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Lost Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them
"Remarkable. What sets Lost Boys apart from the ordinary lament is the author's palpable sense of care and compassion."--T he Washington Post Book World
Our national consciousness has been altered by haunting images of mass slaughters in American high schools, carried out by troubled young boys with guns. It's now clear that no matter where we live or how hard we try as parents, our children are likely to be going to school with boys who are capable of getting guns and pulling triggers. What has caused teen violence to spread from the urban war-zones of large cities right into the country's heartland? And what can we do to stop this terrifying trend?
James Garbarino, Ph.D., Cornell University professor and nationally noted psychologist, insists that there are things that we, both as individuals and as a society, can do. In a richly anecdotal style he outlines warning signs that parents and teachers can recognize, and suggests steps that can be taken to turn angry and unhappy boys away from violent action. Full of insight, vivid individual portraits, practical advice and considered hope, this is one of the most important and original books ever written about boys.
Our national consciousness has been altered by haunting images of mass slaughters in American high schools, carried out by troubled young boys with guns. It's now clear that no matter where we live or how hard we try as parents, our children are likely to be going to school with boys who are capable of getting guns and pulling triggers. What has caused teen violence to spread from the urban war-zones of large cities right into the country's heartland? And what can we do to stop this terrifying trend?
James Garbarino, Ph.D., Cornell University professor and nationally noted psychologist, insists that there are things that we, both as individuals and as a society, can do. In a richly anecdotal style he outlines warning signs that parents and teachers can recognize, and suggests steps that can be taken to turn angry and unhappy boys away from violent action. Full of insight, vivid individual portraits, practical advice and considered hope, this is one of the most important and original books ever written about boys.
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
May 14, 2016
I started listening to this book on the day that there was YET ANOTHER mass shooting in America -- this time, ten dead at a community college in Oregon.
Although fifteen years old, the studies and information inside are just as relevant today and, in many cases, you can see how the author's theories have been well-proven since. Our current national discourse over guns often breaks down along party lines, but this book was written without politics in mind. The studies Garbarino sites range from the positive effects of a church community to a condemnation of our military's training tactics. He includes the first persuasive discussion I've ever heard for video games desensitizing our kids, but all of the points are at least interesting to consider, if not compelling and convincing as causes of our epidemic of mass killings.
I encourage everyone trying to raise kids in this world to read this so you can hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls. Also, anyone interested in the Second Amendment vs. Gun Control debate should consider the content because there are simply too many variables involved to distill the argument down to sound bites the way we often do. Also, if you're an American and care about the direction of your country, you should probably be aware of many of these issues. Basically, you and everyone you know should read it.
I can't leave this forum without highlighting my favorite bit of info from the book. Were you aware that Thomas Jefferson's original text for the Declaration of Independence read: "...the pursuit of public happiness..."? Turns out, they ended up omitting the "public" because they considered it completely obvious that true happiness could only be achieved while being a contributing part of a healthy community. This is a shame because maybe those who now hold our Founding Fathers up as infallible might pause a second and realize that -personal- happiness and liberty is not the end all, be all -- that -public- symbiosis is a more worthy goal. I believe that's the exact reason why some countries have drastically less gun violence than the USA even though they may have more lenient gun laws -- because they and their governments value social programs and the greater good more than we do.
Although fifteen years old, the studies and information inside are just as relevant today and, in many cases, you can see how the author's theories have been well-proven since. Our current national discourse over guns often breaks down along party lines, but this book was written without politics in mind. The studies Garbarino sites range from the positive effects of a church community to a condemnation of our military's training tactics. He includes the first persuasive discussion I've ever heard for video games desensitizing our kids, but all of the points are at least interesting to consider, if not compelling and convincing as causes of our epidemic of mass killings.
I encourage everyone trying to raise kids in this world to read this so you can hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls. Also, anyone interested in the Second Amendment vs. Gun Control debate should consider the content because there are simply too many variables involved to distill the argument down to sound bites the way we often do. Also, if you're an American and care about the direction of your country, you should probably be aware of many of these issues. Basically, you and everyone you know should read it.
I can't leave this forum without highlighting my favorite bit of info from the book. Were you aware that Thomas Jefferson's original text for the Declaration of Independence read: "...the pursuit of public happiness..."? Turns out, they ended up omitting the "public" because they considered it completely obvious that true happiness could only be achieved while being a contributing part of a healthy community. This is a shame because maybe those who now hold our Founding Fathers up as infallible might pause a second and realize that -personal- happiness and liberty is not the end all, be all -- that -public- symbiosis is a more worthy goal. I believe that's the exact reason why some countries have drastically less gun violence than the USA even though they may have more lenient gun laws -- because they and their governments value social programs and the greater good more than we do.
February 28, 2008
I'm not going to book group and the book wasn't my style. Is this guy really a psychologist? I would have preferred that he just stuck to the interesting studies he cites about the effects of different kinds of parenting and upbringings on children rather than occasionally going off into foggily religious explanations of soul and spiritual development. I may have been a little more sympathetic to this approach if it just didn’t feel quite so much like he was pandering to the “Religious Right.” It felt a little like the author expected me to have picked the book up so I could feel self-righteous about something.
I didn’t finish the book, but there are two things that I did find striking and important in it. The first is that it talks about how studies seem to show that responsive parents tend to have children with fewer, rather than more, attachment issues. If the baby cries, go over to him right away and figure out what he wants. I was a little surprised by this because my parents are little more Dr. Spock-y than that, and I always thought the "let-'em-cry-for-a-minute" approach is a spoiled child preventer, but I'm rethinking this.
The other thing, and this is the more important of the two, was this quote from Henry Louis Mencken: “If you want peace, work for justice.” I do want peace, but this book wasn’t what I was looking for. Another book about youth crime in America, No Matter How Loud I Shout, is one I would recommend: after reading it, I was upset and ready for battle against all the social ills you can imagine. That is the kind of social justice book I like. And, as the stickers plastered around the Harvard Law campus tell me, IF YOU AREN’T OUTRAGED, YOU AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION!
I didn’t finish the book, but there are two things that I did find striking and important in it. The first is that it talks about how studies seem to show that responsive parents tend to have children with fewer, rather than more, attachment issues. If the baby cries, go over to him right away and figure out what he wants. I was a little surprised by this because my parents are little more Dr. Spock-y than that, and I always thought the "let-'em-cry-for-a-minute" approach is a spoiled child preventer, but I'm rethinking this.
The other thing, and this is the more important of the two, was this quote from Henry Louis Mencken: “If you want peace, work for justice.” I do want peace, but this book wasn’t what I was looking for. Another book about youth crime in America, No Matter How Loud I Shout, is one I would recommend: after reading it, I was upset and ready for battle against all the social ills you can imagine. That is the kind of social justice book I like. And, as the stickers plastered around the Harvard Law campus tell me, IF YOU AREN’T OUTRAGED, YOU AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION!
March 29, 2021
So many thoughts. My heart aches. So important.
February 14, 2009
I read this book for a class at MSASS. The author is a developmental psychologist who has worked extensively with boys who have committed acts of great violence, including murder. The first half of the book examines the roots of violence among boys, and the second half suggests possible ways to prevent violence. Very powerful. I found it to be both realistic and hopeful.
August 12, 2020
When he starts speaking about "spiritual reality" and "through the eyes you can tell a great deal about the well-being of the soul" and "what kindles the spark of divinity in a child" and "I'm not in a position to debate the theological issue of whether or not souls can die or be killed" and "removing my psychologist's hat for a moment" and so on, I can only tune out whatever good points he makes.
It is topic of great importance to me, as is helping young girls. This is not the book.
It is topic of great importance to me, as is helping young girls. This is not the book.
April 23, 2015
Well researched and artfully written, including intimate portrayals of the boys themselves based on extensive interviews and delving into their histories. This book clearly lays out the data on not only what causes boys in the US today to become violent, but also how we can stop this horrible cycle. I was fascinated by the explanation of why mass school shootings have happened mainly in rural areas and smaller schools, contrasted with the urban violence away from schools.
I especially relished the author's argument as to why it is incumbent upon the American government to actively work to intervene in this crisis, based upon the Constitution. Sadly, since its publication in 1999, I don't think there's been much progress.
I especially relished the author's argument as to why it is incumbent upon the American government to actively work to intervene in this crisis, based upon the Constitution. Sadly, since its publication in 1999, I don't think there's been much progress.
September 11, 2015
A clear and heartbreaking exploration into the lives of troubled and violent boys. Dr. Garbarino is a psychologist who is experienced in working with these boys. He advocates for understanding them and helping them understand themselves. In helping these boys, we can figure out ways to stop the violence before it happens. Garbarino makes clear that this in not a "them" problem, it is all of our concerns.
June 25, 2008
I read this for an Adolescent Male Development class. I wasn't as impressed as the professor lead me to believe I would be. I definitely would recommend Raising Cain to anyone raising a young boy. It is a must read. This was good for some preliminary "flip through" data but that was about it.
October 10, 2012
I will never forget this book. I came across it in my mothers books when I was very young, and started to read it. This is the book that introduced me to psychology and lit the spark of my undying passion for the field.
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August 19, 2020What an eye opener.
Universal practical tips on how to assist these boys, even from the womb of their mothers.
Very applicable to our South African context.
An excellent read for my manuscript on fatherless boys
Thank you Dr. Garbarino!
Universal practical tips on how to assist these boys, even from the womb of their mothers.
Very applicable to our South African context.
An excellent read for my manuscript on fatherless boys
Thank you Dr. Garbarino!
July 8, 2017
Intense ? What are self destructive impulses in young males ? Would legalizing marijuana lower the drug lord crime statistics as so many of our youngest generation claim? Why are males still at high risk for crimes when there are alternatives ? When I stumbled across the phrase "suicide by cop" I was surprised. A term used by journalist and police to denote the act of provoking a confrontation with the intent to be killed .
Could the confrontation be de-escalated ?And how does a socially toxic environment become neutralized ? Ever since I entered the urban classroom equipped with hopes and dreams of a more powerful less violent future for my students I have searched for the best strategies to calm their frustrations . Right now we are at a pivotal moment in history, war, poverty and prejudice perhaps have yet to generate an alternative to so many broken promises and opportunities-Anger , riots , insults, confusion and cultural clashes have led to global divisions! -A lost boy is a lost possibility and a promise broken and how will this impact geo-industry ! sahnbct2018
Could the confrontation be de-escalated ?And how does a socially toxic environment become neutralized ? Ever since I entered the urban classroom equipped with hopes and dreams of a more powerful less violent future for my students I have searched for the best strategies to calm their frustrations . Right now we are at a pivotal moment in history, war, poverty and prejudice perhaps have yet to generate an alternative to so many broken promises and opportunities-Anger , riots , insults, confusion and cultural clashes have led to global divisions! -A lost boy is a lost possibility and a promise broken and how will this impact geo-industry ! sahnbct2018
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September 13, 2007I had this book for my Juvenile Delinquency class at LVC. I only skimmed through enough to keep up with the class, but it did provide some interesting info on why boys become violent and how to try to stop the vicious cycle that breeds violent children. I'm looking forward to reading the book cover to cover.
August 26, 2008
Ok...so I only read 5 pages and decided I wasn't ready for another book like this after just finishing up grad school. maybe later. It seemed to be rather research driven.
February 13, 2009
THis was really interesting and I look forward to utilizing this at work. It solidified many of the practices we use and encouraged me to continue trying!
November 23, 2009
Sad, but good intake of what can and does happen...
February 25, 2018
Pertinent today
Though the statistics may be old, the content isn’t. I like that the book addresses change not just in one or two areas, but looks at communities and society as a whole in having a responsibly in creating a non-toxic social environment. In today’s society and political climate, it will be an uphill battle but the research bares out considering. Learned a lot.
Though the statistics may be old, the content isn’t. I like that the book addresses change not just in one or two areas, but looks at communities and society as a whole in having a responsibly in creating a non-toxic social environment. In today’s society and political climate, it will be an uphill battle but the research bares out considering. Learned a lot.
October 23, 2022
It was hard for me to follow along sometimes. Maybe I wasn't in the right head space to read this.
I would definitely read again, this is the kind of book where more layers come out every read.
Loved the personal stories in the middle of the statistics and analysis. A refreshing look on the other side and the mentality of aggressive boys.
I would definitely read again, this is the kind of book where more layers come out every read.
Loved the personal stories in the middle of the statistics and analysis. A refreshing look on the other side and the mentality of aggressive boys.
February 6, 2025
very intriguing views and approaches to understanding youth violence. the author was super knowledgeable and insightful. i’d be super interested in reading the same book with updated studies and statistics since this came out 25 years ago, but the topics discussed were still very applicable to today’s world too
August 7, 2017
Garbarino tells the stories of several young boys in the justice system and unravels how they got there. An important contribution to the literature about crime and how it happens.
July 24, 2018
This book has some very good information. It does seem to emphasize spiritual development. I wonder if some of these young men prison are offered gangs or religion as coping mechanisms.
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November 27, 2024Read this book for class
December 16, 2018
Though LOST BOYS is an old book, it still offers a rather timeless examination of the social, psychological, and environmental factors that turn boys violent. Part sociological investigation, part philosophical treatise, James Garbarino’s stories, scientific presentation of facts, and hopeful stance that all lost boys can be found is not to be missed by those who come in contact with boys—which is to say: all of us. Thought-provoking, wise, and optimistic.
April 14, 2007
One of those rare required books that's actually insightful.
Want to read
September 13, 2007interesting topic
May 20, 2008
The psycological and phisical impact of violence,neglect & abandonment on children's development. Its influence on children adult behavior. Temperament & social factors considered
April 7, 2009
Every parent of a boy should read this book.
July 22, 2009
Read for class; pretty interesting look at how social and familial problems can combine and leave children vulnerable.
Currently reading
September 25, 2011Knew of this book through the Gang Prevention Training at Seattle University where one of the speaker was Dr. James Garbarino himself.
April 18, 2014
Really informative and opened my eyes on how to deal with troubled youth, specifically boys. It's a shame that our solution is just to lock them up, and forget.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews