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Don'ts For Husbands
Don'ts for Husbands and Don'ts for Wives are facsimile editions of the original books published by A&C Black in 1913. Each pocket-sized book contains hundreds of snippets of entertaining advice for a happy marriage, which rings true almost 100years after they were written. The reissued titles are ideal Christmas stocking fillers, and gifts for weddings, engagements and anniversaries. Advice appears under the following chapters: 1. Personalities 2. How to Avoid Discord 3. Habits 4. Financial Matters 5. Evenings at Home 6. Jealousy 7. Recreation 8. Food 9. Dress 10. Entertaining 11. Household Management 12. Children About The Author: Blanche Ebbutt wrote the original editions of Don'ts for Husbands
73 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1913
36 people are currently reading
242 people want to read
About the author
Blanche Ebbutt
16 books6 followersBlanche Berry born 1866 Hyde, Cheshire.
1881 Pupil-teacher in Hyde (aged 14.)
1891 Married journalist William Arthur Ebbutt in Stockport.
1894 Son Norman born Lambeth, London.
1898 Son Alan born Hornsey, Middlesex.
1901 Resident at Coulsdon, Surrey.
1913 Her two advice manuals were published.
1946 Died in Staines, Middlesex aged 79 years.
1881 Pupil-teacher in Hyde (aged 14.)
1891 Married journalist William Arthur Ebbutt in Stockport.
1894 Son Norman born Lambeth, London.
1898 Son Alan born Hornsey, Middlesex.
1901 Resident at Coulsdon, Surrey.
1913 Her two advice manuals were published.
1946 Died in Staines, Middlesex aged 79 years.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 59 reviews
July 1, 2021
This short & sweet read was a present from my daughter & it's fun & informative for a book published in 1913. Some of my favourite bits include reminding a husband not to sharpen his pencils all over the house, but do it over a bin. A lot of the advice still holds true over 100 years later. Just to balance things up my daughter gave a copy of Don'ts for Wives to my wife.
August 25, 2010
Hysterical. My favorite tips:
'Don't 'talk down' to your wife. She has as much intelligence as your colleague at the office; she lacks only opportunity. Talk to her (explaining when necessary) of anything you would talk of to a man, and you will be surprised to find how she expands.'
'Don't imagine your wife never wants to see any other man than you. However nice she thinks you, it is possible to have too much of a good thing.'
'Don't delegate the carving to your wife on the plea that you 'can't' carve. You should be ashamed to own that you can't do a little thing like that as well as a woman can.'
'Don't 'talk down' to your wife. She has as much intelligence as your colleague at the office; she lacks only opportunity. Talk to her (explaining when necessary) of anything you would talk of to a man, and you will be surprised to find how she expands.'
'Don't imagine your wife never wants to see any other man than you. However nice she thinks you, it is possible to have too much of a good thing.'
'Don't delegate the carving to your wife on the plea that you 'can't' carve. You should be ashamed to own that you can't do a little thing like that as well as a woman can.'
December 18, 2018
Smart, funny and the advice is as true now as they were a century ago when this book was first published. Should be recommended reading for every husband out there.
April 18, 2011
In 1913, women were expected to wear smotheringly hot full length dresses in order to be considered decent. Most women did not work outside of the home, being expected to be happy in their role as wife and mother. In most of the world, women didn’t even have the right to vote. Surely any marital advice given at this time would seem incredibly outdated or, at the very least, charmingly quaint, in the year 2011? It was with this attitude that I first opened the pages of Don’ts For Wives by Blanche Ebbutt. It did not take me long to realise just how wrong I was. While some of the tips are no longer relevant to the average reader – those having to do with how to deal with servants, for example – much of the wisdom within this volume is as relevant today as it was then. I found myself taking note of many pieces of advice, with the intention of attempting to remedy my behaviour within my own marriage.
Much chastened, I moved onto Don’ts for Husbands with a more open mind. Once again, I was surprised at how relevant much of Ms Ebbutt’s advice is to today’s relationships and the progressiveness of some of the points, considering the era in which the book was written.
It is a shame that these books have been so unknown for so long, as I feel that the advice in them is more relevant to a newly married couple than a dozen books of the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus persuasion. I would venture to go so far as to state that a copy of each of these books should be given to the happy couple as a wedding present (or perhaps a housewarming gift for those in less formal arrangements). Certainly anybody in a permanent relationship should consider reading them. You will be surprised at just how much you are doing wrong.
Advice for Wives
*Don’t interpret too literally the ‘obey’ of the Marriage Service. Your husband has no right to control your individuality.
*Don’t let your husband feel that you are a ‘dear little woman’, but no good intellectually. If you find yourself getting stale, wake up your brain.
*Don’t keep your sweetest smiles and your best manners for outsiders; let your husband come first.
*Don’t grumble because his idea of work differs from yours. If he works hard at anything, let him do it his own way, and be satisfied.
*Don’t refuse to see your husband’s jokes. They may be pretty poor ones, but it won’t hurt you to smile at them.
*Don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of dressing carelessly when there is ‘only’ your husband to see you. Depend upon it he has no use for faded tea-gowns and badly dressed hair, and he abhors the sight of curling pins as much as other men do. He is a man after all, and if his wife does not take the trouble to charm him, there are plenty of other women who will.
Advice for Husbands
*Don’t refuse to get up and investigate in the night if your wife hears an unusual noise, or fancies she smells fire or escaping gas. She will be afraid of shaming you by getting up herself, and will lie awake working herself into a fever. This may be illogical, but it’s true.
*Don’t be surprised, or annoyed, or disappointed, to find, after treating your wife for years as a feather-brain, that you have made her one, and that she fails to rise to the occasion when you need her help.
*Don’t belittle your wife before visitors. You may think it a joke to speak of her little foibles, but she will not easily forgive you.
*Don’t refuse your wife’s overtures when next you meet if you have unfortunately had a bit of a breeze. Remember it costs her something to make them, and if you weren’t a bit of a pig, you would save her the embarrassment by making them yourself.
*Don’t chide your wife in public, whatever you may feel it necessary to do in private. She will not easily forgive you for having witnesses to her discomfiture.
*Don’t call your wife a coward because she is afraid of a spider. Probably in a case of real danger she would prove to be quite as brave as you.
Much chastened, I moved onto Don’ts for Husbands with a more open mind. Once again, I was surprised at how relevant much of Ms Ebbutt’s advice is to today’s relationships and the progressiveness of some of the points, considering the era in which the book was written.
It is a shame that these books have been so unknown for so long, as I feel that the advice in them is more relevant to a newly married couple than a dozen books of the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus persuasion. I would venture to go so far as to state that a copy of each of these books should be given to the happy couple as a wedding present (or perhaps a housewarming gift for those in less formal arrangements). Certainly anybody in a permanent relationship should consider reading them. You will be surprised at just how much you are doing wrong.
Advice for Wives
*Don’t interpret too literally the ‘obey’ of the Marriage Service. Your husband has no right to control your individuality.
*Don’t let your husband feel that you are a ‘dear little woman’, but no good intellectually. If you find yourself getting stale, wake up your brain.
*Don’t keep your sweetest smiles and your best manners for outsiders; let your husband come first.
*Don’t grumble because his idea of work differs from yours. If he works hard at anything, let him do it his own way, and be satisfied.
*Don’t refuse to see your husband’s jokes. They may be pretty poor ones, but it won’t hurt you to smile at them.
*Don’t allow yourself to get into the habit of dressing carelessly when there is ‘only’ your husband to see you. Depend upon it he has no use for faded tea-gowns and badly dressed hair, and he abhors the sight of curling pins as much as other men do. He is a man after all, and if his wife does not take the trouble to charm him, there are plenty of other women who will.
Advice for Husbands
*Don’t refuse to get up and investigate in the night if your wife hears an unusual noise, or fancies she smells fire or escaping gas. She will be afraid of shaming you by getting up herself, and will lie awake working herself into a fever. This may be illogical, but it’s true.
*Don’t be surprised, or annoyed, or disappointed, to find, after treating your wife for years as a feather-brain, that you have made her one, and that she fails to rise to the occasion when you need her help.
*Don’t belittle your wife before visitors. You may think it a joke to speak of her little foibles, but she will not easily forgive you.
*Don’t refuse your wife’s overtures when next you meet if you have unfortunately had a bit of a breeze. Remember it costs her something to make them, and if you weren’t a bit of a pig, you would save her the embarrassment by making them yourself.
*Don’t chide your wife in public, whatever you may feel it necessary to do in private. She will not easily forgive you for having witnesses to her discomfiture.
*Don’t call your wife a coward because she is afraid of a spider. Probably in a case of real danger she would prove to be quite as brave as you.
July 17, 2022
This was not as enjoyable/charming as Don't for Wives, which is a reflection of the changes in social mores and gender roles. Some of the advice is still relevant and some irrelevant (as you'd expect for a book written over a 100 years ago). The relevant advice boils down to respect your partner, don't treat her as less than other women, and don't be a d*ck.
Here are a couple of examples of dated advice
Don't forget that character is more important than genius. If your wife is a true woman, don't worry about the rest. (Aside from the discussion about values and vitrues, what is a *true* woman)
Don't forget to buy your wife a pair of gloves occasionally. She will always be pleased to have them.
Here are a couple of examples of dated advice
Don't forget that character is more important than genius. If your wife is a true woman, don't worry about the rest. (Aside from the discussion about values and vitrues, what is a *true* woman)
Don't forget to buy your wife a pair of gloves occasionally. She will always be pleased to have them.
February 2, 2021
Similar to the Don’ts for wives, some of it is helpful such as not restricting your wife from commenting on politics and respecting her as a human. However, some of it was silly, most women really could care less at this point if things are in fashion.
July 24, 2023
4.5✨️
February 12, 2016
My wife bought this book and the companion book, Don'ts For Wives, a few years back as a novelty. We've had this book on our shelf the whole time, so I decided to pick it up and read it. I'm glad I did. It was an entertaining read.
Although it was originally published in 1913, much of the advice in this book is still relevant over 100 years later. Some of the "don'ts" are quite humorous and would only be suitable within the time period it was written. Others however, were quite practical.
Here are just a few of my favorites:
"Don’t take it out on your poor wife every time you have a headache or a cold. It isn’t her fault, and she has enough to do in nursing you, without having to put up with ill-humour into the bargain."
"Don’t always refuse to go shopping with your wife. Of course it’s a nuisance, but sometimes she honestly wants your advice, and you ought to be pleased to give it."
"Don’t be conceited about your good looks. It is more than probable that no one but yourself is aware of them; anyway, you are not responsible for them, and vanity in a man is ridiculous."
"Don’t hesitate to mention the fact when you think your wife looks especially nice. Your thinking so can give her no pleasure unless you tell your thought."
"Don’t forget that actions speak louder than words. It’s no use telling your wife how much you care for her if you do the very things that you know will make her unhappy"
Although it was originally published in 1913, much of the advice in this book is still relevant over 100 years later. Some of the "don'ts" are quite humorous and would only be suitable within the time period it was written. Others however, were quite practical.
Here are just a few of my favorites:
"Don’t take it out on your poor wife every time you have a headache or a cold. It isn’t her fault, and she has enough to do in nursing you, without having to put up with ill-humour into the bargain."
"Don’t always refuse to go shopping with your wife. Of course it’s a nuisance, but sometimes she honestly wants your advice, and you ought to be pleased to give it."
"Don’t be conceited about your good looks. It is more than probable that no one but yourself is aware of them; anyway, you are not responsible for them, and vanity in a man is ridiculous."
"Don’t hesitate to mention the fact when you think your wife looks especially nice. Your thinking so can give her no pleasure unless you tell your thought."
"Don’t forget that actions speak louder than words. It’s no use telling your wife how much you care for her if you do the very things that you know will make her unhappy"
May 8, 2017
كتيب بسيط وصغير الحجم يسهل وضعه إما في الجيب أو الحقيبه ، ممكن الانتهاء من قراءته في جلسه واحده ، لكن لايعني بأنه قليل القيمه نظراً لصغر حجمه بل بالعكس يعرض نقاط التناقض في فهم الشريكين لكليهما تجاه الآخر وإن كانت بها عبارات ساخره لكنها لاتخلو من الجديه ، فأتفه العبارات والمواقف تسبب جروحاً في قلب الزوجة ، لذا على الزوج معرفة أن الثناء على أفعال زوجة صديقه قد تهين المرأة ، كما هول الحال لو توقف عن التغزل بإمرأته بعد مرور عقدين من زواجهما !
فكرة جميله لو تهديها لأحد مقدم على الزواج ، فعلى الرغم من اختلاف ثقافة الغرب بالشرق تظل المرأة ككيان أنثوي لا ينتمي لهوية معينه .
فكرة جميله لو تهديها لأحد مقدم على الزواج ، فعلى الرغم من اختلاف ثقافة الغرب بالشرق تظل المرأة ككيان أنثوي لا ينتمي لهوية معينه .
January 10, 2023
My roommate purchased this fun pocketbook for our coffee table from the New York Historical Society. Despite the casual racism and sexism grounding this firmly in 1913, the core message remains true, that the way to a woman's heart is in loving, respecting, and cherishing her. Will have to reread and regift if I am ever fortunate or unfortunate enough to get married.
March 28, 2016
Lots of useful and vey specific advice for husbands.
However, I was expecting some humour, especially since the book is printed in a tiny size. Also, some of the ideas are out dated which is understanable since the book was originaly published in 1913.
Overall, very good book.
However, I was expecting some humour, especially since the book is printed in a tiny size. Also, some of the ideas are out dated which is understanable since the book was originaly published in 1913.
Overall, very good book.
October 13, 2016
Surprisingly good advise
The title got me interested, but the advise is often quite good. It's a fun read and gives some interesting insight into family life at the beginning of the twentieth century.
The title got me interested, but the advise is often quite good. It's a fun read and gives some interesting insight into family life at the beginning of the twentieth century.
November 26, 2022
Found this tiny book at Barnes and Noble and it's counterpart Don'ts for Wives and was pleasantly surprised. Though written in 1913 it does not cater to male dominance. Healthy and wise advice. Would make a good gift for the soon to be wed.
February 10, 2021
Another in the "Don'ts" series, which can pretty much be distilled down to:
"You're probably an ass. Cut that out."
"You're probably an ass. Cut that out."
July 27, 2024
As I said when I reviewed the companion piece to this work (Don'ts for Wives) I study history, so I consider this a four-star work to preserve a valuable book that provides insight into advice for an upper-middle-class happy household in the early twentieth century. While, as other reviewers have noted, some advice is cliched and some are dated, some show the merits of common sense that seemed to be not as necessary in the book "for wives." If the targeted upper-middle-class man had to be told "Don't leave your wife to clean and put away all the tools you use in gardening or carpentering," (p. 64), it is a wonder there was not more active revolt among women. I say that somewhat in jest, but the women's book, while dated, still seemed to have more useful advice in some ways. Still, as a way to gain insight into history and the way gender was performed in relationships, this is a valuable book to study. So, just as I said with the other volume, this is a fascinating way to consider what advice a man would receive as a husband in the early twentieth century that tells us much about the social expectations and gender roles in upper-middle-class society. Any such preservation of social history can be a valuable tool of study.
December 19, 2025
Have you ever seen the screenshot of the text from an old timey book that says "You may fascinate a woman by giving her a wheel of cheese?" Don't for Husbands and its companion book, Donts for Wives, are in the exact same vein.
Most of this book is not at all relevant to today. There is nothing a modern day reader needs to consider about work around the coal heaters in their home, especially regarding their marital relationship. But with that said, the percentage of this book that was not only relevant, but also still good advice, was an unexpected fraction. Ebbutt had a very liberal view of how women should be treated in relationships for the 1910s, and while it certainly shows its age in many pieces of advice, certain passages of this book would probably get approval from feminist groups of today.
Being both books are pretty quick 1-2 hour reads, they're worth checking out as curious relics of social norms if nothing else.
Most of this book is not at all relevant to today. There is nothing a modern day reader needs to consider about work around the coal heaters in their home, especially regarding their marital relationship. But with that said, the percentage of this book that was not only relevant, but also still good advice, was an unexpected fraction. Ebbutt had a very liberal view of how women should be treated in relationships for the 1910s, and while it certainly shows its age in many pieces of advice, certain passages of this book would probably get approval from feminist groups of today.
Being both books are pretty quick 1-2 hour reads, they're worth checking out as curious relics of social norms if nothing else.
July 2, 2025
Ovo je jedna knjižica, knjižurak, napisana davne 1913. O čemu se radi? Autorka je muškarcima dala praktične savete kako treba da se ophode prema svojim suprugama. Neki predlozi su smešni za današnje vreme (nemojte ostatke od olovke da razbacujete po tepihu) do onih koji bi i danas bili vrlo pametni (ne dirajte ženin novac, dozvolite joj da izađe sa prijateljima, čak i sa muškim, ako su časni ljudi...). Dobar deo saveta bi i danas mnogi muškarci mogli da pročitaju i prihvate. Sve u svemu jedna vrlo liberalna knjiga, pogotovo kad se uzme u obzir vreme kad je nastala. Postoji verzija za supruge. Svakako preporuka
August 4, 2025
A book published in England in 1913 full of advice for husband's.
I bought this for myself and "Don't For Wives" for my wife as a joke, expecting to laugh at the incredibly outdated, probably misogynistic and definitely chauvinistic advice.
I actually ended up kind of enjoying this one.
It's actually pretty sweet.
Yes, it's dated.
But sadly not as dated as I'd expected.
A lot of the "don'ts" essentially come down to "hey men, please don't be jerks to your wives, try to pay some attention to her interests, try to notice your children, don't treat your wife like a servant, and remember that she's not your mommy."
Pretty good stuff for 1913. Not bad for 2025.
I bought this for myself and "Don't For Wives" for my wife as a joke, expecting to laugh at the incredibly outdated, probably misogynistic and definitely chauvinistic advice.
I actually ended up kind of enjoying this one.
It's actually pretty sweet.
Yes, it's dated.
But sadly not as dated as I'd expected.
A lot of the "don'ts" essentially come down to "hey men, please don't be jerks to your wives, try to pay some attention to her interests, try to notice your children, don't treat your wife like a servant, and remember that she's not your mommy."
Pretty good stuff for 1913. Not bad for 2025.
November 5, 2023
Surprisingly progressive considering it was written by a woman in 1913.
Memorable Quotes
Memorable Quotes
"Don't be conceited about your good looks. It is more than probable that no one but yourself is aware of them; anyway, you are not responsible for them, and vanity in a man is ridiculous."
"Don't "talk down" to your wife. She has as much intelligence as your colleague at the office; she lacks only opportunity. Talk to her (explaining when necessary) of anything you would talk of to a man, and you will be surprised to find how she expands."
April 1, 2024
For a book that is over a century old, it is positively surprising to find that a lot of the issues advised upon are still shared to this day, making a lot of the entries in this tiny book great reminders for the readers on their every day couple life.
A lot of the context is the one that was relevant for that time and era (classist and misogynistic factors included), but being able to differentiate the different factors of the sort and excluding the socially negative components, one can certainly learn from these.
A lot of the context is the one that was relevant for that time and era (classist and misogynistic factors included), but being able to differentiate the different factors of the sort and excluding the socially negative components, one can certainly learn from these.
December 31, 2023
...intended I believe as gag gifts around a marriage. Reflecting on the 1913 advice I am sure is to be humorous and often about ashing on the floor and thinking of the servants it is. Still, some advice is timeless like being kind, loving, and attentive to one's wife as an equal partner and not an "unpaid housekeeper".
September 22, 2018
A charming little book offering sage advice to husbands everywhere including everyday habits, personal relations, jealousy, hints on finance, household matters, recreation and holidays health, dress, hobbies, food and children. The basic rule? Don’t be a bastard!!!
November 5, 2021
A very simple, little book. There are some tips that don't make sense for our time. But surpraisingly there are a lot of tips which can make a lot of sense. In our time too. It can be useful! I advise that.
August 6, 2018
Basic human being courtesies that nobody take on count anymore. Absolutely important and real tips.
August 30, 2019
I mean it was hilarious . I’m not sure if I should be offended or just take it for the date it was written ! Some rules still stand for sure lol
January 20, 2020
A fun little read.
May 30, 2020
Many excellent snippets and tips that will ensure they my wife remains happy.
March 11, 2021
Wonderful
December 30, 2021
This lacked the charm and humor of Don’t for wives, and instead was mostly offensive and wrought with destructive advise, no matter the culture of the decade.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 59 reviews