. Very down-to-earth, informative, and practical. The author was very realistic with what to expect and I love how she had general suggestions for each type of child in each category. I would recommend this to other parents.
January 30, 2010
I read this book as a resource for work and really loved it. So many families struggle with sleep, and this book gave me some really useful tools and strategies to share with parents. The author looks at the (often unrecognized) link between lack of sleep and misbehavior and talks about what keeps children from sleeping: tension/stress, the body clock, and temperament. Chapters on night waking, naps, travel and holidays, and changing beds/rooms are also included. I appreciated the author's responsive and nurturing approach and her emphasis on finding what works for one's own family vs. worrying about what everyone else is doing and saying. The book started to feel a bit repetitive towards the end and could have been shorter, but the information is very valuable, and I will definitely use it and recommend it to others.
August 4, 2008
It's so true what a little sleep can do! Recommendations are that a preschooler is supposed to be getting 12 hours of sleep a night and a toddler 13! Children under the age of five should all be napping. I really liked how the author included tips for children who were slow to adapt, sensitive, or highly active. In our highly stressed world of going from activity to activity it was nice to hear that slowing down actually increases our productivity! A great reminder for those of us with kids.
July 3, 2012
A very good read! At some point I got so excited by it, my 'bubbles were all up'! ;) Most of the tips are for older kids than my seven-month-old, but it was still interesting for the future, and even for me. It did make me want to set a more firm routine (instead of "going with what baby seems to want", which often meant ending up with an overtired baby who slept only thirty minutes and does not want to go to sleep), and I'm also going to try getting outside exercise in the mornings. Here's to hoping...
July 27, 2016
Even if none of the suggestions in this book work for my child, it's still a 5 star book because it made me feel ok about not wanting to let my child cry it out, it made me feel ok that my child is different than other children, and it never once tried to give a one-size-fits-all suggestion. This book says it's ok to learn and improve as you go and you're not a terrible parent because such and such method didn't work when you tried it (you must have done it wrong because it works for every other parent in the entire world).
September 15, 2009
Of course, I always look for them to tell me exactly what to do with my children and they never seem to. But I do like her philosophies. Doesn't seem to be helping much with my daughter who takes forever to go to sleep at night.
July 10, 2009
A LIFESAVER!!!
September 11, 2018
This book is a good option if you're looking for a gentler method and understanding of how to teach a child (or infant) to sleep alone. It promotes patience and communication as well as citing research in the field of sleep and child development to help figure out how to construct your family's wake and sleep schedule to help your child have the greatest success in learning to sleep independently and sleep well. The advice in this book can be used from children as young as infants to as old as teenagers.
The downside? In some ways it felt repetitive in its chapters, constantly referring back to "checking your child's schedule" and seeing if anything is amiss, etc. The reminders are understandable, but it felt to permeate the entire book and probably could have been either omitted or made more succinct, thus making the book shorter.
The downside? In some ways it felt repetitive in its chapters, constantly referring back to "checking your child's schedule" and seeing if anything is amiss, etc. The reminders are understandable, but it felt to permeate the entire book and probably could have been either omitted or made more succinct, thus making the book shorter.
March 15, 2022
I like this author's books because she describes children more similar to my older child than I have found elsewhere. In many ways this book describes the necessity of good sleep and good planning for getting that sleep than it does a practical how-to guide. Her general principles of routine and creating a sense of safety make good sense. And I appreciate her flexibility -- her main aim is for everyone in the family to get good sleep. I learned a few good tips to try even though I had stumbled on to her main ideas on my own. Despite this, I really appreciated this book since it described the problems that we have faced and gave us permission to solve them in the ways that we did. It was validating.
July 5, 2024
Sleepless in America is written as a help for parents with children who are struggling as sleepers but it serves as a guide for all of us to get plenty of sleep and have a better attitude and more understanding of our family structure and living with each other. It also provides educators with an understanding of why some children seem more ‘wired’ than others - it may just be an overtired child.
April 13, 2018
4.5 stars. This book has helped us so much getting a handle on sleep.
June 11, 2020
Very helpful and validating if standard sleep advice has not helped.
May 20, 2009
I did like this book. Kurcinka has clearly done her research on sleep. I liked reading about circadian rythm, how a person's/child's personality impacts sleep, and how different environmental factors impact sleep.
I do feel like I am walking away from this book with a better knowledge of sleep and how to help my daughter get the sleep she needs.
I also liked that she helps parents approach the process of getting their child to sleep in a gentle and sensitive manner. You aren't left feeling like you are coddling your child if you help them into sleep. You are not told to leave your child crying desperately for you.
Kurcinka really does a great job of helping you to see the problem of sleep from your child's eyes and reminding you that they are a little person just like you.
That said, there were some negatives to the book.
Kurcinka claims that we should take what works for our family and throw out the rest.
However, her entire strategy seems to revolve around a schedule. I know that I am not alone in being the parent of a child that refuses to have perfect and predictable schedule. There has to be some other way to get your child to have good sleep.
So I guess I'm left with taking her advice and holding onto the tips that will usher my child gently into sleep and tossing the doesn't-work-no-matter-how-hard-I-try schedule out the window.
I do feel like I am walking away from this book with a better knowledge of sleep and how to help my daughter get the sleep she needs.
I also liked that she helps parents approach the process of getting their child to sleep in a gentle and sensitive manner. You aren't left feeling like you are coddling your child if you help them into sleep. You are not told to leave your child crying desperately for you.
Kurcinka really does a great job of helping you to see the problem of sleep from your child's eyes and reminding you that they are a little person just like you.
That said, there were some negatives to the book.
Kurcinka claims that we should take what works for our family and throw out the rest.
However, her entire strategy seems to revolve around a schedule. I know that I am not alone in being the parent of a child that refuses to have perfect and predictable schedule. There has to be some other way to get your child to have good sleep.
So I guess I'm left with taking her advice and holding onto the tips that will usher my child gently into sleep and tossing the doesn't-work-no-matter-how-hard-I-try schedule out the window.
March 30, 2011
Probably the best book I have read on sleeping, and at this point, I have read quite a number. It isn't like your other typical sleep books--it doesn't fall into one specific sleep camp (i.e. cry it out, don't cry it out.) Also, it isn't directed towards infants. Rather she takes a whole family approach--how to get your family (all of your kids regardless of age) to sleep better.
The most illuminating and life-changing aspect of this book was the discussion of temperament and how that will influence your child's ability to get ready to sleep. She looks at intensity, sensitivity, adaptability, energy level, and regularity of body rhythms. Depending on where you child lies on each spectrum, he might be more challenged in switching his clock to sleep. I felt like she was describing my child, especially when she says, "The advice to teach the intense child to calm himself by letting him cry does NOT work. Because of his physiological makeup, he has great difficulty calming himself, and can cry for hours, vomiting as his distress increases." YES!
Will probably have to purchase this book to have as a reference.
The most illuminating and life-changing aspect of this book was the discussion of temperament and how that will influence your child's ability to get ready to sleep. She looks at intensity, sensitivity, adaptability, energy level, and regularity of body rhythms. Depending on where you child lies on each spectrum, he might be more challenged in switching his clock to sleep. I felt like she was describing my child, especially when she says, "The advice to teach the intense child to calm himself by letting him cry does NOT work. Because of his physiological makeup, he has great difficulty calming himself, and can cry for hours, vomiting as his distress increases." YES!
Will probably have to purchase this book to have as a reference.
October 8, 2013
This is by far the best sleep book I've read. It's not perfect** but what sleep book could be, really? I particularly like the author's emphasis on understanding your child's personality as it relates to ease or difficulty in sleeping. We'd put some of what she recommends into practice already (particularly related to setting the body clock) and it's been helpful to us. We're seeing far fewer tantrums from Ellie now that we've figured out a way to get her to take a short nap every afternoon.
**I didn't totally agree with her approach to infants, in that I really don't think it's such a bad thing if you nurse or rock your baby to sleep rather than laying him/her down while still awake. For one thing, since we don't have a crib, if I lay Mark down when he's still awake, he just crawls off to come get me! I think that's more of a personal decision and it's OK to nurse your babies to sleep if that's what works for you! But for older kids, I found this super helpful.
I think this book would be helpful to any parent who struggles with helping their kids sleep enough.
Thanks so much for recommending this to me, Tory!
**I didn't totally agree with her approach to infants, in that I really don't think it's such a bad thing if you nurse or rock your baby to sleep rather than laying him/her down while still awake. For one thing, since we don't have a crib, if I lay Mark down when he's still awake, he just crawls off to come get me! I think that's more of a personal decision and it's OK to nurse your babies to sleep if that's what works for you! But for older kids, I found this super helpful.
I think this book would be helpful to any parent who struggles with helping their kids sleep enough.
Thanks so much for recommending this to me, Tory!
August 13, 2012
This book is a must read for parents of infants through teenagers. Kurcinka shares the latest sleep research and how sleep affects children while offering practical strategies for helping children get optimal sleep. This is not a one size fits all approach; rather, Kurcinka places great emphasis on observing one's own child to understand his temperament and sleep needs and then gently nudging him to a better sleep given the needs of the family. Thus, she offers a family-centered approach to meeting children's sleep needs, so this book is equally valuable to small and large families. Underlying her sleep suggestions is a parental philosophy of mutual love, respect, and connection, one that meshes very well with my own. This book would be a great addition to one's parenting library and is in my opinion THE BEST sleep book I've read to date and as the parent of young children I've read a few by now.
October 26, 2012
If you often feel like your child has behavioral issues that can't be diagnosed, maybe they are just not getting enough sleep at night. This book talks about the importance of sleep in having a good day and how we mess it up for our kids when we don't stick to routines.
My daughter always had issues, and even with a consistent bedtime routine is so wound up at night that she just can't get to sleep for 90 minutes or more every night. It took one of her doctors at Children National Medical Center to prescribe her a low dose of melatonin, which she apparently doesn't make enough of on her own. Now she gets to sleep easily and has been better able to deal with all the frustrations during her days that go along with being her.
No discipline, drug therapy or other interventions can make up for just getting a good night sleep.
My daughter always had issues, and even with a consistent bedtime routine is so wound up at night that she just can't get to sleep for 90 minutes or more every night. It took one of her doctors at Children National Medical Center to prescribe her a low dose of melatonin, which she apparently doesn't make enough of on her own. Now she gets to sleep easily and has been better able to deal with all the frustrations during her days that go along with being her.
No discipline, drug therapy or other interventions can make up for just getting a good night sleep.
August 16, 2012
In our culture - or at least in my family - we really do think less about sleep than we should. This book gave me the permission to refocus on my kids' sleep needs, firmly commit to their bedtime, and resist the urge to rush through the motions of their bedtime routine when we're short on time. It made me stop and think about how for the kids, sleep is not so much a function of whether they're tired as it is a function of whether they're able to relax enough to go to sleep - are my actions at bedtime promoting a relaxing atmosphere or not? It also made me more patient with my kids at bedtime.
I give it 4 stars instead of 5 because the author was fond of using cringe-worthy phrases like "sunshine packaged in rays of love," and because I don't share the attachment parenting philosophy she used as a framework to write this book.
I give it 4 stars instead of 5 because the author was fond of using cringe-worthy phrases like "sunshine packaged in rays of love," and because I don't share the attachment parenting philosophy she used as a framework to write this book.
November 7, 2009
This book is great. Love the author's humane ideas on kindness and sleep training and the comparison to caring for the elderly. I'm all for thoughtful, kind parenthood. I learned some things while reading through it. For instance, I picked up some signs of sleep deprivation in a child and realized that our son that I had recently released from napping had started to exhibit some of them (poor behavior, twitching eye spasms...etc.) and because of this information I wisely put him back into a napping pattern and saw the issues clear up. I think that there is more I could learn if I had the book on hand for ready reference. Am considering purchasing it just for that purpose and also so that I can read through it with my husband who has begun sharing nighttime parenting with me.
December 9, 2012
I read this in preparation for a parent book club, and though I'm not a parent of a child I need to get to sleep, I found a lot to relate to. There's good advice in this book for adults who want to get a good night's sleep on a regular basis, as well as for parents trying to help their children sleep. Because the author classifies children into types and then gives type-specific advice, this is a book that a parent could read through fairly quickly. As a "morning lark" herself, Kurcinka seems somewhat less than fully sympathetic to us "night owls," but since young children seem to be more larks than owls, that bias works in this context. I have a few things to try -- did you know that research shows a nightly bath to be more effective at inducing sleep than pharmaceuticals?
August 16, 2011
I love this book. It makes me feel like a competent parent. With all of the sleeping advice books out there it's easy to feel that if you don't follow their advice, even if it goes against your instincts, you are*ruining your child FOREVER.* Kurcinka recommends gentle, caring tactics to help your child relax into sleep, knowing they are loved and secure. She also notes that every child is different, and some children are just wired to have a harder time easing into sleep than others (ding ding ding! That's my baby!) -- and it's not your fault! It's long-term advice, so don't expect a quick fix.
November 22, 2008
The best of the bunch. I keep going back to this one as we continue to modify our approach to bedtime and night wakings. Although all the sleep books claim to be unique in looking for an alternative to "crying it out," they all seem to have basically the same advice and basic sleep science background information. But this one does the best job of balancing scientific basis with practical exercises. It is also the only one that assumes the reader has a child who is genuinely not getting enough sleep, and not that the parent is suffering from unrealistic expectations.
August 12, 2010
This book is a must-read for anyone wanting more ideas and general information about sleep and children. It's not a book about infant sleep, but is great for anyone with a one-year-old and up. I swear, I fixed some of Lily's current sleep weirdnesses within days with some of the ideas I read here. AND, this book doesn't rely on the whole rhetoric of guilt and terror that much of the dreaded psycho "sleep-training" literature out there does. Instead, this book feels really healthy and good about the topic of sleep for the whole family.
February 18, 2014
LOVED this book. This book changed the way I understood my kids. So often everything is tied to sleep. I changed the way I parent my kids after reading this, and 7 years later, I can say I recommend this to every new mom I know. SLEEP is crucial. Teach your kids to value sleep. To understand their behavior and emotions when they're low on sleep. Learn to nap. Can't recommend this book highly enough, even for those without kids. Read the chapter about getting enough sleep as an adult. :)
December 16, 2009
Okay, okay, okay, I can let go of the sleep thing with Damion. Even though this author says two-year-olds should be napping she does indicate that 12 hours minimum is needed for his age, and he does get that at night. Additionally, a sleep deprived child will wake during the night and we don't have that problem with Damion. Offering quite time, and he occasionally will nap...yes, Brad, I can let it go!
January 21, 2010
For parents of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, I'd probably have to recommend The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers instead. It did have a few innovative ideas, but it spends a LOT more time advocating for responsive nighttime care while I read it to look for more ideas about how to deal with my child's nighttime waking issues.
September 23, 2011
I started reading this book when my almost 4 year old started asking to sleep in his own bed. Which I am happy about but it has made falling asleep for us all a nightmare. This book has already helped me understand that he needs to feel safe and secure like he does when he cosleeps with us. I am eager to finish the book to get more ideas with helping him get a good night sleep which will hopefully then carry over to a good behavior day.
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