In a word... dogshit.
I read Rachel Harrison's The Return earlier this year and liked it well enough, so I jumped into Such Sharp Teeth without knowing a single thing about it other than it has a beautiful, badass cover.
Here's what I would have wanted to know going in:
This book is like 85% romance plus a ton of family and personal drama. Only like 15% of this is a werewolf story. This is a cozy, feel good book with cool girls who like talking about boys, dating boys, reminiscing about boys, going out with boys, going out with girls to drink and talk about boys, encouraging each other to date and kiss boys, sharing cigarettes while sharing secrets about boys...
::barf::
So don't totally trust my review without first knowing that I hate all of these things. I loathe romance. I particularly hate women whose identities revolve around their relationships with men. I hate cute dialogue and banter. I hate fluffy, not-scary "horror". And yeah, it's fine to like those things, but personally, I'd rather be slapped by Edward Scissorhands than hang out with women like the characters in this book.
It seems like a lot of people like this one, but I hated just about every second of it. I should have DNFd Such Sharp Teeth and filed it in the "not for me" drawer. However, I decided it would cover the "read a cozy book" task for the winter reading challenge and pushed through.
I really had a problem with how quickly Rory accepts her werewolfness and how little it impacted her life. I mean, it really only seems to be a problem for her because she's worried about what the boy she's dating will think about it.
There are scenes where Rory's ravenously hungry and eats rotisserie chickens in bed and little comments about how bad she smells and how good her hair looks. Other than that, being a werewolf is definitely a background issue here. The primary focus of this story is Rory's romance with Ian.
Rory and Ian's thing is that they were friends as kids, and he's been schoolboyishly in love with her since the 6th grade. So, when Rory moves back to her small town to help her sister who's pregnant, they run into each other and, would ya know, sparks fly. Barf, but ok. Except the two can't seem to communicate effectively. I didn't find their chemistry hot or sexy because Rory's behavior and thoughts are so juvenile. She acts and thinks like a teenager most of the time, despite being 29 (I think) and that just didn't sit right with me.
One of the biggest plot points here is that some girl at the bar mentions "seeing" Ian and, instead of talking to him about it, Rory first makes out with some dude behind a dumpster, then blows Ian off like a petty, pouting 15-year-old. Wtf?
I hate it when romantic couples are pulled apart for some arbitrary reason just because the plot is "better" for it. So of course, there is this pseudo-redemptive moment where they come back together to kiss and make up. Yuck. Also, why is this nonsense one of the main plot points of this narrative when she's a goddamn werewolf??
Speaking of the main plot, there really is no plot here. I thought for sure the main focus of the story would be Rory researching werewolfism and trying to find the one who bit her to cure herself. No, that would have taken focus away from the romance and family drama. Instead, the climax of the plot seems to culminate in two events: Rory's sister having the baby and Rory revealing her were-self to Ian.
Excuse me??
No, I did not read all of that cutesy bullshit only for the big moment to be Rory seeking acceptance from A MAN, did I????? Barf, again! And then this villain character shows up kinda late in the story, and the twist with them was telegraphed so obnoxiously, it wasn't hard to see it from a mile away.
My last complaint here is that, when I Google what genre this book is, this is what comes up: horror fiction, thriller, supernatural fiction. Lies!! All lies!! This book should be filed in the romance section. There is a little bit of body horror here, but not even close to enough for a horror tag to be pinned to the top. Nobody dies in this book, and we all live happily ever after. No thanks to that!
So yeah, I hated Such Sharp Teeth, but mostly because this kind of book just isn't for me. If I wanted to be fair, I should probably rate this three stars, but I'm a grumpy, old witch and I can't. So much of this book made my skin crawl that I can't help but rate it 1 out of 5 stars.
You might like this if you like: cozy romance between white, middle-class heterosexuals, cheesy dialogue, and feel good endings.