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Children We Never Had
"The road less traveled really is hard. There's no map, no manual. It's just you trying to figure things out as you go along, all the while hoping you don't lose yourself or your humanity."
After suffering from a tragedy, Abby picks up the pieces of her broken self while still being plagued by the consequences of her impulsive actions. But words from the millennial bible – "Adulting is hard" – follow her like a curse as she struggles to not fall into the trap of bad decisions.
Children We Never Had is a story of profound loss and interesting findings.
After suffering from a tragedy, Abby picks up the pieces of her broken self while still being plagued by the consequences of her impulsive actions. But words from the millennial bible – "Adulting is hard" – follow her like a curse as she struggles to not fall into the trap of bad decisions.
Children We Never Had is a story of profound loss and interesting findings.
192 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 26, 2023
14 people are currently reading
145 people want to read
About the author
Nadia Khan
31 books520 followersNadia Mohamad Hatta, or Nadia Khan, graduated with M.B.B.S. in 2009 and is now a part-time tutor,full-time writer and all-time procrastinator. Also on her plate is wannabe philosopher slash filmmaker, but not yet cooked to perfection. Discovered by Buku Fixi after winning a national script-writing competition, she had her first novel Kelabu published in 2011. This was followed by her short stories anthology aptly named Cerpen (2012) which also included her contribution to another short stories anthology entitled Kopi (2012). Her first script to be made into a telemovie was 'Aku, Dia dan Tong Sampah', produced by Playground Productions. Currently tutoring a medical faculty at a Malaysian university, she is also pursuing her Master's degree in Psychology.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 82 reviews
June 28, 2023
This book had made me feel all sorts of things and I can't say much about the book without spoiling it, so these are my thoughts (non-spoilery) and its best to go into the book as clueless as I am.
This book was unconventional and had made me feel all kinds of messy and pain. Its centralized with a main theme that can make you gasp and just hate the character if you're very conservative, but what I liked about this book that it showed what it is to be human .
Again, its best to go into the book blind, but here are some major trigger warnings that I would like to put as I know that the topic can be very triggering to some but its in the spoiler tag so consider yourself warned:-
Anyways, here are some of my thoughts for the book and how I find it a read that I will be remember for quite a long time:-
1) Main Theme
I feel that the main theme of the book revolves around a topic that is very uncoventional but its not something that is entirely new, especially with how our generation are progressing at this day and age As more women became more independent, there is a sort of understanding in how we want to carry our relationship and pursue what we want. At the end of the day, whilst a woman is expected to be subjected to a certain role, its also important that we know how to fend for ourselves.
2) Handling Trauma and Grief
Trauma and grief are two things that don't go well together. A traumatic event is one thing, but combined with grief? It can lead someone to do things that are way out of what they should be doing. There are ways to handle trauma and grief, and the author had shown how messy and self-punishing one can be if it is not handled and channeled well. At the end of the day, its best to seek professional help as it can do more better than being stuck in our head and not knowing a way to look for to go through being alive.
3) Transgenerational Trauma
Its often uneasy to express yourself, but transgenerational trauma makes one of the important points of how messy the main character, Abby, is. I do love her , and I do want to hug her, but really, she does make very questionable at times. Honestly, I love reading messy women characters because lets face it, no women is not a mess in their heads , and its nice to feel you're not alone. But, whats sad, especially in the Asian household and in our society, transgenerational trauma affects their choices in life and how they shape to become as an adult. The author had portrayed the characters as such and it really made my heart ached for her. Her mom is pretty amazing tho and I'm thankful that she has a rock that tethers her to the ground when she goes astray.
4) Being Human
Human often made mistakes, sometimes, it can go very out of proportion and defies laws in religion, but I also loved that Abby owns up to her mistakes and seeks for solace through it all. Being human is what make this book very endearing and the side characters makes up for some technical stuff (in the writing style).
Anyways, this book is definitely NOT for the traditional readers. If you've never picked up a FIXI book your whole life and this is your first time...... I will say, read it with an open mind. As for me, I appreciated the author's effort in making this book one that reflects the society that we live in , and mostly, it implores you to question your morality and mostly understanding that being human means that mistakes are often made more than we can manage at times, but at the end, the Almighty will pave a way that is best for you, even in the darkest moments.
Personal Ratings: 4.25🌟 Recommended!
"Here we are, four generations of women with all our pain - dissipating them into the air and burying them into the ground."
This book was unconventional and had made me feel all kinds of messy and pain. Its centralized with a main theme that can make you gasp and just hate the character if you're very conservative, but what I liked about this book that it showed what it is to be human .
Again, its best to go into the book blind, but here are some major trigger warnings that I would like to put as I know that the topic can be very triggering to some but its in the spoiler tag so consider yourself warned:-
Anyways, here are some of my thoughts for the book and how I find it a read that I will be remember for quite a long time:-
1) Main Theme
I feel that the main theme of the book revolves around a topic that is very uncoventional but its not something that is entirely new, especially with how our generation are progressing at this day and age As more women became more independent, there is a sort of understanding in how we want to carry our relationship and pursue what we want. At the end of the day, whilst a woman is expected to be subjected to a certain role, its also important that we know how to fend for ourselves.
2) Handling Trauma and Grief
Trauma and grief are two things that don't go well together. A traumatic event is one thing, but combined with grief? It can lead someone to do things that are way out of what they should be doing. There are ways to handle trauma and grief, and the author had shown how messy and self-punishing one can be if it is not handled and channeled well. At the end of the day, its best to seek professional help as it can do more better than being stuck in our head and not knowing a way to look for to go through being alive.
3) Transgenerational Trauma
Its often uneasy to express yourself, but transgenerational trauma makes one of the important points of how messy the main character, Abby, is. I do love her , and I do want to hug her, but really, she does make very questionable at times. Honestly, I love reading messy women characters because lets face it, no women is not a mess in their heads , and its nice to feel you're not alone. But, whats sad, especially in the Asian household and in our society, transgenerational trauma affects their choices in life and how they shape to become as an adult. The author had portrayed the characters as such and it really made my heart ached for her. Her mom is pretty amazing tho and I'm thankful that she has a rock that tethers her to the ground when she goes astray.
4) Being Human
Human often made mistakes, sometimes, it can go very out of proportion and defies laws in religion, but I also loved that Abby owns up to her mistakes and seeks for solace through it all. Being human is what make this book very endearing and the side characters makes up for some technical stuff (in the writing style).
Anyways, this book is definitely NOT for the traditional readers. If you've never picked up a FIXI book your whole life and this is your first time...... I will say, read it with an open mind. As for me, I appreciated the author's effort in making this book one that reflects the society that we live in , and mostly, it implores you to question your morality and mostly understanding that being human means that mistakes are often made more than we can manage at times, but at the end, the Almighty will pave a way that is best for you, even in the darkest moments.
Personal Ratings: 4.25🌟 Recommended!
June 2, 2023
Yazid - Shibal saekiya
Alya - as a wife myself, i pity her. Poor soul
Abby - im having a love hate feeling towards her
Alya - as a wife myself, i pity her. Poor soul
Abby - im having a love hate feeling towards her
July 29, 2024
This one’s definitely not for the traditional readers.
Can’t even count the amount of times I found myself gasping while reading it, and I actually had to take a few breaks before continuing.
50% of the characters are despicable, they deserve a punch or two in their guts. Also, this is the 2nd book written by Nadia Khan that I read and I am not a fan of the extra monologues, (ahem, the ones in brackets). But that’s just my personal preference.
You can’t really deny the storyline could reflect today’s society and if you ever want to give this a try, I’d suggest you to read with an open mind or else you might not be able to finish this.
Overall it was a good read.
P.S - The GR app needs to step up its game and make use of the draft function. How dare you not save my long ass review after I accidently swiped the page down?!
Can’t even count the amount of times I found myself gasping while reading it, and I actually had to take a few breaks before continuing.
50% of the characters are despicable, they deserve a punch or two in their guts. Also, this is the 2nd book written by Nadia Khan that I read and I am not a fan of the extra monologues, (ahem, the ones in brackets). But that’s just my personal preference.
You can’t really deny the storyline could reflect today’s society and if you ever want to give this a try, I’d suggest you to read with an open mind or else you might not be able to finish this.
Overall it was a good read.
P.S - The GR app needs to step up its game and make use of the draft function. How dare you not save my long ass review after I accidently swiped the page down?!
May 30, 2024
the most soulless, bitter, immature, insufferable, judgemental main character in a book. pissed me off in every page every time she opens her mouth or has these little “thoughts”. sabrina is the type of woman who would say “omfg gimme a break my frontal lobe isnt fully developed yet” before she turns 25. so many dumb thoughts in her head and not once she thought “damn maybe this shit happened to me cause karma” idk. and the writing is so so so…. biasa. and cliche, most of the times. which makes me hate it even more. cant remember the last time a book pissed me off THIS much. dia macam ala ala sally rooney’s normal people, tryna portray idiots who cant communicate as “misunderstood, gifted kid burnt out adults”. grow the fuck up bro
June 1, 2023
I’m just not the target audience.
November 22, 2023
When it comes to writing I'd say Nadia Khan will always be the writer I go to, and likewise if I want to feed my mind something agree-to-disagree with, it'll be her book -- because frankly saying there are so many things I disagree with when it comes to the MC's actions, they're quite provocative to me, and Nadia Khan writes so good with this one.
ps. will review more if I have the time and mental capacity
pps. I want to rate this book 5 stars, but I take that 1 away for utterly personal reason. hehhe.
ps. will review more if I have the time and mental capacity
pps. I want to rate this book 5 stars, but I take that 1 away for utterly personal reason. hehhe.
July 21, 2023
give it to nadia khan to write the most unconventional story. i sure had fun.
June 19, 2023
Did i almost cry? Yes.
May 18, 2025
I am so sorry on this one Kak Nad.
There are so many things that's bothering me with this one.
I frown A LOT reading this book. To the point where I need to put it down to catch a breath.
Here's my take from my point of view.
1. The writing style. I get the gist that Kak Nad is using modernize lingo.
But sometimes straight forward and short sentence is better.
2. The plot. I do not understand what is going on up until i reached half of the book.
The whole time leading up to the plot revelation I was like "what is going on...."
3. The character. Hmmm, if not for the ending, I would hate Abby soooo much.
She is a narcissistic and very self-centered. Not everything revolves around you Abby. Chill
I hope that's how Kak Nad would like to portray the character. And not just me misinterpreting them.
4. The timeline. I scratch my head so hard trying to connect the occasion from one point to another.
Im not sure if it's the delivery that is not clear, or is it just me that is not intelligent enough to decipher and connect from one scenario to another. But for me, it's all over the place.
It's hard to identify when do they actually breakup, when the baby is conceive, when do they resolve, when do Alya know etc etc.
HOWEVER, I applaud Kak Nad for the ending. A much needed closure.
I need it as much as Abby needs it. Even though for me the ending is way too cringey, but it's better than leaving Abby in that attitude. I need it too, so that I can put this book to rest.
There are so many things that's bothering me with this one.
I frown A LOT reading this book. To the point where I need to put it down to catch a breath.
Here's my take from my point of view.
1. The writing style. I get the gist that Kak Nad is using modernize lingo.
But sometimes straight forward and short sentence is better.
2. The plot. I do not understand what is going on up until i reached half of the book.
The whole time leading up to the plot revelation I was like "what is going on...."
3. The character. Hmmm, if not for the ending, I would hate Abby soooo much.
She is a narcissistic and very self-centered. Not everything revolves around you Abby. Chill
I hope that's how Kak Nad would like to portray the character. And not just me misinterpreting them.
4. The timeline. I scratch my head so hard trying to connect the occasion from one point to another.
Im not sure if it's the delivery that is not clear, or is it just me that is not intelligent enough to decipher and connect from one scenario to another. But for me, it's all over the place.
It's hard to identify when do they actually breakup, when the baby is conceive, when do they resolve, when do Alya know etc etc.
HOWEVER, I applaud Kak Nad for the ending. A much needed closure.
I need it as much as Abby needs it. Even though for me the ending is way too cringey, but it's better than leaving Abby in that attitude. I need it too, so that I can put this book to rest.
September 22, 2024
I'm a generous rater, I generally do not rate books I read below 3 stars.
This book got 1 star because I thought the grief of a mother was done well and I liked the friendship the main character (MC) had. The book was easy to read, and I could tell the writer could write well.
But this book should have come with trigger warnings, the main thing being CHEATING. Cheating can be someone's traumatic experience. Please do not normalize this bad behaviour. It's like normalizing scamming or fraud. I mean, that's exactly what it is, but in the matter of hearts.
Also why is sleeping around always shown to be good in FIXI's publication? Sleeping around is for needy people who need validation from another warm body because they have such low self-esteem to feel enough on their own.
Another point - what's up with all the "good" characters having mat salleh names while the "bad" characters (bad as in the MC disliked them) having Malay/ Arab names? And the audacity to talk about being independent and not colonized when throughout the book the MC has been buying nothing but brands on the boycott list like Starbucks and McD.
Anyway, I digress. I was initially misled into thinking that this book was about motherhood. Can you blame me, though? The title and the blurb gave me that impression. So imagine my disappointment when the motherhood part of it was like less than 10%.
The rest of it is about a woman's bad decisions one after another, with the focus being about her and guys. Naturally I thought oh shucks the blurb should've made it clear that it was a romance until a friend who is part of a romance book club said that cheating is a big no-no in that genre. So I don't know what this book should fall under.
But my gosh, I have never in my life, and I have been reading since I was a little girl - met a horrible MC as this Sabrina/ Abby/ Ina. She is a mean bitch (calling the wife of her lover "barren" as an insult), selfish pick-me girl, an enabler of bad behaviours and a seriously boy-crazy product of misogynist who is more delulu than Emily in Paris.
She actually thinks she's a saint when the truth is that she's a homewrecker who is forever parched for men to fill her gap, if you catch my drift. And then of course, everybody thinks she's brave and selfless, everybody compliments her, owh, she's so amazing because who else is brave enough to be so ready to spread eagle for all the men in the world! Bravo! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Every one who has a dick falls for her, and if they don't, they're gays! Surprise!
I actually did hit the book because I can't burn it. But all my rants are directed solely to the MC, because I do not know the author, I have not heard any scandals about her. This is not the case of separating the artist from the art but about husnuzon.
I understand what it's like writing unbearable characters, they come out without you wanting them to come out that way. The characters take on lives of their own even if you don't agree with what they are, you are compelled to write them that way. I understand that in publishing, the book that came to be is not solely an author's work but also the work of the publishing team.
That being said though, I do not understand the whole purpose of the book. Who was it written for? Why was it written in the first place? I know it's not meant for me because I read for an escape and my kind of escape is when I get the satisfaction of knowing that bad people get justice served to them. With this book, the MC just got rewarded for bad behaviours. If I wanted that, I could very well read the news.
So this would be my last time purchasing any FIXI books (I still have a few I have not read sigh). Would I read the author's other works? Doubtful. Would I recommend this book? Never. Would I tell you to avoid this book? No. If my review makes you want to read it instead, by all means, do it. This is not a "I read so you don't have to".
But what is up with the high ratings and the reviewers gaslighting other people by saying "this is not for the traditional readers". What does that even mean?
This book got 1 star because I thought the grief of a mother was done well and I liked the friendship the main character (MC) had. The book was easy to read, and I could tell the writer could write well.
But this book should have come with trigger warnings, the main thing being CHEATING. Cheating can be someone's traumatic experience. Please do not normalize this bad behaviour. It's like normalizing scamming or fraud. I mean, that's exactly what it is, but in the matter of hearts.
Also why is sleeping around always shown to be good in FIXI's publication? Sleeping around is for needy people who need validation from another warm body because they have such low self-esteem to feel enough on their own.
Another point - what's up with all the "good" characters having mat salleh names while the "bad" characters (bad as in the MC disliked them) having Malay/ Arab names? And the audacity to talk about being independent and not colonized when throughout the book the MC has been buying nothing but brands on the boycott list like Starbucks and McD.
Anyway, I digress. I was initially misled into thinking that this book was about motherhood. Can you blame me, though? The title and the blurb gave me that impression. So imagine my disappointment when the motherhood part of it was like less than 10%.
The rest of it is about a woman's bad decisions one after another, with the focus being about her and guys. Naturally I thought oh shucks the blurb should've made it clear that it was a romance until a friend who is part of a romance book club said that cheating is a big no-no in that genre. So I don't know what this book should fall under.
But my gosh, I have never in my life, and I have been reading since I was a little girl - met a horrible MC as this Sabrina/ Abby/ Ina. She is a mean bitch (calling the wife of her lover "barren" as an insult), selfish pick-me girl, an enabler of bad behaviours and a seriously boy-crazy product of misogynist who is more delulu than Emily in Paris.
She actually thinks she's a saint when the truth is that she's a homewrecker who is forever parched for men to fill her gap, if you catch my drift. And then of course, everybody thinks she's brave and selfless, everybody compliments her, owh, she's so amazing because who else is brave enough to be so ready to spread eagle for all the men in the world! Bravo! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Every one who has a dick falls for her, and if they don't, they're gays! Surprise!
I actually did hit the book because I can't burn it. But all my rants are directed solely to the MC, because I do not know the author, I have not heard any scandals about her. This is not the case of separating the artist from the art but about husnuzon.
I understand what it's like writing unbearable characters, they come out without you wanting them to come out that way. The characters take on lives of their own even if you don't agree with what they are, you are compelled to write them that way. I understand that in publishing, the book that came to be is not solely an author's work but also the work of the publishing team.
That being said though, I do not understand the whole purpose of the book. Who was it written for? Why was it written in the first place? I know it's not meant for me because I read for an escape and my kind of escape is when I get the satisfaction of knowing that bad people get justice served to them. With this book, the MC just got rewarded for bad behaviours. If I wanted that, I could very well read the news.
So this would be my last time purchasing any FIXI books (I still have a few I have not read sigh). Would I read the author's other works? Doubtful. Would I recommend this book? Never. Would I tell you to avoid this book? No. If my review makes you want to read it instead, by all means, do it. This is not a "I read so you don't have to".
But what is up with the high ratings and the reviewers gaslighting other people by saying "this is not for the traditional readers". What does that even mean?
June 24, 2023
Read my full review here: https://kyratulamira.blogspot.com/202...
while at first i kind of relate to Abby because just like Abby, I too feel the same way as her. But she got WAY TOO condescending hurting everyone including her sister. Kinda crossing my morality value line. This book deals with complex themes unsuitable for the conservatives; infidelity, homosexuality, etc.
while at first i kind of relate to Abby because just like Abby, I too feel the same way as her. But she got WAY TOO condescending hurting everyone including her sister. Kinda crossing my morality value line. This book deals with complex themes unsuitable for the conservatives; infidelity, homosexuality, etc.
May 28, 2023
Most of the theme and story are the ones I can't even imagine, like "ada eh orang macam ni" kind of thing. Tapi sangat membuka mata yg those people are very much exists at the other side of our conforted world.
I can't imagine me being Abby, who strives all the struggles literally alone with just Rudy and Mak being her support.
I can't imagine me being Abby, who strives all the struggles literally alone with just Rudy and Mak being her support.
June 30, 2023
4.5/5
satu je nak cakap I LOVE NADIA KHAN WRITTING STYLE
satu je nak cakap I LOVE NADIA KHAN WRITTING STYLE
November 22, 2024
There are moments of almost brilliance in this book. The premise could have led to an amazing book, without necessarily sacrificing the irreverent character voice. However, the writing uses tons of clichés which drown out the emotional levity. The pace is also too fast for a story that requires a substantial amount of introspection to make it a stronger story.
June 1, 2023
Children We Never Had by Nadia Khan
Rating: ★★★★
It has been years since I last read anything from Fixi. I still remember my first Fixi book was Kelabu by Nadia Khan, and it shocked me with its writing and plot twists since I was still in high school.
Recently, I went to PBAKL, and decided to buy another book from Fixi so I bought Children We Never Had. It is an awe-inspiring read that made me discover, learn, and relate to a lot of things. The book is written in a way that is both engaging and thought-provoking, which kept me hooked until the very end.
However, let me remind you that this book may not be suitable for those who are conservative, as it touches on sensitive issues, especially in religion. The book deals with themes such as miscarriage, infidelity, home-wrecking, trauma, and more. These topics may be difficult to read for some readers, but they are crucial in understanding the complexity of human relationships and society.
The main character, Abby, elicited both love and hate from me. Although I can't always relate to her, her actions and emotions are realistic and human, which makes her character fascinating.
Reading Fixi books brings back my childhood memories, and I appreciate this book for making me feel good after not reading a Fixi book for a while 🤍
Rating: ★★★★
It has been years since I last read anything from Fixi. I still remember my first Fixi book was Kelabu by Nadia Khan, and it shocked me with its writing and plot twists since I was still in high school.
Recently, I went to PBAKL, and decided to buy another book from Fixi so I bought Children We Never Had. It is an awe-inspiring read that made me discover, learn, and relate to a lot of things. The book is written in a way that is both engaging and thought-provoking, which kept me hooked until the very end.
However, let me remind you that this book may not be suitable for those who are conservative, as it touches on sensitive issues, especially in religion. The book deals with themes such as miscarriage, infidelity, home-wrecking, trauma, and more. These topics may be difficult to read for some readers, but they are crucial in understanding the complexity of human relationships and society.
The main character, Abby, elicited both love and hate from me. Although I can't always relate to her, her actions and emotions are realistic and human, which makes her character fascinating.
Reading Fixi books brings back my childhood memories, and I appreciate this book for making me feel good after not reading a Fixi book for a while 🤍
December 10, 2024
That was bad, but the ending kinda make up for it. Honestly i don't even think i cared that much about Abby and the others. Comically stupid characters and ridiculous. I mean why the hell a "strong personality woman" would offer to be the surrogate mother to her secret lover and his wife? Sure we all made stupid decisions in life but this one gotta be top 3 dumbest shit in life. Lack of depth, no nuance at all and incredibly dull undertone and everything felt so forced.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 23, 2024
3.3 bintang
September 3, 2025
I can't believe I can finish this book in just two days because usually I take longer days to finish an English novel. I think what hooked me to read faster is because the author brought up rare and eye-opening issues in Malay setting novels. At least that's what I thought throughout my reading.
This story follows Abby who took the road less traveled, and managed to succeed. I was amazed with her strong spirit in managing a company. A road less traveled that she took not only involving her career, but also her love life. As the story goes along, I can't help it but I'm shocked with the decision taken, one after another. I really enjoyed reading this book, with some fun part that makes me laugh.
After the tragedy, she tried so hard to get back up in life, but somehow her situation with Yazid just got entangled when Yazid and his wife wanted to do things their way.
Along the way, there were Khairul and Lilian that had history back with Abby since high school. They mean so much to her like her own family. I like the plot development of Khairul-Abby-Lilian. I'm not expecting this, but with the story going towards the end, I understand them at a different level.
OMG, Mak's character - Abby's mother, was very well written. It touched my heart so many times in this story whenever Mak's scene appeared. Mak with her wisdom is awesome.
I like when the author revealed Abby's reason for her decision, it was unexpected. Somehow, it did make me understand more about her characteristics.
If you are judgemental, this book is not for you because the issues brought up in this book may be sensitive. But in a way, the author conveys the story so well, with the nice story pace, bringing you to a world that you may never face in your life. Reading them here makes you understand better about life other than your own.
I love how the story end. How Abby took control of her life and moved forward to a better life ahead.
This story follows Abby who took the road less traveled, and managed to succeed. I was amazed with her strong spirit in managing a company. A road less traveled that she took not only involving her career, but also her love life. As the story goes along, I can't help it but I'm shocked with the decision taken, one after another. I really enjoyed reading this book, with some fun part that makes me laugh.
After the tragedy, she tried so hard to get back up in life, but somehow her situation with Yazid just got entangled when Yazid and his wife wanted to do things their way.
Along the way, there were Khairul and Lilian that had history back with Abby since high school. They mean so much to her like her own family. I like the plot development of Khairul-Abby-Lilian. I'm not expecting this, but with the story going towards the end, I understand them at a different level.
OMG, Mak's character - Abby's mother, was very well written. It touched my heart so many times in this story whenever Mak's scene appeared. Mak with her wisdom is awesome.
I like when the author revealed Abby's reason for her decision, it was unexpected. Somehow, it did make me understand more about her characteristics.
If you are judgemental, this book is not for you because the issues brought up in this book may be sensitive. But in a way, the author conveys the story so well, with the nice story pace, bringing you to a world that you may never face in your life. Reading them here makes you understand better about life other than your own.
I love how the story end. How Abby took control of her life and moved forward to a better life ahead.
March 23, 2025
it’s giving sally rooney but malaysian. (i’ve read one (1) sally rooney.)
protagonist makes a range of questionable decisions, but experiencing things from her pov burst my bubble and allowed me to appreciate that real people really do think like that sometimes.
i may never completely understand them, but i guess it’s important to create space for their existence. does no one else worry for them, while watching them attain their flavour of happiness?
like… if a booktuber were to include the protagonist in a video titled “ranking book couples based on how likely they are to divorce”… it’s valid to be skeptical from the outside, right?
3.5 ⭐️ — had quite a few highlight-worthy lines!
protagonist makes a range of questionable decisions, but experiencing things from her pov burst my bubble and allowed me to appreciate that real people really do think like that sometimes.
i may never completely understand them, but i guess it’s important to create space for their existence. does no one else worry for them, while watching them attain their flavour of happiness?
like… if a booktuber were to include the protagonist in a video titled “ranking book couples based on how likely they are to divorce”… it’s valid to be skeptical from the outside, right?
3.5 ⭐️ — had quite a few highlight-worthy lines!
June 5, 2024
My thoughts?
1. Aku memang suka karya-karya Nadia Khan, and and this book is also not an exception. Buku ni best kut, pasal 5 stages of grief. But definitely not a safe blind buy. Especially for those yang... Conservative 😶🌫️
2. Penulisan yang mudah difahami, fast paced, kelakar, sarkastik. Aku memang sukalah gaya penulisan beliau. I read it in one sitting you know.
3. Aku suka gila dengan main character, Abby. Dia sejenis free will person. Ikut palotak dia. Dan aku sangat suka friendship between Abby dan Rudy. Definition of true best friends forever.
4. Aku geram pehal dia kena cari pasal dengan Yazid at the 1st place. Perlu ke 🤣 Abby cuma nak mereka jadi "friends with benefits" but Yazid end up wanting more. Di situ yang menjadi punca segala masalah yang sebenarnya.
5. Satu benda je yang aku tak puas hati dalam cerita ni. Apesal Abby kena pilih si Khai 🤣 Tak boleh ke dia just jadi father figure je. Aku tak boleh la. I'm not a fan of age gap trope sorryyyyy. Better dia stay BFF dengan Rudy je untuk ending. Sebab Abby sangat strong, you slay girl. You don't need man in your life! Haha
6. Sepanjang perjalanan cerita bila kau dapat tengok character development Abby. Bagaimana dia cope dengan grief sampai fasa terakhir acceptance. Banyak benda yang kau boleh relate dan belajar. So buku ni memang best bagi aku.
L
Personal rating:
4/5
1. Aku memang suka karya-karya Nadia Khan, and and this book is also not an exception. Buku ni best kut, pasal 5 stages of grief. But definitely not a safe blind buy. Especially for those yang... Conservative 😶🌫️
2. Penulisan yang mudah difahami, fast paced, kelakar, sarkastik. Aku memang sukalah gaya penulisan beliau. I read it in one sitting you know.
3. Aku suka gila dengan main character, Abby. Dia sejenis free will person. Ikut palotak dia. Dan aku sangat suka friendship between Abby dan Rudy. Definition of true best friends forever.
4. Aku geram pehal dia kena cari pasal dengan Yazid at the 1st place. Perlu ke 🤣 Abby cuma nak mereka jadi "friends with benefits" but Yazid end up wanting more. Di situ yang menjadi punca segala masalah yang sebenarnya.
5. Satu benda je yang aku tak puas hati dalam cerita ni. Apesal Abby kena pilih si Khai 🤣 Tak boleh ke dia just jadi father figure je. Aku tak boleh la. I'm not a fan of age gap trope sorryyyyy. Better dia stay BFF dengan Rudy je untuk ending. Sebab Abby sangat strong, you slay girl. You don't need man in your life! Haha
6. Sepanjang perjalanan cerita bila kau dapat tengok character development Abby. Bagaimana dia cope dengan grief sampai fasa terakhir acceptance. Banyak benda yang kau boleh relate dan belajar. So buku ni memang best bagi aku.
L
Personal rating:
4/5
June 6, 2023
Waa, this is my first Fixi book after so many years.
TW: loss of loved one, miscarriage, LGBT r'ship, infidelity
The writing was easy to read and as a 32 year old myself, I can relate a bit to Abby although I have love hate . This book definitely gives you emotions - anger, grief, loss etc And this book may not be for everyone especially if you never read a book from FIXI or a traditionalist/conservative.
In the end, everybody do need closure with someone, not necessary with everyone.
TW: loss of loved one, miscarriage, LGBT r'ship, infidelity
The writing was easy to read and as a 32 year old myself, I can relate a bit to Abby although I have love hate . This book definitely gives you emotions - anger, grief, loss etc And this book may not be for everyone especially if you never read a book from FIXI or a traditionalist/conservative.
In the end, everybody do need closure with someone, not necessary with everyone.
January 13, 2024
personally i wish this book explores more…? Im not sure what exactly but certainly not just her meeting the men in her life and started developing feelings+romance. Oh well, maybe thats just the way things go. Kinda sucks that the serious convo she had with her mum is at the end of the story. I’d say reading this is pretty disappointing especially with the premise stated at the back of the book cover, certainly did not expect the main character to meet with her former teacher and developing romantic feelings ???? going to bangkok with her former highschool boyfriend ????? not gonna get super hung up over a book and gonna box this book as slice-of-life romance novel.
The book has good writing, some plots are a bit sudden but it’s light and enjoyable. i’d still recommend it just to see what people would comment on this haha.
The book has good writing, some plots are a bit sudden but it’s light and enjoyable. i’d still recommend it just to see what people would comment on this haha.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 9, 2024
“For not loving the woman I married. For not marrying the woman I love.” -Yazid from chapter 26.
What a smooth quote from an official douchebag 😭
This has been a slow read for me because i got distracted by the drama and took up other books over the years. Overall, i actually like it because it depicted possibilities of uncharted teritories out there. It shows that everyone lives a different life.
Lesson learned - your feelings matter and whatever you’re feeling, valid.
The ending doesn’t sit quite well for me. It’s a happy ending, closure done with jinah ✅, mom ✅, yazid ✅, fikri ✅, fiancee and daughter ✅. However, I personally feel it’s incomplete. I still need a better closure between her father and Abby. Maybe writer wanna shows that problematic egoistic father need no better treatment, it still feels left out somehow.
What a smooth quote from an official douchebag 😭
This has been a slow read for me because i got distracted by the drama and took up other books over the years. Overall, i actually like it because it depicted possibilities of uncharted teritories out there. It shows that everyone lives a different life.
Lesson learned - your feelings matter and whatever you’re feeling, valid.
The ending doesn’t sit quite well for me. It’s a happy ending, closure done with jinah ✅, mom ✅, yazid ✅, fikri ✅, fiancee and daughter ✅. However, I personally feel it’s incomplete. I still need a better closure between her father and Abby. Maybe writer wanna shows that problematic egoistic father need no better treatment, it still feels left out somehow.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 20, 2023
Buku ini sesungguhnya memerlukan keterbukaan minda yang amat luas. I don't mind the premise about surrogate mother, but to fall in love with your own teacher like hmm i just can't digest and can't fathom. Ter imagine cikgu cikgu yang kahwin dengan budak budak macam dalam tiktok. Buku Nadia Khan ni selalunya plot twist dia betul betul twisted, but this one not really.
January 11, 2025
I have a love-hate relationship with this book. Pada pandangan saya, buku ini kurang sesuai untuk pembaca muda. Saya harap mungkin lepas ni Fixi boleh letak flag "For adult reader" macam di buku-buku BM. I picked this book sebab ingatkan tak ada flag tu mungkin clean. Cover pun nampak innocent. But it really is not. Hahaha! That's all I can say for now.
June 26, 2025
I don’t usually think of myself as conservative, but some parts of the book felt a bit unrealistic or disconnected from the cultural context—like how can the author make the MC be so… free??? like i struggled to understand how the MC—a Malay Muslim woman in Malaysia—was portrayed with such extreme freedom, to the point of having no boundaries.
and imo, it also felt unrealistic that the characters (Sabrina, Yazid, and Alya) weren’t aware that surrogacy is haram. that part really threw me off…
Then, the author tryna portrayed Sabrina as a strong independent woman that is too self-absorbed, but how can she be so chronically selfless sampai agree to become a surrogate for Yazid? it’s contradicting cs she also goes around saying she doesn’t like him enough to be with. I found her dynamic with Yazid really confusing—maybe i missed some emotional buildup, but their connection didn’t feel grounded.
oh and her sudden romance with Cikgu Khairul… i didn’t see it coming…
i rarely dislike the books i read but this one really didn’t work for me. i gave 2⭐️ bcs the writing style is engaging and the story itself is intriguing ngl.
this is my first impression of the author btw. i really hope her other works can can change my mind.
and imo, it also felt unrealistic that the characters (Sabrina, Yazid, and Alya) weren’t aware that surrogacy is haram. that part really threw me off…
Then, the author tryna portrayed Sabrina as a strong independent woman that is too self-absorbed, but how can she be so chronically selfless sampai agree to become a surrogate for Yazid? it’s contradicting cs she also goes around saying she doesn’t like him enough to be with. I found her dynamic with Yazid really confusing—maybe i missed some emotional buildup, but their connection didn’t feel grounded.
oh and her sudden romance with Cikgu Khairul… i didn’t see it coming…
i rarely dislike the books i read but this one really didn’t work for me. i gave 2⭐️ bcs the writing style is engaging and the story itself is intriguing ngl.
this is my first impression of the author btw. i really hope her other works can can change my mind.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 19, 2025
Well done! 5 ⭐️ reads from me, as this book involves women's fiction that happens in real life.
Definitely this book is not for traditional readers, as this book lots of monologue and should provides a better understanding being directional as for traditional readers.
"Here we are, four generations of women with all our pain, dissipating them into the air and burying them into the ground" - this, shows how mourning and healing for the characters inside this book at the same time. Im quite reach for the sad part, but then sudden, im not that sad anymore😁.. quite happy with sabrina's ending.
I was so gotten into this book and sometimes i felt that im the main character as some of the part were related to me🙂
Anyways, For overall, this book might be the"probably" fav tbr for july🥰
Definitely this book is not for traditional readers, as this book lots of monologue and should provides a better understanding being directional as for traditional readers.
"Here we are, four generations of women with all our pain, dissipating them into the air and burying them into the ground" - this, shows how mourning and healing for the characters inside this book at the same time. Im quite reach for the sad part, but then sudden, im not that sad anymore😁.. quite happy with sabrina's ending.
I was so gotten into this book and sometimes i felt that im the main character as some of the part were related to me🙂
Anyways, For overall, this book might be the"probably" fav tbr for july🥰
June 6, 2025
This book is what i would call left wing feminists fantasy- girl can fuck around as she please and later got a noble good husband that “accept her for who she is” -delusional. But again, its fiction. Whats up with fixi books romanticising infidelity, dumb characters but claimed to be strong women when she need male validation all the time? Why no characters in this book react the way they should react? I picked up this book thinking it would highlight mother-unborn child bond, but all i got is over praising a woman that make a very bad choice.
Maybe i was too harsh. Maybe i am too conservative? Maybe. But i dont get one moral value from this book. It does tell us the real world or how fked up things are happening that we may not aware of, but the way it is being told in this story is not telling us to do the right thing. At least thats what i think.
I like the writing style though, the (brackets) that can make us feel more in character. I think thats all i like about the book.
Maybe i was too harsh. Maybe i am too conservative? Maybe. But i dont get one moral value from this book. It does tell us the real world or how fked up things are happening that we may not aware of, but the way it is being told in this story is not telling us to do the right thing. At least thats what i think.
I like the writing style though, the (brackets) that can make us feel more in character. I think thats all i like about the book.
December 11, 2023
I first read Nadia's short story "Savages" in KL Noir White and then the famous horror story "Gantung" a few years ago. I found both stories very interesting and intriguing because Fixi novels were different from what I was used to during that time. I like how she narrates her story—straightforward and a little vulgar, which suits the genre. I immediately became a fan of her writing style. Since I love mystery and crime fiction, I thoroughly enjoyed her previous works. So when I saw this novel on a bookstand, I immediately bought it. However, it was very different from what I expected from Nadia. It kind of gives the vibe of stories from "Chicken Soup for the Soul" because there are so many "moral values" that I learned. Here are some of the things I learned from this book.
1) Making choices and owning up to it: Abby was an ambitious, rebellious, and free-spirited woman. Her life was all about work until she met Yazid. Ironically, although they had an affair, she does not love him, yet she agrees to have a child with him with the intention of helping Yazid's wife, Alya, who wasn't able to bear children. As Abby said, "My brain was busy trying to convince me that I was a modern, independent woman who could make my own decisions no matter how wrong those decisions may be." She knows what she's doing is wrong in many ways, being a Malay and Muslim where having an out-of-wedlock child is prohibited, but she proceeds simply because she can and wants to make those decisions.
2) About losing and finding love: Because of her decisions, she had to face the consequences. Her life collapsed after she lost her baby. She was estranged from her father, mother, and sister, who didn’t agree with her decisions. She pushes everyone around her because she feels like they're pushing her away. In the process of healing herself, she found love in Khai. She learned to accept her fate, forgive herself, and love again because she believes that "love and kindness stay forever."
3) Mother's love - I love what Nadia wrote on the first page - "To all the mothers with children, who are trying their best. To all the mothers without children, who mother anyway." This narrative is a heartfelt tribute to the diverse spectrum of motherhood. It celebrates the resilience and love that defines mothers, irrespective of the unique paths they traverse. Whether a mother endures the pain of losing an unborn child, embraces the journey of adoption, or navigates the complexities of estrangement, the essence of motherhood transcends these challenges. In this story, the universal bond of maternal love is honoured, acknowledging that the title "mother" extends far beyond conventional norms and circumstances.
1) Making choices and owning up to it: Abby was an ambitious, rebellious, and free-spirited woman. Her life was all about work until she met Yazid. Ironically, although they had an affair, she does not love him, yet she agrees to have a child with him with the intention of helping Yazid's wife, Alya, who wasn't able to bear children. As Abby said, "My brain was busy trying to convince me that I was a modern, independent woman who could make my own decisions no matter how wrong those decisions may be." She knows what she's doing is wrong in many ways, being a Malay and Muslim where having an out-of-wedlock child is prohibited, but she proceeds simply because she can and wants to make those decisions.
2) About losing and finding love: Because of her decisions, she had to face the consequences. Her life collapsed after she lost her baby. She was estranged from her father, mother, and sister, who didn’t agree with her decisions. She pushes everyone around her because she feels like they're pushing her away. In the process of healing herself, she found love in Khai. She learned to accept her fate, forgive herself, and love again because she believes that "love and kindness stay forever."
3) Mother's love - I love what Nadia wrote on the first page - "To all the mothers with children, who are trying their best. To all the mothers without children, who mother anyway." This narrative is a heartfelt tribute to the diverse spectrum of motherhood. It celebrates the resilience and love that defines mothers, irrespective of the unique paths they traverse. Whether a mother endures the pain of losing an unborn child, embraces the journey of adoption, or navigates the complexities of estrangement, the essence of motherhood transcends these challenges. In this story, the universal bond of maternal love is honoured, acknowledging that the title "mother" extends far beyond conventional norms and circumstances.
July 22, 2024
It’s a swift read - I read it in one sitting - well-written and witty. Nadia Khan should write more in English. It touches upon a range of social thematics - and I believe we are familiar with the notion that most of the things that go broad does so at the cost of depth.
Yet, it isn’t something I was particularly against, for the novel seems to be character-oriented, and I am a sucker for such narrative.
I consider myself a MUSLIM muslim so naturally - I frown upon the drama. And yet everyone sins differently (it’s easier to relate with Sabrina the protagonist with this lenses).
I don’t penalise the book for being explicit about taboo subjects for I don’t see the book as an advocator for the bad behaviours — but note that it doesn’t advocate for religiosity, either - even if it does so, then it’s mild and faint - suiting the target audience whom I suspect share some obvious similarities with the protagonist. Perhaps a tinge of spirituality was there - but I guess what Nadia Khan did mostly was depicting the reality of some urban Muslims - and she did so in a page-turning way—
Still, I’m taking away a star for it didn’t make sense to me why the protagonist couldn’t see that just as much as whatever good she has done might come around to her, same goes to whatever sinful - or, as she seems to be against the religiously defined codes of wrongdoings - then whatever against one’s morale.
I’m not one who believes that our deeds are qualifiers for the blessings coming our way - for the latter is unconditional— being able to engage in good deeds are blessings of their own is what I believe in - so for someone like me who the protagonist would paint over with the term Traditionalist with her broad brush - that’s the only flaw I see towards the resolution of the novel, and one that I am highlighting mainly because I feel like the book tried to imply that the way the character progresses towards the end is one of the many ways in which “correct” healing looks like.
But again - perhaps the first step to kindness is being one to oneself first before other - and in that way, maybe the ending of the book was the beginning for Sabrina. I could only guess —
Yet, it isn’t something I was particularly against, for the novel seems to be character-oriented, and I am a sucker for such narrative.
I consider myself a MUSLIM muslim so naturally - I frown upon the drama. And yet everyone sins differently (it’s easier to relate with Sabrina the protagonist with this lenses).
I don’t penalise the book for being explicit about taboo subjects for I don’t see the book as an advocator for the bad behaviours — but note that it doesn’t advocate for religiosity, either - even if it does so, then it’s mild and faint - suiting the target audience whom I suspect share some obvious similarities with the protagonist. Perhaps a tinge of spirituality was there - but I guess what Nadia Khan did mostly was depicting the reality of some urban Muslims - and she did so in a page-turning way—
Still, I’m taking away a star for it didn’t make sense to me why the protagonist couldn’t see that just as much as whatever good she has done might come around to her, same goes to whatever sinful - or, as she seems to be against the religiously defined codes of wrongdoings - then whatever against one’s morale.
I’m not one who believes that our deeds are qualifiers for the blessings coming our way - for the latter is unconditional— being able to engage in good deeds are blessings of their own is what I believe in - so for someone like me who the protagonist would paint over with the term Traditionalist with her broad brush - that’s the only flaw I see towards the resolution of the novel, and one that I am highlighting mainly because I feel like the book tried to imply that the way the character progresses towards the end is one of the many ways in which “correct” healing looks like.
But again - perhaps the first step to kindness is being one to oneself first before other - and in that way, maybe the ending of the book was the beginning for Sabrina. I could only guess —
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