L’autrice de J’ai peur des hommes révèle aux lecteurices le secret d’une vie axée sur la réinvention.Vivek Shraya est certaine d’une chose : tout le monde change. Dans ce court essai, elle réfléchit aux origines de ses pulsions de changement, les liant aux influences de son enfance, de l’hindouisme à Madonna. Ce qui en émerge est une méditation sur le changement en soi. Pourquoi nous fait-il peur? Pourquoi nous attire-t-il? Qu’est-ce qui nous motive à changer, et qu’est-ce qui nous prend au piège?
Vivek Shraya is an artist whose body of work crosses the boundaries of music, literature, visual art, theatre, and film. She is the author of The Subtweet, Death Threat, even this page is white, The Boy & The Bindi, She of the Mountains, and God Loves Hair; and her best-selling I’m Afraid of Men was heralded by Vanity Fair as “cultural rocket fuel”. She is one half of the music duo Too Attached, founder of the publishing imprint VS. Books, and an Assistant Professor of Creative Writing at the University of Calgary.
A long-form personal essay about embracing change and how we evolve into our future selves. I most loved Vivek Shraya’s confident writing voice, especially as a trans woman of color. She integrates analysis of popstars like Madonna, commentary on Indian culture, and reflections on her personal life in powerful ways. I liked her honesty about her struggles growing up as well as her consistent themes of self-compassion and self-acceptance throughout this book.
Toward the middle and the end of People Change though, I felt that her writing got more abstract and based on broader platitudes without a grounding in deeper analysis of pop culture or herself. I also thought at times desired more from the logic of the book. For example, Shraya writes about how we judge people, especially femmes, who change themselves using things like Instagram filters, and then she critiques that judgement because of how change can be powerful in and of itself. While Shraya does critique the pressure on femmes to look thinner and whiter, I thought at times her core message of “embrace change” ignored the ways that marginalized people are taught to try to change themselves to fit dominant beauty standards and cultural standards of patriarchy and white supremacy – in those instances I would argue that change is indeed harmful. I found it odd that she did not delve deeper into this given her past film, Seeking Single White Male, that is all about internalized racism. Overall, a quick read with some thoughtful ideas.
A very readable, thought-provoking book of essays that I gobbled up this morning. This is a short book but Shraya covers a lot of ground discussing change, reinvention, and fluidity through referencing fashion, trans identity, Sai Baba, Madonna, her own artistic practices in multiple mediums, bisexuality, friendships, divorce, her relationships with her parents, and more.
I particularly loved reading her thoughts on friendships and their intersection with your changing self after her fascinating investigation of that theme in her novel The Subtweet. It made me think of some growing pains I've had in longterm friendships where the person I or my friend was growing into was very different than when we'd established the friendship.
Shraya's writing on trans identity reminded me of Meredith Talusan's memoir Fairest, which also resists mainstream, simplified narratives about trans identities and finally arriving at an inevitable true self. If you like People Change, read Talusan or vice versa!
Not to go all academic and talk about Foucault, but her writing made me think of his work in The History of Sexuality which pinpoints the "invention" of the homosexual not as a site of proud self-identification but as a means to box in and control. Queer as a noun is a lot less slippery than queer as a verb.
I found it hard to read at longer intervals because I wanted to record so many passages! Here are some favourites:
"There's nothing more frightening than fluidity. At some point when the individual 'chooses' an identity in defiance (even rejecting identities is a kind of identity), we're then gaslit through arguments for the need to eradicate labels because 'we're all human.'"
"Like when newly gay friends state they weren't actually attracted to their previous opposite-sex lover or partner. This might be a genuine assertion, but even in queer communities there's pressure to deny bisexual attraction, or rather, bisexuality is commonly read as still being in the closet... how often do we embrace the narrative of a true self because it's expected of us? No one advises you to 'be yourselves.'"
"Seizing the moment has been less about embracing the present and more about understanding that I am not entitled to a future. None of us are."
"Our ideal self is actually holding us back, not propelling us forward."
"Reinvention requires both a kind of death and a desire to keep living."
"Let this book be a new prayer. One to rewrite the old ones, one for more growth, for more change."
vivek shraya's writing is, as always, so compulsively readable and resonant. i didn't know it when i started it, but i picked up this book at a time when i really needed its words and wisdom - so many parts of this extended essay touched a soft space in me.
i found people change to be eloquent and open and affirming, and i especially appreciated shraya's writings on friendships changing, on the limitations of identity labels, and on accepting the fluidity and multiplicity - and contradictions - of our changing selves.
Slim and enjoyable, this is not a hard-hitting examination of change but an attempt to consider it from a few angles. I particularly enjoyed Shraya's consideration of identity with respect to transition and creating art.
About how we change over the course of our lives, coming out, transitioning. How labels can be helpful and also be restricting. How we can give each other space for growth.
Malgré un livre court, les sujets abordés m’ont fait réfléchir. Vivek Shraya a une analyse particulière sur des sujets tels se réinventer, la transformation, les ruptures amicales, le vrai soi, l’authenticité féminine et la pluridisciplinarité. En quelques mots elle arrive à me faire voir un autre angle, un concept d’une toute autre manière et j’adore me sentir déstabilisée.
J’adore sa vision du monde, j’adore sa vision d’elle et de ce que l’on devrait essayer de faire ou d’être. Définitivement une petite pépite qui continuera de grandir en moi.
Short and sweet meditation on the ways in which society forces binaries. In art, gender, heck, just about everything. Whereas people reinvent themselves all the time. They code switch, they go through phases, they have less or more time available, their interests shift. Many of the things discussed I resonated with and I think are approached very thoughtfully.
Ah the shifting waters of identity and existence and the comfort of knowing that you are a phase, your haircut is a phase, your passions are a phase, and that is a wonderful thing
I loved the flow of this long form essay; it challenged me to reflect on my own relationship with change. I think Shraya poses many interesting ideas about friendship and I re-read a lot of those pages trying to understand my own position.
Absolutely excellent! This personal essay on what it means to change really struck a chord with me. It looks at the pros and cons, the inevitability, and the resistance vs. acceptance of change and how all of it can impact our lives and our trajectories. I loved it, as it put into words so many of my only feelings on the subject. Shraya is a writer I will happily come back to time and time again.
After reading I'm Afraid of Men, Vivek Shraya went on my auto-read authors list, so I went into People Change not knowing the premise. Safe to say, it was a pleasant reading experience.
"Living demands wanting. The obsessive pursuit of one's desires can be harmful, but there's nothing wrong with desire itself."
As an air sign, Gemini to be exact, I should be adaptable and easygoing. Unfortunately, I am the opposite- an individual who struggles a fair amount with change and who is trying to become the colorful chameleon the stars have deemed me to be. Unsurprisingly, Shraya's journey from someone intimidated by change to someone who not only embraces it but seeks it out resonated with me quite a bit.
"But my relationship to change isn't one of fear, resignation, or even victimhood. Instead I consistently seek out change, crave it, conjure it, worship it."
Shraya shares various stories from her personal and professional life, reflecting on moments where changes she wanted or had to make were challenged, scrutinized, moments where she stood her ground and chose exploration over the familiar.
"What do we get from endurance over exploration? Is it legitimacy, the ability to assert authenticity? Why is it that exploring is so often synonymous with frivolity, dabbling, indecisiveness, being noncommittal or unstable, or having a mid-life crisis, and endurance isn't synonymous with complacency or stagnation?"
Change is undeniably uncomfortable, but discomfort doesn't have to be a negative thing. This brief but sage read is a perfect reminder of that.
Reading this book was like having a really lovely counselling session. It was full of so many great musings on life. I particularly loved her discussion on living with multiple truths and contemplating why we confine ourselves and our relationships in such tiny spaces. Shraya comes back to this a few times in the book in different ways. I also appreciated her thoughts on labelling:
'Perhaps I might have explicitly chosen to identify as 'non-binary' had it been a more prevalent term then. But it now seems foolish that I thought I could sagely express my femininity without adopting a formal identity.
'Identity levels can be invaluable as a means to self-actualize and connect with community. They're also crucial in naming inequalities. But if the question is 'What comes first: self-identification or oppression?' my experience has been the latter. Othering often beings with labelling. My labels are often acquired as a response to being labelled, given to myself never out of real choice but always as an act of reclaiming.'
What a lovely little book! As I neared the end, I wanted this to be about twice as long, and I think Shraya could have done that easily. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed this read. Also has one of the coolest acknowledgement lists I've seen in a while. Shraya is a very cool person and she has some very cool people in her life.
Mid. Catastrophe is the mother of reinvention but we can also be the catalyst for our reinvention? Change is essential in the desperate chase for growth and the constant reminder that there is more to life than what society projects and bounds us to. Whether it be your pronouns or faith, change requires the reevaluation and shedding of a skin that you were once too comfortable in. The author serves a perspective where the reader can only agree with her prayer for more life. A life where you are not desperately living but one where you are conscious, aware and receptive. A life where shifts are welcome, eras are encouraged, and who you were before is an unreachable maybe untraceable memory.
Here’s a book of feelings and expression I know too well and never really thought could be put into words. “We’re vast and immeasurable,” Shraya writes. “When you consider all the people you’ve been this year, this past decade, this life, can you easily pinpoint which self was most true? Most authentic?” Truly a read I needed at this point in my life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
So much good stuff to chew on here. Sometimes felt a little disjointed, but I think that was part of the point. Might fuck around and assign the 2-3 pages about cover songs (of all things) in my introduction to essay writing course.
i believe that shraya’s personal connection to hinduism and how that coincides with her identity is a very valuable perspective, and it is certainly not one that is commonly discussed. her stories and lessons made me think about my own experiences, which i can really appreciate. i read this book in one sitting, though alternatively, one may perhaps choose to spread it out over a period of a few nights.
In People Change, Vivek Shraya discusses what it means to reinvent yourself and grow. This essay covers a lot of situations in which growth can occur— in friendships, romantic relationships, aging, coming out, within careers, with art, and even with learning to be more socially conscious. Throughout these situations she focuses on why growth is a good thing and considers why society perceives it as a negative thing.
I thought this was a really interesting meditation on change and reinvention. It was a welcome way to think about the world, and aligned with how I think about my own growth. There are a lot of points I love in this book, but I especially love how Shraya emphasizes fully embracing all of our identities. Many of us may have a picture of our ideal self in our head, something we strive for and we think it will make us happy once we are that version of ourselves. But Shraya argues that there is no ideal self, because everything we experience and all of our desires for our future are a part of who we are. All of the versions of ourselves are valid. If you achieve your ideal self, then what? What comes next? It’s not possible to stay the same, we are always going to change. And Shraya’s main message is that we should appreciate and embrace it.
This is a thought provoking and interesting book. If you enjoyed Shraya’s other essay “I’m Afraid of Men,” I think you’ll enjoy this one too! Make sure you check the content warnings before you read it.
Shraya is a fantastic writer and this series of books (not sure if it's an official series, but I view this as a spiritual successor to I'm Afraid of Men) is so impactful. She takes things that you'd assumed and flips it and makes you question everything. This book in particular takes a look at identity and challenges a lot of your assumptions. Her books stick with me long after reading them. They're super short, and I'm not sure the reading experience is the best, but the audiobook is a great way to spend an afternoon.
This was a curious, tiny book. More like a stream of consciousness conversation with Shraya than anything else for me. I read it on a day I was feeling listless, and several passages stopped me in my tracks. An interesting perspective on change. I liked it a lot.
I love love Vivek’s angle of activism. She says such simple ideas that make you go wait, hang on, that’s profound. I want to underline the entire book and I never want to write in books. We change a lot in our lives but this change is often labeled with either inaccurate or negative ways — mostly invalidating who you were before that change. Vivek challenges these norms and forces us to examine change, what it means for ourselves and how other people interpret it.
i forgot to write a review for this & now i barely remember what i wanted to say. i definitely enjoyed the writing style, but i honestly can’t remember much else
About a year ago I reviewed a work of fiction called The Subtweet by multi-disciplinary artist Vivek Shraya, and along with many other critics I really enjoyed it, so I was excited when another one of her books People Change landed on my doorstep a few months ago. Unlike Subtweet, this is a short work of non-fiction, only 100 pages long. It’s a small taste of a big subject – people changing, how they change and why they change. Tens of thousands of books will never be able to fully cover this topic, but I appreciated the entry that Shraya offers us in this bright and reassuring read.
Book Summary
Broken up into approximately five sections, the book begins with a brief introduction to the Hindu guru known as Sathya Sai Baba, and the Hindu beliefs around reinvention – this quickly transitions into another guru of reinvention we are all familiar with: Madonna. Shraya’s view of these two people ultimately shaped her craving to reinvent herself, which follows the thread to her future artistic reincarnations and the many versions of herself that she will pursue as she ages. She touches upon her transitioning into presenting as a woman, her many stages and platforms as an artist, the way previous romantic partners have shaped her current long-term relationship, her father and his shifting attitude to parenthood, and many other examples of people changing in her life. She also analyzes the contradictory way our society views change; some embrace it, while other are suspicious of it. For those who are questioning their gender, this change is especially fraught by the expectations of others, which is a subject Shraya can offer valuable insight into – most interesting are the complaints and questions that supposed ‘allies’ confront her with.
My Thoughts
For those who aren’t familiar with this highly lauded Canadian artist, it’s important to note that (from what I understand) Shraya is a trans woman who presents as female, but has not undergone any physical surgery, so the concept of people changing is one she is intimately familiar with. Perhaps it’s because she lives in Calgary and has done quite a few high-profile projects lately, but I would assume she is one of the most recognizable trans people in our country, and her popularity keeps growing, mainly due to her incredible output – she is one of the hardest working people in the entertainment and artistic industries. This book, just one of many, is another example of how successful she is, but also how desperate we are for voices like this; voices like hers that are typically marginalized are now being given a platform (at least in Canada), for which I am grateful, of course there is always more work to be done in this arena; trans voices and representations are still very much relegated to the sidelines.
Above I refer to this book as bright – and I stand by this description, as I found her thoughts on change to be comforting – she is reassuring us of the importance and beauty of change. But I do want to mention that for many, including Shraya, this change can blossom from a very dark place; within the first few pages of the book she admits to suicidal thoughts, and was bullied for presenting as queer in her teenage years. But as much as this book is about her, it’s also about change in general. One of the most interesting quotes describes her feelings around Halloween, a holiday (and the one time of year) where changing our dress is encouraged and celebrated:
“I’m eager to observe how transposing someone else’s aesthetic onto mine creates someone new. This is why Halloween makes me uncomfortable: the intention behind dressing up is to scare (or for jest). Why must transformation be monstrous and frightening, or something to be laughed at, instead of an opening for self-discovery?”
-p. 23 of People Change by Vivek Shraya She also uses examples from other aspects of our life to demonstrate the importance of change by addressing the way our personalities can shift and transform when we create new friendships. The inclusion of new friends into our lives can change us in a way too; introduce us to new activities and uncover a side of ourselves we never thought possible. I simply appreciated the very open and thoughtful way Shraya addressed this topic in the book, and it makes me want to seek out more of her non-fiction for this very reason.