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This Will Hurt #1

This Will Hurt

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Standalone | Part I of II | Angst | Awakening | Friends to Lovers | Single Dad | Slow Burn
Maybe the heart needs to break before one can put together the pieces correctly. This is Jake and Roe’s story.

I used to think leaving the Marines and moving to LA was the defining moment that changed my life. I was gonna become a documentary filmmaker and see the world through my camera. Then I met Roe Finlay.

Never in a million years could I have imagined…well, everything we went through. I sucked at expressing how I felt—which was emotionally stunted most of the time—but Roe seemed to get me. I became…dependent. Attached. Not in a sexual way or anything—I wasn’t gay. Far from it. Or bisexual like Roe, for that matter. No, this was different. I just wanted to be close to him. He made me laugh like no other. We were a fantastic team. We lived together. Worked together. He was my best friend.

He was everything. He was my defining moment.

Until he decided to commit to his f—to his girlfriend.

228 pages, Paperback

Published May 9, 2023

347 people are currently reading
4202 people want to read

About the author

Cara Dee

97 books4,082 followers

I'm often stoically silent or, if the topic interests me, a chronic rambler. In other words, I can discuss writing forever and ever. Fiction, in particular. The love story—while a huge draw and constantly present—is secondary for me, because there's so much more to writing romance fiction than just making two (or more) people fall in love and have hot sex. There's a world to build, characters to develop, interests to create, and a topic or two to research thoroughly. Every book is a challenge for me, an opportunity to learn something new, and a puzzle to piece together. I want my characters to come to life, and the only way I know to do that is to give them substance—passions, history, goals, quirks, and strong opinions—and to let them evolve. Additionally, I want my men and women to be relatable. That means allowing room for everyday problems and, for lack of a better word, flaws. My characters will never be perfect.

Wait…this was supposed to be about me, not my writing.

I'm a writey person who loves to write. Always wanderlusting, twitterpating, kinking, and geeking. There's time for hockey and cupcakes, too. But mostly, I just love to write.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 230 reviews
Profile Image for Marci.
572 reviews306 followers
July 10, 2023
such a deeply unsatisfying ending…i kinda love it! I’ve been craving non traditional romance stories lately and this fit the bill!! so much mess. can’t even fathom how said mess will all unravel but im excited to find out!! 👀 im tired of perfect people making perfect choices!!! give me mess!!! also cara dee really wrote one of the best sex scenes I’ve ever read in here. she didn’t come to play! yes there’s only one!! but it’s a showstopper😌 also the found family goodness in this!!!! excellent. good soup.❤️ the way that jake’s internalized homophobia is depicted made me ache. it’s so heart wrenching and i wanted to scream at his (not found) family!!!! *that* family should be lost and never found again etc etc 😔😡😤 to the bin ya go.

this is only the second cara dee book I’ve read, I’m so hyped to read more!🥳 friends, what is the correct stand alone or series to start with?👀
Profile Image for Amina .
1,319 reviews34 followers
May 16, 2023
✰ 3.5 stars ✰

“I could be confused about pretty much everything and still feel in my heart that Roe was supposed to be mine.”

anigife

With a title like This Will Hurt I I fully expected for my heart to be broken and my tear ducts to overflow as I continued reading. I kept waiting for that emotional punch that would hurt my heart. Instinct told me to wait till Volume 2 was released before reading. My gut told me not to let this be the first book I read written by Cara Dee.

I should have listened.

Not that I didn't enjoy it - I just didn't feel that there was anything special about it, especially enough for it to hurt me that Jake and Roe's relationship panned out the way that it did. If anything, I felt mostly hurt at how much Jake has had to shut down himself so much so in his life - how is upbringing and family values and strict parenting has forced him - compelled him to close off the part of him that he wants to acknowledge but can't. 😢😢 That was painful to read and my heart really went out to him, because his own inner thoughts and wants were clearly conflicting within him and making it all the more difficult for him to be around Roe.

“We could fight like any other pair of friends, but we solved things fast. The rest—I mean, we were the definition of a well-oiled machine. When we were quiet, the silence was comfortable. When we talked, we lost track of time. He made me laugh like no other, and I knew it was mutual.”

Jake and Roe had such a wonderful friendship - two completely different condor chicks fated together - who would never lose each other - stuck together for life. It was nice to see that as the years went by, their relationship grew from college friends, to work colleagues, bartenders, video bloggers and so on, that as their business venture expanded - so did the people who made up their lives.

Jake had a beautiful boy, Colin, with his girlfriend, Nikki, and even though, they weren't married, I appreciated how great a character, Nikki was - how understanding and still fully committed to the their parenting arrangement was, despite the many obstacles the two of them faced as they went forward in their careers. How she didn't openly judge Jake for his actions - how she knew the truth, but never overstepped, how she gave Jake and Roe the opportunity to be such loving caring supportive father figures for Colin - it was good for Jake to have such positive support by his side.

“I glanced back at the screen as 2010 reappeared.

“Jake meets Roe, and nothing was ever the same.”

I swallowed again, picturing the year to come. Pages that were still unwritten.

2014. “Jake gets demoted to secondary character.”


For as it is with all good things, there has to be a downside, too - and that comes to fruition when Roe has to make the decision of marrying his girlfriend, once she reveals that she's pregnant. Where Jake suddenly realizes that he'll no longer be center stage in Roe's life - the supporting character - and it doesn't hurt that at the same time as this epiphany, he suddenly sees that he may have feelings for him that may be 'more than just friends'. And when one Las Vegas trip to celebrate Jake's 30th with a grand birthday bash results in the two of them exploring and expressing their desires for each other, in ways none of them are able to address afterwards - you know then, in your heart, that this is going to hurt... 💔💔

“Considering I didn’t exactly know what my truth was, putting him first was the only way to go.

“Yeah, I got scared,” I replied quietly. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

A breath gusted out of him, and he reached forward and grabbed my hands. I clutched his instinctively, and a stream of warmth slithered through me for a couple seconds. That still felt so good.

Being close to him.

“We’re in this for life, bro,” he murmured. “You’ll never lose me.”


But, despite all the wonderful qualities that made it an enjoyable read, there were two key set-backs that made it difficult for it to stand-out more so. One significant point will have to be the single-POV take. I've always been one who didn't seem to mind when it wasn't a Dual POV-book - but, in this case, I really think it should have been. Because --- and again, this is only me probably over-thinking, as I am prone to do, wouldn't it have been more beneficial for us to know Roe's thoughts about the current present situations now rather than having a whole book dedicated to his POV, where not only are we having the story progressing further - but, now we're going to even have instances where previous scenes will be played back, so we can get a glimpse into his mind at those moments.

And that's even to say that his feelings of how he felt when he came out as bisexual will be mentioned - or that unforgettable life-changing Las Vegas birthday - or even his wedding - and his 'hoping against hope'. It'll just be too much to mention when the lives are going forth and it'll be too hard not to ignore if it's not EVEN MENTIONED at all. 🥺

Okay - that's one point covered - if any sensible reasoning was drawn from it.

My second reason for it not being as enjoyable is definitely a personal one - when Jake started recalling the montage of memories at Roe's wedding - I swear, this one video kept playing in my head, featuring the OTP of my hearts - Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tooru from Haikyuu!! (If you've never heard of them - Google them, devour their fanfics, ogle their fanarts, let them take over your lives, as they have mine for a number of years)

Youtube Video - HERE

So, having already seen a story-line slightly similar to this - I wasn't able to feel that ache to the heart for Jake - I did feel bad, but the situation was so reminiscent that it just didn't hit that emotional mark with me. Recalling the history of their friendship was a strange touch - I know it probably resonated well with a lot of readers, so like I said - this was definitely a me-thing.

Still, I'm very much looking forward to Roe's POV, because I do think there's a chance that the real hurt is finally about to set in, as they take the next step in their lives and what future awaits them in their journey ahead together. 🥺
Profile Image for Lilly [Hiatus due to School] .
939 reviews441 followers
May 8, 2023
“I loved him…and I still chose to forever hold my peace because I was so fucking lost that I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

Where to start? A story truly fitting of its title. We have Jake and Roe, two men from different backgrounds who meet during a filmmaking course in Los Angeles. These two forge a close friendship, become like brothers, and pursue their dreams together. We follow them through the years as they go through relationships, have children, grow their production company, and even a marriage. However, at the centre of it all is their deep friendship and love for one another.

The story is told through Jake’s POV, and we have a front seat to his deep-seated trauma regarding affection and sexuality as he tries to untangle his feelings towards Roe. We get flashbacks from his past and a particular incident from his childhood that he repressed.

“Fuck, all this was her fault. She was to blame for my issues with affection and sexuality. She was the reason I overanalyzed a goddamn hug. It was her fault I, for some bizarre reason, forced mental images upon myself when I was just trying to get off like a normal man.”


The chemistry between Jake and Roe was amazing. You feel their connection deep in your heart. This book is not steamy at all, but it was emotionally intense. It’s a slow-burn romance of two men who thought they were straight, one of which has to work to unlearn years of hateful religious doctrine which he internalized from his mother. In addition, despite what happens between them sadly fear and the possibility of losing their friendship paralyzes them.

Me? Calling him? No, I wanted to spend every fucking minute with him. He was the guy I never called because he was right next to me. He’d caught my panic in Norway. He’d been there for every drunken ramble. He’d made me open up.”

Cara does an amazing job of making you feel all sorts of emotions with her writing. I wish I could shake both of them, mostly Jake. I was sucked in right from the beginning. While this is book one of a duet the cliffhanger wasn't so bad.

Overall I really enjoyed this story and can’t wait for part two. If you enjoy Cara’s writing, slow burn romance, friends to lovers, single dad, and an emotionally intense story, I recommend it.
411 reviews31 followers
April 26, 2023
Never has a title of a book summarised what it feels like to read it in 3 words.

This story hurt emotionally, the angst and the situation between Jake and Roe was like a severe rollercoaster where it’s fun, then scary, then exciting, then you feel sick wondering if you’ll feel better again.

I love how Cara has written their story. It is a slow burn but it didn’t really feel like that, it felt right in its timing, you’re there when Jake and Roe meet and you go on this journey with them surviving and working towards a future that’s their passion.

You get to enjoy that passion as their dreams come true, but you witness this natural love form between them which I’m not even sure they were aware of like we are. It’s beautiful. But you know something is around the corner, it’s like you can sense what it is, when you know something is going to happen and you don’t want to watch but you do anyway.

This story deals with every emotion you can imagine, I love their chemistry and friendship. The steam was hot and realistic as it needed to be for what happened. I also must say I would love to try the Tequila Licker, that was hot.

I loved these guys equally, but I also wanted to slap them. I just got too emotionally invested and I just couldn’t process the outcome as it had me all over the place, and now I remember why I don’t like reading a series or duology until they are all released, as the wait for Part II is going to kill me.

Cara really shines in this writing style for me as she knows how to tap into the readers mind to make them feel everything the characters are, and to get more involved than you need to be. Such a great story so far. So glad I read it.
Profile Image for Cadiva.
3,994 reviews435 followers
April 23, 2023
So, so good. This opener was everything I didn't know I needed until I started reading, and I have ALL the feels.

The story opens with a Prologue which takes the reader back in time for a quick glimpse of how Roe and Jake met.

Then we get to go along with them over the next few years as their travel series picks up steam and success starts coming their way.

There's a similar feel as with Cara's If We Could Go Back, in that the friendship between them is definitely more than just the normal working partnership.

On the journeys they take, what you're really getting is a beautiful insight into a relationship that is deeply involved, sometimes with hints that it could be more.

But Jake is straight, he has a son with his ex and he's never had any sexual thoughts about any man.

After Roe comes out as bisexual though, the story changes as we get the feeling Jake has a lot of repressed memories relating to something his mother told him when he was a child.

I particularly loved how slowly this plot unfolds throughout the book. Cara has a deft hand at drawing you right into the heart of both these men's heads and the genuine love that exists between them on a truly platonic way.

Neither is afraid to say that they love the other, but the sense of something lingering quietly is always there.

Of course, nothing is simple and there are decisions made that seem baffling at first glance, but you have to trust in the author and her ability to craft a narrative that you know will have a happy ever after eventually.

This is book one of a duet, don't expect a resolution here, there isn't one, there's not even a relationship between them other than the incredibly close friendship.

Still, there's expectation in the air, realisation things could be different, and hope that they'll wake up to what's really been a partnership in more than just business since the day they met.

I cannot wait for book two!

#ARC kindly received from the author in return for an honest and unbiased review.
Profile Image for Cyndi (hiatus).
750 reviews45 followers
May 14, 2023
3.5 stars - I should have waited for the second part to come out before reading this one. I considered it, but the comparison to If We Could Go Back made me go all grabby hands and now I have regrets.

This was Jake and Roe's origin story, told through Jake's perspective. Over the span of nearly four years (one chapter per year), they grew a business, a brand and a friendship together and became solid pillars in each others lives. Of course, feelings of the non-platonic variety developed and things got quietly complicated (quietly because said feelings were never discussed in an open or honest way). I thought this was an interesting take on the "bi bestie falls in love with oblivious straight bestie" trope because the thing that kept them apart wasn't a character being a himbo, it was repressed trauma and gobs of internalized homophobia. It was heartbreaking to see Jake struggle with pervasive thoughts and illogical reactions that didn't align with who he knew he was deep down or how he felt in his heart. I hated the decisions he made and the times he said what he thought he should say instead of what he wanted to say, but it was impossible to fault him for any of it because it came from a place of love mixed with fear. While this book did hurt at times, I have a feeling the next book is where most of the pain awaits. At least there will be a happy ending to soften the blow.

One thing I have to mention is that I didn't like the weird flashbacks at the end. The memories were just a copy and paste of the actual moments, which I had already read. They might have landed better had they been revisited in part 2, but this book was too short for them to hold any emotional impact for me. Instead I was like, yeah man, I know that happened. I was there.

Part 2 is out on June 2nd. If you're impatient like me, I recommend waiting for it.
Profile Image for Ky.
589 reviews89 followers
May 7, 2023
* 5 stars *

If you loved If We Could Go Back, this story is definitely for you. But don't let that limit you. The two stories have few points in common, it's mostly the general feel of the story and the wide arc that spans many years. Another common thing is the friendship between the MCs who were strangers when the story started.

It's been a while since Cara Dee has written a story like this one and it was like a breath of fresh air for me. I'd read and loved anything she puts out there, but I had missed the contemporary vanilla relationship stories from her. This one was the perfect little break from The Game series and the suspense stories. Like a palate cleanser as we get ready for more. And there's still another part coming!

Roe and Jake's story starts while they're both broke and trying to start a new chapter in their lives by changing career paths. They meet and immediately set off on a weekend getaway to film the pilot of a travel series. That sets the tone for their friendship and the years to come. Many things change in their lives; they meet new people, they change houses, they have relationships, and they break up; they scrape to make ends meet, and they make money, but through it all the one constant is them doing everything together—traveling, filming, living together.

They're best friends, and they complement each other in many ways. When one lacks confidence in something the other one makes it up, creativity and knowledge flow between them, and they push each other to be better, to try new things, and to test their comfort zones. They're there for each other, and they're solid.

Then Vegas happens, and everything changes. But what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas, right?

This first part is just the beginning of their story, which is about their friendship and their support for each other. It doesn't end in a major cliffhanger, but This Will Hurt is a duet. The second book is coming out in less than a month, and I'm very excited that I get to read more about Roe and Jake.


~ Copy provided by Bayou Book Junkie for my reading pleasure. A review wasn't a requirement. ~
Profile Image for True Loveislovereview.
2,851 reviews1 follower
May 29, 2023
They are best friends for years, they work together at a bar, have the dream travel-job together, cross the country together, they even live together.

One day Roe told Jake he was bi. Immediately an almost forgotten indoctrinating scene from the past flashes before Jake’s eyes, it’s quite heavy and gives him anxiety attacks.

We can follow them through the years. From filming to bartending at a gay bar, to running podcasts, they share every minute together.
They had relationships, Jake has a child with Nikki. Roe had some girlfriends, but nothing serious. Jake and Roe are each other’s everything.
Then, after years, Roe tells Jake a life-changing thing.
I was like omfg noooo.

What a read, with a title on point, a journey full of rich content, we’re taken on a ride through time with Jake and Roe, every moment is interesting, every talk I hang on their every word.
An extraordinary story, I read it in one sit. It’s full of feels. Their story isn’t finished, I have to trust the author for a hea, I have to!
Profile Image for Alexandra.
240 reviews35 followers
Read
May 31, 2023
time of death 50%. I couldn't get into this. It's sad, Cara Dee was one of my insta buy author :(
Profile Image for Papie.
875 reviews186 followers
June 29, 2023
3.5 stars
The first half was so slow. I loved the development of their friendship, but it was really just that. And I was wondering if I should really hang in hoping for more.
And then it was finally there.

The heat. Cara Dee is the queen of sex scenes. There is very little sex, but what is there set me on fire and gas me wanting more. 🔥🔥🔥

There is a lot of work talk, which had me bored at times. The BFF contest show was also unnecessary.

Basically, as usual, I’m here saying it could have been just one book by removing about half of this one (and I’m assuming half of book 2).

But I can’t wait to read more! 😘
Profile Image for Renée.
1,172 reviews413 followers
May 10, 2023
4.25 stars

Loved it, but not as angsty as I thought it would be. Maybe Book 2 will have me crying. The pain that was present, once Jake figured himself out, was definitely there. And it was a good moment for readers to experience. I really loved these two guys.
Profile Image for yaishin.
904 reviews117 followers
August 17, 2023
so. damn. good. i don't have time to waste on a review while I could be reading the next book bye.
Profile Image for Sarah.
1,005 reviews87 followers
November 9, 2024
Slow-burn, interesting take on friends to lovers, not the typical romance read. This story is oddly fascinating in a slow kind of way. I couldn’t put it down yet also found the content kind of mundane and almost boring. This is a very well written example of someone who has internalised homophobia, there is no ridiculously quick sudden turnaround to loving dick. Jake is genuinely traumatised from his religious upbringing and can’t see the truth to his feelings for a very long time. How this slowly dawns on him is well done. Can’t say this is super enjoyable as it’s angsty and the inevitable clusterfuck that is approaching fills me with dread but I think the book is very aptly named. Immediately starting book 2.
Profile Image for Ariana  (mostly offline).
1,680 reviews96 followers
May 24, 2023
4,5 stars

I really enjoyed the heck out of this. For me, without any doubt, one of the best things I’ve read so far this year.

Jake and Roe are the best of friends, work colleagues, room-mates and ‘brothers’.
Two guys who spend every single minute of their lives together, building a successful business and developing a very close relationship.

While Roe is the ‘sunny’ part of this duo, Jake is more introvert and can be socially awkward.
I think neither expects being anything more than brothers. But the chemistry between them is huge, the connection deep and their bond strengthens year by year.

While Roe realizes at one point that he is bi (which is – as I read it- down to his feelings for Jake) and has no problems with that, Jake has a habit of putting his head in the sand when the word ‘gay’ floats around in conversations or his head or, indeed, anywhere else.
His strict religious up-bringing is throwing a huge spanner into his acceptance that he has feelings for Roe that definitely go beyond brotherhood.
And then there is Vegas, and I could not believe that both men are so willing to brush all those feelings under the table!

I ached for Jake. He is, in his own words, ‘a fucking shitshow’. We can see that he's in love, but there's no chance he can acknowledge that to himself. The constant pull-and-push between his emotions, his brain and the doctrine his mother imprinted on him is exhausting and saddening. For him and us, readers!

‘This Will Hurt’ is a very appropriate title, particularly in the last 10% when Jake finally has his Eureka! Enlightenment, just at the very moment when Roe
I agree with some readers that Jake’s flashbacks in this scene are slightly too lengthy. A shorter version of each memory (maybe a few sentences or so) would have not been as disruptive to the reading.

All in all though, this is a fabulous book of self-discovery, and Jake is really just beginning to work at self-acceptance and dealing with his parents.

Can’t wait for book 2 and Roe’s POV!
Profile Image for Alec ⚣.
71 reviews75 followers
May 13, 2023
I decided to read this book, and I wanted only one thing from it: to make it hurt, make me cry if it can. The title practically promised me that. Also I thought the premise, the context, of the story was just perfect to accomplish that. But I was wrong.

It didn't hurt, not really. Because although the premise did make the story emotional, it wasn't enough to make it actually hurt. And the reason for that is POV, and there's only one here, Jake's, and it didn't really deliver the hard-hitting emotions I was looking for. I mean, I sympathize with his trauma, but it was just so easy for him to overlook the truth and dismiss his feelings and take the easy way out. Where was the internal conflict, the struggle, the emotional turmoil? Nowhere. And I understand why, because he's repressed. But that doesn't change the fact that his POV didn't really give off intense emotional vibes. Traumatic, homophobic, uncomfortable? Yes. Emotional? Not really.

But you know who could have delivered the internal conflict, the struggle, the emotional turmoil, all that good stuff? Roe. He was straight, then he met Jake, and he wasn't anymore. And for years, he pined and hoped against hope that his feelings would be returned. And there were so many opportunities throughout the story for Roe to take over the narrative and deliver the really good emotional stuff. And I can't, for the life of me, understand why the author didn't take those opportunities, because Roe's POV would have made this story hit so much harder, maybe even heartbreaking.

And I know. I know that it's all I talk about, but POV does make or break a book because it shapes how the reader experiences the story. So to sum it all up: it was an emotional story, but reading it wasn't an emotional experience. Still, I liked it and can’t wait for Part II.
Profile Image for ☆Kylie☆.
431 reviews13 followers
June 22, 2023
I know this will sound bad but I don't really remember much about this series, only that was okay and enjoyed enough to read the next one
Profile Image for AussieMum.
1,393 reviews56 followers
April 24, 2023
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

I devoured this in less than a day. It was one of those page turners where you tell your family to fend for themselves while you’re reading and to only interrupt if there’s blood.

This book jumps in at the beginning when Roe and Jake first meet. We move through the years as a genuine friendship develops alongside a working partnership. These two are absolutely the closest that platonic friends can be.

Only feelings develop.

And complications arise.

Life stuff. Family stuff. Relationship stuff. Work stuff. All keep the two from changing their friendship to a romantic one.

I was totally invested in this. I loved exploring the world with these two. Seeing them grow and become super successful. Famous even. But at the heart of it was always these two men.

These two are the epitome of perfect for each other. But it’s the age old “right place at the wrong time” and my poor heart was breaking at times.

This doesn’t end on a traditional cliff-hanger. More a pivotal part of their story that really, really, really makes you want to read part 2.

The title says “This will hurt.” And I know it’s coming. Cara Dee is going to rip my heart out. Hopefully before she makes life right again.

Absolutely loved this.
Profile Image for ML.
1,601 reviews1 follower
June 6, 2023
A very apt title because this book definitely HURT. Told exclusively from Jake’s POV.

Jake has repressed his true nature for all his life. It was truly painful to read at times.Roe was his shining light. Best friend and business partners.. their relationship was truly wonderful to see develop.
BUT…
Things get messy and as only Cara can do and not seriously piss me off. Roe takes a tangent no one wants for him. Least of all Jake.

It will be interesting to read how all the threads will be tied together to make this an HEA because it is as far away from an HEA at the end of book 1. Yikes.

⚠️⚠️ TWs. Homophobia, internalized homophobia and conversion therapy.
Profile Image for Rielle.
569 reviews68 followers
May 11, 2023
Well, that did hurt.

I kept wondering when it would happen too. This book was just sweet and wonderful and I couldn’t imagine it being angsty. Then I saw I had less than 20% to go and suddenly remembered this is a duet. The emotions hit hard then and didn’t stop the rest of the way.

I need more.
Profile Image for Jamie.
1,156 reviews95 followers
October 13, 2024
I’m not sure how to explain this book without giving so much away.

This book is told from Jake’s POV. Jake was a Marine vet. He had dreams of becoming a documentarian. He was also going thru life kind of numb. He had always felt that was just the way he was. He definitely had some trauma relating to his parents, specifically his mother but we only got snippets. He was a genuinely good man but something was holding him back

Once he met Roe, his world kind of opened up. Roe brought so much energy and enthusiasm. Their friendship was such a wonderful partnership. They truly complimented and balanced each other.

There was this kind of melancholy undertone to the book that gave me a sense of impending heartbreak. While not spicy, the emotional connection was intense.

I received an ARC of this book. All opinions are my own.
Profile Image for Ro {semi-hiatus}.
275 reviews19 followers
September 6, 2023
oh god i just KNOW IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IN THE NEXT BOOK 😭 this was entirely from Jake's pov and not knowing wtf was going through Roe's head had me in a tizzy, ok. a tizzy. only getting one side of the longing makes it even more agonizing.

Jake is a retired-marine with a love of photography and a lackluster presence in relationships. his conservative background and war trauma have lended a hand in making him reserved and closed-off from most people. until he meets Monroe, or Roe as his friends call him.

Roe is a few years Jake's junior and an extrovert to boot. he's excitable and adventurous and balances Jake out in all the right ways. even at their first meeting, Roe goes right up to him, as if they were old friends, and proposes a project idea without even getting introductions out of the way first. but his brilliant personality is exactly what Jake needs.

before their vlogging idea ever gets wings, Jake is surprised when his girlfriend Nikki gets pregnant. a year later, she throws him out but they fall into a steady friendship with awesome co-parenting that helps Jake divide his focus between his son and his Roe. the two workshop traveling videos, a podcast, a youtube channel, and a steadily growing social media presence. their work centers on the trips they take together and their home life... because they also live together.

unfortunately, that conservative upbringing gives Jake more PTSD than war ever did. when Roe comes out as bi-sexual, Jacob immediately blanches and while he enthusiastically supports Roe and everything he is and does; a new feeling starts to unsettle inside him. DUN DUN DUNNNN. he's gay. homie is gay. or at least on the gay spectrum. but denial is par the course for these things isn't it?

with their lives fully intertwined in every meaningful way, Jake denies that his draw to Roe is anything but platonic. for nearly two years, they remain friendly, traveling and living in tandem like a well-oiled machine that would make the world stop if it broke. or something like that. until Jacob's 30th birthday.

proving just how well he knows and loves Jake, Roe throws the best birthday bash and despite the news that Roe's supposed-to-be-ex-girlfriend is actually pregnant and looking for a ring, lines are crossed. with emotions running high and Jake finally admitting to himself that there's more to him and Roe than friendship, he gives into his need and the only smoke show scene in the book happens. it's a goodie, even though the only penetration happens with fingers. a bj on a hotel balcony overlooking the Bellagio? go off, kings.

but the post orgasm bliss doesn't last long when the next day, Roe is in a spiral over his future. wanting to reassure Roe and keep a tight grasp on their friendship, Jake lies to Roe and tells him their tryst was just fear of losing him. and with that comfort (excuse me, the LACKTHEREOF) Roe fully commits to marrying his pregnant girlfriend and their fate is sealed.

Jake lives in denial for months. his son grows, he resents his parents more and more, he gets closer to his baby mama, and he ignores all the changes Roe is going through aside from becoming a dad. but when the day arrives, the smothered panic Jake is living in, rears its head. his love for Roe keeps him from giving in and he watches his best friend marry a woman he doesn't love. instead of objecting and confessing all, he is comforted by Nikki– the only person in the world who knows what Jake is feeling for Roe. with her propping him up, he lets Roe go and puts himself in therapy. the next book will pick up in Roe's pov where he will come face to face with Jake's therapy journal and discover.. who knows? not me cos i haven't read it yet.

the angst doesn't live here just yet. there's some pangs and some wistfulness and frustration, but i appreciate that Cara didn't focus too much on forcing us to witness the two go through a slew of relationships just hurting the fuck out of each other endlessly because they're too cowardly to say something. i have no idea what part 2 looks like but part of me wants Roe to SUFFERRR even though i guess he's not really at fault but way to drag out my chance at a happy ending into a second book by marrying some girl when ur soulmate is literally right in front of your face. the nerve. the gall. the audacity.

oh and special shout out to the mf Tequila Licking Jake & Roe special. when i tell you i shivered? aye aye 🌶️🔥🙌🏼

okay here i go. i better suffer and that ending better be worth it because i am already prepared to mark this as one of my fav duets and if my pain isn't capitalized on so the happy ending can heal parts of me i didn't know were broken, then i am gonna throw something.
Profile Image for Holly.
220 reviews283 followers
May 8, 2023
**I received an arc of This Will Hurt part I by Cara Dee and these are my honest thoughts**

You know how If We Could Go Back by Cara Dee is quite literally the greatest book to ever exist? Well the vibes bestie, the vibes are similar and that is all you need to know.
•••

Now, This Will Hurt is a true duet but don’t let that stop you from devouring book one. The separation between 1 and 2 however isn’t the worlds worst cliffhanger. It’s more of the end of one chapter of the lives of these besties and the beginning of the next. It works and doesn’t leave you feeling hollow like most duets.

I don’t want to give away too much of the actual storyline because I thoroughly enjoyed going in blind but I loved the set up of book one. Cara gave us all the details of how Roe and Jake became Roe and Jake. From their friendship started to Jake questioning his sexuality. It really makes you feel connected to these two in a way that I almost feel more invested in what could possibly happen with them.


This review is chaos but read it. Just do it.
Profile Image for Ele.
1,319 reviews40 followers
May 16, 2023
Pretty good. I wish I had waited for the second book to come out though...
Profile Image for Tiffaney.
407 reviews12 followers
July 22, 2023
This book did HURT.

This is Cara Dee at her absolute finest.

This book made me fall back in love with mm romance. I had hit a slump. Nothing has connected with me in a long while. I devoured this book. I loved everything about it. It’s everything I want in my mm. The friendship, the slow burn, the first time. Yes there’s only one sexy scene and it’s mind blowing The found family. The great female characters. Just GAHHH FUCK. I loved their story. It was painfully angsty and I loved every second of it.

*dives headfirst into book II* 😫🥺🤓
Profile Image for book_reader_addict.
563 reviews34 followers
May 14, 2023
Love this book! The ultimate friends to lovers ❤️ slow burn❤️ I love Cara Dee’s writing, and it’s painful to wait for the next part of the story, I need it now!
🌶️🌶️🌶️
Profile Image for Stéph62Hapiot.
973 reviews6 followers
May 13, 2023
3,75

Une début prometteur, j'adore les slowburn et les friends to lovers donc tout est réuni ici pour passer un bon moment. J'aime beaucoup la relation entre nos deux personnages, leur connexion et j'ai hâte de lire la suite.
Profile Image for Guy Venturi.
1,081 reviews1 follower
October 20, 2023
Love has many different variations and options

Jake and Roe begin as fellow students, but Roe proposes a partnership to produce short travel documentary videos and still pictures for social media to introduce low cost tourism near major cities to help get viewers interested in places that they may not be aware of for scenery and education in local commerce, history, and culture.

It soon becomes popular and expands into more videos with commentary with sponsors and professional productions.

As the business grows, so does the travel and scope of productions. The team grows along with found family. But not everything is as it seems.
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