Dating and the Single Parent: * Are You Ready to Date? * Talking With the Kids * Avoiding a Big Mistake * Finding Lasting Love

by Ron L. Deal, Dennis Rainey (Foreword)

From bestselling author, speaker, and therapist Ron Deal, one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country.  
Part of Ron's Smart Stepfamily Series of books (over 250,000 copies sold) including The Smart Stepmom, The Smart Stepdad, Dating and the Single Parent, The Smart Stepfamily Marriage, Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily, and The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning . 
Trustworthy Stepfamily Expert Offers Single Parents a Guide to Dating

Single parents who are dating or want to begin a dating relationship wonder, How will dating affect my children and my parenting? They probably have figured out that "dating in a crowd" is complicated. Now they're looking for help. Ron Deal, who has counseled single parents and remarried couples for many years, helps single parents--as well as those who date them--navigate the potential pitfalls involved. He gives perspective on when a relationship may be harmful to the children as well as how it can be a blessing to all. Always at the forefront is the goal of strengthening families. Includes questions for individual or group study.

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage, Parenting

240 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2012

Reviews

[BJ Richardson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was required reading for a class. Deal seemed to be incredibly pessimistic a large majority of the time, but considering the fact that more than 2/3 all remarriages end in divorce, I guess he has the right to be. Honestly, as a single guy who hasn't been on a date in half a decade, and who has no interest to change that anytime soon, this book isn't really for me. If you are from a Western (American) culture and are considering entering into a blended family relationship then this book would probably a good point of entry into making sure you are knowing exactly what you are getting into. His scripture application is rare and weak. His self-promotion (other books, seminars, etc) is very, very strong.

[Rebecca Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not single or dating, but this as a required book in a marriage and family counseling class I'm taking. I really feel like I learned a lot from the book--enough for me to understand why blended families are so difficult to actually blend and why they so often fail.

I also found that Deal had some great things to say about marriage and families in general, and I copied many of those things into my reading journal.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is frank, practical, and thought provoking. It addresses the hard questions and even harder realities of dating when there are children in the mix, whether minor children or adult children doesn't matter; the pitfalls are there.

This book is written from a strong Biblical perspective, as one might expect from Ron Deal, but this book is an integrative work, bringing together spiritual principles and hard data from rigorous scholarly study.

Notably, this book accommodates reading from the perspective of the parent and the perspective of the non-parent dating (or contemplating dating) a parent. The book encourages its readers to do the hard work of relationship building. This includes defining the relationship (out loud, with each other) at every step; taking no shortcuts; and being willing to let one's head lead over one's heart when the match is not a good one.

This book is good reading for one who desires to do well in the next relationship.

[Lesley Dzik · Rating 5 out of 5]

After the devastation of divorce (or death), discovering someone who is interested in you can be so unexpected that the euphoric feeling of "I'm not forgotten, damaged goods!" can be intoxicating... and mess up your judgment and life, big-time.

This practical, compassionate, informed book gives truly useful guidance and wisdom in addressing areas that will likely otherwise blindside the single parent's dating. Dating as a single parent is so unlike single non-parent dating, whether we realize it or not!

The author is a trusted expert in stepfamily dynamics, a licensed therapist, Christian husband and father, leader of the Blended Family ministries of FamilyLife. Totally recommend.

[S Abraham Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un gran paso y una gran decisión

Todo me ha gustado de este libro tiene mucha información y muchos consejos valiosos que te ayudan a tomar una mejor decisión el El Paso importante que quieres dar en tu vida de matrimonio !
Me gustan los consejos que hablan para con los hijos !!
Recomendaría este libros a muchas amistades que creo que han tomado decisiones si saber de esta Manual tan interesante !!
Y la valorización que le di es porque toda la información que trae es de muy buena ayudas para mi vida y creo que la vida de muchas personas parejas que lo han leído deseo Dios le siga bendiciendo y le siga dando esta sabiduría y talento ..

[Erin Hearts · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has good advice. I soaked it up. want to follow most of his suggestions to make sure I honor my son's needs when I choose to move through the steps of dating and introducing him to my partner. One thing that did distract me is that the author is very religious. He does mention his views on the Bible and such multiple times. It wasn't a complete turn-off for me, but I would prefer a secular or spiritual outlook, rather than a religios one if I choose a book in the future. I didn't notice this religious slant when I read the sample, so I felt like it was a tad surprising.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book seems to give some good advice, however, I really hated the way the author mentions his other books, online questionnaires, seminars, etc constantly. I felt like I was reading an infomercial script. A little bit of advice.... a lot of encouraging you to buy more products.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for those considering dating!

This book provides lots of helpful information and things to consider for those who are considering dating after a divorce or death of a spouse. I highly recommend this book and other resources from Ron Deal.

[Trish Liesa · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I believe the author comes on too strong to seemingly scare people from the big mistake of rushing in, I think once you get past that part of this read, there is good value here. Some practical tips and tried-and-true suggestions.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for a class I was taking. I found it very insightful. I would recommend to any single parent.

[Jennifer Summers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy and quick read, but full of research and insight for couples to consider before blending their families. Much of this could also apply to blending families with adoption.

[Nicole DeVries · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of helpful things to consider for anyone starting to think about what’s next after a divorce or death of a spouse.

[Stacie Wyatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book, in exchange for review from Bethany House. I read Dating and the Single Parent within the last week and I truly enjoyed this book. I didn���t read the book from the beginning, but started at chapters most relevant to me. I chose this book because one day I want to date, but I need to date the right way, versus may way. I also have two special kids, which adds additional challenges to dating.

The first section, which stood out was Appendix 2, the sample purity pledge. I am currently celibate. Some days I want to date, but I need to date within God���s guidelines. The book listed activities for dating couples to engage in, such as light kissing and hugging, without being sexual or giving in to temptation. The book also discussed how couples should get a mentor to talk to, if they are tempted. Finally, the section provided bible verses, which related to sexual purity.

Next, I enjoyed the first three chapters, which discussed dating with kids and dating readiness. The book states that individuals need to have a purpose in dating. The purpose need to have God put first. The book also discussed how people are selfish in dating. Some people date to find a (wo)man for them, companionship for them; love for them, but neglect to think about how the (wo)man will affect their kids. How will this person influence the kids? If a man is willing to date me and my two kids, I should consider how he will affect me, as well as them. His influence can affect their lives for eternity, which is why the couples should share similar spiritual beliefs (p. 31).

People also need to determine if they are truly ready to date. Individuals need to look at past dating patterns. Have you matured and learned from those relationships OR are you still stuck doing the same thing (p. 33). Do you trust God the same, more, or less during relationships? Do you put God to the side when dating? Do your mate believe in God? Can you trust the person? How does he treat the kids? How do the kids treat him? All of these questions need to be answered when pursuing a Christian-Godly-based relationship.

Other things which stood out in the book:
Not rushing dating or marriage. Take your time to get to know the person. Stay true to your purpose. Get to know them on a mental, instead of a physical level.
Trust in God to manage the relationship.
In many cases, the kids and the significant other will compete for attention.
Date for at least two years before considering marriage. Don���t date for at least two years after the divorce.
Discernment Discernment Discernment. If something don���t feel right, leave.
Know how your personality affects relationships.

I loved this book. The book was just what I needed right now.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of great advice, questions and points to consider. I would recommend this to both the single parent and anyone who’s considering getting involved with a single parent or already is. It really helped give me a better picture of what all sides (the single parent, the new partner, the children) deal with during the process and how to move through divorce (or death of a spouse) and towards healing in healthy ways. By no means will this book tell you “yes you’re ready to date” or “your relationship is fantastic, move to marriage” – instead it gives you a very grounded in reality look at what life is like when you are no longer the “nuclear family” unit.

For those that aren't Christian, there are many references to faith in this book which may seem off-putting (I’m a Christian and some of the purity aspects were a little off-putting to me and felt a little like a lecture), but despite that, there is a lot of great, sound advice in these pages if you’re willing to look past some of that and confront reality of what life is really like post-divorce or death of a spouse and moving into dating and possible remarriage. Be willing to look within yourself, be honest with yourself while reading this book, and be open to hearing things you might not want to.

[Allen Battle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book before you begin dating as a single parent. It can potentially save you a lifetime of grief. the years of practical experience that Deal brings to this are invaluable wisdom for those who usually go into new relationships blinded by "love" and end up in situations that the do no not want to be in later. written from a strong evangelical perspective, Deal brings to real life experience with thousands of couples infused with godly counsel.

[Aaron Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alot of good material and very "to the point" instructions of what needs to happen for a healthy familyship not just couple ship between people where one of the parties is a singe parent. Even beneficial for the party that isn't the parent.

[Meisha Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Very helpful. Gives insight into what to look for, what to avoid and how to help your kids adapt. My mom was reading it for her Masters class and asked me to take a look. I read the entire book in about 3 hours.

[Maria Deckard · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of it was common sense, it seemed like a quarter of the book was devoted to promoting their other products.

[Chrissy · Rating 4 out of 5]

a God inspired look at getting back in the dating pool after divorce with kids in the middle.

[Katie Luman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this for one of my marriage and family therapy classes but its a great read and I would recommend it to anyone who is a single parent.

[Ambrosia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good reading

It wasn't difficult to read and had sound practical advice. This is definitely a good tool in learning about blended families and remarriage.