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1 pages, Audio CD
First published March 26, 2020

I have glasses that are an absolute must, since otherwise, I'm blind as a bat and walk into a lot of walls. I've tried not wearing them in hopes of walking into a hot guy instead. Didn't happen. I did stumble into an angry janitor once, who sprayed me with a bottle of Windex and yelled at me. It wasn't a love match.
"Is this the right time to mention that running, and exercise in general is against my religion?" I ask as we drop our things in our lockers.
"And what religion is that?"
"I worship on the altar of Mars Inc. and Hershey Co."
"It’s your dream. I will do anything to make it happen for you."
He lifts his head and smiles at me. “Sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I swear. It’s just… Snickers body. You should have your own podcast or something. I’d listen to every episode. I swear.”
“I’ll call it The Dad Bod Pod with Andy. Don’t forget to click subscribe.” I roll my eyes.
“Are you sure?” Law asks.
I nod. “As death.”
Law’s lips twitch. “Well, that’s romantic.”
I push at his shoulder. “I was trying to illustrate my level of commitment.”
“You really are one of a kind.”
It’s intimate as fuck to be so open in front of somebody like this, and it should feel like too much, but it’s Law, and with him, there’s no embarrassment or insecurity. Only need. All-consuming and limitless need.
I rub my hands together excitedly. “It’ll be great,” I announce. “We’ll start tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at six.”
“Six!” he yelps. “My alarm clock didn’t come with the six a.m. option.”
“It’ll be great,” I assure him once more.
Andy opens the front door wordlessly. He steps out and takes another disgusted look at me. “I rue the day I met you,” he announces.
I laugh as I watch him sulkily trudge down the stairs.
My mood is great for the rest of the evening.
That makes me do a double take. “What do you mean? I have years’ worth of data. You can’t just dismiss my research like that.”
“No. What you have is comparisons. Unfavorable ones, it seems, which means you, my friend, have done something extremely unscientific and cherry-picked your data.”
I gasp. “Are you questioning my methods?”
I want to wave him off and say it’s nothing, but it’s Law. We’re friends, first and foremost. There isn’t, and never has been, any room for games between us.
He’s the Wayne to my Garth. Wallace to my Gromit. Shrek to my Donkey. Batman to my Robin.
Law is quiet for a moment before he sighs and says, “Fine, five times a week.”
“Two,” I counter.
“Four, but we’ll go for a hike one of those days.”
“Two days and a hike. That’s my final offer.”
“Three days and a short hike,” Law says.
“Fine,” I grumble. “You get three mornings, a hike, and my eternal hatred.”
“Deal,”
“The… the makeover thing?” I ask. Shit, this is going to be embarrassing, but I can’t seem to stop myself. The alien mouth syndrome strikes again. “I call it Project Hero in my mind. You know, turn the sidekick into a hero.”
I refuse to look at Law. I should have just kept my mouth shut.
We’re both quiet for a moment before Law starts speaking again. “I don’t know if my opinion counts, but I love spending time with you. My solo gym sessions are super boring now that I know what it feels like when you’re running next to me and cracking me up with your jokes. Or right now”—he gestures toward the TV—“just hanging out has been more fun than I’ve had in forever. You’re smart and dedicated and nice. Not to mention you’re also doing me this huge favor that might very well be the key to getting my career on track. You’re a good person, Andy Carter, and as far as I’m concerned, that makes you a hero in my book.”