Best Laid Schemes

by Emma Jensen

"Girls grow into ladies, dearest. It happens all the time."
"That is not a lady, madam. That is Sibyl Cameron."

So says Tarquin Rome, a rather stiff, superbly handsome earl who has been harassed by this irrepressible mishap-prone chit since boyhood. Why then would his mother invite Sibyl to his artfully planned house party?

Why, indeed. The lofty earl is hardly likely to notice that the beautiful Sibyl is no longer in pinafores and pigtails--especially since he has invited three Incomparables from which he will choose his bride. But when embarrassing and awkward moments transpire at his gathering, Tarquin can only blame Sibyl. Which hardly explains his increasing desire for her company--and her affection. . . .

Genres: Historical Romance, Regency, Romance, Historical, Humor, Historical Fiction, Traditional Regency

197 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published July 29, 1998

About the author

Emma Jensen is a bestselling author who has won both a Rita and a Reviewer's Choice Award for her Regencies. She grew up in San Francisco and among the vines of the California wine country. She is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, with degrees in nineteenth-century literature, sociology, and public policy.

Reviews

[Preeti ♥︎ Her Bookshelves · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, I like the idea of a haughty and stiff-necked Earl and his nemesis from his youth (and her childhood) finding love with each other. But there are a few distractions.

The book has a rom com feel with a monkey, three Incomparables, their families along with some random secondary cast thrown together at a house party. The two weeks house party is to facilitate choosing of a bride by Earl but his mother also invites her friend to alleviate boredom, and the friend brings along her monkey and her niece/his nemesis (the h) as well. The H (quietly) throws a fit but cannot do anything about it.
"Girls grow into ladies, dearest. It happens all the time."
"That is not a lady, madam. That is Sibyl Cameron."

And so the joust begins. The three accomplished beauties try to outdo each other to win the earl’s heart and hand. Not a part of the show, the h watches from the sidelines reminiscing about all the silly ways she’d tried to gain his attention since age 9 and failed. I like the h but not the H so much.
I couldn’t quite move past seeing three (beautiful, accomplished) young girls make fools of themselves while the H watches and compares, contemplating their physical and other attributes. He cannot even remember their names and they are blonde and brunette etc. to him. Selfish and shallow these ladies maybe but they deserve better treatment. At the end, he summons everyone in a room to announce his ‘decision’(read result). Truly demeaning.

The monkey, maybe cute and comic, annoyed me. It's quite inconceivable how a monkey could be allowed to run amok like that and make an ass out of the lord of the house, and he, quite powerless to deal with it? And the flea infestation! *shudder*
So yes, the h wins - almost in the last scene and she, completely unaware that she was even in the running - meaning nothing much romantic happens till then.

Well written as is norm for Trad Regencies.
Although I may be in minority but I couldn’t see past the monkey and the monkey business.

[Linda (NOT RECEIVING NOTIFICATIONS) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stuffed Shirt
noun
A self-satisfied and inflexible person. Someone who behaves in a very formal fashion and thinks that he is very important. An Americanism dating back to 1910–15.

Tarquin Theodor, without an e, Fitzmorris Rome, sixth Earl of Hythe, takes the meaning of a stuffed shirt to a new level. Even his mother often said his name with a weary sigh, ’Oh, Tarquin’.

Given a choice between purchasing a rare antique manuscript or securing a woman’s hand, the obscure book would win, hands down. But from the onset of Best Laid Schemes, Tarquin’s mother expected him to marry and fill his nursery. Three young ladies -par excellence- with their families, were invited to his estate. After a period of two weeks, he promised the Dowager Countess he would make a final decision.

Several secondary characters joined the house party: Tarquin’s younger and jovial brother, Julius, and his Scottish friend, MacGregor. The dowager’s companion from days-gone-by, Lady Leverham, her pet monkey, Galahad, and her niece, Sibyl Cameron. Or as Tarquin often said her name, Sibyl!.

The twosome had a history. Sibyl had known Tarquin since the age of nine. He was approximately sixteen. Their meetings over the years involved various accidents, misadventures or twists of fate but she loved him. Tarquin thought of her as a disaster-in-the-making.

And this is why I had issues with Best Laid Schemes. Until the final chapter, I thought of Sibyl as a secondary character. There was very little romance. Honestly, I was rooting for Julius or MacGregor to win Sibyl’s hand.

If I had read this story ten years ago, the silly humor would have won me over. But now, I couldn’t imagine the monkey -with fleas-having free reign of a house loaded with antiquities. I couldn’t get over feeling the three young ladies were a deus ex machina. All in all, I believe if Ms. Jensen included Sibyl in more scenes and had Tarquin show more interest, I would have overlooked the other matters.

[Vintage · Rating 3 out of 5]

This started out so promising with a stuck-up but generally good hero and a manic-pixie dream girl who is there to unstuff him.

The hero is an Earl that just wants to get married already so he invites the three top debutantes from the Season to a house party so he can pick one. His sweet and cute mother invites Sybil and a crazy aunt with bad money for her own entertainment. Sybil has had a crush on the reproving hero since she was nine.

The three paragons compete and are dismissive of Sybil, but no major interaction or evil OW.

Sadly it lost steam halfway through the book pretty much like this review. The author basically took the teeth out of the heroine's personality so it's not clear why the H falls for her despite she is the same option.

Two minor characters stood out, and I wondered if they were going to have their own books: the redheaded paragon and the impoverished but charming Scottish noble.

[Megzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this author after reading one of her stories "The Wexford Carol"in Regency Christmas Spirits. I liked her writing style and decided to check out her other works. I am very glad I did.

Best Laid Schemes is highly entertaining. Tarquin Rome is an earl and a collector of art and manuscripts. He has decided to finally get married. He is selecting his future wife with the same consideration when he selects a piece of art. After careful thoughts he has shortened his selection to three beautiful young ladies. A Burnett, a blonde and a red head. He has invited the three ladies and their parents to a house party in his country seat which happened to be castle Rome. His mother has invited her best friend and her best friend's niece, Sibyl Cameron, to the party as her companion. The friend also brings her pet monkey who has flees and loves sparkly things. Sibyl fell in love with Tarquin when she was 10 and he was 16. In her efforts to be near him, she has caused a lot of mishaps through out the years. Also in attendance are Tarquin younger brother and Tarquin best friend. The house party is a comedy of error and as Sybil says, "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong!"

If you are looking for a light story with lots of funny moments, you might want to consider this book.

[R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the many moves in my life since my teen years, a small stack of old romance novels has (mostly) stayed with me. I read them as a preteen and as a teen, sneaking them at first and then just outright borrowing them from my mother and various “aunts” (any adult woman around the family was an aunt). Some I must have squirreled away on purpose just because I liked them (which was stealing, since they weren’t mine, but this did not occur to me at the time. There’s an awkward realization.) Others, I think I just ended up with. Some of the books that made an impression that has lasted through the decades since then I don’t have, or even recall their names. Tragic. And yes, I have tried looking up the plot points I remember. The past few months, with my Kobo out of service for a while and my brain seeking distraction from horrible things, I picked up a mass market paperback romance in a grocery store. After reading that (and one of the other books in the trilogy it was a part of), I looked over at my little surviving stack of romance novels and decided to reread a few.

What did I save? Mostly Regencies, mostly oddball Regencies, which… is not shocking once you think about it. Regencies with witches and I think there is a vampire one and some with magic and things like that. Some were just Regencies without magic, but, when I glanced at them, I remembered enough to realize why I had saved them. At least one random Regency author was out there writing books with a screwball-esque feel to them. And then I realized that the one I remembered most clearly, the one that I felt was the most formative, was missing.
I looked up the author, looked up her books, found it and bought it used. I just reread it. So for no reason at all, an informal review.

Best Laid Schemes by Emma Jensen, published in 1998, is part of a loosely connected series featuring many of the same characters. Of the series, I can only recall two with any detail, but this one was I believe my favorite.

And yes, it was formative, as I suspected.

Tarquin Rome, the Sixth Earl of Hythe is a planner. He likes things to be “simple, sensible, and serious” and has, accordingly, arranged for the three misses he might marry (and their families) to visit his home. It is hinted a few times that he was a rather serious child but not without humor, and that it was the death of his father when he was young, making Tarquin the Earl, that, er, helped him become uptight figure he is today.

He's actually not all that bad, which is also handled delightfully. It’s immediately apparent that Tarquin loves his family and they love him, the author makes a point to show him taking his responsibility to his tenants and servants seriously (seriously in all things, our Tarquin), and he does feel quite passionate about a few subjects—history, art, music, and his collection of antique books. But a bright, nerdy young boy was given a lot of responsibilities at a very young age, and now he does things like plan a house party of potential brides, choosing three eminently suitable young misses in order to get the matter over with and settled.

Obviously, Tarquin has to be saved from himself. So obviously, his mother invites some old family friends to this house party as well.

The Camerons are an old family… respectable, in their way. Perhaps, ahem, notoriously eccentric, but rich and established enough that they are allowed to be. The Camerons love Romance with a capital R. They go on Romantic adventures (where they often die) and get into ridiculous Romantic hobbies (like building catapults, or recreating medieval poisons) and have no interest in anything practical.

Except, of course, for Sibyl. Sibyl Cameron is the black sheep of the Cameron family for managing to not be Romantic in any way. Not that she hasn’t tried to be. She spent most of her childhood getting into scrapes in an attempt to discover her Romantic side—nearly drowning in moats, falling out of windows and getting stuck in the ivy along the wall, that sort of thing. The fact that she was also doing these things because she had a crush on and then was in love with the slightly older Tarquin and was trying to be near him is immaterial. As Sibyl would be the first to say; Tarquin does not love her back. Tarquin tolerates her… although he has been quite the gentleman through the years, rescuing her from the ivy, rescuing her from moats, not losing his temper when he gets injured in this line of duty...

The one interesting thing about Sibyl, as far as her family is concerned, is her ability to predict the future. Of course, this isn’t magic. Sibyl is just logical and her family are predictable and that’s really all there is to it.

But now she is back around Tarquin, this time as a proper young lady, and forced to watch as three other very suitable young ladies compete for Tarquin’s attention.

What is also nice about this book is how many women characters are in it, and how even the three potential brides (the Three Graces, all rich, beautiful, and accomplished) are portrayed fairly kindly. Sure, two of them are not particularly bright but they were not raised to be and don’t really need to be, which is tacitly acknowledged. Sibyl’s problems with them are a combination of being the “plain” one in a room full of supermodels, and her thinking that none of them are right for Tarquin.

In fact, Tarquin’s family, friends, and servants, are all concerned about finding someone right for their slightly stuffy Earl who plans things a little too much. He needs someone on his intellectual level, but also someone understanding, who will encourage him to have a bit more fun.

(It’s Sibyl. They all want him to marry Sibyl.)

The whole book is about the various shenanigans that happen when everyone (but Sibyl) conspire to throw tiny wrenches in Tarquin’s perfect plans. Sibyl is simply being herself for the first time, fun and funny but also a sensible young woman who no longer tries to be a Romantic. And it turns out, a Sibyl who isn’t always constantly almost getting impaled on homemade lances or experimenting with slingshots and accidentally injuring Tarquin in the process is a Sibyl that Tarquin finds far more appealing.

The one interesting thing about Sibyl, as far as Tarquin is concerned, is… actually there are many interesting things about Sibyl for Tarquin to notice now that she isn’t breaking things or falling out of windows or knocking Tarquin into his ass every time they encounter each other. She’s smart and compassionate and funny, and his family adores her, and she’s learned useful things from all her family’s eccentricities, and really… in addition to having eyes that Tarquin keeps getting lost in, she’s quite pretty. And she doesn’t seem to mind when Tarquin isn’t perfectly serious all the time. In fact, she seems to like it when he lets loose a little.

Honestly, this is just a cute, light read, with a lot of screwball elements (although technically, Sibyl is not the one turning Tarquin’s world on its head, so idk if it counts as a screwball). Tarquin’s dignity takes a bit of a beating, but it kind of needed it. And he’s pretty good natured about it, all things considered. I like the descriptions of poor Sibyl, who loves stuffy, regular Tarquin but is in slightly lustful awe of rumpled Tarquin, going all weak-kneed to see him with stubble and messy hair. I like the scene of one of the poor Graces experiencing… well… a gastrointestinal upset and trying to hide it while Tarquin is trying to figure out how to politely tell her it’s okay for her to run to a toilet. (With no judgment, btw. A true gentleman.) I like the slutty but poor Scottish lord side character, Tarquin’s best friend and another Sibyl cheerleader, who must get his own book? Idk I will have to look. (Edit: he did not. Terribly upsetting.)

It was just very cute. Fun reread. Do recommend if you can find a used copy. I don’t think Ballantine is reissuing these, unfortunately. (Edit: I have been informed that you can get the ebook on Kindle) Are there plotholes and such? Does some of it seem (very) improbable? Such is the nature of screwball (and I suppose, screwball-esque). And I didn’t really care, in the end. It was fun, and teen!me must have loved it to remember it after all these years. Not for everyone, and I think we all could have done with less of the monkey, but overall, I enjoyed my reread.

[Tiff91 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED THIS BOOK!!!!

i loved every line of this book. i was reading it late last night i was laughing so loud i woke the hubby up coming to ask me is something wrong. not alot of books do this to me where i laugh so hard but this one took the cake

the 2 main characters were brilliant love my heroines just like this one funny smart and of course doesn't fall over backwards for the hero.

the secondary characters were just as good. THE MONKEY was the best part of it. like seriously when would a historical romance ever have a monkey as a pet haha!!

i would recommend this book to absolutely everyone and dare you not to laugh as hard as i did, one i will always come back to read.

[hannah]

i wish i loved this more because i do genuinely love the "this person i have known for years has always been a thorn on my side and i would never see them as anything other than that but oops wait what's that i think i'm having feelings" trope but sadly it took a lot of effort for me to get into the writing style and i wish the romance had been, idk... more? because the bones are there for a really great romance that i would have adored and instead what i got was fairly pleasant but nothing that really got me all that invested or excited to read.

[Frances · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a bad plot, very choppy writing, and a mismatch of historical dates that was unforgivable. The author seems to have taken everything from Nelson to Wellington, throw them up in the air, and then added them to her story without any understanding of dates, times, or significance.

[Catsalive · Rating 2 out of 5]

All a bit too silly for my liking, more farcical than amusing. Sometimes feels as if the author once read a Regency, then through out most of the rules that make a good one. Light-hearted fun for the most part.

[Marla Milligan · Rating 3 out of 5]

fun Regency Romance - easy read

[niteskycs · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars, childhood enemies to lovers the setup was really good but i wish the book was longer for better development of their relationship

[Candace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such fun and beautifully written. An ironic look at the ridiculousness of aristocratic life.

[Apricity · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rane's review on Goodreads is accurate - quotes are below:


THE EARL OF Hythe, who took a great deal of pride in the fact that he had never succumbed to the awkward and messy inconvenience of falling in love, was on the verge of salivating. Before him was a man's sweetest dream on creamy sheets, a treasure all but clamoring to become his. He reverently reached out one perfectly manicured hand and stroked along the elegant spine. "Beautiful," he murmured. "Utterly exquisite." Only heaven could have dictated such smooth, milk-pale expanses, such bold curves and delicate lines. And the colors, from the faintest blush of pink to glossy ebony, were of such perfection that any man's eye would be caught, his fingers itching to touch. Damn his rule about impulse. This was something he could not possibly resist having. "You are pleased with what you see, my lord?" The earl smiled faintly at the eager catch in his companion's voice. "Perfectly." Satisfied, he drew a deep breath and stepped back. "We are agreed on the price?" The book dealer mopped his shiny brow with a wilted handkerchief and gave his own shaky sigh.


He was so distracted that he almost did not notice the chair. A gift from Elizabeth Regina to the first Tarquin, then merely Baron Hythe, it had resided in cordovan leather splendor in the Great Hall for more than two centuries. Countless aristocratic bottoms had occupied its seat, leaving a majestic hollow. Tarquin grimly summoned a footman. Before the next patrician posterior sat, the small puddle would have to be mopped up. The Sixth Earl of Hythe was just optimistic enough to assume it had not been left there by one of his human guests.

[Miriamgreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

read 4 times is eight months
that must say something
about to read again
just about the most appealing title to appear since GHeyer stopped writing
Jensen nor other authors have come close

ok so now we have the pandemic and have read this 6 times in 16 months
and time to reread for 7th time
this is only Heyer standards

keep looking for titles to reread, library closed, desperate for satisfying escapes, have spent more than a hundred dollars on titles and I own an antiquarian and scholars bookshop. most of these titles should have waited for library to re open but am desperate. read all night to early morning.
cannot concentrate except for regency and this, this effort was superb
added Ap 2020 when out federal government has decided the states are in charge of themselves, except for taxes, and FEMA has become spoils of war for nepotist Kushner. have you ever lived through a kakfa surreal tv program like trump as apprentice president?

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was actually expecting to dislike this book, it looks so cheesy and there is a MONKEY in it. But it actually was very good and sweet, none of the usual cliche conflict between the hero and heroine, none of the unreasonable fights that make me roll my eyes at a book. One of the three girls in competition with the heroine was portrayed as a rounded and sympathetic character (I imagine she is the heroine of her own book, if I continue with this author) but the other two are simpering stupid fancy ladies that are very one dimensional.

All together, I wish I remembered where I had gotten this recommendation so I could return to that list or person and get more similar.

[Debra Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is priceless

For a truly funny book this book delivers. I know humor is subjective and what I think is funny others might find silly. I however thought this book hilarious. Give me a practical, stoic gentleman and place him in really ridiculous situations that would test the patience of most and you have laugh out loud moments throughout this book. Of course there is also the monkey.......

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not a perfect book, but every time I read it, I smile and giggle the whole way through. All the jokes are still funny, even though I must have read this story a dozen times. Thankfully, it was recently released to ebook so I didn't have to go down in the basement to find my paperback copy. And I could email another copy to my mother.

[Dina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is light historical romance, but I expected it to be funnier. Slow read, plot has a lot of holes.

[Lady Salford · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5
A quick sweet story.

[Camy · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Really funny, cute story, great characterizations. The only thing I didn't care as much for was at the end, where the romance seems a bit rushed. Otherwise, a really great story.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Silly but also quite charming. Reminiscent of a Tessa Dare novel (though obviously Jensen came first). I'd be curious to discover if her other novels are similar.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cute clean romance