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The Pirates! #3
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists
London, 1840: Wagner’s latest opera plays to packed houses while disgruntled workers gather in crowded pubs to eat ice cream and plan the downfall of the bourgeoisie. And the Pirate Captain––his disguise proving something of a letdown––finds himself incarcerated at Scotland Yard, in a case of mistaken identity.
Discovering that his doppelgänger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot that involves a red-eyed monster, stolen waxworks, and a sack of pretend kittens.
From the gloomy streets of Soho to the leafy boulevards of Paris, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists is a story of intellectual giants, enormous beards, volcanoes and valkyries, doubloons and dancing girls, and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.
This volume also includes, at no additional charge, The Wit and Wisdom of the Pirate Captain––a Major Philosophical Work
On the Matter of
If you’re off to fight in a battle, snap a ship’s biscuit in half and give your girlfriend the other half. When you meet again, they will match––like two halves of a single soul! Hopefully, this will stop her sleeping with other men.
On the Question of Gravy
It is my opinion that the best way to get gravy stains out of cotton or wool is to soak the fabric in vinegar for half an hour. . . . If this doesn’t work, try burning the gravy off with a match or getting a hungry dog to lick it off.
On Life in
Life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, then there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.
Discovering that his doppelgänger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot that involves a red-eyed monster, stolen waxworks, and a sack of pretend kittens.
From the gloomy streets of Soho to the leafy boulevards of Paris, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists is a story of intellectual giants, enormous beards, volcanoes and valkyries, doubloons and dancing girls, and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.
This volume also includes, at no additional charge, The Wit and Wisdom of the Pirate Captain––a Major Philosophical Work
On the Matter of
If you’re off to fight in a battle, snap a ship’s biscuit in half and give your girlfriend the other half. When you meet again, they will match––like two halves of a single soul! Hopefully, this will stop her sleeping with other men.
On the Question of Gravy
It is my opinion that the best way to get gravy stains out of cotton or wool is to soak the fabric in vinegar for half an hour. . . . If this doesn’t work, try burning the gravy off with a match or getting a hungry dog to lick it off.
On Life in
Life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, then there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.
176 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
22 people are currently reading
928 people want to read
About the author
Gideon Defoe
15 books295 followersGideon Defoe never meant to become an author. When Defoe bumped into a woman he had pursued during his time studying archaeology and anthropology at Oxford, they began chatting about what they were up to. Realising that his job temping for Westminster council was not going to win him any romantic points, he told her that he was writing a novel. She asked to see it, at which point he found that he really was writing a novel. His manuscript was originally circulated among friends, who photocopied it and passed it on until, eventually, it fell into the hands of a literary agent.
He was raised by his mother in the south of England. His late father wrote thrillers that featured a lot of sexy Russian spies seducing middle-aged men uncannily like him.
His mother says he is a direct descendant of Daniel Defoe. He says he won't be convinced until he has seen the family tree.
He was raised by his mother in the south of England. His late father wrote thrillers that featured a lot of sexy Russian spies seducing middle-aged men uncannily like him.
His mother says he is a direct descendant of Daniel Defoe. He says he won't be convinced until he has seen the family tree.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
January 14, 2025
The Pirate Captain needs a new coat and sets sail to London. When he gets there, he’s immediately arrested. Not for being a pirate, but because they think he’s Karl Marx.
A story about a good old-fashioned mistaken identity naturally lends itself to some funny situations. The contest in the second half of the story is interesting, though there’s less comedy to find in that part of the story. It’s an amusing novel but it does feel like the two halves of the story are rather different from one another. The first part feels very similar to the previous two books with the sole focus being on the comedy, while the second part feels like the series as a whole is gradually making a shift. The story then starts focusing more on the settings and the historical figures the pirates meet, which starts here in Victorian London. The footnotes are quite interesting. They help sort fact from fiction, show that the author did his research, and help make the settings come to life here.
A story about a good old-fashioned mistaken identity naturally lends itself to some funny situations. The contest in the second half of the story is interesting, though there’s less comedy to find in that part of the story. It’s an amusing novel but it does feel like the two halves of the story are rather different from one another. The first part feels very similar to the previous two books with the sole focus being on the comedy, while the second part feels like the series as a whole is gradually making a shift. The story then starts focusing more on the settings and the historical figures the pirates meet, which starts here in Victorian London. The footnotes are quite interesting. They help sort fact from fiction, show that the author did his research, and help make the settings come to life here.
June 23, 2016
There's more piratey-goodness to be had in this adventure.
Here we learn that the Pirate Captain has gleaned most of his seafaring knowledge from the back of a cereal box, the opiate of the masses is NOT religion but opium, and that Das Kapital could have been improved with the simple addition of colouring pages.
All this rampant silliness may or may not end with Karl Marx dancing a jig whilst wearing a butler suit.
And now it's time for ham and a shanty!
Here we learn that the Pirate Captain has gleaned most of his seafaring knowledge from the back of a cereal box, the opiate of the masses is NOT religion but opium, and that Das Kapital could have been improved with the simple addition of colouring pages.
All this rampant silliness may or may not end with Karl Marx dancing a jig whilst wearing a butler suit.
And now it's time for ham and a shanty!
February 2, 2013
Avast, ye scurvy cur! The Pirates have returned in a further adventure to locate their missing prized ham in the silky folds of Karl Marx's bushy beard!
The Pirate Captain will astound you with his vast array of philosophical conundrums and entertain you with a book filled with both Wit! and Wisdom! You too can learn the true facts behind maintaining discipline whilst running a pirate boat, the existence of God and the Question of gravy stains!
This third adventure is filled with even more belly laughs than ever before. I was concerned that this might be one of those ideas destined to be ruined by ever diminishing returns, the same jokes regurgitated repeatedly to less effect, but Defoe has out Pythoned himself this time around, writing a story filled with brilliant imagery and wonderful facts told in a light hearted manner featuring characters that (quite surprisingly actually) seem to be growing from one adventure to the next. Marx, Engels, Wagner and Nietzsche are the notable guests this time around as Communists get blamed for drowning kittens, stealing valuable art, making women wear underwear and other assorted atrocities.
Remember folks life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, there there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.
The Pirate Captain will astound you with his vast array of philosophical conundrums and entertain you with a book filled with both Wit! and Wisdom! You too can learn the true facts behind maintaining discipline whilst running a pirate boat, the existence of God and the Question of gravy stains!
This third adventure is filled with even more belly laughs than ever before. I was concerned that this might be one of those ideas destined to be ruined by ever diminishing returns, the same jokes regurgitated repeatedly to less effect, but Defoe has out Pythoned himself this time around, writing a story filled with brilliant imagery and wonderful facts told in a light hearted manner featuring characters that (quite surprisingly actually) seem to be growing from one adventure to the next. Marx, Engels, Wagner and Nietzsche are the notable guests this time around as Communists get blamed for drowning kittens, stealing valuable art, making women wear underwear and other assorted atrocities.
Remember folks life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, there there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.
April 5, 2022
By reading this book you will laugh or learn new facts and if you are lucky - both.
Here be some jokes . . .
“The pirates left the boat in the Thames, next to the Palace of Westminster. They deliberately parked across two disabled spaces, because that kind of behavior was pretty much the whole point of being a pirate.”
The Pirate Captain knew the French for 'This is a pretty donkey' and also 'This is not a pretty donkey', and he couldn't think of anything that wasn't either a pretty donkey or not a pretty donkey, so that was just about every eventuality covered.
It’s just my opinion,’ said the tailor, looking a bit wistful, ‘but you can’t beat the powerful Nordic frame. I like a lady who looks like she spends most of her time knocking about fjords, having competitions to see how far she can throw a penguin.’
'I think I've misjudged you,' said the Pirate Captain. 'And I you,' said Marx. 'You see, Engels? This is where I've been going wrong – why, Das Kapital didn't even have a single page to color in!'
Here be important facts . . .
Philosopher John Stuart Mill had a nervous breakdown (caused by too much thinking at an early age), but he was cured by hanging around with Harriet Taylor, a girl whom he fancied and later married. Despite this, he still thought intellectual and cultural pleasures were superior to physical ones.
Nietzsche introduced the concept of the superman in his book Thus Spoke Zarathustra. DC Comics introduced the concept of 'Krypto the Superdog' in Adventure Comics #210 (1955). This is just one of the many reasons why Marvel are better than DC.
Polar bear liver contains so much vitamin A that it can be fatal if eaten by a human. Not that you should be eating polar bears anyhow.
Now then hasn't this review enriched your life?
Enjoy!
Here be some jokes . . .
“The pirates left the boat in the Thames, next to the Palace of Westminster. They deliberately parked across two disabled spaces, because that kind of behavior was pretty much the whole point of being a pirate.”
The Pirate Captain knew the French for 'This is a pretty donkey' and also 'This is not a pretty donkey', and he couldn't think of anything that wasn't either a pretty donkey or not a pretty donkey, so that was just about every eventuality covered.
It’s just my opinion,’ said the tailor, looking a bit wistful, ‘but you can’t beat the powerful Nordic frame. I like a lady who looks like she spends most of her time knocking about fjords, having competitions to see how far she can throw a penguin.’
'I think I've misjudged you,' said the Pirate Captain. 'And I you,' said Marx. 'You see, Engels? This is where I've been going wrong – why, Das Kapital didn't even have a single page to color in!'
Here be important facts . . .
Philosopher John Stuart Mill had a nervous breakdown (caused by too much thinking at an early age), but he was cured by hanging around with Harriet Taylor, a girl whom he fancied and later married. Despite this, he still thought intellectual and cultural pleasures were superior to physical ones.
Nietzsche introduced the concept of the superman in his book Thus Spoke Zarathustra. DC Comics introduced the concept of 'Krypto the Superdog' in Adventure Comics #210 (1955). This is just one of the many reasons why Marvel are better than DC.
Polar bear liver contains so much vitamin A that it can be fatal if eaten by a human. Not that you should be eating polar bears anyhow.
Now then hasn't this review enriched your life?
Enjoy!
February 18, 2010
I love The Pirates series. This one's great too. Who wouldn't love a beard contest between Marx and the Pirate Captain? Like all the other pirate books, this is a quick read that leaves you laughing and hungry for ham. The humor in this book isn't for everyone though. You need to be the same sort of person who still laughs at cartoons to love this book.
March 3, 2021
Not quite as side-splitting as my favourite Pirate adventure "With Romantics" but it's still very funny and very clever. Communists and famous philosophers abound, the Pirate Captain proving himself just as profound, of course. "My favourite part was the bits with the equations," an admiring pirate tells Marx. It's all great fun and the running gags are brilliant. Defoe is pure genius.
October 19, 2017
Due to a family bereavement, what I currently want from a book is to be distracting and comforting. The Pirates! adventures are ideal for this purpose. They are entirely absurd, good-natured, and hilarious. I remember this one being a particular favourite when I read it in the past, and a re-read makes it clear why. A few quotes will give you the idea. Here, the pirate crew are discussing a news article about their doings:
When the pirates journey to London so the Captain can buy a new coat, they encounter Marx and Engels:
Marx and Engels are being stymied and sabotaged by mysterious statuesque blonde women and therefore head to Paris with the pirates. Despite it being 1840 rather than 1871, the Paris Commune is apparently in charge. Just go with it. What lovely pirates, their shenanigans are always a boost for morale.
”I like the bit about your eyes flashing,” said Jennifer. “Can you actually make them flash on and off?”
“When the mood takes me,” said the Pirate Captain, looking pleased.
“And is it true about you taking up pirating to impress a girl?”
“Oh, sort of,” said the Captain. “Truth is, I’m a little tired of telling that anecdote.”
“Is that human skin?”
“No,” said the pirate with a scarf. “It’s chinchilla. Nice and warm.”
“Funny thing is,” said the Pirate Captain, knitting his bushy eyebrows together, “I don’t really remember us having an exciting sea battle yesterday.”
“No, Captain,” said the pirate with a scarf, picking a barnacle off the electroplated pirate with an accordion, who was stood in the corner of the office. “If you recall, we were going to have an exciting battle, but then you got chatting to that admiral and decided it would be a lot less bother if we just had a competition to see who could eat the most crackers instead.”
When the pirates journey to London so the Captain can buy a new coat, they encounter Marx and Engels:
”Hello comrades,” said Engels.
“Hello, Engels,” replied the communists.
“Any capitalist spies in tonight?”
A few men with stuck-on beards waved.
“Would you mind leaving?” asked Engels politely. “We’ve nothing to hide, it’s just that there aren’t enough chairs and some real communists are having to stand at the back. Thanks.”
The spies left cheerfully and Engels pressed on. [...]
“Sshhhh. Can you hear that sound? Listen very carefully. That’s the sound of the ruling classes trembling at the threat of communist revolution. So please allow me to introduce the terror of the bourgeois, the hobgoblin stalking Europe, the nightmare of greedy capitalists everywhere… without further ado… it’s Dr Karl Marx!”
Everybody clapped enthusiastically and Dr Marx popped up from behind the podium, where he had been hiding all along. He was the hairiest man the pirates had ever seen. Several of the crew were actually worried for a moment that the Seaweed That Walked Like a Man had returned from one of their previous adventures to ambush them.
Marx and Engels are being stymied and sabotaged by mysterious statuesque blonde women and therefore head to Paris with the pirates. Despite it being 1840 rather than 1871, the Paris Commune is apparently in charge. Just go with it. What lovely pirates, their shenanigans are always a boost for morale.
June 30, 2009
Another short, fun Pirates! book with some laugh out loud moments. The Pirate Captain and his crew have a philosophical adventure with Karl Marx and his communists, who are being blamed for problems all over Europe.
These are fast reads, but shouldn't be read one after the other because a little bit of the Pirate Captain, much like a little bit of communism, goes a long way.
Don't forget to check out the endpapers, from which you'll learn that the forces of oppression include imperialist lackeys, ghosts, the reactionary press, ravening wolves, and girls.
These are fast reads, but shouldn't be read one after the other because a little bit of the Pirate Captain, much like a little bit of communism, goes a long way.
Don't forget to check out the endpapers, from which you'll learn that the forces of oppression include imperialist lackeys, ghosts, the reactionary press, ravening wolves, and girls.
May 7, 2017
Question: What do Karl Marx, delicious hams, pirates with luxuriant beards, fascism, and a giant mechanical Frederich Nietzsche have in common? Answer: Nothing.
Unless of course you've just read "Pirates! In An Adventure With Communists".
Will the mechanized Nietzsche and fascism triumph? Will Karl Marx have to dress as a pirate's butler? Can hair pomade save you from a bear attack? And how does one make truly delicious brownies?
For all this and so, so much more, this is the book for you. Arrrrrr!
Unless of course you've just read "Pirates! In An Adventure With Communists".
Will the mechanized Nietzsche and fascism triumph? Will Karl Marx have to dress as a pirate's butler? Can hair pomade save you from a bear attack? And how does one make truly delicious brownies?
For all this and so, so much more, this is the book for you. Arrrrrr!
November 7, 2014
There are two types of people in the world: people who will laugh their faces off at "The Pirates!", and fools.
Are you a fool? I mean far be it for me to say - not without the appropriate questionnaire, but if not - if you like beards, and bears and pirates and international conspiracies and unwashed proletariat masses, and ham (who could forget the ham?) - then read this book.
Best slap some sellotape on your face first though.
Are you a fool? I mean far be it for me to say - not without the appropriate questionnaire, but if not - if you like beards, and bears and pirates and international conspiracies and unwashed proletariat masses, and ham (who could forget the ham?) - then read this book.
Best slap some sellotape on your face first though.
August 16, 2023
Enjoyed reading this, but it's pretty thin on the ground.
January 4, 2024
I don’t know what it means that this is my first book of 2024, but Defoe is always good for a fun, concise laugh.
October 26, 2020
Surprisingly funny find I picked up while antiquing.
September 28, 2012
A short adventure story featuring the Pirate Captain and his lively crew, including Jennifer a Victorian lady who has decided to take up a life of pirating.
In this installment the Pirate Captain disguised as a French schoolmaster goes to buy a new coat, but after being beaten about the face by an old woman finds himself mistakenly arrested.
It seems his beard is strikingly similar to Karl Marx's and Marx was wanted by the law, for among many other atrocities, breaching the peace, stirring up unrest and drowning adorable kitties.
Of course, the Pirate Captain and assorted other pirates, including the Pirate with a Scarf (my personal favorite pirate) and Jennifer decide to help Marx out and ship him off to France where he can join with his Utopian Commune and avoid a lengthy jail sentence.
However, everything is not joli in Paris either. Communists seem to be getting the blame for aiding in the escape of 9 bears from the zoo, stealing the Mona Lisa and disallowing the practice of wearing no panties whilst doing the Cancan.
Who could be behind this dire plot!? The Pirate Captain faces off with a vile villain in a battle of wits rather than rapiers, but will his wit be quite as sharp?
Much like The Pirates in an adventure with Scientists, Gideon Defoe balances plot with a love of ham and seriously funny out of nowhere hilarity. Many very quotable bits, ...rather wish this was a television show on the BBC, I'm sure it'd be a hit. But don't tell the Pirate Captain, that would just go to his head.
The book also contained a very handy philosophical work at the end, which answered many of life's questions for me, such as how to remove gravy stains from blousy satin tops.
In this installment the Pirate Captain disguised as a French schoolmaster goes to buy a new coat, but after being beaten about the face by an old woman finds himself mistakenly arrested.
It seems his beard is strikingly similar to Karl Marx's and Marx was wanted by the law, for among many other atrocities, breaching the peace, stirring up unrest and drowning adorable kitties.
Of course, the Pirate Captain and assorted other pirates, including the Pirate with a Scarf (my personal favorite pirate) and Jennifer decide to help Marx out and ship him off to France where he can join with his Utopian Commune and avoid a lengthy jail sentence.
However, everything is not joli in Paris either. Communists seem to be getting the blame for aiding in the escape of 9 bears from the zoo, stealing the Mona Lisa and disallowing the practice of wearing no panties whilst doing the Cancan.
Who could be behind this dire plot!? The Pirate Captain faces off with a vile villain in a battle of wits rather than rapiers, but will his wit be quite as sharp?
Much like The Pirates in an adventure with Scientists, Gideon Defoe balances plot with a love of ham and seriously funny out of nowhere hilarity. Many very quotable bits, ...rather wish this was a television show on the BBC, I'm sure it'd be a hit. But don't tell the Pirate Captain, that would just go to his head.
The book also contained a very handy philosophical work at the end, which answered many of life's questions for me, such as how to remove gravy stains from blousy satin tops.
November 10, 2018
"Hello comrades,” said Engels.
“Hello, Engels,” replied the communists.
“Any capitalist spies in tonight?”
A few men with stuck-on beards waved.
“Would you mind leaving?” asked Engels politely. “We’ve nothing to hide, it’s just that there aren’t enough chairs and some real communists are having to stand at the back. Thanks.”
The spies left cheerfully and Engels pressed on.
Good, jolly, dumb fun! A very quick romp in the style of Lemony Snicket, it's been on to my to-read list for years solely for the title and cover, and it lived up to what was promised. There are pirates, there are communists, & there are adventures - isn't that all you can ask for in a book?
“Hello, Engels,” replied the communists.
“Any capitalist spies in tonight?”
A few men with stuck-on beards waved.
“Would you mind leaving?” asked Engels politely. “We’ve nothing to hide, it’s just that there aren’t enough chairs and some real communists are having to stand at the back. Thanks.”
The spies left cheerfully and Engels pressed on.
Good, jolly, dumb fun! A very quick romp in the style of Lemony Snicket, it's been on to my to-read list for years solely for the title and cover, and it lived up to what was promised. There are pirates, there are communists, & there are adventures - isn't that all you can ask for in a book?
July 29, 2016
I found this book while deeply grieving. This was the first thing that really made me laugh and just enjoy myself for awhile. It was like an escape into a different world. I've been a big fan of Defoe ever since. I even thought about writing to him to tell him how much the reading experience meant to me. Of course I didn't follow through, but at least I thought about it right?
January 30, 2013
I took turns reading this aloud with my SO as we were taking a towtruck from cincinnati to columbus OH. Very entertaining and it kept us from being bored and was the best drive that driver's ever had (he said so).
August 16, 2012
Bound to become a classic ...
May 6, 2014
Read it for fun and it was definitely that. A quick read that reminded me of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett with pirates and Karl Marx.
May 29, 2016
Of the three I have read, the funniest so far.
January 18, 2017
What seems like years ago now, probably because it was, I remember seeing a few of Gideon Defoe's Pirates! books at Half Price Books and thinking they looked rather fun. I promptly forgot about them because do you realize the number of books I look at on a daily basis? It's seriously staggering. But shortly thereafter Lauren Willig mentioned them in passing as being hilarious so this confluence of events led me to order the first two books, handily sold as one volume, and I put it on my bookshelf and promptly forgot about them again. Fast forward to 2012 and Aardman Animation has adapted the first book for the screen. David Tennant, Hugh Grant, Russell Tovey, no wait, not Russell Tovey in the US, grumble, grumble, but once again I thought of the books and again promptly forgot. For some reason all my encounters with Gideon Defoe's work was promptly forgotten until his third book, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists, was picked out of the hat for book club in 2016. Not being one to start in the middle of a series I picked up my copy of the first two books, promptly fell in love, ordered the next three books and plundered my way through them all.
The thing is, I've always had a soft spot for pirates. This started quite young with my parents reading Irene Haas's The Maggie B. to me. A young girl wishes for a boat to travel the world in with her little brother. I wanted a boat just like it for myself. A pirate ship in miniature with flora and fauna and the coziest rooms you could ever imagine that weathered all storms. As I grew up there were Lego pirate ships and Playmobil pirate ships that actually floated helmed by my Star Wars figures. There were hideouts down by the railway tracks and in my back yard with hammocks, just like on a real pirate ship. There were other books too like Peter Pan and The Princess Bride, and tons of movies from The Goonies to Muppet Treasure Island to Hook. Finally there was Pirates of the Caribbean, opening night at Point Cinema on the UltraScreen with my girlfriends. Some were there to see Johnny Depp, some to see Orlando Bloom, and some to see an anvil three stories tall. I was there for the pirates!
But these Pirates! by Gideon Defoe, they are a breed apart. They are the love children of Blackadder and the briny deep, with historical cameos thrown in just as much as historical accuracy is thrown out. With this lovability that makes you just want to take them home give them a big feast predominately of ham and tell them a good bedtime story before tucking them in for the night. Gideon Defoe's writing combines the wit and love of footnotes of Terry Pratchett with the absurdity of Monty Python. Yet it's so uniquely his own that while I can draw comparisons all day it will never do justice to a series of books that need to be read for their hats and their love of ham. And I'm not joking that once you start you won't be able to stop until you've read them all. From Darwin and Bobo, the "man-panzee," to Ahab and what hunting the great white whale does to the Pirate Captain's sanity, to Wagner trying to blacken the name of Communism, to beekeeping on St. Helena where Napoleon causes quite a ruckus, to Byron and the Pirate Captain forming a true bromance while the Pirate Captain tries to woo Mary Godwin away from Shelley, you will just pillage your way through Defoe's prose.
Yet what makes this series really unique is that, aside from them being kind of hopeless as pirates, is that the characters names aren't really names, instead being character descriptions. There's the Pirate Captain and his faithful number two, the pirate with a scarf, there's the pirate in green, the pirate with rickets, the albino pirate, Jennifer, and every one's least favorite pirate, the pirate in red. While this could be viewed as just a humorous joke at the readers expense, I mean, think how many times we as readers when faced with a new story with oodles of characters has picked up on a character trait to remember them all by? Instead I don't think it's about readers and the inability to remember names, instead I think it's a clever conceit. While yes, there is a bit of poking fun at stereotypes, I think it actually goes beyond this and is making the character archetypes. The Pirate Captain is THE DEFINITIVE pirate captain. He's the only one that matters, suck it Black Bellamy! Just like the pirate with a scarf is the perfect number two, and the pirate in red is the perfect red shirt for us to hate on. These are the lovable essence of all the pirates we wanted to sail the high seas with as a kid and therefore we gleefully go with them wherever that may be. Even if there might be ghosts. And we all know how scared pirates are of ghosts!
In fact I think that the film by Aardman Animation, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, is doing a disservice to the books. While these pirates are true characters by making them cartoonishly animated it has turned them into caricatures. This movie has lessened them. In the books they are larger than life fiendish friends, on the screen they are a kind of boring movie. Which is really odd when you consider that Gideon Defoe wrote the screenplay. When I think back to when I first saw the movie, it in no way made me want to rush out and read the books, which is such a shame. Think of all those people out in the world who are judging these books based on that movie? The movie has far more "presence" and it's overshadowing these lovely, sweet, and comical adventures. When reading the books I thought how much they reminded me of the TV series Galavant. There's an absurdity and a gallantry and a sense of humor that makes it similar to The Pirates! Plus done as live action, there's a basis in reality with having actors like the brilliant Timothy Omundson bring the characters to life. This humor works best with the dichotomy of the absurd versus the real. Which leads me into my next point, when is there going to be a live action movie with Timothy Omundson as the Pirate Captain?
The Last Word: "Don't"
The thing is, I've always had a soft spot for pirates. This started quite young with my parents reading Irene Haas's The Maggie B. to me. A young girl wishes for a boat to travel the world in with her little brother. I wanted a boat just like it for myself. A pirate ship in miniature with flora and fauna and the coziest rooms you could ever imagine that weathered all storms. As I grew up there were Lego pirate ships and Playmobil pirate ships that actually floated helmed by my Star Wars figures. There were hideouts down by the railway tracks and in my back yard with hammocks, just like on a real pirate ship. There were other books too like Peter Pan and The Princess Bride, and tons of movies from The Goonies to Muppet Treasure Island to Hook. Finally there was Pirates of the Caribbean, opening night at Point Cinema on the UltraScreen with my girlfriends. Some were there to see Johnny Depp, some to see Orlando Bloom, and some to see an anvil three stories tall. I was there for the pirates!
But these Pirates! by Gideon Defoe, they are a breed apart. They are the love children of Blackadder and the briny deep, with historical cameos thrown in just as much as historical accuracy is thrown out. With this lovability that makes you just want to take them home give them a big feast predominately of ham and tell them a good bedtime story before tucking them in for the night. Gideon Defoe's writing combines the wit and love of footnotes of Terry Pratchett with the absurdity of Monty Python. Yet it's so uniquely his own that while I can draw comparisons all day it will never do justice to a series of books that need to be read for their hats and their love of ham. And I'm not joking that once you start you won't be able to stop until you've read them all. From Darwin and Bobo, the "man-panzee," to Ahab and what hunting the great white whale does to the Pirate Captain's sanity, to Wagner trying to blacken the name of Communism, to beekeeping on St. Helena where Napoleon causes quite a ruckus, to Byron and the Pirate Captain forming a true bromance while the Pirate Captain tries to woo Mary Godwin away from Shelley, you will just pillage your way through Defoe's prose.
Yet what makes this series really unique is that, aside from them being kind of hopeless as pirates, is that the characters names aren't really names, instead being character descriptions. There's the Pirate Captain and his faithful number two, the pirate with a scarf, there's the pirate in green, the pirate with rickets, the albino pirate, Jennifer, and every one's least favorite pirate, the pirate in red. While this could be viewed as just a humorous joke at the readers expense, I mean, think how many times we as readers when faced with a new story with oodles of characters has picked up on a character trait to remember them all by? Instead I don't think it's about readers and the inability to remember names, instead I think it's a clever conceit. While yes, there is a bit of poking fun at stereotypes, I think it actually goes beyond this and is making the character archetypes. The Pirate Captain is THE DEFINITIVE pirate captain. He's the only one that matters, suck it Black Bellamy! Just like the pirate with a scarf is the perfect number two, and the pirate in red is the perfect red shirt for us to hate on. These are the lovable essence of all the pirates we wanted to sail the high seas with as a kid and therefore we gleefully go with them wherever that may be. Even if there might be ghosts. And we all know how scared pirates are of ghosts!
In fact I think that the film by Aardman Animation, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, is doing a disservice to the books. While these pirates are true characters by making them cartoonishly animated it has turned them into caricatures. This movie has lessened them. In the books they are larger than life fiendish friends, on the screen they are a kind of boring movie. Which is really odd when you consider that Gideon Defoe wrote the screenplay. When I think back to when I first saw the movie, it in no way made me want to rush out and read the books, which is such a shame. Think of all those people out in the world who are judging these books based on that movie? The movie has far more "presence" and it's overshadowing these lovely, sweet, and comical adventures. When reading the books I thought how much they reminded me of the TV series Galavant. There's an absurdity and a gallantry and a sense of humor that makes it similar to The Pirates! Plus done as live action, there's a basis in reality with having actors like the brilliant Timothy Omundson bring the characters to life. This humor works best with the dichotomy of the absurd versus the real. Which leads me into my next point, when is there going to be a live action movie with Timothy Omundson as the Pirate Captain?
The Last Word: "Don't"
August 6, 2017
The most recent entry in the Pirates! adventures sees them heading to Paris with Karl Marx (for whom Pirate Captain is briefly mistaken) for philosophical battles of a fashion only Gideon Defoe could concoct.
Though there have been better and worse in the series, this volume is definitely among the best. It follows the same formula that makes these books endearing, but by the time it's all over things have reached an absolute peak of silliness unmatched thus far (without giving too much away, I'll say it involves bears, a stage volcano and a giant robotic suit).
Defoe has by this point mastered this particular niche he's carved out for himself, and will be limited only by his own imagination (which seems boundless). Time and location seem to have no purview in the Pirates! world, and that is to our benefit. As long as we can suspend our cynicism and our demand for historical accuracy, Defoe will (hopefully) continue to provide us with thoroughly entertaining and utterly bonkers adventures.
Though there have been better and worse in the series, this volume is definitely among the best. It follows the same formula that makes these books endearing, but by the time it's all over things have reached an absolute peak of silliness unmatched thus far (without giving too much away, I'll say it involves bears, a stage volcano and a giant robotic suit).
Defoe has by this point mastered this particular niche he's carved out for himself, and will be limited only by his own imagination (which seems boundless). Time and location seem to have no purview in the Pirates! world, and that is to our benefit. As long as we can suspend our cynicism and our demand for historical accuracy, Defoe will (hopefully) continue to provide us with thoroughly entertaining and utterly bonkers adventures.
May 27, 2020
The pirates left the boat in the Thames, next to the Palace of Westminster. They deliberately parked across two disabled spaces, because that kind of behaviour was pretty much the whole point of being a pirate.
The Pirate Captain and his ragtag crew are back in this third installment of Gideon Defoe's series. During a trip to London's Savile Row the Pirate Captain is mistaken for Karl Marx and another adventure ensues. On Marx's philosophy, the Pirate Captain says:
“Here's your first problem," he said, pointing at a sentence. "'Religion is the opium of the people.' Well, I don't know about people, but I think you'll find that the opium of pirates is actual opium.”
Another funny, occasionally educational, and totally irrelevant book that will leave you with a hankering for ham!
The Pirate Captain and his ragtag crew are back in this third installment of Gideon Defoe's series. During a trip to London's Savile Row the Pirate Captain is mistaken for Karl Marx and another adventure ensues. On Marx's philosophy, the Pirate Captain says:
“Here's your first problem," he said, pointing at a sentence. "'Religion is the opium of the people.' Well, I don't know about people, but I think you'll find that the opium of pirates is actual opium.”
Another funny, occasionally educational, and totally irrelevant book that will leave you with a hankering for ham!
February 13, 2025
For the first portion of this book, it felt like a rehash of old jokes from the previous novels. However, once the Pirate Captain gets entwined with Karl Marx, the book really picked up.
In this adventure, the pirates explore London and Paris in disguise and the Pirate Captain gets an opportunity to show his expertise in the French language. The Pirate Captain manages to land an endorsement from Perkin’s Gentlemen’s Pomade which provides him with ample supplies of the pomade. The book explores pirate philosophies as Karl Marx and the Pirate Captain get involved in a philosophical competition, and the captain gets to share his wit with the elite Frenchmen.
All jolly fun, but someone is trying to sabotage Marx’s reputation and discredit him. So the adventure takes a turn.
This is a great adventure and a quick read.
In this adventure, the pirates explore London and Paris in disguise and the Pirate Captain gets an opportunity to show his expertise in the French language. The Pirate Captain manages to land an endorsement from Perkin’s Gentlemen’s Pomade which provides him with ample supplies of the pomade. The book explores pirate philosophies as Karl Marx and the Pirate Captain get involved in a philosophical competition, and the captain gets to share his wit with the elite Frenchmen.
All jolly fun, but someone is trying to sabotage Marx’s reputation and discredit him. So the adventure takes a turn.
This is a great adventure and a quick read.
July 23, 2020
It's just the same joke over and over again, but I like it. Also, I'm not sure that Defoe's representation of various philosophers is entirely historically accurate.
I found the gendered jokes in this a bit off putting, as I did in the film. Constant references to geeky men not being able to "get girls". I get that its a bit tongue in cheek, but still didn't sit well with me.
I found the gendered jokes in this a bit off putting, as I did in the film. Constant references to geeky men not being able to "get girls". I get that its a bit tongue in cheek, but still didn't sit well with me.
November 3, 2022
A very silly book that had me laughing out loud...in public, no less. I thoroughly enjoyed the witty prose and, of course, the brilliant philosophical wisdom of the pirate captain, whose beard is even more beautiful than that of Karl Marx. This book is simply ridiculous and that's what's great about it.
August 13, 2018
Similar to the only other one I read "THE PIRATES WITH SCIENTISTS" this is a wackier and weaker entry. Many of the same themed jokes, on reading this second book, I see the weakness of the series. It is, however, like the others in the series a very quick read. 2 stars, me lads and lassies.
May 4, 2019
Absolutely hilarious. If you’ve seen the film the humour is identical, silly, irreverent, gently ironic. The Pirate Captain is despicable and brilliant. It had me crying with laughter on the train to work, which was interesting for everyone else. Loved it, loved it.
August 20, 2020
The Pirate Captain and his crew get an endorsement deal, make friends with a very pushy Karl Marx, and have a thrilling adventure involving opera, Parisian sightseeing, and a surprise villain. Another wonderful, genuinely hilarious entry in this little series.
May 14, 2021
This is a good, fun book. I like the characters and though the plot is a bit all over the page it does have a fairly decent pace. I like the footnotes that are included in the book.
I do want to finish this series at some point but it is not a priority.
I do want to finish this series at some point but it is not a priority.
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