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Paperback
First published November 10, 2015
My sweet little dog, Tess, is what they call "apricot." She has tiny blue eyes, almond-shaped and set close together like Barbra Streisand's, and the prettiest little dog vagina. I spent twenty minutes examining and marveling at it once with my best friend, Dayna, before she had a boyfriend and we spent a lot of our time together appreciating Tess. Dayna is a biologist, which gave the experience a legitimizingly clinical spirit. It's a tidy, quarter-inch slit in a pinky-tip protuberance of skin, delicate and irrelevant and veiled with fine, apricot hair. Tess rolled over and spread out happily, trustingly, for us; she lives almost pathetically for love, for attention, like a quivering heroine from some 50s romance novel. She also lives for food and naps, but mostly for Ball.This is both high quality and highly bizarre writing.