Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting: The Codependency Connection

by Patricia O'Gorman, Philip Oliver-Diaz

Self-healing through self-parenting, a concept introduced a generation ago, has helped thousands of adult children of alcoholics who are codependent and have conflicts in their primary relationships. Now Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D., and Phil Diaz, M.S.W., authors of the classic book The 12 Steps to Self-Parenting for Adult Children and its companion workbook, expand the reach of that successful healing paradigm to anyone who has suffered from any kind of trauma. Whether they grew up in a dysfunctional home, were victims of violence, or suffered other types of acute distress, many people struggle to determine the impact of earlier trauma on current adult decision making. O'Gorman and Diaz show how trauma is a driver of dysfunctional behaviors and linked with codependency, and they offer a concise yet detailed resource for survivors and thrivers as well as the professionals who work with them. Through a process modeled after the 12 Steps of AA, Healing Trauma Through The Codependency Connection offers help to a broad array of readers (not just those who are ACOAs) by healing the wounded inner core and helping readers reconnect to their inner child.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology

264 pages, Paperback

First published April 3, 2012

Reviews

[Emma · Rating 1 out of 5]

Started off great. Seemed insightful but quickly spiralled into craziness as more pages were turned. There were several outlandish and kooky statements that spoiled the rest of it because it's inevitable that a writer will lose all credibility once they have started saying things like "every thought or feeling is prayer" and "nothing could really hurt [Mary's] true self because that self was inside her earth suit and untouchable...the real part of her had not been raped or beaten...Mary began to understand that her spiritual self can be hurt but is always intact.

Um... What?

More worrying still is the victim blaming that seems to go on. The author says if victims of trauma think positively they will be happy and live happily ever after even after unspeakable horrors but if they think negatively about their experiences they are the ones making their life into a horror movie.

The author believes that frequently telling ourselves things like 'I believe in a benevolent universe that is always sending me love' will somehow allow reader to move forward after traumatic events.

Um... No.


Just no on the whole book.

[Bray · Rating 1 out of 5]

It started off really insightful and well researched. The early chapters addressing what trauma is, where we can get trauma from, what trauma looks like on a daily basis… all of that was well done. However, the actual “manual” for how to self-parent really loses sight of the focus of codependency. It shifts from a clear and present thesis and how to help oneself, to a vague scope of how can we help our own trauma responses. It provides very little insight into codependency once it addresses how to actually self parent. The next criticism, take with a grain of salt; five out of twelve steps of “healing” are faith based actions. Only once did they address that the reader may express belief in religion vs spirituality. The actual self-help portion is so limiting. The affirmations are rooted in traditional Christian prayers. It’s not even an issue of just needing religious connection to “heal” yourself, it’s that you must believe in the Christian God. Absolutely not. There is a place for religion in healing, publishing a book focused on teaching self-parenting to counter codependency without any reference to religion at all is beyond inappropriate. Not once in the text did it ever mention religious trauma, which is another significant source of traumatic experiences. This book may be helpful to some, but I certainly will not be recommending it.

[Sara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Harmful statement after harmful statement. Luckily so many better mental health books have been published since. Read one of those, especially if you don't want your trauma invalidated by these authors.

[Glenna McCarthy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was personally touched by the clarity and familiar behavior traits that demonstrated by survivors of trauma. I love reading anything that gives me awareness of self and therefore others

[LemontreeLime · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not for me.

[Ishtar Soulfire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Audible, didn't leave much of an impression. I don't remember much a year later

[Yuliya K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic read

[Elizabeth Black · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't find this book very helpful. It would make statements like, "be optimistic" and "it's important to parent yourself," but then not provide any detail on how to do any of it. Just blanket, vague statements of what to shoot for. Meh.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this for class, it wasn't bad and easy to read. However, we may have benefited with something else