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267 pages, Paperback
First published February 19, 2013

In Stranger Here: How Weight Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head, Jen Larsen recounts, in painful detail, the steps leading to the weight loss surgery which saw her lose 180 pounds. (I’ve used the passive tense, because Jen’s body seemed hell-bent on shedding her excess weight despite her non-compliance with the post-surgery diet and exercise guidelines.)
That disconnect between mind and body is the underlying theme in the first part of the book. As she finishes her novel, Jen knows she is steadily gaining weight, but keeps pushing that knowledge aside:
“When I was writing my book, I was essentially the brain in the jar I sometimes wished I could be. But it would be over soon, and then what?”
Later on, Jen realises that she literally can’t fit into any of her clothes, and wears her long cotton T-shirt style nightgown to work, in the hope that it could, almost, pass for a plus-size dress from a mail order catalogue. She writes, “I spent the whole day burningly aware that I had crossed a line.”
Jen Larsen is such a gifted writer, setting out her thoughts with candour and gentle humour, but a complete lack of defensiveness or self-pity, that I felt I understood her decision to have life-altering surgery without considering the alternatives or possible consequences. I held my breath at the reproduction of the consent form, with its long list of possible risks and complications, which Jen had to initial before undergoing surgery. Each risk or complication is set out on its own line with the initials “JL” next to it, then all the risks and complications — from the benign-sounding fatigue and constipation to the horrifying possibility of stroke, heart attack or limb loss — blur into their own paragraph, followed by several lines of “JL JL JL JL JL” as Jen initialled as fast as she could, without reading the words.
The second part of the book describes Jen’s post-surgery life as she adjusts to being “normal” size, renegotiates her relationships, and starts working in the kind of job she would never have applied for when she was fat. At first, this part felt a little unfocused, until I realised that’s what most of our lives are like. As Jen writes:
“It didn’t matter if my insides — inside my head and inside my gut — were fucked up. No-one could tell, and now I could be just anyone. I could do anything, and that felt like the real and final truth.”