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Fake Love: Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Clear, concise and empowering self-help about navigating and healing from narcissistic abuse by Australia's go-to specialist counsellor
The love of a narcissist is fake. It's a soul-destroying realisation for every victim of narcissistic abuse, but even more damaging is finding yourself trapped and abused by the person who claims they love you. Nova Gibson has helped thousands of people in their struggle to understand, extricate themselves and heal from toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse. Drawing on the expertise gained from a decade of working with clients and her global online community, Nova offers comfort, knowledge and powerful strategies to help you identify, navigate and survive this extremely covert, confusing - and dangerous - form of abuse. In this life-changing book, Nova brings unparalleled insight into the lived experience of victims and helps identify the behaviours of narcissistic abusers, such as coercive control and gaslighting, pathological lying, the love bomb-devalue-discard cycle, hoovering, smear campaigns and many, many more. She also helps you understand covert and overt narcissism, and explores in depth the concept of trauma bonding, which creates a powerful connection with your abuser and explains why and how you're compelled to stay, even when the abuse is impossible to ignore. In this deeply compassionate book, Nova offers hope, support and concise, practical strategies to break the toxic cycle, extricate and protect yourself ... and most importantly, heal.
The love of a narcissist is fake. It's a soul-destroying realisation for every victim of narcissistic abuse, but even more damaging is finding yourself trapped and abused by the person who claims they love you. Nova Gibson has helped thousands of people in their struggle to understand, extricate themselves and heal from toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse. Drawing on the expertise gained from a decade of working with clients and her global online community, Nova offers comfort, knowledge and powerful strategies to help you identify, navigate and survive this extremely covert, confusing - and dangerous - form of abuse. In this life-changing book, Nova brings unparalleled insight into the lived experience of victims and helps identify the behaviours of narcissistic abusers, such as coercive control and gaslighting, pathological lying, the love bomb-devalue-discard cycle, hoovering, smear campaigns and many, many more. She also helps you understand covert and overt narcissism, and explores in depth the concept of trauma bonding, which creates a powerful connection with your abuser and explains why and how you're compelled to stay, even when the abuse is impossible to ignore. In this deeply compassionate book, Nova offers hope, support and concise, practical strategies to break the toxic cycle, extricate and protect yourself ... and most importantly, heal.
304 pages, Paperback
Published August 2, 2023
48 people are currently reading
221 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
July 3, 2024
A very memorable and relatable book. The author thoughtfully integrates real life examples to better allow the reader to glance at their own lives and relationships. Although some people might not have been full blown narcissists, the book effectively highlighted early red flags and signs to prevent the cycle from happening once more. Furthermore, it really allowed me to see my trauma from an unbiased yet empathetic and understanding view, which is really hard to find with narcissistic abuse. It can be very lonely and sometimes one can feel crazy, but Gibson was able to be the one person to hear and understand. Reading this book has enabled me to take great steps in my healing journey and I strongly recommend it as a first step for anyone starting to see the truth in their narcissistic toxic relationships.
October 16, 2023
Fake Love; Is an excellent book. While I read a section at a time to process, the impact is powerful. Leaving a Narcissistic relationship is incredibly hard, recovering from the trauma can be overwhelming. Fake Love gives you guidance, to understand what has happened to you, and how to become whole again. Understanding that why you stayed has many reasons, but to know some reasons are to do with a chemical reactions of survival mode, was important to begin healing. The author takes each step of recovery and allows you to heal bit by bit with information and stories that seem to be from the pages of my life. The knowledge she guides her victims with is gentle yet providing information that can allow you to deal with the abuse and work on healing to be a survivor. Highly recommend this book to anyone in, or leaving a narcissistic relationship. A book I will be reading many times as I work through my personal trauma.
December 8, 2023
Super informative, healing and helpful.
October 22, 2023
My only reflection is that not all narcissists are family members. ‘Friends’ can be narcissistic too, and this book focused on the husband/wife and parent/child dynamics. I feel like it could have been helpful to have a chapter or two that focused on these other dynamics as people often fall into cycles of abusive relationships and these are just a relevant and toxic.
March 3, 2024
Fake Live is exceptional it cover trauma more with a more in-depth approach than I have ever seen. I was raised by a narcissist and it took everything in me to walk away from the pain that I so oddly craved… Because it was attention not love or caring or anything positive and yet somehow it was better then being invisible, unknown and unloved. It took years to recognize the abuse for what it was and the toxic hold it had on my life.
I am so grateful to my husband who saw the me inside a broken shell and gave me the power to move forward and not only receive love but to be capable of giving it.
That may sound strange to anyone who hasn’t lived my life or a similar experience because you honestly don’t see ravaging of wake of toxic destruction that is left in the path of one targeted by such cruel manipulation.
I have put it behind me and have beautiful children and grandchildren but that dull pain was still lurking. The feelings of unworthiness and the fear you don’t deserve happiness.
I feel lucky to have broken free from the cycle despite the damage done to my mental health at the time.
This book was eye opening! Despite understanding and knowing the signs of toxic and fake love it’s still easy to be a target. I find a part of me still fragile and I intuitively recognize manipulations for what they are when I meet those with the capacity to inflict pain and harm to others. This book is truly a must read it helped tuck away the last vestiges of fear that I’m not enough. Never will be enough. I am and so are you. And if this touches you then this book will be a great read and the beginning of a journey to find self validation and value. To love yourself and allow yourself to love others. My husband saved my life and is my rock and foundation. I can truly say I wish I’d found this book 30 years ago when I was in the throes of worthlessness that was unfounded and completely untrue all because a person who should have loved me wasn’t and never will be capable of loving someone.
For anyone that understands what i’m saying or has felt these feelings. Set yourself free and learn to value the amazing person you are and love yourself. Read the book and embrace a future free of toxic fake love! Highly recommend this one it’s a great read!
I am so grateful to my husband who saw the me inside a broken shell and gave me the power to move forward and not only receive love but to be capable of giving it.
That may sound strange to anyone who hasn’t lived my life or a similar experience because you honestly don’t see ravaging of wake of toxic destruction that is left in the path of one targeted by such cruel manipulation.
I have put it behind me and have beautiful children and grandchildren but that dull pain was still lurking. The feelings of unworthiness and the fear you don’t deserve happiness.
I feel lucky to have broken free from the cycle despite the damage done to my mental health at the time.
This book was eye opening! Despite understanding and knowing the signs of toxic and fake love it’s still easy to be a target. I find a part of me still fragile and I intuitively recognize manipulations for what they are when I meet those with the capacity to inflict pain and harm to others. This book is truly a must read it helped tuck away the last vestiges of fear that I’m not enough. Never will be enough. I am and so are you. And if this touches you then this book will be a great read and the beginning of a journey to find self validation and value. To love yourself and allow yourself to love others. My husband saved my life and is my rock and foundation. I can truly say I wish I’d found this book 30 years ago when I was in the throes of worthlessness that was unfounded and completely untrue all because a person who should have loved me wasn’t and never will be capable of loving someone.
For anyone that understands what i’m saying or has felt these feelings. Set yourself free and learn to value the amazing person you are and love yourself. Read the book and embrace a future free of toxic fake love! Highly recommend this one it’s a great read!
March 29, 2025
Life changing
Within the first few pages I thought the author had been a fly on the wall of my own marriage. I could never exactly describe what I was going through or quite put my emotions into words. All I knew was, I felt like I was going insane and there was nothing I could do to stop the train wreck from happening. I felt like a drug-crazed addict searching for my next fix, and as someone with 11 yrs sobriety, this became more difficult and added to the shame and guilt of my marriage.
After the inevitable train wreck, I struggled with what I was feeling and in my every day life. My lack of self-worth, zero self esteem, zero ability to make decisions, everything I once thought to be true about the greater part of society and people in general, had so drastically changed, been shattered. I doubted every single small detail no matter the subject or how I heard the information. When your soul-mate suddenly becomes this hateful, mean, spiteful, angry, and bitter person and is conditioning you to believe it is your fault, it drastically changes how you view the world.
In reading this book, I learned it’s not me! I AM NOT THE PROBLEM! I wasn’t going crazy, the abuse by my narcissistic husband was designed to make me feel like I was going crazy! Every feeling I felt during my marriage was explicitly described in this book, just as if the author had been there. Every single page left me reeling for more information and with the validation of my situation
Follow the guidelines in this book, embrace trauma therapy by a specialist who is trained in trauma informed care, surround yourself with your true friends and strong support system, join groups designed for narcissistic abuse survivors, you are not alone! Your trauma is individual, but there are millions of people who have experienced narcissistic abuse. You can and will get through, you will love yourself again. You are worthy of love and of being loved, and I know that if I can do it, you can too!
Within the first few pages I thought the author had been a fly on the wall of my own marriage. I could never exactly describe what I was going through or quite put my emotions into words. All I knew was, I felt like I was going insane and there was nothing I could do to stop the train wreck from happening. I felt like a drug-crazed addict searching for my next fix, and as someone with 11 yrs sobriety, this became more difficult and added to the shame and guilt of my marriage.
After the inevitable train wreck, I struggled with what I was feeling and in my every day life. My lack of self-worth, zero self esteem, zero ability to make decisions, everything I once thought to be true about the greater part of society and people in general, had so drastically changed, been shattered. I doubted every single small detail no matter the subject or how I heard the information. When your soul-mate suddenly becomes this hateful, mean, spiteful, angry, and bitter person and is conditioning you to believe it is your fault, it drastically changes how you view the world.
In reading this book, I learned it’s not me! I AM NOT THE PROBLEM! I wasn’t going crazy, the abuse by my narcissistic husband was designed to make me feel like I was going crazy! Every feeling I felt during my marriage was explicitly described in this book, just as if the author had been there. Every single page left me reeling for more information and with the validation of my situation
Follow the guidelines in this book, embrace trauma therapy by a specialist who is trained in trauma informed care, surround yourself with your true friends and strong support system, join groups designed for narcissistic abuse survivors, you are not alone! Your trauma is individual, but there are millions of people who have experienced narcissistic abuse. You can and will get through, you will love yourself again. You are worthy of love and of being loved, and I know that if I can do it, you can too!
December 17, 2023
I found this an exceptionally easy-to-read book about a very complex topic which in my experience is poorly understood. The ramifications of encountering people who are narcissistic are lifelong and one of the biggest challenges is that most people do not look beyond the surface level and are easily susceptible to the narcissist's superficial persona. So not only is there the challenge of healing from narcissistic abuse it is also that society effectively gaslights you too and this can be very debilitating. The antidote to this is knowledge and awareness and BOUNDARIES. This book will help you with all of that. If you think it might apply to you then pick it up and read it. I have recommended it to a colleague at work recently (with two young children) who has left a narcissist and I will do so again I am sure before the year is out. Many books of this kind are too theoretical but this is different. Lots of practical easy to relate to scenarios and some very clear (and at times disturbing) revelations to help empower survivors of NA. Written I think primarily from a heteronormative perspective with the assumption that the perpetrator is male it also has a section that addresses the reverse and gay relationships. What will be apparent is that all perpetrators have the same playbook regardless of race, gender, sexuality, religion, or any socio-economic foundations. I also highly recommend it to those who have people they care about who are in or escaping from such situations. In fact the world would be a much better place if everyone read this as trust me you all know someone in this situation you may just not realise it yet!
October 30, 2023
Pros: reading the events the character in this book experienced felt at times as though they were directly written about my experience with narcissistic abuse. Examples of abuse that I thought were mine alone and had no idea we’re actually common. The study of this characters experience is spot on.
Cons: the steps to escape and recover are practical but are written for privilege. Many of the suggestions are just not possible for poor or disabled people or people stuck in a cycle of abuse that has lasted their entire lives. This book was written for rich, able-bodied, educated, heterosexuals* with access to a strong social support system.
*note: I also found this to be written through a heteronormative lense seeped in essentialism of the sexes. The chapter on women who are narcissist to men was especially concerning with the suggestions on essentialist masculinity and although I appreciate the effort of attempting to include men in this - it was unnecessary to try and elaborate. A simple acknowledgment would have been enough.
Cons: the steps to escape and recover are practical but are written for privilege. Many of the suggestions are just not possible for poor or disabled people or people stuck in a cycle of abuse that has lasted their entire lives. This book was written for rich, able-bodied, educated, heterosexuals* with access to a strong social support system.
*note: I also found this to be written through a heteronormative lense seeped in essentialism of the sexes. The chapter on women who are narcissist to men was especially concerning with the suggestions on essentialist masculinity and although I appreciate the effort of attempting to include men in this - it was unnecessary to try and elaborate. A simple acknowledgment would have been enough.
September 20, 2024
There is lots of good information and advice in this book. My criticism is that that at times the author was a bit dogmatic, and generalised about behaviours and responses in such a way as to suggest 'this is how it always is' rather than to suggest that some patterns are typical or common in abusive or toxic relationships. And that every relationship is different and not all abusers exhibit all the typical behaviours, nor do they all of the time.
The chapter about the male victims of toxic partners was enlightening. Our society does see women as the victims and men as the abusers in the majority of cases. There are plenty of men suffering abuse who do not have the support to recognise it and who find it difficult to admit and therefore seek help.
I'd say this book is useful (and an easy read) if you are suffering from narcissistic abuse, or think you might be, or are supporting someone who is.
The chapter about the male victims of toxic partners was enlightening. Our society does see women as the victims and men as the abusers in the majority of cases. There are plenty of men suffering abuse who do not have the support to recognise it and who find it difficult to admit and therefore seek help.
I'd say this book is useful (and an easy read) if you are suffering from narcissistic abuse, or think you might be, or are supporting someone who is.
August 31, 2024
For those who have suffered through a narcissistic relationship, not knowing there was a name and an explanation and a way to understand the abusive behaviour, as well as your own reactive behaviour, this book is a bible of information.
Gibson writes with clarity, offering real life examples that make you wonder whether she has been privy to the inner details of your relationship, a fly on the wall, so to speak.
The realisation that the narcissist in your life is textbook worthy and there are others out there with the same traits and behaviours is daunting. An absolute wake up call on how to process the abuse, heal from it and move on in a way that prevents you becoming a victim again.
Absolute must read.
Gibson writes with clarity, offering real life examples that make you wonder whether she has been privy to the inner details of your relationship, a fly on the wall, so to speak.
The realisation that the narcissist in your life is textbook worthy and there are others out there with the same traits and behaviours is daunting. An absolute wake up call on how to process the abuse, heal from it and move on in a way that prevents you becoming a victim again.
Absolute must read.
September 18, 2023
An absolute must read for anyone seeking to recover from a narcissistic relationship, a toxic relationship, or just wanting to learn about narcissistic personality disorder. Nova Gibson will capture and sustain your interest with accessible easy to understand language, as well as insights, and narratives which empower and validate the experiences of so many impacted by narcissistic abuse. This is book is a relationship guide for the modern times. An unreserved five star rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
January 1, 2024
Nova articulates exactly what it's like to be a victim of covert narcissistic abuse through a fictional story based on many people's experiences. She clearly explains the typical behaviours of the narc and includes tools to identify and manage them. Although the main story is from a female victim's point of view, I still found most, if not all, of the stories alarmingly similar to my experience as a male victim. If you receive any abuse at home or work, read this book; it will save your life.
March 20, 2024
An exceptional detailing of the trauma experienced by victims of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence. Fake Love is incredibly validating for survivors, depicting informative stories of relatable, real life situations of narcissistic abuse within both heterosexual and gay relationships. I carried this book around like an emotional support blanket. My best, and most helpful read of 2023 beyond a doubt.
September 17, 2023
As a victim of decades of narcissistic abuse, this book will reveal all the tricks they use to control and manipulate you again and again. Some of this is covert and for too long I have doubted myself, but not after reading this book. You will forever understand that you have been emotionally manipulated and abused. Fake Love also provides invaluable advice for your path to freedom and healing.
September 18, 2023
Fake Love is practical, compassionate and validating to those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse, and well-written for those trying to understand and better support loved ones. I would definitely recommend it as an empowering resource that both acknowledges trauma and offers actionable steps to heal. Books like this one save lives.
September 20, 2023
Cannot recommend this book highly enough. Reading it, I felt the Author knew the sexual abuse predator who groomed me back in 1981 and had first hand experience herself as a victim at the hands of this narcissistic and smooth voiced radio celebrity. Could not put this book down. Read it in one weekend!
September 25, 2023
I felt like this book was describing the last 12 years of my life. It's so validating to read this and know that I wasn't wrong, the behaviour was deliberate and I didn't do anything to deserve it. I'd recommend this book to anyone who thinks they're experiencing (or have experienced) narcissistic abuse because it will be so helpful and valuable for your recovery.
October 25, 2023
The biggest takeaway that I got from this book is about the strength of the people who are targeted by narcissists. Both in their struggle throughout the relationship, and the strength that they dig deep for in order to leave and survive after ending the relationship is something I will never forget after reading this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 13, 2024
Fabulous book. Such an insightful and accurate portrayal of what it is like to be in a relationship with a covert narcissist. Every chapter on point. For me, it truly felt like I was reading my own story. Highly recommended for anyone trying to make sense of these senseless ‘crazy-making’ relationships. Definitely worthy of 5 stars.
August 10, 2025
Heavy topic, not heavy reading
Nova deconstructs a complex topic in a compassionate, straightforward and non condescending manner. Aimed at those starting to realise the enormity of what they have been through or those still caught firmly in a web of confusion and needing situational awareness. A gently guiding tool to help put things into perspective.
Nova deconstructs a complex topic in a compassionate, straightforward and non condescending manner. Aimed at those starting to realise the enormity of what they have been through or those still caught firmly in a web of confusion and needing situational awareness. A gently guiding tool to help put things into perspective.
September 12, 2023
As a narcissistic abuse survivor this book validated exactly what I had been through. All aspects resonated and helped me not to feel so alone. Unless you have been through narc abuse you don’t understand but Nova has a great grasp on all of it.
September 25, 2023
This is an incredible book that describes what it’s like when men and women are in relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorders, and how to deal with their toxic behaviors. I recommend this book to everyone.
October 2, 2023
A powerful source of help, guidance, and voice that stays with you in the process of surviving and healing. This book is written with wisdom, experience and realistic advice - the ONLY book I'd recommend on this topic. Thank you, Nova.
July 7, 2024
This book has kept me sane , I have read it multiple times and can't recommend it enough. To anyone wondering if they might be dealing with narcissistic abuse, do yourself a favour and and invest in this book.
December 4, 2024
Best Book I Have Read on Narcissist Abuse
By far the best book that I have read on this subject that I would recommend to anyone. If you are seeking clear and practical explanations and advice on understanding narcissism and the road to recovery this is the book for you !
By far the best book that I have read on this subject that I would recommend to anyone. If you are seeking clear and practical explanations and advice on understanding narcissism and the road to recovery this is the book for you !
July 9, 2025
A superb, incredibly informative, incredibly healing, and incredibly hard book to read. And by hard I mean the realization and revisiting of the abuse and fake love I endured for 15 years.
I will continue to mine lessons for months and years to come.
Thank you
I will continue to mine lessons for months and years to come.
Thank you
August 28, 2023
Read as audiobook
January 10, 2024
I found this book so sobering and helpful. It was EXACTLY what I needed to understand what I had been through. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has survived this hideous abuse.
February 23, 2024
Wowza. Everything makes sense now....
February 24, 2024
Best book I’ve read on the subject. Very validating. Grateful to have found it.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews