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When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion
"Anderson strikes a smart, balanced tone. . . . An exemplary guide to an understudied issue."--Publishers Weekly
Religious trauma is something that happens far more often than most people realize. But religious trauma is trauma.
In When Religion Hurts You , Dr. Laura Anderson takes an honest look at a side of religion that few like to talk about. Drawing from her own life and therapy practice, she helps readers understand what religious trauma is and isn't, and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive, often resulting in trauma. She shows how elements of fundamentalist church life--such as fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders--can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
As she explores the growing phenomenon of religious trauma, Dr. Anderson helps readers embark on a journey of living as healing individuals and finding a new foundation to stand on. Recognizing that healing is a lifelong rather than a linear process, she offers markers of healing for those coming out of painful religious experiences and hope for finding wholeness after religious trauma.
Religious trauma is something that happens far more often than most people realize. But religious trauma is trauma.
In When Religion Hurts You , Dr. Laura Anderson takes an honest look at a side of religion that few like to talk about. Drawing from her own life and therapy practice, she helps readers understand what religious trauma is and isn't, and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive, often resulting in trauma. She shows how elements of fundamentalist church life--such as fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders--can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
As she explores the growing phenomenon of religious trauma, Dr. Anderson helps readers embark on a journey of living as healing individuals and finding a new foundation to stand on. Recognizing that healing is a lifelong rather than a linear process, she offers markers of healing for those coming out of painful religious experiences and hope for finding wholeness after religious trauma.
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 17, 2023
314 people are currently reading
6226 people want to read
About the author
Laura E. Anderson
3 books35 followersLaura E. Anderson (PhD, Saybrook University; LMFT) is a trauma-informed psychotherapist, founder of the Center for Trauma Resolution and Recovery, and cofounder of the Religious Trauma Institute. Her dissertation focused on healing after sexualized violence and trauma in connection with purity culture. Anderson has spoken on Christian and post-Christian podcasts and online platforms and has written for Religion News Service and The New Republic. She is actively engaged on Instagram and other social media platforms and lives in Nashville, Tennessee.
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June 29, 2023
Dr. Laura Anderson understands. She understands what it means to grow up in high-control religion, or what she often refers to as HCR. She understands what it means to have experiences within organized religion that can only be described as abusive. Dr. Anderson understands the impact of these experiences and the religious trauma can ripple in waves in both short-term and long-term waves.
It's Dr. Anderson's understanding that makes "When Religion Hurts You" a compelling read, however, it's Dr. Anderson's devotion to doing something with this understanding that ultimately makes "When Religion Hurts You" an excellent book. While I'm not particularly a fan of slogans, the idea of moving from "victim to victor" came to mind often as I read through the pages of "When Religion Hurts You," one of a growing catalogue of resources on the issue of religious trauma but one of the very few that I've read to beautifully weave together a tapestry of relatable storytelling and clinical expertise.
In fact, if you're expecting the usual sentimental, drippingly spiritual literary experience that one typically gets from books dealing with religious trauma, you might want to alter your expectations. While Dr. Anderson is undeniably encouraging and surprisingly open, "When Religion Hurts You" is far more devoted to a clinical exploration of religious trauma developed by someone who both experienced it and has dedicated a better part of her adult life helping others who've experienced it.
Once considered to be fairly rare, though those of us who've experienced it knew otherwise, religious trauma happens far more often than people realize.
Dr. Anderson takes an honest, reasoned look at religious trauma by exploring both her own life and her world now of therapy practice. In many ways, "When Religion Hurts You" offers an introduction into religious trauma as Dr. Anderson what religious trauma is and isn't and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive to the point of inflicting religious trauma.
Dr. Anderson looks particularly at elements of fundamentalist church life - fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders - and how these experiences can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
As a Christian with a disability myself who grew up Jehovah's Witness and then spent most of my adult years wading through a pool of similarly cult-like experiences, I was touched (and honestly a bit surprised) that Dr. Anderson includes the issue of disability in "When Religion Hurts You." Bravo.
For those further into the healing journey, aspects of "When Religion Hurts You" will feel familiar. I'd argue that the book still manages to serve as a nurturing companion for a deconstruction journey that can often feel lonely. However, "When Religion Hurts You" is really ideally suited for those embarking on the journey of living as healing individuals and trying to figure our "What's next?" Dr. Anderson expresses that vital truth that healing is lifelong and not linear. She helps develop markers of healing for the journey.
Mostly, "When Religion Hurts You" offers hope for healing from religious trauma and hope for those who either hope to find healthier communities of organized religion and those for whom such a relationship is irretrievable.
Incredibly well researched and yet warm and relatable, "When Religion Hurts You" is a vital resource for those seeking to unpack traumatic religious experiences, those healing from religious trauma, and those simply seeking to better understand the impact of high-control religion.
It's Dr. Anderson's understanding that makes "When Religion Hurts You" a compelling read, however, it's Dr. Anderson's devotion to doing something with this understanding that ultimately makes "When Religion Hurts You" an excellent book. While I'm not particularly a fan of slogans, the idea of moving from "victim to victor" came to mind often as I read through the pages of "When Religion Hurts You," one of a growing catalogue of resources on the issue of religious trauma but one of the very few that I've read to beautifully weave together a tapestry of relatable storytelling and clinical expertise.
In fact, if you're expecting the usual sentimental, drippingly spiritual literary experience that one typically gets from books dealing with religious trauma, you might want to alter your expectations. While Dr. Anderson is undeniably encouraging and surprisingly open, "When Religion Hurts You" is far more devoted to a clinical exploration of religious trauma developed by someone who both experienced it and has dedicated a better part of her adult life helping others who've experienced it.
Once considered to be fairly rare, though those of us who've experienced it knew otherwise, religious trauma happens far more often than people realize.
Dr. Anderson takes an honest, reasoned look at religious trauma by exploring both her own life and her world now of therapy practice. In many ways, "When Religion Hurts You" offers an introduction into religious trauma as Dr. Anderson what religious trauma is and isn't and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive to the point of inflicting religious trauma.
Dr. Anderson looks particularly at elements of fundamentalist church life - fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders - and how these experiences can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
As a Christian with a disability myself who grew up Jehovah's Witness and then spent most of my adult years wading through a pool of similarly cult-like experiences, I was touched (and honestly a bit surprised) that Dr. Anderson includes the issue of disability in "When Religion Hurts You." Bravo.
For those further into the healing journey, aspects of "When Religion Hurts You" will feel familiar. I'd argue that the book still manages to serve as a nurturing companion for a deconstruction journey that can often feel lonely. However, "When Religion Hurts You" is really ideally suited for those embarking on the journey of living as healing individuals and trying to figure our "What's next?" Dr. Anderson expresses that vital truth that healing is lifelong and not linear. She helps develop markers of healing for the journey.
Mostly, "When Religion Hurts You" offers hope for healing from religious trauma and hope for those who either hope to find healthier communities of organized religion and those for whom such a relationship is irretrievable.
Incredibly well researched and yet warm and relatable, "When Religion Hurts You" is a vital resource for those seeking to unpack traumatic religious experiences, those healing from religious trauma, and those simply seeking to better understand the impact of high-control religion.
May 27, 2023
When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion is an absolutely fantastic book and the first of its kind that I've had the pleasure of reading. Laura Anderson is so knowledgeable and experienced on the topic of religious trauma, and her writing is both accessible and deeply informative. She uses her own experience as a roadmap of sorts, and highlights all the ways adverse religious experiences have impacted her and what she's learned along the way.
Something I truly appreciate about this book is Anderson's unbiased tone throughout her writing; she approaches the subject of religious trauma with compassion and leads the reader toward a deeper understanding of their pain without trashing the idea of religion or using religion as the answer to our problems. Her clinical experience and her in-depth knowledge of complex trauma and high-control religion makes her uniquely qualified to share these insights with us. Something else I appreciate is Anderson's decision to not make this a step-by-step instruction guide for healing. Everyone's journey is different and is informed by their own personal experiences.
This book is truly a gem and I can't wait to recommend it to everyone!
*I received a digital ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Something I truly appreciate about this book is Anderson's unbiased tone throughout her writing; she approaches the subject of religious trauma with compassion and leads the reader toward a deeper understanding of their pain without trashing the idea of religion or using religion as the answer to our problems. Her clinical experience and her in-depth knowledge of complex trauma and high-control religion makes her uniquely qualified to share these insights with us. Something else I appreciate is Anderson's decision to not make this a step-by-step instruction guide for healing. Everyone's journey is different and is informed by their own personal experiences.
This book is truly a gem and I can't wait to recommend it to everyone!
*I received a digital ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
November 3, 2023
When Religion Hurts You is the most comprehensive and accessible book on healing religious trauma on the market. The author combines her expertise as a licensed therapist, trauma coach, and co-founder of the Religious Trauma Institute, with her personal experience living with complex trauma from her own religious experiences.
Dr. Laura Anderson is one of the foremost experts on religious trauma. As a therapist and coach myself, she is my go-to voice for learning about the mind-body connection when it comes to spiritual abuse. She coined the term adverse religious experiences and defines what a high-control religion is. According to Dr. Laura, religious trauma is trauma; trauma is subjective; and trauma cannot be healed by just changing our minds because the effects of trauma are stored in the body. These concepts have been revolutionary in my conceptualization and treatment of trauma.
The book is not a step-by-step guide to healing, but covers “healing themes” that someone with religious trauma may address. Dr. Laura discusses topics like rebuilding your identity, your relationship with your body, boundaries, grief, emotions, sexuality, healthy relationships, and the nervous system. As Dr. Laura says, we are never “healed” from trauma, we are living in a healing body. I appreciate this emphasis on healing as a lifelong journey in which we “integrate the living legacy of trauma” into our stories.
The chapter on reclaiming sexuality and pleasure spoke to my area of expertise in purity culture recovery. Dr. Laura’s advice on how to prioritize embodiment and experience pleasure in safe ways is in line with my approach. I appreciate how Dr. Laura encourages developing a sexual ethic that avoids the pendulum swing from purity culture to its opposite. Instead, she advocates for a sexual ethic that reflects an individual’s “unique personhood, character, and values”.
As Dr. Laura no longer identifies as religious, some readers may be uncomfortable with her description of high control religion. For example, the doctrines of original sin, heaven and hell, and the practice of tithing are all labeled as types of abuse (or adverse religious experiences). Some readers who still identify as Christians will be left to wonder how and when these beliefs and practices are abusive—and when there are just differences in theology.
I appreciate that Dr. Laura states, “Neither religion nor its practices and beliefs are inherently traumatic; rather, the effect of an experience, belief, or practice on an individual is specific to that person.” Because trauma is subjective, what is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another. “Practically, this means that trauma is in the eye of the beholder." This leaves lingering questions about how to resolve differences in beliefs and their effects on individuals.
In Dr. Laura, I have found a trustworthy, compassionate teacher who has expanded my knowledge and understanding of trauma, the body, and healing. I am grateful that I can recommend this book to almost any of my clients or audience, for I believe we can all learn from Dr. Laura’s wisdom and hard-fought experience.
Dr. Laura Anderson is one of the foremost experts on religious trauma. As a therapist and coach myself, she is my go-to voice for learning about the mind-body connection when it comes to spiritual abuse. She coined the term adverse religious experiences and defines what a high-control religion is. According to Dr. Laura, religious trauma is trauma; trauma is subjective; and trauma cannot be healed by just changing our minds because the effects of trauma are stored in the body. These concepts have been revolutionary in my conceptualization and treatment of trauma.
The book is not a step-by-step guide to healing, but covers “healing themes” that someone with religious trauma may address. Dr. Laura discusses topics like rebuilding your identity, your relationship with your body, boundaries, grief, emotions, sexuality, healthy relationships, and the nervous system. As Dr. Laura says, we are never “healed” from trauma, we are living in a healing body. I appreciate this emphasis on healing as a lifelong journey in which we “integrate the living legacy of trauma” into our stories.
The chapter on reclaiming sexuality and pleasure spoke to my area of expertise in purity culture recovery. Dr. Laura’s advice on how to prioritize embodiment and experience pleasure in safe ways is in line with my approach. I appreciate how Dr. Laura encourages developing a sexual ethic that avoids the pendulum swing from purity culture to its opposite. Instead, she advocates for a sexual ethic that reflects an individual’s “unique personhood, character, and values”.
As Dr. Laura no longer identifies as religious, some readers may be uncomfortable with her description of high control religion. For example, the doctrines of original sin, heaven and hell, and the practice of tithing are all labeled as types of abuse (or adverse religious experiences). Some readers who still identify as Christians will be left to wonder how and when these beliefs and practices are abusive—and when there are just differences in theology.
I appreciate that Dr. Laura states, “Neither religion nor its practices and beliefs are inherently traumatic; rather, the effect of an experience, belief, or practice on an individual is specific to that person.” Because trauma is subjective, what is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another. “Practically, this means that trauma is in the eye of the beholder." This leaves lingering questions about how to resolve differences in beliefs and their effects on individuals.
In Dr. Laura, I have found a trustworthy, compassionate teacher who has expanded my knowledge and understanding of trauma, the body, and healing. I am grateful that I can recommend this book to almost any of my clients or audience, for I believe we can all learn from Dr. Laura’s wisdom and hard-fought experience.
December 18, 2025
A fantastic, well-rounded resource for anyone wanting to dive into an analysis of religious trauma, it is deeper than surface-level, but not filled with academic technicality or clinical density. The resource is grounded and accessible.
I appreciated the scientific and rooted perspective that Anderson brought to the work as a clinician and Ph.D. This reference point of objectivity interfaced well with her own subjective and real personal experiences. She brought those two things together very well. The book was not an emotional takedown of high control religion, it was an analytical critique grounded in research and story.
The book was intended to be a helpful guide in actual healing; Anderson laments how few resources there were to actually help people rebuild their lives. Throughout the book she will make the point that this is a challenge because the healing journey is not linear and also not universal. Each person’s journey is unique to them. However, she does provide many helpful tools that might form a healing toolbox for those seeking to heal from traumatic religious experiences.
I appreciated the scientific and rooted perspective that Anderson brought to the work as a clinician and Ph.D. This reference point of objectivity interfaced well with her own subjective and real personal experiences. She brought those two things together very well. The book was not an emotional takedown of high control religion, it was an analytical critique grounded in research and story.
The book was intended to be a helpful guide in actual healing; Anderson laments how few resources there were to actually help people rebuild their lives. Throughout the book she will make the point that this is a challenge because the healing journey is not linear and also not universal. Each person’s journey is unique to them. However, she does provide many helpful tools that might form a healing toolbox for those seeking to heal from traumatic religious experiences.
December 23, 2023
This really wasn't for me. I had the idea that this would be a general discussion of religious trauma and how it impacts people and communities. I did not expect the majority of the book to focus on promoting one therapeutic modality. A more accurate title would have been "how the author used somatic therapy to heal from religious trauma, and how the reader can also use the same methods to cure their trauma." While the book warns those who have left fundamentalism to avoid other forms of extremism, it seems to present somatic therapy as a religion that can't be questioned. In my opinion, some of the assumptions of this brand of therapy, such as seeing happiness and peace as a reward for thinking the right thoughts, even if it means ignoring reality, resemble those of fundamentalism. In such a setting, "compassion" and "insight" can actually be veiled contempt and invalidation.
For those who have experienced moral injury due to the real world consequences of fundamentalism, this book may be unhelpful in that it minimizes anything other than individual feelings and sensations. Real world dangers and risks are dismissed due to the assumption that listening to your body will always keep you safe, and that people and the world are inherently trustworthy as long as the individual approaches them with the correct beliefs and values. Having said that, many people seem to be finding this book helpful, so maybe I'm just not the intended audience.
For those who have experienced moral injury due to the real world consequences of fundamentalism, this book may be unhelpful in that it minimizes anything other than individual feelings and sensations. Real world dangers and risks are dismissed due to the assumption that listening to your body will always keep you safe, and that people and the world are inherently trustworthy as long as the individual approaches them with the correct beliefs and values. Having said that, many people seem to be finding this book helpful, so maybe I'm just not the intended audience.
July 24, 2023
When I was younger, I thought of the word "trauma" as a purely physical term. It's what can happen after a bad car accident, or a reason someone might go to the ER. Then I started seeing it used a lot more in an emotional/psychological sense. And lately, it's come with other modifiers attached, such as, in this case, "religious trauma." It seemed like a very dramatic term, and I wasn't sure how exactly it was applied and how someone determined whether they were suffering from it.
In that sense, this book was helpful. Anderson is a therapist and a survivor of what she refers to as a "High-Control Religion" or HCR, and while she references specific flavors of Christianity in her own story and others', she primarily speaks of HCRs in a general sense -- it seems fairly subjective as to whether a particular church or group could be considered an HCR, because personal experience is the key. And she explains this is also the case for trauma -- two people can experience similar things and one can be traumatized by it and the other won't be. So trauma is really about what the experience is for the person who's dealing with it.
With that in mind, she provides a general discussion of how the nervous system works and why our bodies can "remember" trauma even if we've tried to eradicate it from our thoughts and environments. She also discusses examples of religious trauma and its effects, such as purity culture, hierarchical relationships, anxieties about hell/punishment, etc., and gives some advice for taking baby steps to heal. I like how she emphasizes a big-picture view of healing -- that it's not about arriving at some pre-determined point, but about making progress and using the tools you've developed to help manage things like triggers and flare-ups.
She doesn't offer a one-size-fits-all prescription for how to get to a point of being healed (which is good, and in line with how she also warns that it can be easy to jump from one form of fundamentalism to another), and also is not out to try and demonize religion, recognizing that faith is important for many people and can still be a part of the healing process (though this is not written from a Christian perspective). But there are some helpful tips and observations here that are worth thinking about. Emotions, relationships, sexuality, and embodiment are areas that may be affected by life in an HCR, and while some people of faith may not agree with everything here, the topics can bring up good questions to ask ourselves. I especially appreciate the emphasis on curiosity, particularly when trying to get out of fundamentalist, black-and-white thinking.
(Thanks to NetGalley for the review copy.)
In that sense, this book was helpful. Anderson is a therapist and a survivor of what she refers to as a "High-Control Religion" or HCR, and while she references specific flavors of Christianity in her own story and others', she primarily speaks of HCRs in a general sense -- it seems fairly subjective as to whether a particular church or group could be considered an HCR, because personal experience is the key. And she explains this is also the case for trauma -- two people can experience similar things and one can be traumatized by it and the other won't be. So trauma is really about what the experience is for the person who's dealing with it.
With that in mind, she provides a general discussion of how the nervous system works and why our bodies can "remember" trauma even if we've tried to eradicate it from our thoughts and environments. She also discusses examples of religious trauma and its effects, such as purity culture, hierarchical relationships, anxieties about hell/punishment, etc., and gives some advice for taking baby steps to heal. I like how she emphasizes a big-picture view of healing -- that it's not about arriving at some pre-determined point, but about making progress and using the tools you've developed to help manage things like triggers and flare-ups.
She doesn't offer a one-size-fits-all prescription for how to get to a point of being healed (which is good, and in line with how she also warns that it can be easy to jump from one form of fundamentalism to another), and also is not out to try and demonize religion, recognizing that faith is important for many people and can still be a part of the healing process (though this is not written from a Christian perspective). But there are some helpful tips and observations here that are worth thinking about. Emotions, relationships, sexuality, and embodiment are areas that may be affected by life in an HCR, and while some people of faith may not agree with everything here, the topics can bring up good questions to ask ourselves. I especially appreciate the emphasis on curiosity, particularly when trying to get out of fundamentalist, black-and-white thinking.
(Thanks to NetGalley for the review copy.)
November 9, 2023
Highly recommend this book to any of my friends who have left or are still in a more fundamentalist type of church. I'm confident that I will continually reference ideas in this book for some time to come. Very quick read.
Tried to craft a review with the big highlights of the book or things that stood out to me, but I'd rather do that in person and just highly recommend reading this here instead.
Tried to craft a review with the big highlights of the book or things that stood out to me, but I'd rather do that in person and just highly recommend reading this here instead.
September 21, 2024
This book was informative, in some places almost overwhelmingly so. One thing I found particularly interesting is the fact that people in high-control religions feel safe when they are right--it explains why I (and other people I know) feel threatened when challenged. This is something I can recognize and work on now, moving forward with the understanding that I don't need to be right in order to be safe and with the humility to acknowledge when I'm wrong.
However, after saying that she isn't against religion, the author proceeds to continually mention leaving religion as part of her healing process and to encourage actions that go against Christian teaching for those recovering from high-control religions. High-control religion is problematic, but the solution isn't to throw it all out the window!
Overall I think I might read it again; but I don't know if I want to put it in my personal library.
However, after saying that she isn't against religion, the author proceeds to continually mention leaving religion as part of her healing process and to encourage actions that go against Christian teaching for those recovering from high-control religions. High-control religion is problematic, but the solution isn't to throw it all out the window!
Overall I think I might read it again; but I don't know if I want to put it in my personal library.
April 13, 2025
I appreciate that the concept of “high control religion“ is a spectrum and how she provides a variety of examples of adverse religious experiences. She gives a good overview of how to conceptualize religious trauma. I would love to dive deeper into how people can continue to be a part of a religion after engaging the healing process, as being anti-religion is not her identified antidote.
November 17, 2023
I highly recommend this book for anyone who has experienced or knows someone who has experienced religious trauma of any kind. It’s by no means exhaustive but is definitely an essential primer on the topic. Dr. Anderson is at her best when exploring how high control religion affects the nervous system and giving methods for coping. It’s not perfect, certain conservative ideas get jabbed at but not explained. Thankfully, I didn’t find this to be excessive enough to detract from the overall impact of the book. A big thanks to Dr. Anderson for making us feel seen and heard!
April 8, 2025
This book articulated so many of the struggles I had with religion. I honestly think I’ll start recommending it to anyone who may ask about my own journey with religion. It was informative, clear, and an easy listen. I loved the difference she emphasized that trauma comes from our own reactions to situations, not situations themselves. I think of the quote “the same water that softens the potato hardens the egg.” It helps me hold space for how those I love can be involved in the organization that has caused me pain. We are all different! And all of our experiences matter.
February 18, 2024
I really, really needed this book. Anderson helped me identify the ways in which CPSD functions in my life, specifically in relation to adverse religious experiences that filled my childhood/youth/early adulthood. Her book has given me a vocabulary through which to understand myself a bit better, to feel less alone, to carve out a path toward healing and a healthier approach to what a spiritual life looks like for me now. I couldn’t be more grateful for her work.
September 30, 2024
This book made me feel seen. 😭
January 22, 2025
I think anyone who grew up in church should read this…even if you haven’t deconstructed or think you have any lasting effects from it. Very very good book
July 6, 2025
Super validating of my personal experience leaving a high control religion.
November 6, 2023
I enjoyed this book quite a bit. It feels like a book I can actually recommend to clients with religious trauma as it explains definitions and actionable steps to heal without bashing religion or stating Atheism as the ultimate goal. You can have religious trauma and still want to take part in organized religion, just as much as you can have it and want to permanently leave any form of religion. This book is well balanced with research and personal anecdotes from the author who herself left a high control religion.
January 6, 2025
Entering my self-help book era
May 22, 2024
Growing up in a religious environment messed with my inner voice and how I see myself, especially when you add the whole queer element to it. When Religion Hurts You provides a space for those of us who have been hurt in spiritual spaces — specifically the American Christian church — and provides a path to healing, helping us reclaim our true selves and hear our own inner voices.
In the chapter about having religious parents, it unearthed something in me. The concept of the natural feeling of safety around one's parents versus the fear instilled by the church and the hypocrisy that comes with it...this chapter struck a cord so deep that I texted my little sister, who is on a deconstruction journey of her own and told her to read it.
While I do wish When Religion Hurts You had gone deeper into some aspects, such as the painful process of deconstruction itself, I liked how Dr. Anderson consistently targeted church leadership and how they say that people leave the church in order to sin or fall in the ways of the world. That was always my biggest concern when I first considered leaving the church behind, but never truly realized that it is a big part of how they keep people penned in.
As an introductory book to the concept of religious trauma, I think this is a great way to begin to unpack a layer of religious trauma that is not talked about, particularly how the body (particularly the nervous system) remembers the harm it experienced. Fortunately, I did not ever experience the worst horror of church abuse firsthand. Still, there was some emotional and spiritual abuse that occurred, especially when I enrolled in a Christian liberal arts university for my undergraduate studies.
Not to mention later learning that a person I had known, served with, trusted, and looked up to as a teenager ended up being predatory. That is something I still struggle to process and it adds another layer to my own healing journey.
Dr. Anderson, thank you for this book. I think it gave me the final push I needed to schedule an appointment with a therapist experienced in the treatment of those with religious trauma.
In the chapter about having religious parents, it unearthed something in me. The concept of the natural feeling of safety around one's parents versus the fear instilled by the church and the hypocrisy that comes with it...this chapter struck a cord so deep that I texted my little sister, who is on a deconstruction journey of her own and told her to read it.
While I do wish When Religion Hurts You had gone deeper into some aspects, such as the painful process of deconstruction itself, I liked how Dr. Anderson consistently targeted church leadership and how they say that people leave the church in order to sin or fall in the ways of the world. That was always my biggest concern when I first considered leaving the church behind, but never truly realized that it is a big part of how they keep people penned in.
As an introductory book to the concept of religious trauma, I think this is a great way to begin to unpack a layer of religious trauma that is not talked about, particularly how the body (particularly the nervous system) remembers the harm it experienced. Fortunately, I did not ever experience the worst horror of church abuse firsthand. Still, there was some emotional and spiritual abuse that occurred, especially when I enrolled in a Christian liberal arts university for my undergraduate studies.
Not to mention later learning that a person I had known, served with, trusted, and looked up to as a teenager ended up being predatory. That is something I still struggle to process and it adds another layer to my own healing journey.
Dr. Anderson, thank you for this book. I think it gave me the final push I needed to schedule an appointment with a therapist experienced in the treatment of those with religious trauma.
December 15, 2023
Rating: 5 stars out of 5
Original review can be found here.
I finished reading a library copy of When Religion Hurts You by Dr. Laura Anderson on a Sunday morning and by Sunday afternoon, I had already picked up a physical copy from a local bookstore for my personal library. It is one of the best books I have read this year. I highly recommend it for anyone who has spent time in a high control or spiritually abusive religious environment.
This book was so validating and encouraging. I could relate to a lot of what the author described when she was discussing her own experiences and those of her clients, and I have already talked to my therapist about some of the things I want to explore more as a result of this book. As I read it, I would often turn to my husband and read portions to him, amazed at how some of the things she presented were written word-for-word the way I have described my own experiences in recent months and years.
Dr. Laura presents an abundance of helpful information throughout the book, as well as strategies the reader can implement to aid their own healing process and find safety within their own body again. Some of the things she covers in the book include:
- what spiritual abuse and religious trauma can look like,
- how they can manifest in the body and impact people long after they have left the harmful environment,
- how the nervous system works,
- how purity culture and hierarchical systems play into abusive environments,
- how patriarchy is so frequently “the foundation of oppression,” and
- rebuilding identity after leaving such environments and / or deconstructing.
She also made some really interesting connections between nervous system dysregulation and fundamentalism, which I found both fascinating and enlightening.
Overall, I found it to be a very healing read and have already recommended it to several people. You can read a story about an interesting experience I navigated whilst purchasing this book here if you are so inclined.
Original review can be found here.
I finished reading a library copy of When Religion Hurts You by Dr. Laura Anderson on a Sunday morning and by Sunday afternoon, I had already picked up a physical copy from a local bookstore for my personal library. It is one of the best books I have read this year. I highly recommend it for anyone who has spent time in a high control or spiritually abusive religious environment.
This book was so validating and encouraging. I could relate to a lot of what the author described when she was discussing her own experiences and those of her clients, and I have already talked to my therapist about some of the things I want to explore more as a result of this book. As I read it, I would often turn to my husband and read portions to him, amazed at how some of the things she presented were written word-for-word the way I have described my own experiences in recent months and years.
Dr. Laura presents an abundance of helpful information throughout the book, as well as strategies the reader can implement to aid their own healing process and find safety within their own body again. Some of the things she covers in the book include:
- what spiritual abuse and religious trauma can look like,
- how they can manifest in the body and impact people long after they have left the harmful environment,
- how the nervous system works,
- how purity culture and hierarchical systems play into abusive environments,
- how patriarchy is so frequently “the foundation of oppression,” and
- rebuilding identity after leaving such environments and / or deconstructing.
She also made some really interesting connections between nervous system dysregulation and fundamentalism, which I found both fascinating and enlightening.
Overall, I found it to be a very healing read and have already recommended it to several people. You can read a story about an interesting experience I navigated whilst purchasing this book here if you are so inclined.
September 15, 2023
Thank you to Net Galley for an ARC of this book. I have both personal experience growing up in an HCG (high control group) and have also seen a lot of religious trauma as a therapist. Until now, there has been little written on the topic (A fair amount on deconstruction but not as much on actual religious abuse & trauma). Anderson details some themes in healing this specific kind of trauma. This book is going to be a crucial tool for many people, including many therapists, who up until now have only known how to advise turning from religion rather than actually healing the trauma & engaging in a new way.
July 9, 2023
I received an ARC copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Personally, I am grateful that this book exists. The subject is close to my heart, as a former evangelical who did end up in therapy as a result of some things I was taught. I love that the title is when "religion" hurts you, not when "the church" hurts you, because one of the things we always hear from Christians is "you shouldn't leave just because the people in the church were imperfect; it's about following God, not the church." Well, it wasn't the people in the church who hurt me--it was the book, and the beliefs, and the lack of action taken by God.
I appreciated getting to hear Dr. Anderson's story. Religious abuse doesn't have to be sexual to be harmful, and the stories of sexual abuse just play into the "flawed people" excuse. Dr. Anderson's story gets more to the point of the belief system itself being harmful, because it creates this hierarchy of people in authority and there is only ever one "right" answer to things.
Some of the advice was helpful to me. It was good for me to hear that it's normal to panic when attempting meditation/mindfulness exercises; I'm the only person I know who gets MORE anxious when attempting to ground myself. (It probably feels too similar to altar calls, for me). I loved the chapter on grieving what you lost when you left the church; the loss of community and music was big for me, and I definitely grieve my adolescence (I would've been so much happier without purity culture).
The attachment theory stuff gets to me as well. I've always considered my parents to be pretty good parents, but I did have this fear of disappointing them, and there was the expectation that I remain Christian and marry a Christian above all else. They've been mostly cool about my deconversion, but the "only one right answer" thing did have an effect on me growing up.
Overall, not a bad book, and definitely has some helpful insights. I think I would've preferred a more stream-lined step-by-step outline OR a memoir, not this in-between thing, but that's a personal choice. My main complaint, however, was that I noticed some pseudo-science and "woo" creeping in. I hate when people refer to their bodies as a person; it just makes me cringe. I also hate the enneagram and don't like it being equated with real science/psychology. I looked up the author and found that she lists her star sign on her website (which annoys me almost as much as covid-denial).
Considering this is a book for people who are trying to escape magical thinking and live in reality, the trendy pop-psych angle really bothered me, and I think other atheist readers will be bothered by it, as well. Those who just left Christianity but remain spiritual in some sense will probably love it, but it's not for me.
Personally, I am grateful that this book exists. The subject is close to my heart, as a former evangelical who did end up in therapy as a result of some things I was taught. I love that the title is when "religion" hurts you, not when "the church" hurts you, because one of the things we always hear from Christians is "you shouldn't leave just because the people in the church were imperfect; it's about following God, not the church." Well, it wasn't the people in the church who hurt me--it was the book, and the beliefs, and the lack of action taken by God.
I appreciated getting to hear Dr. Anderson's story. Religious abuse doesn't have to be sexual to be harmful, and the stories of sexual abuse just play into the "flawed people" excuse. Dr. Anderson's story gets more to the point of the belief system itself being harmful, because it creates this hierarchy of people in authority and there is only ever one "right" answer to things.
Some of the advice was helpful to me. It was good for me to hear that it's normal to panic when attempting meditation/mindfulness exercises; I'm the only person I know who gets MORE anxious when attempting to ground myself. (It probably feels too similar to altar calls, for me). I loved the chapter on grieving what you lost when you left the church; the loss of community and music was big for me, and I definitely grieve my adolescence (I would've been so much happier without purity culture).
The attachment theory stuff gets to me as well. I've always considered my parents to be pretty good parents, but I did have this fear of disappointing them, and there was the expectation that I remain Christian and marry a Christian above all else. They've been mostly cool about my deconversion, but the "only one right answer" thing did have an effect on me growing up.
Overall, not a bad book, and definitely has some helpful insights. I think I would've preferred a more stream-lined step-by-step outline OR a memoir, not this in-between thing, but that's a personal choice. My main complaint, however, was that I noticed some pseudo-science and "woo" creeping in. I hate when people refer to their bodies as a person; it just makes me cringe. I also hate the enneagram and don't like it being equated with real science/psychology. I looked up the author and found that she lists her star sign on her website (which annoys me almost as much as covid-denial).
Considering this is a book for people who are trying to escape magical thinking and live in reality, the trendy pop-psych angle really bothered me, and I think other atheist readers will be bothered by it, as well. Those who just left Christianity but remain spiritual in some sense will probably love it, but it's not for me.
January 15, 2025
I read this book last year & knew I needed to revisit it at another time when I had done some inner healing on a lot of different areas in my life- felt like now was a good time and I’m really glad I did 🥲🥲 the easiest thing to do when it comes to trauma is completely detach and I have for the past 5 years. but this book answered a lot of my questions / feelings I have while also making me feel liberated enough to have conversations as well as being around / practicing with boundaries!!! Overall feeling gooooooood!
Notes that probs don’t make any sense but keeping for myself:
“I don’t think I had to go through the pain I went through to learn a lesson and to know what I know today. But I cannot deny that the painful experiences turned me into who I am today. Multiple things can be true at the same time.”
***Religious scrupulosity *** look into this girl
“I wanted a husband too much, and was told God wouldn’t give me a husband until I was satisfied in him.”
A marker of healing from religious trauma is not just unlearning and relearning a worldview it is also the openness to shifting and changing over the course of one’s life.
Growing up in the church can put you in a mindset that you are sinful and unworthy. Feeling guilty means that you are faithful
Our brains cannot unlearn beliefs and concepts but we can be intentional about creating new neuropathways
Things such as structure and routines can become triggering bc of how it was used in HCRs
- Unable to do basic tasks and chores and care for needs
Notes that probs don’t make any sense but keeping for myself:
“I don’t think I had to go through the pain I went through to learn a lesson and to know what I know today. But I cannot deny that the painful experiences turned me into who I am today. Multiple things can be true at the same time.”
***Religious scrupulosity *** look into this girl
“I wanted a husband too much, and was told God wouldn’t give me a husband until I was satisfied in him.”
A marker of healing from religious trauma is not just unlearning and relearning a worldview it is also the openness to shifting and changing over the course of one’s life.
Growing up in the church can put you in a mindset that you are sinful and unworthy. Feeling guilty means that you are faithful
Our brains cannot unlearn beliefs and concepts but we can be intentional about creating new neuropathways
Things such as structure and routines can become triggering bc of how it was used in HCRs
- Unable to do basic tasks and chores and care for needs
October 20, 2023
I have followed Dr. Laura Anderson on social media for awhile and her material has given me language to understand exactly what I encountered in the religious environment I left. In this book she provides foundational information about things like trauma and the nervous system and unique insight into how those things are impacted by high control religion. She also offers gentle guidance for moving forward in healing. I’m so grateful for this resource to be out in the world, and for the empathy and insight she offers. It really helps to hear all of this from someone who gets it!
November 8, 2023
I don’t know if I’m in the mental state to give this book the review it deserves. I have wept many times reading this on the train and during my lunch break at work.
I can’t begin to explain how healing it has been to read my experiences explained and affirmed. I wish I’d had this book years ago. I hope my family reads it. I hope it helps so many people put words to their experiences. I hope it helps more therapists to understand the depth of religious trauma.
I can’t begin to explain how healing it has been to read my experiences explained and affirmed. I wish I’d had this book years ago. I hope my family reads it. I hope it helps so many people put words to their experiences. I hope it helps more therapists to understand the depth of religious trauma.
April 21, 2025
This book is so good, so affirming of what I went through and so healing. I’m 100% recommending this and also re-reading it
August 9, 2025
4.5*
Thank you Net Galley for the opportunity to read this book and provide feedback.
This book focuses on religions that are highly controlling and the damage they can cause to those who subscribe to them. The author is a psychologist who came from a HCR and experienced abuse and manipulation within it. She doesn't focus on just one religion, but covers aspects in common of many. She uses her own healing journey as an example of both the damages and healing that can take place in HCR. She also provides actionable advice for those separating from and healing from religious trauma.
Coming from a HCR myself, this book resonated with me and was both fascinating and validating. It made a lot of sense!
I would definitely recommend, especially if you're healing from HCR trauma.
Thank you Net Galley for the opportunity to read this book and provide feedback.
This book focuses on religions that are highly controlling and the damage they can cause to those who subscribe to them. The author is a psychologist who came from a HCR and experienced abuse and manipulation within it. She doesn't focus on just one religion, but covers aspects in common of many. She uses her own healing journey as an example of both the damages and healing that can take place in HCR. She also provides actionable advice for those separating from and healing from religious trauma.
Coming from a HCR myself, this book resonated with me and was both fascinating and validating. It made a lot of sense!
I would definitely recommend, especially if you're healing from HCR trauma.
February 7, 2024
In "When Religion Hurts You", psychotherapist Laura E. Anderson provides a blueprint for those looking to reflect on and begin the lifelong journey of recovering from trauma induced by high control religion.
Trauma is stored in the body, not in the mind. That's the key takeaway from her writing, that it's our nervous system and body's reaction to our everyday world tells the story of how an individual was affected by their experience in HRCs and how they continue to suffer emotionally and physically.
I listened to the audiobook, but I may have to go back and get a physical copy and tag a few passages that I'm still reflecting on.
Trauma is stored in the body, not in the mind. That's the key takeaway from her writing, that it's our nervous system and body's reaction to our everyday world tells the story of how an individual was affected by their experience in HRCs and how they continue to suffer emotionally and physically.
I listened to the audiobook, but I may have to go back and get a physical copy and tag a few passages that I'm still reflecting on.
March 28, 2024
To have language for what I’ve been experiencing has not only been empowering but also a relief to know I’m not losing my mind. As Anderson says in the conclusion of her book, many of my symptoms have stumped my therapist.
Anderson approaches this book from a very personal aspect while also maintaining professionalism and no biased information. It’s difficult to do.
Loved this book. Will be using it as a reference for a long time.
Anderson approaches this book from a very personal aspect while also maintaining professionalism and no biased information. It’s difficult to do.
Loved this book. Will be using it as a reference for a long time.
May 15, 2025
Perhaps closer to a 3.5?
This book is probably immensely helpful for a certain audience… that I am not a part of. She is writing from an extremely post-modern, completely deconstructed perspective. This is not a bad thing, but for those searching for resources about church abuse from a more redemptive and healthy faith perspective (as opposed to an exclusively secular one), I would recommend A Church Called Tov.
Overall, some great content, but clearly from a particular ideological perspective that is not really overtly addressed.
This book is probably immensely helpful for a certain audience… that I am not a part of. She is writing from an extremely post-modern, completely deconstructed perspective. This is not a bad thing, but for those searching for resources about church abuse from a more redemptive and healthy faith perspective (as opposed to an exclusively secular one), I would recommend A Church Called Tov.
Overall, some great content, but clearly from a particular ideological perspective that is not really overtly addressed.
December 25, 2025
Thank you, Dr. Laura E Anderson for writing this book. It took me around 6 months to read not because the content was not engaging or helpful but because it was heavy at times and took time for me to process. Uncovering part of yourself can be uncomfortable and anxiety provoking, at least it was for me. But wow, this book was incredibly helpful and I recognize many of these themes in myself and my upbringing. The body really does keep the score regardless of whether you consider your trauma to actually be “trauma”. Thank you again for taking the time to write this, it was very helpful and eye opening to me.
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