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Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic
With a gimlet eye and scathingly accurate descriptions, Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic is a hilarious collection of newly classified yet instantly recognizable archetypes sure to enter the mainstream lexicon. From the office TGIF (the overgrown frat boy in the office who always says “party”) to the Lieberal (a Democrat with Republican sympathies), from Uncle Tomatoes (Italians who hate The Sopranos) to Cherohonkees (white Baby Boomers who dress like Native Americans), each profile offers a detailed description of everything from sex appeal and favorite pick-up lines to popular names and habitats. The result is both a brilliant parody and thorough outing of just about every neurosis, attribute, and personality type there is.
192 pages, Paperback
First published November 2, 2004
2 people are currently reading
82 people want to read
About the author
Robert Lanham
4 books3 followersRobert Lanham is the author of the beach towel classic, The Emerald Beach Trilogy, which includes the acclaimed works PreCoitus, Coitus, and Afterglow. More recent books include the satirical anthropological studies The Hipster Handbook, Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and other Creatures Unique the Republic, and The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right. Lanham's writing has appeared in The New York Times, Salon, Maxim, The Huffington Post, The Washington Post, Nylon, Playboy, TimeOut New York, and Radar and has been a guest on CNN and NPR to discuss his work. Lanham is the founder and editor of the trendsetting publication, FREEwilliamsburg.com—recently featured in a New York Magazine cover story about essential New York blogs—a publication covering the arts and culture of Brooklyn and Manhattan. Originally from Richmond, Virginia, Lanham moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn in 1996. Lanham is currently the employee of the month at Foot Locker.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
May 13, 2013
A prescient and hilarious classic, from the man who first tranquilized, tagged and tracked the hipster species. Just brilliant, and, nearly a decade on, it's STILL brilliant.
April 4, 2011
This book is a hilarious field guide to all of the “types” of people one is likely to encounter in city parks, shopping malls, and other places crowds tend to gather.
True, a few of the characterizations are dated. (This book was published in 2004):
Ring Worms are people who are addicted to talking on their cell phones.
Such would describe 98% of Americans in 2011.
The entry I probably enjoyed most was that for “The WB,” who is identified as
Individuals of an adult age who REALLY identify with Bugs Bunny characters.
I am pleased to see I’m not the only person who has marveled at the number of lower-class white men who think wearing Taz on their t-shirts immediately makes them tough.
I was rather confused by the “Enigmatard,” described as “a vegan animal-rights activist who wears lots of leather.” In my experience this is more often a mythical beast than an actual personality.
True, a few of the characterizations are dated. (This book was published in 2004):
Ring Worms are people who are addicted to talking on their cell phones.
Such would describe 98% of Americans in 2011.
The entry I probably enjoyed most was that for “The WB,” who is identified as
Individuals of an adult age who REALLY identify with Bugs Bunny characters.
I am pleased to see I’m not the only person who has marveled at the number of lower-class white men who think wearing Taz on their t-shirts immediately makes them tough.
I was rather confused by the “Enigmatard,” described as “a vegan animal-rights activist who wears lots of leather.” In my experience this is more often a mythical beast than an actual personality.
August 22, 2010
A must read for the people-watcher in your life!
August 10, 2015
This book was absolutely hilarious. While I didn't enjoy The Hipster's Handbook a great deal, this book I thoroughly liked. It cracked me up and just about every page made me think of someone I had either seen or spoken to.
The book is ridiculous and well worth at least a brief flip through.
The book is ridiculous and well worth at least a brief flip through.
June 9, 2009
Lanham is hilarious.
August 13, 2015
I'm a CROW. Now I feel found out. I even sorta look like the girl in the picture.
August 7, 2009
Funnier than the Hipster Handbook.
October 4, 2024
Food Court Druids is a humorous anthopology-like look at different sub-cultures in America.
Various examples include:
Happy Mondays - the overly cheerful office worker.
Unitards - People who dress in the sports gear of their favorite athletes
Kristen Kringles - Women who are obsessed with Christmas and Santa all year long.
Hexpatriates - People who act like American-bashing expatriates, but still live in America.
And the titular Food Court Druids - Teens obsessed with goth and fantasy who spend most of their time at the mall.
The book takes a teasing, light tone with the subjects and it's more how to understand these people than mocking them. Or how to avoid them, with groups like the Alpha Weasel (coworkers who backstab coworkers in an attempt to advance in a company as opposed to learning new skills).
The subjects cover a wide spectrum and you'll find examples on the far left as well as the far right, young and old, Christian and Pagan.
I should repeat this is a humorous book, so don't be offended if an example hits close to home. I see some parts of myself in some of these examples, especially Cherohonkees - white baby boomers obsessed with native american culture and a propensity for wearing clothes with wolves on them.
The book was published in 2004 so some of the examples are a little dated. With malls dying off there are fewer Food Court Druids and Lieberal would be confusing unless you remember Joe Lieberman's 2000 presidential run.
Ammosexuals and Yanknecks are less humorous with the increase in school shootings and alt-right acts of terror.
So, a fun diversionary read and can make for an amusing game trying to see if anyone you know fits any of the categories, but the datedness means I'd only recommend it if you find a copy in a used bookstore or really enjoy humorous culture books
Various examples include:
Happy Mondays - the overly cheerful office worker.
Unitards - People who dress in the sports gear of their favorite athletes
Kristen Kringles - Women who are obsessed with Christmas and Santa all year long.
Hexpatriates - People who act like American-bashing expatriates, but still live in America.
And the titular Food Court Druids - Teens obsessed with goth and fantasy who spend most of their time at the mall.
The book takes a teasing, light tone with the subjects and it's more how to understand these people than mocking them. Or how to avoid them, with groups like the Alpha Weasel (coworkers who backstab coworkers in an attempt to advance in a company as opposed to learning new skills).
The subjects cover a wide spectrum and you'll find examples on the far left as well as the far right, young and old, Christian and Pagan.
I should repeat this is a humorous book, so don't be offended if an example hits close to home. I see some parts of myself in some of these examples, especially Cherohonkees - white baby boomers obsessed with native american culture and a propensity for wearing clothes with wolves on them.
The book was published in 2004 so some of the examples are a little dated. With malls dying off there are fewer Food Court Druids and Lieberal would be confusing unless you remember Joe Lieberman's 2000 presidential run.
Ammosexuals and Yanknecks are less humorous with the increase in school shootings and alt-right acts of terror.
So, a fun diversionary read and can make for an amusing game trying to see if anyone you know fits any of the categories, but the datedness means I'd only recommend it if you find a copy in a used bookstore or really enjoy humorous culture books
June 20, 2025
I miss the 00s.
November 23, 2020
I have to admit, I did enjoy “Food Court Druids,” Robert Lanham's follow up on“The Hipster Handbook.” Here, he expands his “research” away from the simply “hip” to all American citizens regardless of their strangeness. By broadening his focus outward across all of the American culture and its many eccentricities, Lanham was really able to focus his brand of “idiosyncrology,” the playful “study and classification of individuals … based on their distinguishing behaviors” and exploit the humor inherent in so much of pop culture, crafting an indispensable guide.
Well, maybe not quite indispensable, but amusing nonetheless. I really enjoyed the art and the writing has an academic, yet easy style, well suited to a fake guidebook. A quick, fluffy read, I still find myself referring back to some of the entries when I encounter a perspective example of the people studied, whether at work, amongst friends, or even among family.
Well, maybe not quite indispensable, but amusing nonetheless. I really enjoyed the art and the writing has an academic, yet easy style, well suited to a fake guidebook. A quick, fluffy read, I still find myself referring back to some of the entries when I encounter a perspective example of the people studied, whether at work, amongst friends, or even among family.
April 3, 2012
I have always loved Robert Lanham's anthropological pieces, and this may be the last available to me (unfortunately). This one topped the others. I could not handle the hysteria released from me during reading this book. It is one of the funniest and most insightful things I have ever read. I honestly can think of examples in my life of everybody in this book. Before I read it I thought "Oh, its just gonna be a couple meager profiles of people i can never fully compare to real life". I have never been so wrong. The entries are accurate and ironic and hysterical and nothing must be skipped. One of the most entertainingly educational pieces of literature I've read. I suggest this for everybody (who is mature enough)!!!
April 6, 2008
ok, this book is mean, and crass. i guess i wouldn't recommend this to anyone. but he talks about cherohonkees (white people who are into native american stuff, like a t-shirt with a wolf and a moon, and a cheif. I had to wear diapers while i read this.
August 29, 2014
Before What White People Like, before hipster-bashing was a thing, there was this book. This book was into hipster-bashing before hipsters were a cultural blight. Cute and entertaining, and makes one nostalgic for days gone by.
May 1, 2007
Stays on the back of my toilet. When guests are over, it is not uncommon to hear uproarious laughter coming from my bathroom.
Want to read
September 11, 2007he also wrote the hipster handbook. ????????
August 27, 2009
Holy shit this book is funny.
August 9, 2016
Interesting premise based on idiosyncrology. Some of it was funny, but most of it was too sarcastic for me.
Read
July 25, 20112009- A very funny quick read. Hope you don't find yourself among the pages!
January 9, 2012
a great book to pass the time and laugh and laugh and laugh. double points for every person you know that fits one of the profiles.
April 1, 2012
Laugh out loud funny, this is an unforgettable book you will keep telling other people about for years!
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews