Callahan's Secret

Callahan's #3

by Spider Robinson

Callahan's Place is open for business, and all of the "regulars" are here--a talking dog, an alcoholic vampire, and two telepaths--enhancing their joys by drowning their sorrows. Everyone, that is, but Mickey Finn, a seven-foot tall alien in danger of enslavement at the hands of a traveller from across the galaxy...

Come inside, pull up a chair, order a drink, make a toast, and let Spider Robinson introduce you to the most unique patrons to frequent any establishment, at a bar where the most important law is "shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased." And if there's time left at the end of the night, just maybe they'll save the world...

Genres: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Humor, Fiction, Short Stories, Science Fiction Fantasy, Time Travel

172 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published July 1, 1986

About the author

Spider Robinson is an American-born Canadian Hugo and Nebula award winning science fiction author. He was born in the USA, but chose to live in Canada, and gained citizenship in his adopted country in 2002.

Robinson's writing career began in 1972 with a sale to Analog Science Fiction magazine of a story entitled, The Guy With The Eyes. His writing proved popular, and his first novel saw print in 1976, Telempath. Since then he has averaged a novel (or collection) a year. His most well known stories are the Callahan saloon series.

Reviews

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third book in Robinson's Callahan's series, and the last with the original concept. It has four stories, one with more of a fantasy than sf feel. There are all of the familiar puns and jokes and sensitivity and sentiment and emotion that characterize the earlier books, and always had readers hoping that they'd get lucky enough to stumble onto the place sooner or later, since the idea was that those who really needed it eventually found it. Another very enjoyable read, but I found that I couldn't read his books too close together or I'd suffer burn-out.

[Wanda Pedersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first Callahan book and indeed the first Spider Robinson book that I can unreservedly say that I enjoyed. Perhaps that was because there were only four stories in it, so each one got more time and attention from the author and also because there wasn’t any non-Callahan material included.

My impression is certainly that Spider Robinson believes in the redemptive value of friendship and in the associated virtues of compassion and empathy. Not to mention alcohol, humour, and music, which are also extolled as great joys.

Be warned, these stories are pun-laden. If you adore punning, you will love Robinson’s work. If you are like me and merely tolerate puns, be advised that I did not find them overly obnoxious. Probably if I had an audiobook, I would have snorted a few times.

This is book 207 of my science fiction and fantasy reading project.

[carol. · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last in the trilogy about Callahan's. Puns are prevalent, and as a reader, they don't have any appeal for me. Some of Robinson's seem particularly tortured, so the extent where I was sounding them out out loud to try and get the joke. Since I read the trilogy in the omnibus edition, I might have also been reaching my limit on Callahan's bar.

"The Blacksmith's Tale," kind of a love story, unusual in the group. Poignant twist and philosophical musing. Quite emotionally wrenching.

"Pyotr's Story" had an interesting urban fantasy twist. There's a wake for the guitar Lady Macbeth, and Pyotr has to ferry more drunks home than usual. Clever twist.

In the edition I had, there's a short author interlude here discussing puns and a reader contest.

"Involuntary Man's Laughter" is partly set on Punday night--be warned. The bar gets together to solve the problems of a man with a speech problem.

"In the Mick of Time" a great secret of Callahan's comes out. Feels a little preachy and contrived. Closer to novella.

[Peter Tillman · Rating 4 out of 5]

My 1996 booklog notes that this is one of his best, and that I liked it on reread. Carol reminded me of the bad puns, but some of these stories were pretty funny. Hmm. Wonder if I still have a copy? The library doesn't.

Nope, no copy. If I see a cheap used one, might pick it up?

[Bobscopatz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mickey Finn and Mary...lots of great revelations. The characterizations are deeper than in most of the other Callahan's books/stories, and that only adds to the enjoyment.

The only flaw, and it's a minor one, is that I sometimes feel like the dialogue is taking place on a plane I cannot reach and do not aspire to. I don't know if that's Spider Robinson being too hip, too clever, but I do know that by the end of the story it makes sense and the momentary feeling of not being one of the smart kids passes. Turns out it makes perfect sense.

[Little Timmy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny collection of SiFi short stories. Recommended

[Kaylee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to give this more than 5 stars. I have enjoyed all of the Callahan stories, and the empathy in them has touched my soul many times, but the last story in this volume was something transcendent.

ETA: I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea based on my review here; this is not a serious book. I would describe it as fun and zany, and full of puns. It can make you feel deeply, especially when you meet a character whose pain is very much like your own, but the writing is very lighthearted, and the mood always turns back to merriment in the end. Some might find that too silly, but I think it's cathartic to laugh after a big dose of compassion.

[Graham Wilhauk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, this series is starting to get boring FAST. All of the stories seem to have lost the charm that I saw in the first book. In fact, it made me think whether I want to continue with the series or not. This book was flat out BORING. In all honesty, I think I will give the fourth book a go, but I will stop FAST if I'm not into it.

I am giving this one a 2 out of 5 stars.

[Jen3n · Rating 5 out of 5]

I re-read this book a lot. This and most of the rest in this series, of which this particular book is the 4th. I think.

If I ever were to meet Spider Robinson in person, I would kiss him full on the lips and probably weep. While the series ran out of steam after awhile (see the less-than delightful Lady Slings the Booze for reference), the Callahan's Place and Lady Sally books were top-notch escapism for me growing up. Hell, their top-notch escapism currently. Intelligent, thoughtful books about humor and love. They formed (or helped to form) my opinions on both sex and alcohol. The books also made me feel not so alone. I'm sort of weird, but everyone in the books is pretty weird and not disliked for it. Even when I was athletically "skinny," I was still a broad-shoulders, round-hipped and full-breasted big girl, and the supposedly sexiest woman in the whole series is written as an Irish girl who runs 250 pounds if she is an ounce. I'm a balance-craving pacifist, and these books are about striking balance as a way to achieve peace.

These books are full of puns and puzzles and world history, and usually in a way which manages to teach the reader about word play and human history without ever dropping the gentle assumption that everyone already knows all this stuff. Never condescending but never unintelligibly intellectual, either.

The series can sometimes get a little self-congratulatory. A little contrived and pretentious, sure. But if those are the worst faults you come across in the whole series, that's still not too bad.

[Ryk Stanton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I could say I liked this better than I do, but this one falls short of the first two. That may be because this one felt more like a novel than a collection of short stories as the first two books did. It may be how suddenly reliant the book was on cursing (but we all know what a prude I am when it comes to literary profanity). The big climax didn't really knock my socks off either. It was worth reading, but I hope the next one gets its mojo back.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is, according to Spider Robinson, the "last" Callahan book...and in some ways, it is. However, do not despair if you are only now discovering the marvelous people who frequent Callahan's! The series continues on, in a slightly different form, for eight more books, and good times abound!

[Joel Hacker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tracking indicates otherwise, but this is my second time reading this book. I have two separate, both complimentary, ways of looking at this book. One more general, one more personal.
First, the Callahan's stories are some of Robinson's best known and loved works. A great humorist and writer, Robinson is perhaps at his best merging many of his personal loves and thoughts with this fun fictional universe. Scifi, fantasy, comedy, music, slice of life...Callahan's is a great pioneering example of what might be called 'slipstream' fiction today. Infallibly positive and heartwarming with thoroughly grounded caricatures, there's really little to dislike here.
Second...Callahan's were among some of my Aunt's favorite genre books. I have some theories as to why, but ultimately these were the only books as a kid she wouldn't just let me have from her collection. I suspect she may have had similar reasons me.
Its a less than closely guarded secret, but I've been to Callahan's. Oh, I never wrote to Robinson and got one of the chit's or a secret message bout the locale. But see, Callahan's used to be in a lot of places. Its become more and more difficult to find over the years as Mike has had to close down...too much influencer culture, too much lack of community, too much gentrification, you get the idea.
I shouldn't do this to myself, but maybe it will help...See, *my* Callahan's was just like described, save it was nestled in a neglected arts district, surrounded by less than ideal neighborhoods in a major city. But those of us, newcomers, old time hippies that never left, oddball immigrants from England to Vietnam, everyone nearby that was inclined, we had a Callahan's. In our bar, Mike went by Craig, and sure, he had gone grey (and pretended to just be a fan of Robinson's books rather than a star) but was otherwise the same guy. Oh, there were superficial differences, you gotta cater to the locals a little, one side of the bar was all cozy nooks, low tables, egyptian influenced hippy decorations, and the other side was a little more what one might expect...lots of wood, brass rails, etc. And yeah, Craig had partners (that brit and vietnamese immigrant I mentioned, we always celebrated Insurrection Day) and some old hippies he had known for decades. It was just like described though...we all helped clean up if we were still around at the end of the night, got people home safely, invited new folks who might need the community and kept an eye on newcomers who came in on their own and took care of trouble if it came up. We all helped each other, and the place, celebrating birthdays, holidays, weddings, and wakes, just like they talk about. Shared pain decreases, shared joy increases. 'Employees' (and realistically, most of the regulars) lived in walking distance or barely outside it and we took turns running the place for them so they could have some nights to enjoy the place themselves for free.
But then...Craig left us, pretty unexpectedly. Our Jake, that brit Tina, tried to keep it together but even with all our help it was tough. Then gentrification started pushing folks further and further out of the area. Once no one who worked there could afford to live there anymore, and a lot of the long timers who didn't rent got squeezed out, it moved in the small business area. We had one last night...regulars and employees stretching back decades packed the place wall to wall as they were let in through the back door instead of the carefully locked and barred front. It was glorious and sad. I carried a lot folks to and from cars, up stairs and to beds that night. As was not entirely unheard of, some of us slept in the bar. We had our final Free Lunches.
About a year later, I risked a drive through the old neighborhood...it had changed so much I had problems even looking at it. I peaked in at the old bar. It looked like a thousand other trendy places you can find on social media. It was cold and sterile. No one working there, none of the customers, knew each other. No one lived within 30 minutes. No more free lunches. no more blessings. no more toasts. no more Mike getting your problems out without prying. No more Callahan's. I think about that every time I read one of these books.

[Jon]

Callahan's Secret appears to have been Robinson's attempt, like Doyle's in The Reichenbach Falls (which he mentions) to put the series to bed at last. I was saddened at the time, but when the inevitable financial pressures got to Spider's web... One a personal note, one of the stories has a bunch of Princes Bride references, and I believe that when I first read this book was when I was motivated to hunt high and low for a copy of the book. Of course, by now everyone in the galaxy has seen the movie.

There are only four stories in this collection, though they are lengthier than the stories in earlier collections. The first, The Blacksmith's Tale (a nod to Chaucer?) tells how Jake meets Callahan's daughter, Mary, and falls hopelessly in love with her (a theme that reappears every so often in Robinson's novels), but she gets introduced to Mickey Finn, and it's love at first sight for her, leaving Jake in the cold, so to speak. We finally get the rest of the story on Finn, which leads us to the climactic story at the end of this book. There's a throwaway line in this one about Mary's mother being Lady Sally, madame of the finest whorehouse in the area, which leads to later Robinson stories about Lady Sally's.

Pyotr's Story is actually almost an urban fantasy bit, long before the genre became so overwhelming. Where would a vampire who became an alcoholic long ago hang out? At Callahan's Saloon, of course, and his ability to filter out alcohol from the patrons' bloodstreams has helped alleviate many a hangover.

Involuntary Man's Laughter comes up with a novel solution (in an era when PCs, laptops and smart phones were either nonexistent or very very rare) to befriending a person who suffers from severely socially debilitating diseases, and including him in Callahan's magic.

The Mick of Time is the story of what happens when the alien race whom Finn once served finally shows up to find out what became of their missing spy/slave. What do you do when an irresistible force encounters and immovable object like Mike Callahan. The solution in part lies in all of the patrons of Callahan's achieving a telepathic gestalt (another them that turns up often in Robinson's works). Robinson introduces a suitcase nuke - it seems like this is long before I'd heard of them in other types of literature or media - to save the day, and incidentally destroy the bar.

Oh, no need to shed any tears, you know it's getting resurrected.

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the final volume in the collection of three books that focus on the characters and events at Callahan's Place over a couple of years of story time; the previous two, in order, are Callahan's Crosstime Saloon and Time Travelers Strictly Cash. (But don't call it a trilogy or you'll incur the author's wrath!) For fans of this Spider Robinson genre, though, don't despair—the story line continues, in a way, in a half dozen other books in which the characters recur, and new ones are added to the mix.

Unlike Time Travelers Strictly Cash, which included some non-Callahan stories, editorials, and other asides (all of them worth reading), this one is pure Callahan. It concludes with the novella "The Mick of Time," which concludes a number of story arcs that Robinson has traced from the beginning. It's probably fine to read this as a standalone book, but you'll get much, much more pleasure out of it if you read the other two, in order, first. (But it's not a trilogy!) And even more than before, Secret is shot through with Robinsonian riddles and puns, as well as references to popular culture at the time, most of which I (as an old timer) got but which you may want to look up if you see a reference you don't understand.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an odd duck of a book. The Callahan stories in the first two books are largely stand alone pieces with Easter eggs for those in the know. This one takes those pieces and tries to create a larger whole. In the end, I don't think it succeeds. It falls into the pitfalls I see in Spider's novels, where there's a bigger picture which fails to support an interesting narrative.

This collection is also rife with signs of the time. The positions of the sole female character are utter bullshit and embarrassing.

This book also succeeds in many ways which the earlier stories fail. The humour is more consistently good. The writing is better.

To my recollection, this isn't as good as the latter stories and it definitely doesn't feel as good as the first two collections. But they are worth reading and seeing how the characters are moving forward. Depending on the edition, you may even see a cameo by Spider, giving a candid (and likely embarrassing in hindsight) description of Callahan's place in the zeitgeist of the early internet.

In the end, if you've read the earlier stories/ collections, then read this. If not, don't bother.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is yet another old and dear favorite which I haven't read in a decade or so. I was in my late teens when I bought this, I think; my edition was released in '86, and I bought it new, so… Wow. This isn't like me at all. I admit it: I was a prude. Probably could still be considered one, I suppose, compared to the universe in general, but me in my teens - ? Reading it now, not that it's graphic, but still – I can't believe I not only bought this book but read it, loved it, and have never had the least trace of guilt clinging to it despite sex, drugs, and booze… But that's Callahan's. That's Spider Robinson. Yes, there's a very '70's attitude toward the aforementioned sex, drugs, and booze – as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, go for it. Yes, there's raunchy humor, not usually to my taste … but this raunchy humor, unlike that in most "comic" movies made today for example, is funny. And underlying everything is an attitude that takes "as long as it doesn't hurt anyone" a few miles further. The purpose of Callahan's Place isn't simply not to hurt – it's a place of healing.

Callahan's Secret is actually the third book in the series, though it was my first experience of Spider Robinson. It was, as the introduction tells, the final book, at the time. It was, however, not a trilogy. Not. (I was jaded about trilogies for a very long time because of that introduction. Still am, I guess, really.) It made me want to open a bar. Seriously. I've never even hung out in a bar, apart from that one period when I worked at Barnes & Noble, and that was hanging out with friends, not hanging out in a bar – apart from that I don't know as I've even been in a bar. But after the high of the Callahan's books, I wanted to try it. However, the odds of even the geek bar I would open attracting an alien, a talking dog, or even a Jake Stonebender are beyond astronomical (even allowing for reality) – I am no Mike Callahan. You can't have Callahan's without Callahan. (Well, you sort of can, but that's another book.) Callahan's is not a place random people go to get drunk. From the Wikia: "Due to the location, walk-ins are rare and it's generally held that, with a few exceptions, people don't find Callahan's unless they're sent or they need to find it." ("The bar is described as being located on Route 25A in Suffolk County on Long Island in New York state. It is marked by a single sign and is set back from the road far enough to be easily missed." Clever of Spider – Rte. 25A pretty much runs the length of Long Island, all of which if I'm not mistake is Suffolk County. I wonder if not being able to find Callahan's (while it was still there to be found) meant that readers just didn't need it enough.)

The heart of Callahan's is what hooked me from the very beginning. The stories are laugh-out-loud funny, completely unpredictable, and never, ever shy away from deep emotion. The characters who fill the stools and throw the glasses and peanuts at Callahan's Place have evolved into a true community of folk who care about each other, and know what to do with that.

I just did a quick 'net search, and found a Callahan's Place … in Newfoundland. My mother comes from Newfie. Stephenville! You could fly in and head straight to the Place! We have family in Newfoundland still that could – and might well! – go there. I'll be grinning over this for a while. Wonder what that Place is like.

I need a Callahan's. I really do. I keep thinking I've found an online version – that's exactly what my problem has been. With TORn, with Goodreads, I thought I had found a group of people who might approach psychicness as the Callahan's regulars did. And now I realize that the reason I am so unreasonably and deeply disappointed when it doesn't turn out that way, when I'm the only one dumb enough to throw myself heart and soul into the thing hoping for others to meet me in the middle. Both groups referred to themselves as "family" – on TORn the common term was "TORnsibs" – and maybe by others' definitions they are families. However, I happen to have a great family whom I know is solidly behind me, supportive and caring and always there if I need them as I am for them. That's not, apparently, what others think of as family. And apparently what the Callahan's habitués consider friendship is a different species from how the online "friends" I've had define it.

It was interesting to read this when I did. As I've recognized the seeds for a lot of my opinions in things like M*A*S*H (views on war, for example, and my complete and utter lack of any desire to get drunk), so I can distinguish the seeds to my adult conception of friendship in the Callahan's Place stories. I've been blaming L.M. Montgomery and such – I've had and now have a small group of good friends, but never had a "bosom friend" quite like Diana Barry – and that is a big part of it. But it's here, where one Placer sees a friend's problem and goes off to bring someone back at gunpoint to fix it, where a friend's problems are instantly perceived with the immediate desire to listen as wanted and help as possible, where any one regular will do anything, literally, for any other – it's holding that up beside real life that I realize where I've gone askew. I expect – not simply "too much", really. I expect everything.

To be read either sarcastically or not, depending on your own inclination: Thanks a lot, Jake and Spider. Thanks heaps.

[Bill Plott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have loved the Callahan stories, but I found these a little disappointing. To begin with, they are novelettes (four of them) rather than short stories. With the short stories I always enjoyed that sort of O. Henry or Alfred Hitchcock Presents twist. Here, we have stories that wind through subplots and often far too many characters. More importantly, this is the end of proprietor Michael Callahan. It seems he is a time traveler and opened the bar to keep an eye out for some unspecified possible cataclysm. In addition the bar is destroyed in the end. But not to worry too much. A resurrected watering hole is in the offing because there are six more books in the series.

[Printable Tire · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one is remarkably better than the two prior Callahan Collections. Hokey, pat situations from earlier stories are enriched by moral complexities. The first scene is pretty embarrassing, Callahan's titular secret is disappointing, and the retcon of Jake's accident is particularly offensive, but taken as a whole this books's shortcomings are a matter of artistic opinion and don't rise to a categorical aesthetic assault. I actually laughed out loud a couple times! The riddle-games included are pretty fun and alone worth the price of admission. Spider Robinson matured as a writer, who knew?

[Fred Kiesche · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Stories, Horrific OCR

The Callahan stories are among my favorites, and I reread the series every few years.

However.

The quality of the OCR done on this text and the complete lack of editorial work to clean it up is a real crime here. Only Spider’s writing keeps me from assigning the publisher one star as a rating. A complete shame.

[Francisco d'Anconia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kind of a dumb book, honestly. I suppose some would, but I didn't find any of the puns very amusing. Are puns every very funny?

A semi-interesting story, but there is just so much really good science fiction, that I don't think this one is worth the read.

[Ernie · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I have developed the habit of reading a short story or two between longer novels. This is the perfect way to read the Callahan's Series. Every week or two, I drop into Callahan's and get to spend time with all of the gang. This third book in the series is my favorite so far.

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written book that uses some slang from the 70's.

[Darin · Rating 1 out of 5]

The previous book was crap filled so I'm not sure why I thought this one would be different.

[Dusty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love these books, not a trilogy, just a grouping of three books

[Michael Ben Silva III · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun three star read that won its fourth star in the last few pages with its big climactic ending that relied largely on the power of empathy (and small nuclear bombs tbf).

[Kevin Driskill · Rating 5 out of 5]

More surprises and a cool conclusion. The family grows literally and there are big developments you just have to read if you love Callahan's.

[Statler Waldorf · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first time entering the saloon, and I think I might become a regular. I wasn’t a huge fan of the first story and almost put the book down but the other three completely changed my mind.

[Jolie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t. I can’t even. I don’t know where to begin other than the ending made me cry and I loved the book. Damnit, Spider Robinson!

[Pat Belford · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had to look up the author's age, I refuse to believe this wasn't written by a 12 year old.

[Elizabeth Hoffmann · Rating 2 out of 5]

so close... almost made it all the way through without calling a dark skinned person "Monkey Face"

In the Mick of Time was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long