Perfect: Feeling Judged on Social Media

by Rosalind Gill

Social media is replete with images of 'perfection'. But many are unrealistic and contribute to a pervasive sense of never being good not thin enough; not pretty enough; not cool enough. Try too hard and you risk being condemned for being ‘attention-seeking’, don't try hard enough and you're slacking. Rosalind Gill challenges polarized perspectives that see young women as either passive victims of social media or as savvy digital natives. She argues the real picture is far more ambivalent. Getting likes and followers and feeling connected to friends feels fantastic, but posting material and worrying about 'haters' causes significant anxieties. Gill uses young women's own words to show how they feel watched all the time; worry about getting things wrong; and struggle to live up to an ideal of being 'perfect' yet at the same time ‘real’. It's the wake-up call we all need.

Genres: Audiobook

256 pages, Paperback

Published November 20, 2023

Reviews

[Rocío VC · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book reflects the reality that people face daily on social media. The surveillance society, the pressures of perfection, and socialization in the digital era are some of the main topics explored in this work. It also discusses new alternatives to social media, contrasting them with traditional platforms that focus on an idealized version of reality (e.g., Instagram).

Regarding the analysis, the book is descriptive and includes excerpts from interviews. It is easy to read and engaging, especially for those who are new to this topic.

In conclusion, it is a highly interesting book that examines the digital neoliberalism and gender pressures associated with social media.

[Meaghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

anything ros gill 🫶🏼

[Songlin He · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was a fairly easy read, and I finished it in just two days, largely because it is quite repetitive and the scope is narrow. The author seems to be only interested in young “cisgender" women and LGBT individuals who enjoy categorising themselves as minorities.

I do like the term “racially ambiguous” because it is very well put. I do agree that many celebrities deliberately present themselves this way, including the Kardashians and Ariana Grande, and we can all agree that this does not make Black people feel more represented or included.

Some of the comments, however, are difficult for me to relate to. For example, there are complaints about the lack of representation of people with disabilities or mental health issues. I don’t think it is fair to blame social media for this, when people with disabilities or mental health conditions are not as active on social media as the general population. I also think ADHD and similar disorders are often exaggerated today, and I would largely blame the media for normalising self-victimisation.

The book repeatedly emphasises hatred or discrimination against disabled people and frequently uses the term “disablism.” What exactly is the definition here, and where is the evidence?

While 16% of the interviewees were men, I couldn’t find any feedback or commentary from them—perhaps I missed it??

I also do not feel comfortable with the author’s agenda. While I acknowledge that complete neutrality is impossible, the bias here feels strong enough to influence the interviewees’ responses, particularly through the constant suggestion that sexism, disablism, and racial discrimination can be found everywhere. This encourages young people to readily victimise themselves, including happily labelling themselves with artificial or fashionable terms such as ADHD, OCD, SAD, and so on. When almost everyone can easily identify with anxiety or depression, I feel these terms are being overused and abused.

That said, I do agree that there is pressure to be constantly positive, happy, and sociable. While it is acceptable to casually mention that one is struggling or anxious, it remains taboo to actually show it. You can talk about it, but you are not allowed to display it.

It is hard to imagine how traumatising this must be for young people living with constant fear, competition, and a sense of being judged and surveilled. Even without social media, I already feel this pressure deeply in my daily life—thinking about how I should dress, how I should smile, and feeling self-conscious about my facial features. I cannot imagine how much worse this becomes once social media is added to the equation.

I also agree that social media is extremely toxic, and one would be arrogant to think they can engage with it without sacrificing some degree of mental health. From my own experience, the good news is that it is entirely possible to quit social media without becoming isolated! It may be difficult in your teens, but it becomes much easier as you approach your thirties—and you are not missing much by staying away.

[Kayla Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is current, intersectional, and speaks on the pervasive toxicity of social media culture. An important read for media studies, as it articulates many thoughts young women are privately having.

Surveillance, comparison, fear of being perceived, and the labor of producing social media content are just a few of the aspects I resonate with that were touched on in Perfect:Feeling Judged On Social Media.

I think the book could have also mentioned more on parasocial relationships within the social media world as well.

[Sasha Watson Hubbard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly so needed for my dissertation, this is definitely going to help me