From my third time reading...
I find myself drawn to re-reading this, and I’m not sure for how long this spell will continue over me. The world of the speaker behind these poems is one which I need to revisit. What is that world? It’s of confusion for most of the time. The speaker can’t let go of her love for her husband, while she is acutely aware of how much he is hurting her. This confusion, however, has a trajectory. Its finale is in her realization of her love of beauty. This love is what keeps her bound to her husband. And while she may continue to be bound in some ways, she is now freed in other ways, through this realization. She is in touch now with her place in the world as someone who yearns, seeks, and makes material what she finds in brilliant ways.
I’m not sure why I’m so drawn to this, given that my own life is very different from this. Perhaps it’s just because the language is so damn good. It is incredible to be taken up by the particular expressions Carson uses. Carson’s language is concrete at many points, as a constant anchor to a particular psyche and their life, while also it brings together unexpected images whose juxtapositions enable a depth of understanding and imaginative-virtual experience which is unlike anything to be found in real life.
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From my second time reading...
Upon this second visitation, my love for Carson's writing, and this book-length poem in particular, on deepens. This is an amazing artifact, a testament to how emotional suffering of the most painful, despairing kind can be renewed by our creativity, here particularly the literary art of poetry. The speaker was obsessed with her husband who chronically cheated on her and constantly lied to her; but she couldn't break it off, for she was in so much pain, and couldn't help but believe in his beautiful lies, even though she knew at the same time how these were lies.
The story speaks to how our intentions can be amorphous and complicated; we may care for another while being utterly selfish at the same time. We may trust and be paranoid at the same time. This is why truthfulness in life can be so relative and open-ended; but nevertheless has a hard limit. The speaker of the poem sees that at the end.
As a classicist and philosopher, Carson's brilliance as a poet comes out in finding new foundations for suffering which, in real life, would otherwise be responded to by "oh that's too bad," or "I'm sorry." These foundations she discovers are based in Greek mythology and astonishing insights into the human condition. Put on these foundations, through her creativity writing, this suffering is imbued with meaning, legitimacy, weightiness, and most of all, beauty.
This time around, I was more sensitive to the value or "speech act" that each chapter/sub-poem carried. The poems are nonlinear in time over the course of the relationship between the speaker and her (ex) husband. This is done masterfully; one is put in suspense, and is amazed or shocked when hit with new details of what had happened. The poems also vary regarding how much "plot" they reveal, as opposed to their serving other purposes, like being an expression of the speaker's pain through seemingly involuntary or sometimes repressed/obtuse means; or, like being a self-reflection, or a philosophical musing upon our human condition as at the mercy of beauty. Such variation between the poems were spaced perfectly and leads to much depth, color, and texture to the world of this book.
This time around, I've also lingered in the places of being sparked off by the particular word choice and rhythm of the lines. It is mesmerizing and intoxicating. Just by reading slowly, and sometimes staying with one expression or stanza for some time, Carson's writing can spark off, like fireworks or flashbulb memories, strong feelings and thoughts and yearnings.
A musing about why I've been obsessed with Carson's work, and this book in particular: Reading her work serves as a therapy for deepening my understanding of how desire and the imagination conspire to make for the euphoria of a certain kind of love—but which turns out to be founded on so little, and even fear or self-hatred. And yet Carson's work do not leave off there, as the truth revealed of the human condition. Along the journey, she redeems such experience for how it epitomizes a force key to the good life: the activity of the imagination to make present beauty and the possibility of happiness in what is otherwise an ambiguous, uncertain reality. Without this activity of the imagination, this reality would remain invisible or dull. Reading Carson has been part of my own learning how to tell when my imagination has a hand behind seeming reality and what to do in light of discovering this. Sometimes it is crucial to learn in, and other times we should intervene; and sometimes we should let the delusion and suffering happen, for it may bring us to unforeseeable changes.
Do I have any critical thoughts on this poem? Perhaps there were a few places where metaphors used were cliched or flat-footed. But this happens rarely. Moreover, the fact that it does happen follows from something I appreciate about Carson's writing: it is accessible. It's extraordinary how readable this poem is, while still doing all of the things to you which only good poetry does, like being unsettling, surprising, and thought-provoking.
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From my first time reading...
I want to read all of Carson's work now (picked this up after reading her Autobiography of Red). I haven't read anything quite like hers; she writes in poetry, but it conveys a narrative as concrete, complex, and elaborate as that of a novel. Because it's in poetry, the emotional forcefulness and psychological realism of the narrative is of a category beyond what could ever be achieved by a novel in prose form.
A particularly interesting feature of this work which gives the appearance of autobiography or memoir is that throughout most of it, we feel that the protagonist is tragically, woefully, obsessed with and in effect controlled by her husband. He chronically cheats on her and causes deep suffering, and yet she cannot leave him. She loves and hates him in equal intensities. But by the end, we realize that it's not her husband as an absolutely unique individual person whom she's obsessed with, in love with. Rather, it is beauty that obsesses and controls her. He just happens to embody beauty to her. In this way, the protagonist is more complicated and free than we realize. The love and pursuit of beauty is creative and freeing; it's not the case that this man is controlling her, or that she's slavish to him. It's nevertheless tragic that this particular man who hurts her constantly is so beautiful, and she can't help staying with him.