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Life Gets Better: The Unexpected Pleasure of Growing Older
The acclaimed author of What's Worth Knowing reveals the truth about aging: Old age often offers a richer, better, and more self-assured life than youth.
From our earliest lives, we are told that our youth will be the best time of our lives-that the energy and vitality of youth are the most important qualities a person can possess, and that everything that comes after will be a sad decline. But in reality, says Wendy Lustbader, youth is not the golden era it is often made out to be. For many, it is a time riddled with anxiety, angst, confusion, and the torture of uncertainty. Conversely, the media often feeds us a vision of growing older as a journey of defeat and diminishment. They are dead wrong. As Lustbader counters, "Life gets better as we get older, on all levels except the physical."
Life Gets Better is not a precious or whimsical tome on the quirky wisdom of the elderly. Lustbader-who has worked for several decades as a social worker specializing in aging issues-conducted firsthand research with aging and elderly people in all walks of life, and she found that they overwhelmingly spoke of the mental and emotional richness they have drawn from aging. Lustbader discovered that rather than experiencing a decline from youth, aging people were happier, more courageous, and more interested in being true to their inner selves than were young people.
Life Gets Better examines through first-person stories, as well as Lustbader's own observations, how a lifetime of lessons learned can yield one of the most personally and emotionally fruitful periods of anyone's life. As an eighty-six-year-old who contributed her story to the book noted, "For me, being old is the reward for outlasting all the big and little problems that happen to all of us along life's pathway."
The collected stories in Life Gets Better provide a hopeful corrective to the fear of aging aggressively instilled in us by the media. Don't dread the future: The best years of our lives just may be ahead.
339 pages, Hardcover
First published August 18, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
October 4, 2011
We oldsters may look wrinkled, but there are lots of advantages all the same. Decision making, for example. For the young, the world is their oyster, which can be great, but also daunting with all the decisions to make: get married? have kids? what work to do? where to live? For the older, most of these things are resolved, and when they aren't, we are more confident from a lifetime of decision-making to decide without lots of anguish. When problems arise due to aging, there are lots of cool solutions. Capital Hill Village in DC, for example, where oldsters who need help trade services with other people: say help sewing on buttons and ironing for help unclogging drains. Many other positive examples. What it misses are the unresolved policy challenges, like the unaffordable health care system in the US, and shortage of political leadership to guide the way to solutions.
March 31, 2012
There are not enough good things I can say about this book. Wendy Lustbader writes a reflective, thoughtful, hopeful, amazing, wonderful book about why growing older is an experience that we should be joyful about.
It took me a tremendous amount of time to read this book because I would read a chapter or two and then reflect on them. As someone who is currently living in the middle of life that Lustbader speaks about as being rushed, consumed with all kinds of anxiety about making your way in the world, it was refreshing to see that there are things that I am currently facing aren't the way life needs to be lived and that the perspective that elders have can be had as I am living now. The stories that she shares from both her own life and those of many of her friends and the elders that she has worked with bring a rich perspective to a number of different ideas about time, peace, coming to grips with your past, making decisions and knowing what matters most.
I would highly, highly recommend this book!
It took me a tremendous amount of time to read this book because I would read a chapter or two and then reflect on them. As someone who is currently living in the middle of life that Lustbader speaks about as being rushed, consumed with all kinds of anxiety about making your way in the world, it was refreshing to see that there are things that I am currently facing aren't the way life needs to be lived and that the perspective that elders have can be had as I am living now. The stories that she shares from both her own life and those of many of her friends and the elders that she has worked with bring a rich perspective to a number of different ideas about time, peace, coming to grips with your past, making decisions and knowing what matters most.
I would highly, highly recommend this book!
August 2, 2017
This book was lent to me by a friend, and it is an eye-opener!
There is a lot that we take for granted in life, and feel life proceeds along a narrow but ‘well-defined’ timeline, only to find as we grow older, that what we felt was assured with, as steady, going to last forever, and/or is the (only) way life is, in fact, is not!
Generally, we look at our lives in our thirties and wonder what we “ould’ve” done better, or done; in our forties we confront the glimpse of our mortality and again, review what we “ould’ve” done. We look at our children, parents, elders, relations, work and life in general with different eyes, particularly against what we thought was assured, steady going to last forever and/or is the (only) way life is, or sadly, proceed as the illusion it has always been! Then, the mistakes or denial of the illusion becomes so great that one has to face and deal with it die inside, before one ultimately dies physically. Therefore, midlife teaches us, if not also demands that we shed the illusion and learn to live life on our own respective terms. It’s not an easy process, as ingrained perceptions of life are not easily, nor quickly shed. Still, I am digressing here.
Lustbader’s book explores the three overall thresholds: Hope, Transformation and Peace which assures the reader that despite the loss (of spouse, friends, vitality and perceptions of life as we were trained to understand it) that we still have ways to have and live a fulfilling life … on our terms and crucially, beyond the perceptions and boxes we thought life IS to be in! It opens creativity; it reinforces consideration in what really matters! It also reminds one not to take things for granted, nor take things so seriously. Growing older invites us to explore what is best for us and do that before we leave this plane … and treasure, if not also revel in same! I also love the blurbs of wisdom that begin each chapter. Chapter 12 – “Beginner’s Mind” - which reminds me of the Child in Nietzche’s “Thus Spake Zaranthurstra” - is a favorite:
In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind, there are few.
-Shunryu Suzuki (page 290)
Each chapter within each threshold provides insight and explanation in terms of realizing what changes and what really matters as we age, through experience and through one’s triumphs and failures. Lustbader utilizes her own experience as a daughter, student, professional (social worker, particularly with the aging) with the words of the elders she interviews, to shed, if not also illuminate what is really important, what changes, and one’s outlook is/becomes, as one grows older. One finds that the perceptions and priorities change; what was so important, really is not; grudges are released and the rat race (social and occupational cage(s)) shed. Family is viewed in a different way – forgiveness, clarity, assessment what was important versus, what is not is re-assessed. “Slowing Down” (Chapter 20) reiterates that the only way is to have time, is to slow down to enjoy it; savor every moment and be present in it! It’s still amazing what one missed (in youth and in old age) in not savoring the moment we have!
I can go on and on (and on), but the book as with life, has to be read, and experienced in awareness, to appreciate. I can’t retell the whole book as there is a lot to cover, and it has to be read, to be fully appreciated. The reader will find some things familiar, and some things scary – but nevertheless, both must be faced- which is one point of the book. Again, we have to shed the perceptions of what we feel life is, how it is supposed to go, and the fact that we must face the deterioriation of our bodies and sadly, our minds, with the ultimate, brevity in life. The quality in the face of all this determines the type of life we actually have.
December 31, 2013
Reading Life Gets Better by local author Wendy Lustbader is like sitting down with a friend who regales you with brief stories about how people have weathered the storms of their lives and settled down into more peaceful waters. It can be comforting to read these stories and know that life can, in fact, get better.
The early chapters of the book weren’t doing much for me and at first I thought, “I’ll read enough to write a review and then give the book to my mom or something.” But by the end of the book I was savoring every chapter and thinking I’d have to get a new copy for my mom and maybe my mother-in-law as well, so sure I was I’d want to read the book again some day.
For a book that contains so many personal stories, there’s a lot of breadth and depth. The author has interacted with many people throughout her life, and collected stories from other sources and from her own life experience. The book covers a lot of ground: there are chapters on loss, generosity, relationships and beginner’s mind, to name just a few.
Some of the most memorable parts of the book for me were when she described the personality change her mother went through in her final months (becoming a better listener and friend), and when she shared her secret for becoming a confident public speaker (remember that everyone in the room will one day be dead and won’t remember what you said).
“If youth is the piling on of identities out of a need to feel substantial, later life is boring down into the depths of the essential,” Lustbader says. I’m forty-five and have noticed that as teenagers, we tended to box ourselves into specific identities like “outsider,” “jock” or “cheerleader.” Then as new adults, we begin “piling on identities” culled from job, hobby or parenting roles, which make our personas more complex, but makes life complicated, too. It relieves me to think that in a couple of decades, I can shed some of these roles, and – like one of the people mentioned in her book – eventually refine my material possessions down to a single shelf of books.
Even for a relatively younger person such as myself, the book has lessons that can be helpful. She says, “We must move through difficulty, rather than try to get around it, if we wish to be strengthened by life experience.” This is true no matter what your age.
The early chapters of the book weren’t doing much for me and at first I thought, “I’ll read enough to write a review and then give the book to my mom or something.” But by the end of the book I was savoring every chapter and thinking I’d have to get a new copy for my mom and maybe my mother-in-law as well, so sure I was I’d want to read the book again some day.
For a book that contains so many personal stories, there’s a lot of breadth and depth. The author has interacted with many people throughout her life, and collected stories from other sources and from her own life experience. The book covers a lot of ground: there are chapters on loss, generosity, relationships and beginner’s mind, to name just a few.
Some of the most memorable parts of the book for me were when she described the personality change her mother went through in her final months (becoming a better listener and friend), and when she shared her secret for becoming a confident public speaker (remember that everyone in the room will one day be dead and won’t remember what you said).
“If youth is the piling on of identities out of a need to feel substantial, later life is boring down into the depths of the essential,” Lustbader says. I’m forty-five and have noticed that as teenagers, we tended to box ourselves into specific identities like “outsider,” “jock” or “cheerleader.” Then as new adults, we begin “piling on identities” culled from job, hobby or parenting roles, which make our personas more complex, but makes life complicated, too. It relieves me to think that in a couple of decades, I can shed some of these roles, and – like one of the people mentioned in her book – eventually refine my material possessions down to a single shelf of books.
Even for a relatively younger person such as myself, the book has lessons that can be helpful. She says, “We must move through difficulty, rather than try to get around it, if we wish to be strengthened by life experience.” This is true no matter what your age.
July 23, 2015
I picked this up because I feel like an old man most of the time, and thought this would help me come to grips with that. As I read it, I realized it was probably aimed at readers even older than I, but then I got to the epilogue, and I realized: I'm okay with being an old man inside. I just have to redefine what "old" is.
June 8, 2019
So boring. Nothing I haven't heard before. I don't need to hear people tell me how great their lives are due to their fantastic point of view. What if thinks aren't great? What do we do then? I did not finish this narcissistic rant.
June 21, 2012
I did not find this book to contain any new insights. Author tended to insert her own life experiences when ever she could.
January 27, 2018
Having been MSW specializing in geriatrics this book confirmed much of what I have taken out of that experience and incorporating in my aging life.
February 5, 2019
A really good look at some of the changes we've gone through as we age, as regards our development into becoming ourselves. The book looks at the fifty-somethings and upward, and relates instance upon instance of the joy and wisdom that we gain simply by living long. The softening of our hard edges, the patience, the humbleness we learn. It is a very encouraging book, and rings true. It is nice not to think we have used up our best years. They are to come, in many ways.
July 10, 2017
Insightful book on getting older. Well worth a read.
July 27, 2017
"Life Gets Better: The unexpected Pleasures of Growing Older" by Wendy Lustbader is this month's selection for a new book club that I belong to. Though there was nothing new here in terms of content, I did appreciate the reminders and reinforcement of many of the things that I have thought about recently. I also appreciated that the somewhat esoteric, spiritual ideas (not really my focus at this time in my life) discussed here were supported by much anecdotal "evidence." I wish, however, that these ideas would have been supported by more statistical "evidence." The book was published in 2011, and seems a little bit out of date (there is so much good stuff on the subject out there right now). However, the ideas presented are somewhat universal. Just so-so for me.
March 17, 2018
I so enjoyed this book and it gives great hope for the later years of life.
April 19, 2023
A lot of good tips for living in the moment when you are in your older years!
March 19, 2017
A gem
This book gives a new perspective on living more than on aging - I liked the mix of stories and wisdom.
This book gives a new perspective on living more than on aging - I liked the mix of stories and wisdom.
May 17, 2012
In Life gets better, Wendy Lustbader draws from a wealth of 30 years experience and knowledge as a social worker, specializing in aging issues. Speaking with the elderly she’s come to realize that they are “happier, more courageous, and more interested in being true to their inner selves than young people.”
From Lustbader’s observations of her own life experiences and from one on one intimate conversations with elders, she discovers that life does get better as we get older. “A lifetime of lessons can yield one of the most fruitful periods of anyone’s life.”
Lustbader has divided the book into three parts- hope, transformation, and peace. I found this book to be beautifully written with an authentic, wise, and detailed account of elderly’s life stories of how their lives have unfolded.
From Lustbader’s observations of her own life experiences and from one on one intimate conversations with elders, she discovers that life does get better as we get older. “A lifetime of lessons can yield one of the most fruitful periods of anyone’s life.”
Lustbader has divided the book into three parts- hope, transformation, and peace. I found this book to be beautifully written with an authentic, wise, and detailed account of elderly’s life stories of how their lives have unfolded.
September 12, 2012
This book reminded me of a "coming of age" for senior citizens. The entire book zeroed in on the many positive attributes of aging. Clear real-life examples of actual seniors are edged into the words to convince you of the truth, that "Life gets better: The unexpected pleasures of growing older". Anyone uneasy about aging or longing for their youth should read the explanations given in this well-expressed presentation accenting only the positive. I dare say, if you are already a Senior adult, you now enjoy some of these feelings and new experiences though you might not have thought about the many positive changes made in your life. It really is just plain common sense, but with clarity.
If you are just middle-aged or have a senior relative in your life, you'd likely find these typical insights heart-warming.
If you are just middle-aged or have a senior relative in your life, you'd likely find these typical insights heart-warming.
October 6, 2018
This excellent book came to my attention at just the right time, positioned to be seen on a shelf at the library in a section I was "fronting" like it had been waiting for me to come along and find it. Pleasure has been elusive recently, so being reminded that it is there and that I need to be present in the moment to recognize it was a welcome message.
I loved reading about other people's experiences of aging and engaging in the world. Knowing that other people think about the things I sometimes believe that only I am thinking is reassuring. Lustbader would be a fine companion on the journey through old age.
I loved reading about other people's experiences of aging and engaging in the world. Knowing that other people think about the things I sometimes believe that only I am thinking is reassuring. Lustbader would be a fine companion on the journey through old age.
September 19, 2011
To put the book into just a few words, I guess it would be that instead of a coming of age for the youth book, it is a coming into wisdom book for the older set. It explains the satisfaction, wisdom, and contentment that can come with age.
I did find some of the stories about the author’s trips around the world a little tedious. It is really easy to be satisfied where you are in your life if you have had the wealth and health to experience worldwide travels, but it there is a lot of insight into the aging mind in this book.
I did find some of the stories about the author’s trips around the world a little tedious. It is really easy to be satisfied where you are in your life if you have had the wealth and health to experience worldwide travels, but it there is a lot of insight into the aging mind in this book.
December 18, 2011
This book was a gift from my brother and it was really a special gift to read and recommend to others. I don't consider myself "old" yet, but Wendy L. put into words many of the things I've come to think about as I've accumulated birthdays. I heartily recommend this book to those of us who would like to explore the blessings and gifts of growing older.
January 27, 2012
A good book with food for thought about growing older. Life toodles along its merry way and before we know it, the kids are gone and we are thinking about downsizing and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of our lives. Go figure! Thank heavens for the wisdom of those who go before us and are willing to share their experiences.
June 2, 2015
Kicks off with some powerful insights and messages, but by the middle becomes so repetitive it is an agony to read. The chapters seemed to be divided by some arbitrary principle, which does not mean that they don't all carry some of the same content. There is a great and important book hiding here somewhere, lost in some truly bad editing work.
July 11, 2016
Wendy Lustbader's years of working with older adults has given her a remarkable level of insight and wisdom into what we can all look forward to as we grow older. This is a refreshing take on the subject: not absurdly optimistic but thoughtful, warm and welcoming to those of us who are entering our "third act."
January 23, 2012
A pleasant, uplifting, wonderful book that offered a excellent variety of people, experiences and perspectives on growing older. This books offers an explanation as to why the cliche phrase "Golden Years" is applied to the latter part of life. Very good read.
April 2, 2012
I've taken months to read this......savoring each chapter. She offers much to think about and I can't imagine any person 60+ who wouldn't recognize the issues and opportunities she lays out so insightfully.
October 6, 2014
Although Lustbader writes about aging, the wisdom she shares is really about living - how to be grateful, how to live in the moment, how to accept change, how to relax and be. This wisdom should be shared often and widely: it would relieve a lot of pain if more people paid attendtion.
September 7, 2015
Wendy is a Seattle-based social worker who started working with elderly people at an early age. These short essays provide hope and wisdom about the joys (and sorrows) of living life as an experienced and sage adult.
December 11, 2016
This is an exceedingly pleasant and worthwhile little book. While I end up skimming most books, I read every word of this, slowly, and I am writing this to remind myself to read it again someday. It is primarily about self-acceptance. I envy the writer her unfailing positive attitude.
September 27, 2011
Book full of wisdom about "aging"...despite what our culture would have us believe, it is a rich time of continued growth and sharing.
May 2, 2012
The author makes you think about your life. The writing style tends to the repetitive but the incorporated biops give food for thought. Good underlying ideas but not as informative as i had hoped.
October 10, 2011
relevant and food for thought. probably only to those over 50 years old.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews