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The Gift Of Thanks
Margaret Visser is an original, one of the first writers to establish the art of narrative non-fiction in Canada. Her bestselling books, including The Rituals of Dinner and The Geometry of Love , masterfully explore the anthropology of everyday life, opening up the interconnected world that we otherwise might not see.
In The Gift of Thanks , Visser turns her keen eye and far-ranging scholarship to the act of gratitude, embodied in the deceptively simple phrase “thank you.” Those two words become a springboard for a fascinating inquiry into all aspects of gratitude, from how and why children are taught to give thanks, to the difference between speaking the words and feeling them. She examines the ways in which being grateful is understood in different cultures and how acts of reciprocation or rejection are treated in folklore, mythology and fiction. Thankfulness, when properly understood, is a choice and a source of happiness that can be cultivated.
In Margaret Visser’s hands, gratitude becomes a key to understanding the assumptions, hopes, preferences and fears that underlie everyday behaviour. She demonstrates that the North American habit of offering thanks to virtually anyone in almost any situation can be baffling—and even offensive—to someone with different cultural expectations. Reflecting on North American customs, she argues that our own notions of gratitude influence a wide range of traditions, such as the wrapping of gifts, the ritual of Remembrance Day ceremonies and even the exchange of compliments. With every page, The Gift of Thanks reveals a new and unexpected truth to ponder. Visser’s extraordinary insights into gratefulness will leave you both thankful and newly aware of the power of those two important words.
In The Gift of Thanks , Visser turns her keen eye and far-ranging scholarship to the act of gratitude, embodied in the deceptively simple phrase “thank you.” Those two words become a springboard for a fascinating inquiry into all aspects of gratitude, from how and why children are taught to give thanks, to the difference between speaking the words and feeling them. She examines the ways in which being grateful is understood in different cultures and how acts of reciprocation or rejection are treated in folklore, mythology and fiction. Thankfulness, when properly understood, is a choice and a source of happiness that can be cultivated.
In Margaret Visser’s hands, gratitude becomes a key to understanding the assumptions, hopes, preferences and fears that underlie everyday behaviour. She demonstrates that the North American habit of offering thanks to virtually anyone in almost any situation can be baffling—and even offensive—to someone with different cultural expectations. Reflecting on North American customs, she argues that our own notions of gratitude influence a wide range of traditions, such as the wrapping of gifts, the ritual of Remembrance Day ceremonies and even the exchange of compliments. With every page, The Gift of Thanks reveals a new and unexpected truth to ponder. Visser’s extraordinary insights into gratefulness will leave you both thankful and newly aware of the power of those two important words.
472 pages, Hardcover
First published August 22, 2008
22 people are currently reading
324 people want to read
About the author
Margaret Visser
14 books50 followersMargaret Visser writes on the history, anthropology, and mythology of
everyday life. Her most recent book is The Gift of Thanks, published by HarperCollins. Her previous books, Much Depends on Dinner, The Rituals of Dinner, The Way We Are, and The Geometry of Love, have all been best sellers and have won major international awards, including the Glenfiddich Award for Foodbook of the Year in Britain in 1989, the International Association of Culinary Professionals' Literary Food Writing Award, and the Jane Grigson Award. In 2002 she gave the Massey Lectures on CBC radio, subsequently published as the best-selling book, Beyond Fate. Her books have been translated into French, German, Dutch, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. She appears frequently on radio and television, and has lectured extensively in Canada, the United States, Europe, and Australia. She divides her time between Toronto, Paris, and South West France.
everyday life. Her most recent book is The Gift of Thanks, published by HarperCollins. Her previous books, Much Depends on Dinner, The Rituals of Dinner, The Way We Are, and The Geometry of Love, have all been best sellers and have won major international awards, including the Glenfiddich Award for Foodbook of the Year in Britain in 1989, the International Association of Culinary Professionals' Literary Food Writing Award, and the Jane Grigson Award. In 2002 she gave the Massey Lectures on CBC radio, subsequently published as the best-selling book, Beyond Fate. Her books have been translated into French, German, Dutch, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. She appears frequently on radio and television, and has lectured extensively in Canada, the United States, Europe, and Australia. She divides her time between Toronto, Paris, and South West France.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
February 5, 2017
RATING: 2.5 stars. Not just 2.
The truth is that I haven't actually finished this book. It was...fine. The main two themes of the book were as follows: a) a discussion of the many rituals surrounding the language and culture of thanking, gift-giving, apologies, gratitude and charity in different cultures - this was good and informative, and b) why gratitude was important.
It's clear from the general content that Margaret Visser is onto a valuable discussion - especially in our day and age - but in many sections I felt that she was running around in circles with a certain arguments (but that could have just been an attempt at reinforcing earlier lessons). The language of the text was easy enough to read through, nothing particularly difficult...but it...bored me, and I couldn't sustain reading through it to the very end.
I may revisit it later, but I certainly won't be any time soon. In any case, I recommend picking it up from your local library and giving it a quick read through.
The truth is that I haven't actually finished this book. It was...fine. The main two themes of the book were as follows: a) a discussion of the many rituals surrounding the language and culture of thanking, gift-giving, apologies, gratitude and charity in different cultures - this was good and informative, and b) why gratitude was important.
It's clear from the general content that Margaret Visser is onto a valuable discussion - especially in our day and age - but in many sections I felt that she was running around in circles with a certain arguments (but that could have just been an attempt at reinforcing earlier lessons). The language of the text was easy enough to read through, nothing particularly difficult...but it...bored me, and I couldn't sustain reading through it to the very end.
I may revisit it later, but I certainly won't be any time soon. In any case, I recommend picking it up from your local library and giving it a quick read through.
January 22, 2013
Brilliantly insightful, researched, and scholarly--and yet practical, fun, and accessible. This is one of the three or four best books I have read in 2012. More thoughts forthcoming when I have access to a real keyboard.
July 13, 2017
Well articulated, quite a dense read, worth savoring.
“Four basic goals and demands condition one another, in a constellation specific to our society: freedom, equality, individualism, and giving-and-gratitude. If one of these falls away, the rest become difficult to achieve and soon impossible to maintain.”
"Out of each individual’s free will gratitude participates in justice (it is “only fair” to thank a benefactor and to return a favour), and other people want to be thanked too when they help their fellows. For them it is a kind of duty— and in their self interest—to encourage the virtue of gratitude and keep it flourishing.”
“Four basic goals and demands condition one another, in a constellation specific to our society: freedom, equality, individualism, and giving-and-gratitude. If one of these falls away, the rest become difficult to achieve and soon impossible to maintain.”
"Out of each individual’s free will gratitude participates in justice (it is “only fair” to thank a benefactor and to return a favour), and other people want to be thanked too when they help their fellows. For them it is a kind of duty— and in their self interest—to encourage the virtue of gratitude and keep it flourishing.”
November 2, 2011
The concept was good but it got very overwhelming fast. It's always interesting to read how our North American culture measures up against other cultures and how one simple word can mean so much (or so little).
April 18, 2014
I borrowed this book from the library because one of my professors had us read an article by Margaret Visser about suntanning, and said that Visser was la crème de la crème as far as good writing was concerned. I must say that I found the article to be richer linguistically than the book, but it was still a good read, in the end.
At first, I found the writing to be rather dry, and the book repetitive. Perhaps it was because I was reading late at night, my brain rather tired from the stress of the year-end exam period. Still, I found the book to be rather long. What saved it, and earned it the third star in the rating, was the concluding section, where the author pulled it all together with a fine conclusion that really struck a chord with me. It was as if she were writing exactly hat I would have written, tying gratitude in with world peace and the way that people really should live. This conclusion made it worth the long read.
In retrospect, it really is an interesting book, if a little long. There are many literary and historic references included, and I especially liked that the author also mentioned the pay it forward idea, which I was really missing about two pages before she actually arrived there.
At first, I found the writing to be rather dry, and the book repetitive. Perhaps it was because I was reading late at night, my brain rather tired from the stress of the year-end exam period. Still, I found the book to be rather long. What saved it, and earned it the third star in the rating, was the concluding section, where the author pulled it all together with a fine conclusion that really struck a chord with me. It was as if she were writing exactly hat I would have written, tying gratitude in with world peace and the way that people really should live. This conclusion made it worth the long read.
In retrospect, it really is an interesting book, if a little long. There are many literary and historic references included, and I especially liked that the author also mentioned the pay it forward idea, which I was really missing about two pages before she actually arrived there.
February 11, 2010
wide-ranging historical/sociological/literary/cultural treatise on gratitude and the rituals surrounding expression of thanks.
Some interesting angles on cultural differences in whether to wrap gifts, some cute linguistic points (e.g., in the situation in which an American would say approximately "no thanks, I'm fine", Greeks say something that translates as "It's going beautifully" -- I think I need to start using that one), some incisive distinctions (e.g., a tip is not a gift because there is no separation in time between the initial offering and the reciprocation, as would be typical in gift or favor exchanges with the exception of some highly stylized events such as Christmas gift exchanges), and overall a pleasant read. But in the end just much too much. There is, at least if this book is evidence, not 400 pages worth of interesting stuff to dig up regarding thanks.
Some interesting angles on cultural differences in whether to wrap gifts, some cute linguistic points (e.g., in the situation in which an American would say approximately "no thanks, I'm fine", Greeks say something that translates as "It's going beautifully" -- I think I need to start using that one), some incisive distinctions (e.g., a tip is not a gift because there is no separation in time between the initial offering and the reciprocation, as would be typical in gift or favor exchanges with the exception of some highly stylized events such as Christmas gift exchanges), and overall a pleasant read. But in the end just much too much. There is, at least if this book is evidence, not 400 pages worth of interesting stuff to dig up regarding thanks.
January 7, 2012
Dense and scholarly. I confess to having skimmed great swaths in the middle.
I was, though, amused by a passage on breastfeeding, which implied that breastfed children learn gratitude at the breast. "Klein, in short, makes satisfaction at the breast as an infant determine the adult's ability to enjoy, and this capacity provides the likelihood of his being able to be grateful." My amusement was mostly borne of my envisioning of the flame wars that this would start in the formuala-okay vs. breast-is-best circuits.
I was, though, amused by a passage on breastfeeding, which implied that breastfed children learn gratitude at the breast. "Klein, in short, makes satisfaction at the breast as an infant determine the adult's ability to enjoy, and this capacity provides the likelihood of his being able to be grateful." My amusement was mostly borne of my envisioning of the flame wars that this would start in the formuala-okay vs. breast-is-best circuits.
August 30, 2010
This was really repetitive. From the blurb I was expecting a lot more. But essentially, this book is limited to gift-giving. Towards the end it becomes a little… Christian. I wanted it to stay more detached so I could form my own opinion. I wanted more anthropological evidence. The best thing is that 150 pages of this book were footnotes, so it’s not really as daunting as you first think. (That’s not much of a recommendation, is it?)
December 27, 2009
Interesting but too much for me- got about one quarter of the way into the book and lost interest, despite a promising start. This would require either a passion for the topic or a great deal of time to read and digest
September 30, 2013
Hmmm. I'd read "Much Depends Upon Dinner" and looked forward to this one but either my taste has changed or this isn't as entertaining as the other. I'm liking it but wouldn't highly recommend it. Reads more like a university text than a pleasurable read.
March 22, 2012
This took me a long time to get through (about 6 months) because it's so dense, so I probably forgot the beginning by the end, but it's a great, informative read. Sometimes Visser seems like she could benefit from some editing, but you'll always learn approximately three million interesting facts.
June 30, 2009
Ms Visser always finds much to say about simple things. She encourages you to look at the gift of thanks in a new way
Read
February 12, 2010dryer than most of her books
Read
May 26, 2011Just picked it up at the library. Could be interesting...
Update:: didn't grab me once I started, then I had to return it.
Update:: didn't grab me once I started, then I had to return it.
December 17, 2010
Quite fascinating, but a bit over my head, so took awhile to read.
Read
March 21, 2014I got to page 98 but it's more of an anthropological study than what I'm looking for right now.
December 3, 2013
Too much info. I couldn't finish it. Almost too thorough. Seems wordy and redundant.
Want to read
November 27, 2014Referenced in Leithart's Gratitude (p. 2).
February 18, 2016
An interesting look at giving and receiving , from a primitive urge, the variations of meaning and the philosophical and even spiritual dimensions
December 24, 2008
A truly fascinating look at a little understood aspect of human society...well worth contemplating.
January 7, 2010
This was a satisfying meal. Very good.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews