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Disobedient Women: How a Small Group of Faithful Women Exposed Abuse, Brought Down Powerful Pastors, and Ignited an Evangelical Reckoning
A NATIONAL BESTSELLER!
Journalist Sarah Stankorb outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of expression, and resources for deeply researching and reporting on powerful church figures—allowed women to begin dismantling the false authority of evangelical communities that had long demanded their submission.
A generation of American Christian girls was taught submitting to men is God’s will. They were taught not to question the men in their families or their pastors. They were told to remain sexually pure and trained to feel shame if a man was tempted. Some of these girls were abused and assaulted. Some made to shrink down so small they became a shadow of themselves. To question their leaders was to question God.
All the while, their male leaders built fiefdoms from megachurches and sprawling ministries. They influenced politics and policy. To protect their church’s influence, these men covered up and hid abuse. American Christian patriarchy, as it rose in political power and cultural sway over the past four decades, hurt many faithful believers. Millions of Americans abandoned churches they once loved.
Yet among those who stayed (and a few who still loved the church they fled), a brave group of women spoke up. They built online megaphones, using the democratizing power of technology to create long-overdue change.
In Disobedient Women, journalist Sarah Stankorb gives long-overdue recognition for these everyday women as leaders and as voices for a different sort of faith. Their work has driven journalists to help bring abuse stories to national attention. Stankorb weaves together the efforts of these courageous voices in order to present a full, layered portrait of the treatment of women and the fight for change within the modern American church.
Disobedient Women is not just a look at the women who have used the internet to bring down the religious power structures that were meant to keep them quiet, but also a picture of the large-scale changes that are happening within evangelical culture regarding women’s roles, ultimately underscoring the ways technology has created a place for women to challenge traditional institutions from within.
Journalist Sarah Stankorb outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of expression, and resources for deeply researching and reporting on powerful church figures—allowed women to begin dismantling the false authority of evangelical communities that had long demanded their submission.
A generation of American Christian girls was taught submitting to men is God’s will. They were taught not to question the men in their families or their pastors. They were told to remain sexually pure and trained to feel shame if a man was tempted. Some of these girls were abused and assaulted. Some made to shrink down so small they became a shadow of themselves. To question their leaders was to question God.
All the while, their male leaders built fiefdoms from megachurches and sprawling ministries. They influenced politics and policy. To protect their church’s influence, these men covered up and hid abuse. American Christian patriarchy, as it rose in political power and cultural sway over the past four decades, hurt many faithful believers. Millions of Americans abandoned churches they once loved.
Yet among those who stayed (and a few who still loved the church they fled), a brave group of women spoke up. They built online megaphones, using the democratizing power of technology to create long-overdue change.
In Disobedient Women, journalist Sarah Stankorb gives long-overdue recognition for these everyday women as leaders and as voices for a different sort of faith. Their work has driven journalists to help bring abuse stories to national attention. Stankorb weaves together the efforts of these courageous voices in order to present a full, layered portrait of the treatment of women and the fight for change within the modern American church.
Disobedient Women is not just a look at the women who have used the internet to bring down the religious power structures that were meant to keep them quiet, but also a picture of the large-scale changes that are happening within evangelical culture regarding women’s roles, ultimately underscoring the ways technology has created a place for women to challenge traditional institutions from within.
383 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 8, 2023
67 people are currently reading
3995 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
August 4, 2023
The content of this book is incredibly important. The stories that Stankorb has collected deserve to be heard, especially in the wake of the systematic silencing many of the victims have faced. It is critical that the Church (however you personally define that) reckon with these histories. I sincerely hope that this book is also a beacon to other survivors that you are not alone, what was done to you was wrong, and it was not of God.
Please note that these histories are often incredibly graphic, and sometimes suddenly so. The major content warnings being for sexual assault/abuse, and religious/spiritual abuse.
Overall, I think this is bouncing between a 3 and a 3.5 for me. I felt like this needed a few more editing passes; the needle being thread between personal memoir and journalism was not always done well. It bogs down and disrupts the flow of the narrative and was occasionally confusing. (I want to hear Stankorb's story, too, it just wasn't integrated very well.) Inconsistently referring to people by first name or last name often made tracking the narrative difficult, and the insertion of personal observation at the end paragraphs or as a transition sometimes felt juvenile/was distracting; almost like Stankorb forgot what tone she was going for. I often found the phrasing to also be hard to follow - There were quite a few times I had to stop and read sentences out loud to parse what she was trying to say.
There were a few moments that were also cringe/uncomfortable, like when Stankorb mentions there is a woman with the worst abuse history she's ever heard that wasn't interested in talking with Stankorb and there's an odd comment about how she's heard this woman "is trying to move on." There's another moment where Stankorb describes an interviewee as "a reporters dream" that just felt a little off to me. There are also a few moments where Stankorb inserts her anecdotal observations at the tail end of stats from studies that kind of make it seem like her observations are as solid/factual as the studies, and just other odds and ends that didn't sit 100% right, but I assume were made in good faith and not intentionally trying to be misleading. Some more editing would have probably helped these points be better communicated.
All in all, if you have the mental/emotional bandwidth to hear some difficult stories I think this is a very valuable read for those in or adjacent to Christian spaces; especially if you in a position of power, and especially if you are male.
Thank you to Worthy Publishing for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Please note that these histories are often incredibly graphic, and sometimes suddenly so. The major content warnings being for sexual assault/abuse, and religious/spiritual abuse.
Overall, I think this is bouncing between a 3 and a 3.5 for me. I felt like this needed a few more editing passes; the needle being thread between personal memoir and journalism was not always done well. It bogs down and disrupts the flow of the narrative and was occasionally confusing. (I want to hear Stankorb's story, too, it just wasn't integrated very well.) Inconsistently referring to people by first name or last name often made tracking the narrative difficult, and the insertion of personal observation at the end paragraphs or as a transition sometimes felt juvenile/was distracting; almost like Stankorb forgot what tone she was going for. I often found the phrasing to also be hard to follow - There were quite a few times I had to stop and read sentences out loud to parse what she was trying to say.
There were a few moments that were also cringe/uncomfortable, like when Stankorb mentions there is a woman with the worst abuse history she's ever heard that wasn't interested in talking with Stankorb and there's an odd comment about how she's heard this woman "is trying to move on." There's another moment where Stankorb describes an interviewee as "a reporters dream" that just felt a little off to me. There are also a few moments where Stankorb inserts her anecdotal observations at the tail end of stats from studies that kind of make it seem like her observations are as solid/factual as the studies, and just other odds and ends that didn't sit 100% right, but I assume were made in good faith and not intentionally trying to be misleading. Some more editing would have probably helped these points be better communicated.
All in all, if you have the mental/emotional bandwidth to hear some difficult stories I think this is a very valuable read for those in or adjacent to Christian spaces; especially if you in a position of power, and especially if you are male.
Thank you to Worthy Publishing for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
December 8, 2024
This is an absolutely fascinating examination of the ways patriarchal evangelical cultures harm women. It’s a sweeping journalistic narrative that delves into subcultures like the IBLP cult (the ministry TV’s Duggar family are involved in) and the stay-at-home daughter movement, as well as more mainstream manifestations of Christian patriarchy like True Love Waits virginity pledges and modesty standards.
I grew up in a similar church culture to the author, part of a mainline denomination but involved with evangelical pop culture and ministries, so I really related to the things that surprised her and those that didn’t. I liked the way she seamlessly weaved her personal narrative into the book.
But my favourite part of this book was that it was focused on women who are speaking out and making waves. Some of them remain people of faith, others do not, but they embody the spirit of the Jesus who turned over tables in the ways they are boldly fighting injustice. These women were a joy to get to know, and it’s a testament to the author’s journalistic skills that she was able to draw out their stories in such a sensitive and moving way.
I highly, highly recommend this one.
I grew up in a similar church culture to the author, part of a mainline denomination but involved with evangelical pop culture and ministries, so I really related to the things that surprised her and those that didn’t. I liked the way she seamlessly weaved her personal narrative into the book.
But my favourite part of this book was that it was focused on women who are speaking out and making waves. Some of them remain people of faith, others do not, but they embody the spirit of the Jesus who turned over tables in the ways they are boldly fighting injustice. These women were a joy to get to know, and it’s a testament to the author’s journalistic skills that she was able to draw out their stories in such a sensitive and moving way.
I highly, highly recommend this one.
August 2, 2023
When girls are taught "Biblical womanhood" equates with purity and submission, they are trained to feel responsible for protecting men from their allegedly God-ordained sexual appetites—dress modestly, avoid front-to-front hugs, vow virginity until marriage—but also obliged to yield to authority figures: their pastors, fathers, men. Through one lens, they are delicate, precious. But through another, easy prey. (loc. 870*)
For decades, the Southern Baptist Convention has been a conservative stronghold in the US, holding firm to a patriarchal view of religion. Think purity culture, think fighting against marriage equality, think forbidding women to preach. And think sexual abuse: for decades, the SBC covered up abuse by leaders and more generally men in the church, blamed women (and girls) for men's crimes, and told survivors over and over again that their voices were not to be heard.
Not all women listened. And it's that story that Stankorb documents in Disobedient Women: sometimes it started with a blog post, and sometimes with a tweet, but over the years a growing number of decided that it was time for something to change. They started sharing their stories, swapping information, and building databases of the men the church had, again and again, protected from the consequences of their crimes.
If you're familiar with the IBLP (think: the Duggar family, Bill Gothard, and the recent docuseries Shiny Happy People) and the way it has contributed to change in the American religious landscape, a lot of this will feel familiar. Stankorb did not grow up directly in it, but she felt the reverberations in her own upbringing, and her research is meticulous. This is not a book about religion or faith—it's about one of the ways that religion has been used to mask grabs for power and to abuse those with less power. I'm fascinated by the points Stankorb makes about blogs and social media doing things that traditional journalism could not:
Wartburg Watch covered the extreme theologies of popular pastors and broke abuse cases journalists couldn't touch. It is immensely difficult for journalists to get editorial approval on a story about sex abuse allegations without charges; it requires deep fact-checking, a willing editor, and a publication taking on potential liability risk. But reporters have more readily covered the fact of a blog post making such claims, and in this way, Parsons helped create an end-around for getting media coverage of the stories she worked to corroborate. (loc. 1160)
Eventually, these voices added up, reaching a critical mass loud enough that they could no longer be ignored. And yet this can only be the beginning: Over the course of these years that started with reporting on the bloggers and then following my sources' advocacy on social media, writes Stankorb, the countermovement for reform has changed shape too. This book, in many ways, represents a snapshot in time. Much as the reckoning begun with those in this book has rocked the church, in other ways, a needed shake-up is only beginning (loc. 3125).
This is one of many recent books that are continuing that shake-up, and it's a good one to have on your shelves.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.
For decades, the Southern Baptist Convention has been a conservative stronghold in the US, holding firm to a patriarchal view of religion. Think purity culture, think fighting against marriage equality, think forbidding women to preach. And think sexual abuse: for decades, the SBC covered up abuse by leaders and more generally men in the church, blamed women (and girls) for men's crimes, and told survivors over and over again that their voices were not to be heard.
Not all women listened. And it's that story that Stankorb documents in Disobedient Women: sometimes it started with a blog post, and sometimes with a tweet, but over the years a growing number of decided that it was time for something to change. They started sharing their stories, swapping information, and building databases of the men the church had, again and again, protected from the consequences of their crimes.
If you're familiar with the IBLP (think: the Duggar family, Bill Gothard, and the recent docuseries Shiny Happy People) and the way it has contributed to change in the American religious landscape, a lot of this will feel familiar. Stankorb did not grow up directly in it, but she felt the reverberations in her own upbringing, and her research is meticulous. This is not a book about religion or faith—it's about one of the ways that religion has been used to mask grabs for power and to abuse those with less power. I'm fascinated by the points Stankorb makes about blogs and social media doing things that traditional journalism could not:
Wartburg Watch covered the extreme theologies of popular pastors and broke abuse cases journalists couldn't touch. It is immensely difficult for journalists to get editorial approval on a story about sex abuse allegations without charges; it requires deep fact-checking, a willing editor, and a publication taking on potential liability risk. But reporters have more readily covered the fact of a blog post making such claims, and in this way, Parsons helped create an end-around for getting media coverage of the stories she worked to corroborate. (loc. 1160)
Eventually, these voices added up, reaching a critical mass loud enough that they could no longer be ignored. And yet this can only be the beginning: Over the course of these years that started with reporting on the bloggers and then following my sources' advocacy on social media, writes Stankorb, the countermovement for reform has changed shape too. This book, in many ways, represents a snapshot in time. Much as the reckoning begun with those in this book has rocked the church, in other ways, a needed shake-up is only beginning (loc. 3125).
This is one of many recent books that are continuing that shake-up, and it's a good one to have on your shelves.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*I read an ARC, and quotes may not be final.
August 23, 2023
Fascinating accounting of what some (too many) have experienced at the hands of those they trusted, within their churches and families, and how they found their voices and each other to raise a resounding ruckus that needed to be raised. Knowing these betrayals are all too prevalent is almost enough to turn a person into a reclusive and suspicious hermit. I have to remind myself that, while they seem to be the norm, they really aren't and it's my faith in others that keeps me plugging along in ugly realities. While it's hard to have your nose held to this kind of stink, it's important to recognize those who brave the backlash so that others might find the courage and insight to turn against such abhorrent treatment and indoctrination. Kudos to those who pointed a light into the dark corners of spiritual and physical abuse, and may that help others find their way.
I did learn more about how some denominations promote and require women to be so completely subservient to males that they are in a prime position to be abused in multiple ways. It's hard for me to believe this kind of thinking still exists in today's world.
I did learn more about how some denominations promote and require women to be so completely subservient to males that they are in a prime position to be abused in multiple ways. It's hard for me to believe this kind of thinking still exists in today's world.
October 27, 2023
A triggering, but necessary read. If you know about IBLP or watched Shiny Happy People recently, then some of these stories will be familiar to you, as they were to me. But somehow hearing them here (I listened to the audio version) made them so much more impactful vs through the documentary (also, not everyone got enough screen time).
But because there are so many stories, by so many different people, I think it actually benefitted me that I watched the documentary first, because it could get jumpy.
This book was very well written, but it made me so angry at how all of these men were able to hold positions of power for so long, despite what they were doing behind closed doors. And some still are!!! It's disgusting and disturbing.
I'd like to say thank you to the survivors for sharing their stories with the world and helping take some of these evil predators down. I'm so proud of them, it couldn't have been easy, and yet they did it anyway.
Please read this book.
But because there are so many stories, by so many different people, I think it actually benefitted me that I watched the documentary first, because it could get jumpy.
This book was very well written, but it made me so angry at how all of these men were able to hold positions of power for so long, despite what they were doing behind closed doors. And some still are!!! It's disgusting and disturbing.
I'd like to say thank you to the survivors for sharing their stories with the world and helping take some of these evil predators down. I'm so proud of them, it couldn't have been easy, and yet they did it anyway.
Please read this book.
August 2, 2023
"Disobedient Women" tells the story of how women and girls were abused in faith environments, the inability and unwillingness of those institutions to do what was right, and how these victims reclaimed their voices and demanded justice. I couldn't put the book down during my first read. I was familiar with some of the accounts having run across them previously in my search to try to understand why the church ignores abuse. But having these stories in one book amplified the heinousness of the crimes and the similarities:
- Teachings that instill unquestioning submission to male authority figures.
- The threat of damnation if one doesn't comply.
- Members who genuinely want to please God.
- An environment that is isolating and "us vs. them."
- Unchecked and entitled authoritarianism with no accountability.
- The abuser and the institution taking precedence over the victim in the name of protecting "God's" work.
The stories are tragic and left me shaken with grief and anger. These things should not be! But these are also stories of courageous women who would not stay silent and spoke up for righteousness and justice in spite of opposition from professing believers.
Speaking to fellow Christians, we need to stop ignoring abuse and enabling abusers in our midst. We need to stop caring about "shiny, happy" appearances and do the work of justice and mercy for the least of these. The reckoning has started. Will our response be doubling down or repentance?
This is why I strongly recommend "Disobedient Women." It's a wake up call that the church needs right now.
(I received an advanced reader copy from the publisher.)
- Teachings that instill unquestioning submission to male authority figures.
- The threat of damnation if one doesn't comply.
- Members who genuinely want to please God.
- An environment that is isolating and "us vs. them."
- Unchecked and entitled authoritarianism with no accountability.
- The abuser and the institution taking precedence over the victim in the name of protecting "God's" work.
The stories are tragic and left me shaken with grief and anger. These things should not be! But these are also stories of courageous women who would not stay silent and spoke up for righteousness and justice in spite of opposition from professing believers.
Speaking to fellow Christians, we need to stop ignoring abuse and enabling abusers in our midst. We need to stop caring about "shiny, happy" appearances and do the work of justice and mercy for the least of these. The reckoning has started. Will our response be doubling down or repentance?
This is why I strongly recommend "Disobedient Women." It's a wake up call that the church needs right now.
(I received an advanced reader copy from the publisher.)
June 29, 2023
Women are second-class citizens, objects, vessels for men’s use. If you disagree—you’ve not been paying attention.
—-
It’s obvious to me Sarah Stankorb is a journalist’s journalist: a thorough researcher who garners the trust of her subjects and maintains it over weeks (months! Years!). What she’s been able to produce, here, with Disobedient Women is as impressive as it is chilling.
Many who stumble upon my non-fiction reviews may doubtless see a theme. Borne from curiosity and a never ending stream of questions, my Brain Crawls (what I call the process of asking myself a question and going on a quest for full(er) understanding) have recently taken a religio-political bend. I set out years ago to understand the bastardization of politics in religion (or religion in politics works too) and found, sadly, an inextricable link between the Conservative Right and religion. That is to say, the religious right are no longer hiding their ultimate goals: a Christian nation whereby all who live here must submit to their brand of religion.
Sarah Stankorb’s important book looks at this phenomenon from its near inception. The use of Christian homeschooling and church-adjacent indoctrination to this end. A Christian nation as “god” imagined, faithfully adhering to biblical texts.
But there’s a problem with this ideology. If you happen to be female.
Here is the thesis of this crucial companion to the most recent Brain Crawl: if Christians have their way, are able to create a biblically based nation, women will doubtless suffer.
Disobedient Women spotlights several women’s stories with various angles to the Christian Nation agenda: homeschool horror stories; brutal subjugation; rape; incest; Church-sanctioned coverups; intersectionality struggles; education of girls and women writ large; pop culture indoctrination; marriage and traditional roles; work life; and more.
The through line is this: in a Christian nation, women are secondary, afterthoughts, vessels to be used however men chose, vessels to hold blame and guilt for men who chose to use them (abuse them). But the horrors of these stories is not a bug…Stankorb contends it’s a feature.
—Homeschools designed for two purposes: create warriors of their teachings (debate-ready and fully indoctrinated); provide the foundational teachings that underpin the Christian Nationalist agenda. The moral here is women are not needed for their intellectual aspirations.
—Women and young girls who are submissive (fully, and it all ways) to men.
—Women who desire not education and careers (that’s the devil, folks!) but honest work…at home, with all things domestic.
—Women who do not tempt men but if they do (I say this ironically) know it was their fault and they alone should hold the he blame and guilt for it. After all, the worldview championed by the Christian right is one where women are not as important as men. (Don’t hate the messenger…)
Stankorb writes of abuse, dysfunction, coverups, guilt, anger, confusion, loneliness and some glimmers of hope.
With sadness, Stankorb laments faith being twisted for these abusive purposes and wonders where the church goes next. How it can reconcile its teachings with the true, lived-in suffering of its female followers. There are no easy answers here. Just more questions, and so my braid crawl continues…
Thank you to publisher for ARC in exchange for my review.
—-
It’s obvious to me Sarah Stankorb is a journalist’s journalist: a thorough researcher who garners the trust of her subjects and maintains it over weeks (months! Years!). What she’s been able to produce, here, with Disobedient Women is as impressive as it is chilling.
Many who stumble upon my non-fiction reviews may doubtless see a theme. Borne from curiosity and a never ending stream of questions, my Brain Crawls (what I call the process of asking myself a question and going on a quest for full(er) understanding) have recently taken a religio-political bend. I set out years ago to understand the bastardization of politics in religion (or religion in politics works too) and found, sadly, an inextricable link between the Conservative Right and religion. That is to say, the religious right are no longer hiding their ultimate goals: a Christian nation whereby all who live here must submit to their brand of religion.
Sarah Stankorb’s important book looks at this phenomenon from its near inception. The use of Christian homeschooling and church-adjacent indoctrination to this end. A Christian nation as “god” imagined, faithfully adhering to biblical texts.
But there’s a problem with this ideology. If you happen to be female.
Here is the thesis of this crucial companion to the most recent Brain Crawl: if Christians have their way, are able to create a biblically based nation, women will doubtless suffer.
Disobedient Women spotlights several women’s stories with various angles to the Christian Nation agenda: homeschool horror stories; brutal subjugation; rape; incest; Church-sanctioned coverups; intersectionality struggles; education of girls and women writ large; pop culture indoctrination; marriage and traditional roles; work life; and more.
The through line is this: in a Christian nation, women are secondary, afterthoughts, vessels to be used however men chose, vessels to hold blame and guilt for men who chose to use them (abuse them). But the horrors of these stories is not a bug…Stankorb contends it’s a feature.
—Homeschools designed for two purposes: create warriors of their teachings (debate-ready and fully indoctrinated); provide the foundational teachings that underpin the Christian Nationalist agenda. The moral here is women are not needed for their intellectual aspirations.
—Women and young girls who are submissive (fully, and it all ways) to men.
—Women who desire not education and careers (that’s the devil, folks!) but honest work…at home, with all things domestic.
—Women who do not tempt men but if they do (I say this ironically) know it was their fault and they alone should hold the he blame and guilt for it. After all, the worldview championed by the Christian right is one where women are not as important as men. (Don’t hate the messenger…)
Stankorb writes of abuse, dysfunction, coverups, guilt, anger, confusion, loneliness and some glimmers of hope.
With sadness, Stankorb laments faith being twisted for these abusive purposes and wonders where the church goes next. How it can reconcile its teachings with the true, lived-in suffering of its female followers. There are no easy answers here. Just more questions, and so my braid crawl continues…
Thank you to publisher for ARC in exchange for my review.
September 6, 2023
Wow. I don't even know where to start with this one. This one hurts. What a somber read. Crime, especially against children and those within the supposed stewardship of the aggressor, should never ever go unreported. Unprosecuted. Or covered up.
I'm not sure if there are any churches that haven't had such allegations made against those in charge......but I do know that this predator/perp behavior is not of God. And I liked that this book spoke out and gave a needed voice against the abuse. I hope women and youth read this one so that they will know that abuse in the name of GOD is still abuse. It is NOT okay. It is criminal.
I'm just grateful that many did know just that very thing and that they didn't keep it hidden because their experiences can serve as a warning to others. Their voices, banned together, will have a wider reach.
This was probably 4 stars for me, but I added a star because this was well written and because this message needs to be heard.
I'm not sure if there are any churches that haven't had such allegations made against those in charge......but I do know that this predator/perp behavior is not of God. And I liked that this book spoke out and gave a needed voice against the abuse. I hope women and youth read this one so that they will know that abuse in the name of GOD is still abuse. It is NOT okay. It is criminal.
I'm just grateful that many did know just that very thing and that they didn't keep it hidden because their experiences can serve as a warning to others. Their voices, banned together, will have a wider reach.
This was probably 4 stars for me, but I added a star because this was well written and because this message needs to be heard.
December 8, 2023
Disobedient Women gathers the stories of women standing up against high-control religious systems within the worlds of fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity and sub- or quasi-Christian groups. For the first time, to my knowledge, these individual movements that preceded #MeToo are written about in one book. Stankorb discusses Bill Gothard/IBLP; Homeschoolers Anonymous/Homeschool Alumni Reaching Out; Sovereign Grace Ministries/Churches; the Southern Baptist Convention; and more. Often, Stankorb traces the founders of the blogs and the first people to speak out.
Stankorb writes as a longtime journalist who has been investigating these stories for years. In many cases, she has been in contact with subjects for years, interviewing them over long periods of their lives. She also spends a bit of time searching out the interior workings of groups like HA and HARO. Implosions resulted in those networks when the same patterns of ideological purity and authoritarianism emerged, just with different values than the communities people had been trying to escape. It gets messy--since it’s internet-era it’s all message boards, DMs, tweets, emails--but Stankorb manages to tell a coherent story.
I wish Stankorb had explored her title a bit more than she did. Obviously, the “disobedience” is toward leaders and parents who wanted to live outside the law, handle abusers “internally,” and otherwise go against the whole counsel of Scripture and the Lord’s promise to avenge sexual exploitation (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). Yet, in each story, I noticed how Stankorb’s subjects obeyed their consciences. I felt that was a thread Stankorb left hanging. High-control religious systems tell followers to not trust their consciences, but to follow imposed rules. Many of Stankorb’s interviewees found freedom once they listened to their consciences to tell the truth, abandoning institutions and leaders that called lying righteous.
This is not the first (nor likely the last) book on this subject that I’ll read. After reading Born Again by James Ault, I have high expectations for emotional distance when authors explore subjects they dislike (or even despise), and Stankorb does pretty well here. Leave it to the trustworthy reader to draw emotional conclusions. However, for someone like her who has multiple degrees in religious studies, I expected better definitions of the worlds she explored and the beliefs referenced by her interview subjects. She shoves everything under the umbrella of “evangelical,” for instance, when some of the groups would reject that label and self-identify as “fundamentalist.” She takes care to explain a few basic tenets of the Sovereign Grace network, but elsewhere leaves theological terms undefined. I’m sure plenty of people outside the Christian world will pick this book up, and those lacunae can lead to confusion. In one instance, Stankorb begins a chapter by discussing conservative Catholic movements in one paragraph, then completely dropping that thread (picked up for what reason? Just to mention Amy Coney Barrett and never mention her again?) and talking about Sovereign Grace (101). Other than references to The Boston Globe’s 2002 Spotlight revelations (which is mentioned in more detail here than in the entire book), Catholicism hardly merits a mention. Why Stankorb didn’t excise that section on a re-read, and why her editor allowed it to pass, I do not know.
As other reviewers have mentioned, Stankorb also weaves her personal story through the book. Though these passages are well-written and interesting, tonally they clash with the book. Stankorb attended church in her youth and was abused by her alcoholic father, but her experiences are just not part of the world she is investigating. She was not in a high-control religious environment, was not home schooled, was not abused by church authorities, and her youth group wasn’t even caught up in purity culture. The main part of the book is well-cited, journalistic, often structured around longitudinal interviews. The tones are just so different. I think a tighter introduction and conclusion about Stankorb’s personal history with religion and familial abuse would have wrapped up the book more neatly, and I also think Stankorb could write a memoir about her experiences.
I am glad this book exists. It’s handy to have a single book telling these stories, a place to point folks who are wondering what is going on. Disobedient Women also functions as an exploration of how the early days of public internet usage allowed people who were otherwise isolated to find one another, form groups, and speak out.
Stankorb writes as a longtime journalist who has been investigating these stories for years. In many cases, she has been in contact with subjects for years, interviewing them over long periods of their lives. She also spends a bit of time searching out the interior workings of groups like HA and HARO. Implosions resulted in those networks when the same patterns of ideological purity and authoritarianism emerged, just with different values than the communities people had been trying to escape. It gets messy--since it’s internet-era it’s all message boards, DMs, tweets, emails--but Stankorb manages to tell a coherent story.
I wish Stankorb had explored her title a bit more than she did. Obviously, the “disobedience” is toward leaders and parents who wanted to live outside the law, handle abusers “internally,” and otherwise go against the whole counsel of Scripture and the Lord’s promise to avenge sexual exploitation (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). Yet, in each story, I noticed how Stankorb’s subjects obeyed their consciences. I felt that was a thread Stankorb left hanging. High-control religious systems tell followers to not trust their consciences, but to follow imposed rules. Many of Stankorb’s interviewees found freedom once they listened to their consciences to tell the truth, abandoning institutions and leaders that called lying righteous.
This is not the first (nor likely the last) book on this subject that I’ll read. After reading Born Again by James Ault, I have high expectations for emotional distance when authors explore subjects they dislike (or even despise), and Stankorb does pretty well here. Leave it to the trustworthy reader to draw emotional conclusions. However, for someone like her who has multiple degrees in religious studies, I expected better definitions of the worlds she explored and the beliefs referenced by her interview subjects. She shoves everything under the umbrella of “evangelical,” for instance, when some of the groups would reject that label and self-identify as “fundamentalist.” She takes care to explain a few basic tenets of the Sovereign Grace network, but elsewhere leaves theological terms undefined. I’m sure plenty of people outside the Christian world will pick this book up, and those lacunae can lead to confusion. In one instance, Stankorb begins a chapter by discussing conservative Catholic movements in one paragraph, then completely dropping that thread (picked up for what reason? Just to mention Amy Coney Barrett and never mention her again?) and talking about Sovereign Grace (101). Other than references to The Boston Globe’s 2002 Spotlight revelations (which is mentioned in more detail here than in the entire book), Catholicism hardly merits a mention. Why Stankorb didn’t excise that section on a re-read, and why her editor allowed it to pass, I do not know.
As other reviewers have mentioned, Stankorb also weaves her personal story through the book. Though these passages are well-written and interesting, tonally they clash with the book. Stankorb attended church in her youth and was abused by her alcoholic father, but her experiences are just not part of the world she is investigating. She was not in a high-control religious environment, was not home schooled, was not abused by church authorities, and her youth group wasn’t even caught up in purity culture. The main part of the book is well-cited, journalistic, often structured around longitudinal interviews. The tones are just so different. I think a tighter introduction and conclusion about Stankorb’s personal history with religion and familial abuse would have wrapped up the book more neatly, and I also think Stankorb could write a memoir about her experiences.
I am glad this book exists. It’s handy to have a single book telling these stories, a place to point folks who are wondering what is going on. Disobedient Women also functions as an exploration of how the early days of public internet usage allowed people who were otherwise isolated to find one another, form groups, and speak out.
August 1, 2023
Disclosure: I was provided a free copy of this book from the publisher, in exchange for a fair and honest review.
A thorough and detailed accounting of the vicious and pernicious sexual abuse within various evangelical denominations, and the courageous women who "nevertheless, persisted." I was both horrified and heartened by it. Will it shame those who need shaming, or change anyone's behavior? I honestly don't know; many of these men seem Teflon-coated (much like the Cheetoh-in-Chief who bragged about grabbing women by the you-know-what). The stories told here are, sadly, not unique and I have no doubt that things like this are still going on. But for that very reason, it seems to me this is a deeply necessary book: these horrors should NOT be hidden, and those who hid or enabled or excused or covered for them need to be publicly called out for their shocking callousness.
I did have a few quibbles with the book that prevented me from giving it five stars, though. First, and most importantly, I think the stories told here warrant a much stronger and more unequivocal condemnation of the evangelical teaching that women ought to be subservient to men. The book is unsparing in its condemnation of the men who did these awful deeds, and it does point out how the subservience inculcated in evangelical girls makes it incredibly difficult for them to even recognize that they've been abused, let alone report it and get justice. But it misses the opportunity to take on the broader, more central issue: this teaching doesn't just cripple women by making them believe that whatever happens to them is their own fault; it attracts men with the tendency or desire to abuse power and it actively encourages men in the idea that they're entitled to use women. In short, by its very nature, this teaching sets the stage for abuse and even provides the script. It's basically targeted marketing towards sexual predators. It's pretty clear that in any denomination that holds this view, physical and sexual abuse of women isn't an anomaly -- it's a natural consequence, an unavoidable corollary.
Two minor nitpicks: (1) The story arcs are sometimes a little hard to follow, partly because many of the women are referred to only by first name and partly because the narrative circles back around several times, revisiting people, organizations, lawsuits, websites, and so on. It would have been easier to follow if each chapter had been more self-contained and tightly focused. It also would have been *really* helpful if the book had an index, for when you run into person X and can't remember where they were mentioned before! (2) The author imports her personal/family background more than seems warranted, since hers have more to do with an alcoholic parent than with evangelical Christian teachings. I don't mean to minimize Stankorb's pain or personal journey (I have known children of alcoholics and it's devastating), but it doesn't seem to integrate well with the subject of the book.
All in all I would definitely recommend this book to anyone interested in an accounting of how easy it is for evangelical men to abuse their women, and how incredibly hard it is to get justice when abuse is treated as a sin rather than a crime.
Thank you to Worthy Books for the opportunity to read and review.
A thorough and detailed accounting of the vicious and pernicious sexual abuse within various evangelical denominations, and the courageous women who "nevertheless, persisted." I was both horrified and heartened by it. Will it shame those who need shaming, or change anyone's behavior? I honestly don't know; many of these men seem Teflon-coated (much like the Cheetoh-in-Chief who bragged about grabbing women by the you-know-what). The stories told here are, sadly, not unique and I have no doubt that things like this are still going on. But for that very reason, it seems to me this is a deeply necessary book: these horrors should NOT be hidden, and those who hid or enabled or excused or covered for them need to be publicly called out for their shocking callousness.
I did have a few quibbles with the book that prevented me from giving it five stars, though. First, and most importantly, I think the stories told here warrant a much stronger and more unequivocal condemnation of the evangelical teaching that women ought to be subservient to men. The book is unsparing in its condemnation of the men who did these awful deeds, and it does point out how the subservience inculcated in evangelical girls makes it incredibly difficult for them to even recognize that they've been abused, let alone report it and get justice. But it misses the opportunity to take on the broader, more central issue: this teaching doesn't just cripple women by making them believe that whatever happens to them is their own fault; it attracts men with the tendency or desire to abuse power and it actively encourages men in the idea that they're entitled to use women. In short, by its very nature, this teaching sets the stage for abuse and even provides the script. It's basically targeted marketing towards sexual predators. It's pretty clear that in any denomination that holds this view, physical and sexual abuse of women isn't an anomaly -- it's a natural consequence, an unavoidable corollary.
Two minor nitpicks: (1) The story arcs are sometimes a little hard to follow, partly because many of the women are referred to only by first name and partly because the narrative circles back around several times, revisiting people, organizations, lawsuits, websites, and so on. It would have been easier to follow if each chapter had been more self-contained and tightly focused. It also would have been *really* helpful if the book had an index, for when you run into person X and can't remember where they were mentioned before! (2) The author imports her personal/family background more than seems warranted, since hers have more to do with an alcoholic parent than with evangelical Christian teachings. I don't mean to minimize Stankorb's pain or personal journey (I have known children of alcoholics and it's devastating), but it doesn't seem to integrate well with the subject of the book.
All in all I would definitely recommend this book to anyone interested in an accounting of how easy it is for evangelical men to abuse their women, and how incredibly hard it is to get justice when abuse is treated as a sin rather than a crime.
Thank you to Worthy Books for the opportunity to read and review.
October 25, 2023
To hold someone who isn't trying to follow Jesus to the same standard as someone trying to follow Jesus is folly. I make this disclaimer as much for myself as for the reader.
This book sets out to chronicle the pattern of abuse by evangelical church leaders of young congregants in the past thirty years, and the ultimate use of online platforms to reveal those crimes later on down the road. It's loosely set in the frame story of the author's own unrelated experience of abuse by her father, probably in an attempt to explain the motivation for an atheist to dig into this particular string of crimes. Stankorb explains that she gave her heart to God as a child but left the faith later in as an adult, so the angle she addresses is chiefly that of the "ex-vangelical:" those who have been grievously harmed by someone in the church and walked away from God because of it. It reads very much like Stankorb wrote an extended news article, ended up with too much material and, buying into the sunk cost fallacy over the amount of time and investment that went into the scoop, just went whole-hog to turned it into a book. (She talks about multiple sources she has years worth of text threads with over this issue, and years of trawling Twitter and online forums for abuse survivors and their stories.)
No doubt this is a difficult topic to tackle: hundreds (and possibly thousands) of children and young adults have been abused by clergy and other church authorities through recent decades, and their pain must be handled with respect and delicacy. But in efforts to explain what made these children vulnerable or why the families stayed, Stankorb swerves way out of her lane to detail (read: criticize and tear down) evangelical culture in the nineties and aughts. Although admitting ignorance of the entire movement and culture in her own life, she nevertheless relies on the accounts of former members alone to provide a picture of things like homeschooling (pictured usually when children are taught nothing but a religion class and home economics for girls, all while locked in a windowless storage closet), purity culture (pictured usually where someone who had been abused is treated as being worthless and ruined for her future husband), modesty culture (pictured in some variation of leering male church members pushing females to cover themselves on account of their helplessness against their own lust), and Sunday school (pictured usually as a laughably simplistic message given to put women and girls in their place beneath men who are given cart blanche dominance in every respect) to name a few.
These things can become harmful in the wrong hands, but she affords absolutely no balanced perspective on what they are intended for or how they are intended to function in the right hands. I had to laugh when she talked about the Novacom story arc of Adventures in Odyssey featuring mind control as evidence that evangelical leaders were out of their heads imagining the evils of the world and its attempts to brainwash children who dared to think for themselves (read: reject Christian teachings.) It reads as though Stankorb believes that it is these things (and a belief in the inerrancy of Scripture, for which she holds a great contempt) are in themselves the cause of abuse, molestation, rape, and pedophilia, and not merely the tools of broken and sinful people who are not embodying Christ.
All in all, I can't expect more from someone who is actively moving away from God and running towards the world and its wisdom. Again, I need that disclaimer/reminder more than anyone. It just feels like such an odd story, out of anything, to tell for this author, and/or, such an odd author, out of anyone, to tell this story.
CW: somewhat graphic accounts of sexual abuse, rape, child abuse
This book sets out to chronicle the pattern of abuse by evangelical church leaders of young congregants in the past thirty years, and the ultimate use of online platforms to reveal those crimes later on down the road. It's loosely set in the frame story of the author's own unrelated experience of abuse by her father, probably in an attempt to explain the motivation for an atheist to dig into this particular string of crimes. Stankorb explains that she gave her heart to God as a child but left the faith later in as an adult, so the angle she addresses is chiefly that of the "ex-vangelical:" those who have been grievously harmed by someone in the church and walked away from God because of it. It reads very much like Stankorb wrote an extended news article, ended up with too much material and, buying into the sunk cost fallacy over the amount of time and investment that went into the scoop, just went whole-hog to turned it into a book. (She talks about multiple sources she has years worth of text threads with over this issue, and years of trawling Twitter and online forums for abuse survivors and their stories.)
No doubt this is a difficult topic to tackle: hundreds (and possibly thousands) of children and young adults have been abused by clergy and other church authorities through recent decades, and their pain must be handled with respect and delicacy. But in efforts to explain what made these children vulnerable or why the families stayed, Stankorb swerves way out of her lane to detail (read: criticize and tear down) evangelical culture in the nineties and aughts. Although admitting ignorance of the entire movement and culture in her own life, she nevertheless relies on the accounts of former members alone to provide a picture of things like homeschooling (pictured usually when children are taught nothing but a religion class and home economics for girls, all while locked in a windowless storage closet), purity culture (pictured usually where someone who had been abused is treated as being worthless and ruined for her future husband), modesty culture (pictured in some variation of leering male church members pushing females to cover themselves on account of their helplessness against their own lust), and Sunday school (pictured usually as a laughably simplistic message given to put women and girls in their place beneath men who are given cart blanche dominance in every respect) to name a few.
These things can become harmful in the wrong hands, but she affords absolutely no balanced perspective on what they are intended for or how they are intended to function in the right hands. I had to laugh when she talked about the Novacom story arc of Adventures in Odyssey featuring mind control as evidence that evangelical leaders were out of their heads imagining the evils of the world and its attempts to brainwash children who dared to think for themselves (read: reject Christian teachings.) It reads as though Stankorb believes that it is these things (and a belief in the inerrancy of Scripture, for which she holds a great contempt) are in themselves the cause of abuse, molestation, rape, and pedophilia, and not merely the tools of broken and sinful people who are not embodying Christ.
All in all, I can't expect more from someone who is actively moving away from God and running towards the world and its wisdom. Again, I need that disclaimer/reminder more than anyone. It just feels like such an odd story, out of anything, to tell for this author, and/or, such an odd author, out of anyone, to tell this story.
CW: somewhat graphic accounts of sexual abuse, rape, child abuse
June 14, 2023
I could write SO much about this book. I was raised under Bill Gothard’s cult. I grew up watching Doug Wilson “evolve” into a very dangerous man.
I am a Christian who has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is only by His grace that I remained strong.
The Bible has the truth. However, man takes and twists so many parts of it. Part of deconstruction is relearning God’s Word. We are ALL made in God’s image and worth more than just popping out kids. God cannot make mistakes about our gender.
Marriage is supposed to be partners facing life together!
Complementarianism aids and abets abuse. However I don’t see women preachers in the Bible.
I’m really sick of the hatred for Trump. The lies about January 6. Video footage shows the truth…It is the left who is driving racism, CRT, and rewriting history. Wokeism is destroying America.
We are a divided nation. Either you are a socialist trying to destroy America or you are a twisted conservative who is a bigot. There is a LOT in between that are Patriot Americans trying to save our nation.
I am a Christian who has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is only by His grace that I remained strong.
The Bible has the truth. However, man takes and twists so many parts of it. Part of deconstruction is relearning God’s Word. We are ALL made in God’s image and worth more than just popping out kids. God cannot make mistakes about our gender.
Marriage is supposed to be partners facing life together!
Complementarianism aids and abets abuse. However I don’t see women preachers in the Bible.
I’m really sick of the hatred for Trump. The lies about January 6. Video footage shows the truth…It is the left who is driving racism, CRT, and rewriting history. Wokeism is destroying America.
We are a divided nation. Either you are a socialist trying to destroy America or you are a twisted conservative who is a bigot. There is a LOT in between that are Patriot Americans trying to save our nation.
February 11, 2025
I'm all about hearing abuse stories from within the church and the women who expose them, but I had a really hard time with the writing of this book. The author interjected her own story throughout the book which had very little to do with evangelical sexual and spiritual abuse. Some of her sentences were written strangely and I had to reread them multiple times to understand what she was saying. There were a couple of typos which an editor should have caught. At one point I read the phrase "Reform Christians" and I'm pretty sure she meant Reformed??? This is what editors are for! Anyway, the content is important but I felt that the writing almost distracted from that.
September 5, 2023
This three-star rating is due to the book’s execution, not its subject matter. This is a serious topic that demands attention; Stankorb succeeds in sharing survivors’ fact-checked stories, revealing patterns of systemic spiritual, physical, and sexual abuse in evangelical Christian institutions. The book is not clearly organized, however, and it flits between people, time periods, and Stankorb’s own coming-of-age anecdotes often enough to be confusing.
August 11, 2023
4.5 ⭐️
I’m eating up everything that helps me now, as an adult, explain and expose my childhood. This book, like Jesus and John Wayne by Kristen Kobes du Mez, really weaves together the threads of men like Gothard, Dobson, and Wilson who have done so much damage to Christian women and children through their authoritarian teachings.
I’m eating up everything that helps me now, as an adult, explain and expose my childhood. This book, like Jesus and John Wayne by Kristen Kobes du Mez, really weaves together the threads of men like Gothard, Dobson, and Wilson who have done so much damage to Christian women and children through their authoritarian teachings.
September 21, 2023
This book is a dire reminder about what happens to young girls in religious communities that are taught to keep sweet, pray, and obey.
December 9, 2023
This book had so much potential and talks about important subjects but it was all over the place. It’s called get an editor and organize your book.
September 2, 2023
This is a book full of stories, stories that include lots of names.
Some of these names belong to people who were, or still are, powerful church leaders. As someone who worked in ministry for nearly two decades, I have seen a lot of these names before. Thankfully, most of them are part of a fringe of evangelical christianity I never had interest in even when I was an evangelical. Though a few of them were more mainstream. Whether megachurch pastors and denominational leaders with thousands, even millions, of followers or pastors and youth pastors of churches with just a few dozen, their names are included in this book because they have done horrific, evil things. They have committed sexual abuse or covered up sexual abuse.
The other names in this book belong to those who courageously spoke out against these powerful figures. These survivors demonstrate courage, though unlike the abusers they speak against, few were or are well-known. A few became so as they spoke out. Thankfully, I read some of these stories on some of the blogs when they were first coming out in the last number of years.
I reflect on these the names because, to be honest, this book made me incredibly angry at times. It might be the first book I made a note, more than one actually, using the f-word. I admittedly cuss from time to time, though rarely use that particular word (I mean, I can’t even type it!). But the stories in this book drew this anger out of me. Men like Doug Wilson, CJ Mahaney, Paige Patterson and so many others who use their faith to gain power, promote the idea women ought to submit to men and then cover up the abuse that inevitably followers.
Generations of girls in evangelical circles were (are still, in some places) taught their sole duty as women is to have babies and that their job as wives is to submit to their husbands in all things. The stories are horrific. One women, as a teen, was in a situation with her youth pastor who asked her to perform sexual acts on him. She knew nothing but to submit to the men in her life. The only thing worse is the aftermath as the church does not see this as abuse, but sees her as a seductress.
Another reason this book makes me angry is that many of these men are still wielding power. Though the percentage of evangelical Christians shrinks, they grasp for power through support of predators such as Trump.
The author, Sarah Stankorb, does a masterful job in telling these stories. She weaves her own story into the mix. It’s a well-read book that demands to be read, for we must never forget the crimes of these men.
The book ends on a note of hope, as Sarah briefly shares updates, a sort of “where are they now” of many of the women. May we remember their names - Jules Woodson, Rachel Denhollander, Julie Ann Smith and so many more. As angry as much of the book made me, their courage ought to inspire us.
Before I go, I will share one long quote that illustrates both the hypocrisy of the evangelical right and the situation we still find ourselves in on a nationwide, political level. It’s about two pages of the book but I think it is worth sharing. Some of the names listed here - Franklin Graham - have never been accused of abuse nor have they have covered up abuse in churches. Yet in supporting someone like Trump for president, they are justifying abuse (among other things) in the name of getting power. There is a cancer deep inside the white evangelical Christian right and I am not sure if it can ever be removed. It cannot be saved so hopefully more will just leave and let the whole thing die (#EmptythePews).
“In 2016, many evangelical leaders who had taught young girls they were tempting boys into sin with front-hugs or premarital kissing appeared to develop politically motivated moral amnesia. With the promise of a president who would nominate Supreme Court justices to help overturn Roe v. Wade and other major culture war precedents, major evangelical leaders fell in line with the thrice-married socialite Donald Trump
.
The Access Hollywood tapes leaked, with Trump's voice: "I did try to fuck her. She was married." And "You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful-I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything." And "Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."
Christian political advocate Ralph Reed, founder of the Faith and Freedom Coalition, waved off the tapes, saying what mattered more to voters of faith was "who will protect unborn life, defend religious freedom, create jobs, and oppose the Iran nuclear deal. s Tony Perkins, head of the Family Research Council, said his support of Trump had never been about shared values, but rather, Supreme Court justices, "America's continued vulnerability to Islamic terrorists," and an alleged "systemic attack on religious liberty.
Jerry Falwell Jr. blamed the Republican establishment for the leaked tape, and while he wouldn't defend Trump's language, Falwell also stated, "We're all sinners, every one of us. We've all done things we wish we hadn't.”
Franklin Graham, president of Samaritan's Purse and the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, posted on Facebook that "Trump and Clinton's scandals might be news for the moment, but who they appoint to the Supreme Court will remake the fabric of our society for our children and our grandchildren, for generations to come."
In both the 2016 and 2020 elections, Trump carried over 80 percent of the white, evangelical Christian vote.62 There was probably no more important time for outsiders to learn from and understand people who had been raised inside communities that sought to assert their influence over the presidency and thereby the Supreme Court. They knew how a God-endowed sense of authority could justify abuse, how mistrust of secular government extended to controls over education, how women were raised to be subject to men, and how threads of a white, Christian national myth had been fused with faith to such a degree that the political power of white Christians was viewed by a segment of America as the fulfillment of God's will” (172-174).
I received a free copy of this book for purpose of review.
Some of these names belong to people who were, or still are, powerful church leaders. As someone who worked in ministry for nearly two decades, I have seen a lot of these names before. Thankfully, most of them are part of a fringe of evangelical christianity I never had interest in even when I was an evangelical. Though a few of them were more mainstream. Whether megachurch pastors and denominational leaders with thousands, even millions, of followers or pastors and youth pastors of churches with just a few dozen, their names are included in this book because they have done horrific, evil things. They have committed sexual abuse or covered up sexual abuse.
The other names in this book belong to those who courageously spoke out against these powerful figures. These survivors demonstrate courage, though unlike the abusers they speak against, few were or are well-known. A few became so as they spoke out. Thankfully, I read some of these stories on some of the blogs when they were first coming out in the last number of years.
I reflect on these the names because, to be honest, this book made me incredibly angry at times. It might be the first book I made a note, more than one actually, using the f-word. I admittedly cuss from time to time, though rarely use that particular word (I mean, I can’t even type it!). But the stories in this book drew this anger out of me. Men like Doug Wilson, CJ Mahaney, Paige Patterson and so many others who use their faith to gain power, promote the idea women ought to submit to men and then cover up the abuse that inevitably followers.
Generations of girls in evangelical circles were (are still, in some places) taught their sole duty as women is to have babies and that their job as wives is to submit to their husbands in all things. The stories are horrific. One women, as a teen, was in a situation with her youth pastor who asked her to perform sexual acts on him. She knew nothing but to submit to the men in her life. The only thing worse is the aftermath as the church does not see this as abuse, but sees her as a seductress.
Another reason this book makes me angry is that many of these men are still wielding power. Though the percentage of evangelical Christians shrinks, they grasp for power through support of predators such as Trump.
The author, Sarah Stankorb, does a masterful job in telling these stories. She weaves her own story into the mix. It’s a well-read book that demands to be read, for we must never forget the crimes of these men.
The book ends on a note of hope, as Sarah briefly shares updates, a sort of “where are they now” of many of the women. May we remember their names - Jules Woodson, Rachel Denhollander, Julie Ann Smith and so many more. As angry as much of the book made me, their courage ought to inspire us.
Before I go, I will share one long quote that illustrates both the hypocrisy of the evangelical right and the situation we still find ourselves in on a nationwide, political level. It’s about two pages of the book but I think it is worth sharing. Some of the names listed here - Franklin Graham - have never been accused of abuse nor have they have covered up abuse in churches. Yet in supporting someone like Trump for president, they are justifying abuse (among other things) in the name of getting power. There is a cancer deep inside the white evangelical Christian right and I am not sure if it can ever be removed. It cannot be saved so hopefully more will just leave and let the whole thing die (#EmptythePews).
“In 2016, many evangelical leaders who had taught young girls they were tempting boys into sin with front-hugs or premarital kissing appeared to develop politically motivated moral amnesia. With the promise of a president who would nominate Supreme Court justices to help overturn Roe v. Wade and other major culture war precedents, major evangelical leaders fell in line with the thrice-married socialite Donald Trump
.
The Access Hollywood tapes leaked, with Trump's voice: "I did try to fuck her. She was married." And "You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful-I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything." And "Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything."
Christian political advocate Ralph Reed, founder of the Faith and Freedom Coalition, waved off the tapes, saying what mattered more to voters of faith was "who will protect unborn life, defend religious freedom, create jobs, and oppose the Iran nuclear deal. s Tony Perkins, head of the Family Research Council, said his support of Trump had never been about shared values, but rather, Supreme Court justices, "America's continued vulnerability to Islamic terrorists," and an alleged "systemic attack on religious liberty.
Jerry Falwell Jr. blamed the Republican establishment for the leaked tape, and while he wouldn't defend Trump's language, Falwell also stated, "We're all sinners, every one of us. We've all done things we wish we hadn't.”
Franklin Graham, president of Samaritan's Purse and the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, posted on Facebook that "Trump and Clinton's scandals might be news for the moment, but who they appoint to the Supreme Court will remake the fabric of our society for our children and our grandchildren, for generations to come."
In both the 2016 and 2020 elections, Trump carried over 80 percent of the white, evangelical Christian vote.62 There was probably no more important time for outsiders to learn from and understand people who had been raised inside communities that sought to assert their influence over the presidency and thereby the Supreme Court. They knew how a God-endowed sense of authority could justify abuse, how mistrust of secular government extended to controls over education, how women were raised to be subject to men, and how threads of a white, Christian national myth had been fused with faith to such a degree that the political power of white Christians was viewed by a segment of America as the fulfillment of God's will” (172-174).
I received a free copy of this book for purpose of review.
September 20, 2023
This was such a well researched and comprehensive depiction of church abuse that I don't even know where to start. My favorite aspect was the variety of examples Stankorb pulled from, and because of this, her consistent theme that these are not isolated abuses. Too frequently, Christians try to deflect and scapegoat, claiming that those who abuse others are simply misrepresentations of Christianity. These refusals to accept the reality of systemic corruption only makes this work all the more needed. So few voices have been bold enough to call out Christianity as a whole. But these pervasive abuses are not the fault of the individuals who perpetuate, they are the fault of the system which made them into abusers. Stankorb so perfectly highlights that until the system is fixed, it will continue producing abusers.
One of the most gut wrenching quotes of the book illuminates what it is like for abuse victims to be a part of Christianity:
"Perhaps the thing worse than being wounded and alone is knowing that you are part of a community of wounded and that those you trusted with your soul knew and didn’t care enough to stop it for any of you. To help you heal.” (p.7)
More often than not, the deep value people place on the Christian mission compels them to put the preservation of Christianity above the preservation of Christians. Because of this, when people are abused, and especially when women are abused, the abuse is covered up. Children are beaten for hours to break their wills and align them with god. Girls are molested and raped by pastors, but never given the language to express their experiences. If they do attempt to articulate them, they are often ignored or shamed. Over and over again, this is not just an isolated event, but widespread silencing and intimidation for the sake of power consolidation.
Many Christians are encouraged to have more children so that they may overtake the world. These children are then exposed to catechisms and other Christian education which are used as tools of coercion. When you grow up learning that correct belief is simply the regurgitation of church sanctioned scripts, how could you be expected to ever question effectively as an adult?
Christians are taught to think of themselves as worthless to the point that when asked how they are doing, "better than I deserve" is a response which may earn treat cred. Children are exposed to intense violence and suffering through depictions of Jesus' suffering, hell, or historic persecution. This can cause profound trauma and guilt as Christian children are told that they are responsible.
Women are especially susceptible to adverse Christian messaging. "Womanhood" is used as a means of coercing obedience, giving women an ideal to strive for. This ideal, however, is only ideal from men as it is functionally endless submission to masculine authority. This is relabeled as positive and as a way to glorify god, and women who want to be accepted by their community must conform to these expectations. Even in egalitarian settings, these demand characteristics are still pervasive and seem to unconsciously influence people. Purity is one of the major factors of this, as the female body is spoken of as shameful, tempting, and ultimately a sexual object. This sort of shaming can cognitively incapacitate women, making them even more vulnerable to abuse. Is it any wonder that sexual abuse is so pervasive in Christianity? They literally train people to view women as objects to be taken advantage of. And then they train women that it is godly not to fight back.
Lastly, evangelism is spoken of in largely militant terms, highlighting that aggression is more often valued than love. Harm is considered to be permissible as long as it results in conversation. After all, that's what matters.
Overall, this was an excellent and much needed book. Stankorb's dedication to making space for those whose voices have been continously denied by the people who claim to love them is amazing. I'm hoping books like this continue to emerge and give people hope that life can exist beyond subservience to power hungry and abusive systems.
One of the most gut wrenching quotes of the book illuminates what it is like for abuse victims to be a part of Christianity:
"Perhaps the thing worse than being wounded and alone is knowing that you are part of a community of wounded and that those you trusted with your soul knew and didn’t care enough to stop it for any of you. To help you heal.” (p.7)
More often than not, the deep value people place on the Christian mission compels them to put the preservation of Christianity above the preservation of Christians. Because of this, when people are abused, and especially when women are abused, the abuse is covered up. Children are beaten for hours to break their wills and align them with god. Girls are molested and raped by pastors, but never given the language to express their experiences. If they do attempt to articulate them, they are often ignored or shamed. Over and over again, this is not just an isolated event, but widespread silencing and intimidation for the sake of power consolidation.
Many Christians are encouraged to have more children so that they may overtake the world. These children are then exposed to catechisms and other Christian education which are used as tools of coercion. When you grow up learning that correct belief is simply the regurgitation of church sanctioned scripts, how could you be expected to ever question effectively as an adult?
Christians are taught to think of themselves as worthless to the point that when asked how they are doing, "better than I deserve" is a response which may earn treat cred. Children are exposed to intense violence and suffering through depictions of Jesus' suffering, hell, or historic persecution. This can cause profound trauma and guilt as Christian children are told that they are responsible.
Women are especially susceptible to adverse Christian messaging. "Womanhood" is used as a means of coercing obedience, giving women an ideal to strive for. This ideal, however, is only ideal from men as it is functionally endless submission to masculine authority. This is relabeled as positive and as a way to glorify god, and women who want to be accepted by their community must conform to these expectations. Even in egalitarian settings, these demand characteristics are still pervasive and seem to unconsciously influence people. Purity is one of the major factors of this, as the female body is spoken of as shameful, tempting, and ultimately a sexual object. This sort of shaming can cognitively incapacitate women, making them even more vulnerable to abuse. Is it any wonder that sexual abuse is so pervasive in Christianity? They literally train people to view women as objects to be taken advantage of. And then they train women that it is godly not to fight back.
Lastly, evangelism is spoken of in largely militant terms, highlighting that aggression is more often valued than love. Harm is considered to be permissible as long as it results in conversation. After all, that's what matters.
Overall, this was an excellent and much needed book. Stankorb's dedication to making space for those whose voices have been continously denied by the people who claim to love them is amazing. I'm hoping books like this continue to emerge and give people hope that life can exist beyond subservience to power hungry and abusive systems.
January 13, 2024
4 rounded up because it’s important that we talk more about the amount of assault covered up in all the religious institutions. This was a bit long winded. Good for a skim and occasional deeper delve.
March 21, 2025
I am astounded at the way it seems the spirit has met me in this book. It wasn’t one that I thought would affect me as deeply as it has.
When all the power structures were aligned with locking arms to support credibly accused abusers, these women insisted on doing what they knew was right—no matter the personal cost.
I know we frequently quote the scripture that “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty.” And I feel like that’s exactly what we see here. It’s just that the people that are pursuing liberty and demonstrating the move of the spirit are the ones that the institutional church powers are most threatened by.
If you don’t want to hear details that you cannot un-hear about the particular ways that entire institutions have completely and continually botched credible accusations of abuse, this is probably a book to avoid.
Some particular institutions (key leaders) featured in this book:
Institutes in Basic Life Principles (Bill Gothard)
Sovereign Grace Ministries (CJ Mahaney / Joshua Harris)
Christchurch Moscow, ID (Douglas Wilson)
SBC and some specific SBC churches (Augie Boto, Ronnie Floyd, and many more)
I would say overall that the most jarring content was the SGM and Christchurch stuff, but that’s mainly because Gothard and the SBC have generated more headlines that I’ve seen (so I had more general familiarity with those).
I know this might seem like a strange book for me to view it so positively given the subject matter. But to me it’s because it shows that God can use surprising means to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable and to use the least of these to humble those who we might have initially perceived as strong.
When all the power structures were aligned with locking arms to support credibly accused abusers, these women insisted on doing what they knew was right—no matter the personal cost.
I know we frequently quote the scripture that “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty.” And I feel like that’s exactly what we see here. It’s just that the people that are pursuing liberty and demonstrating the move of the spirit are the ones that the institutional church powers are most threatened by.
If you don’t want to hear details that you cannot un-hear about the particular ways that entire institutions have completely and continually botched credible accusations of abuse, this is probably a book to avoid.
Some particular institutions (key leaders) featured in this book:
Institutes in Basic Life Principles (Bill Gothard)
Sovereign Grace Ministries (CJ Mahaney / Joshua Harris)
Christchurch Moscow, ID (Douglas Wilson)
SBC and some specific SBC churches (Augie Boto, Ronnie Floyd, and many more)
I would say overall that the most jarring content was the SGM and Christchurch stuff, but that’s mainly because Gothard and the SBC have generated more headlines that I’ve seen (so I had more general familiarity with those).
I know this might seem like a strange book for me to view it so positively given the subject matter. But to me it’s because it shows that God can use surprising means to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable and to use the least of these to humble those who we might have initially perceived as strong.
July 12, 2023
This read came at a time where I’ve gone deep into church abuse. I just watched the Hillsong documentary and the “Shiny Happy People” documentary focused on the Duggars. The latter is where I first heard of Bill Gothard and his teachings. While reading this book, I realized how much of his teachings I even grew up with. It permeates Christian culture and I had no idea.
I thoroughly appreciated that the writer gave voice to many victims of the church and abusive teachings. It’s no wonder so many people have left the faith - and why so many don’t want to even approach it. The only point of confusion was when it switched back and forth between the author’s background and all the victims’ stories. It got messy to remember who had what story because it was so chunky throughout.
Otherwise this was a great journalistic- approach to this theme. I wouldn’t recommend this book to those hurt by the church in similar ways though because it may open some wounds. Some descriptions were explicit.
I thoroughly appreciated that the writer gave voice to many victims of the church and abusive teachings. It’s no wonder so many people have left the faith - and why so many don’t want to even approach it. The only point of confusion was when it switched back and forth between the author’s background and all the victims’ stories. It got messy to remember who had what story because it was so chunky throughout.
Otherwise this was a great journalistic- approach to this theme. I wouldn’t recommend this book to those hurt by the church in similar ways though because it may open some wounds. Some descriptions were explicit.
July 16, 2023
Remember when blogs were the thing? In this case, they came around at just the right time to rescue women from a religious movement that corrupted the Christian faith and contributed to many of the injustices and warped politics we see today.
This is a well-documented history and perspective from someone who lived it and worked with so many women and others who suffered (and suffer) from it. It’s one of a string of books and documentaries that have surfaced lately showing just how bad things have gotten, but with hope too - people leaning on others and women showing courage and compassion and leadership.
Disclaimer: I was sent an advance copy of the manuscript by the publisher and was asked to read and review.
This is a well-documented history and perspective from someone who lived it and worked with so many women and others who suffered (and suffer) from it. It’s one of a string of books and documentaries that have surfaced lately showing just how bad things have gotten, but with hope too - people leaning on others and women showing courage and compassion and leadership.
Disclaimer: I was sent an advance copy of the manuscript by the publisher and was asked to read and review.
September 19, 2023
Important subject matter, but the author needed to decide if she was writing a memoir or a more journalistic/investigative book. The back-and-forth between the two styles and storylines was confusing at times and took away from what could have been a much better book.
June 29, 2023
This book needed to be written. With a renewed focus religious abuse with the advent of popular media like "Shiny Happy People" something this well researched and thought out is vital to the larger conversation. The author doesn't go for spectical, she simply tells grounded stories. The book feels like a beautiful balance of the cultural critique of "Jesus and John Wayne" and the personal narrative of "#Churchtoo" all written by an investigative open minded journalist. That being said please enjoy my below stream of consciousness review written as I read:
“Say Christians are 20 percent of the population. “If each Christian family had six children, and the humanists, feminists, and others kept on having an average of one…then in twenty years there would be sixty of us for every forty of them. In forty years 90 percent of America would be Christian!””
Woof…
Quiver-full theology: Instead of making disciples the old fashioned way, why don’t we just bang our way to the kingdom of heaven. Also, I love that the assumption is those babies you have are automatically going to grow up Christian. Christians are better and raising atheists than they are at raising Christians (statistically speaking at least).
“Headlines love hypocrites”
Hot diggity that line hits hard.
Is anyone still standing by Bill Gothard? If so, please tell me how?
Also wow, you forget how bad the SBC is, and then you read this book. The ole SBC you silly silly men.
Ahhhhhhh she brought up Calvin's Tulip. We’re only 20% of the way in.
I really appreciate that she doesn’t hesitate when connecting the abuse back to the theology.
She goes after James Dobson too. ✨accountability✨
I am not saying we shouldn't forgive Joshua Harris, but (like the rich young ruler) I think he may need to give away all of his possessions (blood money from 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'). Also, don't buy his snake oil it isn't even made with real snakes.
"Imagine the metaphysical implications of a pixy cut" gosh I think I like this book.
Gosh I am so so so happy that the author brought up Emily Joy Allison. She is a absolute badass and if you haven't read her book '#churchtoo' you absolutely need to. She is a prophet and her voice is so important.
“Say Christians are 20 percent of the population. “If each Christian family had six children, and the humanists, feminists, and others kept on having an average of one…then in twenty years there would be sixty of us for every forty of them. In forty years 90 percent of America would be Christian!””
Woof…
Quiver-full theology: Instead of making disciples the old fashioned way, why don’t we just bang our way to the kingdom of heaven. Also, I love that the assumption is those babies you have are automatically going to grow up Christian. Christians are better and raising atheists than they are at raising Christians (statistically speaking at least).
“Headlines love hypocrites”
Hot diggity that line hits hard.
Is anyone still standing by Bill Gothard? If so, please tell me how?
Also wow, you forget how bad the SBC is, and then you read this book. The ole SBC you silly silly men.
Ahhhhhhh she brought up Calvin's Tulip. We’re only 20% of the way in.
I really appreciate that she doesn’t hesitate when connecting the abuse back to the theology.
She goes after James Dobson too. ✨accountability✨
I am not saying we shouldn't forgive Joshua Harris, but (like the rich young ruler) I think he may need to give away all of his possessions (blood money from 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'). Also, don't buy his snake oil it isn't even made with real snakes.
"Imagine the metaphysical implications of a pixy cut" gosh I think I like this book.
Gosh I am so so so happy that the author brought up Emily Joy Allison. She is a absolute badass and if you haven't read her book '#churchtoo' you absolutely need to. She is a prophet and her voice is so important.
April 21, 2024
I'm gonna have to think about this.
I grew up with Vision Forum and NGJ Ministries, Focus on the Family and A Beka.
Gothard was not a name I knew, which is wild since I live in Indianapolis. However, the Gothard Umbrella of Authority model reached my family. We went to a home church for a while where we had to wear dresses and I felt weird wearing makeup. I think being told that I was a young woman who needed to remain under her father's authority has kept me from feeling like an adult. I never felt like I grew into my ability to make my own decisions. I never felt comfortable doing so.
My dad, I will say, never pressured me into staying at home, being a stay at home mother, marrying anyone. Because my father is sane, and not a control freak. But I was exposed to these ideologies as a young woman during formative years of my life, and I love rules. (I work in the law, y'all. I love rules.)
I was never sexually or physically abused by my parents or the adults in my conservative fundamentalist Christian evangelical homeschool circles. But I know people who were. This book would be extremely triggering for them to read.
For me, though, it felt validating. This is the world I was on the fringes of. This is the world that has, in many ways, still shaped the person I am today. And it feels really, really good to see someone call this abominable control of women exactly what it is.
I do recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand the effects the purity culture movement had on evangelical white women, especially white women in homeschooled or fundamentalist circles. It taught me where complementarianism came from! It's a good book, and an easy listen.
Total score: 5/5 stars
I grew up with Vision Forum and NGJ Ministries, Focus on the Family and A Beka.
Gothard was not a name I knew, which is wild since I live in Indianapolis. However, the Gothard Umbrella of Authority model reached my family. We went to a home church for a while where we had to wear dresses and I felt weird wearing makeup. I think being told that I was a young woman who needed to remain under her father's authority has kept me from feeling like an adult. I never felt like I grew into my ability to make my own decisions. I never felt comfortable doing so.
My dad, I will say, never pressured me into staying at home, being a stay at home mother, marrying anyone. Because my father is sane, and not a control freak. But I was exposed to these ideologies as a young woman during formative years of my life, and I love rules. (I work in the law, y'all. I love rules.)
I was never sexually or physically abused by my parents or the adults in my conservative fundamentalist Christian evangelical homeschool circles. But I know people who were. This book would be extremely triggering for them to read.
For me, though, it felt validating. This is the world I was on the fringes of. This is the world that has, in many ways, still shaped the person I am today. And it feels really, really good to see someone call this abominable control of women exactly what it is.
I do recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand the effects the purity culture movement had on evangelical white women, especially white women in homeschooled or fundamentalist circles. It taught me where complementarianism came from! It's a good book, and an easy listen.
Total score: 5/5 stars
August 14, 2023
I received a complimentary copy from the publisher and all opinions expressed are entirely my own.
This was a heart breaking and eye opening read on the role churches play also in society in the form of abuse of their members. The book is a conversation started of what happens when the people you trust to grow your faith become the cripplers of your faith. The book also tackled the homeschool movement and it was terrifying. I was sobbing for dear life when I read about the quivers and how childbirth almost destroyed a woman because of religion. The author did a wonderful job of research and investigating, Kudos to her for giving a voice to victims and it was heartbreaking that people have left their faith because of what happened to them.
This was a heart breaking and eye opening read on the role churches play also in society in the form of abuse of their members. The book is a conversation started of what happens when the people you trust to grow your faith become the cripplers of your faith. The book also tackled the homeschool movement and it was terrifying. I was sobbing for dear life when I read about the quivers and how childbirth almost destroyed a woman because of religion. The author did a wonderful job of research and investigating, Kudos to her for giving a voice to victims and it was heartbreaking that people have left their faith because of what happened to them.
December 27, 2023
I’m in tears as I finish this book! The church of men abuses women and children. Jesus died so that we could be free and whole and SAFE!! This is too often the exact opposite of “the church”!! Women and children are important! Women and children have value! I am proud of every woman and child who survives! I am proud of every woman and child who speaks up! May we support and love one another! Thank you for doing the hard work of speaking and writing and fighting!
October 21, 2023
When I picked up this book, I didn’t know that much of it would be set in my own backyard. Moscow, Idaho - we have a lot of changes to make.
This is worth your time. It’s difficult to read. It’s important to read.
This is worth your time. It’s difficult to read. It’s important to read.
December 5, 2023
Intense and very heavy, but so important to read and understand. The bravery of these women in coming forward is inspiring.
Please check the content warnings before reading.
Please check the content warnings before reading.
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