What do you think?
Rate this book
Safe Haven Marriage: A Marriage You Can Come Home to
Provides a blueprint for establishing a marital "safe haven," explaining how to foster a commitment-building feeling of security in order to overcome such behaviors as criticizing, blaming, and shutting out one's partner during tough times.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published February 4, 2003
41 people are currently reading
166 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
July 8, 2023
I would recommend this book to anyone getting married or who is married. It’s a great read and doing it with your husband or wife really makes it better. We did it for marriage counciling and it brought up wonderful points of discuss. We even now notice things in the way we communicate with each other and actively are working toward the safe haven within our marriage.
July 2, 2023
This book has the potential to enhance your marriage, It will give you a better understanding of your spouse or spouse to be.
October 20, 2024
We live in a world where far too many marriages have two lonely partners who both long for the other to accept and love them. Hart and Morris argue that a good marriage is one in which both partners are safe to be vulnerable with the other. Nurturing this security requires knowing one's own emotions and accepting those of one's partner. The book is accessible and should be helpful to partners who wish to turn toward each other by learning how to better express their own needs and meet those of their partner. Recommended.
August 4, 2020
My sister and brother-in-law recommended this book. They found it incredibly insightful and helpful during their pre-marital counseling.
The authors write from a perspective of "attachment theory", which, in essence, is the psychological theory that our ways of being with one another can be characterized by different traits. There are four primary ways of "attaching" to your partner: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful. (As you might expect, one of these is desired, the others not so much...) For those who attach in less than ideal ways, the authors prescribe various tools for couples to learn to attach to their partners in a secure, safe way.
The underlying assumption of the authors is that partners want to feel safe, seen, and valued by their partners but that due to unhealthy patterns we develop earlier in life, many of us find it difficult to love (and be loved) in this way. This book is a helpful guide to teach us how to love and be loved in secure, meaningful ways.
However, I am only giving this book three stars because it is often written in a tone that is overly gender essentialist. I fear that this is harmful. I don't know if I would recommend this to other people because of this. I wouldn't want men to think that they are bound to be competitive bread-winners or for women to believe that their calling is exclusively domestic.
The authors write from a perspective of "attachment theory", which, in essence, is the psychological theory that our ways of being with one another can be characterized by different traits. There are four primary ways of "attaching" to your partner: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful. (As you might expect, one of these is desired, the others not so much...) For those who attach in less than ideal ways, the authors prescribe various tools for couples to learn to attach to their partners in a secure, safe way.
The underlying assumption of the authors is that partners want to feel safe, seen, and valued by their partners but that due to unhealthy patterns we develop earlier in life, many of us find it difficult to love (and be loved) in this way. This book is a helpful guide to teach us how to love and be loved in secure, meaningful ways.
However, I am only giving this book three stars because it is often written in a tone that is overly gender essentialist. I fear that this is harmful. I don't know if I would recommend this to other people because of this. I wouldn't want men to think that they are bound to be competitive bread-winners or for women to believe that their calling is exclusively domestic.
May 19, 2020
Insightful
Loved this book - especially the conversations around the wounding and healing cycle. Reminder that both partners bring wounds to a marriage and the spouse is responsible for handling how they respond to those wounds.
Loved this book - especially the conversations around the wounding and healing cycle. Reminder that both partners bring wounds to a marriage and the spouse is responsible for handling how they respond to those wounds.
Read
April 15, 2025Used this book as a tool for mentoring a couple prior to marriage.
March 28, 2012
This was a book I was supposed to read for my Practice with Families course that revolve on the way marriage should feel through a Christian perspective. Now I expected this book to be irrelevant and boring but I honestly really enjoyed it. The principles in this book don't just pertain to the relationship in marriage but to all my relationships. I recommend it to anyone that wants to know more about why people may react the way they do in certain situations and why you react the way you do in those same ones.
November 25, 2008
Again, my life is about raising kids and being married. This book is great for anyone thinking about marriage or is already there. This book is a good reminder that love and pride cannot occupy the same place.
September 2, 2014
Jeff and I read this as part of our premarital work. The last chapters built upon the beginning of the book, and they produced the greatest amount of discussion and understanding. A must read for all married couples to improve the ways you connect in your marriage.
October 16, 2012
Excellent book; isn't this what every married person really wants?!
March 22, 2010
A decent book on marriage and working at a relationship.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews