Not My Kid: What Parents Believe about the Sex Lives of Their Teenagers

by Sinikka Elliott

Teenagers have sex. While almost all parents understand that many teenagers are sexually active, there is a paradox in many parents’ they insist their own teen children are not sexual, but characterize their children’s peers as sexually-driven and hypersexual. Rather than accuse parents of being in denial, Sinikka Elliott teases out the complex dynamics behind this thinking, demonstrating that it is rooted in fears and anxieties about being a good parent, the risks of teen sexual activity, and teenagers’ future economic and social status. Parents—like most Americans—equate teen sexuality with heartache, disease, pregnancy, promiscuity, and deviance and want their teen children to be protected from these things.Going beyond the hype and controversy, Elliott examines how a diverse group of American parents of teenagers understand teen sexuality, showing that, in contrast to the idea that parents are polarized in their beliefs, parents are confused, anxious, and ambivalent about teen sexual activity and how best to guide their own children’s sexuality. Framed with an eye to the debates about teenage abstinence and sex education in school, Elliott also links parents’ understandings to the contradictory messages and broad moral panic around child and teen sexuality. Ultimately, Elliott considers the social and cultural conditions that might make it easier for parents to talk with their teens about sex, calling for new ways of thinking and talking about teen sexuality that promote social justice and empower parents to embrace their children as fully sexual subjects.

Genres: Sociology, Nonfiction

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2012

Reviews

[d4]

I read this with just a passing interest as a sociology student who has taken one of Dr. Elliott's courses at NCSU. Parents and sex-educators would benefit from the recommendations within. Fortunately, I don't have to have "the talk" with my son Sora as he is literally a dog (and neutered, at that).

Elliott shows the similar focus of both abstinence-only and contraceptive sex education: the danger discourse of teenaged sexuality, based upon a false dichotomy between adolescence and adulthood.

It's interesting to me; it elicits a lot of personal reflection upon my own views of sex (especially when reading about the mothers obviously traumatized by their own experiences and passing on their distrust of the opposite gender to their children). I wonder about my mother's opinions and experiences, but it is something she would never discuss. When my mother found out that I was in my first relationship all she said to me was that she didn't want me to make the same mistakes she did. She never enlightened me as to what those mistakes were or how I was to avoid them myself.

Yada yada... I'm using up my 2G for the month while I reflect on circular thoughts that more likely than not will lead nowhere. Also: zero relevance to book review.

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very academic, half the book pages were footnotes. Still with the parent interviews it was better than textbook reading. Lots for me to think about as a parent with a teen and pre-teens!

[Marquito James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Love the interviews that she took. I wanted a different ending but it was okay. It made me want to explore and hear both arguments of how do we introduce sex education to our children.