Race Rules: What Your Black Friend Won't Tell You

by Fatimah Gilliam

What if there were a set of rules to educate people against race-based social faux pas that damage relationships, perpetuate racist stereotypes, and harm people of color? This book provides just that in an effort to slow the malignant domino effect of race-based ignorance in American communities and workplaces to help address the vestiges of our nation's racist past.

Race Rules is an innovative, practical manual for white people of the unwritten rules relating to race, explaining the unvarnished truth about racist and offensive white behaviors. It offers a unique lens from Fatimah Gilliam, a light-skinned Black woman, and is informed by the revealing things white people say when they don't realize she's Black.

Presented as a series of race rules, this book has each chapter tackling a specific topic many people of color wish white people understood. Combining history and explanations with practical advice, it goes beyond the theoretical by focusing on what's implementable.

Gilliam addresses issues such as
Racial blinders and misperceptions
White privilege
Racial stereotypes
Everyday choices and behaviors that cause racial harm

Introducing a straightforward universal three-step framework to unlearn racism and challenge misconceptions, this book offers readers a chance to change behaviors and shift mindsets to better navigate cross-racial interactions and relationships. Through its race etiquette guidelines, it teaches white people to become action-oriented racism disruptors instead of silent, complicit supporters of white supremacy.

Genres: Nonfiction, Social Justice

384 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 30, 2024

Reviews

[Amanda Mckinley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. I want to recognize all the ways I’m ‘doing it wrong’ as a white woman with great privilege. And yet, I could not relate to most of the examples she used.

First unrelatable example: someone uses the n— word at a party to tell a joke like it’s no big deal and others just go along to get along, no one is willing to call him out on it.

Second unrelatable example: a white person doesn’t understand why Blacks are afraid of cops and think they’re overreacting when fearful a cop won’t have their best interest in mind.

3rd unrelatable example: a white person doesn’t understand why a Black would be suspicious of being searched at the airport, possibly being profiled.

4th unrelatable example - a white person clutches their purse tightly when stepping into an elevator with a Black man.

After reading these examples, my mind and heart were kind of closed to the rest of her points. What white people does she know that think like this? In her educated circles, I would be surprised if that’s truly how most of them think.

Most of us want to grow and understand more in this area - not in the blatant ways that she brings up but in the more nuanced areas where we tend to take for granted certain aspects of privilege that we are blind to. That’s what I hoped to get out of this book. While there was more nuance in the latter chapters, it was hard for me to receive bc I felt like she profiled me early on and misunderstood me as a white person.

I picked this book because a) our neighborhood book club selected it and b) I want to be aware of the bias tendencies in my own life - in EVERY area, not just race.

I hope that this author meets some white people that have this desire and that she too, would consider her own biases along with the rest of us.

[Jennifer Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard of this book through the Wellesley Racial Justice Initiative. It did not disappoint. Fatimah Gilliam writes naturally as if confiding to a friend, and I, who have read all the books, learned a lot. You will learn about "white welfare," and why being silent is complicit with systemic racism. Each "rule" or chapter is illustrated with a cartoon. I highly recommend this book.