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Hellhole
Hellhole [Jan 01, 1982] Hayes, Ralph
Paperback
First published January 1, 1982
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
July 16, 2019
This book has to be the best Western novel of all time. Forget about Riders of the Purple Sage, or Shane, or The Virginian, or Lonesome Dove. Nah, all those pale in comparison next to the magnificent glory of Hellhole.
Let's start by talking about body count, the number 1 criteria for determining the merits of a Western. Michael, Freddy and Jason would be jealous. A whopping 115 people go their just reward in this slender novel of 155 pages (I'm referring to the original 1973 version), most of them sent there by our "big man" hero O'Brien, the man with one name. That's an average of 1.3 grisly and dramatic deaths per page, assuming my BA-in-English math is right. That's impressive by anyone's standards.
The second-most important criteria for determining the merits of a Western is the shallowness of the characters. Hellhole beats them all (as does O'Brien with anyone who gets in his way, or looks at him funny, or asks if Coke is okay when he orders a Pepsi). The bad guys are thoroughly bad because they're bad guys and O'Brien is thoroughly good because he's the good guy. The bad guys engage in bad-guy activities like "grinning evilly" and "giving an evil laugh". The good guy does good-guy things like sticking up for the little people and stopping to give murdered folks a decent burial and beating the holy living hell out thieving mule skinners and sadistic prison wardens. He also does a lot of growling.
Finally, Hellhole exceeds another important criteria, in that every woman must be a buxom prostitute with a heart of gold or a long-suffering pioneer wife with a heart of gold. Instead, Hellhole goes one step farther and features virtually no female characters at all. The most prominent one exists only to die and she doesn't make it out of chapter 1 (see body count criteria above). The second-most prominent appears at the very end. She's a small-town girl who invites O'Brien to her home so her dad can dig the slug out of his shoulder left there by a very bad guy. Her motivation in doing this, presumably, is because O'Brien is just so damn sexy.
I think you'll agree with me that that Hellhole is indeed the greatest Western novel ever written by anyone at any time and that will never be surpassed by anyone at any future time. On this there can be no debate.
Let's start by talking about body count, the number 1 criteria for determining the merits of a Western. Michael, Freddy and Jason would be jealous. A whopping 115 people go their just reward in this slender novel of 155 pages (I'm referring to the original 1973 version), most of them sent there by our "big man" hero O'Brien, the man with one name. That's an average of 1.3 grisly and dramatic deaths per page, assuming my BA-in-English math is right. That's impressive by anyone's standards.
The second-most important criteria for determining the merits of a Western is the shallowness of the characters. Hellhole beats them all (as does O'Brien with anyone who gets in his way, or looks at him funny, or asks if Coke is okay when he orders a Pepsi). The bad guys are thoroughly bad because they're bad guys and O'Brien is thoroughly good because he's the good guy. The bad guys engage in bad-guy activities like "grinning evilly" and "giving an evil laugh". The good guy does good-guy things like sticking up for the little people and stopping to give murdered folks a decent burial and beating the holy living hell out thieving mule skinners and sadistic prison wardens. He also does a lot of growling.
Finally, Hellhole exceeds another important criteria, in that every woman must be a buxom prostitute with a heart of gold or a long-suffering pioneer wife with a heart of gold. Instead, Hellhole goes one step farther and features virtually no female characters at all. The most prominent one exists only to die and she doesn't make it out of chapter 1 (see body count criteria above). The second-most prominent appears at the very end. She's a small-town girl who invites O'Brien to her home so her dad can dig the slug out of his shoulder left there by a very bad guy. Her motivation in doing this, presumably, is because O'Brien is just so damn sexy.
I think you'll agree with me that that Hellhole is indeed the greatest Western novel ever written by anyone at any time and that will never be surpassed by anyone at any future time. On this there can be no debate.
September 30, 2022
Latimer more animal than human carried a gun but preferred to kill with his hands. Ayers a convicted evil, sadistic rapist piece of shit come across a lady bathing in a creek and sexually assault her. They decide to kill her relatives, one with a bullet through the heart, tearing out chunks of flesh and a crimson spray against the side of a wagon. The other will have his face roasted over a fire alive. Charred meat then discarded. O'Brien buffalo hunter will have a real bad day. He will be in the wrong place at the wrong time and be captured, thrown into a kangaroo court and sentence for the above brutal killings. Sent to Bradenville Prison, if a man could last one year here he could spend all eternity in Hell. The hunter will be whipped, put in a metal confined box with no food or water. It will become a furnace, lying in his own shit, he will start to lose his sanity. He will eat scorpions, lizards and rats to stay alive. The hunter will plan a prison breakout, steal dynamite, explode it, have a severed leg fly through the air and fall next to him. He will find the Latimer gang, have a shoot out, get revenge and find a pretty girl and think life is not too bad.
April 29, 2021
Ralph Hayes' Buffalo Hunter is hard to beat. This is my second one and both were fast paced, action packed stories. In this one O'Brien is accused of murders he didnt do and thrown into the toughest prison in the area. But the ol Buffalo Hunter doesnt stay down for long and he has a lot of pay back to dish out.
Highly recommended, doesnt get much better for just a pure fun violent western.
Highly recommended, doesnt get much better for just a pure fun violent western.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews