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Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment
You May Be Commitment-Phobic
For years, it was the men who had the monopoly on commitment-phobia. Today, single women are the fastest-growing segment of the population, with over forty-seven million single women in this country and twenty-two million of them between the ages of twenty-five and forty-four. Whatever the reasons -- fear of divorce, increased financial independence, delayed motherhood -- more women than ever no longer feel the urgency, or the ability, to settle down. Lucky for this growing group of women, author and former commitment-phobe Elina Furman has written Kiss and Run, the first-ever book about female commitment anxiety.
Filled with fun quizzes, first-person testimonials, and step-by-step action plans, Kiss and Run includes the top-five panic buttons, advice for curbing overanalysis, and tips for fixing negative commitment scripts. You'll also find the seven types of commitment-phobes, including the Nitpicker, the Serial Dater, and the Long-Distance Runner.
Based on the stories of more than one hundred women, this straight-talking guide helps single women conquer commitment anxiety and say yes to love.
For years, it was the men who had the monopoly on commitment-phobia. Today, single women are the fastest-growing segment of the population, with over forty-seven million single women in this country and twenty-two million of them between the ages of twenty-five and forty-four. Whatever the reasons -- fear of divorce, increased financial independence, delayed motherhood -- more women than ever no longer feel the urgency, or the ability, to settle down. Lucky for this growing group of women, author and former commitment-phobe Elina Furman has written Kiss and Run, the first-ever book about female commitment anxiety.
Filled with fun quizzes, first-person testimonials, and step-by-step action plans, Kiss and Run includes the top-five panic buttons, advice for curbing overanalysis, and tips for fixing negative commitment scripts. You'll also find the seven types of commitment-phobes, including the Nitpicker, the Serial Dater, and the Long-Distance Runner.
Based on the stories of more than one hundred women, this straight-talking guide helps single women conquer commitment anxiety and say yes to love.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
14 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
September 27, 2007
Every single commitment phobic gal (and guy) should read this book. As soon as I picked it up, I was like oh, my God that's me! The author outlines 7 different ways we run from commitment and why we do it...serial dating so that we don't have time to fully invest in a relationship, knowingly dating emotionally unavailable people, nitpicking to find fault even in a person who has it pretty much together, being in long distance relationships, but not really being in them...the list goes on and on. I've pretty much done all them without even knowing it. Actually, the guy that could be it, will be the relationship that you experience the most commitment anxiety because it is the scariest. There are suggestions on how to stop doing what we commitment phobics do. In the end, it pretty much says that commitment phobics will never know for sure if someone is right for them because they will always go back and forth, but if they are at least 80% sure about someone, then they should at least give it a go! Hmmmm....why is it that after reading the book, I'm now only 75% percent sure of anyone I'm interested in???? Haha. No, seriously, I will probably try to apply some of these concepts in my next relationship. I just want some good-looking men to practice on until then...
January 31, 2008
I'm definitely a Free Spirit, partially a Damsel in Distress and I just squeak into Player. C'mon everyone, fess up.
This is a useful springboard to dive into your commitment issues (and most people have them).
But, like a college essay, Furman rams home her thesis (commit dammit!) a little too often and rather too baldly. She only makes exceptions to her point of view in the most dire of circumstances (abuse, neglect etc) and sometimes offers pretty weak arguments for commitment.
Eg. From Damsel in Distress: "What's so horrible about the feeling of loss?" She answers this fully:
A. You cry yourself to sleep for a few months
B. You lose or gain weight
C. You feel mopey and have a hard time concentrating
D. You pester all your friends and family members with "Why me?" phone calls
Now, to me this doesn't seem something to laugh off, as she suggests. I think she'd be more persuasive with an assertion that breaking up with boyfriends is practise for losing loved ones (through death). Now there's an argument I like :)
Anyway, it's thought-provoking and I hope it will help me find my very own happy relationship.
This is a useful springboard to dive into your commitment issues (and most people have them).
But, like a college essay, Furman rams home her thesis (commit dammit!) a little too often and rather too baldly. She only makes exceptions to her point of view in the most dire of circumstances (abuse, neglect etc) and sometimes offers pretty weak arguments for commitment.
Eg. From Damsel in Distress: "What's so horrible about the feeling of loss?" She answers this fully:
A. You cry yourself to sleep for a few months
B. You lose or gain weight
C. You feel mopey and have a hard time concentrating
D. You pester all your friends and family members with "Why me?" phone calls
Now, to me this doesn't seem something to laugh off, as she suggests. I think she'd be more persuasive with an assertion that breaking up with boyfriends is practise for losing loved ones (through death). Now there's an argument I like :)
Anyway, it's thought-provoking and I hope it will help me find my very own happy relationship.
May 20, 2022
This was fun at times but also VERY outdated (which I knew going in) and semi-misogynistic. It placed a lot of blame on women for doing or liking traditionally feminine things as well as for condemning men for their behavior. Overall, not as fun of a read as I thought it would be when I bought it secondhand like 8 months ago :/
June 26, 2019
I had low expectations for this book, but even still I couldn't deal with the rampant stereotyping and pseudo-science. Some good advice sprinkled in between though.
February 10, 2013
Self-help books always fill me with an overwhelming sense of shame, but the epiphany I had after reading this is completely worth it. I've been dealing with a lot of relationship ish lately and parts of this book freaked me out because she was describing how I felt EXACTLY. Yes, it's a little cheesy and dated (Demi and Ashton as an example of a happy healthy relationship?), but once you get past the sassy you-go-girl Sex and the City Talk, there is some good advice there.
Take the quiz at the beginning of every chapter once you get to the "type" sections, and only read the ones that you score highly on - I never would have considered myself a "Player" or "Free Spirit" (or "Long Distance Runner" - told you it was cheesy) but I swear to god this woman has seen inside my mind. This isn't a 100% solution to commitment phobia, because she drives it home that it's something that never goes away. Instead, you have to learn to recognize triggers and warning signs and, crazy enough, stop listening to your gut. LIFE CHANGING. SWEAR IT.
Take the quiz at the beginning of every chapter once you get to the "type" sections, and only read the ones that you score highly on - I never would have considered myself a "Player" or "Free Spirit" (or "Long Distance Runner" - told you it was cheesy) but I swear to god this woman has seen inside my mind. This isn't a 100% solution to commitment phobia, because she drives it home that it's something that never goes away. Instead, you have to learn to recognize triggers and warning signs and, crazy enough, stop listening to your gut. LIFE CHANGING. SWEAR IT.
August 26, 2008
i learned... i'm a commitmentphobe. no seriously. it's cool. i've accepted it. the book basically characterized different types of phobes and how to recognize one's weaknesses (honestly), as well as friendly hints on how to alleviate them. I appreciated the book mainly because it made me feel like I wasn't the only 'crazy' self-destructive girl out there. best part... 'anyone that tells you they just KNOW, is lying' don't listen to your guts too hard if you're a commitment-phobe, your guts are retarded. amen.
June 23, 2008
About half done with this, and I recognized myself in the subjects from the start. Maybe this will help me get over my commitment and intimacy issues and I can join the rest of the world in wedded "bliss" OR I will definitively be able to answer that marriage isn't for me. Either way, I hope I find the answer. (Thanks for the lend, Peggy!)
***Upon completion, I would self-assign as 80% Free Spirit, 20% Nitpicker. . . You may not agree, friends, but I read the book. LOL.***
***Upon completion, I would self-assign as 80% Free Spirit, 20% Nitpicker. . . You may not agree, friends, but I read the book. LOL.***
July 5, 2012
This book was OK - psychology lite. I'm not the target market for it, so that may be why it didn't speak to me. But if I had been the target, I would have felt like the book told me what my problem was but didn't tell me how to fix it. That part seemed glossed over. I also felt like the author was assuming all of the readers were phobic to commitment, and I'm sure people's real issues are more complex than this cut-and-dried version. But, it was entertaining.
February 23, 2010
I have to come out and say it--there is such a thing as female commitment-phobia and I've seen so much of it in this generation of single women.
I found this book to be a wonderful support to dealing with the fear of dating and identify the source of the phobia.
A must read for any still-single girl.
I found this book to be a wonderful support to dealing with the fear of dating and identify the source of the phobia.
A must read for any still-single girl.
May 12, 2014
I found this book to be fun and quite witty. there were some questionable statements in the book that I didn't quite agree with. However, the book gave a good viewof the workaholic woman and what can happen when you run away from making large romantic choices. Overall, it was a good read.
July 1, 2007
so, I got this book for the quizzes. And guess what! I'm commitment phobic. Duh.
Want to read
January 11, 2008I would like to thank MoTay for sending me the MSN article for this book!
March 9, 2008
This book helped me realize so much about myself. You have to be ready to accept it though. Only for mature people.
December 12, 2008
I am officially nitpicker :-)
December 21, 2008
wow. its starting to make sense. i am a total free spirit and thats not really a good thing
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews