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Finding Inner Peace: Lessons Learned from Trying Too Hard by Brent L. Top and Wendy C. Top
Becoming perfect is a lifelong process, not an overburdening daily checklist of things to do. But many well-meaning Latter-day Saints live the gospel under very strict, self-imposed guidelines. In truth, we are often excessively harsh taskmasters when compared to the gentle, kind, loving, and tender ways of the Lord. In this profound book, Brent and Wendy Top lovingly and brilliantly explore the difference between self-placed burdens we were never meant to carry and the simple, easy yoke of Christ—illustrating how the Atonement covers much more than sin. Sharing the profound hope they have gained through personal trials and tribulations, the authors explain the difference between finding inner peace by practicing the gospel of Jesus Christ according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the stress of trying to grasp the gates of heaven by rigidly following cultural norms and self-imposed rules. Discover how you can apply the enabling and ennobling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ in your daily life and find the inner stillness that comes only from Him.
Paperback
First published September 1, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
June 20, 2018
This was as timely and really helpful book for me. Our Heavenly Father wants us to have peace and joy. Sometimes we look beyond the mark and miss the joy because we are so caught up in trying to do the things we think we're supposed to do. This book was a good reminder to not run faster than you have strength, don't set unrealistic expectations, find balance, He doesn't ask us to be perfect on our own--we must come to Him and rely on Him and His Atonement, judge righteously, live by the Spirit, strive only to do His will, don't fear, have faith, be filled with hope, and most importantly have charity.
I think some of the challenges described in this book have only increased since it was written and there are probably many more modern examples of people struggling with cultural or personal feelings of inadequacy, but the principles taught are basic and timeless reminders to turn to the Lord, follow the Spirit, and essential 'be still and know that [He] is God.' When we aren't worried about what others think, but only want to do His will we will learn to love more as He loves and have peace as we follow Him. I loved the line on page 54 where we're reminded the scriptures never say that "Christ did every possible good thing but simply that he 'went about doing good.'" That's all we're supposed to do, too. ;)
Here are a few other quotes I liked:
"'My heart goes out to conscientious Saints, who, because of their shortcomings, allow feelings of depression to rob them of happiness in life. We all need to remember: men are that they might have joy--not guilt trips (Elder Russell M. Nelson, p. 3)!'"
"In every Relief Society lesson or sacrament meeting talk, she would find something to add to the list, not realizing how lengthy and impossible that list was becoming. She scrambled and scraped to accomplish many of those things while feeling guilty and torturing herself over the ones she couldn't seem to do enough or at all... When she fell short of her perception of 'perfection,' she would stew about it and suffer over it for days (p. 6)."
"The Lord never deserts His children. Yet sometimes, like a parent teaching a toddler to walk, He steps back and holds out His arms to see if we can come to Him on our own, thus enhancing our abilities and understanding. Sometimes we must make that leap of faith and step out into the darkness, believing that at some point we will enjoy His sustaining embrace once again. If we falter, as we usually will on our own, He steps forward to catch us and enfold us in His merciful arms and put us back on our feet to try again (p. 7)."
"She had learned to run faster than she had strength--to run all eight lanes of the race at once. What she didn't realize was that this was not what the Lord had required of her. Yet she had blindly required it of herself. She had been running so fast that she never thought to stop and ask what the Lord wanted her to do. Now she couldn't even crawl... The only way she could make any progress was in letting the Savior carry her (p. 7)."
"'You are not allowing the Atonement of Jesus Christ to operate in your life. You think you must do it all yourself. He wants to help, and you won't let Him. You are denying His Atonement.' She had always considered herself as one who was grateful for the gift of repentance and made use of it for more serious sins, but she had never considered it as a principle to be applied to every step along the way (p. 7)."
"One day she made a list of the Lord's commandments; in a second column next to each one, she wrote the more stringent interpretations that had evolved in Mormon culture. Perhaps they had come about in the same way as the well-intended 'fences' that had grown around the law of Moses among the scribes and Pharisees. In order to avoid breaking any commandment, they prescribed a set of more particular, more strict observances that would keep them from even coming near to violating the law and that enabled them to demonstrate a supposedly greater faithfulness than what was required in keeping a particular commandment. In their zealousness, however, they often became obsessed with the letter of these lesser laws while overlooking and offending the spirit of the original law. Worst of all, they set up such performances as the standard of righteousness, judging others unrighteously (p. 8)."
"When these higher standards we have created for ourselves...are used to judge ourselves or others unrighteously, they become stumbling blocks rather than stepping stones (p. 9)."
"We are also commanded to serve and do our duty in the Church; to magnify our callings. In their zealousness, many have interpreted this to mean that we must never turn down any calling or ask to be released from one at any time (p. 10)."
"She had been practicing 'The Gospel According to Popular Interpretation' instead of living the gospel according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit (p. 11)."
"Generally speaking, Latter-day Saints are an obedient and sincere people. In our desire to be faithful in all things, however, we may have created a culture that at some times and in some ways can unwittingly put too much emphasis on outward conformity and in turn creates unrealistic and even false standards of righteousness (p. 11)."
"Church programs can also create rigid expectations if not administered with love, flexibility, and sensitivity (p. 13)."
"If we are not constantly mindful, we may make that pressure greater than the steady and loving inducement to simply live the true gospel of Jesus Christ according to the sweet and gentle guidance of the Holy Ghost (p. 14)."
"'If we encourage members in this work without taking these individual circumstances into account, we may do more to impose guilt than to further the work (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, p. 14).'"
"One of the most liberating and joyful things a person can learn to do is to stop trying so hard to please other people--stop caring so much about what they say or think and simply try to please the Lord. Anne Morrow Lindbergh...acknowledged that 'the most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere (p. 15).'"
"It takes integrity and humility to be what we are, not caught up in appearances. It takes courage to do what the Lord wants us to do, or not do, when it doesn't fit the social perception of a faithful or active Latter-day Saint. It boils down to continually seeking and following the guidance of the Spirit, not 'fear[ing] man more than God (p. 16).'"
"The Lord doesn't expect us to perfect ourselves by trying harder and working longer. He expects us to do all we can but knows we will never be able to perfect ourselves. In fact, it is not His purpose that we perfect ourselves. This is not what he requires of us. 'Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind (D&C 64:34, p. 16).'"
"Be diligent, constant, and steady, but not to run faster than she had strength.... The rewards of doing the Lord's will are far greater than the rewards of social approval (p. 17)."
"That elusive feeling of self-worth and inner peace came not from what she could do, but from what the Lord can do with her. In His earthly ministry, the Savior tried to teach us to live by this principle: 'Abide in me, and I in you... (John 15:4-5, p. 17).'"
"Keeping the daily demands of life in balance is one of the great juggling acts of mortality. All of us, at different times and in different ways, feel pulled and tugged in various directions. Even trying to do good and faithfully live gospel principles can be carried to extremes and upset the delicate balance of our lives, painfully intruding on our personal peace (p. 20)."
"Sometimes we are led to believe that in order to be successful in life we must run faster, work harder, and produce more than the next person. Even the positive traits of being goal- or achievement-oriented can be taken too far when we neglect the charge to 'see that all these things are done in wisdom and order (Mosiah 4:27, p. 30).'"
"'We go around in circles...and we spend our time in triviality when we should get on with that which the Lord has given us to do by way of foreordination (Elder Robert L. Simpson, p. 31).'"
"'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full--there's nowhere for Him to put it (C.S. Lewis, p. 31).'"
"If may sometimes be that we render more significant service and develop more substantive spirituality by having fewer meetings and activities (p. 32)."
"Our lives are out of balance if we allow outward busyness to supplant inner goodness (p. 32)."
"Putting first things first requires that we must also preserve and protect our own spiritual, physical, and emotional health. It is difficult to build the kingdom of God, lift and serve others, and give of ourselves to those who need us if we are burned out or sapped of all spiritual, physical, and emotional strength (p. 37)."
"Almost as if in quicksand, sometimes we can become bogged down with discouragement and frustration through demands and expectations related to spiritual aspects of life. Unrealistic expectations and overwhelming feelings of inadequacy can disrupt our inward peace and derail our personal pursuit of perfection. These feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, discouragement, and failure are symptoms of a life that is lacking spiritual balance (p. 42)."
"'Overzealousness is at least as much to be feared as apathy (Elder Dean L. Larsen, p. 42).'"
"It is imperative that we recognize that neither the Savior nor modern prophets have taught that the Lord requires us to achieve perfection while in mortality (p. 43)."
"'Relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and finisher of their faith (Moroni 6:4, p. 46).'"
"'You don't have to live a life that's truer than true (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, p. 48).'"
"Nephi taught that the only way we can become perfect is by 'unshaken faith [in Christ], relying wholly upon the merits of him who is might to save,' at the same time '[pressing] forward with a steadfastness in Christ (see 2 Nephi 31:19-20, p. 48).'"
"Understanding the doctrine of perfection can liberate us from self-defeating behaviors and the destructive discouragement that destroys the faith in Christ that is necessary to allow Him to make us perfect (p. 49)."
"He desires that we do things 'in wisdom and in order': steady progress, not spurts of spirituality; firmness of resolve, not flashing but fleeting results. He is mindful as much of our desires, our determination, and our direction as He is of our deeds. The Lord neither expects nor desires us to do more than we can--or more than that which is wise--but He desires that we diligently and steadily keep moving in the right direction (p. 53)."
"'To you who feel harried and overwhelmed and who wonder whether you ever will be able to run fast enough.... learn to deal with each day as it comes, doing the best you can.... When you have done the best you can, be satisfied and don't look back and second-guess, wondering how you could have done more. Be at peace with yourselves (Elder M. Russell Ballard, p. 54).'"
"The New Testament does not tell us that Christ did every possible good thing but simply that he 'went about doing good (Acts 10:38, p. 54).'"
"The Spirit whispered to her that what she was demanding of herself was not pleasing to the Lord because she was not allowing the Atonement of Jesus Christ to have full operation in her life. It is not a sign of weakness to abandon pseudo-self-reliance and avail ourselves of the Atonement; rather it is a gesture of deep gratitude, love, humility, faith, and courage.... A greater understanding of and faith in the power of the Atonement brings our lives into spiritual balance by allowing the Savior to share our burdens and compensate for our many inadequacies (p. 57)."
"When we make unrighteous and unmerciful judgments, we make living the gospel more difficult and less rewarding than it should be by creating a standard to which no one can measure up (p. 61)."
"'In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see.'.... We seldom know all the circumstances surrounding a person's life and the way he or she has chosen or is forced to live. Perhaps the intents of the heart are much nobler than the behavior, which may be hampered by a lack of knowledge or understanding or by weakness yet to be overcome... We must endeavor as best we can to 'look upon the heart' in judging others (p. 64).'"
"'Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the wrong. Sometime in life you will have been all of these (Lloyd Shearer, p. 66).'"
"To judge 'righteous judgment,' then, is to judge with love--the pure love of Christ (p. 70)."
"'Self-contempt is of Satan; there is none of it in heaven (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, p. 71).'"
"As a child of God, each of us is offered the same love that He shows to others. It is part of the package. Yet often we find it easier to see how it applies to others than how it applies to us (p. 73)."
"Her heart threatened to fail her, not because of biological heart problems but rather because of fear (p. 76)."
"The only healthy fear is the fear of God.... This version of fear has to do with being respectful, humble, and obedient, not with being frightened. It is a fear that blesses us (p. 77)."
"We are not left alone to overcome our fears (p. 79)."
"We don't have to pretend that the sun is shining when it isn't, but we must never give up hope that it will shine again (p. 83)."
"If we are fearful, it is because we do not love enough.... When we are filled with charity, the pure love of Christ, there is no room or need for fear in our hearts (p. 84)."
"The simple key to finding the peace and balance we have discussed...is learning to live according to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is easy to identify, but it takes a lifetime of constant labor to live according to the promptings of the Spirit. That is the ultimate quest of our mortal lives (p. 89)."
"'Let us then labor for an inward stillness,
An inward stillness and an inward healing,
That perfect silence where the lips and heart
Are still, and we no longer entertain
Our own imperfect thoughts and vain opinions,
But God alone speaks in us, and we wait
In singleness of heart, that we may know
His will, and in the silence of our spirits,
That we may do His will, and do that only! (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, p. 89)'"
"We are not advocating a token daily consultation with God, but a total, thorough, absolute submission to His will in all things and at all times. We must overcome the human tendency to see all willful submission as some kind of weakness and loss of control and begin instead to see submission to God as the most courageous, ennobling, and emancipated state we can attain (p. 90)."
"Receiving revelation and guidance from God, as sensational as it may sound to some, is actually a very quiet, simple, and introspective way to live (p 92)."
"'I have learned that strong, impressive spiritual experiences do not come to us very frequently. And when they do, they are generally for our own edification, instruction, or correction.... I have come to believe also that it is not wise to continually talk of unusual spiritual experiences. They are to be guarded with care and shared only when the Spirit itself prompts us to use them to the blessing of others (President Boyd K. Packer, p. 100).'"
"Charity--the pure love of Christ, love like Christ's--is the hallmark and ultimate measure of spirituality (p. 105)."
"Developing charity and thus true spirituality is as difficult as it is important (p. 105)."
"Charity and spirituality are not something we have to make an effort to display. Spirituality and charity are not to be worn on our sleeves. In fact, it is probable that the more we try to make a show of them, the less we really have. Spirituality is something much more than what we do or say. It is what we are at the very core of our being (p. 108)."
"What principle is Jesus referring back to when he concludes with 'Be ye therefore [as a result of this, or in consequence of this] perfect?' He is referring to this charity, or love... Most of what Christ is teaching in chapter 5 of Matthew is about love for God and for our fellowmen. This is not just ordinary love but extraordinary, extra-mile love--loving one's enemies, loving those who don't love us, loving those who are different from us, loving those who are not easy to love (p. 109)."
"'Therefore I would that ye should be perfect [in love] even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect [in love],' and know that this love is a gift to 'true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ'.... Perfect action means nothing without charity (p. 110)."
I think some of the challenges described in this book have only increased since it was written and there are probably many more modern examples of people struggling with cultural or personal feelings of inadequacy, but the principles taught are basic and timeless reminders to turn to the Lord, follow the Spirit, and essential 'be still and know that [He] is God.' When we aren't worried about what others think, but only want to do His will we will learn to love more as He loves and have peace as we follow Him. I loved the line on page 54 where we're reminded the scriptures never say that "Christ did every possible good thing but simply that he 'went about doing good.'" That's all we're supposed to do, too. ;)
Here are a few other quotes I liked:
"'My heart goes out to conscientious Saints, who, because of their shortcomings, allow feelings of depression to rob them of happiness in life. We all need to remember: men are that they might have joy--not guilt trips (Elder Russell M. Nelson, p. 3)!'"
"In every Relief Society lesson or sacrament meeting talk, she would find something to add to the list, not realizing how lengthy and impossible that list was becoming. She scrambled and scraped to accomplish many of those things while feeling guilty and torturing herself over the ones she couldn't seem to do enough or at all... When she fell short of her perception of 'perfection,' she would stew about it and suffer over it for days (p. 6)."
"The Lord never deserts His children. Yet sometimes, like a parent teaching a toddler to walk, He steps back and holds out His arms to see if we can come to Him on our own, thus enhancing our abilities and understanding. Sometimes we must make that leap of faith and step out into the darkness, believing that at some point we will enjoy His sustaining embrace once again. If we falter, as we usually will on our own, He steps forward to catch us and enfold us in His merciful arms and put us back on our feet to try again (p. 7)."
"She had learned to run faster than she had strength--to run all eight lanes of the race at once. What she didn't realize was that this was not what the Lord had required of her. Yet she had blindly required it of herself. She had been running so fast that she never thought to stop and ask what the Lord wanted her to do. Now she couldn't even crawl... The only way she could make any progress was in letting the Savior carry her (p. 7)."
"'You are not allowing the Atonement of Jesus Christ to operate in your life. You think you must do it all yourself. He wants to help, and you won't let Him. You are denying His Atonement.' She had always considered herself as one who was grateful for the gift of repentance and made use of it for more serious sins, but she had never considered it as a principle to be applied to every step along the way (p. 7)."
"One day she made a list of the Lord's commandments; in a second column next to each one, she wrote the more stringent interpretations that had evolved in Mormon culture. Perhaps they had come about in the same way as the well-intended 'fences' that had grown around the law of Moses among the scribes and Pharisees. In order to avoid breaking any commandment, they prescribed a set of more particular, more strict observances that would keep them from even coming near to violating the law and that enabled them to demonstrate a supposedly greater faithfulness than what was required in keeping a particular commandment. In their zealousness, however, they often became obsessed with the letter of these lesser laws while overlooking and offending the spirit of the original law. Worst of all, they set up such performances as the standard of righteousness, judging others unrighteously (p. 8)."
"When these higher standards we have created for ourselves...are used to judge ourselves or others unrighteously, they become stumbling blocks rather than stepping stones (p. 9)."
"We are also commanded to serve and do our duty in the Church; to magnify our callings. In their zealousness, many have interpreted this to mean that we must never turn down any calling or ask to be released from one at any time (p. 10)."
"She had been practicing 'The Gospel According to Popular Interpretation' instead of living the gospel according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit (p. 11)."
"Generally speaking, Latter-day Saints are an obedient and sincere people. In our desire to be faithful in all things, however, we may have created a culture that at some times and in some ways can unwittingly put too much emphasis on outward conformity and in turn creates unrealistic and even false standards of righteousness (p. 11)."
"Church programs can also create rigid expectations if not administered with love, flexibility, and sensitivity (p. 13)."
"If we are not constantly mindful, we may make that pressure greater than the steady and loving inducement to simply live the true gospel of Jesus Christ according to the sweet and gentle guidance of the Holy Ghost (p. 14)."
"'If we encourage members in this work without taking these individual circumstances into account, we may do more to impose guilt than to further the work (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, p. 14).'"
"One of the most liberating and joyful things a person can learn to do is to stop trying so hard to please other people--stop caring so much about what they say or think and simply try to please the Lord. Anne Morrow Lindbergh...acknowledged that 'the most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere (p. 15).'"
"It takes integrity and humility to be what we are, not caught up in appearances. It takes courage to do what the Lord wants us to do, or not do, when it doesn't fit the social perception of a faithful or active Latter-day Saint. It boils down to continually seeking and following the guidance of the Spirit, not 'fear[ing] man more than God (p. 16).'"
"The Lord doesn't expect us to perfect ourselves by trying harder and working longer. He expects us to do all we can but knows we will never be able to perfect ourselves. In fact, it is not His purpose that we perfect ourselves. This is not what he requires of us. 'Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind (D&C 64:34, p. 16).'"
"Be diligent, constant, and steady, but not to run faster than she had strength.... The rewards of doing the Lord's will are far greater than the rewards of social approval (p. 17)."
"That elusive feeling of self-worth and inner peace came not from what she could do, but from what the Lord can do with her. In His earthly ministry, the Savior tried to teach us to live by this principle: 'Abide in me, and I in you... (John 15:4-5, p. 17).'"
"Keeping the daily demands of life in balance is one of the great juggling acts of mortality. All of us, at different times and in different ways, feel pulled and tugged in various directions. Even trying to do good and faithfully live gospel principles can be carried to extremes and upset the delicate balance of our lives, painfully intruding on our personal peace (p. 20)."
"Sometimes we are led to believe that in order to be successful in life we must run faster, work harder, and produce more than the next person. Even the positive traits of being goal- or achievement-oriented can be taken too far when we neglect the charge to 'see that all these things are done in wisdom and order (Mosiah 4:27, p. 30).'"
"'We go around in circles...and we spend our time in triviality when we should get on with that which the Lord has given us to do by way of foreordination (Elder Robert L. Simpson, p. 31).'"
"'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full--there's nowhere for Him to put it (C.S. Lewis, p. 31).'"
"If may sometimes be that we render more significant service and develop more substantive spirituality by having fewer meetings and activities (p. 32)."
"Our lives are out of balance if we allow outward busyness to supplant inner goodness (p. 32)."
"Putting first things first requires that we must also preserve and protect our own spiritual, physical, and emotional health. It is difficult to build the kingdom of God, lift and serve others, and give of ourselves to those who need us if we are burned out or sapped of all spiritual, physical, and emotional strength (p. 37)."
"Almost as if in quicksand, sometimes we can become bogged down with discouragement and frustration through demands and expectations related to spiritual aspects of life. Unrealistic expectations and overwhelming feelings of inadequacy can disrupt our inward peace and derail our personal pursuit of perfection. These feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, discouragement, and failure are symptoms of a life that is lacking spiritual balance (p. 42)."
"'Overzealousness is at least as much to be feared as apathy (Elder Dean L. Larsen, p. 42).'"
"It is imperative that we recognize that neither the Savior nor modern prophets have taught that the Lord requires us to achieve perfection while in mortality (p. 43)."
"'Relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and finisher of their faith (Moroni 6:4, p. 46).'"
"'You don't have to live a life that's truer than true (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, p. 48).'"
"Nephi taught that the only way we can become perfect is by 'unshaken faith [in Christ], relying wholly upon the merits of him who is might to save,' at the same time '[pressing] forward with a steadfastness in Christ (see 2 Nephi 31:19-20, p. 48).'"
"Understanding the doctrine of perfection can liberate us from self-defeating behaviors and the destructive discouragement that destroys the faith in Christ that is necessary to allow Him to make us perfect (p. 49)."
"He desires that we do things 'in wisdom and in order': steady progress, not spurts of spirituality; firmness of resolve, not flashing but fleeting results. He is mindful as much of our desires, our determination, and our direction as He is of our deeds. The Lord neither expects nor desires us to do more than we can--or more than that which is wise--but He desires that we diligently and steadily keep moving in the right direction (p. 53)."
"'To you who feel harried and overwhelmed and who wonder whether you ever will be able to run fast enough.... learn to deal with each day as it comes, doing the best you can.... When you have done the best you can, be satisfied and don't look back and second-guess, wondering how you could have done more. Be at peace with yourselves (Elder M. Russell Ballard, p. 54).'"
"The New Testament does not tell us that Christ did every possible good thing but simply that he 'went about doing good (Acts 10:38, p. 54).'"
"The Spirit whispered to her that what she was demanding of herself was not pleasing to the Lord because she was not allowing the Atonement of Jesus Christ to have full operation in her life. It is not a sign of weakness to abandon pseudo-self-reliance and avail ourselves of the Atonement; rather it is a gesture of deep gratitude, love, humility, faith, and courage.... A greater understanding of and faith in the power of the Atonement brings our lives into spiritual balance by allowing the Savior to share our burdens and compensate for our many inadequacies (p. 57)."
"When we make unrighteous and unmerciful judgments, we make living the gospel more difficult and less rewarding than it should be by creating a standard to which no one can measure up (p. 61)."
"'In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see.'.... We seldom know all the circumstances surrounding a person's life and the way he or she has chosen or is forced to live. Perhaps the intents of the heart are much nobler than the behavior, which may be hampered by a lack of knowledge or understanding or by weakness yet to be overcome... We must endeavor as best we can to 'look upon the heart' in judging others (p. 64).'"
"'Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the wrong. Sometime in life you will have been all of these (Lloyd Shearer, p. 66).'"
"To judge 'righteous judgment,' then, is to judge with love--the pure love of Christ (p. 70)."
"'Self-contempt is of Satan; there is none of it in heaven (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, p. 71).'"
"As a child of God, each of us is offered the same love that He shows to others. It is part of the package. Yet often we find it easier to see how it applies to others than how it applies to us (p. 73)."
"Her heart threatened to fail her, not because of biological heart problems but rather because of fear (p. 76)."
"The only healthy fear is the fear of God.... This version of fear has to do with being respectful, humble, and obedient, not with being frightened. It is a fear that blesses us (p. 77)."
"We are not left alone to overcome our fears (p. 79)."
"We don't have to pretend that the sun is shining when it isn't, but we must never give up hope that it will shine again (p. 83)."
"If we are fearful, it is because we do not love enough.... When we are filled with charity, the pure love of Christ, there is no room or need for fear in our hearts (p. 84)."
"The simple key to finding the peace and balance we have discussed...is learning to live according to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is easy to identify, but it takes a lifetime of constant labor to live according to the promptings of the Spirit. That is the ultimate quest of our mortal lives (p. 89)."
"'Let us then labor for an inward stillness,
An inward stillness and an inward healing,
That perfect silence where the lips and heart
Are still, and we no longer entertain
Our own imperfect thoughts and vain opinions,
But God alone speaks in us, and we wait
In singleness of heart, that we may know
His will, and in the silence of our spirits,
That we may do His will, and do that only! (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, p. 89)'"
"We are not advocating a token daily consultation with God, but a total, thorough, absolute submission to His will in all things and at all times. We must overcome the human tendency to see all willful submission as some kind of weakness and loss of control and begin instead to see submission to God as the most courageous, ennobling, and emancipated state we can attain (p. 90)."
"Receiving revelation and guidance from God, as sensational as it may sound to some, is actually a very quiet, simple, and introspective way to live (p 92)."
"'I have learned that strong, impressive spiritual experiences do not come to us very frequently. And when they do, they are generally for our own edification, instruction, or correction.... I have come to believe also that it is not wise to continually talk of unusual spiritual experiences. They are to be guarded with care and shared only when the Spirit itself prompts us to use them to the blessing of others (President Boyd K. Packer, p. 100).'"
"Charity--the pure love of Christ, love like Christ's--is the hallmark and ultimate measure of spirituality (p. 105)."
"Developing charity and thus true spirituality is as difficult as it is important (p. 105)."
"Charity and spirituality are not something we have to make an effort to display. Spirituality and charity are not to be worn on our sleeves. In fact, it is probable that the more we try to make a show of them, the less we really have. Spirituality is something much more than what we do or say. It is what we are at the very core of our being (p. 108)."
"What principle is Jesus referring back to when he concludes with 'Be ye therefore [as a result of this, or in consequence of this] perfect?' He is referring to this charity, or love... Most of what Christ is teaching in chapter 5 of Matthew is about love for God and for our fellowmen. This is not just ordinary love but extraordinary, extra-mile love--loving one's enemies, loving those who don't love us, loving those who are different from us, loving those who are not easy to love (p. 109)."
"'Therefore I would that ye should be perfect [in love] even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect [in love],' and know that this love is a gift to 'true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ'.... Perfect action means nothing without charity (p. 110)."
June 22, 2017
This book is simple to read and understand. I learned so much from the chapter titled Overcoming Fear through Faith, Hope, and Charity. "Fear is one of Satan's most effective and destructive tools in these last days." Neal A Maxwell said "if we are fearful, it is because we do not love enough." "When we are filled with charity, the pure love of Christ, there is no room or need for fear in our hearts."
March 30, 2017
Great insight into Mormon culture. A reminder about separating spirituality and doctrine from the prevailing cultural demands.
October 27, 2023
Lots of thoughts provoked.
February 21, 2016
We read this for book group, and during the first chapter of this book felt like I was reading a self-biographical novel, then by the second and third chapters I become very overwhelmed. I wondered if this was really the best book for me to be reading, when I'm currently struggling with anxiety. But then the book improved. It was probably worth it to read just so I could read page 54. After the middle point, the longer I read it the more I thought yup, nothing really new presented here. I felt like I was reading excepts of Conference Talks, when I could have spent my time reading the entire talks, getting to the real meat. I did find the second half of the last chapter very thought provoking. It points to the need to be balanced in our religious devotion, spiritual inspiration, and fun. Yes, if you think about it most of the Latter-day prophets are describe as fun by people who meet them outside of church meetings.
What you may wonder was on page 54?
What you may wonder was on page 54?
The New Testament does not tell us that Christ did every possible good thing but simply that he "went about doing good" (Acts 10:38). Being good and doing the best we can--whatever that may be--is doing "all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23) that will lead to our salvation and ultimate perfection. President Brigham Young declared: "Those who do right, and seek the glory of the Father in heaven...whether they can do little or much, if they do the very best they know how, they are perfect... (Desert News Weekly, 8/31/1854)
January 24, 2023
While there are some good thoughts in here that might be helpful to some in their individual circumstances, I found this book to be slight, both in length and in content. The overall message seemed to be paradoxical: "Stop trying so hard to live the gospel and just try harder to live the gospel." It gave lip-service to the idea that we ought to dial back, be compassionate with ourselves, not overdo it, but it implied the solution was to focus even stronger on doing all the things: reading scriptures, prayer, service, church and temple attendance and callings, etc.
August 26, 2025
This was a helpful little book, but did not acknowledge the continual reminders from our prophets, apostles, and leaders that we have to qualify to be exalted. So, I would add to his conclusion of true inner peace and spirituality being measured in charity, with the thought that maybe we can tell ourselves, "When I have charity, and am trying to have charity, through the grace of God, I QUALIFY."
June 6, 2021
I honestly got confused who was speaking, was it in first or third person? To me it seemed a book based on the experiences of the wife but then the 3rd party was teaching. Think this book would have been better if Wendy did it herself, it would have been more personal. Some good things in it but glad it was a quick read.
April 20, 2021
A short and sweet book packed full of insights! As an anxious person by nature, I always enjoy reading about peace. I loved learning about different ways to live a more peaceful life. And of course it all leads back to charity, because perfect love casts out fear. Beautiful book!
February 8, 2019
This was very honest and helpful. I highlighted a lot of things and especially liked the section on Quiet Sane Living and revelation. It's a quick read and worth the time.
October 30, 2018
This was a fantastic read! Short book. I loved the consistent reminder that I don't have to be perfect. I just need to keep doing my best.
September 15, 2020
Heavenly healing book that every "perfectionist" should read.
It helped me re-evaluate my life and take a look at what is really important in the long run.
It helped me re-evaluate my life and take a look at what is really important in the long run.
October 28, 2023
The Top's have written a gem of a book about finding inner peace. So, many times we feel that we need to be the perfect member of the church, et.. This book provides welcome perspective.
November 1, 2023
An uplifting book about finding charity.
January 3, 2024
This book did a good job of helping me feel unburdened, empowered, and inspired to do my own research into what will bring me inner peace.
May 14, 2016
I must have read some sort of review of this book - it came in at the library and of course, I'd forgotten I'd requested it. It is definitely a quick read. And I mostly enjoyed it.
Sadly it was a case of more promise than delivery. There are some really good thoughts in here. At first I thought perhaps it might make a good gift. By the end I was thinking I was happy I hadn't spent any actual money on it.
Here's a couple passages that I really liked.
"And yet sometimes we criticize the performance or nonperformance of ourselves and other members as if we ought to produce results unfailingly and like paid professionals, or as if we are answerable to each other rather than to God."
And this quote from David O. McKay:"Mere compliance with the word of the Lord, without a corresponding inward desire, will avail but little. Indeed such outward actions and pretending phrases may disclose hypocrisy, a sin that Jesus most vehemently condemned."
There were lots of other passages that I liked, but by the time I finished the book I no longer cared to note them. So, perhaps more of a 2 1/2 star than a 3 star book.
Sadly it was a case of more promise than delivery. There are some really good thoughts in here. At first I thought perhaps it might make a good gift. By the end I was thinking I was happy I hadn't spent any actual money on it.
Here's a couple passages that I really liked.
"And yet sometimes we criticize the performance or nonperformance of ourselves and other members as if we ought to produce results unfailingly and like paid professionals, or as if we are answerable to each other rather than to God."
And this quote from David O. McKay:"Mere compliance with the word of the Lord, without a corresponding inward desire, will avail but little. Indeed such outward actions and pretending phrases may disclose hypocrisy, a sin that Jesus most vehemently condemned."
There were lots of other passages that I liked, but by the time I finished the book I no longer cared to note them. So, perhaps more of a 2 1/2 star than a 3 star book.
August 22, 2016
"Finding Inner Peace: Lessons learned from trying too hard" This book speaks to the ever abundant perfectionisim with in the LDS church. This book gives encouragement and puts things into perspective. There is a big difference between church culture and the actual Gospel. This book speaks to how cultural things can bog us down and pull us further away from what the Savior actually expects and wants from us. There are lots of nuggets of wisdom in this book.
April 3, 2017
Lots of good stuff here! So many good quotes from others too...I have a huge list of other books and addresses I want to look up so that I can read them in their entirety. Parts of this felt like I could have written it myself so it was affirming of things I already believed. Other parts were eye opening and made me look at well known stories and scriptures with new eyes. Really fast and enjoyable read.
July 8, 2016
The book had some great points. There were some quotes I will use. Overall, not anything new. It is a quick read. I had higher hopes that they would address the Mormon Culture more and how damaging it can be at times. It was more of a memoir of Wendy Top and how she realized she isn't perfect. Not a complete waste of time to read, but not everything I had hoped.
January 18, 2016
I was actually a little disappointed in this book. Perhaps my expectations were too high. (Spot the irony!) I very much like the points it makes but think the writing is weak. Still, I'm glad I read it.
December 4, 2015
"Lessons learned from trying too hard" -- Perfectionism in the Church.
October 11, 2016
I love this book. it talks about how to find inner peace and and joy with your life
March 23, 2016
Simple and sweet book.
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