123 MAGIC by THOMAS W PHELAN (8-Dec-2014) Paperback

by Thomas W Phelan

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook

Paperback

Reviews

[Lindsay Robbins · Rating 2 out of 5]

I will start by saying that the strategy of 123 magic is actually a really good one. However, It was hard to get through the author's demeaning writing. He constantly refers to children as "annoying" and reminds you that by using the strategy, you will get kids "to do what you want" and you'll "be able to enjoy them again" as if they're little dolls meant to serve you.

He also tells you throughout the book to make sure you don' argue back (great advice), show no emotion when kids are acting up (super solid advice), and don't ever explain yourself or let your kids tell you how they feel or why (not great advice). I agree that explaining yourself or trying to talk reason into the kids is not appropriate during a tantrum, but it is important to listen to your kids and have heartfelt conversations later (he specifically tells you not to do this later), and make sure that your kids feel heard while also understanding boundaries and why they're there.

His advice about locking children in a room for timeout while they kick and scream makes me want to call the police on him. He even notes that this is illegal in some places. God forbid there was a fire... He relies heavily on timeouts (which many studies have proved just make kids better liars and more resentful), but he does offer many examples of "timeout alternatives" which is what I use if my kids get to a three.

As I said, though, this actually is a great strategy of counting (why it's not a 1 star review), and used with reasonableness and compassion, it definitely works. I read the novel "How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen" (which should be called "How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk" because that's really what it's about), and with those parenting strategies and the the 123 method, you could have boundaries and compassion.

[Bastione · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not actually a fan of the 123 method even after reading the book and giving it a good rating. To me it sounds like a way.You'll give yourself the headache of letting your kid disobey twice before you hold them accountable. However the good news is teaching the need and methods to hold them accountable. I feel like there is so much to learn about what to expect and how to teach it in this book that it's probably a good read anyways. Much of it I knew, but agreed with and two or three things I hadn't thought through and appreciated the opportunity to do so! Like, for example, thinking through behaviors you want to stop vs behaviors you want to start differently. And helped cement in the idea i recently picked up from an older mom that discussing behaviors during problem times is just adding to the drama.

[Genine Franklin-Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do not like self-help books. That said, I was mighty impressed by this one. My niece recommended it to my daughter, mother of an 8 year old son, to whom she cannot say no. And she must do so, and soon, if he is to be the good human being he can be.

[Marissa Hesterman · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 stars. This book gave some really great information on disciplining children with “stop behaviors”, reinforcing and motivating “start behaviors”, and gave good ideas to have a better relationship with your child overall. I think the 1, 2, 3 method is really easy and can help you be a better parent overall. The book repeats the same points over and over to really reinforce the idea. This book could have been 1/2 the length if you took that out but it wasn’t bad.

I am not sure if this method works yet because I haven’t tried it but it has given me some really great guidelines with disciplining. A couple of things were really surprising to me and helped me understand the child’s point of view better.

Overall, I think this book was really easy to understand. The author made his points in a simple and applicable way. I would recommend this book.

[Katie Gee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Routines.
Counting to 3 with a pregnant pause. Consequence without lecturing. Wait until their tantrums die down before giving time outs. Go straight to 3 if their behavior is dangerous.
To discourage lying, don’t corner: say what you want him to tell you about X experience but not now, in 15 minutes so they can’t think. Just remind them that you’ve already talked to their teacher, etc. avoid lectures.
Dinner: eat 3/4 foods on plate. 1:1 dinners.
Avoid lectures.
If you do allowances, have kids pay you for doing their undone chores.
Avoid lectures.
Whatever isn’t cleaned up by timer goes into the drum until X time next day.
Avoid lectures. Avoid raised voices.
No parental temper tantrums: no talking. No emotions.
Avoid spontaneous requests.
When they persist, you stay quiet.
90% fun, bonding, sympathetic listening & praise. 10% discipline.
Avoid lectures.

[Brooke Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the 6th Edition and really like it. I like that it got straight to the point with no long-winded dialogue about how parent behaviours have negative effects on kids. Easy to implement techniques, straight to the point.

I had a good laugh at some of the language used at times as it reads very old-timey. I had my doubts at first but once I got to part 2, I was sold.

There were definitely some aspects that were a little extreme for me - holding a door closed forcibly while the child screamed? 😬😬 That's a no from me, but there were alternatives suggested for the more extreme recommendations.

[Donna Lancaster · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book over 15 years ago, and it was easy to understand and implement. I am reviewing it now, because I thought of it recently. This method is very effective, if you stick with it, and keep emotion out of it when possible (easier said than done, I know!) Do not “over-explain” yourself (this is the hardest for me.) We used this methods on our 3 children, and they turned out fine, so far… I think! Our kids were generally well-behaved as a result, and we are considered stricter than most of the other parents, because we set boundaries and clear expectations. Even now, they still know we are not pushovers.

[Jess Schmeltzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audio book and it was recommended to me by many people. I would say it’s ok. The parenting style is not from a Christian perspective so I as I was listening I had to keep that in mind. I like the idea of the discipline strategies and I definitely can see it working but I’m not sure if it’s something we are going to try. A big strategy in the book is counting/giving warnings in order for them to stop a behavior but at the end of the day I can’t get over how that is delayed obedience.

[David T · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't argue with your kids. Manage behavior without getting angry. This was an exciting method at first but became un-managable. Focuses too much on last resort when all other methods fail. Instead of focusing on the all other methods. Very easy to use "breaks" and rewards to try and manipulate your child instead of teaching lessons and trying to get activities to be enjoyable in and of themselves. Read Playful Parenting instead.

[Kylie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a very strong-willed child and 1-2-3 magic has definitely helped me. I am a talker and constantly tried to reason with my toddler. This strategy helped me get more in line with my partner and now we are more consistent. However, the “real-life” scenarios all read as fictional, which made for added fluff that could have been cut. I also did not like how the author used the “men are stupid just have them watch the dvd version.”

[Queen · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I like the premise of the stop procedure. Because it’s just another warning system. I don’t really get the “start procedures.” A chart and schedule don’t really address the majority of directions one must give a child…you can’t chart or schedule/routine everything. So I think there’s a bit of a gap there. I’ll take the gems and fill in the blanks with other techniques

[Alicia Horn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very simple & easy to read. Was able to skim through most of the book and get the general concept. We use the counting for our daughter and it works pretty well as a straight discipline strategy. I wish there was a bit more of an emotional regulation piece though. Some of the cartoons and examples were a bit silly, but I know it’s an older book. Good easy parenting read.

[Helen Hawersaat · Rating 3 out of 5]

I mean, it’s a parenting book, so inherently not super thrilling. Very practical and helpful and sane though!

[Brittni Widdick · Rating 5 out of 5]

We've been following this for a couple of months now and it's been extremely helpful.

[Kylee Irvine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any parent struggling with discipline or difficult to discipline children I highly recommend!

[Claudia PMH · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a big help! I will recommended this to anyone that is having a little trouble getting to your child without going crazy.

[Brienne Denton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book incredibly helpful. It really pushes connection and empathy while still holding boundaries with your kids in a safe, non traumatic way.

[Liz Arrigo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Couldn’t finish this one, it was too repetitive. Good content, but could have been shorter and I just couldn’t get past the robotic writing style

[Kelli Bonin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A life changing parenting book, even after being a parent for 10 years. This technique is sure to work on any child.

[Mads Burg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book didn’t necessarily give me new discipline ideas, but it did give me the confidence to be consistent with my discipline. I recommend this to all new parents.

[Alex Maslow · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an educator one of the best parenting books I've ever read

[Amelia Byers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book will be more helpful as my child gets older. I was able to learn some tips on ways to start disciplining now, but he is still very little. I will re-read in a couple of years.

[Brandi Pappas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good skills to learn when parenting and avoiding yelling and traumatic behavior.

[Lauren Gnagy]

Effectiveness TBD, will have to rate in a few years

[Lacey Spruce · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t know why I read these kind of books when I’m just gonna do what I want to do anyway.

[Jlnelso · Rating 5 out of 5]

I prefer this over Dr. Becky's Good Inside. It's much more practical and realistic.

[Jennifer Curati · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good tools given to try with children that are throwing tantrums, being obnoxious, not listening, and hitting. Can’t wait to try the advice.