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Fucked by the Lake Monster
Cassie had heard the legends about Champy, the monster rumored to live in the waters of Lake Champlain, but she never thought they were true. Cassie is about to discover he does exist and have a night she will never forget.
Monster sexual acts ensue!
Monster sexual acts ensue!
- GenresEroticaShort Stories
ebook
First published May 1, 2012
1 person is currently reading
91 people want to read
About the author
Brandi Burlington
4 books11 followersBrandi Burlington never had intercourse in any manner with a lake monster. She is also not certain that her stories are particularly erotic, but she does think they are entertaining and contain a lot of dirty and sexy words.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
October 1, 2018
okay, i know what i said about not reading any monster porn for a while, but this one was too good to pass up.
champy.
porn.
for those of you who don't know who champy is, he is the lake monster what lives in lake champlain.
i even have a choose-your-own adventure book about him:
The Lake Monster Mystery (Choose Your Own Adventure - Dragonlark)
which i have somehow never reviewed. watch for that, friends!
but so i was fascinated. gargoyle sex is one thing, bigfoot sex is another thing, but champy sex?? how is that even physically possible, anatomically speaking??
so i had to do it, i just did. DON'T JUDGE ME!!
and i was richly rewarded.
this is one of the best monsterotica books i have yet read. seriously. it is told from both the POV of the monster and the young woman of his dreams. the monster-POV parts are hypnotic and lulling like waves lapping at the shore of...oh, i don't know - some lake or other. and it is funny and gross and i guess sexxy, if you read these for the sexxy bits and not for the sheer audacity of their premises.
but gross, really.
she imagines herself taking the gold in the cock-olympics:
six men in a chlorinated Olympic sized swimming pool. A pool full of hard cocks just waiting to be fucked till the pool’s water would look like the last bit of milk in an almost emptied bowl of cereal.
ew, right?
but funny!
and the way she was able to get around the size-conundrum is nothing short of genius.
hint: there might be a bit of lake monster pole-dancing.
this book is full of win.
when contemplating the massive output of champy's seed:
It was like Niagra Falls but better because she had caused it.
love this story.
the female lead in this is a marvelous creation. she only enjoys sexual intercourse if it takes place in the water. like a mermaid or a stingray.
but she is also horribly cruel - she throws rocks at one of her lovers after their union, when he is clearly someone who has been missing in the woods for quite a while after having wandered away from some special needs camp.
and yet with champy, she becomes creative and selfless, giving him what he needs after he has been so generous in attending to her own. it is almost an inspiring love story of how love changes us, but not one that nicholas sparks would ever have the sensitivity to write. fucking hack.
if you are going to read one monsterotica in your life, and you are, read this one.
you can buy it here:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
i actually paid for this one, and it was well worth the $2.99 for the enjoyment i have received. i am very curious about the person to whom this was dedicated, auralie vierge.... i have heard through the grapevine that she has her own story soon to be published, and it sounds great, and i cannot wait to read it. in fact, between me and you, there are some great things about to start happening in this genre, and we are going to go on a journey together, and hopefully you can spare the pocket change to help out a few young aspiring monster-pornographers.jonathan franzen is able to pay his bills, brandi burlington might need a little help. and you can proudly say you were in on the ground floor of this emerging genre.
cuz it's gonna be bigger than fifty shades. believe that.
come to my blog!
champy.
porn.
for those of you who don't know who champy is, he is the lake monster what lives in lake champlain.
i even have a choose-your-own adventure book about him:
The Lake Monster Mystery (Choose Your Own Adventure - Dragonlark)
which i have somehow never reviewed. watch for that, friends!
but so i was fascinated. gargoyle sex is one thing, bigfoot sex is another thing, but champy sex?? how is that even physically possible, anatomically speaking??
so i had to do it, i just did. DON'T JUDGE ME!!
and i was richly rewarded.
this is one of the best monsterotica books i have yet read. seriously. it is told from both the POV of the monster and the young woman of his dreams. the monster-POV parts are hypnotic and lulling like waves lapping at the shore of...oh, i don't know - some lake or other. and it is funny and gross and i guess sexxy, if you read these for the sexxy bits and not for the sheer audacity of their premises.
but gross, really.
she imagines herself taking the gold in the cock-olympics:
six men in a chlorinated Olympic sized swimming pool. A pool full of hard cocks just waiting to be fucked till the pool’s water would look like the last bit of milk in an almost emptied bowl of cereal.
ew, right?
but funny!
and the way she was able to get around the size-conundrum is nothing short of genius.
hint: there might be a bit of lake monster pole-dancing.
this book is full of win.
when contemplating the massive output of champy's seed:
It was like Niagra Falls but better because she had caused it.
love this story.
the female lead in this is a marvelous creation. she only enjoys sexual intercourse if it takes place in the water. like a mermaid or a stingray.
but she is also horribly cruel - she throws rocks at one of her lovers after their union, when he is clearly someone who has been missing in the woods for quite a while after having wandered away from some special needs camp.
and yet with champy, she becomes creative and selfless, giving him what he needs after he has been so generous in attending to her own. it is almost an inspiring love story of how love changes us, but not one that nicholas sparks would ever have the sensitivity to write. fucking hack.
if you are going to read one monsterotica in your life, and you are, read this one.
you can buy it here:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
i actually paid for this one, and it was well worth the $2.99 for the enjoyment i have received. i am very curious about the person to whom this was dedicated, auralie vierge.... i have heard through the grapevine that she has her own story soon to be published, and it sounds great, and i cannot wait to read it. in fact, between me and you, there are some great things about to start happening in this genre, and we are going to go on a journey together, and hopefully you can spare the pocket change to help out a few young aspiring monster-pornographers.jonathan franzen is able to pay his bills, brandi burlington might need a little help. and you can proudly say you were in on the ground floor of this emerging genre.
cuz it's gonna be bigger than fifty shades. believe that.
come to my blog!
August 8, 2012
this may only be 2 stars worth of novella-size erotica... but it is 5 stars worth of Awesome! seriously, i did not expect to laugh so much reading this one. i laughed and laughed and laughed, and then laughed some more. this was a joy to read. you probably did not expect a phrase like "this was a joy to read" to appear in this review.
the writing is crude, simplistic... barbaric! there is just something so primitive about it. almost as if someone wrote a perfectly straightforward erotic story and then used google translator to translate it into turkish. and then translated that translation into serbian. and then translated it back to english. the crudity felt very premeditated. i am not laughing at Fucked by the Lake Monster, i am laughing with it. we are laughing like berserkers together.
it is not erotic. obviously. there are massive amounts of sperm present and that is also not erotic. to recycle a phrase i once used, a person could conceivably get a reverse-boner while reading this one.
what Fucked by the Lake Monster is is jaw-dropping. and ingenius. this was the 4th of 5 erotic novellas i read while stuck in horrible, humid Washington DC for a week, and it was the most surprising and the most laugh out loud funny. it took me about a half-hour to read it. it probably would have taken less, except there were so many parts that i had to re-read. after i finished up, i just didn't know what to do with myself. so i called up "room service" to remedy my situation and my unfortunate reverse-boner. we proceeded to "discuss" the story all night long. thanks, Fucked by the Lake Monster!
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the writing is crude, simplistic... barbaric! there is just something so primitive about it. almost as if someone wrote a perfectly straightforward erotic story and then used google translator to translate it into turkish. and then translated that translation into serbian. and then translated it back to english. the crudity felt very premeditated. i am not laughing at Fucked by the Lake Monster, i am laughing with it. we are laughing like berserkers together.
it is not erotic. obviously. there are massive amounts of sperm present and that is also not erotic. to recycle a phrase i once used, a person could conceivably get a reverse-boner while reading this one.
what Fucked by the Lake Monster is is jaw-dropping. and ingenius. this was the 4th of 5 erotic novellas i read while stuck in horrible, humid Washington DC for a week, and it was the most surprising and the most laugh out loud funny. it took me about a half-hour to read it. it probably would have taken less, except there were so many parts that i had to re-read. after i finished up, i just didn't know what to do with myself. so i called up "room service" to remedy my situation and my unfortunate reverse-boner. we proceeded to "discuss" the story all night long. thanks, Fucked by the Lake Monster!
[image error]
May 30, 2012
Before I read this story, I was the type of guy that'd try to parse out the underlying psychosexual implications of the opening sequence to JAWS. Now, I'm afraid, that sequence will just arouse me.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water? Nah. I've had it wrong all these years: It's just a Romanesque pleasure pool. That bump against your ankle? Don't worry about it. Somebody's just happy to see you.
Unlike the author of Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty, whose artful use of dialogue paints a veritable tapestry of first-person/character erotica, the author of Fucked by the Lake Monster relies more upon description of setting, and a giant, prehistoric penis, to bring the reader to climax.
The pressure of her feet squeezing down on his junk was too much for the monster. He let out a noise that was a mixture of pain, pleasure and sounds not heard by ears since sometime before the Dinosaurs went extinct. His balls twitched.
Who wouldn't feel for the lake monster after reading this? PETA, take notes. You'll never win the vegan debate with rational, staid argumentation. No, we won't stop eating animals until we learn that they're the best lay we've ever had.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water? Nah. I've had it wrong all these years: It's just a Romanesque pleasure pool. That bump against your ankle? Don't worry about it. Somebody's just happy to see you.
Unlike the author of Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty, whose artful use of dialogue paints a veritable tapestry of first-person/character erotica, the author of Fucked by the Lake Monster relies more upon description of setting, and a giant, prehistoric penis, to bring the reader to climax.
The pressure of her feet squeezing down on his junk was too much for the monster. He let out a noise that was a mixture of pain, pleasure and sounds not heard by ears since sometime before the Dinosaurs went extinct. His balls twitched.
Who wouldn't feel for the lake monster after reading this? PETA, take notes. You'll never win the vegan debate with rational, staid argumentation. No, we won't stop eating animals until we learn that they're the best lay we've ever had.
December 28, 2012
Disclaimer/Warning/Spoiler Alert: if you are 17 and under, go outside and build a snowman or play halo. Don’t read this review.
Phew… now that’s out of the way where do I even begin??
I received Fucked by the Lake Monster as a Secret Santa gift from one of my secret monster porn group members. Yes, I am a member of this secret group. Before you get the idea that it’s all just about porn and smut I must say that we laugh uproariously and also have a great time. This book is proof.
I wasn’t sure how everything was going to play out in this story, after all, we are talking about Champy, a huge lake monster, and a human girl named Cassie. I pictured an elephant trying to get a some Smucker’s peanut butter and jelly swirl out of a small jar. It wasn’t going to work. There would be breakage and suffering. The author does a wonderfully hilarious job of getting around this physical dilemma.
I emphasize HILARIOUS!!!
“As she pulled herself up and then slid back down on Champy’s giant cock she swung a leg out, arching her back, pretending she was at a strip club, working the hottest pole ever. She couldn’t spin like she’d seen strippers, but had they ever tried to do a routine on a pole as thick as this one?”
And
“He let out a noise that was a mixture of pain, pleasure and sounds not heard by ears since sometime before the Dinosaurs went extinct.”
As well as
“The vibrations of their twitching bucked Cassie around like she was standing at the epicenter of some Los Angeles earthquake.”
And even
“The first giant spurt was the most beautiful thing Cassie had ever witnessed. It was like Niagara Falls but better because she had caused it”
And to top it all off
“Her naked body was blasted with the lake monster spooge. She felt the cum drenching her, it would have taken at least fifty men to cover her with this much baby-batter, she thought, and this was only his “weak” shot”
I didn’t know spooge was a word.
If you are not bent over laughing by now, don’t read anymore. There are parts I didn’t even cover that had me laughing so hard I was crying.
Author Brandi Burlington (not her real name we are told) promises two more parts to the Champy story. I look forward to these future installments.
Thank you to my Secret Santa for the great gift of laughter.
Phew… now that’s out of the way where do I even begin??
I received Fucked by the Lake Monster as a Secret Santa gift from one of my secret monster porn group members. Yes, I am a member of this secret group. Before you get the idea that it’s all just about porn and smut I must say that we laugh uproariously and also have a great time. This book is proof.
I wasn’t sure how everything was going to play out in this story, after all, we are talking about Champy, a huge lake monster, and a human girl named Cassie. I pictured an elephant trying to get a some Smucker’s peanut butter and jelly swirl out of a small jar. It wasn’t going to work. There would be breakage and suffering. The author does a wonderfully hilarious job of getting around this physical dilemma.
I emphasize HILARIOUS!!!
“As she pulled herself up and then slid back down on Champy’s giant cock she swung a leg out, arching her back, pretending she was at a strip club, working the hottest pole ever. She couldn’t spin like she’d seen strippers, but had they ever tried to do a routine on a pole as thick as this one?”
And
“He let out a noise that was a mixture of pain, pleasure and sounds not heard by ears since sometime before the Dinosaurs went extinct.”
As well as
“The vibrations of their twitching bucked Cassie around like she was standing at the epicenter of some Los Angeles earthquake.”
And even
“The first giant spurt was the most beautiful thing Cassie had ever witnessed. It was like Niagara Falls but better because she had caused it”
And to top it all off
“Her naked body was blasted with the lake monster spooge. She felt the cum drenching her, it would have taken at least fifty men to cover her with this much baby-batter, she thought, and this was only his “weak” shot”
I didn’t know spooge was a word.
If you are not bent over laughing by now, don’t read anymore. There are parts I didn’t even cover that had me laughing so hard I was crying.
Author Brandi Burlington (not her real name we are told) promises two more parts to the Champy story. I look forward to these future installments.
Thank you to my Secret Santa for the great gift of laughter.
March 24, 2013
After so many recommendations from friends, I just had to read this. I was not disappointed.
This is a hilarious glossary of erotica. Brandi Burlington uses so many words, some of which I am sure she has invented, for sexual acts, items and anatomy in this book that it must qualify as a glossary. It is wonderful!
The story is great, original, and very amusing. I really loved it.
What brought it down from a five star read to a four star read, for me, were the numerous typos and errors in the English. These were just too irritating. However, I have become an instant fan of fun Brandi.
Here are just a couple of quotes from the book to whet your appetite without spoiling the story for you.
It was a good thing for Lake Monsters that they didn’t get erections very often, it made swimming difficult and worked like a rudder. A very large and unwieldy rudder, but with a mind of its own!
Her naked body was blasted with lake monster spooge.
I just love that word: spooge! It was first brought to my attention by Laima, when she reviewed this very book. However, I prefer my slightly amended version of the word: splooge .
In conclusion, I recommend this one to any fans of monster erotica, or anyone who lies a good laugh.
This is a hilarious glossary of erotica. Brandi Burlington uses so many words, some of which I am sure she has invented, for sexual acts, items and anatomy in this book that it must qualify as a glossary. It is wonderful!
The story is great, original, and very amusing. I really loved it.
What brought it down from a five star read to a four star read, for me, were the numerous typos and errors in the English. These were just too irritating. However, I have become an instant fan of fun Brandi.
Here are just a couple of quotes from the book to whet your appetite without spoiling the story for you.
It was a good thing for Lake Monsters that they didn’t get erections very often, it made swimming difficult and worked like a rudder. A very large and unwieldy rudder, but with a mind of its own!
Her naked body was blasted with lake monster spooge.
I just love that word: spooge! It was first brought to my attention by Laima, when she reviewed this very book. However, I prefer my slightly amended version of the word: splooge .
In conclusion, I recommend this one to any fans of monster erotica, or anyone who lies a good laugh.
June 2, 2012
This story (the first in a trilogy!!)follows the protagonist, a young feminist and patriot named Cassie. She's a take charge young woman who is not afraid to take what she wants. She has aspirations to inspire a generation of young girls throughout America. I for one wish I had a role model like Cassie when I was growing up.
And sure this is super hot erotica (really every girl's fantasy come to life)as well as a heartwarming love story, but it's so much more! It's obvious Ms. Burlington did intense research for this story. And it shows in this cryptozooligical study of Champy, a species endemic to Lake Champlain.
I learned so much from this book, about science, human nature and most of all myself. I'm not only smarter for having read this but also a better person. I can hardly wait for the next part of this series, so many burning questions waiting to be answered!
And sure this is super hot erotica (really every girl's fantasy come to life)as well as a heartwarming love story, but it's so much more! It's obvious Ms. Burlington did intense research for this story. And it shows in this cryptozooligical study of Champy, a species endemic to Lake Champlain.
I learned so much from this book, about science, human nature and most of all myself. I'm not only smarter for having read this but also a better person. I can hardly wait for the next part of this series, so many burning questions waiting to be answered!
May 31, 2012
i've have read my share of sick shit! and to be honest this don't even make it to the list of top 10 sick shit that had made my cock hard! but it does make it to the top 10 sick as fuck shit that had make me laugh my ass off!!!!! i dont know what was funny! the chick's obsession with measuring rods or her Olympic fucking fantasies!!! this book finally made my dream of reading an erotic comedy a reality!!! and for that Mr. Burlington! i will be forever thankful!!!! i can now die in peace! cuz i have read the first and only (to my knowledge) erotic comedy!!!! Kudos Mr. burlington! Kudos indeed!!!!!!
August 18, 2012
This has the potential to make an astonishing pop-up book.
December 24, 2014
I laugh at the title of the story and knew I would have laughs as a.k.a Brandi explained her. sexual details with the sea monster by the lake.
I won't say to much about the story but if you believe in Champy The Lochness Monster and want some laughs then read this!
STAY TUNED IN BECAUSE BRANDI HAS MORE FOR US.
www. smashwords.com
I won't say to much about the story but if you believe in Champy The Lochness Monster and want some laughs then read this!
STAY TUNED IN BECAUSE BRANDI HAS MORE FOR US.
www. smashwords.com
June 13, 2012
As an author of erotica/sex fiction myself, I can appreciate a title like "Fucked by the Lake Monster". Truly, the very words intrigued me. Monster sex is usually regulated to the "furry" world (anthropomorphic) of werewolves or vampires, and so it's rare to see something as bold as lake monster sex.
And as I dove in (pun intended), I was immediately taken in by the characterization of both the female protagonist and the monster. Champy has been hiding along the shores of Lake Champlain for years, and as it gets harder and harder to find a female to mate with... well, a monster needs some sexual healin' now and then too.
A great build up and climax, and a teaser to keep us coming back for more.
And as I dove in (pun intended), I was immediately taken in by the characterization of both the female protagonist and the monster. Champy has been hiding along the shores of Lake Champlain for years, and as it gets harder and harder to find a female to mate with... well, a monster needs some sexual healin' now and then too.
A great build up and climax, and a teaser to keep us coming back for more.
June 17, 2012
Oh Champy my Champy.. I loved the way you realized that your 5 foot penis that is as girthy as a person would not be able to fit into Cassie's vagina..
My favorite part about this entire story had to be the "Body Job"... lol.. that was great. I also loved the way Cassie described the release of Champy's sperm from his huge balls as feeling like an earthquake.. that has got to be impressive..lol..
So much fun.. I need to read the next one.
My favorite part about this entire story had to be the "Body Job"... lol.. that was great. I also loved the way Cassie described the release of Champy's sperm from his huge balls as feeling like an earthquake.. that has got to be impressive..lol..
So much fun.. I need to read the next one.
June 4, 2012
it made me uncomfortable, but it also made me think.
October 8, 2012
Very short, but funny. I just couldn't resist.
January 3, 2013
Okay, this book was mildly erotic during the Champy tongue fuck part but once it got to the part where the MC was giving Champy's gargantuan sized penis a 'body job' was just hilarious and imagining a fountain of sperm gushing out of him and then some of it landing on the MC and it tasting like candy... well it all just made me chuckle...
for an erotic novella it wasn't too erotic but it was funny as hell!
for an erotic novella it wasn't too erotic but it was funny as hell!
April 30, 2014
I know the real name of the person who wrote this. All I can say is, you'd be surprised.
September 9, 2014
Lake monster spooge! Funny short story :)
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews