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My Immortal #1
My Immortal
My Immortal is the most famous, notoriously bad fan fiction ever written. Based very loosely in the Harry Potter universe and featuring the blatant Mary-Sue protagonist Ebony (or often times "Enoby"), it reads like a detailed list of everything a fanfic author could ever possibly do wrong, only taken to exaggerated, horrifying extremes. The true authorship is uncertain, but My Immortal was originally posted to FanFiction.Net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the FF.Net staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that the author was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, My Immortal remains one of the most cringe-worthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internet has ever produced.
104 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
73 people are currently reading
1183 people want to read
About the author
Tara Gilesbie
4 books60 followersTara Gilesbie, aka XXXbloodyrists666XXX, is the infamous creator of My Immortal and its primary author. The first 15 chapters were edited by Raven, aka bloodytearz666.
It's still under debate whether or not Tara was genuine or actually trolling the fandom with her erroneous story, My Immortal. Whatever her intention, she has certainly left an impression.
It's still under debate whether or not Tara was genuine or actually trolling the fandom with her erroneous story, My Immortal. Whatever her intention, she has certainly left an impression.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,207 reviews
July 2, 2013
"“I luv u TaEbory.” he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol."
How gorgeous is that writing? I mean damn, I'm surprised the person who wrote this isn't an international bestselling author. I wish I had that much talent.
And the way they expertly wove the story was so beautiful and the characters came to life with every paragraph. You will lose yourself in this exhilarating and inspiring story of paranormal love.
WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?
I just gave this 5 stars cause it made me pee from laughing so hard. xD I don't think whoever had written this wrote it and was being serious. Cause that's just sad, if they were.
It's a piece of shit, but it's a good laugh. :3
How gorgeous is that writing? I mean damn, I'm surprised the person who wrote this isn't an international bestselling author. I wish I had that much talent.
And the way they expertly wove the story was so beautiful and the characters came to life with every paragraph. You will lose yourself in this exhilarating and inspiring story of paranormal love.
WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?
I just gave this 5 stars cause it made me pee from laughing so hard. xD I don't think whoever had written this wrote it and was being serious. Cause that's just sad, if they were.
It's a piece of shit, but it's a good laugh. :3
July 3, 2013
I cryed sexily da hole teim.
January 27, 2016
Spoilers
There is no kind way to say this. This is complete and utter shite.
This is the story of Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven TARA Way, who also goes by Enoby or Eboby. She is a Hogwarts student. Slytherin, of coarse. Because that's where all the goffs are. She is so goff that she eats Count Chocola with blood instead of milk, with another glass of blood on the side. She needs the blood because she’s a vampire and because she slits her wrists, preferably while she cries tears of blood and drinks the blood again. She’s a goth and she fucking hates preps.
Ebony goes to a Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson concert with Draco. Afterwards, they go to the Forbidden Forest. "He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie in my you-know-what and we had sex for the first time." Let it be known to everyone that Draco Malfoy has an X-Ray penis.
But oh no! They get caught by Dumbledore. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” This is quite possibly the best line in the entire story. People apparently got mad about this, because at the beginning of every chapter she tells the “fukn preps n posrs” to “stop flaming/fgalming muh styro”. The only reason Dumbledore swore was “he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!”
Evony meets a boy who looks exactly like Joel Madden. “He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.”
“My name’s Harry Potter but people call me Vampire these days.” He was also very goff. “Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.”
She goes off to see Draco again. “We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX.” Something about Draco having a Vampire tattoo and Enoby finks he cheated on her and they break up. “I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces.” Bad typo. Baaad typo.
Luckily, she has her friend B’loody Mary Smith to comroft her. She used to be called Hermione, only she was kidnapped when she was born and Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide. She has also converted to Satanism and is in Slytherin now, as is Vampire. Ron still exists as well, only he has black hair with blue streaks, and they call him Diabolo these days.
Meanwhile, Vlodemort, the Bark Lord, turns into Shakespeare. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter! Thou must! If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”
Ebroby gets all goth and slits her wrists in a much-revealing dress, when she suddenly notices Snape and Loopin at her window. Snap was making a video of her and Loopin was masticating to it. How dare they! Fucking pedofiles. Luckily, Dumblydor constipates the video camera (no wonder he’s angry all the time). Then it turns out that Hargrid is also in love with Enoby.
You know, I’m really not okay with Loopin/Lumpkin being a necphilak. I love him.
Then she suddenly starts screwing Vampire. “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.
“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me.”
You know, about two sentences ago you were screwing each other. But okay – let’s ignore that one single inconsistency.
Right, so, Volcemort has Draco, but not to worry, because Vampire has a brainstorm (sounds quite painful actually)! He does a spell and suddenly they’re in Voldemprt’s lair! Then they yell… “Allah Kedavra!” I don’t think Allah would approve, but okay.
But it wasn’t Volsemort. Instead, it was “the fat guy who killed Sedric”. Oh, I remember his name – Snaketail! And he’s in love with Enoby too! “Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?” But Eboby will have nothing of it. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.” Because it wouldn’t be goff otherwise.
They got on their broomsticks (where the hell did they come from?) and fly back to Hogwarts before Volcemort can appear. Time for Emony to have a goff fit. “Its so unfair! Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.
“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco.
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful!”
(Ironically, Tinypic made me type in “greatest story ever told” to prove I’m human)
By the way, another reason why Albert Dumblydor swore is because he wants to be goff. Just thought you should know.
Ebondy gets ready for a surprise Draco has for her, when someone knocks on her door. It is Loopin. “kan I plz burrow sum condemns” I don’t even know.
Vampire and Draco have a fight over who Enoby “laves”. “I want to shit next to her!” Keep your disgusting fetishes to yourself. “And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv)”. But she has no time for boys because she’s having visions. So she becomes BFFs with Proffesor Sinister (also known as Profesor Trevolry) who loves her nail polish, is that from Hot Topik?
Turns out, Eboby is the only one who can stop Vlodemort. She has to go back in time and seduce him. But not before one more steamy sex session with Draco! “I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.
We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.” I’m not quite sure “passively doing it” is good, but whatever works for them, you know, being goff and all. Vampire is there to film the whole thing. But they get caught by Snoop and McGoggle!!!11111!1!1! Snap has a very fitting punishment. He takes off his pants – there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-what!1!11! and Eboby has to kill Vampire or Snipe rapes Darko!
Took me a while to get that Navel is Neville, but he goes by Dracola now. Also kidnapped at birth – such unlucky children. They all got “raped and stuff”. No wonder they’re all goff.
So Enoby goes back in time and meets Tom. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam.” They immediately bond over their mutual love for Gren Day and GC! But not mcr and evinezenz, sinz dey dont exist yet den. He tells her something sekrtivly and she laffed statistically.
Then Eboby goes back to the present time, where Lumpkin and Snap are being torqued – Serious Blak is sucking their blood. Enoby makes a few photons and goes up to Drako’s room to have some more sexx. “Den… we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.”
Then Emondy goes back into time and meet Professor Slutborn. You know, the Portents teacher. And she finds out that Lusian, Spartacus (???), Snap, Satan, and Jamez are in a goff band. But they need a singer! Luckily, Enopby is in a band herself. So they sing.
“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song) You do for that song.
And then the story ends. Thank God. This was, without a doubt, the worst thing I have ever read. My favourite world, my entire favourite world, has been raped in front of my very eyes – both literally and figuratively. Reading this story physically hurt. My eyeballs are bleeding and I need brain bleach. I hope, honest to God, that this person was a troll, because if this is for real, all hope for mankind is lost and I am moving to the moon.
There is no kind way to say this. This is complete and utter shite.
This is the story of Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven TARA Way, who also goes by Enoby or Eboby. She is a Hogwarts student. Slytherin, of coarse. Because that's where all the goffs are. She is so goff that she eats Count Chocola with blood instead of milk, with another glass of blood on the side. She needs the blood because she’s a vampire and because she slits her wrists, preferably while she cries tears of blood and drinks the blood again. She’s a goth and she fucking hates preps.
Ebony goes to a Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson concert with Draco. Afterwards, they go to the Forbidden Forest. "He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie in my you-know-what and we had sex for the first time." Let it be known to everyone that Draco Malfoy has an X-Ray penis.
But oh no! They get caught by Dumbledore. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” This is quite possibly the best line in the entire story. People apparently got mad about this, because at the beginning of every chapter she tells the “fukn preps n posrs” to “stop flaming/fgalming muh styro”. The only reason Dumbledore swore was “he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!”
Evony meets a boy who looks exactly like Joel Madden. “He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.”
“My name’s Harry Potter but people call me Vampire these days.” He was also very goff. “Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.”
She goes off to see Draco again. “We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX.” Something about Draco having a Vampire tattoo and Enoby finks he cheated on her and they break up. “I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces.” Bad typo. Baaad typo.
Luckily, she has her friend B’loody Mary Smith to comroft her. She used to be called Hermione, only she was kidnapped when she was born and Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide. She has also converted to Satanism and is in Slytherin now, as is Vampire. Ron still exists as well, only he has black hair with blue streaks, and they call him Diabolo these days.
Meanwhile, Vlodemort, the Bark Lord, turns into Shakespeare. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter! Thou must! If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”
Ebroby gets all goth and slits her wrists in a much-revealing dress, when she suddenly notices Snape and Loopin at her window. Snap was making a video of her and Loopin was masticating to it. How dare they! Fucking pedofiles. Luckily, Dumblydor constipates the video camera (no wonder he’s angry all the time). Then it turns out that Hargrid is also in love with Enoby.
You know, I’m really not okay with Loopin/Lumpkin being a necphilak. I love him.
Then she suddenly starts screwing Vampire. “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.
“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me.”
You know, about two sentences ago you were screwing each other. But okay – let’s ignore that one single inconsistency.
Right, so, Volcemort has Draco, but not to worry, because Vampire has a brainstorm (sounds quite painful actually)! He does a spell and suddenly they’re in Voldemprt’s lair! Then they yell… “Allah Kedavra!” I don’t think Allah would approve, but okay.
But it wasn’t Volsemort. Instead, it was “the fat guy who killed Sedric”. Oh, I remember his name – Snaketail! And he’s in love with Enoby too! “Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?” But Eboby will have nothing of it. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.” Because it wouldn’t be goff otherwise.
They got on their broomsticks (where the hell did they come from?) and fly back to Hogwarts before Volcemort can appear. Time for Emony to have a goff fit. “Its so unfair! Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.
“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco.
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful!”
(Ironically, Tinypic made me type in “greatest story ever told” to prove I’m human)
By the way, another reason why Albert Dumblydor swore is because he wants to be goff. Just thought you should know.
Ebondy gets ready for a surprise Draco has for her, when someone knocks on her door. It is Loopin. “kan I plz burrow sum condemns” I don’t even know.
Vampire and Draco have a fight over who Enoby “laves”. “I want to shit next to her!” Keep your disgusting fetishes to yourself. “And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv)”. But she has no time for boys because she’s having visions. So she becomes BFFs with Proffesor Sinister (also known as Profesor Trevolry) who loves her nail polish, is that from Hot Topik?
Turns out, Eboby is the only one who can stop Vlodemort. She has to go back in time and seduce him. But not before one more steamy sex session with Draco! “I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.
We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.” I’m not quite sure “passively doing it” is good, but whatever works for them, you know, being goff and all. Vampire is there to film the whole thing. But they get caught by Snoop and McGoggle!!!11111!1!1! Snap has a very fitting punishment. He takes off his pants – there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-what!1!11! and Eboby has to kill Vampire or Snipe rapes Darko!
Took me a while to get that Navel is Neville, but he goes by Dracola now. Also kidnapped at birth – such unlucky children. They all got “raped and stuff”. No wonder they’re all goff.
So Enoby goes back in time and meets Tom. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam.” They immediately bond over their mutual love for Gren Day and GC! But not mcr and evinezenz, sinz dey dont exist yet den. He tells her something sekrtivly and she laffed statistically.
Then Eboby goes back to the present time, where Lumpkin and Snap are being torqued – Serious Blak is sucking their blood. Enoby makes a few photons and goes up to Drako’s room to have some more sexx. “Den… we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.”
Then Emondy goes back into time and meet Professor Slutborn. You know, the Portents teacher. And she finds out that Lusian, Spartacus (???), Snap, Satan, and Jamez are in a goff band. But they need a singer! Luckily, Enopby is in a band herself. So they sing.
“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song) You do for that song.
And then the story ends. Thank God. This was, without a doubt, the worst thing I have ever read. My favourite world, my entire favourite world, has been raped in front of my very eyes – both literally and figuratively. Reading this story physically hurt. My eyeballs are bleeding and I need brain bleach. I hope, honest to God, that this person was a troll, because if this is for real, all hope for mankind is lost and I am moving to the moon.
January 1, 2012
This has a higher average rating than Twilight.
October 11, 2017
I cried tears of blood in a gothic way while reading this
Read
May 10, 2023Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is actually so real ( if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
December 6, 2011
Make no mistake, I think that this is one of the finest works of literature ever written.
Tara Gilesbie - whatever the truth behind her identity may be - has crafted a work of fan fiction so deliriously and compulsively entertainingly readable that one cannot deny her raw talent. Fusing elements from Harry Potter, geek and goth cultures this work defies expectation and convention. It's a masterfully queer text, not just in the way that it explores and celebrates the bisexuality of its central characters, but also in its now iconic use of language that breaks it down as a mode of communication, toying with spelling and grammatical convention, randomly addressing its readers and frequently not making any real sense at all. In this way it "queerizes" the notion of language as a form of signification, highlighting the fractured and fragmented nature of the cultures that have sprung up around both Harry Potter, the straight and the queer community.
What My Immortal truly signifies is left unclear by the text's ambiguous ending, but it is clear that the frequent mentions of pop culture, suicide and vampirism signify -or-not-signify many important notions regarding instability and depression in the world today.
Tara Gilesbie - whatever the truth behind her identity may be - has crafted a work of fan fiction so deliriously and compulsively entertainingly readable that one cannot deny her raw talent. Fusing elements from Harry Potter, geek and goth cultures this work defies expectation and convention. It's a masterfully queer text, not just in the way that it explores and celebrates the bisexuality of its central characters, but also in its now iconic use of language that breaks it down as a mode of communication, toying with spelling and grammatical convention, randomly addressing its readers and frequently not making any real sense at all. In this way it "queerizes" the notion of language as a form of signification, highlighting the fractured and fragmented nature of the cultures that have sprung up around both Harry Potter, the straight and the queer community.
What My Immortal truly signifies is left unclear by the text's ambiguous ending, but it is clear that the frequent mentions of pop culture, suicide and vampirism signify -or-not-signify many important notions regarding instability and depression in the world today.
January 23, 2018
THE WORST FAN-FICTION STORY EVER MADE. Obviously!!
I just discovered this today, and I couldn't help but think that I had lived under a rock in the fan-fiction world!! Apparently this is the worst fanfic ever and I decided to check it out. And then I decided that I didn't want to read it, so I listened to dramatic readings online.
I LITERALLY LAUGHED TILL MY THROAT STARTED BLEEDING.
Tara Gilesbie, you are the biggest troll on the Internet.
The main character is this girl called Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.
This is what she's supposed to look like. Art by jagirl2003.
She's an exchange student at Hogwarts(in case you didn't know, this is a Harry Potter fanfic)and she's agothic poser Satanist, vampire "goffik". And she might have asthma. Why . . . I can't even . . . and she's the most stereotypical Mary Sue EVER. Don't believe me? She even said this!!:
Art by NightsDarkAngel1.
UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHH.
And don't get me started on the several grammatical errors the story has. It was impossible to understand!!
Basically, Draco Malfoy and Ebony (Evony? Enoby? Her name changes during the story) start dating despite the fact that Draco is a "fucking prep". (In the story, "prep" is an insult.)
OH. SNAP.
So, they get caught by Dumbledore (Dumblydore? His name changes too) and they're sent to his office.
See how easy is for them to get out of situations? That's because THERE'S NO PLOT!!! And they pretty much spend half of the time naked.
Later she meets Vampire (an emo version of Harry Potter).
And there's a lot of unexplained sex scenes between Ebony, Draco, and Vampire (Vampire even recorded Draco and Ebony doing it!).
Epic.
Also, Draco and Vampire are bisexual!! They even dated each other!! And Ebony doesn't know who she's with!! (The fucking bitch even dares to ask Draco if it was okay every time he gets sad when he catches her cheating on him with Vampire!!)
Oh, and Lupin and a snake ( I know it's actually Snape, but whatever) have sex.
With Dobby watching!! OH NO!!
And nothing and everything happens and I don't seem to care.
(If you want to have a laugh, check this dramatic reading, starting here:
My Immortal Dramatic Reading )
(AND HERE. )
I will only read and/or hear this when I want my throat to bleed. Or to kill some brain cells.
All comic art belongs to ChazieBaka.
AUTHOR'S NOTE(Geddit! Because . . . OH, SHUT UP!! ) 5/30/12: I just realized that Tara Gilesbie made vampires uncool before Stephenie Meyer made that popular with her atrocious book, Twilight. I suddenly hate Stephenie Meyer less.
UPDATE 6/5/12: This is my most liked review!! Whoo-hoo!!
UPDATE 8/13/12: Can you believe that I have read this horrible fanfic like SIX TIMES already? Huh, I guess this makes me a masochist, a psychopath, and really fucked up.
(100 points if you can guess what fanfic is the underline phrase based on!)
UPDATE 9/15/12: No. No. NOOO. This terrible fanfic was indeed turned into a book!! WHY? WHYYYYYY?!!!! And it has been translated into a dozen languages. *twitches eye* WHAT?
I lost all in humanity.
I may weep in my corner.
I just discovered this today, and I couldn't help but think that I had lived under a rock in the fan-fiction world!! Apparently this is the worst fanfic ever and I decided to check it out. And then I decided that I didn't want to read it, so I listened to dramatic readings online.
I LITERALLY LAUGHED TILL MY THROAT STARTED BLEEDING.
Tara Gilesbie, you are the biggest troll on the Internet.
The main character is this girl called Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.
This is what she's supposed to look like. Art by jagirl2003.
She's an exchange student at Hogwarts(in case you didn't know, this is a Harry Potter fanfic)and she's a
Art by NightsDarkAngel1.
UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHH.
And don't get me started on the several grammatical errors the story has. It was impossible to understand!!
Basically, Draco Malfoy and Ebony (Evony? Enoby? Her name changes during the story) start dating despite the fact that Draco is a "fucking prep". (In the story, "prep" is an insult.)
OH. SNAP.
So, they get caught by Dumbledore (Dumblydore? His name changes too) and they're sent to his office.
See how easy is for them to get out of situations? That's because THERE'S NO PLOT!!! And they pretty much spend half of the time naked.
Later she meets Vampire (an emo version of Harry Potter).
And there's a lot of unexplained sex scenes between Ebony, Draco, and Vampire (Vampire even recorded Draco and Ebony doing it!).
Epic.
Also, Draco and Vampire are bisexual!! They even dated each other!! And Ebony doesn't know who she's with!! (The fucking bitch even dares to ask Draco if it was okay every time he gets sad when he catches her cheating on him with Vampire!!)
Oh, and Lupin and a snake ( I know it's actually Snape, but whatever) have sex.
With Dobby watching!! OH NO!!
And nothing and everything happens and I don't seem to care.
(If you want to have a laugh, check this dramatic reading, starting here:
My Immortal Dramatic Reading )
(AND HERE. )
I will only read and/or hear this when I want my throat to bleed. Or to kill some brain cells.
All comic art belongs to ChazieBaka.
AUTHOR'S NOTE(Geddit! Because . . . OH, SHUT UP!! ) 5/30/12: I just realized that Tara Gilesbie made vampires uncool before Stephenie Meyer made that popular with her atrocious book, Twilight. I suddenly hate Stephenie Meyer less.
UPDATE 6/5/12: This is my most liked review!! Whoo-hoo!!
UPDATE 8/13/12: Can you believe that I have read this horrible fanfic like SIX TIMES already? Huh, I guess this makes me a masochist, a psychopath, and really fucked up.
(100 points if you can guess what fanfic is the underline phrase based on!)
UPDATE 9/15/12: No. No. NOOO. This terrible fanfic was indeed turned into a book!! WHY? WHYYYYYY?!!!! And it has been translated into a dozen languages. *twitches eye* WHAT?
I lost all in humanity.
I may weep in my corner.
March 24, 2021
i swear i quote "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS" on a daily basis
November 24, 2014
My Immortal. Well, what can one say about My Immortal?
Yeah, that about covers it.
But, seriously, this is a really fantastic, unique work of literature. It deals with really srs issuez such as addiction, clique rivalry, sexuality, depression, suicide, paedophilia, rape, and grammar.
It also has tons of lovable characters. There's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, our protagonist, to whom we all can relate. She must deal with the fact that everybody wants to have sex with her, everyone being jealous of her and wanting to be like her, and her responsibility for saving the world from the Bark Lord Volxemort, who wants to... shoot Vompire Potter, I guess. This is the sort of well-characterized heroine whom all authors should strive to create.
In addition to TaEbory, the protagonist characters include Drago, a senstiv bi guy who's Egogy's main love interest; Vampir Potter, Darko's former lover who's not actually a vampire; Willow, who has big bobs and incredible regenerative powers; B'loody Mary, who thinks she can speak Japanese; Profesor Trevolry, a cool goff teacher who teaches Deviation and is addicted to voldemortserum; and Dumblydore, an old preppy man who wants to be goff and who constantly saves the day, but whom the main characters hate on principle.
But it's not all fun and games in this universe. Eboby has her share of enemies too. There's Snap, who desperately wants to get a video of Enoby naked; Loopin, Snake's lover and sidekick; Cornelia Fudge, the Mystery of Magic, who only speaks in capital letters and is horribly judgmental about degenerative illnesses; Voldemint, who enjoys show up and acting evil; and Brittney, a fjucking prep.
The story is full to bursting with anything a reader could possibly want: romance, magic, punk-pop concerts, descriptive outfits, time-travel, suspense, danger around every corner, goffik nicknames, and one inexplicable cameo by Socrates.
I would recommend My Immortal to anyone and everyone.
Yeah, that about covers it.
But, seriously, this is a really fantastic, unique work of literature. It deals with really srs issuez such as addiction, clique rivalry, sexuality, depression, suicide, paedophilia, rape, and grammar.
It also has tons of lovable characters. There's Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, our protagonist, to whom we all can relate. She must deal with the fact that everybody wants to have sex with her, everyone being jealous of her and wanting to be like her, and her responsibility for saving the world from the Bark Lord Volxemort, who wants to... shoot Vompire Potter, I guess. This is the sort of well-characterized heroine whom all authors should strive to create.
In addition to TaEbory, the protagonist characters include Drago, a senstiv bi guy who's Egogy's main love interest; Vampir Potter, Darko's former lover who's not actually a vampire; Willow, who has big bobs and incredible regenerative powers; B'loody Mary, who thinks she can speak Japanese; Profesor Trevolry, a cool goff teacher who teaches Deviation and is addicted to voldemortserum; and Dumblydore, an old preppy man who wants to be goff and who constantly saves the day, but whom the main characters hate on principle.
But it's not all fun and games in this universe. Eboby has her share of enemies too. There's Snap, who desperately wants to get a video of Enoby naked; Loopin, Snake's lover and sidekick; Cornelia Fudge, the Mystery of Magic, who only speaks in capital letters and is horribly judgmental about degenerative illnesses; Voldemint, who enjoys show up and acting evil; and Brittney, a fjucking prep.
The story is full to bursting with anything a reader could possibly want: romance, magic, punk-pop concerts, descriptive outfits, time-travel, suspense, danger around every corner, goffik nicknames, and one inexplicable cameo by Socrates.
I would recommend My Immortal to anyone and everyone.
July 8, 2024
AN: if u donut like mah revoiw den FUK OFF U BASTERDS!! MCR rox!!!
Well I woke up and got out of my coffin with pink lace on it and put on my black leather corset, black mini, ripped red fishnet on my arms and on my leg and my black congress boots with pictures of Billy Joel Armstrong on them. I was feeling very derpressed so I moshed to "Welcome to da Black Parade" by MCR while I sobbed sexily.
All of a suddenly Darco came there and he said "Oh hi Enoby" and so I said "Oh hi Draco" all flirty back like i was going to masticate over how sexah he was. He looked so sexy a"What are you doing and do you want to DO IT (c is dat stupid) he sed and I said Oh nuffing but I have something VERY fucking important to do before we screw" and he said okay ebogy and then i got on my Goodreads account (I had only read very derprzzing books like Twilight, if you dont know wat dat is den fuck OFF) and gave My Immortal 5 fucking stars for being the most goffick book in da world. Den Darko got out his trobbing glock and put it in my thingy and we DID IT and we both gut an orgy.
(****ALERT ALERT ALERT THERE WERE EXACTLY 666 RATINGS UNTIL I ADDED MINE *****)
Well I woke up and got out of my coffin with pink lace on it and put on my black leather corset, black mini, ripped red fishnet on my arms and on my leg and my black congress boots with pictures of Billy Joel Armstrong on them. I was feeling very derpressed so I moshed to "Welcome to da Black Parade" by MCR while I sobbed sexily.
All of a suddenly Darco came there and he said "Oh hi Enoby" and so I said "Oh hi Draco" all flirty back like i was going to masticate over how sexah he was. He looked so sexy a"What are you doing and do you want to DO IT (c is dat stupid) he sed and I said Oh nuffing but I have something VERY fucking important to do before we screw" and he said okay ebogy and then i got on my Goodreads account (I had only read very derprzzing books like Twilight, if you dont know wat dat is den fuck OFF) and gave My Immortal 5 fucking stars for being the most goffick book in da world. Den Darko got out his trobbing glock and put it in my thingy and we DID IT and we both gut an orgy.
(****ALERT ALERT ALERT THERE WERE EXACTLY 666 RATINGS UNTIL I ADDED MINE *****)
December 18, 2021
U ar all preps
July 12, 2018
IL CAPOLAVORO DEFINITIVO DELLA LETTERATURA TRASH.
INSUPERABILE.
Videorecensione (prima parte): https://youtu.be/Dl7eVCU7d6g
(seconda parte): https://youtu.be/PzhFjR-XRhk
INSUPERABILE.
Videorecensione (prima parte): https://youtu.be/Dl7eVCU7d6g
(seconda parte): https://youtu.be/PzhFjR-XRhk
September 9, 2015
It was............Dumblydoree!! Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
"OH YES!" I chortled sexily."I just finished the worst fan-fiction of all time - the infamous My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie!1!11" I excreted statistically.
My Immortal isn't just the most incoherent "story" you'll ever have the
5 STARS FOR PURE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE!! However, if I were to earnestly rate the content of the story it would obviously be a zero. The story is difficult to follow near end so I recommend reading along with a dramatic reading on YouTube. The best dramatic readings I came across were by "TehPogo" and "Christopher Cutting" (Search them up on YouTube). Or you can read along with your friends :)
April 26, 2019
LOLOLOLOLOL
If the purpose of writing is to evoke emotion this work succeeds more than some "serious writing" I've explored in the past couple years.
I mean, I can't even count the amount of full belly laughs this sparked.
It's free.
Check it out
If the purpose of writing is to evoke emotion this work succeeds more than some "serious writing" I've explored in the past couple years.
I mean, I can't even count the amount of full belly laughs this sparked.
It's free.
Check it out
September 17, 2017
TRIGGER WARNING for rape, paedophilia, nymphomania, depression, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, wrist-slitting, blood-drinking, atrocious grammar, overuse of emo bands, nauseating repetition of the word black, excessive use of the word goff/goffick and its variants, and disrespectful portrayal of your favourite characters.
I was torn between giving this one star and five stars. It is either literally the worst piece of "literature" ever written, or the smartest troll of all times. And for the love of all that is unholy (im goff, geddit?), I pray to Satan (who also goes by Voldemort, if you didn't know), that this is the latter. Meet Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, who has long ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears. Don't fucking ask me what eyes like limpid tears means. I don't know either. She's a goff, if that wasn't already ovbius, and she can't spell. Sudenly, I cant either. She wears ripped/torn/low-cut/barely there black clothes and fishnet stockings of various colours. Because she goff af. She is a vampire-witch who goes to Hogwarts. She's a Slithernie, becuase of course she fucking is. She likes My Chemical Romance and Good Charloote. She is Draco Malfoy's love and soulmate and whatnot. He even put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. Only to be interrupted by stupid, interferig Dumblydoor, who screams his head off at them. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” Because he's a prep and he's jealous that they're goff and having sex.
Now, bear with me, because this is where things get really fucking weird. So, Dracko Malfoy is a bisexual, sensitive, Slitherin goff who was in love with Harry "Vampire" Potter. You know Drako is sensitive as fuck because he bawls at the drop of a hat. (He also runs around buck naked and proclaims his love for Eboby.) And this is really, really, really fucking important - he has a big you-know-what. Though she really doesn't care. The twist in the tale is that "Vampire", who has pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it , eyeliner running down his face and a penchant for human blood and other male goths, used to do teh dirty with goff Drago. Yeah, you would think your wet dreams are coming true, but this is just strange, man. Really. Anyway, so Eboobie spends her days, in no particular order, crying tears of blood, slitting her wrists, drinking her own blood, drinking others' blood, and attending MCR and GC concerts with her posse. Enovy, on one of her brooding sessions, comes across Vlodermort, who's wearing black, but isn't goffick, and looks like Joel Madden and has sexah eyes. Volderfap orders Ebony to kill Vampire. He holds Draco in "bondage" after Enoby refuses to kill Vampire, though Draco had already killed himself by slitting his wrists, which is why she was brooding in the first place. (Note that the characters in this story reincarnate more than the Winchesters.)
Snap and Loopin are portrayed as pedofiles who respectively record and masticate to Enobby taking a bath. ...And also have sex with each other while Dobby watches??! Also, Snape is a Christian and has a dark mork on his you-know-what. Yeah. That. Hagrid and Dumbledoor pretend to be goffs, for what joy, I don't understand, and have to face the disdain of Enoby and her frndz Navel, B'loody Mary Smith, Willow and Diablo Weasley. B'loody Mary was a vampire-witch with waste-length black hair, whose parents were murdered. Ronald Weasley, much like everyone else in this Pulitzer winner is also a goth, and he goes by Diablo now. So now, Vampire and Ebony are both depressed that Draco has disappeared (good for him), and so they proceed to copolate in the Hair of Magical Creatures class. Yeah, that also happens. “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. I love the teachers in this one. They then go to Volsemort's lair, where They hear him scream "Allah Kedavra" (is this some Christian agenda thing?) and meet Snaketail, who also wants to bang Ebbony. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) Voldemort is the literal reincarnation of Shakespeare who addresses people as "thou".
A lot of sex and cheating happens, and I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. Cornelia Fugg and Rumbridge kick Dumblydorr out of Hogwash because he has Alzheimer's, and Ebony is worried about her fucking clothes and how "kawaii" she looks. Kawaii, by the way, is a word used way too often in this mess. Anyway, so of course Enoby is the only dumbfuck who can kill the Bark Lord, and also everyone loves her because she's so fucking pretty. “Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”
Proffesor Sinister is her favourite teacher. She's also goffick and ask questions like “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?” She is also a shite teacher who dissmisses her class to discuss Enoby's "visions". She and Ebony address each other as "bitch" and "cunT" and look at black crpytal balls. Draco and Enoby get frisky in his black Mercy Bens. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. And then, as she is about to orgsim, she gets a dream where Serious and Lucian are being held hostage by Vloxemort. After convincing Dumblydor that she isn't divisional, Enobby saves Serious and Lucian. The perdition, as Enovy later finds out is that Voldemint becam evil bcoz he was in luv. “When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love? U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it.”
Eboby has kinky sex with Drago. This is unnecessary, but seriously, you guys have got to read this bit. He was hung like a stallone and all that. Then………… I took off Draco’s MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).
I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.
We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.
“I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. When, like every sex session, they've had, theyre interrupted by Snope and McGoggles. Snoope takes away their caramel and they threaten to have him admitted to St. Mango's. Snoop tries to rape Draco and is caught red-handed by Professor Trelovry (aka Sinister), Serious and Luscious. (Serious and Luscious sounds like a porno. Or a comedic duo.)
Anywaii, Egogy goes bak in tym and chats up Mouldy Voldy. Tursn out Dumblydum hates goffs and lloves Griffindor preps (no surprise there). Snap and Lumpkin get punished by Serious, and Agony laughs statistically at their mystery. They (Droko and Enogy) also put on clothes just to take them off a minute later and have sex. Satan's teacher called Proffesor Slutborn looks like Charlyn Manson. Lusian, Jamez, Spartacus and Serious were all in a gottick band called XBlakXTearX, and because of course their lead singer committed suicide, Ebony sings for them. And then ...Marty McFly shows up with his blak tim machine and wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans. Now I was fucking done. I only read the ending.
But, anyway, long story short, Ebony has some super weird vision and goes back with Morty McFli to fuck Voldemort out of becoming evil. Or something impotent like that.
Other redundant information:
1. Everyone plays in a band called Bloody Gothic Rose 666.
2. You can kill vampires with C-R-O-S-S and steaks. Yes, steaks.
3. Harry has red whites (of the eye).
4. Vlozemort is also Darth Valer.
5. Draco has a blak Likin Park mobile, whatever that means.
6. Eboby has Invisibility coke, and I would snort the shit out of that.
7. Draco has a sex-pack. Not six-pack, a sex-pack.
8. She gets an orgy and he gets an eructation.
I was torn between giving this one star and five stars. It is either literally the worst piece of "literature" ever written, or the smartest troll of all times. And for the love of all that is unholy (im goff, geddit?), I pray to Satan (who also goes by Voldemort, if you didn't know), that this is the latter. Meet Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, who has long ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears. Don't fucking ask me what eyes like limpid tears means. I don't know either. She's a goff, if that wasn't already ovbius, and she can't spell. Sudenly, I cant either. She wears ripped/torn/low-cut/barely there black clothes and fishnet stockings of various colours. Because she goff af. She is a vampire-witch who goes to Hogwarts. She's a Slithernie, becuase of course she fucking is. She likes My Chemical Romance and Good Charloote. She is Draco Malfoy's love and soulmate and whatnot. He even put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. Only to be interrupted by stupid, interferig Dumblydoor, who screams his head off at them. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” Because he's a prep and he's jealous that they're goff and having sex.
Now, bear with me, because this is where things get really fucking weird. So, Dracko Malfoy is a bisexual, sensitive, Slitherin goff who was in love with Harry "Vampire" Potter. You know Drako is sensitive as fuck because he bawls at the drop of a hat. (He also runs around buck naked and proclaims his love for Eboby.) And this is really, really, really fucking important - he has a big you-know-what. Though she really doesn't care. The twist in the tale is that "Vampire", who has pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it , eyeliner running down his face and a penchant for human blood and other male goths, used to do teh dirty with goff Drago. Yeah, you would think your wet dreams are coming true, but this is just strange, man. Really. Anyway, so Eboobie spends her days, in no particular order, crying tears of blood, slitting her wrists, drinking her own blood, drinking others' blood, and attending MCR and GC concerts with her posse. Enovy, on one of her brooding sessions, comes across Vlodermort, who's wearing black, but isn't goffick, and looks like Joel Madden and has sexah eyes. Volderfap orders Ebony to kill Vampire. He holds Draco in "bondage" after Enoby refuses to kill Vampire, though Draco had already killed himself by slitting his wrists, which is why she was brooding in the first place. (Note that the characters in this story reincarnate more than the Winchesters.)
Snap and Loopin are portrayed as pedofiles who respectively record and masticate to Enobby taking a bath. ...And also have sex with each other while Dobby watches??! Also, Snape is a Christian and has a dark mork on his you-know-what. Yeah. That. Hagrid and Dumbledoor pretend to be goffs, for what joy, I don't understand, and have to face the disdain of Enoby and her frndz Navel, B'loody Mary Smith, Willow and Diablo Weasley. B'loody Mary was a vampire-witch with waste-length black hair, whose parents were murdered. Ronald Weasley, much like everyone else in this Pulitzer winner is also a goth, and he goes by Diablo now. So now, Vampire and Ebony are both depressed that Draco has disappeared (good for him), and so they proceed to copolate in the Hair of Magical Creatures class. Yeah, that also happens. “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. I love the teachers in this one. They then go to Volsemort's lair, where They hear him scream "Allah Kedavra" (is this some Christian agenda thing?) and meet Snaketail, who also wants to bang Ebbony. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) Voldemort is the literal reincarnation of Shakespeare who addresses people as "thou".
A lot of sex and cheating happens, and I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. Cornelia Fugg and Rumbridge kick Dumblydorr out of Hogwash because he has Alzheimer's, and Ebony is worried about her fucking clothes and how "kawaii" she looks. Kawaii, by the way, is a word used way too often in this mess. Anyway, so of course Enoby is the only dumbfuck who can kill the Bark Lord, and also everyone loves her because she's so fucking pretty. “Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”
Proffesor Sinister is her favourite teacher. She's also goffick and ask questions like “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?” She is also a shite teacher who dissmisses her class to discuss Enoby's "visions". She and Ebony address each other as "bitch" and "cunT" and look at black crpytal balls. Draco and Enoby get frisky in his black Mercy Bens. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. And then, as she is about to orgsim, she gets a dream where Serious and Lucian are being held hostage by Vloxemort. After convincing Dumblydor that she isn't divisional, Enobby saves Serious and Lucian. The perdition, as Enovy later finds out is that Voldemint becam evil bcoz he was in luv. “When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love? U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it.”
Eboby has kinky sex with Drago. This is unnecessary, but seriously, you guys have got to read this bit. He was hung like a stallone and all that. Then………… I took off Draco’s MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).
I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.
We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.
“I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. When, like every sex session, they've had, theyre interrupted by Snope and McGoggles. Snoope takes away their caramel and they threaten to have him admitted to St. Mango's. Snoop tries to rape Draco and is caught red-handed by Professor Trelovry (aka Sinister), Serious and Luscious. (Serious and Luscious sounds like a porno. Or a comedic duo.)
Anywaii, Egogy goes bak in tym and chats up Mouldy Voldy. Tursn out Dumblydum hates goffs and lloves Griffindor preps (no surprise there). Snap and Lumpkin get punished by Serious, and Agony laughs statistically at their mystery. They (Droko and Enogy) also put on clothes just to take them off a minute later and have sex. Satan's teacher called Proffesor Slutborn looks like Charlyn Manson. Lusian, Jamez, Spartacus and Serious were all in a gottick band called XBlakXTearX, and because of course their lead singer committed suicide, Ebony sings for them. And then ...Marty McFly shows up with his blak tim machine and wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans. Now I was fucking done. I only read the ending.
But, anyway, long story short, Ebony has some super weird vision and goes back with Morty McFli to fuck Voldemort out of becoming evil. Or something impotent like that.
Other redundant information:
1. Everyone plays in a band called Bloody Gothic Rose 666.
2. You can kill vampires with C-R-O-S-S and steaks. Yes, steaks.
3. Harry has red whites (of the eye).
4. Vlozemort is also Darth Valer.
5. Draco has a blak Likin Park mobile, whatever that means.
6. Eboby has Invisibility coke, and I would snort the shit out of that.
7. Draco has a sex-pack. Not six-pack, a sex-pack.
8. She gets an orgy and he gets an eructation.
April 27, 2020
Off to bleach my eyes bye
January 16, 2022
this is the most unhinged and hilarious shit i've read in my entire life, the author needs a lot of therapy and after reading this, i think that i need some too 😃
February 13, 2012
This book....
This book is perhaps the most beautiful piece of literature I have ever laid my eyes upon..
It is so beautiful, it makes me want to cry... well, maybe not crying, but sweating through my eyeBALLS
[image error]
See? Sweating through my eyeballs.
The beginning of it is the best opening ever. This is the kind of book you want your children to read. It will definitely get them into Harvard.
From our main character Enoby Way, to the non canon goff Harry, it's beautiful. Which is why I'm going to start with the characters. I'm 0kay with it.
THE CHARACTERS
[image error]
1. Enoby Darkness Dementia Raven (Tara) Way
The name alone sends chills through my spine. It's such a beautiful name that makes me want to cry with joy every time I hear it.
She is beautiful, and those gentle words she uses, owow, it's beautiful.
Never before have I heard such pure words like "Fuck," "Slut" "Fucker" "Cock" come out of anyone's mouth. Just goes to show that Enoby is pure
And how she loses her virility to Draco is so sad. No one should have to lose their virility that way.
AND I MEAN NOBODY! NO MATTER HOW LITTLE OR MUCH VIRILITY YOU HAVE! OKAY?! DON'T DISCRIMATE AGAINST THE POOR BASTARDS WHO DON'T!
I'm sorry, every time I think of that scene, it makes my eyeballs want to sweat
And Enoby. Never a bad word for anybody, always so sweet, gentle, tender, and kind to everyone.
WHY MUST THE GOOD ALWAYS GET PICKED ON?!
[image error]
2. Harry 'Vampire' Potter
Harry is so amazingly canon in this book. From the red streaks, to the no glasses, to the pentagram scar, everything is just so canon about him. He's the perfect picture of a charismatic gentleman.
He just makess me want to ride him like a centaur.
[image error]
3. Draco 'Darko' Malfoy
Oh, Darko, you please me so much. You make my happy sunshine days.....
AlL iN aLl, ThIs book is so wonderful, it should go down in history as one of the greatest books ever written.
This book is perhaps the most beautiful piece of literature I have ever laid my eyes upon..
It is so beautiful, it makes me want to cry... well, maybe not crying, but sweating through my eyeBALLS
[image error]
See? Sweating through my eyeballs.
The beginning of it is the best opening ever. This is the kind of book you want your children to read. It will definitely get them into Harvard.
From our main character Enoby Way, to the non canon goff Harry, it's beautiful. Which is why I'm going to start with the characters. I'm 0kay with it.
THE CHARACTERS
[image error]
1. Enoby Darkness Dementia Raven (Tara) Way
The name alone sends chills through my spine. It's such a beautiful name that makes me want to cry with joy every time I hear it.
She is beautiful, and those gentle words she uses, owow, it's beautiful.
Never before have I heard such pure words like "Fuck," "Slut" "Fucker" "Cock" come out of anyone's mouth. Just goes to show that Enoby is pure
And how she loses her virility to Draco is so sad. No one should have to lose their virility that way.
AND I MEAN NOBODY! NO MATTER HOW LITTLE OR MUCH VIRILITY YOU HAVE! OKAY?! DON'T DISCRIMATE AGAINST THE POOR BASTARDS WHO DON'T!
I'm sorry, every time I think of that scene, it makes my eyeballs want to sweat
And Enoby. Never a bad word for anybody, always so sweet, gentle, tender, and kind to everyone.
WHY MUST THE GOOD ALWAYS GET PICKED ON?!
[image error]
2. Harry 'Vampire' Potter
Harry is so amazingly canon in this book. From the red streaks, to the no glasses, to the pentagram scar, everything is just so canon about him. He's the perfect picture of a charismatic gentleman.
He just makess me want to ride him like a centaur.
[image error]
3. Draco 'Darko' Malfoy
Oh, Darko, you please me so much. You make my happy sunshine days.....
AlL iN aLl, ThIs book is so wonderful, it should go down in history as one of the greatest books ever written.
May 20, 2017
post your fave hello my name is ebony dark'ness dementia raven way memes in the comments
Read
August 12, 2016
Before reading
I feel like I can't put this fic in any shelves other than online-fanfics because I'd be polluting them.
This is the most shittastically retarded thing I've ever laid eyes upon. I've read the first two chapters and I was literally rolling all over my bed laughing. I now have a stitch in my side and tears in my eyes, but that might be because it also made me want to cry a little.
I can't. I can't handle this. I'll keep it bookmarked for when I want to have my mind fucked without a condom.
NOTE: this fic is so retarded that fanfiction.net itself felt forced to delete it. There are, anyhow, tens of versions to be found all over the Internet. This seems to be an exact copy of the original: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556
---
After reading
What have I done with this evening? Heh. No fucking idea.
I feel the urge to scrub my eyes with sandpaper and soak my brain with bleach. This has scarred me forever.
But I recommend it all the same, for the simple reason that, as a troll-fic, it's the most brilliant thing ever written. And I refuse to think of it as anything else, because then I'd have to slit my wrists. Ristz. And drink all of my blood.
I need to spend some time in a mental health facility.
I feel like I can't put this fic in any shelves other than online-fanfics because I'd be polluting them.
This is the most shittastically retarded thing I've ever laid eyes upon. I've read the first two chapters and I was literally rolling all over my bed laughing. I now have a stitch in my side and tears in my eyes, but that might be because it also made me want to cry a little.
I can't. I can't handle this. I'll keep it bookmarked for when I want to have my mind fucked without a condom.
NOTE: this fic is so retarded that fanfiction.net itself felt forced to delete it. There are, anyhow, tens of versions to be found all over the Internet. This seems to be an exact copy of the original: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556
---
After reading
What have I done with this evening? Heh. No fucking idea.
I feel the urge to scrub my eyes with sandpaper and soak my brain with bleach. This has scarred me forever.
But I recommend it all the same, for the simple reason that, as a troll-fic, it's the most brilliant thing ever written. And I refuse to think of it as anything else, because then I'd have to slit my wrists. Ristz. And drink all of my blood.
I need to spend some time in a mental health facility.
April 13, 2019
ebony dark'ness dementia raven way is that bitch and that’s that.
June 6, 2016
Occasionally in life you will find things that not only make you laugh, but make you laugh so hard you struggle to breathe for subsequent minutes. This book is not one of those things for it cannot be described as a mere thing. It is a monument, nay, a milestone in everyone's lives. Everyone remembers the day they were introduced to what has been dubbed "the worst fanfic in the world". Much like Marmite, you will forever love it or hate it with a passion that burns brighter than the thousands of metaphorical copies of Harry Potter that Tara Gilesbie burned while butchering parodying the series.
My Immortal was originally posted to FanFiction.net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that Tara was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, My Immortal remains one of the most cringe-worthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internet has ever shat out.
I just found out that the fanfic is actually available as a self-published paperback. Not free; it's about £3.50 (which I'm not sure is legal), but in all seriousness there is no need to spend money on this. You can read the whole thing for free right here. And may I make a suggestion? Get some friends round, grab some drinks, laugh your socks off and spread the word. I'm going to tell you exactly why this fanfic is worth your time.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!
The above sample of word vomit is a direct quote from the fanfic. Before each chapter begins we are privy to a very special author's note from Tara herself. In these snippets she usually thanks her (few) fans for following her story, scolds the preps who are "flamin" her story and threatens to slit her wrists if better reviews don't show up. She also thanks her BFF Raven for spell checking the chapters.
These little author notes are fantastic fun to read and are actually very helpful for live readings of the story. My Immortal is best enjoyed, I find, when performing in the style of an illiterate chav. The authors notes are all spelled out phonetically and helpfully placed at the start of each chapter so the reader can very easily get into character for each reading. Try reading the above selection out loud, and you'll understand what I mean. And if that wasn't enough, these notes enable us to read about what was going on in Tara's real life as she was writing the fanfic. At one point she and her BFF Raven fall out spectacularly and it is hilarious. But I shan't spoil it for you...
In this exquisite interpretation of Harry Potter, we follow a young girl called Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, a gorgeous Slytherin girl at Hogwarts. She hates "preps" and describes herself as "goffic", and this is reinforced by her extensive paragraphs illustrating exactly what clothes from Hot Topic she is wearing each day. All of your favourite Harry Potter characters make appearances in My Immortal. Draco Malfoy is the main love interest and appears in it the most, but we are treated to cameos from Dumblydore, Snap, Loopin, Vlodemort, Doris Rumbridge, Profesor McGoggle, Proffessor Trevolry, Hargrid, Tom Bombodil, Fug and da Mystery of Magic etc. Hermione even makes an appearance as B’loody Mary Smith and Harry's changed his name to Vampire and transfigured his scar into a pentagram. It's all very exciting.
Ebony is a character to which we can all relate. She maturely deals with the fact that everybody wants to have sex with her, all of the preps who are ruining her life, and her responsibility for saving the world from the Bark Lord Voldemint. She is definitely a role-model for younger readers and older readers alike and her liberal use of the word 'fuck' and all of its alterations is evidence of her maturity. Her natural beauty, high sex drive and embodiment of goffickness are the kind of strong character traits every feminist strives to achieve, and we can all agree that it is a relief to finally know that you don't need a firm grasp on grammar in order to get laid.
My Immortal is a rare example of a book that truly has something in it for everybody. The rich goffik culture is deeply explored in the fanfic and the reader gets to enjoy the story and receive an education at the same time. We learn important details such as what exact shade of black eye-liner works best with white foundation and what exactly Gerard Way meant when he sang "Welcome to the Black Parade".
There are some scary chapters too, in case you're into horror. But don't worry if you spook easily; Tara supplies us with thoughtful disclaimers, so if you read the words - WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD - you'll know that there's some bone-chilling content up ahead, which usually involves Lord Volxemort attempting a Shakespearian monologue.
“I hath telekinesis.”
One thing that really should be mentioned is the romantic aspect of this fanfic. Tara Gilesbie healthily explores love and sex in many different forms and makes it clear that she does not judge those with different sexual preferences to her own. Love is love in Tara's eyes, and she is proud to display her views by featuring not only heterosexual couples and sex scenes, but also homosexual, paedophilic and non-consensual. My Immortal is proof that erotic fantasy novels can be good, as you can see by some of the choice snippets below.
And we don't find out what happens until the next chapter!!
I kind of wish I had discovered this when Tara was still writing this. I could have followed the blog and read each chapter as it was posted. Like so many, I would wait for years for the latest Harry Potter book to come out. It would have been like a tribute to my childhood if I had waited each week for Tara's latest chapter recounting just who was filming Ebony and Draco having sex this week.
Although, while we're still on the subject of sex, it took me a while to figure it out but I don't think Tara Gilesbie has actually had sex before. It wasn't apparent at first, but if you claim you get an orgy the second a boy sexily pots his wetness in your u-know-what, I'm starting to doubt you know how it's done. Or is that just yet another part of what makes Enoby so fascinating? She comes at the slightest tender touch...
All in all, My Immortal is a thoroughly enjoyable read. Nope, scratch that, it is an amazing read. I can only describe it as beautiful; a beautiful and epic fail that has brought so many glorious tears of laughter to my eyes. I truly believe that the author is a troll, but it's just so much more fun to think of Tara as being genuine. You definitely get the full package if you think of it that way.
So have I sold this fanfic to you yet? Have you clicked off this review and gone to read it yet? No?! Did I mention Snape and Lupin have sex with Dobby watching? Did I tell you Snape has a Dark Mark tattooed on his penis? Why are you still here??
My Immortal was originally posted to FanFiction.net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that Tara was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, My Immortal remains one of the most cringe-worthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internet has ever shat out.
I just found out that the fanfic is actually available as a self-published paperback. Not free; it's about £3.50 (which I'm not sure is legal), but in all seriousness there is no need to spend money on this. You can read the whole thing for free right here. And may I make a suggestion? Get some friends round, grab some drinks, laugh your socks off and spread the word. I'm going to tell you exactly why this fanfic is worth your time.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!
The above sample of word vomit is a direct quote from the fanfic. Before each chapter begins we are privy to a very special author's note from Tara herself. In these snippets she usually thanks her (few) fans for following her story, scolds the preps who are "flamin" her story and threatens to slit her wrists if better reviews don't show up. She also thanks her BFF Raven for spell checking the chapters.
These little author notes are fantastic fun to read and are actually very helpful for live readings of the story. My Immortal is best enjoyed, I find, when performing in the style of an illiterate chav. The authors notes are all spelled out phonetically and helpfully placed at the start of each chapter so the reader can very easily get into character for each reading. Try reading the above selection out loud, and you'll understand what I mean. And if that wasn't enough, these notes enable us to read about what was going on in Tara's real life as she was writing the fanfic. At one point she and her BFF Raven fall out spectacularly and it is hilarious. But I shan't spoil it for you...
In this exquisite interpretation of Harry Potter, we follow a young girl called Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, a gorgeous Slytherin girl at Hogwarts. She hates "preps" and describes herself as "goffic", and this is reinforced by her extensive paragraphs illustrating exactly what clothes from Hot Topic she is wearing each day. All of your favourite Harry Potter characters make appearances in My Immortal. Draco Malfoy is the main love interest and appears in it the most, but we are treated to cameos from Dumblydore, Snap, Loopin, Vlodemort, Doris Rumbridge, Profesor McGoggle, Proffessor Trevolry, Hargrid, Tom Bombodil, Fug and da Mystery of Magic etc. Hermione even makes an appearance as B’loody Mary Smith and Harry's changed his name to Vampire and transfigured his scar into a pentagram. It's all very exciting.
Ebony is a character to which we can all relate. She maturely deals with the fact that everybody wants to have sex with her, all of the preps who are ruining her life, and her responsibility for saving the world from the Bark Lord Voldemint. She is definitely a role-model for younger readers and older readers alike and her liberal use of the word 'fuck' and all of its alterations is evidence of her maturity. Her natural beauty, high sex drive and embodiment of goffickness are the kind of strong character traits every feminist strives to achieve, and we can all agree that it is a relief to finally know that you don't need a firm grasp on grammar in order to get laid.
My Immortal is a rare example of a book that truly has something in it for everybody. The rich goffik culture is deeply explored in the fanfic and the reader gets to enjoy the story and receive an education at the same time. We learn important details such as what exact shade of black eye-liner works best with white foundation and what exactly Gerard Way meant when he sang "Welcome to the Black Parade".
There are some scary chapters too, in case you're into horror. But don't worry if you spook easily; Tara supplies us with thoughtful disclaimers, so if you read the words - WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD - you'll know that there's some bone-chilling content up ahead, which usually involves Lord Volxemort attempting a Shakespearian monologue.
“I hath telekinesis.”
One thing that really should be mentioned is the romantic aspect of this fanfic. Tara Gilesbie healthily explores love and sex in many different forms and makes it clear that she does not judge those with different sexual preferences to her own. Love is love in Tara's eyes, and she is proud to display her views by featuring not only heterosexual couples and sex scenes, but also homosexual, paedophilic and non-consensual. My Immortal is proof that erotic fantasy novels can be good, as you can see by some of the choice snippets below.
"He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
"Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
"Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.As you can see by that last quote, Tara Gilesbie is a master of suspense. Chapters are quite short as it is, and we're usually getting to a fantastically written sex scene when................................................someone shows up!
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
It was…………………………Dumbledore!"
And we don't find out what happens until the next chapter!!
I kind of wish I had discovered this when Tara was still writing this. I could have followed the blog and read each chapter as it was posted. Like so many, I would wait for years for the latest Harry Potter book to come out. It would have been like a tribute to my childhood if I had waited each week for Tara's latest chapter recounting just who was filming Ebony and Draco having sex this week.
Although, while we're still on the subject of sex, it took me a while to figure it out but I don't think Tara Gilesbie has actually had sex before. It wasn't apparent at first, but if you claim you get an orgy the second a boy sexily pots his wetness in your u-know-what, I'm starting to doubt you know how it's done. Or is that just yet another part of what makes Enoby so fascinating? She comes at the slightest tender touch...
All in all, My Immortal is a thoroughly enjoyable read. Nope, scratch that, it is an amazing read. I can only describe it as beautiful; a beautiful and epic fail that has brought so many glorious tears of laughter to my eyes. I truly believe that the author is a troll, but it's just so much more fun to think of Tara as being genuine. You definitely get the full package if you think of it that way.
So have I sold this fanfic to you yet? Have you clicked off this review and gone to read it yet? No?! Did I mention Snape and Lupin have sex with Dobby watching? Did I tell you Snape has a Dark Mark tattooed on his penis? Why are you still here??
May 21, 2017
This is a fucking masterpiece.
June 28, 2014
This is, without a doubt, the greatest piece of fan literature ever created. It deserves an award of some sort.
May 14, 2016
favorite book of all time. reread at least once a year.
October 1, 2011
So, terrible yet so hilarious in it's failure. This book will literally make you roll on the floor laughing. A word of advice, DO NOT do the drinking game with alcohol unless you want a one way ticket to comaville. A must read for anyone who has a sense of humor when it comes to atrocious Mary sue Harry Potter fan fiction. I like this fan fiction because It is clearly a joke that is not supposed to take itself too seriously. also if the typos and poor grammar make your head hurt, drunkduck.com has the webcomic version which stays very accurate to the fan fiction. 5 stars, for the absolute worst yet best fan fiction on the web.
April 20, 2020
"Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"
Dis is troly a masterpeice off unrivelled preportons
~~~
(original review below)
I forgot I read this but oh my goodness what a ride
December 15, 2020
if u donut leav a god review it menz ur a prep so FUK OFF!!!1!1!1!11
short-fiction
October 26, 2023(Note: this is probably one of the longest reviews I've written. These stories were a phenomenon in their day, but they haven't aged well, and a couple of them left a nasty aftertaste. That's pretty much all I'm saying in all the verbiage below. I'll be reviewing something less internet-poisoned next time, so please be patient.)
****
"My Immortal" - I'm not sure whether I should be admitting that I've read "My Immortal," much less reviewing it. But since it was a selection of the "372 Pages We'll Never Get Back" podcast, and I intend to read through some number of them, and this one's short (around 25K words), I read it on my phone in between other things over the course of a day or two.
First of all: yeah, this is a put-on. With so many meticulously placed malapropisms and a frankly unconvincing number of typos, it couldn't possibly be anything else. (I may come back and add some of my favorite malapropisms to this review later.)
I didn't like this story to start with. Even without having watched a couple of YouTube videos about the "series" (about which more shortly) beforehand, I think I would have caught on very early on that it wasn't intended to be taken seriously. I wasn't all that interested in reading another take-down of Mary Sue fanfic (those have existed since at least the '70s) with the cast of HP shoehorned into roles definitely as goths, and maybe as actual vampires.
But after a dozen or two brief chapters, I started to like it. And then I started to laugh. The writing became more and more riddled with typos, but since the infelicities were introduced bit by bit rather than all at once (another indication that this was crafted-bad, and not spontaneous-bad), it was almost as easy to read as normal English, and I just rolled with whatever it had to offer, whether that was: head-hopping, copy-and-pasted paragraphs (or even chapters), content-warning-worthy stuff, OOC (to say the least), random sex scenes, yet another description of somebody's Hot Topic outfit, time travel because why not?, or what.
In a way, I'm sorry I missed the boat when this was first being serialized, but I was probably 20 years too old for it when it was first posted in 2006, and that was over fifteen years ago. Since I don't have "a time-toner or da tim machine", reading the "restored" copy on fanfiction.net had to do.
I can't bring myself to rate this one. It defies any number of stars I might apply to it.
A surprisingly endearing story. I haven't followed pop music for a couple of decades, and this story introduced me to a good number of "goffik" songs, which along with "372 Pages" and the YouTube videos, made "My Immortal" a cool and hilarious multimedia experience.
****
Edit to add: I decided to buy the print-on-demand collection of this "series" and will add my thoughts on each of the additional stories as I go along. In the video by Sarah Z that I watched, she said that someone she called "Toby" (not their real name) wrote at least some of the "My Immortal" stories, but not the original. (ETA: it shows. more below.)
"My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside" - This is basically just more of the same thing as MI, only with the sex (including incest this time. ugh), self-harm, and misspelling dialed up even higher. MI's Ebony's Satanism didn't seem to have any real thought put into it beyond "Satanism is something that goffs do, so I'll say 'oh my Satan' instead of 'oh my God' and wear decorative pentagrams and that'll be about it." WMUI has an actual animal sacrifice and a prayer to Satan.
Yeah, I dunno. MI was fun. This was kind of tedious, depressing and mean-spirited. For example, MI's Ebony is in a love triangle, but otherwise doesn't fuck around, and WMUI's Ebony fucks whoever's handy, including (CW incest) and has orgasms on seeing anybody she finds attractive. It doesn't even have the malapropisms that made MI cause barks of laughter at times (or if it did, they were buried so deep in misspellings they were impossible to see). "Toby" completely failed at recapturing what gave the first story its daffy charm. If I give MI 5 stars for being the perfect example of... whatever it is... WMUI gets maybe a 2.
****
"My Immortal 2: Fanz 4 De Venom" - at this point I'm starting to regret having bought this book, even though it was only $10. I'm going to dash through the rest of it and get it over with. Ebony's beta reader this time is "Xanthan Gum," who in the story is a 47-year-old man who eats whole sticks of butter (is this a take on something? well, who cares), and somehow is attending school at Hogwarts. And who is Ebony's new BF both in the story and "Tara's" in "real life." His chapters, supposedly written while Tara is absent or ill, attempt to add literacy and coherence to a story whose appeal relied near entirely on having neither. Boring.
This third story is even more desperate to extract outrage out of the reader than the previous one, and the end result is more dreary and pathetic than funny. Some of the linguistic playfulness is back, and there's a dozen-page ellipsis (with a single word "pity" in the middle of it) which is kind of cute, but on the whole, I would have done better for myself to quit about 100 pages ago. With MI as the basis of a 5-star rating, this gets a 1.
****
"A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You" - this one's a little better than either of the stories titled "My Immortal 2." It has the same rather flippant attitude toward CW material, so there's a heads-up. This time around we have two "writers," Tara with a new self-insert character named Moon, and Hayley whose character is Gianna. But really, these characters are all but identical to each other, and to Ebony. I think this is supposed to be a new goffik HP universe, but aside from the lack of MCR concerts it's all but the same: cutting, vampirism, etc.
Tara and Hayley have vaguely different writing styles--Hayley is of the "one sentence, one paragraph" school, and Tara's style is more or less her usual with the "not-great, but at least it's easy to read" spelling of the early parts of IM. After some random bullshit (mostly sex drama and the offhand murder of a couple of the adult HP characters), "Tara and Hayley" out themselves as trolls, scoff at fanfic and its writers (particularly its "horny teenaged girl" contingent, more on that in a sec), and then, with a final middle-finger flourish, goth up JK Rowling in-story and then kill her. MI-scaled rating: 3.
****
Bonus Story 1: "I'm Not Okay" - all of two pages long, but still bearing all the hallmarks of this "series" including offhand CW stuff, a goth self-insert character, and a budding romance with a gothed-up Draco Malfoy. Not long enough to give a rating to.
****
Bonus Story 2: "Ghost of You" - This kind of feels like a prototype for MI, except it was "written by someone who wasn't Tara"--maybe Raven?--and there are a couple of quirks not seen in the other stories, like "She plunged her booted feet onto the stone floor." There's also a laundry list of goth bands, which was kind of cute because in an early author's note Raven had asked for suggestions of goth bands to include in her story. So why not put them all in at once? This one's only a few short chapters long, and all that really happens is MC Eternity arriving at Hogwarts, giving preps the middle finger, and mooning over Draco.
****
After reading something like 200 pages of this stuff over the course of two days, my brain's pretty fried. Especially towards the end, there had been so many self-insert goth characters, all acting and dressing the exact same way, loving the same bands, all into cutting (as far as I can remember), and all with an active hate of "preps," that I couldn't tell them apart or remember which fictional writer had created which. This raft of same-y goth girls could be a commentary on how consumerism can superimpose itself over, or even annihilate individual identity. Or maybe not. I wouldn't count on the writer's/writers' intentions going this deep.
I could parse the first "My Immortal" story as being affectionate toward the material it's parodying, but from the two "My Immortal 2" stories especially, and at least in part from "Vampr," a sense of the author's contempt prevailed. Pathologizing girls and women who write fanfic has been a thing for decades, and in these "sequel" stories, I got a strong sense of the writer's disdain toward the very fanfic communities they're also eagerly fishing for attention from through their trolling. I really should have left well enough alone after reading the first story, but curiosity drove me to read more! I did feel that the stories that parsed as MI prototypes were a decent way to close things off, and somewhat mitigated the unpleasant vibes from the middle of the book.
As a final note, I wonder who's making money from the sale of this print-on-demand book. I hope it's the person, or people, who actually wrote it.
****
"My Immortal" - I'm not sure whether I should be admitting that I've read "My Immortal," much less reviewing it. But since it was a selection of the "372 Pages We'll Never Get Back" podcast, and I intend to read through some number of them, and this one's short (around 25K words), I read it on my phone in between other things over the course of a day or two.
First of all: yeah, this is a put-on. With so many meticulously placed malapropisms and a frankly unconvincing number of typos, it couldn't possibly be anything else. (I may come back and add some of my favorite malapropisms to this review later.)
I didn't like this story to start with. Even without having watched a couple of YouTube videos about the "series" (about which more shortly) beforehand, I think I would have caught on very early on that it wasn't intended to be taken seriously. I wasn't all that interested in reading another take-down of Mary Sue fanfic (those have existed since at least the '70s) with the cast of HP shoehorned into roles definitely as goths, and maybe as actual vampires.
But after a dozen or two brief chapters, I started to like it. And then I started to laugh. The writing became more and more riddled with typos, but since the infelicities were introduced bit by bit rather than all at once (another indication that this was crafted-bad, and not spontaneous-bad), it was almost as easy to read as normal English, and I just rolled with whatever it had to offer, whether that was: head-hopping, copy-and-pasted paragraphs (or even chapters), content-warning-worthy stuff, OOC (to say the least), random sex scenes, yet another description of somebody's Hot Topic outfit, time travel because why not?, or what.
In a way, I'm sorry I missed the boat when this was first being serialized, but I was probably 20 years too old for it when it was first posted in 2006, and that was over fifteen years ago. Since I don't have "a time-toner or da tim machine", reading the "restored" copy on fanfiction.net had to do.
I can't bring myself to rate this one. It defies any number of stars I might apply to it.
A surprisingly endearing story. I haven't followed pop music for a couple of decades, and this story introduced me to a good number of "goffik" songs, which along with "372 Pages" and the YouTube videos, made "My Immortal" a cool and hilarious multimedia experience.
****
Edit to add: I decided to buy the print-on-demand collection of this "series" and will add my thoughts on each of the additional stories as I go along. In the video by Sarah Z that I watched, she said that someone she called "Toby" (not their real name) wrote at least some of the "My Immortal" stories, but not the original. (ETA: it shows. more below.)
"My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside" - This is basically just more of the same thing as MI, only with the sex (including incest this time. ugh), self-harm, and misspelling dialed up even higher. MI's Ebony's Satanism didn't seem to have any real thought put into it beyond "Satanism is something that goffs do, so I'll say 'oh my Satan' instead of 'oh my God' and wear decorative pentagrams and that'll be about it." WMUI has an actual animal sacrifice and a prayer to Satan.
Yeah, I dunno. MI was fun. This was kind of tedious, depressing and mean-spirited. For example, MI's Ebony is in a love triangle, but otherwise doesn't fuck around, and WMUI's Ebony fucks whoever's handy, including (CW incest) and has orgasms on seeing anybody she finds attractive. It doesn't even have the malapropisms that made MI cause barks of laughter at times (or if it did, they were buried so deep in misspellings they were impossible to see). "Toby" completely failed at recapturing what gave the first story its daffy charm. If I give MI 5 stars for being the perfect example of... whatever it is... WMUI gets maybe a 2.
****
"My Immortal 2: Fanz 4 De Venom" - at this point I'm starting to regret having bought this book, even though it was only $10. I'm going to dash through the rest of it and get it over with. Ebony's beta reader this time is "Xanthan Gum," who in the story is a 47-year-old man who eats whole sticks of butter (is this a take on something? well, who cares), and somehow is attending school at Hogwarts. And who is Ebony's new BF both in the story and "Tara's" in "real life." His chapters, supposedly written while Tara is absent or ill, attempt to add literacy and coherence to a story whose appeal relied near entirely on having neither. Boring.
This third story is even more desperate to extract outrage out of the reader than the previous one, and the end result is more dreary and pathetic than funny. Some of the linguistic playfulness is back, and there's a dozen-page ellipsis (with a single word "pity" in the middle of it) which is kind of cute, but on the whole, I would have done better for myself to quit about 100 pages ago. With MI as the basis of a 5-star rating, this gets a 1.
****
"A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You" - this one's a little better than either of the stories titled "My Immortal 2." It has the same rather flippant attitude toward CW material, so there's a heads-up. This time around we have two "writers," Tara with a new self-insert character named Moon, and Hayley whose character is Gianna. But really, these characters are all but identical to each other, and to Ebony. I think this is supposed to be a new goffik HP universe, but aside from the lack of MCR concerts it's all but the same: cutting, vampirism, etc.
Tara and Hayley have vaguely different writing styles--Hayley is of the "one sentence, one paragraph" school, and Tara's style is more or less her usual with the "not-great, but at least it's easy to read" spelling of the early parts of IM. After some random bullshit (mostly sex drama and the offhand murder of a couple of the adult HP characters), "Tara and Hayley" out themselves as trolls, scoff at fanfic and its writers (particularly its "horny teenaged girl" contingent, more on that in a sec), and then, with a final middle-finger flourish, goth up JK Rowling in-story and then kill her. MI-scaled rating: 3.
****
Bonus Story 1: "I'm Not Okay" - all of two pages long, but still bearing all the hallmarks of this "series" including offhand CW stuff, a goth self-insert character, and a budding romance with a gothed-up Draco Malfoy. Not long enough to give a rating to.
****
Bonus Story 2: "Ghost of You" - This kind of feels like a prototype for MI, except it was "written by someone who wasn't Tara"--maybe Raven?--and there are a couple of quirks not seen in the other stories, like "She plunged her booted feet onto the stone floor." There's also a laundry list of goth bands, which was kind of cute because in an early author's note Raven had asked for suggestions of goth bands to include in her story. So why not put them all in at once? This one's only a few short chapters long, and all that really happens is MC Eternity arriving at Hogwarts, giving preps the middle finger, and mooning over Draco.
****
After reading something like 200 pages of this stuff over the course of two days, my brain's pretty fried. Especially towards the end, there had been so many self-insert goth characters, all acting and dressing the exact same way, loving the same bands, all into cutting (as far as I can remember), and all with an active hate of "preps," that I couldn't tell them apart or remember which fictional writer had created which. This raft of same-y goth girls could be a commentary on how consumerism can superimpose itself over, or even annihilate individual identity. Or maybe not. I wouldn't count on the writer's/writers' intentions going this deep.
I could parse the first "My Immortal" story as being affectionate toward the material it's parodying, but from the two "My Immortal 2" stories especially, and at least in part from "Vampr," a sense of the author's contempt prevailed. Pathologizing girls and women who write fanfic has been a thing for decades, and in these "sequel" stories, I got a strong sense of the writer's disdain toward the very fanfic communities they're also eagerly fishing for attention from through their trolling. I really should have left well enough alone after reading the first story, but curiosity drove me to read more! I did feel that the stories that parsed as MI prototypes were a decent way to close things off, and somewhat mitigated the unpleasant vibes from the middle of the book.
As a final note, I wonder who's making money from the sale of this print-on-demand book. I hope it's the person, or people, who actually wrote it.
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