Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World

by Scott Sky Keoni Shigeoka

Maximize your potential for connection, healing, and personal growth with this “timely bridge for our divided world.” (Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Hidden Potential)

"We've been hiding from each other for far too long. Seek offers us an empathic, practical, and heartfelt road map forward." ―Seth Godin, author of The Song of Significance and Tribes

If you've felt alienated and alone in recent years, you're in good company. Whether it's a rift in your family, polarization at your workplace or just a sense that society isn't as connected as it once was, many of us feel painful chasms in our connections. Internationally-recognized curiosity expert and bridge builder Scott Shigeoka knows that there’s only one Deep Curiosity. 
 
Rooted in a desire to understand, rather than to know, a practice of Deep Curiosity can help us leverage something we think of as an intellectual force or personality trait into a heart-centered daily practice to transform our well-being and our lives.
 
In Seek, Shigeoka blends cutting-edge research with electric, vulnerable storytelling to teach readers their signature DIVE model. With his guidance, you’ll learn more than a dozen practical strategies

Detach — Let go of your ABCs (assumptions, biases, certainty), Intend — Prepare your mindset and setting, Value — See the dignity of every person, including yourself, Embrace — Welcome the hard times in your life.  
“Energizing, creative, and exciting” (Gretchen Rubin), Seek is a revolutionary playbook to heal division, loneliness, estrangement, hatred, and our most urgent societal challenges. 
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Business, Relationships, Audiobook

228 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 14, 2023

Reviews

[Chris Boutté · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had some high hopes for this book, but I was pretty let down. Curiosity changed my life when I was in early sobriety and learned about mindfulness. Mindfulness helped me change my judgments of feelings and experiences into curiosity, and it’s made my life so much better. When I saw this new book from Scott Shigeoka, I knew I wanted to check it out. Unfortunately, it’s just a very standard self-help book for business professionals.

For those of you who don’t know, there’s a lot of money in being a corporate speaker. Companies pay people 10s of thousands of dollars or more to come give talks to their company. This has led many researchers with a little charisma down the path of writing books like this one. Don’t get me wrong, some of these people write super good books, but this one was very mid. I actually don’t even remember if the author said he does corporate speaking, but if he doesn’t, he’s clearly trying to become one.

The first thing that turned me off about this book was early on, he promoted The Body Keeps the Score, which makes me question every other piece of research and science he discusses throughout the book. Next, the book doesn’t have much of a focus on curiosity despite the title. There were many times while reading this book that I legitimately couldn’t remember what the primary theme was because it was such generic self-help writing.

Hands down, the worst part about this book is that he tries to explain how curiosity can help bridge political divides. When he mentioned this in the intro, I was like, “Alright, let’s see if you can sell me on this,” and it was awful. He talks about how he assumed every religious person hated gay people or that every conservative person thought one way. Once he had some conversations, he realized this wasn’t the case.

All I could think was “Really? You’re a grown-ass man, and you thought there was 0% of people in those groups who think somewhat differently?” So, yes, if you’re a close-minded childish person, you’ll be blown away by the fact that some conservatives and religious people aren’t extreme.

We live in a time where there are people who literally think trans people shouldn’t exist, women shouldn’t have bodily autonomy, LGTBQ people shouldn’t have the same rights as us, we shouldn’t teach kids about racism, and so many other terrible things. These are very hateful views, and I know some of these people can be swayed to change their minds. But we also live in a time where these people with rose-colored glasses think we should just look at these people and say, “You like food?! I like food! We’re not so different after all!”

In my opinion, this is a major disservice to all of the marginalized communities being affected by the hate speech, hate crimes, and laws being passed that keep them oppressed. I don’t know what the solution is because I know it’s not to just hate these people with extreme views. What I do know is the solution is definitely not to pretend like someone is a decent person while that person also thinks others don’t deserve basic human rights or dignity.

There is definitely some great advice sprinkled throughout this book, but I think this one’s an easy pass for most people.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author, Scott Shigeoka, weaves research and stories to to show that curiosity must be a lifelong habit, and not something we abandon after childhood. He uses the acronym DIVE — Detach (letting go of assumptions), Intend (be actively curious, not just a bystander), Value (recognize that you won’t always agree and that’s OK), Embrace (welcome whatever comes) — to encourage people to be more curious about the world around them. His thesis is that only by being this curios can we understand ourselves, the people around us and the wider world. This is an intriguing and well-researched book with many practices to implement — and I will!

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an advance reader copy.

[Josephine May · Rating 2 out of 5]

My take on this book is probably slightly based on the fact that I am a fiction reader and I read this in a very short period of time retaining very little information but I feel this could go so much deeper. I enjoyed the storytelling, especially the story about the nuns and the trump rally because it was interesting to see how the people interacted. Still, I felt that all the informational sections of the book were very surface-level. Maybe some people don't realize that they need to be curious to understand themselves and others truly but I kind of already had this figured out my whole life. I think if this had gone a bit further into human interaction and had been less of a guidebook about how to judge or not judge others then I would have been more interested in it. This wasn't a bad read but it didn't spark as much thought in me as I had expected or hoped.

[Helen French · Rating 4 out of 5]

The pros and cons of this book are the same: The author has written a whole book about 'curiosity'.

It's an interesting topic and, on the whole, the author has filled it with insights, personal experience, research and talking to experts, so it is most assuredly not just filler. However, there are nevertheless times when some might wonder if it would make more impact as a paper than a book. How many people will be this deeply interested in deep curiosity?

But, having read the book, I do think it's a value worth using and teaching, and I noted down several insights that I think I can use or teach in a work context.

The author includes a framework for developing a deeper sense of curiosity (DIVE) which some may find useful, too. In short, it's: Detach (let go of assumptions/biases); Intend (prepare your mindset); Value (see the dignity of everyone and yourself); Embrace (welcome the hard times).

An interesting read that did make me think about my own curiosity levels.

[LaShanda Chamberlain · Rating 4 out of 5]

In his thought-provoking book, Scott Shigeoka underscores the pivotal role of curiosity in life, advocating for its development through the DIVE framework (Detach, Intend, Value, Embrace). The book is replete with engaging content, particularly the illuminating "Cup of Tea" and ABCS analogies. Before encountering these concepts, I hadn't given much thought to the idea of deep curiosity, but its significance now resonates with me.

Scott suggests that deep curiosity functions as a potent remedy for feelings of anxiety, disconnection, fear, and loneliness, providing valuable tools to navigate these challenges. The book also engages in genuine discussions about the art of cultivating meaningful human connections. I found this book to be particularly enjoyable, prompting moments of reflection as I read.

I had the privilege of exploring an advance copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review, and the opinions expressed here are my own.

[Sharyn Berg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can I say that I was curious about this book? I learned a lot about curiosity, and a lot about the author. I found it interesting to learn a bit about how our minds work, and what curiosity is, and why it is so important. I consider myself a lifelong learner, and I ask lots of questions, so this book was insightful for me. It is textbook-like at times, but at other times, the author shares bits about his life and his own thoughts on things, which is also interesting. Thank you to NetGalley for the advance read copy.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5
"Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World" by Scott Shigeoka is an excellent nonfiction book that touches on the power of approaching the world with curiosity. Shigeoka provides not only insightful looks at moments in his life when curiosity has helped but also concrete steps that the reader can take to utilize creativity in new ways. I'll definitely be picking up a hard copy of this book because I want to reference the different approaches and suggestions that Shigeoka includes.

[Karin H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a catalyst for sparking creativity and curiosity, exactly what one would anticipate given its title. The author, Shigeoka, masterfully draws readers into the realm of innovative thinking.

The book promotes transformation by providing practical tools such as thought-provoking questions, comprehensive lists, and engaging exercises. It's a resource that won't disappoint; it equips you with fresh perspectives and tools that enhance your creativity, whether you're strolling through the city, participating in a meeting, or starting a new day. This book is a treasure trove for anyone looking to enrich their creative endeavors and conversations.

[Louise Foerster · Rating 5 out of 5]

I fell into SEEK by Scott Shigeoka and enjoyed a smart, wonderfully enlightening view into curiosity, feeling my own ideas stir with his excellent writing, stories , and deep examination of what we all share in common if we let ourselves: finding out the answer to our "Why?" in everyday ordinary and deep, philosophical musing. Definitely a book to gift, to read and, most importantly, wonder where it will take you now that you've had your curiosity aroused. A keeper! I received a copy of this book and these opinions are my own, unbiased thoughts.

[Jerry Wall]

Curiosity as way of working up nerve to explore beyond your mind.
Curious, then brave enough to talk to others, try new things, participate in the world.
Copyright in 2023
Many checklists, etc. to get you participating.

[Carolynn Jimenez]

A great read for educators at the beginning of the school year. I’ll be returning to some of these ideas for sure.

[Todd Haines · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most like a traing class one would be required to take

This isn't a good or bad book but throughout the book it read like a seminar. Likely true. It's similar to things I already do. One part of the book the author mentioned 3 items he insinuated were bad to illustrate a point. At least.one of those has utility in my field. I laughed and shook my head and thought well this guy should get curious about that. All the encouragement to be curious then disparage something. Nope

[Max Perez · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think im a bit curious…

[Paul]

Very good stuff. Not necessarily new info but very solid, and will help any reader.

Thanks very much for the review copy!!

[Marlena Boesch · Rating 4 out of 5]

I audio booked it like a podcast and really enjoyed makes ya think

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about curiosity, Scott Shikeoga’s “Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World” seems quite relevant to me (Thanks, Dr. Dave, Mindfulness Teacher). I love the idea of approaching life from the vantage point of curiosity, rather than from either knowing or not knowing. I love the concept that one can apply curiosity as a stance for one’s own self as well as for that of other people. Shigeoki presents his hypothesis with stories, examples and suggestions. He uses DIVE (Detach, Intend, Value, Embrace) as an acronym in applying his ideas. This book bears rereading.

[Jennifer Messenger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Curiosity is the topic and also the writing style in this terrific book about how to let go of assumptions and really get to know ourselves and others. Smart and helpful research references delivered with a clear look at what they mean and how to use them. Essential resource for people who want to know their friends and family more deeply (especially those with different perspectives), teams that want to connect at a deeper level and stay open to new insights, and whole communities. What if we each read, shared and built a movement of curiosity?

[Drew Worsham · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read in this day and age

[Mikala · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful book that weaves insightful life hacks, personal anecdotes and suggestions for putting in to practice and evangelizing "curiosity." I put that in quotes because this book is about so much more! The most useful tips for me were about how to approach new situations in an open and accepting way, such as how to individuate and not just ask questions because you're supposed to. Other useful tidbits were about how much or how little other people are actually thinking about you and your behavior and how to stop your downward spiral of damaging thinking after a perceived bad performance.
There are a few paragraphs where I felt the author got a bit off track and I would have liked a few more references such as published studies mentioned in text (they are cited as references).
Overall, I found this to be informative for an already curious person. I hope that people that aren't already naturally curious about everything find their way to the pages of this great book!

[Nadia Lynch · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Seek" captivated me by offering a fresh perspective on familiar self-improvement concepts. While not groundbreaking in introducing new ideas, this book artfully resonates with readers through its unique take on well-trodden topics. Reminiscent of Brene Brown's "Braving The Wilderness," "Seek" stood out by speaking to me in a personal and impactful manner. It's a compelling read for those seeking a nuanced understanding of personal growth and self-discovery.
The audio was done perfectly and I think this is a great audiobook choice.

[LeeAnn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, takes awhile to read

[Jane Hoppe · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Did you know that curiosity is your superpower?” heads the book jacket’s intriguing invitation to read Scott Shigeoka’s Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World. The book jacket’s description certainly piqued my curiosity. I wanted to learn to ask more interesting questions because of my father’s habit of asking us kids at the dinner table, “What good questions did you ask at school today?” Note: He didn’t ask the expected question, “What did you learn?” His question instead implied we should proactively engage with people and information. Decades later—and I suppose more recently reminded by the Ted Lasso mantra unfurling on neighbors’ front-porch flags, Be Curious, Not Judgmental—I wanted to learn how to follow Dad’s wisdom. Shigeoka’s book, Seek, delivered more than I could have asked or imagined.

Shigeoka introduces concepts like deep curiosity and predatory, agenda-driven curiosity. He addresses different curiosity blocks, such as bias, assumption, and fear of uncertainty, and he offers hints to surmount such obstacles. Curiosity opens our worlds to other viewpoints and parts of people we might not see in normal, mundane, fact-exchanging conversation. But curiosity toward ourselves is also horizon-expanding. It leads us to apply self-compassion and come out the other side of life’s destabilizing events with renewed, hopeful, wiser perspectives. In promoting openness and curiosity, Shigeoka emphasizes the importance of listening. But he also advises how to discern when it’s best to listen and when to speak.

Seek is well-researched. Shigeoka presents concepts supported by psychological and behavioral studies as well as insights of writers and poets. With humility and humor, he includes stories from his own curiosity journey. I appreciated that he goes beyond educating the reader; I found this book very encouraging as well. In a culture where the most opinionated screamer appears to win, we need courage to move toward people with open, quiet, genuine curiosity.

Speaking of courage, one practice worth mentioning in more detail is “Become an Admitter.” On page 101, Shigeoka recaps four detaching strategies, one of which is admitting when you’re wrong. Enter a conversation with openness to (1) discover another view but stand pat with your own and (2) be willing to reroute your own thinking. He says, “See admitting being wrong as an act of intellectual humility that leads to better communication, relationships, leadership, and life satisfaction. You can do this by saying ‘Tell me more’ when you’re told you’re wrong, prioritizing learning and growth, and reminding yourself that humans are wired for forgiveness.”

As for learning to follow my dad’s example, I did pick up further inspiration and plenty of examples of good questions to be asking people. One in a list Shigeoka gives reminded me of the Seek book jacket: “What is a superpower you have that helps you or others?”

[James]

"Most people recognize the value of curiosity, but few know how to unleash it. Seek will help you close the gap between awareness and action. Scott Shigeoka's thirst for understanding and connection is contagious, and his book is a timely bridge for our divided world." ―Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and Hidden Potential, and host of the TED podcast Re:Thinking Open your mind, heal your relationships, and connect across divides with this "energizing, creative, and exciting" (Gretchen Rubin) approach to deep curiosity from an internationally-recognized curiosity expert--perfect for readers of Atlas of the Heart and Talking to Strangers. Did you know that curiosity is your superpower? It's no secret that division, loneliness, and polarization are on the rise--to catastrophic impact on our personal lives. While we often think of curiosity as a personality trait, internationally-recognized curiosity expert Scott Shigeoka knows that it's actually the most potent tool we have to bridge our differences and heal relationships: From political blow-ups to age divides at work; religious differences to languishing friendships; gun rights to gender rights. In Seek, Shigeoka blends cutting edge research on curiosity with wisdom from years of grassroots community work and the stories of people living at the threshold of deep curiosity--ancient wayfinders in the Pacific Ocean, Catholic nuns and Millennial seekers sharing a convent, a wildland firefighter in Montana, and more--as he takes readers on a journey to understand the power of deep curiosity. With the support of Shigoeka's four-phase DIVE model, readers will learn to... Detach -- Let go of their ABCs (assumptions, biases, certainty), Intend -- Prepare their mindset and setting, Value -- See the dignity of every person, including themselves, Embrace -- Welcome the hard times in their life, ...As they unlock the capacity for connection, healing, and personal growth. With electric vulnerability, thoughtful storytelling, and actionable tools, Seek calls each of us to stop turning away from what is unfamiliar, uncomfortable or unknown and, instead, embrace our power to seek. "We've been hiding from each other for far too long. Seek offers us an empathic, practical and heartfelt road map forward." ―Seth Godin, author of The Song of Significance

[Lily Kriegs · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "SEEK: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World," Scott Shigeoka masterfully takes us through an immersive exploration of curiosity. This book is a journey of understanding, learning, and profound reflection. Each chapter brought a constant change in perspective, filled with rich reflections that encouraged deep introspection.

What I loved most was how the book delved into concepts like the DIVE framework, empathetic accuracy and intellectual humility. These ideas are practical and deeply relevant, especially in today's tumultuous times. The narrative doesn't just tell you about curiosity; it pulls you into a curious mindset, making you question and ponder the world in ways I hadn't before.

"SEEK" advocates for a curious approach to life's challenges and complexities, making a compelling case for curiosity as a vital ingredient in problem-solving and empathy. In a world troubled with division and quick judgments, the lessons here urge us to step back, reflect, and embrace a more understanding and inquisitive approach to life and people around us.

A must-read for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and the world.

[Katerina Canyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Scott Shigeoka’s “Seek” is an enlightening and transformative book that has had a profound impact on my life. Through his insightful writing, Scott teaches us the power of curiosity and how it can reshape our interactions and experiences.

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned from “Seek” is the importance of approaching conversations and people with genuine curiosity rather than a confrontational mindset. This shift has allowed me to connect more deeply with others and appreciate diverse perspectives in a way I never thought possible.

Additionally, “Seek” has encouraged me to embrace new experiences rather than fear them. Scott’s reflections and personal stories have inspired me to step out of my comfort zone and welcome the unknown with an open heart. This change in perspective has led to personal growth and a richer, more fulfilling life.

“Seek” is more than just a book; it is a guide to living a more curious, open, and meaningful life. I highly recommend it to anyone looking to transform their approach to the world and the people around them.

Thank you, Scott Shigeoka, for sharing your wisdom and positively impacting my life.

[Ian Mapp · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interested in improving my curiosity about life and used AI to recommend some books. This one came up several times, so I thought I would give it a go on Spotify Audiobooks, narrated by the writer.

Who has a very particular voice! A gay asian, liberal Asian/American.

As usual with these types of self help books, its mainly common sense that you already now, extended beyond the point of repetition to get a full book out of it.

It may have made more sense to have read it, rather than listening to it, as any notes that really struck a cord could have been noted. Difficult to do if you are on public transport or driving.

I'm fairly sure my friends would be utterly sick of me if I asked them so many searching questions and most of the acronym approaches to life (DIVE) were forgotten before the book was finished.

That said, it is good to be curious. I have looked at his website to see if any of the information is in a easy crib sheet format - but not really. He's setup as a public speaker for corporate now and keen to show off the companys he has worked for in a very glossy format.

[Erin Vandeven · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always listed curiosity as one of my personal values and personality traits, so when I stumbled on the reference to this book in another book (Soundtracks by Jon Acuff) I added it to my TBR.

I enjoyed a lot of the content in this book, but the real shining star is Scott himself. Listening to the audio I was swept up by his authentic enthusiasm for curiosity and his natural tendency to explore, learn and understand more about people in the world around him. It's this tendency to learn from others that is the heart of the "curiosity" framework in this book, called the DIVE model (Detach, Invite, Value and Engage) that is the major appeal of this book.

While a book on bridging differences between opposing view points could become preachy or intense, somehow this book stays light and approachable throughout. I did both the audio and digital versions and it got me thinking more about reading further into some non fiction focused on some of my other personal values such as compassion, discovery, leadership and positivity.

[Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance · Rating 4 out of 5]

Notes from this book:

Use curiosity as a powerful way to connect with others. Instead of judging others who think differently from us, Scott Shigeoka suggests we use deliberate and deep curiosity to (1) understand, (2) to transform relationships, and (3) to feel seen, heard, and validated. He cautions us that there are speed bumps: fear, trauma, time, distance. Shigeoka uses the acronym DIVE to remind us how to use curiosity: D for detach, empty the cup of assumptions, biases, and certainty; I for intend, to act with intention using mindset, attention, questions, visualize, spark, and commit; V for value, care for people by leaning in, value you, brave pause, accept the whole, toward, equity; and E for embrace, the opportunities of impact, slow down, courage to be curious, compassion, see & hear, and sit 'with.'

Spread curiosity by using sharing questions, knowing that curiosity sparks curiosity.

[Diane Bailey-Boulet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first became aware of Scott Shigeoka when I participated in a 2020 Greater Good Science Foundation “Bridging Differences” conference. He stood out for his kind, thought-provoking, and engaging way of being—and his deeply rooted belief in the power of Curiosity to help us all live better lives together and with ourselves.

This 2023 book reflects the same wisdom and optimism—and includes helpful insights on when not to overuse or mis-use Curiosity. It’s full of interesting and compelling insights on how Curiosity can help me and anyone willing to embrace its possibilities more fully.

I will be going back through it to take notes so I can hold onto and practice many of the approaches he shares.

I’m so glad I read this book. Now I want to hold tight to and acts on the wisdom in its pages. I’m also enthusiastically telling my friends who are curious about the topic about it.

[Ugn Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book didn’t feel groundbreaking since I already aligned with the authors' perspective, but it reinforced some key ideas about curiosity:

- Curiosity fosters connection
- Curiosity should be a lifelong pursuit, not just for children.
- There are three types of curiosity: inward (self-reflection), outward (interest in others), and expansive (awe and the bigger picture).
- Deep curiosity — a genuine, thoughtful interest — is more meaningful than surface-level curiosity.
- Curiosity - cultivates grace and humility, qualities society could use more of.
- When facing disagreement, it’s better to be present rather than persuasive — engage without judgment.
- Curiosity can be contagious — modeling it inspires others.
- It requires repetition and practice.
- The authors introduce the DIVE framework: Detach, Intend, Value, Embrace — a guide to practicing deep curiosity.