Detached: Surviving Reactive Attachment Disorder

by Jessie Hogsett

DETACHED! SURVIVING REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER is the true story of a young boy who never "attached" or "bonded" with his alcoholic mother. He felt unloved, uncared for, unsafe, sad, lonely and extremely angry. As he grew up, he, like most Reactive Attachment Disordered kids, acted out, exhibiting severely antisocial, even violent, behavior. You'll travel back in time to view a young child's life through his own eyes. You'll see an innocent boy become a severely emotionally disturbed teen. Then, against all odds, you'll read about miracles few ever thought possible.

Genres: Memoir, Fostering, Nonfiction, Adoption

206 pages, Paperback

First published September 26, 2011

Reviews

[Staci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jessie tells a whirlwind story of his life in this sweet, gut wrenching memoir. He offers hope to parents treading the murky waters of children who come from neglect, fear and abuse. Every foster or adoptive parent's worst nightmares are children who lack the ability to love and accept love, the ability to feel empathy, who harm themselves and others, to lie, steal, and essentially, are not equipped to be in a family.

Jessie was one of those scary kids. And he survived. He had years and years (and years and years) of baby steps and treatment and enough support to get to a positive, enirched attached life. He loves, he feels love, he works, he lives. So many children like him do not survive. Some of them end up abusing drugs or alcohol or perish by their own hands. He even tried to a few times. Jessie writes his horrible, beautiful, honest story (I can't stop crying actually, having read it all in one night I am overcome with emotion) and I am the better for having read it.

He is heroic. His adoptive parents are heroic. I very much appreciate his perspective about his behaviors and seeing the world through his eyes. His thoughts on what helps kids with attachment issues in the back is wonderful as well. I highly recommend to all foster and adoptive parents.

[Elizabeth Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick, easy, and engaging read. I especially loved the tips at the back! Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[Anchit · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book as part of a free promotion on Amazon. A very beautiful life. it shows the miraculous human spirits. an amazing story about the guy who suffers from RAD. Incidentally I suffer from social anxiety and social phobia. it was inspiring to read his story.

This story gave me some hints about where I might find my own life calling. I've got two things (either writing and helping shy Ppl or helping any Ppl develop social skills they need).

Another thing that stands out for me is that this whole book is written in a very neutral language. So while reading you can relate to what he went through but it isn't provoking for you. It doesn't feel like he's complaining about anything or being pessimistic. This is an important thing that I look out for in memoirs. There have been other memoirs that I've read which are so provoking that it starts affects my own life and triggers my own issues. But this one isn't like that.

I felt that the author shares his experiences in a detailed manner such that you can relate to whatever he says, have a better understanding of bullies and how they don't purposely trouble others. You feel like you're there in the author's place going through everything that he went through. And yet it isn't triggering.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is such a paucity of RAD literature, and this not only gives hope but also provides a rare first-person account.
The suggestions in the back alone are worth every penny.

Thank you, Jessie, for this very important and enlightening book.

[Jill Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me get into the mind of a child with RAD. It also provided a "light at the end of the tunnel" for children who come from abusive backgrounds.

[Nora · Rating 3 out of 5]

RAD explained

The author explains what RAD is, using his life to explain his behavior. The writing, while not brilliant, does an adequate job off the ups and downs of his life.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enlightening to read this memoir from a young man who survived his childhood of neglect, abandonment, and adoption, while dealing with complex mental and health issues directly related to his trauma. To read from his point of view why he felt and acted the way he did, despite support and love from safe adults in his life, highlights the damage done by his early life experiences, and explains the complex condition of reactive attachment disorder. The most encouraging aspect is that he survived it and overcame immense challenges to become a loving husband and father, and a good citizen. Jessie's tips to support and understand children and young people with attachment disorder are very helpful.

[Elisabeth Brookshire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting biography about RAD

I read the book, "The Perfect Child" and really enjoyed it so I thought I'd read a true account of a child suffering from RAD. The author writes very clearly and is able to happily say today, he's free from the bonds of his illness. I'm not sure how many success stories there are out there. Statistics show many RAD kids end up involved with drugs or crime. Interesting reading of you're looking for something different in an autobiography.

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sad, yet unfortunately common story of a child that experienced early trauma and the foster care system.The writing was so-so, but I was more focused and intrigued by just reading a personal account of someone diagnosed with RAD. I'd be interested to see if the author writes another book in future with a stronger emphasis on their healing journey, including how they personally started to understand empathy.

[Lee Penman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Exceptional Memoir

This book adds great insight into the condition of reactive attachment disorder. It humanizes what is often a very hard condition for both the sufferer and those around them to deal with.
I wish I had read it rather than the plethora of books I read about addiction when I was trying to help someone who I now believe to have been suffering from RAD. I may have been better equipped to help.

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Demystified RAD for me

This was a fascinating and useful read. The author takes the reader into his mind as a child suffering from RAD, helping us understand why RAD children act the way the do. It's a story of hope and redemption. Hogsett includes many useful and practical tips for parents and caregivers of RAD children. I highly recommend this book.

[Sandra Burns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had never heard of this before.

I do not know what to say. I grew up in a home, had food,shelter, but no real affection or love. Parents gave me everything, but emotional support. Maybe I am RAD also?

[Ines · Rating 4 out of 5]

My kid has many similarities to Jessie and this book shed some light onto his thought process and thinking. It gave me hope that there is light at the end of this long tunnel. Teen boys + adoption + trauma = a tumultuous parent child relationship. I am thankful for Jessie's story and success.

[Tracy Hirst · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth The Read

I started to read this book and I couldn't put it down. I read it In a day. If you have rad or have an adoptive child with rad this book might help you to understand better.

[Matthew Kent · Rating 4 out of 5]

It may not be the most eloquently written book, but it is a fantastic way to gain a deeper understanding of how kids with RAD think, feel, and act. I highly recommend it for any parent navigating the extreme difficulties of raising a kid with RAD.

[Lily Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read for anyone who has cared for, worked with, adopted, etc. a child that has experienced trauma.

[Audrey · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

[Allison Quadhamer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good first-person account of living with Reactive Attachment Disorder. A must read for parents.

[Kara Kistner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every foster parent should read this book! So insightful and puts you in the kid’s perspective. It gives practical ideas to try to implement.

[Michelle Willis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really easy to read and gives a vital insight to the thought process processes of a child with RAD. Some places made me laugh and some cry. I would totally recommend this book to carers of people with RAD. There are some good tips too at the end of the book on how to care for children with RAD.

[Sidney · Rating 3 out of 5]

So first, this book needed an editor. If it had one it needed two. The story was scattered and at times confusing. Grammar is important people. No it doesn't have to be perfect but it needs to flow. This did not.

That said, and the reason I give this 3 stars, is the life of this young man was at times insightful. I won't say hopeful because I don't really feel as if hope ever came across in the writing. I also won't say healing because it feels as if in the book Jessie goes from being "broken" to better without much talk about why or what really helped him.

And how can you say you've attached to certain people throughout your life and then later in life you say this is the first time you've attached to someone? It felt very narcissistic. Maybe that's the point though. This kid couldn't think of others because he was so obsessed with himself. However it was meant to come across that is what I took away.

I would have preferred if the book might have delved deeper into the young mans healing. If he's even healed. I can't tell. I mean he's obviously "better" and functioning in society but we get to the end of the book and no real comment on his son. His life is so happy with one of his kids missing. I mean I don't expect him to be miserable but not to even mention if that was something he tried to change. Maybe he did and I missed it because the writing was so convoluted. Just felt like even having a child was somewhat of a superficial event for this guy to just "forget" it. It honestly felt as if his "happy" life description at the end was him trying to convince himself. I'm not going to say it is as I don't know the guy but it is how I read it.

I hope I'm wrong. Maybe a good proofing could have made this book relay a different message.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very poor when it came to grammar. It was also somewhat scattered and not put together well. BUT all of that being said, I loved hearing this mans perception of life and those who loved him. I found his story enlightening and useful, asdie from the grammatical nightmare that it was.

[Susan Higginbotham · Rating 5 out of 5]

can't believe how many people are criticising grammar etc. This is a heart breaking story of a child who went to hell and back but came out the other side and is doing what he can to help. Great work Jessie, thank you.

[Mama · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anyone working with children affected by trauma and reactive attachment disorder. Not the most polished memoir, but it includes a wealth of insight.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you can forgive the occasional grammar mistakes, then read this book. It is an excellent description of what it's like to have RAD.

[Stine Diamond-owens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting autobiography of a RAD experience. Helps others get inside their complicated heads. Recommend if you are a foster or adoptive family or counselor.

[Tina Gastineau · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for a glimpse into what the child with RAD feels, thinks, experiences, and heals.