Pray the Gay Away: The Extraordinary Lives of Bible Belt Gays

by Bernadette C. Barton

In the Bible Belt, it's common to see bumper stickers that claim One Man + One Woman = Marriage, church billboards that command one to "Get right with Jesus," letters to the editor comparing gay marriage to marrying one's dog, and nightly news about homophobic attacks from the Family Foundation. While some areas of the Unites States have made tremendous progress in securing rights for gay people, Bible Belt states lag behind. Not only do most Bible Belt gays lack domestic partner benefits, lesbians and gay men can still be fired from some places of employment in many regions of the Bible Belt for being a homosexual.

In Pray the Gay Away, Bernadette Barton argues that conventions of small town life, rules which govern Southern manners, and the power wielded by Christian institutions serve as a foundation for both passive and active homophobia in the Bible Belt. She explores how conservative Christian ideology reproduces homophobic attitudes and shares how Bible Belt gays negotiate these attitudes in their daily lives. Drawing on the remarkable stories of Bible Belt gays, Barton brings to the fore their thoughts, experiences and hard-won insights to explore the front lines of our national culture war over marriage, family, hate crimes, and equal rights. Pray the Gay Away illuminates their lives as both foot soldiers and casualties in the battle for gay rights.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Religion, Sociology, Sexuality, Queer, Politics

304 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 2012

Reviews

[Emma Sea · Rating 1 out of 5]

On the one hand, Barton gives us solid research, good writing - if firmly academic in style - and thick, rich data.

On the other hand, unrelenting misery to read. *head desk*

I thought this would have been improved by some discussion of Terror Management Theory. Fundamentalist Christians react so strongly to homosexuality because it threatens their internal cohesion as subjects. Admittedly, knowing that that doesn't help when you've been kicked out and disowned. Man, humans can really suck.

1-star because really, not a pleasant read, and didn't throw any new light on the topic. More like, "Hey, you know all those terrible stories about Christian homophobia in America? They're all true, and here, have a dump truck more examples because you were looking way too happy today."

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fascinating book. It was not quite what I had expected; the presentation is much more scientific that I would have imagined. However, I do not intend that as a criticism. Rather, it gives the book added credibility. I found it very interesting to read about the psychological and cultural underpinnings of conservative Christianity's hatred of homosexuals and the struggles and triumphs of Bible Belt gays and lesbians in the face of culturally and politically sanctioned oppression. The author is more fair than I would have been; she carefully humanizes people who would rather their children be murderers than homosexuals, placing this clearly irrational belief into its context. A whole book could be written on the psychological dysfunction inherent in a group of people who unquestioningly follow religious authority without exercising any critical thinking skills, to the point of disowning (or exorcising) their own gay children, and cling to a literal reading of the Bible to the point of denying science and anything else that conflicts with this medieval worldview, retreating from an evolving society in the process; this work focuses upon the consequences of that belief system to gays and lesbians, and as such it succeeds in illustrating the immense obstacles faced by openly gay and lesbian citizens of the Bible Belt. Their often heroic stories make for inspirational reading.

[Peacegal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book caught my eye when it came in on Interlibrary Loan. What must it be like to live in a microcosm in which everything from billboards to bumper stickers proclaim you are a filthy sinner who doesn't have the same rights as everyone else? Barton gives us a peek into the lives of gay people who live, work, and love in the American Bible Belt.

The section of the book I found most thought provoking was a devastating rebuke to the common homophobic rant, "I don't care what they do, but why do they have to FLAUNT it?" In reality, straight people flaunt their orientation constantly--we just don't notice it, because it's as much a part of our atmosphere as oxygen. Every engagement announcement, every wedding ring, every statement that begins with "My husband" or "My girlfriend"...flaunts the straight orientation. I hadn't thought of it that way, and if you are straight, I bet you hadn't either. Eye-opening.

[Simeon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very heavy subject matter but a very interesting and important read. I feel validated having grown up in the Bible Belt and now knowing people share similar feelings, thoughts, and fears about coming out.

[Mason · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigger warning: homophobia, religion, parental rejection, conversion therapy, racism

I feel weird about this one. On one hand, it is important to present the experience of queer people living in the Bible Belt. But this book is completely doom and gloom. I’m queer, I live in the Bible Belt, and while I had a similar upbringing to the one discussed in the first three chapters, my life now isn’t miserable and horrific.

In the introduction, the author discusses how frustrating it is for people from New York and California to see these experiences and just assume that gay people should leave, which is something that drives me crazy too. But then she never presents another side of life in the Bible Belt.

I came to Kentucky three years after this book was published, and there were 4 towns that had fairness ordinances on the books, preventing anti-LGBTQ discrimination. Lexington had theirs for 20 years before this book was published. One town, Vicco, KY, became the 4th town in KY to pass a Fairness ordinance when they elected a gay mayor. Several times, the author references the “Fairness Alliance” (the Fairness Campaign) and that they’re working for LGBTQ equality, but never touches on what that looks like.

I wish the author had included a chapter on the gay adults who live here happily and what their lives look like. It’s an important ethnographic perspective.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting but tough read. As someone born and raised in Kentucky, I was initially a bit embarrassed at the reactions of some of the people mentioned in this book--they definitely fit the "hillbilly" stereotype that people from Kentucky are often subject to. However, the book was honest; nothing written seemed made up or embellished to reinforce those stereotypes.

It also made me recognize some of my privilege. As a Black woman I am on the low end when it comes to privilege, but being a straight Christian does have inherent undeserved privilege that I need to actively work to dismantle.

[Zane Carey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliant touching book that really informed me, a new englander, the situation of Bible Belt gays. I haven't dealt with 90% of what happened in these books, and this inspires me to teach others the risk of spirituality vs. gay dilemma. Also, even though I am not gay, in my transgender life I have experienced the 'dont ask dont tell' situation and seeing this is words, articulated by someone else, makes me feel only more kinship to the lgbt+ community.

[Cari Gillette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a very informative read.I suggest my friends that grew up in the Bible Belt read these stories and studies about how the church/conservative Christians have negatively impacted the lives of many people of the LGBTQ+ community. This is written as a research project so there is a lot of information but as a reader it gives more credibility to the book.

[Merritt Tompkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

that was depressing

[Stephen Cranney · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had a lot of promise but ultimately was a little disappointing. It was an opportunity to take a nuanced look at the paradoxes and complexities facing Bible Belt gays, but ultimately the whole book could be boiled down to "look at how mean these people are." Occasionally there were signs that she was going to take the former approach (e.g. her point that her LGBT NYC friends overreacted when they thought that they would be physically assaulted in Kansas, or her citing the study that showed that southerners were more likely than NYC people to confront a homonegative waitress berating a gay couple), but they would get buried pretty quickly.

The stories highlighted didn't seem representative, and it seemed like the most sensational ones were emphasized for effect. This certainly made for interesting/entertaining reading, but I got the sense that she was almost trying to project a stereotype of the South. This sense I had wasn't helped by the digression into the Creation Museum, which is a completely separate issue and seemed like an attempt to lump all southern silliness together.

[Kiwi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did quite enjoy this book, really. I opened it expecting it to be quite academic and found it to be so; I thus didn't find that disappointing (and was accustomed to it) but could understand why others would find it a bit duller than expected. I'll admit I wasn't all too impressed with her sampling method--the snowball survey, how many couples she chose, the spread of diversity--and wouldn't take much from it scientifically as a study, although I did enjoy the anecdotes and statistics. The scene it set was very gloomy and realistic; I was grateful for the hopeful end.

Honestly, it was nice reading such a new factual book. I'm so used to reading old ones that seeing things referenced from within a year ago was quite refreshing!

Some great lines and ideas in this book, too, as much from those interviewed as from Bernadette herself. I may have to look into her other book; I've always been quite interested in the lives of sex workers and strippers (meant only with authentic curiosity and not negative judgement).

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I grew up Pentecostal, so it was hard to read such an elegant breakdown of my childhood religious culture. The black and white mindset she describes is so on the nose. This book is a valuable tool for any progressive who really wants to understand WHY conservative Christians think the way they do. If you really want to change their hearts, you have to understand the way they live and think. Talking to them like a fellow progressive doesn’t work. I gave her four stars (4.5 if I could) because of an omission I thought was critical considering the subject matter: What about pray away the gay camps? Those places that the religious right sign away their children to where they are left with “counselors” who antagonize them night and day. She mentions ex-gay ministries but I was very surprised there wasn’t even a throwaway line about these places. They’re in the news every so often.

[Nikki Miskey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a hard book to get through, mainly because of the depressing topic. I had to take several breaks. But I am glad to have read it. The author provides a well researched and thorough account of the experiences of Bible Belt gays, and I think it's an important read for those that are looking to understand the struggles those living in this area face. The author tries to present a logical and well reasoned discussion about conservative Christians, and approaches the topic both from a personal and an academic perspective.

[Liz De Coster · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good balance of theory of interviews, providing a very thorough look at the lives of queer men and women living in the "Bible Belt". Barton isn't totally impersonal, and provides enough context that the book doesn't feel voyeuristic despite the intensely personal content some of the interviewees share.

[Joseph Hirsch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trying to pray the gay away seems crazy to me, but only slightly less crazy than certain social sciences, especially ethnography. Because the author, Bernadette Barton, is a lesbian who immerses herself in the Bible Belt and writes of her own past and experiences during "Pray the Gay Away," much of the book is an ethnography, and sometimes an auto-ethnography. It's at these points that the book becomes a solipsistic, almost insufferable exercise in navel-gazing.

Parts of the book, however, have merit and are well-worth reading. The section on homosexuals trying to reconcile their sexuality and their Christianity were poignant and fascinating, even if from the perspective of their old fellow parishioners their actions may have smacked of syncretism, if not outright heresy.

Dr. Barton is sensitive to the feelings, beliefs, and experiences of her research subjects, some of whom are her students, but she is also not (entirely) condescending to the religious beliefs and precepts of the families these people came from, whose responses to their children's coming out ranged from banishment (there's a heartbreaking vignette about a father who takes all the furnishings from his son's dorm room, when he discovers his orientation) to a microcosmic version of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy the Army once adopted, wherein a religious but kindly mother might welcome her daughter and her "friend" to Thanksgiving Dinner, and even enjoy the company of her daughter and her partner, provided no open shows of intimacy occur and the dinner table remains a politics-free space.

Things really fall apart when Dr. Barton takes a group of her bi/gay students to the "Answers in Genesis" Museum to view the creationist dioramas and to explore the world of the Young Earth Creationists. This is described by the author as a traumatic encounter, in which she's reduced to the progressive's fractal view of violence and aggression as anything which she doesn't like or even vaguely suspects may be at work. When the tour ends, students feed into each other's victim complexes by exaggerating (or may inventing whole-cloth) stories of various AIG personnel giving them the stink eye or something. It's a comical straining toward a manufactured conflict that cheapens some of the other incidents recounted in the book, which, in the Deep South, really can be life and death affairs for those brave enough to risk coming out of the closet to the wrong person at the wrong time.

Ultimately I found it to be a mixed and uneven, at times disingenuous, addition to the growing canon of LGBT studies. You might dig it, though.

[Brady McLean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an excellent piece of research and one of the few studies on LG experiences of Christianity specifically in the Bible Belt. Most of all, I appreciated Barton using her own experience to aid her research, referring to her living in the Bible Belt as an ethnography 20 years in the making. Even though Barton is not from the South, she does a good job of incorporating literature that better explains the cultural phenomenon that is the Southeastern U.S.
Now I do have a few bones to pick. First, this is clearly from 2011 but Barton awkwardly navigates gender nonconforming expression through her findings but never truly includes trans identity in this. She only speaks about her participants LG identities- yes, this is a research decision and one tied strongly to the decade published but this demonstrates what future researchers should better examine. Secondly, Barton continuously frames non-disclosure of sexuality as contributing to social stigma around LGBTQ+ identities. As a scholar, I understand her argument, but as a Southerner, I feel like this is a daft statement and demonstrates lack of understanding of the structures of Southern culture which she previously explained: personalism.All of this to say, this is an excellent piece of research and an important one for rural sociology and sociology of religion, albeit dated.

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novel was very informative and taught me a lot about the lives of Bible Belt gays. I had read this class as part of an Introduction to LGBT Studies course in college and I found it to be super relevant to the discussions we had in class and the importance of the effects of Christianity on lesbian and gay folks. Although the work is now a little dated (it was written before the national legalization of gay marriage) it still contains plenty of insight on the lives of those living in the Bible Belt.
I highly suggest reading this, especially if you are a Christian who may have unsettling feelings about homosexuality. It is not a novel that bashes Christianity; rather, it respects the mindsets of conservative Christians and teaches how most Christians do not condemn homosexuality out of hate, but instead out of love for their friends and families. However, the effects of this "tough love" might be harmful to LGBT folks and this novel explains why.

[Helle · Rating 4 out of 5]

It has been particularly interesting to read books on queer lives pre-2016. In 2023, I find that is becoming increasingly necessary to be able to articulate the ties between fundamentalist Christianity and fascism. Barton lays out that connection well by intersecting lived experience with theory. My only personal complaint with the book is the graphic depictions of suicide and suicide attempts, that I feel others who may be sensitive to those topics (namely those with similar stories) would benefit from a little warning, as the graphic stories intermix just as readily. However, I do believe in the necessity of sharing these realities and don't believe censoring the traumas faced. Barton does each interviewee justice and humanizes herself throughout the book, making it clear that this isn't just research - it's real life.

[hailey 🐐 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked the book and would definitely recommend this book to someone especially someone that has struggled growing up being gay in the bible belt so they could relate to the stories in the book and realize they are not alone. I would also recommend this book to someone that believes being gay is wrong because this book does a good job explaining how being gay is not wrong and how people that do believe it’s wrong is really doing more harm than good in their community.

[Jeremy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful book. Comes from a secular perspective examining the Bible belt. It's a bit dated, and I can't say that the author seemed to understand the internal perspective of bible belt Christianity with as much nuance or empathy as I would like. Nevertheless I'm glad to have read this. Probably a 3.5.

[Tobey Brock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book I have read about being LGBT and comparing it with "The Bible Belt" way of thinking. The author does interviews with LGBT community members of ALL different ages...not just teens which I thought was good.

[Jules · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Bible Belt Panopticon was the theoretical basis of my thesis

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid ethnographic piece about a neglected side of queer, American life. I would have wanted a better developed theory (vs. smatterings of theory here and there), but it was a methodologically rigorous and deeply informative.

[Megan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn't going to review this on account of I didn't make it past the introduction, but you know, I think it bears saying.

I was hesitant to pick up this book because the cover said "The extraordinary lives of Bible Belt Gays" and the blurb talked exclusively of gays and lesbians, but there was a quote on the back from Scott Herring that called it "a wrenching appraisal of queer life in the Bible Belt." I'm not ashamed to admit I'm instantly suspicious of people who limit their acronym to the "LG" or "LGB," but this guy wrote a book with "queer" in the title, so I decided to give Ms. Barton a chance.

Then, on page 19, still in the intro, Barton argues for an "undifferentiated homosexual." Bi folk are automatically filed under "straight" or "lesbian/gay" depending on what sort of relationship they are in (so by that logic a butch lesbian who's not in a relationship is straight, because they aren't in a same-sex relationship at that time?)

What really pissed me off is the fact that trans people don't even get an entry in the index. Barton is willing to admit her scope is limited by geographical distance and her pool of interviewees are almost exclusively activist, but we couldn't even get a throwaway line about "yeah everyone here is cis because I don't know any trans people/no one came out to me as trans during the interviews/I don't believe in trans people/I hate trans people?"

Also, in her version of the extended acronym the t stands for "transgendered" and the a for "ally." I know this was written in 2012, but #yikes.

[Candy Wood]

Considering that part of the motivation for this sociological study was a homophobic comment by a neighbor, I’m impressed with the care Bernadette Barton takes to avoid demonizing evangelicals like that neighbor. Her interviews document the struggles of many gays and lesbians, mostly in Kentucky, to affirm their own identity in the atmosphere of hatred fostered by many churches. As a participant-observer, she explored the methods of the “ex-gay” movement and concludes that those methods are not very effective. She describes a college class field trip to the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY, as a chilling example of narrow-mindedness that discourages independent thinking whether about the origin of human life or about the sinfulness of same-sex relationships. Barton argues that by casting gay men and women out, fundamentalist congregations lose the positive contribution those people could make as well as harming them. The whole book is thus a guide to knowledge and understanding, and very readable to a non-specialist.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This books reads like it is a sociology book, which is not surprising given that the author is in fact a sociology professor. This is not at all a problem for me because I was a sociology minor and find that a large majority of non-fiction books that I enjoy belong in a similar category. I only mention it because the book is written in a more academic fashion than your casual reader might appreciate.

The content of the book is based on sociological research via interviews with a number of gays living in the Bible Belt. Barton comes at the issue of what it's like to be gay living in areas where people are prone to be homophobic from a variety of perspectives. It's essentially distilling the stories of people's lives into broad themes.

I thought it was a really well written book examining what is sadly a really complicated subject for many.

[Miller Sherling · Rating 4 out of 5]

So interesting! I'd give it a 5 for topic and importance, a 3 for editing, so there's your average. Does good job moving between anecdotes and theory/analysis. Anecdote near end almost made me cry from recognizing this particular quality I love in Southerners, or maybe sometimes love. Did really good job articulating something I'm only just starting to understand from thinking hard about racism and white privilege, in which you see that white people make race, and their discomfort around it, the problem of the racial other and expect it to be fixed by the other. Likewise, homophobia works by having heterosexuals always treat problems of closeted-ness or coming out or their own discomfort be a problem "caused by" the homosexuals. She explains this far better than I. :-)

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew this would be an emotional read for me – and I was right. It stirred up all kinds of emotions – anger at the way some of the people were treated by their families and their churches, sorrow, fear, and sympathy, but it also gave me a sense that I am not alone in having been hurt by bad church environments and judgmental people. That made me feel some comfort. At other times, though, this book was very hard to read. It was very well researched and well-written, covering many different aspects of living in as a gay person in a religious area of the country. I found myself underlining passages, able to relate so much.

[Rebecca Herman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book, yet maddening and sad that some Christians are the way they are on this topic. I wish the author had reported more about the Christian churches out there that are welcoming and affirming of LGBT people. I'm happy to be a part of the United Church of Christ and the Alliance of Baptists, two types of churches that are open and affirming towards LGBT people. The book talks about the importance of hearing the personal stories of LGBT people and I believe that is true.

[Embracing the Spectrum · Rating 3 out of 5]

Barton does a great job showcasing the lives of gays in the Bible Belt. The interviews are enlightening and her perspective is insightful. The book does seem to drag on toward the middle because it gets repetitive, but perhaps that's because what gays go through is consistent across the entire region.