Project UnLonely: Healing Our Crisis of Disconnection

by Jeremy Nobel

Insight into our new world of loneliness that offers solace, hope, and solutions.

Even before 2020, chronic loneliness was a private experience of profound anguish that had become a public health crisis. Since then it has reached new heights. Loneliness assumes many forms, from enduring physical isolation to feeling rejected because of difference, and it can have devastating consequences for our physical and mental health. As the founder of Project UnLonely, Jeremy Nobel unpacks our personal and national experiences of loneliness to discover its roots and to show how we can take steps to find comfort and connection.     

Dr. Nobel brings together many voices, from pioneering researchers, to leaders in business, education, the arts, and healthcare, to lonely people of every age, background, and circumstance. He discovers that the pandemic isolated us in ways that were not only physical, and that, at its core, a true sense of loneliness results from a disconnection to the self. He clarifies how meaningful reconnection can be nourished and sustained. And he reveals that an important component of the healing process is engaging in creativity, a powerful opportunity he shows us can be accessed by all.   

Supportive and clear-eyed, this is the book we will take into our new normal and rely on for years to come.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Self Help, Audiobook, Sociology, Health

288 pages, Hardcover

Published October 3, 2023

Reviews

[Jessica Liu · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a public health researcher studying adolescent health, I highly recommend this timely book as a must read for EVERYONE to truly understand loneliness, its impacts, and the power of the creative arts. Dr. Nobel does great job of weaving together both personal aspects as well as the science behind loneliness. I appreciate that this book is really starting the conversation to help destigmatize loneliness — everyone has experienced some form of loneliness at some point, and this book really brings it all together.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Genres: Nonfiction/Sociology/Psychology

I liked the premise of this book. The author described the effects of lonliness on our society as a whole. He also described what a pervasive problem this is for all ages.

He listed things that could be helpful in alleviating the melancholy. Nothing new.....just reminders that we are a community.

That is all well and good....but overall, this was a bit of a struggle to get through. It felt a little too long. So 3 stars for the overall message.

[Tammy Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really interesting theory and information, but the book reads like a research paper. I listened to it which helped, but some more extensive, engaging (real-life) examples might have helped draw in the reader. Maybe pick a few people to actually follow through the research to hear outcomes and personal experiences. Overall it was really great to hear someone identify our increasing solitude, whether actual or imagined, mental or physical, as a societal crisis. So many jumping off points for improvements we can make.

[Alyssa Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t think many of us want to admit when we’re feeling lonely, but it is a universal feeling, and Jeremy Nobel touches on all the factors in modern society that are contributing to humans becoming lonelier on average. Interesting that he emphasizes the importance of creative pursuits in bringing people together, helping them express their feelings when words alone can’t explain the loneliness and/or isolation they may feel.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was cited in a recent Library Journal article about how libraries can help combat loneliness. And given the title of the book, I expected to find practical suggestions for community engagement for lonely people.
I was disappointed that it was much more academic than practical. The book was very enlightening about types of loneliness, health (physical and mental) effects of loneliness and problems in combatting loneliness. But there was very little practical information about overcoming loneliness. Dr. Nobel spoke quite a bit about how community art projects, classes, etc. can help. But then he also talked about how men will rarely go to those types of events without offering suggestions about ways a community could engage lonely men.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a world that's more lonely and isolated than ever, THIS book is the medicine. In it, Dr. Nobel offers reassurance to the reader that we ALL struggle with loneliness at times, and that the experience is a natural and normal one. Most importantly, he offers guidance for navigating through it, along with ideas for how we can use creative expression to connect more deeply with each other.

The book weaves together the latest research, compelling personal stories, and practical ideas in an immensely readable way. It offers comfort, humor, inspiration, and hope. It's a must- read!

[Marissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had me until he called World of Warcraft violent. Dude, have you seen other games?

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lost the plot a little but overall I don’t regret reading

[Hallie Faden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook. It was very interesting and I found he did give examples of real life. I personally liked all the research giving validity to his examples.

[Paula · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book was okay to read but I don't think he is clear about how to heal. Nobel is a primary-care physician and I think he advocates for being creative to boost your mental health. I'm not sure if that's his solution because the book doesn't seem properly structured. Some of the chapters that I don't write about cover loneliness and how aging and illness affect it. I was already aware that there were was a health cost to loneliness.

In Chapter 1 - The Loneliness Crisis on page 12 the author writes "Loneliness is defined by social psychologists as the feeling that there is a gap between the connections we would like to have with other people and what we actually experience. Loneliness is experienced as 'something missing.'"

He goes on to write on page 13 that "Loneliness is a natural biological signal, like hunger or thirst. "

In Chapter 2 - The Power of Creative Expression on page 27, the author references a 2015 study called "Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-analytic Review" which was published by Brigham Young University's Julianne Holt-Lunstad. This paper outlines the medical impact of loneliness. The study concluded that people without strong social relationships were 30% more likely to die prematurely than socially connected people, controlling for age, sex, health status, illness, and cause of death. The lack of social relationships was comparable in importance with other well established risk factors for an early demise, such as smoking, sedentary lifestyle, and obesity.

On pages 27-28 the author references FAH which is the Foundation for Art & Healing. He writes that "Sharing your story through creative expression has the power to restore your sense of self-regard, support your habits of self-care, and bring you closer to others who can lend you further support for your well-being."

On page 29 the author writes "For many lonely people, a primary source of their disconnection from others is their broken connection with their inner selves. When we feel lost to ourselves or inside ourselves, for whatever reason, making a connection with others feels fraudulent, elusive, or impossible."

In Chapter 3 - Our Loneliness Heritage on page 36 the author writes that the root course of loneliness isn't dealt with by getting a pet or joining a book group. Activities themselves are not the answer.

I may have missed it, but the author doesn't address what the root cause of loneliness is or how to treat it. He does hint that it's a disconnect from the self but never goes beyond that.

He outlines 3 other types of loneliness in this chapter and they are:
1. Psychological loneliness (page 38)
2. Societal loneliness (page 39)
3. Existential loneliness (page 41)

In Chapter 4 - Trauma the author talks about PTSD and how people with that disorder are at risk for isolation because they learn to avoid people who may trigger a flashback. On page 85 author has an image of what he calls the "Pyramid of Vulnerability for Loneliness." The bottom is "At Risk for Loneliness," followed by "Beginning to Disconnect and Isolate," and the top is "Highly Isolated."

[Richard Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loneliness is a gigantic public health problem in the United States. It starts with our culture of individualism, plus we no longer have multiple generations living under one roof, just nuclear families that often shatter in divorce and shrink when children move out. Then add the isolation of sitting in front of a screen, first televisions and now the internet. It's a recipe for trouble that could only get worse when we had two years of pandemic isolation. Many social issues are related to loneliness - deaths of despair, shooters, political polarization and others. It's comforting to find in Dr. Nobel someone whose professional life is dedicated to addressing this problem. This book describes the breadth of the problem and some of the things that we can realistically do in the culture that we live in to combat it. And I sensed a caring person in Dr. Nobel. That always counts for a lot for me.

One of the most interesting things on Dr. Nobel's list of remedies was to get lonely people engaged in the creation of art, particularly in group settings. I see his point about how art can pull people out of isolating ideation and promote social engagement. I had not thought about how art works that way before, particularly in the making of it, but even also in appreciating the art of others.

I have the good fortune of not having feelings of loneliness in my current life. I have a loving relationship with my family, friends and a job that involves a lot of social engagement. But I know that I have a tendency to isolate, and as I get older, there is a risk that I could let that tendency get the better of me, so it's important for me to keep this in my consciousness and avoid falling into that trap.

[Marsol Reyes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Project Unlonely was one of those books where it showed up at the perfect time. The book itself explains three different types of loneliness, where they stems from and things we can do, both in public health and as individuals, to help lower the impact of loneliness. Nobel focuses on how art and creativity in community has had a significant improvement both in a persons physical health, as well as mindset. Project Unlonely is the result of Nobel's work in public health. The project revolves around hosting what essentially is a weekly art club for adults, and seeing how by creating art and a space to express vulnerability allows for individuals to better manage the symptoms of their mental health, symptoms of their disabilities or disorders, as well as creating an opportunity to create community and connections to people you otherwise wouldn't have had the chance to know. My favorite chapter within the book was Modernity's divide. This chapter did a great job at addressing how loneliness has evolved over time due to technology and how it disproportionately effects marginalized people. I say that this book showed up at the perfect time since there was multiple times throughout the book where I recognized specific topics because they were topics that I had brought up and talked about with my own friends. The book was reassuring in its understanding of loneliness, as well as its encouragement for the pursuit of connection. This year I hope to host my own arts and craft nights with my friends :)

[Shreya Chitikela · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of the book was great! I was actually pleasantly surprised by this. Interesting to talk about loneliness from a medical/public health perspective. I like how he sets up the book by saying we know what to do when we are thirsty or cold. We drink water or put on a coat. But somehow our signals for feeling loneliness are suppressed by social disapproval. Whether or not you want to admit it, it is awkward to talk about how you feel lonely to people without coming across as feeling depressed. Crazy to realize why the increase in loneliness in society is so destructive that it’s a public health crisis. It can become a positive feedback loop when a lonely person, if not addressed correctly, can become less empathetic and push people even further away. Hopefully this one quote can serve as y’all’s reminder: “Be curious. Make something. Have conversations.”

The reason why this is only 3 stars was because it started feeling really gimmicky at one point and a lot of tangential stories/evidence that kind of felt like they were there just to show he had a loose point. Overall, I think it’s maybe worth a skim because it’s important to know, but by no means mind blowing stuff here.

[Div Manickam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you for the book and for everything you do with the project unlonely. This couldn't be more timely.

Our world and society is falling apart and this is the antidote to be human again.

Highlights from the book 📖

THE GIFT OF LONELINESS

Which brings us to the public health impact of loneliness. For many years now, I have sought to address loneliness both as a public health issue and as a challenge to what it means to be a happy, healthy, contributing member of society, to thrive and flourish.

I believe we must begin to include creative expression throughout the life span, if only for the pure joy of it, the same way millions continue to play sports after childhood, even though they are not professional athletes. They play because it's fun and because it's good for their physical and mental health. Millions more adults need to create and share their creations for the same reasons.



"I don't feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh.
"There, there," said Piglet. "I'll bring you tea and honey until you do." - A. A. MILNE


He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.
-FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

[Joanne Mcleod · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the author clearly details and presents in his book, we were dealing with a pandemic, affecting many peoples health and wellbeing, in the years preceding COVID. This pandemic, that continues to grow, is of loneliness and isolation. I started seeing this more clearly in my practice of medicine, especially over the last decade. A leading risk factor or comorbidity adding to the worsening impact of other illnesses and chronic diseases. But medicine was not even recognizing loneliness as a significant factor, much less helping to initiate treatment, or more importantly, prevention.

Dr. Noble’s prescription of “art as medicine” appeals to me. I too believe, curiosity and creativity can conjure much needed connection. This connection is then the real antidote for isolation and loneliness.

[Man Ha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have worked with geriatric population for both outpatient and inpatient. They both struggle with keeping up with communication, access to medications, food, and transportation. This book points out why the elderly population does not care for their health, such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. The loneliness does matter in how often they check their blood glucose and blood pressure. Another issue is the stigma from the society. The stigma is getting bigger every day. Technology is created to connect with people but goes in the opposite direction. The author points out that mental health (PTSD, trauma, depression) and LGBTQ are becoming more and more negatively trending on the internet. It was a great book pointing out some great examples of how to handle loneliness for both the young and elderly generations.

[The_J · Rating 3 out of 5]

The profound indifference of the universe to you and about you. Without a proper sense of self you will be lonely.

The best he can offer of a 6 word story about the cure for loneliness:

Be Curious
Make Something
Have Conversations

But too much of this presentation was a little Simpy. Being lonely is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. (then proffers if we can kill smoking, we can kill loneliness) Attacks Conservatives and Christians for division. Proposed that making art requires you to be present and that fires your brain.
Not terrible, but less demanding of the person being responsible for themselves.

You can be isolated but not be lonely. Either you are enough, or you aren't. End of story.

[Le Shepard - TherapyBooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Project Unlonely officially hit the shelves today. I wasn't sure what to think about a book focused on loneliness but I actually really liked it. Jeremy Nobel explains the three different kinds of loneliness, how they impact us, and some interventions to reduce it. I immediately noticed some wording I need to change with my clients. It also helped me understand why a recent hurt cut as deep as it did.

I was really surprised how prevalent loneliness is and how hard it is to talk about. As therapists, we need to understand just how deep of a pain it is so we can help our people find connection.

[Kanihilation · Rating 1 out of 5]

I will start by saying, I’m the happiest and most unlonely person in this world (thanks to my dogs). I decided to read this book for a family member who was feeling disconnected. I found, definitely not from this book, that it’s not about being lonely, it’s about thinking in a positive light. As I read through this book I kept thinking, “I disagree”. There are many ways of looking at things and I feel like this book chose to look at everything from a negative point of view. I spent the whole time shaking my head “no”. I found it funny that this book says it looks down upon false information and I find that this book is exactly that.

[Rhonda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid book on the topic. I liked the discussion of different types of loneliness. I really liked the definition that "a true sense of loneliness is the result of disconnection from the self". I'm not completely convinced that creative expression is the great solution - unless creative is defined so broadly that it becomes meaningless.

As with a lot of these types of books, the author inserts himself throughout the whole book with his life story and lots of "I", "I", I". It could have been a much shorter, more succinct book.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The three-parts that Nobel thinks are important to a group that fights loneliness is 1) meditation 2) creative expression 3) discussing what was made with others in the group. Loneliness is the body's signal that there isn't enough human interaction. Everyone has different amounts that they require at any given moment so it is important to pay attention to, like thirst. I thought there were some interesting ideas about how loneliness is a public health problem that shold be screened with other medical screenings.

[rita · Rating 4 out of 5]

excellent book that i almost did not finish cause it was just making me feel even more sad & lonely but i'm glad i stayed especially for those last 3 chapters on modernity & difference.

this book won't solve your loneliness but at least it will help you understand it a bit more with all the research & facts, down-to-earth thinking an all the diverse stories shared by this doctor & poet.

the only thing i wish it had mentioned was the lack of third places and how un-walkable suburbia are systemic issues that are also behind this epidemic.

[Jo Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeremy Nobel's Project Unlonely is a well-researched, deep-thinking inquiry into loneliness. In today's world of isolation and addiction to screens, this is a panacea for people dealing with the depression or anxiety that comes with loneliness. JN is a beautiful writer who mixes personal revelations with case studies and hard facts. I love how he gave us a simple, available antidote...
creativity!

[Sarah Bauer · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's some good information in here but a lot of it is stuff thats old news if you've been dealing with loneliness for any amount of time. The last few sections are the most useful. I also find it weird that he recognizes the epidemic of loneliness in the modern age but fails to recognize many systemic issues like unwalkable cities and lack of third places that are major contributing factors. His take on cancel culture also feels tone deaf.

[Kate]

FORCED to read this book for a work training -- as a manager of an urban library I do not think this is relevant to work or my career. The author is local so I hope he is at the training and everything is made clear. I assume senior management is "friends" with the author and have not read this book. My rating judgement is clouded by the topic irrelevance to my career. I refuse to be anything but snarky at the training in two week.

[Nancy]

These types of books are great at providing a statement of the problem, but then try to wrap it all up with solutions in the final chapter. I mean, we all know what the problem is if we’re reading this book. We’re here from for some strategies. A few are provided. I do agree that creativity is the antidote to loneliness. And creativity spans a lot, not just art or music. That message alone might be worth a glance.

[Karen Shilvock-Cinefro · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was published just after the effects of the pandemic. Dr Nobel addresses the effects of the pandemic and our situation of loneliness. The book also contains helpful information regarding loneliness with trauma, regarding PTSD and isolation. Also aging and the universal problem of the world not caring in regard to older adults. The chapter opens with a very sad but eye-opening story of a woman not seen for years.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 5 stars - another great read. There are many conversations in my office about this epidemic of loneliness and ways to combat it in every day life.

Bottom line, it’s not as easy as just “spend time around people”. To greatly simplify this book, Be curious, make something and have conversations.

Very well researched with relevant, realistic trauma informed interventions are included.

[Rachelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Project UnLonely... Well researched and presented in a personal way. I enjoyed reading the personal stories and studies involving people and their natural tendencies to be near people, to touch others and just feel close to other humans. Does a nice job explaining certain disorders where people feel disconnected with others.

[Callie Czech · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though brining up meaningful points of downtime deprivation and our cultures stigma about being lonely, I wasn’t a huge fan. It is a scientific study but I found the constant new word definitions annoying. I only came away with using art and downtime to combat loneliness in society, but not a lot else.