The 4 Seasons of Marriage

by Gary Chapman

Spring, summer, winter, fall. Marriages are perpetually in a state of transition, continually moving from one season to another―perhaps not annually, as in nature, but just as certainly and consistently. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter―discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times, we experience springtime with its openness, hope, and anticipation. On other occasions, we bask in the warmth of summer―comfortable, relaxed, enjoying life. And then comes fall with its uncertainty, negligence, and apprehension. The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the life of a marriage, just as the seasons repeat themselves in nature.

The seasons of marriage come and go. Each one holds the potential for emotional health and happiness, and each one has its challenges. The purpose of this book is to describe these recurring seasons of marriage, help you and your spouse identify which season your marriage is in, and show you how to enhance your marriage in all four seasons.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook, Psychology

240 pages, Paperback

First published August 22, 2005

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[T.K. · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has good intentions and an interesting premise, but I didn't really care for it. I found it simplistic, overly-optimistic, and glossing over addictions and abuse as if they were easily overcome with kind words and a cheerful attitude. Perhaps I am a pessimist, but I don't think addictions and abuse can be vanquished by false smiles and feigned words of love. Where serious issues exist, I really don't think the advice in this book should be applied. Granted, I skipped sections that bugged me, so I may have missed some real gems. 1.5 stars

[Vovka · Rating 1 out of 5]

When the book suggested that certain marriages were in “winter” because Satan had been allowed to enter the relationship through the mechanism of premarital sex, I could no longer justify wasting my time on it.

[Cori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solid book on strengthening marriage using the metaphors of marriage seasons and a "love tank." The author of this book also wrote The Five Love Languages which he gives a quick overview of here.

Great book with a lot of practical wisdom without delving too deeply into one area. It is faith-based, and Gary is assertive enough about his faith that those that don't share his view may not be able to get past that to the lessons. But if you're a Christian, or able to read about Christian values with an open mind, definitely worth picking up.

I'd rate this book a PG.

[Emma · Rating 1 out of 5]

Publisher: Hey Gary, it looks like The 5 Love Languages of Your Goldfish is going to be a flop. Got any other money-making marriage metaphors we can saturate the market with?

Gary Chapman: Well, I have been thinking about how marriage goes through stages like the four seasons—

Publisher: *cha-ching!* Go on.

Chapman: —But it’s not a fully fleshed out idea yet.

Publisher: That doesn’t matter. We need to get this pushed out quick. What have you got so far?

Chapman: Well, I really only have the idea of there being seasons of marriage. You know, like a summer marriage is when you’re in the groove, loving life with each other. Winter is when you are really cold toward each other and things between spouses are bleak and gray, on the brink of divorce.

Publisher: Oh like when there are cycles of abuse and horrible communication skills and infidelity?

Chapman: Yeah kinda. But also, like, when you hate how your spouse loads the dishwasher. That’s winter.

Publisher: Even better! Wouldn’t want us get bogged down with all that depressing sin stuff.

Editor: Um, if I might interrupt—

Publisher: Who invited you to this meeting?

Editor: You did.

Publisher: Ugh, I forgot that you people like to pretend you’re necessary.

Editor: Right, well, um, that sounds like a great metaphor, Gary! To help people understand the metaphor maybe you can include some examples of each season of marriage?

Chapman: Hmm, it might take awhile to write that out but I do have an exorbitant amount of testimonials from my recent marriage conferences. I could just copy and paste those!

Editor: Uh, yeah, something like that ...

Publisher: Okay but how can we work The Five Love Languages in to this? Gotta point people back to our money maker!

Chapman: I’ll add some strategies for staying in the summer season and speaking your spouse’s love language can be one of those!

Publisher: Great idea! How many strategies do you have? I like seven. Seven is a punchy number.

Chapman: I only have three off the top of my head ...

Publisher: Oh, just Google some others. And we want to get this out quick and not have you waste time actually writing, so just include a whole lot more of those testimonials to make it seem like you’re actually including strategies.

Chapman: Well, I do have 30 years of marriage counseling experience. I’ll be able to make it seem credible by just repeating that fact over and over!

Editor: I see in your notes explaining the four seasons that you extend the metaphor by mentioning how spring and summer have problems couples need to address, like poison ivy and yellow jackets. Maybe in your strategies section you could expound on how to deal with those?

Chapman: Yeah, but I don’t actually know what those are metaphors for. *shrug*

Publisher: It’s better if people have to figure it out for themselves, anyway. Make them think they are doing real marriage work by trying to figure out what the poison ivy is in their marriage, you know?

Chapman: And I can plug attending one of my marriage conferences to help them figure it out!

Publisher: Win win!

Chapman: *Googling on phone* Ok, I’ve got a few more strategies I can add, give them a Christian twist ...

Editor: Oh, like some Bible verses?

Publisher: BOR-ING!

Chapman: I’ll mention God, but let’s do more testimonials! It makes me look good! Still need a seventh strategy though ... *rubs hands together* Oooo I’ve got it. For the seventh strategy ... let’s just tell them to implement the first six strategies ... WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!

Publisher: Brilliant!

Editor: But, uh, if someone is sincerely trying to improve their marriage by implementing the strategy of ... *checks Google* ... empathetic listening wouldn’t they already have a positive attitude?

Publisher: Maybe not!

Editor: Ok, but if this is the seventh and final strategy, shouldn’t it be something really effective? You know, for those winter marriages on the brink of divorce?

Chapman: If you speak your spouse’s love language when you are loading the dishwasher AND have a smile on your face, your marriage will go from winter to summer in no time flat! Trust me, I have 30 years of experience plus all these testimonials to prove it.

Editor: I just couldn’t imagine handing this to my friend who recently went through a hard divorce and expecting him to find it anything other than patronizing.

Publisher and Chapman: ...

Publisher: Oh my bad, just realized I called you to the wrong meeting! You’re supposed to be over on The Purpose Driven Life team. They need you over there. Buh bye.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked up this book during the Amazon.com $.99-$2.99 sale recently, and thought it might be interesting, particularly given its many good reviews. I had no idea at the time that it was a Christianity-based guide to marriage, so imagine my shock at the first reference to Satan entering a couple's relationship! That worldview pervades the book, so if you're a Christian, this may be the marriage book for you. While many of the overarching concepts are certainly applicable to any marriage, I found the references to religion difficult to relate to as a non-believer.

[Kristine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick listen.

He also is the author of the 5 Love Languages books.

The advice given is pretty helpful in theory - implementation isn't something I can speak to yet. But there are a number of things I am going to try.

Gems:
Marriages either grow or regress, they do not stand still

7 strategies for enriching your marriage:
1) Deal with past failures
2) Choose a winning attitude
3) Learn to speak your spouse’s love language
4) Develop the awesome power of empathetic listening
5) Discover the joy of helping your spouse succeed
6) Maximize your differences
7) Implement the power of positive influence

To restore trust, you have to do what you say you’re going to do…ALL THE TIME.

[Tal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really good book on marriage. It acknowledges God's desire for people to have a good marriage (first of all) and how He has crafted each of us differently and how we should capitalize on those differences. It is good to see things that can strengthen a marriage. Chapman's approach is also that each spouse can have a positive influence on the other and that, no matter what has happened in the past, we each have a role in having a successful marriage. It really was a book encouraging healthy marriages. Oh yeah - it also talked about being in a great marriage and keeping it that way, so it was a book written to all married couples.

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

The imagery of the four seasons as stages in relationships is easy to remember and visualize. However, the advice in this book is so deeply embedded in Christian thought that it is likely to alienate couples who don't share the same beliefs. There are no same-sex couples mentioned and there are often remarks such as "Satan is in our relationship" or "God gave me this great marriage" that didn't really resonate with me.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the "theme" of the book to be a bit weak and the beginning meh, but once he got to the relationship principles he was teaching it was very good.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this author. He makes it seem easy to be married and with 40 plus years of marriage it's someone I feel good about taking advice from. The strategies were practical and easy - my first one to take is empathetic listening. When did I forget to stop listening to my husband? If you liked the Five Languages of Love this is another book to read by the same author.

[Kari Yergin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not bad for a marriage book!



Step 1. Deal with past failures. Identify,
Spoke harshly, made him feel bad, withdrew, Tell the children that you are working on your marriage and you want them to tell you about times they remembered when I was speaking harshly or doing unloving things that didn’t improve our marriage. Then ask my parents individually. don’t be defensive, listen and write it down and thank them for their honesty.
Then list all the ways he has hurt you. Starting first with an admission that I have a list of ways that I have hurt you too and that I am writing this not because I hate you but because I love you and I wanna work on our marriage. I need to get beyond these things. Each one needs to start with I felt, not you made me feel. You didn’t intend to cause those feelings, but you need to understand that the result was they were hurt. Take responsibility for the hurt you caused.

Then confession and repentance to God and your spouse. Don’t rush through the list with your spouse! Take a few weeks. Let them see your eyes and really let them know that you know you were wrong and you hurt them badly and you want to do better. Don’t judge the other persons sincerity. Choose to except their words as heartfelt.

forgiveness. There’s no place for an unforgiving spirit. That is sinful. It’s not a feeling, it’s a decision to lift the penalty for past failures. And no longer hold it against them.

Step 2. Positive attitude Negative attitude lead to negative behavior. Instead of blame, acceptance and support becomes positive. Even the most negative situation.
Christian belief that allow positive thinking: first the recognition that every human being is made in the image of God. Second each person is uniquely gifted. Third each person has a unique role to play in life. Fourth marriage is gods idea, Men and women each have unique strengths and gifts to complement one another. Fifth the goal of marriage is that husbands and wives voluntarily serve each other., Helping each other reach their potential for god.
So attitudes toward your wife or husband are not about how they behave but about your inner beliefs about who they are.
choose a winning attitude by being positive and focusing on the good things. Make sure not to rationalize your negative thinking!
Identify my spouse’s positive characteristics: Hard-working, faithful, his sense of humor and fun, how he goes above and beyond, his untiring dedication to his mom and me and the entire family, how he is always looking for ways to help. Check out my 50 days of Scott before his birthday on Facebook. Ask the girls and Colin. Focus on each one of those traits and really think God for them. Ask God to give me a biblical perspective of Scott, That he’s made in gods image, that he’s uniquely gifted, that he has a unique role to play in the kingdom, that marriage was his idea and that it was a blessing not a curse, that I have the opportunity to serve Scott to help him fulfill more of his potential. Begin to express verbal appreciation to Scott. A tongue has the power of life and death.

Strategy 3: learn to speak your spouse’s love language. The love languages help us make the transition from obsessive love to intentional love. we all have an emotional love tank. If it’s empty, we go looking for love in all the wrong places.

strategy 4: develop empathetic listening. Dead sea personality people receive thoughts and feelings throughout the day And our content not to talk about them.
Babbling brook people talk and talk. They find someone to talk to. empathetic listening makes an environment for the dead sea person in which there is an interest in what they have to say.
1-Develop a Genuine attitude of understanding not judgment.
2-withhold judgment on your spouses ideas
3-affirm your spouse even when you disagree with his or her idea
4-Share your own ideas only when your spouse feels understood
How do it? Listen with your eyes, look at them. Listen with your mouth, keep it closed. Listen with your neck, nodding your head. Listen with your hands, keep them relaxed not fidgeting. Listen with your back, leaning forward occasionally. Listen with your feet, stay put! Listen for feelings as well as facts. Try to see it from your spouse’s perspective and interpretation and try to figure out their feelings. Resist the urge to share your perspective until you totally understand there’s. Seek to clarify your understanding of your spouse’s ideas by asking reflective questions. Seek to clarify your understanding of their emotions by asking reflective questions. Summarize your understanding of your mates thoughts and feelings. Then the most powerful step: affirm their feelings verbally. Request permission to share your perspective. “I really appreciate you sharing your perspective with me. Now I understand why… Would you mind if I share my thoughts with you? When you seek to resolve rather than when you develop much more intimacy.
Pray the prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi: oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand.

Strategy 5: Truly successful people are those who help others succeed. Start serving your spouse! Mowing the lawn, cooking meals, cleaning the toilet, doing the laundry, taking care of the kids, washing the car, cleaning out the basement. Ask these three questions: what can I do to help you? How can I make your life easier? How can I be a better wife?
Get out of mother mode because this man is the one who you will spend your entire life with.
Offer Encouraging words
Take supportive action
Provide emotional support
Express respect for them as a person.

The ultimate purpose of marriage is not love or sex but that a husband and wife will help each other accomplish The purpose for which God created them.


strategy 6- Maximize your differences (unique qualities) by:
identifying your differences.
Look for assets in your differences (make a list of the things that annoy you about him but then seek to discover what’s great about that very thing.)
Learn from your differences
Replace condemnation with affirmation
Discover a plan for maximizing your differences

Strategy 7-
*****Implement the Power of positive influence*****
Every time you encounter your spouse you can have an impact. Acknowledging them touching them. Says some thing positive. Everything you do or don’t do and everything you say or don’t say influences your spouse for better or worse. Positive choices lead to positive actions that result in positive feelings. I feel good about myself because I’ve invested my time wisely and it’s the same way with relationships. you can’t control your spouse but you can exert a positive influence.

[Amanda Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me preface this review by reiterating how much I loved Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” I read that one first and because I loved it, I wanted to look into his other books. Don’t get me wrong, this one was good, but I found it to be oh so similar to “The Five Love Languages.” It was almost like reading the same book twice, with the idea of the “four seasons” tied in. Chapman has a clear writing style and mostly draws on the experiences of others who have come to him with marriage problems. However, I still enjoyed the book and will take some of his advice to say in the spring and summer “seasons” in my own marriage.

[Marinda Wise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gary Chapman always shares practical principles.
Principals alone won't change any relationship though...it must be practiced, again and again.
I like to read at least one book, specifically on marriage, a year. One per season is even better... because....I'm married, and I don't want to simply coast...I want to be intentional in this relationship because it's valuable.
This book is simple, but powerful.
Seasons come and seasons go, but specifically with marriage seasons WE play the biggest factor in how long we suffer through winter, or how long we get to delight in summer.

[Natalie Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

The four seasons of marriage is simply phenomenal. I will be buying it for the 3 weddings I'm going to this year, and any future weddings. A must read for anybody who wants a person in their life, married or not.

Gary Chapman has the experience, learned wisdom, and self reflection to be able to explain these beautiful and important concepts necessary for a healthy relationship.

He gives actionable steps and plenty of examples to ensure that there are no questions remaining. Chapman is certainly religious, but the impact on the book negligible. He uses common sense knowledge such as don't be a bad person and quotes God. Typically I am weary about religious tones in books, but this one was okay.

I 100% recommend and will be buying a physical copy.

[Shelly Rarick · Rating 2 out of 5]

First off- Why read a book about marriage even if you have a happy marriage? Because marriage is something you can constantly work at and get better at just like you would with anything else that you do. Secondly- Does this book accomplish this goal? Maybe, not so much. While the author does give good advice and I have enjoyed his series of books on the Five Love Languages, his advice is lost in this book due to the endless string of examples he gives from couples he has counseled. Yes, some examples of how to put advice into practice are always good this book is just too full of them. At points I just quit listening because I was tired of hearing all about Sally and Bob's issues.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was certainly the best of the books I've read lately. The four seasons your marriage goes through, really made a lot of sense to me, especially when you realize that is the way of things, it can't be summer all the time. The book had practical advice on how to bring the spring back into your marriage and I found them very helpful. The example relationships in the book were spot on when it comes to "real" marriage and the joys and frustrations associated with it.

I'd highly recommend this book, it touches on a little bit of everything in married life.

[E Way · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great Christian book about loving your spouse, and indeed CHOOSING to love your spouse. Loved the analogies of "seasons" to mark periods in a marriage in which emotions (both positive and negative) ebb and flow.

Gary Chapman persuasively outlines for anyone seeking guidance in this book, the four seasons of marriage and the seven strategies for enhancing the quality of marital interactions. So this book is not just idealistic, it aims to give practical guidance to troubled spouses all around.

A must-read guide for anyone married, newly-wed or even contemplating marriage!

[Veronica Foley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book from Gary Chapman. He is good at softening the heart and encouraging healthy communication in relationships. He also lets you know it is okay to fail, and says to keep trying. He uses excellent examples and great metaphors. I definitely recommend this book! I listened to the audiobook. It was short and I think it will be helpful.

[Humberto · Rating 4 out of 5]

Muy buen libro

Recomendado para conocer cuál es la estación en que se encuentra tu relación, trabajar y fortalecerse para disfrutar de cada estación.

[steffy ✿ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a quick listen and offered some beautiful advice on how to work with your spouse through the different seasons of your marriage. I'm not even married, but the advice this gave on how to come together and speak with one another was valuable for any intimate relationship.

Gary Chapman is a PASTOR. I'm a bit boggled at the reviews complaining that Christian ideals were mentioned frequently throughout the book. Yeah, dude. A pastor is going to make connections between marriage and what God intended a marriage to be. So, a heads up to anyone who doesn't want to read that - this is what that is. This is a book about working together and with God to get through the hard seasons of your marriage.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have been working on "clearing out" my TBR pile, and this one has been sitting on my shelf for YEARS. I did find that it had some helpful insights/ideas, but overall I didn't think it was nearly as helpful as his idea of Love Languages. It felt like this book was too many examples and not enough meat. It also was very heavy on conservative Christian principles, which didn't bother me, but might to some looking to read it.

[Bruce M. Burkett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really do love this man and enjoy his material on marriage. It helps that I got to sit down with him a couple years ago and got to know him personally. Very related and practical truth. It will help your marriage.

[Emilie · Rating 3 out of 5]

La théorie est vraiment intéressante et bien expliquée, mais il y a TELLEMENT de refenrence au christianisme et a Dieu que c'en est lourd. Tous les couples ont des hauts et des bas et peuvent bénéficier des stratégies décrites, qu'ils soient pratiquants ou non.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whatever season your marriage is in there is always hope for Spring. Move through the chapters as you move through life-changing seasons. Great encouraging read for marriage and life seasons.

[Carol Engler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Over all I found the first half of the book just ok. Just a lot of case examples. Then there was a word challenge to see how you feel about your marriage. That for me stated where you need to start to help if your marriage has problems.
Read it because my son /wife are having issues and wanted to see if it would help them. Not sure . Neither are religious but maybe seeing their own feelings might help.
I not sure about all the praise for this book. It honestly is just ok.

[Ata Bandic · Rating 2 out of 5]

What a waste of time… Too many religious stuff. Not worth a review actually. But The five love languages is brilliant.

[Emily Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book on marriage

[Arwa Basha · Rating 5 out of 5]

بداية أنا بقرأ كتير جدا جدا في المجال ده
مجال العلاقات الزوجية

فتقريبا بقى عندي خبرة شوية في القراءة عنهم و مين الكاتب اللي فعلا بيقول معلومات مفيدة و مين اللي بيكتب لمجرد الكتابة

كنت متخوفة و انا بشتري الكتاب لأني قريت كتاب لغات الحب الخمسة لنفس الكاتب و خفت يكون بيكرر نفس الافكار
لكن الحمد لله الكتاب جيه بافكار جديدة و مفيدة


الكتاب أولا بيشرح فكرة الفصول الأربعة

فصل الشتاء و هو بيكون أسوء الفصول الزوجية
غالبا لو الناس فضلو فيه لا قدر الله و محاولوش يرجعو لربيع زواجهم او الصيف ممكن يوصلو للطلاق
خلينا نقول انه كل حالات الطلاق بتحصل و الناس في الفصل ده
فيه برود في المشاعر و العواطف
الكلام دايما صعب و تقيل
و قليل التواصل فيه

فيه فصل الربيع و ده فصل جميل الناس يحلمو بيه في أغلب الوقت
بيكون الفصل ده اكتر في الناس اللي لسة في بداية زواجهم لانهم لسة فرحانين ببعض و مستمتعين و في نفس الوقت لسة عارفين انه زواجهم محتاج شغل منهم هم الاتنين

الصيف و ده احلى الفصول حيث الانطلاق و الحرية و الحرارة و دفء المشاعر
التواصل الفعال و كل الحجات الجميلة في الفصل ده

اخيرا الخريف و ده فصل جاف في المشاعر هو شتاء مصغر و غالبا بيسبق الشتاء
بيكونو الناس مش مرتاحين فيه و حاسين انهم داخلين على برودة في المشاعر
بيكون فيه بداية خوف على علاقاتهم و على حبهم

بعد ما عرفت الفصل اللي انت فيه
الكتاب بيناقش سبع استراتيجيات مهمة عشان الناس يقدرو يفضلو في او يوصلو لفصل الربيع او الصيف

1- تعامل مع أخطاء الماضي
الماضي في العلاقة نفسها اكيد الزوجين عملو اخطاء اذت الطرف الاخر
لازم يناقشو الاخطاء ده نقاش هادئ و يوصلو للمسامحة و الغفران الحقيقي فيها
عشان متكونش دايما زي شيء مزعج بيورق عليهم العلاقة

2-اختار موقف أو سلوك فائز
طريقة تفكيرك تجاه زواجك هي اللي هتحدد مصيره بمعنى اذا نظرت على زواجك على اساس انها علاقة ناجحة و انك عندك افضل زوج في العالم ..حتما ستصل الى ذلك الزواج السعيد


3-اعرف ازاي تتكلم بلغة الحب بتاعة شريك حياتك " هنا تقريبا جزء مختصر للرغي الكتير اللي في الكتاب بتاع لغات الحب الخمسة "

4-تعلم مهارة الانصات
ازاي تسمع زوجك بجد بالطريقة اللي تخليك تحس بمشاعره حتى لو كان بيعاتبك
و تقدر تلاقيله حلول مناسبة فعليا للي بيقوله و حتى لو لم تجد حلول ازاي تستمتع له بالطريقة اللي يصبح ممتن لك بعدها لمجرد انك اعطيته اذنا عند شكواه :)


5-اكتشف السعادة في مساعدة شريك حياتك على النجاح و تحقيق الأهداف
آمن بيه و شجعه و كون دايما خير مشجع ليه
زي ما وراء كل رجل عظيم امرأة عظيمة
الزوجة كمان محتاجة الزوج اللي يكون دائما بالقرب يؤمن بيها و بحلمها و يعينها عليه حتى لو كان ده هيؤدي لبعض التضحيات منه

6-استفد بالقدر الأكبر من اختلافاتكم
انظر نظرة مختلفة للاختلافات ما بينكم
وجد انه دائما الزوجين المختلفين هم اللي بيتجوزو بعض
فالزوجة الرغاية غالبا ما بتتزوج زوج هادئ بيتكلم بالقطارة
و الزوج اللي هو شخصية نشيطة بيصحى بدري غالبا بيتجوز زوجة بتعشق السهر

حاول تستفيد من الاختلافات و اتعلم ازاي تستغلها لصالح علاقاتكم

و اخر استراتيجية
7- كانت بتتكلم ازاي تنجح و ترجع زواجك للربيع حتى لو كان شريكك مش عايز يحاول و لا يقرا كتب و لا يطبق مهارات و لا يروح لدكتور او مستشار علاقات زوجية
ازاي تستخدم التأثير الفعال عليه

الكتاب كان ممتع و فعلا استفدت منه
مليان بالقصص اللي حصلت مع الناس و اللي بتفيدك فيه فهم كل استراتيجية


اخيرا معلومة صغيرة
حاول يوميا تضحك ضحكة مع شريك/ة حياتك
و تعبر عن حبك له/ها بطريقة واحدة يوميا

و اكيد هتكون من اسعد الازواج

[Annette Ridenour · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought the metaphor could have been a bit stronger and some of the audio features and structures felt a bit older, but all in all I thought there were some good principles and I appreciate hearing the stories of individuals and couples who have seen growth and change through Christian counseling.

[Joyce Day · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m almost halfway through this book and, up til now, would have given it a 4 star rating. It uses the seasons of the year to help you understand where your marriage is right now and offers good suggestions for overcoming problems to move toward a better relationship. Even though I’m not married, I found much of the information and ideas helpful in other relationships. But then I came to the place where the author recommends asking your children for help in developing a list of your spouse’s positive qualities. Great idea in itself, but then he writes that if your spouse has physically or verbally abused your children, simply tell them that you are trying to develop a more positive attitude toward your spouse. That statement totally floored me. Physical, verbal, or any other type of abuse should never, ever be so quickly dismissed. This author’s attitude toward abuse is completely unacceptable. As a pastor, I was looking for a book on marriage to recommend to couples. This one will not be on my list. So disappointed.