PolterGary

by Lee Richmond

Gary died while on an ill-fated trip to the cinema one night in 1989. Having swiftly been appointed the role of a poltergeist, Gary now haunts an apartment in Greenwich Village, NYC. As lazy in death as he was in life, Gary hates his job and, more importantly, he hates being bothered by the living.
Things take a turn for the worse when a new family move in. At first, everything seems normal. The Freeborne's appear as ordinary as any other American family.
As time passes, Gary comes to realise there is something very wrong with the youngest child. A little girl by the name of Pandora.
Pandora isn’t like other girls her age. She harbours a dark and terrifying secret.
Gary is no longer the scariest thing in the building.

PolterGary is a new Comedy/Horror from Lee Richmond, author of 232 Jericho Avenue.

Genres: Horror

183 pages, Paperback

Published April 25, 2023

About the author

Lee Richmond was born in the swampy marshlands of East Anglia. Fed on a steady diet of fast, snotty punk rock and 80s slasher movies, it was only a matter of time before the sick, twisted imagery that festered in his head eventually found its way to the page.
Lee was influenced from a very early age by the films of John Carpenter, Dario Argento, Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, Stanley Kubrick, and Tobe Hooper and the books of Clive Barker, Stephen King and James Herbert.
Music also plays its part in influencing Lee’s writing. He loves bands like The Misfits, Ramones, Fugazi, Operation Ivy, Black Flag, Bad Religion, Sisters of Mercy, Alice Cooper and Iron Maiden and the works of such movie composers as Hans Zimmer and Christopher Young.
When Lee isn't writing, he loves playing his bass guitar, spending time with his wife, and cheering on his favourite Ice Hockey team, The New York Rangers.
Lee is a freelance proofreader and editor for hire.
Lee is the author of such titles as, 232 Jericho Avenue, PolterGary, Tits and Teeth, Beneath, A Meal for the Maggots and many more. You can contact him on Facebook, Instagram, or Goodreads.

Reviews

[Mort · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know, indie authors continually ask people to leave reviews for their work, and there is a very good reason – this is the only way a lot of people will discover some great stories by some really great authors. While it is also true for me as a new author, I am saying this as a reader and a fan, because it was a review that brought this book to my attention.

And what a great discovery this one turned out to be!

This is a horror comedy. I laughed my ass off throughout the story. And I have come across a character that was so brilliantly written, I had a mental picture throughout and had the movies in my head without the author ever referencing them.
Every single scene with Yoko in them had me in stitches!

Even more so, I have this weird way to connect movies and television in my brain, and it was as if I was sitting next to this author on a mental rollercoaster as the story progressed – he managed to hit all the right spots and I absolutely loved the ride!

Also – kudos to the author who also did the cover. Compare it to the POLTERGEIST poster of the '80s.

So, if you are a movie fan who just loves to make the connections in the written word, or if you are somebody who loves the comedy more than the horror part of the story, this one is for you. Entertainment wise, I can rate this one 10 stars.

Loved this!
Recommended to horror comedy fans, with the emphasis on the laughs.

5 STARS!!!!!

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a horror comedy that lives up to the description, it's hilarious, spooky, gory fun! With throwbacks to 80s movies, all the familiar ghost types and hauntings and a brilliantly funny storyline that had me howling constantly! I read it in one sitting, it was so entertaining and refreshing! 👻

Gary is dead! He's been dead for a long time, but he's not very good at it! He died on leaving the cinema and whilst distracted reliving the film he had just watched there. He gets assigned the apartment building he is to haunt for the rest of time, and given the role of Poltergeist! Which is great, sounds like it will be a lot of fun, but it also involves a lot of training! His mentor, Clive, despairs at his inability to pick up the role. Gary is a lazy ghost, he just cant be arsed! And then he gets some new housemates, a typical family consisting of Mum, Dad and two children. One of the children is a young girl by the name of Pandora! There's something strange about her, something creepy, weird, dark and unsettling! Has Gary met his match? Is she about to give him a run for his money, or his "life".. She seems to have an aura about her, an ability for telekinesis and telepathy, is she possessed or just plain crazy?!

When the two get to know each other a little better, that's when the fun really starts. Can Gary stop her from going through with her sadistic, evil plans? Or is he just going to annoy the hell out of her, like she is to him. And when Pandora gets angry, that's when things get truly nasty, very quickly! The ghosts get their heads together and come up with a brilliantly creepy, clever plan, but are they too late?!

A highly amusing and crazy fun story about a ghost who just wants to be left alone, and his hilarious escapades in trying to scare unwanted house guests away! Oh, and Yoko!! Yoko is a scream! And my favourite character!! 🖤

There are some hysterical scenes and one liners in this book, so much fun, I dare you not to laugh when reading! A smooth flowing, fast paced read with great likable characters and awesome humour throughout! I loved it!

[Ayralea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gary is as unfortunate in death as he is in life. After an accident takes his life, he finds himself assigned as a poltergeist and is trapped in an apartment to spend the afterlife causing the living strife.

He’s a bumbler at it, but starts to improve.

Then he meets a sweet little girl named Pandora. Did I say sweet? She’s actually a psychopath and it’s up to Gary to stop her.

Lee writes with a sharp wit, blending humor and horror together in equal measure. I found myself laughing out loud on several occasions.

The characters are written well, with Yoko the Japanese Onryo vengeful spirit being my favourite and Barnaby the headless horseman pulling up a close second.

[Dion Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would give this book 6 stars out of 5 if I could, and it's going into my favourites list.

This book is a perfect mix of witty humour and gory action. and one of the best horror comedy books I've read to date, up there with PUP by Damien Casey and Carnivorous Lunar Activities by Max Booth III, movie wise it's like Tucker & Dale vs. Evil and Idle Hands.

Before I finished reading this I added every one of his books to my to read pile, that is how much I liked it.

[Sue and her books · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still buzzing after a thrilling showing of Die Hard at the local movie, Gary Fantomo fails to notice the out-of-control NYC yellow cab heading his way. With Bruce Willis on his mind ( the Moonlighting dude, who'd thought it?, running around barefoot and taking down Hans Gruber and his goons (Yippee Ki-yay, motherf**kers!), Gary tragically loses his life on that rainy evening in 1989.

As soon as he enters the Afterlife, Gary is appointed the role of a Poltergeist and assigned to haunt an apartment in Greenwich Village for eternity. For years, he slack off on his ghostly duties, keeping his distance from the living. Things take a turn for the worse, as a new family moves in. Their youngest child, Pandora, has something truly unsettling about her. Gary is no longer the scariest thing in the building. And, so it begins... ('locate your ectoplasmic testicles and man up', Gary!)

I became an instant fan of Lee's after
reading his horror novella 'Tits and Teeth' - the hysterically funny massacre by shark of a group of drunk, randy tourists at a nudist resort.

PolterGary offers the same creative, hilarious and beautifully twisted writing style. It's a fantastic horror-comedy that combines bloody carnage and constant laugh-out-loud moments. It had me giggling and laughing continuously throughout the book, loving the characters, especially Gary and his quirky gang of spectral friends and their local hangout The Tomb.

If you have a brain like mine, that gets a kick out of pop culture and movie references, this book will be an absolute treat for you. I will definitely be looking for more of Lee Richmond's books, as they make me utterly happy!

[Allison Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I thought all the characters were great. The book had some nice humor in it. I don’t like horror but I actually enjoyed this book.

[Ziggy Nixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a monster in here, Mr Ghosty and that monster is me. It has nothing to do with demons and whatnot.

That was truly awesome! You know you've enjoyed a somewhat limited but still 'deep-ish' ghost story when your first thought is "Smeg! I wish that had lasted longer!" Which I guess kind of goes without saying (but I did anyway). But I will say that even with my voiced greediness out there for public perusal that Lee Richmond's "PolterGary" winds up reading a lot more… fully, is that the right word? … than its 140 pages or so of prose would otherwise testify to. Whatevs. It was fun, it got a bit gory and damn, this was a proper hommage to just a whole host of spooky films you may or may not have seen!

It’s a spiteful, angry presence, and I feel it wishes great harm to you.

Our story focuses in large part on poor Gary, who through every fault of his own (read that again, please), winds up getting smushed by a speeding, bright yellow taxi. Which was a real shame because like so many of us, he had just had a life-changing experience seeing "Die Hard" for the very first time. Then again, I guess death also counts as a life-changing experience but I digress… What he quickly finds out, much to his chagrin, is that the business of being dead is just that: a business. Which I thought was just absotively effing hilarious, as I finished just a few scant days ago Dave Turner's "How to be Dead" collection, which of course, focuses on the business of death, um, I mean, Death. Or if you prefer, you can even reference Frank Edler's quirky "Death Gets A Book" especially if you want to include any Tattered Black Robes™ in your discourse and also refuse to accept that there can only be one d/Death doing the job at any one time. For me, the jury is still out on that…

As Maria Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ filled his ears, Gary wished it was possible to be somehow deader.

But no, as we're led to believe, there are seven* key positions available to all who are selected for the business of the afterlife (*in actuality, there's … you know what? I'll let you find out for yourselves!). For our discussions, we have Gary and his best friend Jerry (convenient rhyming that) who are both poltergeists, which Gary was definitely happy about because he loved the movie. You can't see 'em of course (the poltergeists, not the movies), but their job is to provide general haunting and other moaningly (*snortle*) silly stuff to scare people out of their residences and/or minds. Or provide jobs for ghost-hunters that appear on just about every cable and streaming service in existence these days. Oh and the aforementioned residences do NOT have to be where said ghosts died. Who decides who goes where is kind of left floating incorporeally in the air (the Council maybe?) but that's besides the point.

The first thing you need to do is locate your ectoplasmic testicles and man the fuck up.

We also have the hilariously named Yoko (yep, she even gets a chance to "sing"!), who is The Vengeful Spirit - or Onryo as they were known in Japan - who has a somewhat odd crush on Gary (not Jerry). Yoko is portrayed unabashedly as essentially the spirit from "The Ring", including the weird crab walking and general contortionism. After all, her "whole modus operandi is misery, curses, and death." So a real keeper for sure! And its this gang that all gets together once a week at "The Tomb", not to drink, no, but to generally moan (aside from the professional moaning) and groan (ditto) about their jobs. Eventually karoake is also involved, but I think that word alone underlines some of the horror we see in later parts of the book. Let's just say if you don't like people going splat, kaboom and generally being turned inside out or used for arts and crafts time, well, run away!

What the fuck do I do now? How long before some hippy and a Great Dane show up in their stoner van?

Richmond handles all of this quite well, whilst managing to combine a more-than-viable story about ghosting with a dramatic twist of the latest family to move into Gary's assigned quarters. The Freeborne's make themselves at home, including Mom and Dad, son and daughter, and the barely still breathing Grammy, too. How things begin to morph for them over the next several chapters is worth the price of admission alone, especially once we realize cute little Pandora, mommy's extra special wee girl, is in fact, quote, "a devious little shit with psychic and telekinetic abilities." And Gary knows that while his job is to scare and cause mischief, he doesn't want to just sit there and witness the wee demon kill her whole family in increasingly nasty ways! Again, once the blood and guts starts flying, it's easy to see why essentially everyone involved begins siding with the dead folks!

I am going to show you things that’ll make you wish you were dead… deader, I mean.

So all-in-all a very well-structured and morbidly funny tale! Sure there were a few editing hiccups which may or may not have resulted from being hit in the head repeatedly with flying lamps. But at the end of the day this wee look into the lives of our various tenants and the non-lives of Gary and his pals is more than worth your time! And besides: with over 115 uses of some form of the word "fuck", be honest: who could ask for anything more? Me? I'm going to go look and see what else Richmond has out there to consume as this was a treat! I think I saw something earlier about titties, so count me in! Keep it spooky, y'all!

[Jim X Dodge · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I asked Lee Richmond which was his weirdest book he said 'Poltergary.' I'm not sure it's all that weird but it's definitely a unique take on the ideas of ghosts and spirits. See, Gary died and was given the role of poltergeist. The house he haunted saw tenants come and go, and the faster they went, the better Gary looked in the eyes of his superiors. When the Freebornes move in, everything changes, and Gary faces a challenge he never expected. I can't say much more without spoiling the story, but suffice to say the twist that drives the book kept me guessing, and I had to stay up until I finished it. This is the second book of his I've read (Tits and Teeth being the first) and it won't be the last. Jim X Dodge, author of The Bite and Erogenous Jones: Private Dicktective

[Valerie Cates]

This book is hilarious. It's what happens if a crabby old blue collar poltergeist who has had enough meets Damien from the Omen. Gary is resigned to his fate as a poltergeist who is stuck having to inhabit the same apartment. People move in, he haunts them, the leave. He just wants to be left alone. Lucky for him (or unlucky in his personal opinion) he has a friend who also inhabits the building to show him the poltergeist ropes. But when a family with an evil little girl moves in Gary has had enough and will fight to the teeth to get his apartment back and save the rest of the humans in the building from her evil wrath.

[Gary Vassallo · Rating 5 out of 5]

To be honest I picked this up because of the title and the premise sounded interesting. Boy am I glad I did. I devoured this. It hooked me from the start. It was horrific and hilarious! The first half of the book had a lot laughs and was fairly mild but then the horror kicked in and the story raced to a satisfying conclusion. I have picked up a few more of the author's books and look forward to reading them. Highly recommended!

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gary isn’t a ninja level poltergeist, but when Pandora enters the home he had to occupy, he is way out his depth. This kid is more than creepy!

His consultations with his fellow deceased are hilarious; the scenes visceral; the characters absolutely compelling.

I had to read this in one sitting,;no way I could stop. .

[Kirsty Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a fun book.
Gary is fantastic as are the rest of the frequenters of The Tomb! Funny with some outrageous horror thrown in as Gary meets his match when a new family moves into the apartment he has been allocated to haunt. A nod to Poltergeist both on the cover and throughout the story was a nice touch. I'd love to see more from Gary, Jerry and Yoko they are each brilliant in their own unique way. 5* all day long.

[Emily Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75

I laughed, I cried, and I had to read between my fingers. The perfect book for the spooky season. As someone who doesn’t read books with gore, I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed reading this book.

[Lauren Deschenes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't think I've had a book make me laugh so hard before. Gary really had his work cut out for himself here. If you're looking for a fun, quick read with a brutal climax, check it out!

[Stephanie Astbury · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brilliant concept but it definitely felt a bit rushed. Would work well a full length novel with more detail especially into Pandora and why she's, well, the way she is.

[Andee Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A dark yet hilarious homage to 80s horror movies is a must for all fans of the era.
Well written and fast-paced with larger than life (or dearth) characters. This put a permanent smile on my face.

[Stacy Cartledge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fun read from Lee Richmond 😆