Attach Me If You Can

by Phillip D. Hamberg

Paul Tournier "At the heart of personality is the need to feel a sense of being lovable without having to qualify for that acceptance." In 1975 when I started seeing children in therapy at the Grand Rapids Child Guidance Clinic in Grand Rapids, Michigan it seemed like the major problems with children consisted of acute traumas caused by sudden tragedies like house fires, car accidents and abuse issues. Then there were the lesser problems of separation anxieties, night terrors, bed wetting and oppositional defiance. By the time I transitioned from the clinic to Head Start in 1998, most of the problems seemed much more serious. I found children who displayed little to no conscience, kids who could not make friends and many who exhibited violent rage reactions. What happened in less than a quarter century? It became more and more clear to me that parents and children were losing the capacity to attach to each other. I went on my personal campaign (and still am) lecturing about rage and the consequences of a lack of attachment. I approached the attachment problem not from the perspective of who's at fault but what do we do about it! The teachers and parents attending the lectures kept asking me to put what I covered into a book and after many years I finally forced myself to sit long enough to write it. My goal is that the pages of this book will provide hope and techniques on how to help children attach, feel safe, and ultimately act lovable. The conviction of being lovable is what defuses all the rage and fear. Mr. Hamberg is a licensed clinical social worker and a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Michigan. He has thirty-six years of experience in the treatment of emotional problems with children and families, specializing in the very young child.

224 pages, Paperback

First published October 7, 2011

Reviews

[Susan Mackie Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been lucky enough to know Phillip Hamberg professionally,and was given a copy of his book to review and use. What a great resource this is! As a therapist, specializing in trauma reduction and anxiety,and a mental health consultant for a local Head Start program, I found "Attach Me If You Can" to be a wonderful, practical guide to understanding human development and its impact on child development. Part One of the book focuses on the stages of normal attachment in infancy, and Part Two focuses on what happens when healthy attachment is not achieved,and offers several very helpful help children form healthy attachments.

This book is just loaded with with concepts and illustrations from years of his own experience with children and their families, and supported by frequent reference to the work of respected experts in child development and attachment. Mr. Hamberg's book makes the psychology of attachment easy to understand, and outlines concrete practical strategies for identifying and working with children with disordered attachment.

Counselors, medical professionals, teachers, parents, and anyone who relates to children will find this book invaluable, as will those who labor to understand childhood attachment disorders as they manifest in adults. I know that it will remain on my professional bookshelf for future reference.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource book for anyone dealing with children with attachment issues (for example adopted children, traumatized children, or children raised in difficult circumstances). I read this book as we are preparing to adopt a child, and though the book was actually written for teachers (which you can tell in many of the specific recommendations), I definitely still found the general concepts to be helpful and many of the specific recommendations are still applicable. One critique: there are a lot of lists in the book, and I felt that some of the ideas and information could perhaps have been conveyed in a more helpful manner, but this is a small issue.